Showing posts with label slave. Show all posts
Showing posts with label slave. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
Day 86 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 7 - Self Forgiveness
Day 87 - Fear Dimension - Inferiority - Part 8
Day 88 - Fear dimension - Part 9 - self commitment
Day 89 - Fear dimension - Authority - Part 10
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and being directed by the fear of authority, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as the fear of authority through holding on to a past memory (as mentioned in the previous blog) and using it within interpretation to define myself as someone that fears authority, from here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prove my self-definition to be right, through participating with this character of fear I have created as myself, and thus participate with fear of authority within believing the fear to be real
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being yelled at or being punished by an authority, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in a position where someone has authority over me and accepting them as an authority, I fear them having power over me and thus can tell me what to do or punish me, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that it's not the actuality/physicality of being yelled at of being told what to do that I fear, but rather the energetic experience that I connect to it, not realizing that this energetic experience is my own mind made creation and thus my responsibility to stop, regardless of if I am being yelled at / punished / told what to do, because I realize that this fear isn't about an actual physical abuse but rather within a power game as feeling inferior as a slave, as submitted to the authority of the master, thus I realize that as long as I participate with and accept the construct of authority, I am responsible for experiencing myself as less than, and thus, the only thing that must change within this is me and within that what I accept and allow, thus I commit myself to stop participation within/as the construct of authority, when and as I see myself accepting someone as having authority over me, I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here, within facing the fear and realizing the lie of it, thus I breathe and communicate/participate within the situation within stability, pushing through the fear until I have proven to myself that I am the self directive principle and not the fear
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question authority, but to take it for granted as part of the system, as accepting the fact/situation where some people have power over others and within their authority can harm/abuse/suppress/punish as they see fit within the acceptance of society/system, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as the construct of authority as I have given my power away to authority as I have allowed them to have power over me within my experience of/as myself, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand within/as equality, within realizing all are equal regardless of what role we play in society, and within this I have allowed myself to experience inferiority and as a result fear when confronted with an authority, merely because they were seen and accepted by me as an authority
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of standing up to my teacher with tears in my eyes, within an energetic experience, as I interpret the memory within self diminishment as a point of weakness and thus have created a self definition for/as myself based on this memory of being weak in the face of authority, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see within this remembrance of the situation that there was also a point of standing up, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the memory within self interest of/as the mind, as manipulating the information into creating another layer/dimension of fear within me as a mind tactic to keep me enslaved. I have come to realize that any point of self diminishment as self belief as limitation/inferiority/fear is a mind created character keeping me from realizing myself as life, within the fight for survival of my ego as the characters I have spent my entire life to create and uphold, thus now, within realizing that all the personalities and characters I have believed to have defined me, have been and are all lie, I commit myself to stop myself from participating within/as them, and within this I commit myself to investigate all points/dimensions of fear that still exist within me, and to one by one, walk through them, through seeing the points of acceptance within writing, self forgiveness and through corrective statement to prepare myself for correction in physical application
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the authority construct within and as myself and within the world system, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the construct is real and valid and thus participate within it as allowing myself to respect/fear authority and on the other hand to accept myself as authority on others, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in power games, as proving to myself my self-value through competition, instead of letting go the authority construct and thus letting go the competition and simply allowing myself to be here as equals within self support and the support of others as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the pattern of fear of authority, and within that to, instead of allowing myself to express myself freely with all equally, to fear expressing myself in front of authority, and thus to accumulate reaction/back chat up to the point of compounded anger where I "explode" with emotions and lose control, and thus experience myself as weak in the eyes of the authority, not realizing that I have created this point of weakness through not standing within/as breath and expressing myself as equals, thus I see that within accepting authority I already accept myself as inferior and thus exist in fear and manifest the situation from the starting point of fear
