Day 114 - Avoiding work –Part 5 - blame and manipulation - Self Forgiveness

The following blog is a continuation of my previous writings, please read them for further context if you haven’t already :
Day 110 - Avoiding Work

Day 111 – Self interest can never be “right”

Day 112 - Avoiding work –Part 3 - Self Forgiveness

Day 113 – Enjoying Work

I realize I have been blaming/judging others for believing they are trying to avoid work, not realizing I am projecting myself onto them and thus distracting myself from my own acceptance and participation within avoiding work, while believing myself to be good and self righteous while judging others for being bad and manipulative, within this I realize my experience has been directed through the constant anticipation of being manipulated, within expecting others to be as manipulative as me, instead of stopping myself within manipulation and standing up within breath and simply allow myself and push myself to do what needs to be done, and not distract me from myself through judging/blaming others for what I perceive them to be doing, within the neurotic idea that they are plotting against me


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in manipulation within hiding my self interest to avoid working, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project myself onto others within the expectation of them doing the same, and thus to blame them for trying to avoid work instead of being self honest with myself and changing myself within my starting point of believing work should be avoided, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame/judge others for that which I still participate within, and thus I commit myself to align myself with the principle of equality within give as you would like to receive and thus if I want to live in a world where people don't manipulate each other to avoid working - it must start with self first, and thus it must start with self change, and thus I commit myself to change my starting point towards work and within that I commit myself to stop myself form manipulating other for my own self interest, and only once I have changed myself I can look at others from a starting point of supporting them to see what they are participating within - but I realize I must be clear within and as myself first and stand as self trust to be sure that I am not participating within avoidance and manipulation, thus, when and as I see myself going into avoidance and manipulation in regards to work, I stop myself and breathe, I stop the back chat and bring myself back here to/as breath and walk the practical steps to get the job done, within this I commit myself to deliberately place myself in positions where normally I would want to avoid as to be able to brake the pattern and prove to myself that I am my self directive principle and that I am not limited / restricted / directed by the mind


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within the belief that work must be avoided, to have allowed myself to manipulate and deceive those around me as I try to get out of doing work, and within that expect others to do the same as me as I project myself onto them, and thus exist within an anticipation as an alert state as if waiting to be conned/manipulated


I realize that when I judge others for being manipulative I am actually showing myself that such manipulation still exist within me, and thus I stop myself within and as breath and turn it back to myself, within allowing myself to see in the moment where I am not being self honest and actually am manipulating the situation to suit my hidden self interest


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a constant state of anticipation, as waiting to be conned / manipulated and thus communicate to others from a starting point of self defense as I defend my self interest while I am sure the other is acting from within their own self interest and thus I create a war/competition between us, as the battle of the ego, while existing within self righteousness and believing that I am innocent and they are the manipulative ones, thus I commit myself to when I experience myself in the state of anticipation towards someone manipulating me, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here to the practical physical reality and check my starting point to find where I am acting within self interest, and within this I commit myself to change my starting point and align it with what is best for all within the situation, and if I cannot find the point of self interest I commit myself to let go the point and not fight for it, because I realize it's become an ego battle, and all that will come out of it is friction and conflict, thus I take self responsibility and do not allow myself to participate and create more energy through friction and conflict and thus I stop myself in the moment from proceeding within the conversation / argument /situation


I realize that as long as I participate within self interest I will always create and exist within conflict and friction within myself and my relationships with others, because within self interest there will always be conflict of interest, within this I realize that by pushing through the self interest and not allowing myself to participate within it, and thus not allowing myself to manipulate to get my way, I will be able to establish effective communication with others and actually come to solutions that serve all as equals, thus serve me and them, as a shared interest within this shared earth on which we live on. Thus I commit myself to when I see myself participating in self interest, to stop myself within breath and to bring myself back here to the physical and equal reality, where we are all equal as life, and thus no ones interest is more important to be fulfilled than another, but rather the interest of life, as all as equal, is the only interest that is valid to peruse, and thus I commit myself to changing my starting point, time and time again, until living as what is best for all is my "nature" where I have built self trust and have let go of all the self interest which are based on personality as ego, and allow myself to be one and equal to all the is life

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Day 113 – Enjoying Work

The following blog is a continuation of my previous writings, please read them for further context if you haven’t already :
Day 110 - Avoiding Work
Day 111 – Self interest can never be “right”
Day 112 - Avoiding work –Part 3 - Self Forgiveness

