Showing posts with label definitin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label definitin. Show all posts
Monday, October 15, 2012
continue from my previous blogs:
Day 59 - Redefining friendship
Day 60 - friendship - Part 2 - Care and Support
I like to think of myself as a good, caring and supportive friend, why? Because I want to feel good about myself and I want to maintain the friendship, Why? Why do I want friendships? What am I getting out of it?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the character of a caring and supportive friends, within that not actually caring and not actually giving support, but just acting the character as I have learnt from society as how a "good" friend should act
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am a caring friend when I experience myself caring for my friends, within that not considering that I have limited myself within the definition of the friendship construct and thus have trapped myself in the character of being a caring friend without actually having the free choice to care because I have already a defined myself as a caring friend, and thus did not actually care but only play a role
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect my friends to care for me and within the expectation to judge them according to the idea I have as what is the caring character, and thus if they do not match my expectation I use emotional manipulation on them to show them they have done me wrong, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit and restrict my friends into a specific expression that I have created as an idea in my mind, and within that allowing them to limit and restrict me according to their idea of the caring character, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing such limitations and restriction to exist in the name of friendship because I fear being alone and believe I will be nothing without friends, thus I allow myself to play the game of being a caring friend in order to maintain the friendship
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have been supporting my friends within the definition of what a supportive friend is, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support my friends in fact as who they are as life, but instead to have supported their character of the mind, within allowing them to maintain their character as to justify my own characters, and thus within our friendship instead of actually giving support to each other as life, we have been supporting each other's characters as the mind, as justifying and accepting all sorts of abusive shit to continue wither gossip, tantrum, emotional breakdown etc.… within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to actually support my friends as life within fear of conflict, because I know that the agreement we have as friends, that has been lived out throughout our friendship, as an agreement between characters, and thus to actually give living support would mean to stop supporting the character and instead exposing the deceptions as to allow the friend to face themselves within self honesty, within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to accept less than who my friends really are, as allowing them to maintain their characters, in the starting point of self interest as to not risk losing them as I have accepted myself as dependent on them as being my friends, and thus within fear of losing them I compromise themselves as life and not actually support them but maintain everything as we have always been, not allowing myself to change, and not allowing them to change
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am a good friends, but I haven’t allowed myself to see the reality of self interest hiding behind the act of the good friends character, as the fear of being alone within a self belief that I must have my friends to be/feel strong and accepted, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself within the self acceptance of self diminishment as I have allowed myself to exist within a friendship construct that compromise myself and them, just for the sake of staying together as friends, not realizing the abuse I have been allowing within this, as depriving myself and them the opportunity to self realize within self honesty
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to play out the character of being a caring and supportive friend instead of giving myself and them as myself the opportunity to change through actually supporting myself and them as myself within not accepting and allowing either of us to be anything less than who we actually are as life, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue with the friendship and the expression of care and support as we have agreed on years ago, and not allowed myself to actually care for them as life and actually support them as an actual friend, within this I realize that the construct of friend isn't really about care and support but in fact is about supporting each other as the character as the personality we have accepted as ourselves, and within that have agreed to use the friendship as a form of justification as a form of extra strength to stand within our character with someone by our side justifying to us everything that we are and have accepted as ourselves, instead of acting within actual compassion to who we are as life and supporting each other to stop this game of characters only designed to create friction and conflict within our worlds, only to generate more and more energy to deplete the physical to allow the mind to survive another day at the expense of ourselves as life as the physical
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to care for my friends because I know them but not care for the rest of humanity and existence as a whole because I am safe within my friendships and know I will be taken care of, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse the word care and not actually live it as the living word, as caring as the living word would be actually caring for life as all life as one and equal, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pretend I care as a social accepted construct, instead of actually facing myself as the self interest that I have allowed myself to exist as, within only caring about myself as my personalities and characters that I do not want to lose as I have defined them as myself, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a bond with some friends that we agree to care about each other in order to not trouble ourselves with the rest of the world because we are taken care of, we are not forsaken and alone, we have our friends, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse the word friend, and believe it to be a nice/good/kind word, not realizing that it is due to the construct of friendships and the support/security we believe we get from it, is the reason why we don't care for the rest of humanity and existence as a whole
