Showing posts with label procrastination. Show all posts
Showing posts with label procrastination. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
It's still the same point - when I am about to do something that has to do with interaction with people, such as going to a meeting or making a phone call, I experience this form of resistance, a form of fear, an anxiety, and I am reluctant to do it - that's when the back chat is most creative, because now it starts coming up with all the reasons why it's valid to avoid this point and procrastinate it, suddenly "later" is the best time to do everything, suddenly all the other things on my "to do" list jump to first priority and so, instead of seeing this for what it is, as a pattern of fear that I have been participating with all my life up to a point of believing it to be me, and that this pattern as my participation with fear, has been and still is, limiting me from becoming as effective as I can be, enabling me to accomplish all that I want to, and instead of simply not allowing myself to follow this back chat to actually do that which I know needs to be done regardless my momentary preferences and irrational fears.
Looking at it now, I see myself actually enjoying the back chat, as it is the only thing that "allows me to be me" or "accepts me as who I am" - but is it really who I am, or is this back chat simply allowing me to continue existing in my fear as the limitation of myself, and to stay in my small zone of comfort and not change - it "feels" like my back chat is on "my side", it feels like it supports me, when really it is not, it could not be further from the truth - the back chat is only "supporting" me in self interest as the mind, allowing me and manipulating me to exist as a limited lifeless organic robot, but it really never supports me in fact, as who I really am, as what is actually best for me within the greater picture, the picture that is reality as the physical - it never actually supports me as a living being in a living and physical reality - it only supports me as the mind, as the illusion, as opinions, as preferences, as beliefs, as the narrow and limited view of self interest.
I have been following my mind blindly, allowing myself to be directed day in and day out, allowing myself to be directed by the back chat making it to be the god of me, instead of standing up within and as myself and making a stand to / for / as myself, reclaiming myself back to myself, reminding and stating to myself that I am here to serve myself as life, if nothing else than should at least push myself to do what is really best for me, as true self interest and not destructive self interest within following the patterns of fear and self sabotage - to push myself to support myself in fact as what is really best for me in the long run, which is what is best for all in the greater picture, and visa versa, as what is best for all is always the answer to what is best for me - and even though I cannot say I always know what is best, I know for a fact that it is certainly not best for me nor anyone around me to justify my own limitation and accept my fears as the director of me, but rather to support myself to over come my fears and expand and grow and allow myself to become a fearless being, that walks in stability, in consistency, in certainty, in self trust, in self honor, that is up for any challenge, that will not stop for anything until the task is done and complete, that will keep on walking and learning and expanding in every moment and every breath, and walking each breath within the principle of equality as love thy neighbor as myself, as a living practice.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blog:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait for the last minute with attending to my responsibilities
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in the pattern of waiting for the last minute, whereas within this pattern I have created a self belief that I am motivated by the stress of waiting for the last minute, and thus when I have time I am not motivated / moved to attend to my responsibilities and then, when I run out of time, suddenly I am able to sit and apply myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a elf belief regarding waiting for the last minute, as if it is a skill that one has or doesn't have, as the ability to apply oneself at a proper time, allowing self to walk the point in ease and not hurry and rush through the point, and not compromise the point within addressing it later than one should - I realize this is not a skill and thus a self belief, a self definition in regards to this point is foolish, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I lack the skill of doing things at a proper time while allowing myself the time to attend to them uncompromisingly, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea that such a skill exists, that some people are able more than others to attend to their responsibilities at a proper and effective time - I realize this is not actually a skill that one has or can acquire, this is a pattern of habit and thus anyone can change within it, within understanding the "why" and "how" of the pattern, to be able to set free of the pattern and direct myself to apply myself at the most supportive and practical time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for waiting with things for the last minute, where in I judge myself from a starting point of morality as if it is bad or wrong to wait till the last minute, thus attaching negative energy to the point / pattern, instead of seeing it simply within it's practicality no energy necessary, where I realize that waiting for the last minute isn't bad or wrong, as that is simply a judgment of the mind and is creating inner conflict and friction as a negative experience as self judgment, whereas the pattern is simply impractical, because it causes compromising the responsibility, due to the physical fact that things often take longer than planed, and other things often come up unexpectedly, things that are out of ones control, and then the little time that was left, as the last minute, is gone, and one hasn't got the time to complete effectively ones responsibility - thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for waiting for the last minute within believing it reflects having bad character from a moral starting point, instead of realizing and seeing the practicality of not waiting for the last minute and actually attending to ones responsibility in a proper time frame whenever possible, and thus not making it a point of energy as seeing it as good / bad and judging myself as good / bad according to my participation with such a pattern - instead of attaching energy simply investigating the point / pattern in common sense and coming to the conclusion that it is much more effective, self supportive and practical to do things with enough time to do them - anything else, as procrastination and waiting for the last minute is self sabotage
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the pattern of waiting for the last minute as another form of self sabotage, as a way to fall before I've fallen, as a way to fail myself instead of creating a supportive platform for myself to stand up on, I have created a myself as a pile of patterns that simply don't work, that are not practical nor effective.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait till the last minute as a point of self sabotage, where I use it as a way to avoid my responsibilities, where I do not admit to myself that I am trying to avoid them, but rather convince myself that it's ok to do just some more other things as time goes by, and take care of my responsibility later and later until it comes to a point of "it's now or never / tomorrow" and then I will either do it or I won't, and thus, have allowed the pattern of waiting to the last minute to escalade into procrastination where I plan doing it but wait to the last minute and then in some cases end up not getting to it
Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as indifferent, where I act like I don't care much about the responsibility or the result of my efforts, though in fact, when I miss a dead line, or have to compromise my work / responsibility in order make it on time - I am not in fact indifferent, I am not care free, when missing a dead line or compromising a project within the reason of not giving myself enough time as waiting for the last minute - I have allowed myself to go into guilt and self judgment and pretty much experience it as a bad experience - and thus, I realize that waiting for the last minute is simply not of self support but rather self abusive, because the result is clear as self compromise, where it is a step in the path of back chat / avoidance / self judgment / guilt
I realize that the distractions of the mind always focus on "now", instead of looking at ones actions in practicality and making a directive decision, not based on ones momentary desires but on common sense as the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all - i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the back chat:"do what you want now, enjoy yourself now ,forget the consequences, disregard the outflow, and just focus on what you want to do now" - when I have proven to myself time and time again, that the consequences are pre known and are not late to follow, and by then it is too late, one cannot undo that which has been done, and one cannot escape ones consequences - and thus, instead of living in practical common sense as within considering the outflow / consequences and applying myself in such a way that the outflow / consequences will be best, as sticking to a priority list and making sure i apply myself effectively within and as my responsibilities - instead I have been allowing myself to ignore the fact that there is always an outflow / consequence, and that without directing it I am allowing myself to be subject to whatever careless outcome I bring upon oneself, and those around me, due to following my momentary desires as what i want to do now, as waiting for the last minute with my responsibilities.
