Showing posts with label vocabulary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vocabulary. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Before I'm about to participate in some form of human interaction, or even when I'm just at the stage of thinking about doing something, the back chat comes up and "takes over me", I start hearing this voice in my head or seeing images as scenarios, telling me and showing me what can go wrong and how uncomfortable I will feel, and in most cases I believe the voices and images as the truth, as a representative of a rational reality and thus, I will change my plans accordingly, to suit the hallucinations in my head.
I realize that the voice and images are not an actual reflection of any rational reality but only of my fears and insecurities, and I realize that each time that I allow myself to follow them and change my self expression to accommodate to my fears I am giving them more power over me and am thus giving my power away, and so I grow weaker and weaker with every though / voice / image that I believe and follow.
I wanted to go rock climbing but have no one to go with, so the images were of me in that big room, climbing by myself, alone, this image connected to a feeling of rejection and of not belonging, like if I go alone it would be a test of whether I can make friends or not, like if I were to stay alone for the entire time that would mean that I have failed and if I end up knowing some new people I have succeeded - writing it out now, the funny this is that there are so many advantages of doing things alone, but because I have attached a negative emotional and association to it I avoid it.
I've had some times in my life where I allowed myself to do things alone and I found that I am much more with myself when I am not busy with others as entertainment, and so, even though I have proven to myself many times that doing things alone is awesome I still have allowed myself to exist in fear towards it, within an idea that it will reflect my poor ability and skills of interacting with people.
Another point here is that within participating in this fear of being rejected by people because I believe I do not know how to interact with them, and thus my being alone is proof of my failure and inadequacy - I cause myself to feel so uncomfortable, like I'm being tested, because I am testing myself, and then I don't allow myself to simply be in the moment in breath, but I try too hard, try to achieve something, to get a smile, or some form of recognition, to prove to myself that the people around me are noticing me as a positive being and not ignoring me as I don't exist or matter.
Here, this brings up the point of requiring some form of external feedback to recognize myself, as I have separated myself from myself to such an extent that I can only see my existence and hereness through the recognition of others.
Oh man…
I see this and I am appalled at how I have allowed myself to live and exist, how we as society have accepted and allowed this behavior as a total dependency and complete disregard of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the voices and the images in my head, and allow myself to follow them as the god of me without seeing and realizing that they are based only on fear and insecurity and not on common sense and the physical reality as what is really here
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect emotions to words and thus fear living them, as I have separated myself from words that I fear and within accepting this fear towards the words such as the word alone as an example, I have allowed myself to avoid these words as avoid living them as myself and thus allowing myself to be directed by the thoughts and fear of this word, instead of seeing the word for what it is and living it as allowing myself to express myself without fearing this word
Alone, rejection, friendly, belonging, left out
These are some of the words that come to me as I'm writing, as words that I have attached positive and negative energies to and thus desire to experience some and fear experiencing the others - all these words represents ideas I have created about myself and about relationships, and about morality and what is good and bad. But non of that is true, and non of that is actually decided by myself, it has all been programmed into me by myself through my acceptance through learning from my society, and thus, reliving the same construct - nothing new under the sun
I realize that when back chat and images come up within me as a reflection of some fear, I have a responsibility and an opportunity to stop myself and breathe, and to then investigate the words that I have attached the values and energies to, and to allow myself to clear myself form the energetic attachment I have placed on the words and to then allow myself to redefine them within the principle of equality as what is best for all.
I commit myself to when thoughts and back chat about fear of being alone come up within me, I stop and breathe, I look at the point as the natural self expression that I am limiting myself from, and I allow my self to within letting go the fear of the word alone, to consider all points available to me and make a clear decision within self honesty, as to what to participate with and what not. Thus, not to "do everything that I fear" blindly, but not allow myself to shy away from my own self expression due to fear
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the fear of people that I have is not actually a fear of people but a fear of myself as the experience of alone and rejection and the experience of me being tested, these are all done by me alone within and as my participation with my mind, and thus, I forgive myself for not seeing and realizing that I do not fear people, but I fear my own reactions to my surroundings, and I have just beem blaming people on my reactions to them instead of taking full responsibility and seeing that it is not them, but it is me that is doing it to myself.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Today I went to the back and left feeling like I was run over by a truck and then a train…
I had to open an account and enquire about building credit - the bankers spoke to me and I had to have them repeat everything over and over because I wasn't familiar with the vocabulary, and so I had to understand these things for the first time on all levels of understanding - what does that word mean, how do I connect the meaning of the words to what they said earlier, how does all that new information and new concepts connect with the entire picture of what I need to be done.