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as weak for not holding back the tears within the memory, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to due to my acceptance of the memory as valid I have believed I am weak in face of authority and thus have allowed myself to be directed by this fear and stop myself from approaching/talking to people I consider are an authority, thus not seeing them as equal within seeing myself as inferior to them, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the desire I have to feel powerful in front of authority is still within the limitation of the definition and acceptance of authority, and thus still within the polarity, the power game, and thus the energy. I commit myself to when I see myself defining someone as an authority I stop myself within breath, I realize that they are a human being, that eats and shits like me, and thus is equal me in all ways, I realize that as long as I am holding back and not expressing myself I am accepting their authority and thus creating myself as weak/inferior, I commit myself to approach / speak / ask the one I perceive to be an authority as I support myself within breath, to push through this self created fear and allow myself to express myself without limitation, within common sense, within realizing that in the system, as long as others accept the authority, as police for instance, I must play the game, but the point being to stop participation within the energy that I have attached to it, within realizing it's an act we are playing until we change the system into a system that supports equality, and end the era of authority/suppression/intimidation within the power games accepted within the construct of authority
I commit myself to show that the construct of authority is abusive by nature as it allow some to have power and control over others, within society at large and the family construct at small, I commit myself to show that effective communication within self honesty doesn't require authority to keep order, and that through educating ourselves of the actual reality we exist as within understanding the responsibilities of taking care of this earth/nature to create a world that is enjoyable for all and not just for the 1%, we don't have to have authority because we can each be an authority onto ourselves within self honesty as we realize what needs to be done, we take self responsibility and all as equals, work together to clean up the mess that we created, and together create heaven on hearth where all are equal and communicate within a starting point of support and not of power and control
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Saturday, October 27, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog
Day 69 - Friendship - Part 11 – Spitefulness – Part 1
Day 70 - Spitefulness - Part 2 - Self Forgiveness
Day 71 - Spitefulness - Part 3 - Self Commitments
Day 72 – Spitefulness – Part 4 – More Characters – Self Forgiveness
Blame – Annoyance – Superiority – Inferiority - Worthlessness
I commit myself to investigate any/all spiteful thoughts I have allowed myself to participate within, and within that to investigate all points where I still fall in the pattern/addiction of spitefulness, and within that to find the actual source as driving force that I have allowed myself to be directed by, and stop myself from allowing myself to continue being directed like a puppet on strings, I commit myself to utilize breath as self support and within this to always direct myself back to the physical as what is actually here as life, and not allow myself to be distracted/tempted by the realm of the mind, as I know it's a one way road to hell in the sense of - through allowing myself to separate myself from myself as life, through allowing myself to participate within/as the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions, through not being directive principle in every moment, I have allowed myself to be nasty/spiteful/evil and thus due to actually knowing and being aware of all that I am beneath my mask and act of ignorance there builds up shame/guilt/regret for not stopping - thus within not stopping, I realize I will create my own personal hell of shame/guilt/regret, because beneath this lie, I know I am life, I know my thoughts are running around within the self interest and disregarding myself as life and all as life as equals - thus I commit myself to stop
I commit myself to show that all thoughts are evil in nature, and all thoughts are motivated by self interest, and that within allowing ourselves to participate in thoughts, within allowing ourselves to participate in the spiteful back chat of our hidden mind, we are actually creating this world as evil/abusive/spiteful, and thus we are each responsible to stop ourselves within/as our participation of/within the mind, to be able to walk the first step in bringing about a world that supports life, as well as walking the first step of birthing ourselves as beings that are worthy of life
I commit myself to investigate within myself all points of blame, because I realized that all blame is me hiding from me as not taking self responsibility for that which I am in fact responsible for, I commit myself to stopping myself within breath when I see myself going into blame and to breathe as long as it takes to stop the blame possession from taking over, I coming myself to not allow myself to go into spitefulness based in blame because I realize this is deceptive act getting me to lose track of what really matters which is my responsibility, by placing it on someone else and using that as justification to poison myself and existence as a whole with my spiteful thoughts/words/deeds, thus bringing myself to a point of evil, of acting out the very thing I blame another for, I commit myself to build myself as self integrity through stopping myself from participating in that which I blame others for, which is that which is unacceptable as it is based in abuse/evil/spitefulness
I commit myself to show that any form of blame is done within spitefulness, within placing self's responsibility on another and thus spiting self through deliberately abdicating self responsibility and hiding from self within separation through participation within the mind as thoughts such as blame, within this I commit myself to show that participating with blame is directly accepting abuse to exist within participating in the spiteful thoughts towards another within realizing that spiteful actions come from and are a direct result of spiteful thoughts and thus to ensure spitefulness/abuse stop we must stop all thoughts
I commit myself to use annoyance as a gift, as a tool for self realization and thus self support, to through annoyance see who I am allowing myself to be and what I have allowed to have directive principle over me in becoming annoyed by external trigger, and thus within realizing the points of trigger to see what I am actually showing myself within myself, and thus I commit myself to investigate all points of annoyance and atop myself within/as breath when I see myself going into annoyance as to not allow the experience of annoyance to direct me, and thus to become the directive principle of/as myself, directing myself within the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all
