Showing posts with label dedication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dedication. Show all posts
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Day 191 – Daily writing commitment restart – Day 1
I've realized today, once again, that my life is like being stuck on a marry-go-round, where I go up and down and there is somewhat of an experience that things are happening, but I am actually doing the same thing, living out the same patterns, the same characters over and over and over… existing within an illusion that I am living, not even realizing that I have been on the same ride going round and round… I know there is life beyond this ride, and I know I have the power to get off the ride and start living, but I guess it's easier said then done - only through actual self investigation in self honesty will I be able to set myself free, I must ask myself the most intimate, hardest questions within the starting point of actually wanting to sort myself out, and to answer myself in harsh self honesty - I must also realize what questions I must ask myself? And not accept the automated "but I don't know" as an answer.
Since I became aware of the desteni process I've become aware of such points - that we are all accepting ourselves as patterns of the mind and not actually living as self expression as who we are, that we have all lost ourselves to such an extent that we do not know why we do what we do, we do not even know what we are feeling let alone what was the process of creation as we created these feelings within / as ourselves, as we were an active part of creating them, every step of the way, yet, conveniently we have allowed ourselves to forget the process and trap ourselves in the realm of consequence, thus existing as the victim of reality instead of realizing ourselves as the creation - whereas the victim is powerless and cannot do much to change while the creator has all the power to change everything yet requires the intention to do so - it's been 4 years now, that I know this, and even though I know this to be true, and am frustrated by it, I have not yet moved myself to do anything about it, I prefer believing myself as the helpless victim rather than taking self responsibility and living as the creator - because living as the creator has one of two options - to face myself as a creator that doesn’t care about anything, and live with myself as such, or get off my ass and take responsibility for my creation, and correct / change / perfect myself to be a creation that I proudly stand by - when thinking about why the hell am I not doing everything in my power to prefect myself, to change myself into becoming a being of self worth as I know that by changing myself I can become, the only answer I come up with is that I really don't care enough about myself, nor life, nor anyone really nor anything - up until now I obviously did care about anything in life, because if I would have, wouldn't I get my ass into gear by now, and do something about this fuck up of a life?
This isn't easy to admit, who wants to admit that they don't care about themselves, nor anything and anyone in their world?... All I really ever cared about is surviving, and since I was born into a financially comfortable situation, the only survival I had to consider was social survival - which if investigated a bit, I always experienced myself within social fear and sense of exclusion in everything I did, so I surrounded myself with many friends, from kindergarten age, some friends I liked more than others, some I used just for the company, but I would have never admitted to it - it's like all friendship was, was a joining of two lonely people that if they were together they wouldn't have to face the fact that they are living in a state of constant loneliness and a sense of exclusion - and then, after some time of practicing this social thing, the loneliness was suppressed and forgotten and was replaced with a plastic sense of belonging, only to came back up and rear it's head as fear, whenever events could be interpreted as a social problem, if they implied that something may change and the experience of loneliness / exclusion / rejection may return.
It wasn't all like that, as a very young child there was a point of pure enjoyment, like an actual physical enjoyment, playing together and laughing, but here, I am more referring to the time where "politics" / self interest / manipulation came into friendships, when it wasn't about the "just being here and enjoying ourselves and each other" but when it became, you know, girly and gossipy, proving to each other our friendship with gestures of loyalty, usually at someone's expense, and so on… when it became something you need to maintain and work on and not just enjoy.
Anyway, infesting this is coming up now, I am leaving the farm soon and I haven't addressed this point effectively in writing, I actually haven’t really addressed any point effectively in writing, I have just hardly scraped the surface, which is the main point of not committing myself and just letting myself go through the same shit over and over instead of dedicating myself to myself to sort myself out - always back to the same point.
So, here I am , in a process of learning to support myself, ashamed of myself for taking so long to get off my ass to make the first step in caring for myself, in trying to change myself and become a person that I want to care for, that I honor and respect, and doubting whether I can even make it and change myself - though, this self doubt is also just one of those characters on my marry-go-round, a character that I have allowed to direct me and infiltrate almost everything I do - self doubt is a tricky bastard, because it presents itself as naïve and innocent - "I am not saying that I can't do it, I just doubt that I can", like preparing the way of failure indirectly, "just in case I fall, let me make sure there is a safety net" - not realizing that instead of focusing on that which I am doing I am placing my attention on failure, and preparing my fall, thus distracting myself and actually sabotaging myself.
When I'm asked how I am doing, I answer with like a form of apology, allowing room to this self doubt character to sneak in, as if I cannot afford to say that "I'm working on it, it's going well, and I am improving, I will continue working on it until I am satisfied" - instead I will say something like "ya, it's ok, getting better, but there is still a long way to go, I'm moving very slow, and it's not as good as I would want it to be by now, but it's improving, so it's ok" - expressing and emphasizing the half empty cup, rather then simply saying it as it is, god forbid I let go this experience of inadequacy and actually take charge of myself and move into the "right" direction, the "right" direction being that which I choose it to be in self honesty.
