Showing posts with label inferiority. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inferiority. Show all posts
Monday, January 21, 2013
this is continuing my previous blog
Day 143 – Inadequacy
Day 144 - Inadequacy - a child gymnast
I have always admired her and looked up to her through out our growing up, everything we did, she did better - though, I never saw it as a point of motivation, as a point of realizing that I can improve and equalize myself to her, I always saw her as better than me, as a fact of life, and saw myself as less than her, inferior, inadequate. I always wanted to be as good as I believed her to be, but never actually dared to compete with her, as I accepted myself as less than her and wasn't willing to challenge that self belief - so I would sabotage myself, compromise myself, not allow myself to excel, to perfect myself as within a requirement to remain less than her for ever, as that was my place. Through out our life there were periods of time where I was better off than her, I was thinner, or had a boy friend, or was stable - in those times I experienced guilt, as if I was out of place, out of character, because I believed I was supposed to be the inferior one, and thus projected it onto her and actually blaming her, as I believed that she thinks / believes she must be the superior one - I saw myself as I was deliberately taking the second place, and letting her be better than me in everything because I believed that couldn't take that a way from her, this is what we both knew ourselves to be - I existed within the belief that if I were to be more successful than her in any way it would compromise our relationship that was based on my looking up to her and believing myself to be inadequate.
At times I believed that I have taken the lesser place because I was protecting her, seeing her as fragile, as if she couldn't handle it if I were to pass her and be more than her in anything - I didn't realize that the competition and comparison were a fiction of my imagination, created by myself in my mind, I didn't realize that we are not actually defined in relation / comparison to each other and that any comparison is futile and doesn't stand as reality, I didn't realize that my belief that she will not be able to handle being less than me was actually showing me my reaction towards believing myself to be less than her, but at the same time showing me that I fear not being less than her, as this is what I knew myself as, and projected onto her for it to make sense to me - because it makes more sense that I am remaining inferior to protect her rather than as a deliberate choice I have been making each day throughout my life - I mean, I didn't like the experience of being inferior / inadequate, it is not a preferred experience, yet I held onto it, justified it and wouldn't let it go, and apparently, I have been holding on to it ever since, defining myself as inferior in many of my other relationships, reliving / recreating the relationship I have created with my sister over and over again.
I will continue with self forgiveness tomorrow
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Tuesday, December 18, 2012
This blog is a part of a blog series “physics and the Desteni Process”
Day 1 - Physics and the Desteni Process - Introduction
Day 2 - Physics and the Desteni Process – Newton's First Law of Motion - the Principle of Inertia
Day 3 - Physics and the Desteni Process - Newton's Third Law of Motion - Equal Force
Day 4 - Physics and the Desteni Process - Newton's Second Law of Motion
Day 5 - Physics and the Desteni Process - Scientific Paradigm
Day 6 - Physics and the Desteni Process - Newton's Second Law of Motion - Forces
I have moved the physics blog series to a separate blog : http://physicsjournettolife.blogspot.com/
When I first started writing about physics I made a list of some concepts, principles and laws that I would like to address within showing how they reflect our reality in a broader way and how they reflect and support the principle of equality as the law that govern our reality. I then started with the most basic and tangible part of physics - mechanics. Though, the more I wrote the more I realized how much investigation is necessary for me to be sufficiently clear about the points, both from the physics perspective, and from the perspective of bringing it together with the principle of equality - I've been doing so within questioning the interpretations of the laws/principles/concepts and taking them into consideration from the starting point of learning from them how we can support ourselves as humanity, as life, to stop the direction we have allowed ourselves to accelerate in, and change ourselves to a direction that is best for all, coinciding with the natural forces as the principle of equilibrium and equality.
As I was sitting down to write my blog today I didn't know how to continue and I panicked - in the past few days I have been experiencing a sense of high, as I've been riding the mind's energy, instead of grounding myself here, and walking step by step, breath by breath, point by point , and today when I didn't know how to continue I fell to the polarity of the high that I had accumulated through out the past few days, and found myself today experiencing myself overwhelmed by it all. Overwhelmed by the vast field of physics - feeling myself inadequate, as too small to take it on, perceiving these points/concepts are too big for me to grasp, too big for me to interpret, too big for me question, too big for me to understand. Overwhelmed by the positive feedback I've been receiving - experiencing an energetic high within realizing that people are actually reading what I'm writing, experiencing myself as visible / seen / known / famous , and as a result experiencing a sense of responsibility within the desire to stand up to the expectations that I have projected on the readers and within that going into fear of not keeping up with myself and not writing a worthy / clear / direct / accurate post. Overwhelmed by the depth and vastness of reality as the physical as what is here, and overwhelmed by the fact that I don't have all the answers, I don't know what reality is, I don't see the full picture - I am just working it out, and scared of making mistakes, scared of failing myself, scared of being challenged on what I've written and not knowing how to explain, not knowing how to back it up effectively. Overwhelmed by the feeling that I'm doing something valuable and within it feeling special and unique, overwhelmed by the thought that this could be an important series, that if done correctly and effectively may benefit someone else besides myself, or dare I say humanity - I now see that within this all I had lost myself, I had forgotten my starting point, or actually, I've realized that I haven't established a clear starting point within myself to begin with.
I went into overwhelmingness instead of realizing that what I am doing isn't special or unique but is simply normal. Doing things like this, writing, expanding, exploring, investigating, sharing, for the best interest of all - this is what normal should be - a being investigating a point and sharing it equally for all to see, not from a pretentious starting point of knowing it all but walking it from a humble starting point of equality, as the being learns the point, they share the point as it opens up, as they expand through the investigation and allow all to learn and expand as well, showing that all points that are here, can be known by all equally and understood by all in simplicity.