I commit myself to humble myself within/as breath, when I see myself going into superiority, within realizing that superiority is a survival mechanism I have accepted as myself to cover up the experience of inferiority I have allowed myself to exist as, and thus I commit myself to use points of superiority to show myself back to myself, to allow myself to see the point I believe I am better than another and within that the point I fear being less than another and to within seeing these points to forgive myself for accepting myself to exist within the specific polarity of more/less within forgiving the value system I am basing this polarity on, within realizing that any polarity is of the mind, within this I commit myself to investigate the value systems I have allowed myself to participate within and accept as valid due to realizing that all values that are enforced by society are in fact based on self interest and the deception within living as an accepted norm within competition and lacking any self honesty as self expression, and further more lacking the principle of life as equality and oneness
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself going into inferiority towards another and to investigate the point within writing myself to freedom through self forgiveness as to free myself from the perceived inferiority as I have realized it is limiting me and diminishing me and has no value within my process except keeping me enslaved to/as the mind within limitation, within this I commit myself to if/when I see myself going into spitefulness towards the being I am experiencing myself inferior to, to stop myself at the moment, to not allow myself to participate within spiteful thoughts/words/actions because I know this is self deception and creating conflict and abuse and in any way doesn't support myself nor the other as life within our process of life, I commit myself to investigate points of inferiority and to bring myself to a point of equality within myself and existence as a whole
I commit myself to stop participating within/as worthlessness, returning to the physical within/as breath, within realizing that the experience of being worthless is a back door of taking self responsibility within believing myself to be a victim of life, thus not allowing myself to direct myself as life, one and equal to/as life, thus I commit myself to show that any experience of self worthlessness is self manipulation keeping self trapped within/as the mind, a trap created by self and thus can be ended by self, within realizing that I am responsible for/as myself and thus I have the opportunity in every breath to live a life a worth through establishing myself as a being that support myself, that supports all other beings in my immediate environment, that support all life as equals - that is a life worth living, a life that holds no regret within the self trust that self is doing all within the principle of supporting life, and walking life breath by breath, and thus I commit myself to walk breath by breath, and to direct myself to support myself within self honesty, within stopping the mind/thoughts/spitefulness and returning to myself as the physical, as reality, as life
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Sunday, October 21, 2012
continue from my previous blogs:
Day 59 - Redefining friendship
Day 60 - friendship - Part 2 - Care and Support
Day 61 - Friendship - Part 3 - Care and Support - Self Forgiveness
Day 62 - Friendship - Part 4 – Limitation
Day 63 - Friendship - Part 5 – Quality Time
Day 64 - Friendship - Part 6 - Quality time - Self Forgiveness
Day 65 - Friendship - Part 7 – Consumerism
Day 66 - Friendship - Part 8 - The Debt System
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to help/support my friends from a starting point of
expecting to get a pay back in the future, within this I forgive myself for not
accepting and allowing myself to be here in every
moment and direct myself to do everything I do within/as breath,
unconditionally, instead of imposing the past and the future on the moment that
is hereI commit myself to practice being here as breath when I do thing for people or in general, as to not do it from a starting point of paying off a debt from the past, or an expectation to be paid back in the future
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be nice to my friends within participating in being a good friends character, and within that not doing things unconditionally within a starting point of actually supporting them as myself in the moment, but from a starting point of a debt system, doing it for them now so that I can get something form them later, in addition to the good feeling I get for believing I am such a good friend for compromising/helping and not even making a big deal over it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the emotional energy that comes along with the expectation/disappointment within the debt construct within friendships, as blame/shame/spitefulness etc.. ,I forgive myself not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by participating within the debt construct I am fueling the mind as I am adding unnecessary conflict to my life
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath if/when I see myself going into the debt construct, to support myself with bringing myself back here, to stop the backchat, to breathe, I commit myself to investigate each specific point that opens up within the debt construct within writing out the point and walking it through self forgiveness until the point is clear, and I commit myself to within each point, draw the path before me through corrective statement as to insure I do not fall in the same point again
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceit myself and my friends as myself within presenting myself as a caring/supportive friends while all along keeping score as to see who owes what/how much to whom, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to actually care for/support my friends unconditionally because I have always been keeping score, making sure I am not the one in debt, and if I would find myself in debt I would act to pay it back within a starting point of clearing my debt and at the same time to deliberately create situations that I place others in debt towards me in my mind, through holding on to the point of debt in memory and thus living the past/future instead of being here in every moment as breath
I commit myself to stopping myself from participating within/as the debt system of the friendship construct, through the support of breath if/when I see myself keeping score, thus I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself do something from a starting point of expecting there to be a pay back, and within this I commit myself to stopping myself within/as breath when I see myself doing something within a starting point of paying my debt, I realize that by participating within/as the debt system I am diminishing myself and the beings around me, through not allowing us to communicate here but always bringing up and living in the past as memory, and in the future as expectation.