Only now I see this, lol, I am a pessimistic… I expect the worst I anticipate the worst and I prepare for the worst, that is why I live and exist in constant fear… keeping expectations low, because what if I actually believe in myself and dedicate myself to a point, and actually invest myself in something - and fail - what will happen to me then? Well, the way I am acting it seems like I would die and dissipate into a million non existing pieces of nothing - but reality isn't so dramatic, I think - and so, I have been living as a pessimistic, not realizing that I am creating myself and my world according to who I allow myself to be, as my reality will only reflect me back to myself, and so, it isn't about changing the reality to be good and nice and then to prove my pessimism wrong, which is what I have been trying to do, as I have gone to the positive / feel good / optimistic fantasy land, which is as far from reality as being pessimistic, probably ever farther… it is, as always, about changing myself, as who I am in my relationship to myself, my world and my reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a pessimistic, within believing that I will not be disappointed if I prepare myself to fall, not realizing that by preparing myself to fall I am actually sabotaging myself and manifesting the failure instead of being here in breath and walking practically towards the point I have seen as fit to walk, and dedicating myself practically and fearlessly.
When and as I see myself expressing myself in pessimism, I stop myself and breathe, I direct myself to slow myself down, and evaluate what am I about to say, making sure that I am not participating in the pessimistic character as a means to prepare myself for a fall, and in doing so accepting a fall as inevitable - within this, I commit myself to when and as I see that my tonality or choice of words are pessimistic I stop and breathe and speak in simplistically and clarity, making sure that what I am saying is not contaminated with judgment or fear, but is a reflection of the physical reality as it is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express myself pessimistically I stop myself and breathe, I direct myself to speak in stability and express what is actually here, without expectation and fear of failure.
I forgive myself for participating in the polarity of pessimism as seeing the worst and then to cover it up with a fake optimism, not realizing that investigating the point of pessimism allows me insight into myself as it exposes my fears - and so, when and as I see myself expressing / experiencing myself as pessimistic, I stop myself and breathe, and realize this I a gift of self realization if I only see it as such, and not allow myself to suppress it with either fear of positivity but to allow myself to through the pessimism, see reality and myself as is, not more nor less, not better nor worse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel more comfortable within expressing myself in self judgment, not realizing that I am harming myself as I am constantly doing so, as what starts with self judgment as a means to remain pessimistic, as to make sure there is something wrong with the picture, ends as an actual self expression as self judgment had become the expression of self, due to my acceptance and participation within it. And so, I commit myself to slow myself down in breath and become more aware and notice my self expression as self judgment, and to stop myself with breath, to come to a halt, when I see myself judging myself for the sake of being negative.
FYI - one of my difficulties in this process, is that every point that opens up is huge, and takes many writings to go through - see here, the self doubt coming up "I can't do it, it's too much for me" - I breathe, and do not allow this chain of thought - and practically, I have proven to myself that consistency is the secret of accumulation, and accumulation is the secret of process - and so, even though a point seems huge, I know that if I take it on bit by bit by bit, I will cover it - and walking one step at a time, is always possible - so I know that all these useless thoughts of "ho shit, this is big" are just distracting / sabotaging me from walking this and any other point - no more - I must do this - and here I am, doing it - one step at a time.
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Wednesday, May 1, 2013
"writing is the dedicated action you take to structurally direct yourself to self trust and respect and value --its not just writing about anything--it is WHO you are when writing that counts" - Bernard Poolman
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to utilize structurally and consistently the tool of writing myself to freedom as well as self forgiveness, thus, not giving myself the opportunity to see, face, self realize and change myself, as I state in words that how much I want to but, in action I have not been pushing myself to live into the physical the words I speak / think.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to day after day imagine in my mind as future projection how I face myself, realize myself and change myself to stop with the emotional abuse that I have been accepting and allowing within / as myself, and instead learning to actually live as self trust, as a living stand within the principle equality and oneness within and without - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk the process of actually living this expression of self change, but instead I have only allowed myself to fantasize about it, while remaining who / what / how I am, giving myself and taking any excuse possible from small to large, instead of stopping the nonsense, taking a breath, and starting my process for myself, as myself, and in self dedication and honor.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience self doubt as I'm writing these lines, as I have written them many times before, as many times I have committed myself to myself in words, but them have not followed through in action - and thus, each time I fail my own self commitment to myself I doubt myself that much more, and now I ask myself how will I make this time any different? How will I actually stand by my commitment / decision, and actually walk this process of self writing, self investigation, to build and develop myself as self honesty and self trust? What has been the missing ingredient that if I just find it I will be more likely to stand by my word? - and once again, as I write I realize, the ingredient is me obviously.
I am the one who must decide, I am the one who must live to my commitment day by day, breath by breath, moment by moment, no one else can do this for me, no one can force me to do this, I am actually alone in this, if I don't do this for myself, if I give up on myself that is what will be, it is really only up to me - funny enough, I have been so busy running away from taking responsibility in every aspect of myself, and here I see that I am my responsibility weather I take it or not, but whatever I do, I will have to live with the consequences, so there is no escape route - but I've seen this before - I know, realize, see and understand that I am responsible for myself, for my experience, for my thoughts and behavior, for my suffering, for my self interest and accepted abuse, and I see that I cannot crawl into a cave and wait till this scene is over and join life after intermission - it's funny, because life is like the theatre in so many ways, but not from the perspective that it isn't, this is my one life, there are no second chances, there is no dress rehearsal, and there is no actual audience, we are all the actors and no one is looking at anybody but themselves.