What I've been doing within writing this blog series should be experienced by me as simply normal, yet I've never lived this kind of "normal" - I've always interpreted normal as mediocre, boring, uninteresting, unimportant, invaluable - and thus by walking the point of physics, I have become involved, participating and creating something interesting, exciting and valuable - I couldn't see it as normal, and I couldn't help myself from going to overwhelmingness, because I've never done anything like this before, I've always been so busy entertaining myself and doubting myself, that I've never allowed myself to express myself in the learning stages of a process and share myself for others to learn as well. Thus, normal should be, and actually is, if we allow ourselves to see the common sense within it, expanding together as one, equalizing ourselves through assisting and supporting each other, each one in their field of interest, seeing that no point is too big, everything can be broken down to it's basics, we can all be equally knowledgeable, equally understand this reality and equally participate and contribute, we can equally support ourselves to empower ourselves to be more than we have ever allowed ourselves to be within taking self responsibility and changing ourselves into self excellence, to then change reality as a whole as what is best for all, for all life to live, and enjoy, and express, and expand together as equal individuals.
How have we accepted a world that doing that which is best for all, standing up for life is seen as something big, special and extraordinary, when it should be the most natural and normal thing, and it's not as if we are inventing something, creating some form of magic, manifesting something new - we are basically picking up after ourselves, cleaning up the mess that we have created through our acceptance and direct participation in the current world system as all the construct within our world are based on the distractive nature of self interest, greed and desire for power - so why is cleaning up one's own mess, correcting one's own mistakes, clearing up one's own misunderstandings, perceived as something special, when it is in fact the most sane, sensible, logical and normal thing to do?...
So here I am starting over, establishing myself within my starting point, realizing that I am not doing anything special, I am writing myself to freedom, walking my own journey to life, braking down a subject that I have access to so that all can have equal access, expressing myself as I investigate the point, as I am learning it, rediscovering it and redefining it to be aligned with what is best for all. I am expanding myself through investigating the point of physics, I am challenging myself to question it and interpret it within the principle of equality as what is best for all, I am practicing critical thinking, I am practicing my own self expression , I am empowering myself through allowing myself to contribute where I can, I am learning about myself and enjoying myself - finally I am doing what is the sane, sensible, logical and normal thing to do.
More on this point in my next blog, and after I clear this mess up with self forgiveness and self commitment statements I will continue with the physics point, slowly but surely, one breath at a time.
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Tuesday, November 13, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
Day 86 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 7 - Self Forgiveness
Day 87 - Fear Dimension - Inferiority - Part 8
Day 88 - Fear dimension - Part 9 - self commitment
Day 89 - Fear dimension - Authority - Part 10
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and being directed by the fear of authority, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as the fear of authority through holding on to a past memory (as mentioned in the previous blog) and using it within interpretation to define myself as someone that fears authority, from here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prove my self-definition to be right, through participating with this character of fear I have created as myself, and thus participate with fear of authority within believing the fear to be real
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being yelled at or being punished by an authority, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in a position where someone has authority over me and accepting them as an authority, I fear them having power over me and thus can tell me what to do or punish me, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that it's not the actuality/physicality of being yelled at of being told what to do that I fear, but rather the energetic experience that I connect to it, not realizing that this energetic experience is my own mind made creation and thus my responsibility to stop, regardless of if I am being yelled at / punished / told what to do, because I realize that this fear isn't about an actual physical abuse but rather within a power game as feeling inferior as a slave, as submitted to the authority of the master, thus I realize that as long as I participate with and accept the construct of authority, I am responsible for experiencing myself as less than, and thus, the only thing that must change within this is me and within that what I accept and allow, thus I commit myself to stop participation within/as the construct of authority, when and as I see myself accepting someone as having authority over me, I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here, within facing the fear and realizing the lie of it, thus I breathe and communicate/participate within the situation within stability, pushing through the fear until I have proven to myself that I am the self directive principle and not the fear
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question authority, but to take it for granted as part of the system, as accepting the fact/situation where some people have power over others and within their authority can harm/abuse/suppress/punish as they see fit within the acceptance of society/system, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as the construct of authority as I have given my power away to authority as I have allowed them to have power over me within my experience of/as myself, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand within/as equality, within realizing all are equal regardless of what role we play in society, and within this I have allowed myself to experience inferiority and as a result fear when confronted with an authority, merely because they were seen and accepted by me as an authority
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of standing up to my teacher with tears in my eyes, within an energetic experience, as I interpret the memory within self diminishment as a point of weakness and thus have created a self definition for/as myself based on this memory of being weak in the face of authority, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see within this remembrance of the situation that there was also a point of standing up, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the memory within self interest of/as the mind, as manipulating the information into creating another layer/dimension of fear within me as a mind tactic to keep me enslaved. I have come to realize that any point of self diminishment as self belief as limitation/inferiority/fear is a mind created character keeping me from realizing myself as life, within the fight for survival of my ego as the characters I have spent my entire life to create and uphold, thus now, within realizing that all the personalities and characters I have believed to have defined me, have been and are all lie, I commit myself to stop myself from participating within/as them, and within this I commit myself to investigate all points/dimensions of fear that still exist within me, and to one by one, walk through them, through seeing the points of acceptance within writing, self forgiveness and through corrective statement to prepare myself for correction in physical application
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the authority construct within and as myself and within the world system, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the construct is real and valid and thus participate within it as allowing myself to respect/fear authority and on the other hand to accept myself as authority on others, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in power games, as proving to myself my self-value through competition, instead of letting go the authority construct and thus letting go the competition and simply allowing myself to be here as equals within self support and the support of others as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the pattern of fear of authority, and within that to, instead of allowing myself to express myself freely with all equally, to fear expressing myself in front of authority, and thus to accumulate reaction/back chat up to the point of compounded anger where I "explode" with emotions and lose control, and thus experience myself as weak in the eyes of the authority, not realizing that I have created this point of weakness through not standing within/as breath and expressing myself as equals, thus I see that within accepting authority I already accept myself as inferior and thus exist in fear and manifest the situation from the starting point of fear