I forgive myself for accepting ad allowing myself to use the friendship construct as a format of competition through keeping score and thus to do what I can to be the winner which means to make the other as the loser, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the abusive nature of the debt system, making one dependent on and in debt to another, thus participating with and creating power/control/superiority instead of doing what is best for all within stopping such abuse from existing within myself and thus within the world as a whole, and to actually support myself and those around me through not living in the past as memory or in the future as expectation, as I realize past/future exist only in the mind, and thus are not real as the physical, as breath, here
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the debt system within friendships is based on lack of effective communication where one expresses to the other why they will or will not do something, and within this point I see that if they are expecting something in return it should be agreed on within clear communication and acceptance of both sides, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to practice and participate within effective communication because I have allowed myself to live in fear of being exposed as who I am within my hidden mind, and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live within self shame as a starting point of who I am within believing that the who I am within the back chat of the hidden mind is too shameful to share, and thus I have allowed myself to instead of correcting myself when/if necessary, to deceive myself and those around me and as consequence have created more conflict within myself and without as the communication with the other, through participating/accepting the debt system without questioning it to see if it's valid as a construct to exist within relationships
I commit myself , when I am asked to do something, to take a breath and actually give myself a moment to see/decide if I am willing to do this or not, within this I commit myself to base my decision on what is here now, and not project into the future expectations to hold as debt, within this I commit myself to communicate to the other if I do have any expectations and to come to an agreement as to wither it is valid and accepted on both or not
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the entire construct of friendships is based on debt as within the mere expectation of the other to "be my friend", each with their own definition of it, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "lone" my friendship to my friends within the expectation that they will pay me back with their friendship towards me, as that is what will make us friends, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be friends with all beings in existence as equals, where as the reason being that the ones that I don't "chose" as my friends - I don't expect to get anything out of them, and thus I am not their friend because there is nothing in it for me, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the entire construct of friendship is based solely on self interest and the living proof of it is that we are not friends with every one equally, we chose our friends to serve our needs, such as to feed our personalities or the idea that we are good/friendly people, or the belief we are protected and taken care of, because we have realized that we live in a cruel and evil world, that if we don't have anyone to take care of us we will not survive, yet we accept and allow others that are not our friends to walk around unprotected because they have nothing to give us in return to our friendship
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat some people better/different than others based on who I define as my friend, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change as I present a different personality depending on which friend/person I am communicating with, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be the totality of me within self honest self expression with every one I am in communication with and in every moment of every breath
I commit myself to investigate all personalities I go into and participate with, within my friendships and with people that I don't define as my friend, and within that I commit myself to stop myself from participating within/as personalities and allow myself to be here, stable and equal within/as every moment of every breath, through a process of writing myself within self forgiveness and corrective statement, to allow myself to see the self deception/manipulation I have participated with from a starting point of self interest, and to correct myself as what is best for ALL and not limit myself to living as what is best just for myself and my friends because I realize there can be no equality if I limit myself to just those that serve my self interest, thus I commit myself to, within breath, let go of my self interests, one point at a time, through realizing that the "highest" interest is that which is best for all, and thus I will not stop until I am equal within all my relationships and within all communications, stable as breath, here as life
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Desteni
Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
Desteni I Process
Equal Money System
Journey to Life Group
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Creation's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Earth's Journey to Life
Saturday, October 20, 2012
continue from my previous blogs:
Day 59 - Redefining friendship
Day 60 - friendship - Part 2 - Care and Support
Day 61 - Friendship - Part 3 - Care and Support - Self Forgiveness
Day 62 - Friendship - Part 4 – Limitation
Day 63 - Friendship - Part 5 – Quality Time
Day 64 - Friendship - Part 6 - Quality time - Self Forgiveness
Day 65 - Friendship - Part 7 - Consumerism
So, here's a scenario to look at - I do something for my friend, lets say help them move their apartment, just because they asked me to and I didn't want to say no, I didn't really mind troubling myself but it did feel like a compromise and I noted it to myself that I'm doing it for them because we are friends, and that's what caring friends do. But I don't do it unconditionally, this event is registered, and goes into the calculation books in my mind and waits there quietly for an opportunity to open up the books with an expectation of pay back, while in the mean while accumulating similar events as they come along, and adjust the debt accordingly in my mind.