I realize I have put a value on enjoying what I do and thus have allowed myself to be directed by my preferences, thus not considering what is best for all but only existing within self interest as what makes me feel good to be doing, within this I realize that what I believe I enjoy is based on the mind as a value system, where I believe some things are more enjoyable than others, when I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am here in every breath, and whatever I do doesn't change that, thus, it doesn't matter what I am doing as long as I am here as/within breath, where the only preference should be to apply myself as what is best for all, as the preference of all, and not base what I do on my own self interest - I realize nothing will even change in my reality, as my inner and outer experience, if I keep allowing myself to exist within my self interest preferences, instead of standing up for all life and living as what is best for all life in every breath, within that doing whatever is necessary, starting with stopping myself form being directed by the mind and instead directing myself as life, as breath, as what is best for all life in equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place more value on enjoying myself than on what practically needs to be done regardless of my enjoinment within doing so, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some tasks are more enjoyable than others and thus exist within a self created limitation that restricts me from participating and taking responsibility within what I realize needs to be done if I have defined such a task as unenjoyably, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define some tasks as more enjoyable than others and through living out this definition I have created a situation where when I participate in specific tasks I believe I will not enjoy myself and then to prove myself right I, within my participation within/as the mind, actually believe I am not enjoying myself, not realizing that I am existing in a polarity created by the mind to keep me enslaved to the ideas/definitions and not allow myself to be free to simply do what needs to be done without attaching any energy to it and without expecting to get any energy out of it within self interest, simply doing within breath what needs to be done

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that within the expectation to enjoy myself within the tasks that I do I am actually self sabotaging myself, instead of supporting myself as life and breathing through everything that I do, and walking the physical one breath at a time, and not allowing myself to go into my mind in the thirst/expectation/addiction to energy, but allow myself to be here, within/as the physical, and support myself as the physical in walking the process of stopping my participation/addiction to/as the mind, and bringing myself back here, to myself, as the physical, as life, within/as breath

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to breathe as I work and thus to exist in my mind as back chat / judgment, thus separating myself from what I am doing, and not allowing myself to actually do anything fully because I have always allowed myself to be only partly here, and the other part of me, in separation of myself has always been in the mind as interpreting what I do within judgment / expectations / beliefs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my preferences and not allow myself to direct myself as life here as what is best for all in equality and oneness within the realization that all is one and thus equal, and any participation in my own self interest preferences is of separation within the belief that my preferences have more value than the preference of all life as bringing about a change in this world, a change that starts with changing myself, a change that honors all life, as I honor myself as life, and as life honor all as equal as life as myself - thus I realize that within self honesty, my highest preference is to honor all life and thus is the preference of all - within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as self interest and not consider all life and thus participating and being an active part in the problem of this world, instead of standing within/as equality and being a part of the solution to bring about a world that it's only preference is what is best for all life

I realize that I have been living within an idea that I must enjoy what I do, thus placing value as judgment on the task, and as a result allowing myself to be directed by personal preference instead of being self directed and living the principle of equality and oneness, as what is best for all - I realize personal preferences are a distraction from what actually matters, which isn't to satisfy my privet wants/needs/desires, but to satisfy all as one and equal in creating a world that supports all life equally - within this I realize that the task to do so may not be enjoyable, and I must let go of the desire/expectation to enjoy what I do in order to be able to be free to actually get the job done - within this I realize that enjoying myself is either an energetic experience and then is of the mind and is based on values/ideas/beliefs/memories or it can be a self expression as life, and then it would be aligned with equality and oneness as what is best for all life - thus if I see myself not enjoying myself I know I am trapped in self interest / back chat / the mind, and not allowing myself to be here in breath and practically do what needs to be done, step by step by step, to bring about a change, firstly in myself, and then in the world as myself

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that living by preference is limiting, and that it would be much more beneficial and self supportive to be able to work from a clear starting point as a self directive decision to do the task or take the responsibility and not be influenced by the desire to get energy out of it as an experience of enjoyment, but to be clear, here and stable and simply work / do / live / breathe - and thus to not define myself by/as the work I do but rather who I am within it, and in doing so allow myself to be here, as self expression, through breathing, in any activity/task I do

I commit myself to myself as life, I commit myself to breathing within everything I do,I commit myself to slow myself down so that I can walk within/as breath, I commit myself to stopping the back chat of judgment towards activities I believe to be not enjoyable and instead breathe and apply myself within the physical reality, I commit myself to, when I am not enjoying myself, to stop and breathe, to see that I am participating in the mind as judging what it is that I'm doing, and to stop myself within breath, to bring myself back here, and to start over within a fresh starting point of simply doing what needs to be done unconditionally without expecting any energy of enjoinment in return

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Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out Links:
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Desteni Forum
Desteni I Process
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Journey to Life Group
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Day 111 – Self interest can never be “right”

The following blog is a continuation of my previous one, please read it for further context if you haven’t already : Day 110 - Avoiding Work

It's just amazing how it is that once you open up a point within yourself, it starts existing in your life more prominently, to give you an opportunity to investigate it thoroughly and transcend it. So, I've had a chance to see up close, in a live situation, my manipulative and deceptive nature in regards to the personality of avoiding work.