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as weak for not holding back the tears within the memory, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to due to my acceptance of the memory as valid I have believed I am weak in face of authority and thus have allowed myself to be directed by this fear and stop myself from approaching/talking to people I consider are an authority, thus not seeing them as equal within seeing myself as inferior to them, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the desire I have to feel powerful in front of authority is still within the limitation of the definition and acceptance of authority, and thus still within the polarity, the power game, and thus the energy. I commit myself to when I see myself defining someone as an authority I stop myself within breath, I realize that they are a human being, that eats and shits like me, and thus is equal me in all ways, I realize that as long as I am holding back and not expressing myself I am accepting their authority and thus creating myself as weak/inferior, I commit myself to approach / speak / ask the one I perceive to be an authority as I support myself within breath, to push through this self created fear and allow myself to express myself without limitation, within common sense, within realizing that in the system, as long as others accept the authority, as police for instance, I must play the game, but the point being to stop participation within the energy that I have attached to it, within realizing it's an act we are playing until we change the system into a system that supports equality, and end the era of authority/suppression/intimidation within the power games accepted within the construct of authority
I commit myself to show that the construct of authority is abusive by nature as it allow some to have power and control over others, within society at large and the family construct at small, I commit myself to show that effective communication within self honesty doesn't require authority to keep order, and that through educating ourselves of the actual reality we exist as within understanding the responsibilities of taking care of this earth/nature to create a world that is enjoyable for all and not just for the 1%, we don't have to have authority because we can each be an authority onto ourselves within self honesty as we realize what needs to be done, we take self responsibility and all as equals, work together to clean up the mess that we created, and together create heaven on hearth where all are equal and communicate within a starting point of support and not of power and control
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Monday, November 12, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
Day 86 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 7 - Self Forgiveness
Day 87 - Fear Dimension - Inferiority - Part 8
I've been writing about fear, and have applied self forgiveness, but I have realized that I haven't been very specific with my self commitments, and within this I realize that writing about it and forgiving myself is one part of the process, but actually pushing myself to actually physically walk through my fear, and actually physically express myself in a different way than what I am use to within my preprogrammed characters, is another part, a crucial part, because without the living application of actually changing, I am waiting my time on verbal masturbation. I realize taking the leap and actually walking through the fear is an imperative part of this process, it's not just about talking the talk, I must push myself to walk it as a living expression as who I am.
And thus, through writing self commitments one plan the way before oneself, as a guide line, preparing oneself within accepting the challenge so to speak, to actually correct oneself in the physical.
I commit myself, when I see I have made a mistake, through being corrected, to stop any reaction within myself and to breathe, to make sure I am here, stable within/as myself, then, I commit myself to look at what is being said as a gift, as a way to expand/improve/perfect myself within my application, I commit myself to stop myself within any reaction of inferiority as I realize that any reaction implies that I am going into a character I have created myself as in self interest as a survival mechanism and thus in complete disregard of what is best for all, I realize that I have been using inferiority to protect/defend myself as the character, as the self definition I have given myself, actually protecting myself as the ego, instead of allowing myself to humbly accept what is said, and within breath allow myself to correct myself and learn from what I have done, within this, as practical application, I commit myself to ask what I can do differently, to ask for help, to ask for guidance, within accepting the fact that others can help me, that others may know more and can give me guidance, I realize this has been a "difficult" point for me due to creating an idea that asking for help represents weakness and thus I wanted asking for help to be beneath me, but I see now that any justification to not ask for assistance is a mind's manipulation, and thus invalid, as we are all here together and can help/assist/support each other, and thus I commit myself to using communication and allowing myself to be humbly and ask for help.
I commit myself to investigate the cause of the mistake, to look within self honesty and allow myself to admit/face if I have cut corners or have made the mistake deliberately in any way as for instance, when I am busy participating with back chat as justifications to cut corners, or excuses why I shouldn't do this task instead of allowing myself to be here within the task I am working on, thus, I commit myself to take responsibility for any deliberate self sabotage, to not run away from myself, but to stand as myself and accept myself as all that I have done, within realizing that it isn't personal, from the perspective that it really doesn't define me, but within that I realize that now I have an opportunity to correct myself, thus I commit myself to not judge myself because I have seen it is counterproductive and actually self abusive and self sabotaging, thus, instead of judging myself I commit myself to take responsibility within breath and humbly correct myself.
When and as I see/define myself as failing, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to go into the "I have failed/am a failure" character because I realize that by going into failure I am allowing myself to live in the past instead of being here and finding a practical livable solution/correction for the situation, and thus using failure to actually give up and fail, thus I commit myself to investigate the point within looking at my starting point to see if my starting point is valid within the principle of equality as what is best for all, or was my starting point within self interest/fear/justification, thus within investigating the starting point I take responsibility for myself, and without judging myself allow myself to become my self directive principle and change my starting point and correct myself into that which stands as best for all within equality, within this I commit myself to ask for assistance if I can't find the "problem" point or if I don't find a solution/correction for the situation, within this I commit myself let go the construct of failure and instead to see it as another step in my process of self realization, self honesty and self intimacy, of which I am walking step by step, one breath at a time
When and as I see myself wanting to be right, I stop and breathe, I realize the desire to being right is indicating that I am trying to prove myself and thus am acting within self separation as I am not accepting myself and thus believe I must prove myself within knowledge/information to validate/approve/accept myself, thus I commit myself, when I see myself go into the desire of being right or proving myself, to stop talking, to breathe and within breath to bring myself back here to my physical body, and in the moment within self honesty look at what am I doing, what I am hiding from myself, what am I actually showing myself within this "trying to be right", and within this quick investigation done with support of breath at the moment, if I see any justifications come up I just stop them and push through the desire to explain/justify and simply stay quiet and breath, and if the situation is an argument, then I humbly apologize to the other party by saying: "forgive me, I am just arguing because I want to be right, forget it, can you please explain your point again, now I'm here and am listening", thus
I commit myself to hear out the other being, within realizing that no mater what is being said I can learn from them. and within this situation of going into the character of desire to be right, I commit myself to investigate the point of self definition / comparison / competition as to find the cause/reason that I am not accepting myself within, and to forgive myself for not allowing myself to accept myself unconditionally and to judge myself for the points I have found, and thus forgive myself for I have allowed myself to live in constant competition to prove myself worthy, not realizing that I have been competing with myself within allowing the polarity of right/wrong to exist within and as myself.