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the actual evil that exist within/as the construct of friendship within the caring/supportive character, because I have not allowed myself to see that within the friendship construct lay the allowance of all the atrocities to continue in the world because they are not my friends and thus I don't need to care for them, let me just care for my friends and that all I can do, no, this is unacceptable, all are equal here on earth and equally deserve and are worthy of care and support and thus by giving such care and support only to the few that I have allowed as my friends is giving permission for the rest of them to not get the care and support they require to live a dignified and fulfilled life
Within this I commit myself to stop myself as the caring and supportive character, and to within breathing and applying self forgiveness, within stopping myself as separation of the mind, to learn a=how to actually care and how to actually support within not allowing anything less than who I am as life, and who my friends are as life and who anyone is as life, I realize we are all equal and one, and thus I commit myself to through walking a process of opening up all point of deception within myself, point where I participate deliberately within separation, to stop myself as such, and to start caring for all as one, and support all as life, and stop supporting myself and my "friends" as the characters we have allowed ourselves to be and become and to justify our characters through our acceptance and allowance within the circle of friends, but instead to start a new agreement, one that supports life
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Saturday, October 13, 2012
So here I am redefining the word friendship, the construct really, to clear it from all emotional/energetic attachments that I have placed on it, within a goal to be able to be equal to/with/as all, in other words, I don't want to have some people that are special to me and I see them as my friends and within this definition I treat them specially, act differently, have a different set of expectations of them, no, I want to walk with all as equals, and to do so I must let go of friendships and start simply communicating with beings, as equals
Gathering information
Self-allocation: how have I lived this world, how have I experience this word, how do I judge it, value it…
Friend is a word with a positive energy to it, I like friends, I want to have friends around me, I like people to think of me as a good friend.
What does it mean to be a good friend?
A good friend is there when you need them, they think of you, they care for you, they support you through hard times, they have similar interests/opinions/ideas, they do things for you thus you can ask them for help and expect them to comply, you do things together, entertain yourself together, spite/gossip about others together, they will have your back if someone is messing with you, there is an "us" within friends like a bond that is protected and defended, "us"/"them", there is loyalty between friends – your friend won't harm you, won't stab you in the back, won't talk about you behind your back, will protect your good name while trashing someone else's name with you. As a friend you are expected to only show support, even if you disagree you have to find a nice way to say it, to sum it up, friendship entails mutual support, laughing, having fun together, helping each other, doing things for each other, talking, doing things together, agreeing with each other, being nice to each other, but not to the rest, not to "them", it's an "us" sort of thing, a privet club.
There is a list of does and don'ts in friendships - thus there is limitation/restrictions, not actual self expression because you have to follow a set of rules or there will be consequences in form of conflict and emotional manipulation
So, what is friendship? A bond, connecting two or more people together based on a common interest, sharing a common goal/opinion/idea/belief, friendship is designed so that one will have company as more power, as back up, validation, conformation and agreement, I will trust myself more if my friends agree with me, and will doubt myself if the friends don't agree
Friendship has a debt system within it, I do something for you then you owe me and then I expect you to do something for me, then if you pay your debt you are a good friend
I see within the construct I have created as friend: it is someone that put's you first and shows you in all ways that you matter to them, thinks about when you are not around, looking out for your best interest, making sure you are ok - it is like an extension of self, all within a starting point of self interest, within friendship there is a mutual interest to look out for each others interest, and it is held as a debt, so there is a calculation, like you owe me I owe you sort of thing, and if you fuck up and don't watch my back I'll fuck up too and won’t watch your back in spitefulness
Dictionary definition:
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. ( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.
Sounding of the word, associations to the sounds:
Friend
Fry- association: frying, making a mark like on a cow's skin, showing we are friends (friendship bracelets)
End - friends till the end, committed to each other / obligated forever
Rend - sounds like Rand, the South African currency, money
Rent - another form of payment, what is the rent for friendship?
free end - free pass till the end, anything goes because we are friends, we'll watch each other's back and allow each other to do anything for free
Friendship
Free end ship - we are stuck together on the ship of friendship till the end
How can I redefine this word as a living expression of the word in the world without my personal value, without polarity, how does everybody live this word? How can I redefine this word without trapping everybody in a definition , when i have placed a value on the definition and now everybody has to live that value.
Redefining friend:
an acquaintance, that has some specific characteristics, that one enjoys/prefers to have in ones company/environment, through utilizing communication.
This was a very brief introduction to the point of friendship which has played a major roll through out my life
Much more to come...
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