I was there for about two hours, when, at a certain point, I just had to leave because I couldn't hear any more, I couldn't absorb anymore, I was blocked - they spoke and spoke and then asked if it made sense, and the only reply I had was "I don't know what you are talking about" I was completely out of it.
So, I see here two points - the first is, since I've become more aware of the importance of vocabulary - this scenario is what children experience at school, where they are bombarded with new information and terminology and vocabulary, that no body really takes the time to make sure that it is completely and entirely understood and integrated, and then they are bombarded with the relationships of this new information, while, if the base foundation, as the vocabulary is not in place then the next step seems impossible to grasp, and reflecting from my experience today, children must go into so many reactions such as feeling stupid, ashamed, confused, misunderstood, some might joke around to relieve the stress and tension as a coping mechanism, others might become angry / mad and get into trouble, and all this is based on simply not having an effective educational structure, nor effective communication, nor effective assessments of where a child is actually at - it would be cool if teachers knew how to communicate with children in consideration to where they are at, at the moment, because if we overload them with information that they can't take in - are we actually supporting them?
This leads to the second point of my reacting towards being in such a situation of not knowing the information, and having to learn it for the first time, being at the stage of concrete learning, where it is an actual effort to understand because the terms and relationships are not clear - I experienced shame, because I judged myself for not knowing these things "I should know this by now", I see now that being 33 and having no banking knowledge whatsoever is a consequence of not taking self responsibility and living in some form of dream land where things just happen and work out without me having to put in any effort in making things happen… I have taken money for granted all my life, and within that I allowed myself to create a resistance towards going to the bank, a resistance I "inherited" directly from my mother - now I'm at a point where I have moved to another country and I can't ask my dad to go to the bank for me, and I must start understanding all the details of my account and make informed decisions, I am now eating the fruits of my upbringing as my parents did everything to protect me from the outside world and unintentionally have help me become a weak and independent person.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react at the bank within an experience of information overload
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into the experience of shame when I saw how little I know within the vocabulary and construct of the banking system
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience overwhelmingness at the bank and thus to shut myself off and not be able to hear anything, instead of remaining here in breath and continue listening and taking notes without allowing myself to go into a mind shut down
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand that this vocabulary and information is new to me and thus will take some effort to understand fully, and instead I went into self judgment within an idea that I should have already known these things by now
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that allowing myself to become overwhelmed is now blocking me from hearing the new information that I am judging myself for not knowing, and thus, not supporting myself to improve the situation but instead maintaining the problem - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the mind as I go into overwhelmingness and thus am not able to be here and walk the practical physical steps of learning the new points / vocabulary of banking
I realize that when learning something new takes time and effort, and thus, when and as I am learning / faced with something new and see myself go into overwhelmingness I stop myself and breathe, I remind myself that I am here, and that everything learnt is learnt one step at a time, I realize that only by pushing through the reaction of overwhelmingness will I emerge from the other side of the learning scale with a new understanding and vocabulary
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the self belief that I don't understand banking, and thus to expect from myself to become overwhelmed and so I prepare myself to not understand by accepting myself as the self belief as someone that doesn't understand banks, instead of letting go this idea of myself and allowing myself to approach it in a way that would best serve me and my understanding of the point
I realize that believing about myself that "I am not good with banks" is not supporting myself because it actually creates he problem as accepted limitation that I then live out, and so, when and as I see myself participating in the back chat of "I am not good with banks / these things" I stop myself and breathe, I realize that I have a choice whether to continue justifying my ignorance and maintaining it, or I can stop it and make a decision to learn and become aware and expand within this point that I have felt inadequate with, and to prove myself wrong, instead of always sabotaging myself to prove me as the mind, right.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
Day 182 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self forgiveness
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I realize that dedication is a behavioral pattern that can be learn with practice, and within this, I realize that believing it is a skill that I lack is an excuse / justification as to not apply myself and push myself into becoming the living expression of / as dedication, as making decisions and walking them into practicality physically, I realize that becoming dedicated, as breaking the pattern and self belief of not being dedicated will require work and effort and basically will be uncomfortable as change is uncomfortable, and so, when and as I experience uncomfortablility due to the resistance of me not wanting to change, I stop myself and breathe, I realize that changing myself from believing I am incapable of dedication, into living dedication as self expression will take time and effort and won’t be easy, but only through walking this process will I be able to prove to myself that I am directive myself as I am able to make a decision and trust that I will walk it into action – thus allowing myself to be dedicated, being free to be dedicated – and so, I commit myself to slowly but surly become more and more stable within my application until I am standing as dedication as the living expression of / as myself - as trusting myself at all times that I will live into actions all decisions I make, within considering what is best for all in common sense and practicality.