Within the fear of being seen as less than, and within the back chat of seeing myself as less than in relation to tasks I am given, I commit myself to stop the judgment I hold towards specific tasks wither the nature of the task or the time it takes to do it, and within this I commit myself to push myself as self directive principle to do those tasks that I have deemed as less than, to expand myself within my application, to not limit myself within the belief that some tasks are beneath me within realizing that I am separating myself from the task as myself within participating in a mind made idea/belief/judgment and thus not valid, I've seen that when I stop the back chat and allow myself to simply do it within/as breath I find that I get comfortable with the task and 'change my mind' about it, thus I have proven to myself that the ideas/beliefs/judgments I have towards tasks don't stand once I allow myself to actually do them without back chat as judgment, I see that surprisingly I even enjoy them, so I commit myself to stop myself within breath when I see myself judging any task, and thus allow myself and push myself to do any task necessary without any limitation, by pushing myself through the back chat until I am comfortable with the task
Within the fear of being used/manipulated by others within believing the fair/unfair character, I have been existing within a debt system, as calculating what I do for them and what they do for me, and calculating what I perceive everyone is doing, thus I commit myself to do things for "free", unconditionally, and to let it go the moment I finish as to not allow myself to carry around the past with me as a charged memory as debt. Thus, I commit myself to stop myself within the expectation to get anything in return, and to find situations where I can do things for others as myself to test myself within this application as not expecting/wanting anything in return, thus creating a directive situation where I am deliberately "being used" as to walk through the fear of being used within realizing that as long as I am directing myself as the living principle there is nothing to fear within realizing no one is doing anything to me, because I am directing myself in every moment
I commit myself to push myself to do what I would do as if I didn't have issues as fear, I commit myself, when making a directive decision as to what to do, to investigate the point within considering what someone, that doesn't exist within this fear, would do, and push myself to do it, I commit myself to take on my fears and walk through them, while supporting myself with writing, self forgiveness and corrective statements, to come to a point where I am no longer directed by fears and can walk here, stable within breath, in every moment and through every situation
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Saturday, November 10, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
Day 86 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 7 - Self Forgiveness
The experience isn't about me believing I am less than them, although I realize that it is the core/source of the issue, but the point here is me reacting to the thought / interpretation of others thinking they are more / better than me - when I perceive other are thinking they are more than me I react in anger/aggravation, I judge them for thinking it, "how dare they", "they are such arrogant, over confident, snobs" "who do they think they are, they think they are better than me? fuck them".
All this going on in self created alternate reality of my mind, the trigger could be being corrected or being told what to do, but obviously other situations may trigger this character as well. within accepting and participating within this construct, of fear of being seen as less than others, i have been allowing myself to react in complete separation – separation from myself, the other and the situation as the physical reality, as I go into my mind, and ignore what is actually here, ignore the simplistically of allowing myself to be here as breath, equal and one, and move within/as myself as the physical body, within this physical reality and to communicate directly and not communicate as inner conversations with my own ego as the mind within/as my mind.
So, this is actually very similar to the fear of being judged, but with an added dimension of comparison, as I fear them coming to the conclusion that they are more than me, that they are superior than me, and treat me accordingly.
Here, again I see the connection between how I treat others when I perceive them to be less than me as the source of my fear, because how I treat others within my mind and actions, is how I expect to be treated and thus the source of the fear, showing me how i am acting/behaving towards others – thus, to find out what it is that I fear about being looked down upon I must investigate who I am within looking down upon others.
Another point to consider is that, here again, I see that I place my self value in the hands of others, as allowing myself to value myself through what I perceive others define and see in me.
So, two main points to further investigate and become clear on - who I am within comparison when I perceive myself as the superior and thus look down on the other, how do I treat them, and so on, and the other point would be related to self acceptance and the need for validation/approval of others.
the point of self acceptance keeps coming up like as the background of all of myself, and within it the desire for validation/approval/acceptance from others, the other point is a point of equality, within the principle of give as you would like to receive and do onto another as you would like to be done onto you, but here I am allowing myself to participate in abuse and thus fear being abuse within finding myself at the other side of the coin within the polarity I have accepted as superiority/inferiority – I see here that the principle of equality is here either way, when i abuse i will then equally experience/fear the abuse, and thus when I support I can walk in self trust of supporting myself as I support others
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fears as the fear of being judged as less than / inferior, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself according to how others see me and thus have not allowed myself to value myself unconditionally as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat others as less than me and act towards them in disregard/spitefulness/abuse, within this I realize that the fear I have towards others seeing me as less than them stems from my own abusive behavior I have participated within towards others and thus fear of receiving the other side of the coin, thus I commit myself to stop myself when I see myself going into judgment and compression towards others as seeing them as less than me, within realizing that as long as I participate in this construct I am allowing it to exist in all realms of existence including it coming back to me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act on my fears as putting on an act to try and become something/someone else than who I am in order to make an impression on others so they will think I am worthy, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and present myself in ways that I will get the desired response from the environment and thus when I don't get the feed back I desire I react within anger/aggravation as I am faced with myself as the acceptance of self separation revealing itself to me as inner conflict as I see that I have allowed myself to present myself in one way in order to get a positive feedback and when I get a negative feedback my act is exposed because it allows me to see that it was all an act
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be trapped in my mind to such an extent that I am actually thinking about what other people are thinking, thus validating their thoughts as well as my own as true and trust worthy, thus living not only in the alternate reality of my own mind but actually living in another alternate reality within the alternate reality in my mind, thus stepping that much further from reality as I give value and interpretation to what I believe others are thinking of me, instead of giving value to myself as life and to what is actually here within/as the physical
I commit myself to, when and as I am being corrected /told what to do, support myself within breath and do not allow myself to react, I commit myself to stop myself form going into my mind as thoughts/beliefs of what others might be thinking of me, and instead I commit myself to investigate the point I am actually showing myself within it, as the point of looking for external validation instead of living as self that needs no validation by the mere fact that I am here
When and as I interpret someone is thinking they are more than me I stop, I bring myself back here, I realize whatever goes on in ones mind is their own process to walk through and my responsibility is to stop myself as my mind/thoughts
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within the fear of being judge as wrong/stupid/inadequate, to add onto that the dimension of comparison, and within that to assume that the one that is correcting me is not only judging me but is comparing themselves to me and judging me as less than, not realizing that this is all going on in my own mind as my own creation, and thus I am the one comparing and judging myself, regardless of what the other may or may not be doing within their mind, which is in fact irrelevant, because as long as I am in my mind as thoughts / comparison / judgments I am not here as breath within the actual physical reality, thus I mist first bring myself back here as stopping my own mind / thoughts / comparison / judgments towards myself and towards others, and only then will I be able to even see and then give support to another within their mind, thus I commit myself to focus on myself from perspective of taking responsibility for myself as my own participation within/as the mind, and to stop myself form accepting myself within the separation of the mind and to bring myself here to myself
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Tuesday, October 30, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog
Day 69 - Friendship - Part 11 – Spitefulness – Part 1
Day 70 - Spitefulness - Part 2 - Self Forgiveness
Day 71 - Spitefulness - Part 3 - Self Commitments
Day 72 – Spitefulness – Part 4 – More Characters – Self Forgiveness
Day 73 - Spitefulness - Part 5 – Self Commitments
Day 74 - Spitefulness - Part 6 - Self Forgiveness
Day 75 - Spitefulness - Part 7 - Self Commitments
Spite - Malicious ill will prompting an urge to hurt or humiliate.