So who am I acting for? Why am I not stopping this charade, and starting over, in humbleness, in self honesty, in self investigation to actually get to the bottom of myself and start over fresh?.... What and why am I holding onto myself - I mean, if I look at my days the part of which I am actually experiencing joy are minute, though I act like I am very joyful, why do I do that? And why am I accepting this as the only way to be, when I know what needs to be done, I know what I must do to support myself, yet I stand in the face of the choice, whether to support myself or not, and I choose not - why do I not care about myself enough to support myself unconditionally? Who will support myself if not me? Who will embrace me but myself? How will I ever be able to give to another that which I am not even able to give to myself? Is this the source cause of my isolation? Am I too afraid to open up to myself so I don't dare opening up to / with another?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt myself, instead of looking practically at whether I can do this or not, and I see that yes, daily writing is something that practically I can indeed commit myself to, and so, I let go the past memories of failing myself within this very commitment, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail myself within not standing by / as my commitment to myself to write daily, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself deliberately within not standing by my commitment / decision to write, and within this, I realize that the only way to stand as this commitment is by writing daily, there is nothing big / great / energetic / special about it, simply writing daily.
So, here I am , starting over, dedicating myself to putting my past failures behind me, to let them go as to not keep them from holding me back - I am here now, and I commit myself to write and support myself as much as I can, and more - as I realize that the points that I am not supporting myself are not valid, and must be investigated and corrected.
Ok - so here was day 1, only a life time to go….
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Saturday, April 27, 2013
This is a continuation of my previous blogs: 
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
Day 182 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self forgiveness
Day 183 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self Commitments
Day 184 – Self Belief – “I am not Dedicated” – Further Investigation
Day 185 – Self Belief – “I am not Dedicated” – Waking Myself Up
And specifically a direct follow up to my previous blogs
Day 186 – Self Belief – “I’m not a Hard Worker”
Day 187 – Self Belief – “I’m not a Hard Worker” – Part 2
Day 188 – “I’m not a Hard Worker” – Part 3 - Self Forgiveness
if you haven’t already, please read them for further context.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am not and incapable of being a hard worker within defining it specifically as physical labor, within a deliberate attempt to separate myself from the term of being a hard worker as a form of self sabotage and within this to justify the separation within associating being a hard worker to inferiority as related only to blue collar jobs thus allowing myself to overlook the physical and practical values of being a hard worker
Seeing this now I realize I must redefine being a hard worker in such a way that I can live as the expression of / as myself, to stop existing in separation from the term and thus to stop sabotaging myself through living out the expression of not being a hard worker, to then as a result feel bad and inadequate for living out the belief of not being able and capable to be a hard worker – I see, realize and understand that as long as I allow myself to exist in separation from / as the term as being a hard worker, I will not allow myself to experience myself as self worth, because I have been giving value to being a hard worker but am not allowing myself to live it as the expression of myself, and thus deny myself the opportunity of being one with the expression of the value I have given being a hard worker, within this, I see realize and understand that to ease the sense of inadequacy within aligning myself within and as the social construct, I have allowed myself to separate myself further from being a hard worker through judging those who do hard physical labor as inferior socially, within this, creating a situation for myself that I have no interest of changing, because within this judgment it is ok for me to not be a hard worker, and by doing so I am placing myself as superior socially – not allowing myself to see the absurdity of experiencing myself superior by not doing / applying a physical and practical action that is essential for the survival and existence of humanity in this physical reality.
When sounding the words “hard worker”, what stands out is “Heart worker” as putting my heart into what I am doing, into the work I am participating with – it’s really interesting that this should come up because in a way it sums up the effective and supportive aspects of being a hard worker, and removes the judgment and separation.
Putting my heart into the work I do would refer to being here, breathing, being in and one with the physical as the physical action and application I am busy with –within that, in no way being in the mind as not allowing self to participate in back chat, judgment, manipulation, or any form of energetic mind component – living the expression of being a hard worker, as a heart worker, to simply do what needs to be done within the specific task / job at hand - putting my heart into what I am doing, totally putting myself in what I am doing, being one with what I do.
I have never really taken a moment to look at the function of the heart and see how can I learn from it, as to learn from the heart’s expression to apply such expression as myself, within this, in relation to the point of being a hard worker, as a heart worker, as putting ones heart into whatever it is one does – in looking at the heart what I see is that the heart functions in the physical, as it is the physical engine of the physical body, and thus is responsible not only for itself but for the entire body, it consistently works beat by beat, as a physical rhythm, and it must be here in every moment, doing it’s job, nothing more and nothing less, in order to support the entire body with nutrients and oxygen. The heart does not see itself superior or inferior to the task it is doing as pumping blood around the body, and if it would create inner conflict or go into self interest, the entire body will suffer the consequences…
Thus, living the expression of a hard worker, as a heart worker is to be humble, and to do what needs to be done within the best interest of all, it is to stop the mind and not allow any judgments, justifications, excuses, beliefs or back chat to exist and direct self within doing the task / job - doing so within realizing that if one is busy in one’s mind, one cannot be busy doing one’s responsibility in the best possible way, and the consequences of one’s actions will affect all, and not only self, because of the interconnectedness of it all.
Within redefining “heard worker” as doing a task and putting myself / my heart into it, and not allowing myself to fall into the traps of the mind, as back chat, judgments, justifications, excuses, manipulation ext. I can see that it is a matter of decision, and not a predetermined personality trait that I can do nothing about, that I am separate from – this is a decision, to be here with what I am doing, to be responsible for what I am busy with and do it completely.
Anyone can do this, but within this I realize that I have lived all my life avoiding this point, creating and living according to resistance and so I realize I have created this as a pattern and to change myself within it I must push myself through the resistance that up until now I have allowed to direct me.
So, when and as I see myself applying myself half hearted, as not putting myself into it, and instead being in my mind, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here to the physical in breath, I restate to myself who I am: “I am here, I take responsibility to do this task, and I stand by my responsibility” and then, I breathe in stability to make sure I stop my thoughts / back chat / mind, and do the task.