I realize dedication as a living word is not an energetic experience but is a physical application of making a clear and directive decision and walking into physical practicality – thus, I realize that any energy I have connected to “dedication” is of the mind and does not stand as life, and so, I commit myself to let go within breath any idea of energy I am still holding onto in relation to dedication, and within this to let go the accepted experience of self judgment within believing I am not good enough due to believing I am not dedicated, while placing a positive value on that word and thus justifying my self disappointment – all energy – and thus not valid as life and not in support of life as the simplistically of the physical. And so, I commit myself to red flag all energetic experience I experience in relation to dedication, and if and when such energy comes up to stop myself and breathe, and breathe until I am stable, within realizing that this energy is separating myself form myself as life as it is blinding me form the physical reality that is happening under my nose and is shifting me to the illusion world of the mind.
When and as I see myself facing a word / idea / definition within believing that I cannot live it, I realize this is a belief construct where I have separated myself form the word within defining the word deliberately in a way that cannot be lived, and thus setting myself up for a fall, within this, I commit myself, when I see myself facing a word that I believe / experience myself that I cannot live, I stop myself in the moment and breathe, I bring the word here and redefine it as a livable word, as a living word, and within this I commit myself to explore myself as the word and break through the barrier of fear and limitation I have accepted as myself, and instead push myself to expand to grow and not accept anything less than myself as who I am as life, as one and equal to all that is here in existence. And so, practically I commit myself to investigate any word I see myself separated from, as within believing I cannot live that word, and within investigating allowing myself to remove all energetic values I have attached to the word, and redefine it as a livable word that exist simplistically and physically, and so I walk it as myself.
I realize that my self belief as self limitation is based on a memory that I have and am holding onto within an energetic experience, as I have defined myself according to a specific memory and within that have limited myself as I have allowed myself to exist in the past instead of here as the physical, thus, when and as I see myself going into and limiting myself by self belief I commit myself to investigate and forgive myself for any memory that I find that is attached related to the creation of this self belief – as I’ve realized that I have created this self belief over time, as accumulation of memories, and thus I commit myself to find the memories as building blocks within myself and forgive myself for them, one by one, to let them go and free myself to let go the self belief created by them.
When and as I see myself participating in self belief within defining myself as less than / inferior / not able / not capable to do something, I stop myself and breathe, I realize that by participating in such a belief I am sabotaging myself and abusing myself as I am diminishing and belittling myself – and such behavior is not acceptable and I will not allow myself to treat myself in such an abusive and diminishing way – and thus I commit myself, when seeing myself go into and participate within a self belief to stand up from within it, and stop my participation in that very moment, to forgive myself for even starting to participate and remain in breath in stability as self support, as self care, as self nurture, as self embracement, and thus, transform myself from self sabotage and abuse to self care and love, from belittling myself to empowering myself. Within realizing that the self belief is created and enhanced by thoughts, I commit myself to, in the moment the self belief comes up within the back chat and thoughts, to stop myself and do not allow myself to participate in the back chat, as I realize it is a slippery slope, and so I stand strong, here in the physical focused on my breathing and do not entertain the back chat thoughts as the building blocks of the self belief.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
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Friday, March 29, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that I am not dedicated
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that dedication is a skill that I lack, instead of realizing that it is a behavioural pattern that can be practiced and learned, and thus, within accepting the belief that I am not dedicated I have given myself an excuse to take the easy way out instead of facing myself as who I am and from where I am to push myself to change and learn and become that which I find would be best for me to be, as I’ve seen that the ability of dedication is supportive and empowering and thus rather than giving myself excuses for not being that, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to do all in my ability to equalize myself to the living word as dedication
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define dedication as an energetic experience, instead of realizing the physical practicality of dedication as the living word as I have redefined for myself in the previous blog
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the simplistically of dedication as the living word, as a word that can be lived, and instead I have made it more than it is, in my mind, thus making it special and divine and thus separating myself form it – within this, I realize that any word / character / behavior I see as more than me, as a point that I am not able to achieve, I must investigate the word and look for the energetic value I have given it – within this, to investigate myself and look for the specific memory that I accepted as a defining point of myself to have accepted this point of limitation and inferiority as who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to many memories, indicating that I am not dedicated, thus allowing myself to exist in the past and limit myself due to my past experiences instead of learning from the past, as investigating to find out why was I not dedicated in those situations and from learning myself as my behaviors / patterns to commit myself to change within aligning myself to dedications the living word, within the principle of equality and oneness – within realizing that I can only live that which I am equal to – and thus, I must define dedication in such a way that it can be lived, otherwise I am trapping myself in an endless chase after the unachieved, as living a word that cannot be lived