Then, after some time, there might be a situation where I am need of some help, or want something to be specifically as I want it to be, so I will find myself asking something of my friend, at times I won't even ask but expect them to know what I want/need, and, since I have accumulated all this debt in my behalf, they should be willing and wanting to do things for me - it's pay back time.
So from my perspective this friend now owes me and I would like them to "pay me back" when it suites me, and if they don't "feel like" doing whatever I want or simply can’t assist me at that very moment, I would react within blame, comparison, self victimization, self righteousness, spitefulness, and revenge - because "the owe me", "I am entitled to receiving this help from them"
I would blame them for not being a good friend with back chat as: "why don't they want to do things for me like I do for them, why am I always doing things for them, even when I don't want to, just because I'm a good friend, but they wont do the same for me", then I will turn to spitefulness and revenge as I lash out at them, using emotional manipulation to maybe get them to change their minds, or at least feel bad for not doing what I want, and I prepare myself within my mind as planning the next time they ask for something, I tell myself within myself, there's no way I will do it for them, even if it's not a problem for me, even if I can easily help... this is thus one side of the debt game within friendships, the side of the giver/helper, the one with the perception of power as they the other has debt towards them.
On the other side of the debt system, there is the side receiving the assistance, and thus owing the debt, and they might now feel in debt to the friend who gave them the support, they might try hard to show their support back to their friends whenever they can, to maybe mark off a few points in the growing debt, they might become spiteful towards their friend because they believe their friends is the reason they are feeling in debt to them, so they end up resenting the friend that is helping them.
One must realize that this debt is an illusion created within ones mind where one calculates all acts and actions and accumulates debt for oneself and the other, while within this process of debt accumulation, there is no actual agreement between the two through communication in regards to the debt and how it is going to be paid off, it is all hidden within ones secret mind and assumed to be real as a part of a "fair"/mutual friendship".
Another point within the friendship debt, is that there is an initial assumption that you have to do things for your friends just because they are your friends, by being friends there is a hidden agreement that it's OK to expect things from one another, things that haven't been agreed on specifically, so basically, what it means is that you can expect from a friend to do something, because it seams like something small enough to expect, and then, if the friend refuse to comply, you would go into disappointment because you had expected them to participate, and from disappointment you can go to spitefulness, and revenge, while within this you are not actually considering your friend within finding out why they cannot help out, and in some cases if you do find out you will convince yourself it's is a justification made by them to get out of why they didn't help you, not realizing what you are doing at the very moment is justifying to yourself the disappointment/spitefulness you have been participating with.
The debt construct of friendship can be found in every relationship, where we expect things from one another, we do things for one another, but within that we almost never actually to it unconditionally within/as the moment, within/as breath, as a self movement self directed decision, doing as so that once the moment has gone - that's it, it's done with, it's behind us. No. we do it always based on self interest and fear, within holding on to it as a charged memory, accumulating it as debt.