When and as the thought / self belief that I am not and incapable of being a hard worker come up, I stop myself and breathe, I do not allow myself to entertain such thoughts / self beliefs as I have seen and realized that they are self sabotaging by nature and have no physical ground, thus, I realize that by participating with them I give them power over me, while by not participating within them, they will dissipate into thin air, and I will remain here, as directive principle. And so, I commit myself to stop myself in breath from participating in any thoughts or self beliefs in the nature of believing myself to not being a hard worker, instead I restate to myself that I am here, and being a hard worker is a matter of decision that anyone can make at any moment, and within this I make the decision in that very moment as to what would be best for all as self support, and I apply it effectively
When and as I experience resistance to continue a task, I stop and breathe, I slow myself down, I remind myself the reward of application is a natural sense of worth, and so, I remind myself the value of applying myself here in the physical, as it is what is best for me, and within supporting myself, is actually best for all.
I realize that in order to live the expression of self worth in every breath I must start living as self worth, to fake it till I make it, and thus, to put my heart into that which I have decided to do is an application of self worth within living the expression of equality as I am equal to the task I am doing, within this, I see that by not putting my heart / myself in what I am doing I am stating to myself that I am not worthy of the task as I am not applying it within equality, and thus, but not being totally in what I am doing, I am a living the expression of unworthiness and so become it, and so it is obvious that ot would be much more supportive for myself to actually walk through the resistance and back chat, to stop my participation within / as the mind, and become a heart worker, as I teach myself to slowly but surely do everything is do as the totality of myself, as I put myself / my heart into it, and just do it.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Thursday, April 25, 2013
This is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
Day 182 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self forgiveness
Day 183 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self Commitments
Day 184 – Self Belief – “I am not Dedicated” – Further Investigation
Day 185 – Self Belief – “I am not Dedicated” – Waking Myself Up
And specifically a direct follow up to my previous blog Day 186 – Self Belief – “I’m not a Hard Worker”, if you haven’t already, please read it for further context.
By making the statement “I am not a hard worker” there are a few dimensions / layers that I am referring to in relation to the definition I have given “hard worker”.
By stating to myself that I am not a hard worker, I am saying that I don’t have the skill set of being a hard worker, as i don’t have the valuable list of characters I relate to being a hard worker, characters of integrity, taking responsibility, following through, completing a task, being humble.
But, at the same time I am not only saying I am incapable, I am actually saying I don’t want to, as I have defined the work that hard workers do, to be beneath me, I am a snob to such tasks, and when I find myself facing these jobs, I have to push through a lot of resistance, jobs like this that I have faced lately were cleaning the toilet, raking, doing physical labor, it is “not for me”, I’d rather have someone else do it – maybe this explains why I am proud of “them” for being hard workers, where I realize these tasks have to be done, because they are practical physical tasks and are necessary for the maintenance and up keeping of the physical environment we live in, and so I am happy that some people can do these tasks and not be bothered by it – obviously I never considered asking them if they really enjoy it, because I prefer not knowing and believing that they are cool as they seem, so long as I don’t have to get my hands dirty. Not wanting to get my hands dirty but wanting the job to be done – spoken like a true elitist.
And so, I have separated myself from this concept, as I do not see myself as all the positive aspects I have attached to the term “hard worker” as I’ve mentioned in my previous blog: “respecting “hard workers” for doing the actual valuable physical jobs, actually getting things done in the physical, they can be left on an island and they will survive because they are physical, they do what needs to be done, they don’t complain, they don’t manipulate, they don’t try to get out of it, they have integrity, respect for the work they do, and they can do any work with pride.”
And at the same time I am saying that I am “too good” for this type of job, I should have a white collar / high class job – someone else should be a hard worker, not me, judging the work as inferior, and those who do the work as inferior, and thus, I do not want to be defined / judged as inferior so I separate myself from such jobs.
So, it seems as I’ve created an interesting polarity here – where I see hard worker as both positive and negative, superior and inferior, and I have separated myself from both aspects. What I see here is that I am the one judging these tasks - yes, it is based on a social accepted judgment, but I am accepting and participating with this judgment towards particular jobs / tasks as being inferior, so first thing’s first – I realize I must remove the judgment.
Then, once I remove the judgment towards specific jobs I can redefine what it really means to be a “hard worker”, within exploring how I can actually live the definition as myself as a living expression of myself, rather than separating myself from it as I have done thus far, within limiting myself and trapping myself in the self belief of not being a hard worker.
Self forgiveness and redefining “hard worker” in my next blogs to come.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Monday, April 1, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
Day 182 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self forgiveness
Day 183 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self Commitments
Day 184 – Self Belief – “I am not Dedicated” – Further Investigation
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
“I commit myself to ask myself direct questions when and as I see myself not standing as my decision, as not acting in alignment with my directive decision, and so, when and as I see myself contradicting myself, I stop myself and breathe, I ask myself why am I sabotaging myself, and I don’t move / participate with anything until I give myself a clear answer in self honesty, and so, I commit myself to push myself to not let myself off the hook, so to speak, and to actually investigate / interrogate myself within the self honest intention of understanding why, at this very moment, I am prepared to sabotage myself through acting in contradiction to my directive decision. And within this, I commit myself to walk myself hand in hand, back here, into alignment with my directive decision, aligned with common sense, aligned with self support, I commit myself to be gentle with myself yet firm and directive, I commit myself to parent myself into self alignment, and treat myself as an innocent child with compassion and care, yet to be strict with myself and push for self discipline.”