And so, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately define words, as dedication, in such a way that cannot be lived and thus set myself up for a fall, a failure, instead of supporting myself in seeing that which I am doing and stopping myself, within realizing that such behavior to inflict upon myself an endless chase is abusive and self sabotaging in nature, is unacceptable.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the physical and practical simplistically of the word dedication, as a word that indicates one, within walking in a specific direction, has made a decision in awareness as within researching and investigating and accepting the entire point at hand, and once making the decision within taking into consideration the practical and physical application that must be done in order to walk the decision, within taking into consideration the consequential outflow of walking the decision, within walking into the decision with one’s eyes wide open – one then walk the decision into completion, as a living expression of the direction and the decision, as one and equal, in consistency, until the point is complete.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that at times where I have defined myself and judged myself for not being dedicated, I was not aware of the above definition, and thus could not assess and evaluate why am I not applying myself or living the decision I have made – I forgive myself for never asking myself if I in fact made a directive / aware decision, or did I just follow the spur of the moment, I forgive myself for never asking myself if I made the decision within accepting the direction as the principle it stands as, I forgive myself for never asking myself questions as to try and understand myself, but instead went into judgment, and accumulated one more memory in the pile of self doubt / diminishment / belittling.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect dedication to success within a time frame, not seeing and realizing that a time frame in not a part of dedication within it’s definition, and thus I realize that I have confused myself as to believe that I am not dedicated because I didn’t make a time schedule, and thus, instead of seeing the problem for what it is, as poor time management, or poor prioritizing, I have generalized the point and have defined myself as not being dedicated, not seeing that by doing so I am diminishing myself through living out the belief, instead of actually seeing the point and correcting the actual problem.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that dedication will solve everything, and thus, when I have not managed to finish a project in time I believed it was due to not being dedicated enough, as if I were more dedicated I would have done anything, though, within this, I didn’t allow myself to investigate other aspects within my application and thus, not allowing myself to be specific as to see how exactly did I sabotage the project, in order to be able to correct myself within the relevant point
I see and realize how self beliefs are limiting and self sabotaging as once I believe myself to be something I start behaving as that and actually create myself as the belief rather than the belief actually defining who I am, within this I realize that by falling to self belief I prevent myself from unconditionally investigating myself within the point as to find the actual source point that needs be corrected in order to align myself in becoming the best that I can be in all and every aspect.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Thursday, March 28, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
Within walking the point of resistance towards my application, I have come across some self beliefs that need to be investigated - so i will share these self believes as i walk them, as i open the points up for myself, to remove the restriction / limitation i have allowed through accepting these self beliefs as the truth of me, not seeing, realizing or understanding that that they are an accumulation of hidden assumptions resulting in a huge tower – though, this tower is made of cards, it has no actual stability in the physical, it is an illusion – so, here i will be walking the process to face the illusion within my own self created self beliefs, and changing myself to stand up for myself, to stand as life.
here i am working with the first self belief - "I'm not dedicated" -
Gathering info
Dictionary definition
1. To commit / devote (oneself) to a particular course of thought or action
2. Wholly committed to a particular course of thought or action; devoted
3. A personal, handwritten inscription in or on a work, as by an author to a friend.
4. Designed for a particular use or function
Self allocation point
I see someone who is dedicated as a person that completely throws themselves into a project, they lose themselves within it – someone that is dedicated to something will experience themselves whole, as they have found their purpose and they now dedicate themselves, as the give themselves to the project as their lives, their time, their energy – they are dedicated / committed / devoted to completing the task / project – they do what it takes, they “walk through walls”, failure is not an option – they have an inner drive that moves them, like an energy generator, they are fueled up, like an excitement, an enjoyment.
When I look at dedication I see it as an energetic experience where one is completely consumed by this one thing that they are proud to be a part of, they see themselves in unity with this one thing, they are it in a way.
I have never experienced this, I have never experienced myself “being dedicated” to anything within this definition, I’ve never been dedicated to, no one has ever dedicated anything to me, I see that as a declaration of someone’s value, and so no one has declared that I am valuable to them.