Desire approval - Abuse for sense of power - Passing on the energy of inferiority/anger - Expectation - Believing I am not loved - Manipulation – Control
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be approved by some people, within this desire I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect them to respond/speak to me in an approving manner, thus, when they express themselves in a way that I perceive to be as "negative" I react within taking it personally as I have accepted my self definition to be based on how I believe they see me, and thus when I believe they see me "badly" it hurts my self definition, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself in regards to how others see me and thus allow myself to be directed/controlled/limited by the perception/idea/belief of how others see me , within this I see that as a result of them not giving me the positive feedback I believe I require, I turn to spitefulness/resentment, thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the direct evil/spiteful outflow of my acceptance of myself according to how others see me, as I have placed my self definition and thus self acceptance in the hands of others and as they interact with me and how I perceive this interaction, thus not allowing myself to be self directed but rather allowing myself to be in the hands of others, not considering their entire beingness and experience of themselves in every moment, but only considering myself, and within only considering myself, when they speak/respond to me in a way that doesn't express their approval I turn spiteful
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to pick on those that I define as weaker than me, allowing myself to bully/spite/abuse them as a form or regaining a sense of power within the starting point of believing I need to regain my power due to actually seeing myself as weak/inferior/worthless, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as inferiority, which is an entire character within itself that serve my self interest of surviving as I have created myself as inferior, not allowing myself to see that the outflow of my accepted and allowed inferiority to exist within me results as the consequence of allowing myself to become spiteful towards others, and thus to create/manifest inferiority in another while attempting to regain my power, still within the polarity of superiority/inferiority, instead of stepping out of the polarity which is based in the mind as an illusion in fact and not on actual reality as the physical, and allow myself to exist as the hereness of myself, as breath, as the physical, while supporting myself and others as myself to become the living expression of/as ourselves, to live within self honesty, in equality, as what is best for all
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be nasty towards others within spitefulness when I am aware they have done nothing wrong so to speak, but I am consumed with an emotional energetic reaction such as inferiority or anger for example, that within my experience I must pass it on to someone else to diffuse it, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass on the energy I am experiencing to an innocent by-stander, just to feel the relief of not having to carry/experience this energy I have just passed on within self interest and complete disregard of the other human being, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by doing so, as passing on the negative experience, as to share the load with someone else, I am not actually getting rid of the problem but duplicating it, as it now exist in myself due to not actually walking through the point and allowing myself to face the reaction I have allowed myself to participate within, and now I have given it to another person, that will react/respond to what I have done/said to them, and create the energy within them, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take self responsibility on my creation as energetic reaction and instead of dealing within it through/as breath within/as myself I pass it on like a hot potato, not realizing the self interest self deception of giving myself a momentarily relief to only a few moments later, once the energetic possession has passed to go into guilt for allowing myself to act within spitefulness within self interest with no justification to validate me as I know within myself that what I have done is complete disregarding the other person within their life process, as well as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as spitefulness when someone doesn't hold up to the expectation I have on them, as I feel like I deserve to get something specific from them as positive feedback, agreement or participation for instance, and if I don't get what I want/expect from them, I react within spitefulness, within this, on the other side of the coin, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within spitefulness when I feel someone is expecting something of me, as I experience it as a form of limitation and as a disregard of the totality of me, and thus when one expect me to do something and expresses their expectation/disappointment I go into spitefulness and hold it against them, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I have been participating in both sides of the coin, both expecting from others, and reacting to them expecting from me, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the construct of expectation as I have realized that it is based on limitation and the disregard of the totality of a being, and is based solely on self interest
Within the construct of expectation, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into spitefulness when I expect someone to love me, and express their love in a specific way that I would experience that love, and thus, when I don't experience that love which I expect to experience from another I allow myself to go into spitefulness and resent the being for not giving me the positive/validation/acceptance experience of love, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself as I define myself according to how I perceive people think/feel about me, thus not allowing myself to be here in every moment as the self directive principle of/as myself, but instead to rely on others to approve/validate/accept/love me, within this I see that I expect to get all of this from others instead of allowing myself to give it to myself within building myself as self, and accepting myself as self, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from myself to such an extent that in order to love/accept/appreciate/validate/approve myself, I believe I require an external acceptance/love/approval
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use spitefulness within manipulation as I know everyone is directed by emotions and feelings and thus I play on it and manipulate them into experiencing themselves in a specific/bad way through my participation in/as spitefulness and thus I play god as I use through manipulation my spitefulness to direct them to do that which I want, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the other side of the coin once again where I allow myself to become spiteful towards other beings when/as I see they are using manipulation to get what they want, as I have defined it as unacceptable within the value system, not allowing myself to see that I am in fact "guilty" of the same crime, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify myself when I act/behave in manipulative way but when others do it I use it against them and justify my spitefulness towards them, thus allowing myself to exist as two faced, not aligned with the principles/values I believe I stand by, thus creating a tare within me, as a form of separation where I always see myself as right and others as wrong, and thus within this basic belief/point of view, of always being right, I justify myself and blame them for basically doing the same thing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in spitefulness when I experience myself as not being in control of a situation, where I believe someone else is directing the situation and I am simply going with the flow of things, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent the other being for being in control as I experience myself not being in control of the situation and thus I resent them within spitefulness for "taking away my power" instead of realizing that it is my responsibility to take control of the situation through/within/as taking control over myself, as being the directive principle of/as myself within my experience of/as myself, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in the idea/belief/experience that someone else is too much in control and that they are to blame/responsible for my experience of being out of control, thus abdicating my self responsibility and not allowing myself to see that only I am responsible for not being in control within/as a situation and within this realization I recognize that I am responsible to see the point that I have given away my power in regards to, and claim it back through walking it within stopping the beliefs that I don't have power through supporting myself with writing the points out and applying self forgiveness and corrective statements as to pave the path before me to self change, as to be able to claim back my power that I have given away