I realize that when asking myself in self honesty why am I not acting in alignment to my directive decision – there is most likely not going to be a valid answer, as all answers will probably be excuses and justifications based on self beliefs, ideas and fears, or based on desires and self interest – either way, any excuse for why am I not standing equal to the directive decision I had made, will be based in energy, and thus, as I ask myself I will be faced with a choice – will I follow the path of energy, or will I stand up for myself as life as the physical?
Taking this moment to stop and breath, and ask myself in self honesty why am I acting in contradiction to myself, is the opportunity I give myself to change the course of my action and make a decision in that moment to support myself - and so, stopping and asking myself, is actually opening a window of self awareness, which once is open I am fully responsible for my decision and action from the point on, as I have opened my own eyes in asking myself the question, I woke myself up so to speak, and now I must direct myself to stop the self sabotage patterns within having realized how destructive they are, and to stand up within myself, to allow myself to empower myself within standing as and acting in alignment to my directive decision.
I realize that part of my process is to start becoming aware of what I am doing, as I’ve noticed that so many moments throughout the day go by and I wasn’t here, moments where I am awake but am sleeping, sleep walking my life away, it’s like there is a moment where I make the decision to allow myself to lose myself in my mind, and from that moment I lose myself as I become a zombie, until something happens, and a spark of awareness comes in through the mist, and then I am faced with the next moment of decision – what now? More mind illusions or standing up?
I find that in many cases, when this moment comes and I have the opportunity to “snap out of it” I make an aware decision to stay in the mind’s illusion, i experience like there is a pull, a magnetic force, pulling me back into the mind’s illusion, drawing me into the application of abdicating my responsibility, of procrastinating what needs to be done, of sabotaging myself as the directive decision I am intending to walk, and so basically standing in contradiction to my directive decision, and as such, in contradiction to myself – it seems like the more I spend time away from myself, and in the mind in separation of myself, as the what is here as the physical, the weaker I get, and the stronger the magnetic pull is, and so the next moment when I “wake up” and am faced with the choice I am more likely to fall back into the mind – this is the moment of transformation, of self change, where I must find it within myself to stand up against the pull and resist it, as to not allow myself to be pulled back in to the self destructive and self sabotaging patterns and behaviors but instead to stand as self support / care / honor / respect – this is where asking myself why am I doing this can be supportive – because the longer I stand “outside” of the mind while asking myself a self directive question, here in awareness, here as myself as the physical, the weaker the pull of the mind is and the more chance I have to act I alignment with myself as my directive decision and not be directed by the mind’s pull so easily and automatically.
a must hear:
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Sunday, March 31, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
Day 182 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self forgiveness
Day 183 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self Commitments
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I have previously found the definition for dedication as it is nicely defined as the following equation:
Dedication = direction + decision + action
I find that I struggle with the “action” portion of the equation, where I see in a moment what I must do, but I don’t do it, or I see what I must stop doing, but I continue – this is done by me in full awareness, and even though I can see myself applying myself in contradiction with my expressed direction and decision, I still go ahead and contradict myself, place myself in inner conflict – I realize that allowing myself to make a directive decision in awareness in alignment to a principle that I am standing as, to then defy myself and act in contradiction to myself, is self destructive, as it sabotages my self trust in myself – how can I trust myself if I say one thing and then act in contradiction?
I realize that over time I have participated in this pattern over and over, and believe it to be stronger than me – but within this I know in self honesty, that it is not the pattern that is stronger than me, because it is I that give the pattern it’s strength through my participation, it is not to blame the pattern in separation of myself, but rather to realize that it is I that is sabotaging myself, it is I that am separated from / as myself, and so I must ask myself why would I do that? What is hidden here, what is the cause and reason for me to lie to myself as making statements that I do not intend to stand as, or intend to momentarily, but then in full awareness act otherwise?...
What keeps coming up is a point of laziness and comfortability, where I make an aware directive decision but when the time comes to act on it, I retreat to my comfort zone, and am not willing to walk the physicality of the decision, am not willing to put the physical effort, to walk through the physical resistance – is it really laziness that has been directing me?
Looking at it now, it seems like pure elitist behaviour, a behaviour of a spoilt brat that is not willing to lift a finger – I’m ashamed to see myself as such a person, but more than that, I’m ashamed that even with seeing myself as a spoilt brat, I haven’t yet been able to stop and change myself – is this the person I am doomed to be? Or am I going to find it in myself to change myself?
I obviously want to change and stop participating in the “spoilt brat” character, but at the same time I don’t, because the spoilt brat protects me from doing what I don’t want to do, but what I’ve been hiding from myself is the long term effects of the spoilt brat character, which is to never actually get / be / achieve what I really want, beyond the momentary short term satisfaction.
The spoilt brat character’s main back chat is “I don’t feel like it”, “but, I don’t want to”, “it’s too hard”, “I’ll do it later”, “maybe someone else can do it”, “me? No way, why me, I shouldn’t be the one doing this, it’s not fair”, “I don’t have time”, “I’m busy with other stuff” – the list of excuses and justification is endless – but that is all they are, excuses and justifications, they haven’t got any real substance as an actual valid reason why not to do that which I have made a directive decision to do – yet, even though they are empty excuses – why do I fall for it every time? And more importantly, how can I support myself to stop falling in the spoilt brat’s trap?