 

Another cool point to see, is that it's not enough to just see what I am participating in, to transcend a point, one must write it out and apply self forgiveness, and then live the correction - change won't simply happen on it's own, change needs to be lived as self - yesterday I wrote out the point without applying self forgiveness, and today the same point was possessing me in my mind as back chat, inner conversations, and energetic reactions, thus, in this blog I will open up the point I've realized to be clear about it and then in the coming blogs I will open all the relevant points within self forgiveness to make sure I free myself from their enslavement and can apply myself practically as what is best for all life.

 

So, here is what happened: we had to make some changes in the work schedule, so some one suggested one option and I suggested another, we ended up arguing as I was trying to explain my point of view of why I think my opinion reflects the better choice. Within the conversation my self interest was exposed, I wanted to find a way to perhaps, if it could work out, to work a half hour less (this is what allowed me to see that I have been defining work as something that needs to be avoided as I've written in my previous blog) - they had caught onto me and basically invalidated my opinion, which makes sense, because we want to find a solution that is best for all, a solution that takes all points into consideration, and not just go by preference of the individual which in this case was clearly a manipulating to maybe, perhaps, possibly work a little less - within my argument I didn't consider the task at hand, nor the other people, I was only looking at it from a starting point of self interest.

 

An interesting point I saw within this experience, is that before I had caught onto myself, before I saw that the basis of my argument is self interest - my back chat, during the argument, as I was standing up and arguing for my opinion and explaining it, was of judgment towards them within the context that "they" are speaking from a starting point of self interest and are trying to manipulate me… lol… such a self deceptive mind… this clearly shows how any judgment towards another is a projection of what self in actually participating within, and judging self for it - it's never about the other being, any and all reactions/back chat/judgment within self is always self showing self back to self - this is why one must always investigate any and all reactions that come up within self and not trust/believe the mind - because it's a manipulative and deceptive son of a bitch.

 

We ended up deciding on a schedule, which was not what I wanted, but I accepted it, because I could see that my argument is self interest and not valid, though I felt frustrated, because I thought I, as my opinion, was right, but at that point I felt like I didn't care anymore, because the whole discussion/argument about our opinions was more draining than having to do the actual work, so I accepted it and let it go - or did I?...

 

Obviously, that wasn't the end of it, today as we were working and had applied the decision we came to the previous night, I realized that I was "right", I realized that my opinion from the previous night really did make more sense - so for a moment I felt the "I'm right" high within back chat and reliving the whole argument, and getting all energized about losing the conversation while being right... But believing I was right and the energy within it, didn't last for long, because it wasn't true in fact, and then it hit me as I realized the point of "who you are within it" - what happened was that, within our conversation the night earlier, I came to a specific conclusion based on self interest argument - What I've realized is that the fact that I would have gotten to the same conclusion based on an argument that stands to support all as what is best for all, doesn't make me right, the contrary, it allows me to see how deceptive/self interest/manipulative I have been. In self honesty I know that during the argument/conversation, I could see the common sense and the reasoning that would be best for all , but I couldn't bring myself to use it within my argument because it was not aligned with my self interest of avoiding work, I couldn't use that argument because it would mean that next time I would have to stand by it, and I wasn't willing to do so within the hidden self interest desire to avoid work.

 

So, the feeling that I was right in this situation can be looked at within the analogy of making enough mistakes in a mathematical equation, and ending up with the correct answer - that doesn't make one right, because it's not only about the conclusion / final result, it's about the way, it's about how you got to it, you have to be able to walk through all the steps of the equation and have all steps be valid - and so within our situation for all steps to be valid they need to be clear of self interest and in all way reflect the solution that is best for all, one must look at what was the starting point through out the entire "thought process" that made one come to a specific conclusion/opinion, and make sure all points along the way were valid, as considering all within the equation and reflecting a solution based on reasoning that is best for all life - so it's really not about what I say as my opinion, it's about who am I within the starting point of what I am saying - if I would stand as best for all, and consider all in the equation, my argument would be valid, and it would come across better - part of the reason I wasn't clear was because I was trying to make my point within hiding the self interest because I realize it isn't a valid argument, so the entire communication was off…

 

Ok cool, tomorrow self forgiveness, stay tuned

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Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online

Also, Please check out Links:

Desteni

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Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process

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Journey to Life Group

Eqafe Life Products - Self Help

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to LIfe

Earth's Journey to Life