When one gives value to something / someone, they will change their priorities and now focus on this one point and direct themselves to serve this one point because it’s valuable – like one will experience one’s own self value through dedicating oneself to this point of value in separation of self – so energetically, one will experience themselves as valuable because one will defined themselves according to being dedicated to this point of value.
Sounding the word dedicate / dedication
Dead I see ate
Dare dic ate
Deddy cate
D ed I cate – the education I cater for – dedication based on knowledge
D ed I cee it
Did it Cate – did it as the category needed
Did I Cate
Dead vacation
Dead IC ate – dead inside so I eat
Did I action – I did action
Did I creation – I did creation
Dead
I
See
Ate
Dare
Dic – prick
Ed – education
D – the
Did it
Cate – Category
Cate – catering, to cater, to serve
Vacation
Action
Dead – I am not dedicated
Creative writing
1. D ed I cate – the education I cater for – dedication based on knowledge
Dedication from a starting point of knowledge, as an idea of what is valuable, where one dedicate oneself to stand as this point of knowledge, like a political / philosophical / social perspective, catering to this one group / organization, while separating self from the rest, and thus, dedicating oneself to one’s own opinion, as accepted knowledge one was educated and programed to accept.
An example – dedicating oneself to the “war on drugs” where one believe their cause and all the knowledge they have accumulated on the topic, they now are dedicated to the point, they define themselves by it, and cannot afford to lose the point – so they lose the common sense of looking at the greater picture and actually finding solutions because they are so invested in this specific point – and if another will present them with contradicting information they will react in resentment and will reject the new data without listening, because they are dedicated to the information they have.
2. Dead vacation – here I see my relationship to the word dedication as “dead vacation” being dedicated is killing off the fun in life, where I believe dedication implies never again going on vacation, because if one is totally dedicated then there will never be a time that one can take a break and relax, as one had given up one’s life in dedication of this cause / project / organization – so here I see dedication as a sacrificing of all that is enjoyable, where I have created a polarity where one the one side there is fun / vacation / living and on the other side there is dedication / responsibility / self-sacrifices
3. Dead I see ate - Here is another reference to death, where I see death in dedication, as a choice to kill oneself in the name of a purpose / goal that one dedicates oneself to. Where I see dedication as the ultimate self-sacrifice, where one is consumed by that which they are dedicated to, they are eaten up by it
4. Dead IC ate – dead inside so I eat – this is interesting because I use food as emotional compensation, and so within the fear of dedicating myself as the fear of losing myself I have created a defense mechanism, where instead of dedicating myself to the point, in self sacrifice, where eating is a point of compensation to the self sacrifice of dedication
What I’m noticing is that initially I judged myself for not being dedicated and now all that I’m writing is as if dedication is “bad” and so I realize I am still within a polarity and only representing the “bad” side of dedication – so let me explore the sides of it that where the points I desired within it, judged myself for not being and wanted to become, as to allow myself to see a full clear picture:
5. Did it Cate – I am doing it in the category that I chose – i did, I completed the category, where category implies order, and so, one has accomplished / completed a project / task within the desired category, thus implies directiveness, discipline and specificity – dedication thus implies applying oneself into accomplishing / completing a task / project within the specific category decided upon it.
6. Did I Cate – did I cater, did I serve the point / project – when one finds a project / organization that one values and wants to serve and support, one dedicate oneself to the project and cater for it, does things in service of this project / organization
7. Did I action – I did action – here dedication implies the doing of an action, thus, not leaving it as an abstract idea but actually coming down to earth in the physical and taking action towards this goal one dedicates oneself towards. Thus, dedication is not just a statement but a doing, an action
8. Did I creation – I did creation – here a similar implication, though noting that within dedication, as within any doing, there is a creation process, where on bring oneself in dedication, and place ideas / goals into actions and so creates within this process as the outcome / outflow of ones actions. Here dedication implies the act of creation, but from a practical physical, not energetic, starting point, as a simple common sense understanding that when one dedicate oneself to a point there is an outflow, as there is to any decision, and thus a creation, though, here one must then consider what one will dedicate oneself to, as that will determine the outflow as the creation, within the principle of equality – as within so without – where if one dedicate oneself to a point / project / organization that supports all life equally the creation of ones actions will be equal to ones starting point, whereas if one dedicates oneself within a starting point of self interest without considering the principle of equality and oneness the outflow as the creation will be equal to the starting point.