How can I dedicate myself to myself as life, how can I commit myself to follow my directive decisions and not my self interest characters as the “spoilt brat”?
I realize that the spoilt brat character is based on energy, as it is directed by the energetic experience of “I don’t feel like it”, and so when and as I experience the “I don’t feel like it” energy coming up, I stop myself and breathe, I realize I am faced with a choice in that very moment – am I going to follow the energy in self interest and become the “spoilt brat” character, or am I going to stand as self directive principle and direct myself in breath as what is best for all, within common sense?
I realize that each time I give in to the “spoilt brat” character it becomes stronger as I become weaker, and every time I stand up within myself and stop myself form participating and becoming the “spoilt brat” character I empower myself, and so, within this I realize that it will be a long process of accumulation, as I have accumulated myself as the “spoilt brat” and now it’s up to me to accumulate myself as life, as standing up in self direction and not follow the path of energy, not follow the self interest as satisfying the momentary desire but rather to satisfy myself as life and walk the directive decision I have made in awareness and allowing myself to be the living example of the principle that I stand as. Wouldn’t that be much more satisfying in the long run?
When and as the “spoilt brat” character comes up within me, as the energetic experience of “I don’t feel like it”, I stop myself and breathe, and I commit myself to do just one more thing, as small as it may be, but to do it in my totality, as a self directive doing, and then once I’m done with this one thing, I breathe and ask myself if I can push myself to do just one more thing, whether it be writing another statement / paragraph / forgiveness, or walking a few more steps towards the completion of another task, and I continue one breath at a time, one more task at a time, where each little task is one point of pushing through the resistance as self sabotage as the “spoilt brat” character, and thus, each little task that I do and do not allow the character to direct me is a small victory for self, a small stand, and so I accumulate myself as self stand, one little point at a time.
Within this, I commit myself to when applying this self correction, as walking just one more task, to do so in breath, and not within “getting it over with” experience, as I realize that would be self manipulation and not actually being here as self support, and so, if I see myself doing a task within a “let’s get it over with” experience, I stop myself and breathe, I slow myself down in breath, I bring myself back here to my physical body, I remind myself that I am here, doing this, and I will have no regrets if I allow myself to actually be here in my totality and complete what I am doing within self integrity, as actually being here and not in my mind in spitefulness towards the situation and towards myself for not satisfying my desire of “but I don’t feel like doing it” and so, when I see myself going into self spitefulness, I stop myself and breathe, I shake myself up and return here to my physical body, and slow myself down to apply myself in the physical action within breathing, allowing myself to be here with my movements, with my breath, and do not allow back chat to infiltrate my experience in the moment.
I commit myself to ask myself direct questions when and as I see myself not standing as my decision, as not acting in alignment with my directive decision, and so, when and as I see myself contradicting myself, I stop myself and breathe, I ask myself why am I sabotaging myself, and I don’t move / participate with anything until I give myself a clear answer in self honesty, and so, I commit myself to push myself to not let myself off the hook, so to speak, and to actually investigate / interrogate myself within the self honest intention of understanding why, at this very moment, I am prepared to sabotage myself through acting in contradiction to my directive decision. And within this, I commit myself to walk myself hand in hand, back here, into alignment with my directive decision, aligned with common sense, aligned with self support, I commit myself to be gentle with myself yet firm and directive, I commit myself to parent myself into self alignment, and treat myself as an innocent child with compassion and care, yet to be strict with myself and push for self discipline.
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Saturday, March 30, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
Day 182 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self forgiveness
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I realize that dedication is a behavioral pattern that can be learn with practice, and within this, I realize that believing it is a skill that I lack is an excuse / justification as to not apply myself and push myself into becoming the living expression of / as dedication, as making decisions and walking them into practicality physically, I realize that becoming dedicated, as breaking the pattern and self belief of not being dedicated will require work and effort and basically will be uncomfortable as change is uncomfortable, and so, when and as I experience uncomfortablility due to the resistance of me not wanting to change, I stop myself and breathe, I realize that changing myself from believing I am incapable of dedication, into living dedication as self expression will take time and effort and won’t be easy, but only through walking this process will I be able to prove to myself that I am directive myself as I am able to make a decision and trust that I will walk it into action – thus allowing myself to be dedicated, being free to be dedicated – and so, I commit myself to slowly but surly become more and more stable within my application until I am standing as dedication as the living expression of / as myself - as trusting myself at all times that I will live into actions all decisions I make, within considering what is best for all in common sense and practicality.
I realize dedication as a living word is not an energetic experience but is a physical application of making a clear and directive decision and walking into physical practicality – thus, I realize that any energy I have connected to “dedication” is of the mind and does not stand as life, and so, I commit myself to let go within breath any idea of energy I am still holding onto in relation to dedication, and within this to let go the accepted experience of self judgment within believing I am not good enough due to believing I am not dedicated, while placing a positive value on that word and thus justifying my self disappointment – all energy – and thus not valid as life and not in support of life as the simplistically of the physical. And so, I commit myself to red flag all energetic experience I experience in relation to dedication, and if and when such energy comes up to stop myself and breathe, and breathe until I am stable, within realizing that this energy is separating myself form myself as life as it is blinding me form the physical reality that is happening under my nose and is shifting me to the illusion world of the mind.