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Saturday, October 27, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog
Day 69 - Friendship - Part 11 – Spitefulness – Part 1
Day 70 - Spitefulness - Part 2 - Self Forgiveness
Day 71 - Spitefulness - Part 3 - Self Commitments
Day 72 – Spitefulness – Part 4 – More Characters – Self Forgiveness
Blame – Annoyance – Superiority – Inferiority - Worthlessness
I commit myself to investigate any/all spiteful thoughts I have allowed myself to participate within, and within that to investigate all points where I still fall in the pattern/addiction of spitefulness, and within that to find the actual source as driving force that I have allowed myself to be directed by, and stop myself from allowing myself to continue being directed like a puppet on strings, I commit myself to utilize breath as self support and within this to always direct myself back to the physical as what is actually here as life, and not allow myself to be distracted/tempted by the realm of the mind, as I know it's a one way road to hell in the sense of - through allowing myself to separate myself from myself as life, through allowing myself to participate within/as the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions, through not being directive principle in every moment, I have allowed myself to be nasty/spiteful/evil and thus due to actually knowing and being aware of all that I am beneath my mask and act of ignorance there builds up shame/guilt/regret for not stopping - thus within not stopping, I realize I will create my own personal hell of shame/guilt/regret, because beneath this lie, I know I am life, I know my thoughts are running around within the self interest and disregarding myself as life and all as life as equals - thus I commit myself to stop
I commit myself to show that all thoughts are evil in nature, and all thoughts are motivated by self interest, and that within allowing ourselves to participate in thoughts, within allowing ourselves to participate in the spiteful back chat of our hidden mind, we are actually creating this world as evil/abusive/spiteful, and thus we are each responsible to stop ourselves within/as our participation of/within the mind, to be able to walk the first step in bringing about a world that supports life, as well as walking the first step of birthing ourselves as beings that are worthy of life
I commit myself to investigate within myself all points of blame, because I realized that all blame is me hiding from me as not taking self responsibility for that which I am in fact responsible for, I commit myself to stopping myself within breath when I see myself going into blame and to breathe as long as it takes to stop the blame possession from taking over, I coming myself to not allow myself to go into spitefulness based in blame because I realize this is deceptive act getting me to lose track of what really matters which is my responsibility, by placing it on someone else and using that as justification to poison myself and existence as a whole with my spiteful thoughts/words/deeds, thus bringing myself to a point of evil, of acting out the very thing I blame another for, I commit myself to build myself as self integrity through stopping myself from participating in that which I blame others for, which is that which is unacceptable as it is based in abuse/evil/spitefulness
I commit myself to show that any form of blame is done within spitefulness, within placing self's responsibility on another and thus spiting self through deliberately abdicating self responsibility and hiding from self within separation through participation within the mind as thoughts such as blame, within this I commit myself to show that participating with blame is directly accepting abuse to exist within participating in the spiteful thoughts towards another within realizing that spiteful actions come from and are a direct result of spiteful thoughts and thus to ensure spitefulness/abuse stop we must stop all thoughts
I commit myself to use annoyance as a gift, as a tool for self realization and thus self support, to through annoyance see who I am allowing myself to be and what I have allowed to have directive principle over me in becoming annoyed by external trigger, and thus within realizing the points of trigger to see what I am actually showing myself within myself, and thus I commit myself to investigate all points of annoyance and atop myself within/as breath when I see myself going into annoyance as to not allow the experience of annoyance to direct me, and thus to become the directive principle of/as myself, directing myself within the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all
I commit myself to humble myself within/as breath, when I see myself going into superiority, within realizing that superiority is a survival mechanism I have accepted as myself to cover up the experience of inferiority I have allowed myself to exist as, and thus I commit myself to use points of superiority to show myself back to myself, to allow myself to see the point I believe I am better than another and within that the point I fear being less than another and to within seeing these points to forgive myself for accepting myself to exist within the specific polarity of more/less within forgiving the value system I am basing this polarity on, within realizing that any polarity is of the mind, within this I commit myself to investigate the value systems I have allowed myself to participate within and accept as valid due to realizing that all values that are enforced by society are in fact based on self interest and the deception within living as an accepted norm within competition and lacking any self honesty as self expression, and further more lacking the principle of life as equality and oneness
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself going into inferiority towards another and to investigate the point within writing myself to freedom through self forgiveness as to free myself from the perceived inferiority as I have realized it is limiting me and diminishing me and has no value within my process except keeping me enslaved to/as the mind within limitation, within this I commit myself to if/when I see myself going into spitefulness towards the being I am experiencing myself inferior to, to stop myself at the moment, to not allow myself to participate within spiteful thoughts/words/actions because I know this is self deception and creating conflict and abuse and in any way doesn't support myself nor the other as life within our process of life, I commit myself to investigate points of inferiority and to bring myself to a point of equality within myself and existence as a whole
I commit myself to stop participating within/as worthlessness, returning to the physical within/as breath, within realizing that the experience of being worthless is a back door of taking self responsibility within believing myself to be a victim of life, thus not allowing myself to direct myself as life, one and equal to/as life, thus I commit myself to show that any experience of self worthlessness is self manipulation keeping self trapped within/as the mind, a trap created by self and thus can be ended by self, within realizing that I am responsible for/as myself and thus I have the opportunity in every breath to live a life a worth through establishing myself as a being that support myself, that supports all other beings in my immediate environment, that support all life as equals - that is a life worth living, a life that holds no regret within the self trust that self is doing all within the principle of supporting life, and walking life breath by breath, and thus I commit myself to walk breath by breath, and to direct myself to support myself within self honesty, within stopping the mind/thoughts/spitefulness and returning to myself as the physical, as reality, as life
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Friday, October 26, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog
Day 69 - Friendship - Part 11 – Spitefulness – Part 1
Day 70 - Spitefulness - Part 2 - Self Forgiveness
Day 71 - Spitefulness - Part 3 - Self Commitments
Just to be clear with myself as to what i am writing about: the definition of “spite” from online dictionary - Spite - Malicious ill will prompting an urge to hurt or humiliate.