Rewrite definition
So, how will I define dedication to no longer hold any energetic charge to it, and yet still imply its original definition, within adding to it my new and revised / corrected relationship / perception of the word?
I shall start with what it is not – it is not a self sacrifice, not a point of knowledge as an opinion, not the end of all that is fun / enjoyable in life, not a death of any kind, not a giving up on oneself, not a losing oneself, not being eaten alive, and when all these energetic charges are removed will not cause emotional compensation eating.
Dedication is an action, it is a creation, there is a responsibility within it as to what one will dedicate oneself to will determine the creational outflow of ones actions, there is order within it, as one is not randomly dedicated, but rather one has made a clear and self directive decision as to what and why one will dedicate oneself to, and when decided upon one will act in alignment to the decision made, within the relevant / chosen category of action.
Within the principle of equality, one dedicates oneself to a point one is equal to and has made a decision to live as, and so, one is not dedicating oneself to an external goal / purpose but rather dedicating oneself to self in equality to the point one is walking as an expression of self, as self has made the decision to stand as this point in equality.
Thus, dedication is an active and deliberate doing, done within full awareness and understanding of the outflow of ones actions, and thus, if done in self honesty - one’s dedication will always be aligned with that which is best for all life in equality and oneness and so ones creation, as the outflow of ones actions, will be aligned with what is best for all as support for all life.
Within dedication one will have an eagle’s view of the situation where one sees all points to make a clear decision within self honesty – as one considers the actual physical actions one needs to take, considers the outflow of ones actions, whether they are in support of life or not, and then one dedicate oneself to walk all the points into completion, as a service to one’s decision / goal, which is a service to life.
Dedication, in self honesty, is coming to the conclusion that the point is in support of life, and one stands as the point in equality to / as the point, and one realizes that one’s actions will result in an outflow that is aligned with the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all, and then, one make the decision to walk this point into completion, within considering what are the physical steps that need to be walked, and then one walks the point in clarity and specificity.
To sum it up
I identified that I have many beliefs about myself, beliefs that I have allowed to limit me, to sabotage my freedom of expression and exploration of myself.
In the example of the self belief of “I am not dedicated” I have realized that my beliefs stemmed from how I had defined this word “dedication” within my vocabulary. I defined “dedication” as more than it is, relating it to an energetic experience, giving it an energetic value, both positive and negative, where the positive aspects of dedication I have separated from myself in an accepted inferiority and experience of inadequacy, and the negative aspects were placed as justifications as to why I am not that, instead of seeing that I am separating myself from the “positive” aspects through separating further from myself with a “negative” reason as justification, within the idea / belief that if I were to dedicate myself I will have to scarifies myself – I realize now that I have been pushing myself away, and thus, separating myself from dedication, both from the positive and the negative, thus existing in separation of the word, which made it impossible for me to be able to live this word as an expression of myself, as the living word.
Now that I have redefined this word I see that dedication is not self sacrifice as within an energetic experience of losing myself and giving myself up for the grater cause in self righteousness, as well, it is not a superior experience as being fulfilled by a sense of dedication – what it practically physically is, is a decision, made within a specific direction, and walked practically into action until complete – this procedure of being dedicated to a point does not involve energy, not positive and not negative.
dedication = direction + decision + action
when i say: "I am dedicated to a point" – this would imply that I have seen a point, I have investigated it as to see, realize and understand what it involves practically, I have made a decision to walk this point as myself, as I am aligned with the principle / expression of the point, and so I walk it consistently into completion
The self belief as self judgment as the experience of not being dedicated will then be a red flag to check the process of dedication as mentioned above, as one of the stages of the procedure must have been not clear, and thus i ask myself did I make a clear decision, did I investigate the point or did i walk into it blind folded, can I self honestly say that I am aligned with the point?
When and as I see that I am not dedicated to a point, and self judgment comes up, i stop myself and breathe, i realize that what i am showing myself is that for some reason i am not practically walking this point in consistently into completion, as the practical walking of the point is the external expression of dedication, thus, showing myself the symptom to a problem, thus, i commit myself to then investigate what is actually going in – there is no point to judge myself, because obviously something is simply not aligned, and so, let me align it and decide in self honesty, in full awareness what will be my next stem, decide, and then walk it in self trust.
When and as I see that I am not dedicated to a point, and self judgment comes up, i stop myself and breathe, i realize that there is "nothing to it" as, in the moment i notice i am not dedicated, as not walking the point practically within the directive decision i made - i can stop, realign myself, rededicate myself and walk in that very moment, no fuss to it.
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