When and as I see myself facing a word / idea / definition within believing that I cannot live it, I realize this is a belief construct where I have separated myself form the word within defining the word deliberately in a way that cannot be lived, and thus setting myself up for a fall, within this, I commit myself, when I see myself facing a word that I believe / experience myself that I cannot live, I stop myself in the moment and breathe, I bring the word here and redefine it as a livable word, as a living word, and within this I commit myself to explore myself as the word and break through the barrier of fear and limitation I have accepted as myself, and instead push myself to expand to grow and not accept anything less than myself as who I am as life, as one and equal to all that is here in existence. And so, practically I commit myself to investigate any word I see myself separated from, as within believing I cannot live that word, and within investigating allowing myself to remove all energetic values I have attached to the word, and redefine it as a livable word that exist simplistically and physically, and so I walk it as myself.
I realize that my self belief as self limitation is based on a memory that I have and am holding onto within an energetic experience, as I have defined myself according to a specific memory and within that have limited myself as I have allowed myself to exist in the past instead of here as the physical, thus, when and as I see myself going into and limiting myself by self belief I commit myself to investigate and forgive myself for any memory that I find that is attached related to the creation of this self belief – as I’ve realized that I have created this self belief over time, as accumulation of memories, and thus I commit myself to find the memories as building blocks within myself and forgive myself for them, one by one, to let them go and free myself to let go the self belief created by them.
When and as I see myself participating in self belief within defining myself as less than / inferior / not able / not capable to do something, I stop myself and breathe, I realize that by participating in such a belief I am sabotaging myself and abusing myself as I am diminishing and belittling myself – and such behavior is not acceptable and I will not allow myself to treat myself in such an abusive and diminishing way – and thus I commit myself, when seeing myself go into and participate within a self belief to stand up from within it, and stop my participation in that very moment, to forgive myself for even starting to participate and remain in breath in stability as self support, as self care, as self nurture, as self embracement, and thus, transform myself from self sabotage and abuse to self care and love, from belittling myself to empowering myself. Within realizing that the self belief is created and enhanced by thoughts, I commit myself to, in the moment the self belief comes up within the back chat and thoughts, to stop myself and do not allow myself to participate in the back chat, as I realize it is a slippery slope, and so I stand strong, here in the physical focused on my breathing and do not entertain the back chat thoughts as the building blocks of the self belief.
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Friday, March 29, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that I am not dedicated
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that dedication is a skill that I lack, instead of realizing that it is a behavioural pattern that can be practiced and learned, and thus, within accepting the belief that I am not dedicated I have given myself an excuse to take the easy way out instead of facing myself as who I am and from where I am to push myself to change and learn and become that which I find would be best for me to be, as I’ve seen that the ability of dedication is supportive and empowering and thus rather than giving myself excuses for not being that, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to do all in my ability to equalize myself to the living word as dedication
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define dedication as an energetic experience, instead of realizing the physical practicality of dedication as the living word as I have redefined for myself in the previous blog
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the simplistically of dedication as the living word, as a word that can be lived, and instead I have made it more than it is, in my mind, thus making it special and divine and thus separating myself form it – within this, I realize that any word / character / behavior I see as more than me, as a point that I am not able to achieve, I must investigate the word and look for the energetic value I have given it – within this, to investigate myself and look for the specific memory that I accepted as a defining point of myself to have accepted this point of limitation and inferiority as who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to many memories, indicating that I am not dedicated, thus allowing myself to exist in the past and limit myself due to my past experiences instead of learning from the past, as investigating to find out why was I not dedicated in those situations and from learning myself as my behaviors / patterns to commit myself to change within aligning myself to dedications the living word, within the principle of equality and oneness – within realizing that I can only live that which I am equal to – and thus, I must define dedication in such a way that it can be lived, otherwise I am trapping myself in an endless chase after the unachieved, as living a word that cannot be lived
And so, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately define words, as dedication, in such a way that cannot be lived and thus set myself up for a fall, a failure, instead of supporting myself in seeing that which I am doing and stopping myself, within realizing that such behavior to inflict upon myself an endless chase is abusive and self sabotaging in nature, is unacceptable.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the physical and practical simplistically of the word dedication, as a word that indicates one, within walking in a specific direction, has made a decision in awareness as within researching and investigating and accepting the entire point at hand, and once making the decision within taking into consideration the practical and physical application that must be done in order to walk the decision, within taking into consideration the consequential outflow of walking the decision, within walking into the decision with one’s eyes wide open – one then walk the decision into completion, as a living expression of the direction and the decision, as one and equal, in consistency, until the point is complete.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that at times where I have defined myself and judged myself for not being dedicated, I was not aware of the above definition, and thus could not assess and evaluate why am I not applying myself or living the decision I have made – I forgive myself for never asking myself if I in fact made a directive / aware decision, or did I just follow the spur of the moment, I forgive myself for never asking myself if I made the decision within accepting the direction as the principle it stands as, I forgive myself for never asking myself questions as to try and understand myself, but instead went into judgment, and accumulated one more memory in the pile of self doubt / diminishment / belittling.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect dedication to success within a time frame, not seeing and realizing that a time frame in not a part of dedication within it’s definition, and thus I realize that I have confused myself as to believe that I am not dedicated because I didn’t make a time schedule, and thus, instead of seeing the problem for what it is, as poor time management, or poor prioritizing, I have generalized the point and have defined myself as not being dedicated, not seeing that by doing so I am diminishing myself through living out the belief, instead of actually seeing the point and correcting the actual problem.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that dedication will solve everything, and thus, when I have not managed to finish a project in time I believed it was due to not being dedicated enough, as if I were more dedicated I would have done anything, though, within this, I didn’t allow myself to investigate other aspects within my application and thus, not allowing myself to be specific as to see how exactly did I sabotage the project, in order to be able to correct myself within the relevant point
I see and realize how self beliefs are limiting and self sabotaging as once I believe myself to be something I start behaving as that and actually create myself as the belief rather than the belief actually defining who I am, within this I realize that by falling to self belief I prevent myself from unconditionally investigating myself within the point as to find the actual source point that needs be corrected in order to align myself in becoming the best that I can be in all and every aspect.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Thursday, March 28, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
Within walking the point of resistance towards my application, I have come across some self beliefs that need to be investigated - so i will share these self believes as i walk them, as i open the points up for myself, to remove the restriction / limitation i have allowed through accepting these self beliefs as the truth of me, not seeing, realizing or understanding that that they are an accumulation of hidden assumptions resulting in a huge tower – though, this tower is made of cards, it has no actual stability in the physical, it is an illusion – so, here i will be walking the process to face the illusion within my own self created self beliefs, and changing myself to stand up for myself, to stand as life.