I am continuing with the character of spitefulness and how I have created it through using it as an outflow of participation within other characters, on tonight's blog I will address the following characters that I found I fall into and in turn accept myself as spiteful
Blame – Annoyance – Superiority – Inferiority – Worthlessness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in spitefulness wither thoughts/words/actions/behavior, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a deliberate harmful/abusive thought/word/deed not taking into consideration the consequences of such participation within myself, the other and existence as a whole, within not realizing that by participating within/as spitefulness I am giving my allowance for all spitefulness to exist within the principle of as within so without, and thus by not allowing myself to stop myself as spitefulness I allow the construct of spitefulness to continue everywhere, thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to push/will myself to stop myself as spitefulness due to realizing that the responsibility goes much further beyond my privet experience, there is an outflow that effects everything and everyone, and thus I am responsible to stop myself or live with the regret for not stopping and allowing it/myself to continue
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when/as I go into the blame character within believing that someone had done me wrong, or had done something that they shouldn't have, or that they are responsible for some form of consequence that is not in my best interest, I allow myself to go into spitefulness towards them, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use blame as a justification for me to be spiteful towards another being, through believing they did something wrong within judging them in my mind and while accepting the blame/judgment I then allow myself to participate in harmful/abusive thoughts/words/actions towards them, as allowing myself a form of poetic justice within believing they are to blame and thus I spite them as punishment/revenge/deliberate consequences
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become annoyed by others for various reasons and within becoming annoyed at them, within believing that they are the cause of my annoyance, within judging them for not being as I wish them to be for me not to get annoyed, within justifying myself within accepting the annoyance due to how they are / how they express themselves what they are doing, I then allow myself to spite them in my mind as thoughts of wanting to hard them, wanting them to experience the uncomfortability/pain I am experiencing, not allowing myself to see for one moment that I am the only one responsible for my reactions/feelings/emotions, and thus if I am experiencing annoyance I must look within self and investigate why/how I have created this experience within/as myself, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate the point of annoyance and go automatically to spitefulness while not allowing myself to face myself and bring myself to a point of change within taking self responsibility of/for myself in every thought/word/action/experience within/as me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within spitefulness from a starting point of superiority, where I have defined myself as better then the other person and thus experience myself as superior due to specific criteria, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, when such people that I experience myself as superior to, do something that justifies my superiority, as in proves my superiority to be correct, I go into spitefulness and allow myself to spite the in my thoughts/words/actions, where I, through expressing spitefulness towards them within or without, show to myself/others how much more I am then the other being through allowing myself to spite them as it is interpreted by me as a form of power, thus proving my superiority
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as spitefulness towards people that I experience myself as inferior to within allowing myself to compare myself to them and exist within constant competition with them of which I always perceive myself as the loser, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame them within myself within believing that they are doing it to me, and thus I allow myself to spite them to show myself within my mind that I am able to hurt them and thus am not actually inferior
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as worthless, and within that experience being bad/negative I want to stop it within self interest, and thus I turn to spitefulness as a point of showing myself that I have worth through being able to hurt others, thus validating myself as worth living through my ability of hurting/abusing another as if in a way the ability to have an effect on another is proof that I am alive, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the mind experience of unworthiness to bring me to a position that I don't care about what harm/abuse I create as long as I have an effect as that will prove to me that I have value
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog
Day 69 - Friendship - Part 11 – Spitefulness – Part 1
The point of spitefulness opened up through writing about friendships, as I have exposed to myself the point of spitefulness within friendships. While writing I found myself going into resistance towards opening up the point, I wrote and deleted and wrote and deleted, thus i saw that this point needs direct attention and deeper investigation.
I realize this resistance is here to "protect" myself from the perspective of protecting the who I am as the characters of the mind, as the personalities I have created myself as, protecting myself form not admitting myself as spiteful and thus not having to change - this resistance is the mind's attempt to sabotage my self realization. Within realizing this, I know I must push through this point, I must face myself, I must let go the judgment/shame that I have manipulated myself into using as a shield protecting me from myself, and allow myself to humbly see me as who I have accepted myself to become within participating with and creating nastiness/spitefulness/evil, so that through seeing, allowing myself to forgive myself and correct myself within the principle of that which is best for all - which is defiantly NOT spitefulness.