Self Forgiveness and Corrective Statement in the following blog to come
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
continue from my previous blogs:
Day 59 - Redefining friendship
Day 60 - friendship - Part 2 - Care and Support
Day 61 - Friendship - Part 3 - Care and Support - Self Forgiveness
The idea/ideal of friendship, that I have accepted, has to do with a bond, like two people tied together, thus limiting each other, not allowing complete self expression as within any bond/tie
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowing myself to limit my friends through using emotional manipulation and ultimatums, as a way to get from them what I want or avoid what I don't want within our friendship, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take advantage of the bond we have created as our friendship and to hold them responsible for it within manipulating them not believing that if they did something that I do not accept they are in fact braking the bond between us, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use, within self interest, the fear we all share of losing our friends, and thus within self interest of getting what I want or having the situation the way I want it, to manipulate my friend into a point of fear of losing me and within that to blame them for being responsible for it if they did that which I don't want them to do
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within friendship within a fear of losing the friendship if I do/express something that isn't accepted within the friendship, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live as self expression but instead to limit myself within an act I believe would be accepted and approved by my friends in order to maintain my friendship due to fear of being alone/rejected
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, within the effort to maintain the friendship at any cost, I would not allow myself to express myself as who I really am, but instead I would try and act in certain ways, to say the right things, to be funny and entertaining, to seams caring and supportive etc.… within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a lie within myself where as on the one hand I believe my friendships to be real and authentic, and on the other hand I fear being authentic in every moment because I fear it might hurt the friendship through not passing the judging eye of my friends, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to explore myself within actual self expression within my friendship and within that to actually expect my friends to reject me if I were to express myself truly within self honest self expression in every moment, and within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the fear of being rejected, and the expectation of being rejected by my friends, is a projection of myself as not accepting myself and judging myself and not allowing myself to express myself within self honesty because I don't accept myself as worthy to be accepted as who I am, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my friends are limiting me within their judgment while all along I have been the one limiting myself, using the structure of my friendship to enslave myself within believing I am doing it for their acceptance of me while actually I have been doing it to suit my own idea of how I will be accepted, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that I am limiting myself because of the judgment of my friends, and I haven’t allowed myself to see that I am the one who I existing within/as judgment and projecting it on to them, and thus am the one responsible for the participation/existence of judgment within our friendship
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that my friends are judging me not realizing I am projecting onto them my own self judgment within not accepting myself as who I am due to past experiences/memories that I have allowed myself to accept as the definition of me as inferior to myself as life, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame them for my own accepted limitation that I have created myself as but blame them as a self manipulation to hide from myself my own self responsibility, and within blaming them due to not allowing myself to see my responsibility of my self-limitation within self honesty, to within spitefulness allow myself to limit them within the justification of "do on to them what they have done on to me" while I was the one doing it on to myself, and then on to them. Thus, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize what I have done within/as my friendships, as I have transformed the construct of friendship from the caring/supportive ideal I have created about it in my mind as an idea, to a nasty/spiteful/judgmental power game of who sais the final word within the rules and regulations of the friendship, doing whatever I can that the final word will be mine, and that it is me that calls the shots, so that I can feel powerful and in control, while not realizing that it is all an outflow of my own self rejection/diminishment, and thus the loop of polarity exposes it's head again, as I hide from myself my hidden weakness that I actually believe myself to be, and instead, disguise it as power, within having the power to do onto another that which I do onto myself within my mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as self diminishment and within that to require friends to validate me to myself and through their acceptance give myself a sense of self value, instead of allowing myself to value myself for who I am as life, within realizing that I am life in fact, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself as life, but instead to believe myself to be less than life, and less than the idea I have within my mind as who I should be or should have been, and within this self diminishment to try and hide it from myself through distracting myself with many friends, and surrounding myself with many friends, not realizing that they as well are requiring my validation to hide from themselves their lack of self acceptance, and they too require validation to find within themselves a sense of self value and worthiness, and thus instead of supporting myself as life as realizing this point, and instead of supporting them as life within realizing this point, we assist each other in hiding from ourselves through direction ourselves with our friendship and so-called acceptance while all along playing this game of acceptance to hide the truth of ourselves from ourselves
I commit myself to investigate further the point of self diminishment/judgment/acceptance, because I now see how much it is influencing/directing me within my life and interactions with others, within that I realize the abuse I have been allowing towards myself and others where the source of the abuse being my self diminishment/judgment/acceptance, thus, I commit myself to investigate this point until I am clear within myself, until I am standing within self acceptance, until I have stopped all self judgment, I commit myself to do this within a daily process, as I walk each point, step by step, opening it up, facing myself as what I have accepted and allowed as myself, and within this I commit myself to change, to stop myself from participating and accepting myself than anything less than who I am as life, I commit myself to myself as life
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself participating in limitation towards myself or others, through emotional manipulation or the belief of dependency, I realize that it doesn't make any sense to do anything if it isn't me as self expression as self as life doing it, within this I realize that I have never really lived because I have never allowed myself to express myself as who I am within self acceptance. I commit myself to find myself within all the hiding and self deception, and to stand within/as myself, and to rebirth myself as life, trough a process of writing myself as I have realized this is the tool to see/face myself, and within self forgiveness as I have realized that only through forgiving myself can I let go of who I have allowed myself to be and exist as and to change myself into a being that supports self as life and all life as equal and one, as what is best for all
I commit myself to stop myself from participating in friendships/relationships that support the mind as the characters we have defined and accepted ourselves as, I commit myself to stand in the face of conflict without fear through the support of breath, and not accepting anything less than who I am and who my friend is, as life.