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Friday, July 6, 2012
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create myself
as the character of procrastinator
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take
responsibility for myself within participating as the character of
procrastination and thus have allowed and accepted procrastination to exist
within myself and the world as myself
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe I am
defined by this character of being a procrastinator, not realizing that I have
created myself as such and only through my allowance and accepted have I become
one and equal to this character
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to live as the
character of procrastinator and through my acceptance of this character use it
as an excuse to not take self responsibility and apply myself within my world
effectively because I have believed and defined myself as procrastinator
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel trapped
in this character of procrastination, and thus have allowed myself to be
directed by it and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing
myself to postpone things/activities due to believing I am a procrastinator and
thus have legitimacy to postpone because it is who I am. Not allowing myself to
see and realize that I am not in fact the character of procrastination and by accepting
and allowing myself exit as such a character I am re-creating it and
compounding the power it has on me, in other words, as long as I allow myself
to participate and play along within the character of procrastinator, I am
making it harder for me to see, realize and understand that it is not who I am
in fact, within participating more as the character of procrastination I am creating
more and more memories to then define as myself and to remind myself that I am
in fact a procrastinator
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use the
character of procrastination as an excuse to give up on myself before I even
start, within the manipulation of not leaving myself enough time to be
effective within my assignment/activities, and thus set myself for failure and mediocre
achievement, thus allowing the construct of mediocrity to exist within myself
and within the world as myself, not realizing that "shooting low" is
based in fear and thus I have been allowing fear to direct me through the
character of procrastination
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as
the character of procrastination as a method to hide from myself the fear I allow
myself to experience when faced with assignments/activities I believe myself to
have difficulty with, and then within validating the character of "I am
not good at this" I create the procrastination character to make sure I actually
do a mediocre job, and not allow myself to do everything I could have done if I
had given myself the time to do things properly, within an idea time frame
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the character
of procrastination back up character to enforce other characters that are based
in fear/self-judgment/self-doubt
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support many other
characters that I have created as myself through the character of
procrastination
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see realize and
understand that by participating in the character of procrastination I am
supporting all the other characters that I have created that are creating my
experience of failure/inadequacy/inferiority
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that by
participating in the character of procrastination I am leading the way before
me for self-judgment and thus self-abuse, within that I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to participate within the character of
procrastination within knowing as myself the path it leads and still allowing
myself to go down that path as a deliberate method to abuse myself, instead of
stopping myself within the understanding that the path of procrastination leads
to self-judgment as self-abuse and to stop myself within/as support of life
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop the
character of procrastination because I actually don't want to take self
responsibility and having this character of procrastination as a support
character of the other self-sabotaging characters is the method I use to excuse
myself from actually living as self-responsibility, within the belief that I am
not cut out for it, I am not capable, because I am a procrastinator
I commit myself to stopping my participation within/as the character of
procrastinator, within the understanding that I am the creator of this
character, thus cannot be defined by it but instead have the power/ability to
stop my participation within/as it
I commit myself to seeing/investigating if/when I find myself participating
within/as the character of procrastination to from the investigation find and forgiving
myself for the reason/excuse I have given myself to procrastinate and to stop
myself within/as breath from then on if/when the reason come up
I commit myself to using the character of procrastination as a support
character to help me see what other character is actually hiding beneath the
procrastination character so I can once and for all get to the bottom of myself
as the characters I have allowed myself to exist as and have allowed myself to
lose myself within, in order to forgive myself for all the characters that I have
allowed myself to exist as and to let them go one by one so that I can stop myself
as an organic robot defined by the self created character, but rather to trust
myself to live as life, here within/as breath, not limited nor directed by
characters but actually living fully in every breath what is best for all life
I commit myself to supporting myself as life through the process of self
forgiveness as I free myself and let go one by one of all the characters I have
been participating with
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