I took a look at all my relationships to see where and why I have allowed myself to go into and participate with spitefulness . The reasons/justifications for spitefulness are many, each one of them is a character in itself, but here I will just address them in respect to spitefulness, and make note to myself to go into them further in blogs to come, so here goes:
Competition
Arrogance
Impatience
Jealousy
Revenge
Limitation
Blame
Annoyance
Superiority
Inferiority
Worthlessness
Judgment
Being corrected
Not trusting
Fare game
Being miss treated
Desire approval
Abuse for sense of power
Passing on the energy of inferiority/anger
Expectation
Disappointment
Believing I am not loved
Manipulation
Control
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as spitefulness as a deliberate action/thought intended to hurt/harm/abuse another
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as spitefulness/nastiness towards people I have created a competition towards, and within the competition I see myself as the loser and thus spite them as a form of regaining my power back through thinking nasty thoughts in my hidden mind, or actually speaking the words or acting out on the spitefulness, as a way to weaken the other in my mind or actually through their reaction to my words/deeds, and thus I use spitefulness to weaken/harm/abuse the other, to place myself in a better position within the mind created competition
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness from a starting point of arrogance, as I see myself as more than the other as I have defined them as stupid/slow, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define a multi dimensional being in a one dimension definition within a deliberate act of spitefulness to limit them in my mind and to be able to place them in a box as to get rid of the complexity of the multi-dimetionality and to justify myself within the belief that they are in fact that which I defined them as, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define others in such ways that I will feel empowered/stronger, and thus to live out this desire of power I think/speak/act within spitefulness towards them, as to prove to myself the position of power that I so very much desire, at the expense of them and in complete disregard of them as multi-dimetional and equal beings, not considering them at all and the abuse/harm I am causing in their lives and within their process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as spitefulness within a starting point of impatience as I believe myself to be more than the other and thus within disregarding them as equal beings as life, and thus I allow myself to participate within impatience and express it through thoughts/words/deeds within spitefulness, to make sure the other being is aware of my experience of impatience as a way to make them feel small/valueless/worthless and thus on the other side I can feel strong/valuable/worthy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness within the starting point of jealousy, as I find myself jealous of another being and experience myself as less than them, thus I turn to spitefulness as a way to hurt them as I hold them responsible and blame them for my experience of jealousy, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the experience of jealousy is self created and not done to me by anyone but myself, and thus participating in spitefulness towards another is a form of abdicating self responsibility as I have not taken responsibility for the construct of jealousy that I have been participating with, but instead take it out on them within spitefulness, not realizing that it is I who have defined myself as less than them, while using them as an object to project my self abuse as my experience of inferiority/worthlessness, thus using them as a tool in my life to abuse them in order to experience momentarily the power that I have denied from myself through self diminishment and self judgment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness within the starting point of revenge, where I experience another being spiteful towards me, and I resent them for that, as I have reacted and have taken their spitefulness personally instead of allowing myself to see the construct they are participating within and stop myself from reacting through realizing that it isn't in fact personal but just a mind game within the intention to get me to react, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to spitefulness out of deliberate ignorance as to why the other is being spiteful, and within accepted ignorance I have allowed myself to spite them back and thus participate in spitefulness myself even though I have experienced it's harmful/abusive nature, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the "cry for help" within another's spitefulness as I now realize that any spitefulness is an expression of self worthlessness/inferiority/judgment, and thus any being that is spiteful is in fact not allowing themselves to express/face themselves in a supportive way, thus instead of supporting them as myself to see themselves to realize themselves as equals as life, I use it against them because I as well have not yet realized myself as life, and I spite them back as revenge to feel an experience of power/control, to cover up my own self diminishment/inferiority
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto memories of experiencing others being spiteful towards me and to bring up these memories within myself and use them as leverage for revenge, justifying to myself that it's ok for me to be spiteful because they were spiteful in the past so I get to do it too, creating within this a value system of revenge, as if someone had done me wrong I can do it as well, instead of seeing the harm/abuse of spitefulness as I have experienced it for myself and allowing myself to be the one to stop the "back and forth" game of spitefulness, a game where we all are losers, as we are all diminishing ourselves and each other in order to play, thus not allowing ourselves to see ourselves as equal and to thus support ourselves as life, but instead to abuse/harm within spitefulness/nastiness based on a value system that approves and validates revenge
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness within the starting point of limitation, where I have perceive myself to being limited by another, while not allowing myself to see that the experience of limitation is self inflicted, and thus I blame the other for creating the experience of limitation within myself, and allow myself to go into the character of self victimization, instead of standing up within/as myself and stopping the experience of limitation, within seeing reality for what it is within/as the physical, and taking into consideration only physical limitation as reality, while realizing that any experience of limitation is just that, an experience, thus created within/as the mind and is not tangible as the physical, thus not real as the physical, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the experience of limitation to be real, and thus to blame others for creating this experience within myself, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in spitefulness towards these beings while using blame as justification as to why I am allowed to spite them, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am in fact only spiting myself for not allowing myself to see that I am the one creating the experience of limitation within/as myself, and thus through allowing myself to participate in blame and spitefulness I distract myself from seeing that I am in fact the source for my experience and thus have the power to stop myself within and as breath, as a self directive decision, instead of continuing the cycle of self abuse as I allow myself to abuse others on the way
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness within the starting point of blame, where I blame another for doing something wrong, I judge them for what they have done, I blame them for being the cause of my experiencing
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that all spitefulness is sourced within fear/inferiority/worthlessness that I have accepted as myself and is designed to create the polarity of these inner experiences as I create them in other beings, and thus participate/create/enhance the cycle of evil through passing on the torch of fear/inferiority/worthlessness while not actually letting go of it, but only duplicating it in lives of others while still holding on to my own, because I haven't in fact dealt with the point of fear/inferiority/worthlessness, thus I am still limited/directed by it, and so within spitefulness I duplicate the negative energy within myself and within others, instead of standing up for life and stopping the cycle of abuse, not allowing myself to see, realize and understand the vast consequences of participation with energy, as I allow it to consume myself as the physical, as it consumes myself in every moment within preoccupying myself through spiteful thoughts and fear of spitefulness, and thus not allows me to be here as breath, living a life that is worth living within/as the physical body, as the reality of me
corrective statements in the following blog, and then the next bunch of characters that the spiteful character latches onto.
stay tuned
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