I commit myself to allow myself to change, to let go the old/familiar persona I know as myself and to rediscover myself from a fresh starting point that isn't directed by fear/limitation/diminishment, but is directed by self within breath, as life.
I know this will take time, it took me years to create myself as who I am, and it will take me years to face all the points, and forgive myself for all the abusive shit I have participated in, but I realize I cannot go on like this, I cannot accumulate more point of guilt, shame and regret, I realize tat every breath that I participate within/as the mind is another breath that I am not here, thus disregarding the one thing that is truly valuable, myself, the physical, breath
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Wednesday, October 10, 2012
continue from previous blogs:
Day 51 – Blame character – Part 1
Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness
Day 53 - Blame character - Part 3 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Commitments
Day 54 - Blame Character - Part 4 - Being Repeatedly Attacked – Self Forgiveness
Day 55 - Blame Character - Part 5 - Being Repeatedly Attacked - Self Commitments
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that the blame character is in fact a protection mechanism designed to protect myself as the characters I have created myself as within/as the mind, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that within participating within/as blaming I am enslaving myself to the mind, not allowing myself to see what is actually here as the physical as life, not allowing myself to see my power within self responsibility, but only limiting myself through my participation within/as blame
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as a slave to others and thus blame them for enslaving me, while not allowing myself to see my self responsibility within my participation within/as the situation and within that to not allowing myself to see that I am enslaving myself to the other being, to the situation and to the mind, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as enslaved as an accepted way of being, instead of realizing myself as equal to the other being, the situation and the mind and within/through realizing myself as equal to stop all experience of enslavement within realizing that enslavement as an experience exist only through my participation/creation of it, and is an indication of allowing myself to exist as unequal, within that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as unequal while justifying it to myself because I see myself as the lesser party, not realizing that both sides are equally responsible for any inequality, and thus by accepting myself as the lesser/inferior I am accepting the other side of the polarity as superior/enslaver/abuser to exist within my personal experience and the world as a whole
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within an experience of enslavement, not realizing that by participating with the experience I am in fact giving my permission to remain enslaved to/as the mind, instead of stopping myself within breath, and bringing myself back to the physical, using the physical reality as a light house, lighting the way for myself back to self, as the physical as what is real, and not allow myself to be directed by the mind within/as the temptation to follow it, because I have realized that following the mind is exactly how I have enslaved myself, within the temptation to get the energetic highs and lows, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself through existing as enslavement within allowing myself to be directed by the addiction of high/low energy that I have created myself as
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prefer living as an energetic experience and by that to compromise myself as life, instead of allowing/willing myself to go through a process of withdraw, as giving up the energetic addiction generated by the mind as I participate with back chat such as blame, and through/within breath, rebirth myself as life, here, as the physical, as equal to all beings, as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing slavery to exist through my allowance of enslavement as the experience of myself within participation in the mind, thus I forgive myself to accept and allow enslavement to exist, though, to express my disapproval of slavery while still allowing myself to exist of the salve as the mind, thus
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand as a living example to stopping all enslavement through stopping the enslavement I have allowed/accepted as myself
I commit myself to live as a living example, of a being that is walking a process of self change, to not accept slavery from both within and without, as I realize that as above so below, thus I realize that as long as I participate within enslavement as myself I am giving my permission for enslavement to exist in all/any other dimensions within the world
I commit myself to walk a daily process of bringing myself back to life, through writing as a tool to expose/investigate myself, to be able to see how I have created myself within/as blame and all other characters I have defined myself as, to through writing allow myself to see the hidden constructs that I have created myself as but have allowed myself to integrate them as myself to such a degree that I have forgotten I have ever created them as myself, and thus have lost power/control over then and thus have allowed myself to become enslaved to them, I commit myself to forgive myself point by point by point for all the characters/back chat/hidden mind that I have allowed myself to exist as and through self corrective statements to draw myself a road map of how to get out of this mess that I have created, and never allow myself to recreate it again
I commit myself to when/as I see myself participating in the energetic experience of enslavement, to stop myself within breath, to remind myself that I am the creator of each and every experience I participate with and thus I am both sides of the coin, as the enslaved and the enslaver, thus I remind myself of the realization that I have the power to stop such experiences, and through breath I support myself to stop
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