here i am working with the first self belief - "I'm not dedicated" -
Gathering info
Dictionary definition
1. To commit / devote (oneself) to a particular course of thought or action
2. Wholly committed to a particular course of thought or action; devoted
3. A personal, handwritten inscription in or on a work, as by an author to a friend.
4. Designed for a particular use or function
Self allocation point
I see someone who is dedicated as a person that completely throws themselves into a project, they lose themselves within it – someone that is dedicated to something will experience themselves whole, as they have found their purpose and they now dedicate themselves, as the give themselves to the project as their lives, their time, their energy – they are dedicated / committed / devoted to completing the task / project – they do what it takes, they “walk through walls”, failure is not an option – they have an inner drive that moves them, like an energy generator, they are fueled up, like an excitement, an enjoyment.
When I look at dedication I see it as an energetic experience where one is completely consumed by this one thing that they are proud to be a part of, they see themselves in unity with this one thing, they are it in a way.
I have never experienced this, I have never experienced myself “being dedicated” to anything within this definition, I’ve never been dedicated to, no one has ever dedicated anything to me, I see that as a declaration of someone’s value, and so no one has declared that I am valuable to them.
When one gives value to something / someone, they will change their priorities and now focus on this one point and direct themselves to serve this one point because it’s valuable – like one will experience one’s own self value through dedicating oneself to this point of value in separation of self – so energetically, one will experience themselves as valuable because one will defined themselves according to being dedicated to this point of value.
Sounding the word dedicate / dedication
Dead I see ate
Dare dic ate
Deddy cate
D ed I cate – the education I cater for – dedication based on knowledge
D ed I cee it
Did it Cate – did it as the category needed
Did I Cate
Dead vacation
Dead IC ate – dead inside so I eat
Did I action – I did action
Did I creation – I did creation
Dead
I
See
Ate
Dare
Dic – prick
Ed – education
D – the
Did it
Cate – Category
Cate – catering, to cater, to serve
Vacation
Action
Dead – I am not dedicated
Creative writing
1. D ed I cate – the education I cater for – dedication based on knowledge
Dedication from a starting point of knowledge, as an idea of what is valuable, where one dedicate oneself to stand as this point of knowledge, like a political / philosophical / social perspective, catering to this one group / organization, while separating self from the rest, and thus, dedicating oneself to one’s own opinion, as accepted knowledge one was educated and programed to accept.
An example – dedicating oneself to the “war on drugs” where one believe their cause and all the knowledge they have accumulated on the topic, they now are dedicated to the point, they define themselves by it, and cannot afford to lose the point – so they lose the common sense of looking at the greater picture and actually finding solutions because they are so invested in this specific point – and if another will present them with contradicting information they will react in resentment and will reject the new data without listening, because they are dedicated to the information they have.
2. Dead vacation – here I see my relationship to the word dedication as “dead vacation” being dedicated is killing off the fun in life, where I believe dedication implies never again going on vacation, because if one is totally dedicated then there will never be a time that one can take a break and relax, as one had given up one’s life in dedication of this cause / project / organization – so here I see dedication as a sacrificing of all that is enjoyable, where I have created a polarity where one the one side there is fun / vacation / living and on the other side there is dedication / responsibility / self-sacrifices
3. Dead I see ate - Here is another reference to death, where I see death in dedication, as a choice to kill oneself in the name of a purpose / goal that one dedicates oneself to. Where I see dedication as the ultimate self-sacrifice, where one is consumed by that which they are dedicated to, they are eaten up by it
4. Dead IC ate – dead inside so I eat – this is interesting because I use food as emotional compensation, and so within the fear of dedicating myself as the fear of losing myself I have created a defense mechanism, where instead of dedicating myself to the point, in self sacrifice, where eating is a point of compensation to the self sacrifice of dedication
What I’m noticing is that initially I judged myself for not being dedicated and now all that I’m writing is as if dedication is “bad” and so I realize I am still within a polarity and only representing the “bad” side of dedication – so let me explore the sides of it that where the points I desired within it, judged myself for not being and wanted to become, as to allow myself to see a full clear picture:
5. Did it Cate – I am doing it in the category that I chose – i did, I completed the category, where category implies order, and so, one has accomplished / completed a project / task within the desired category, thus implies directiveness, discipline and specificity – dedication thus implies applying oneself into accomplishing / completing a task / project within the specific category decided upon it.
6. Did I Cate – did I cater, did I serve the point / project – when one finds a project / organization that one values and wants to serve and support, one dedicate oneself to the project and cater for it, does things in service of this project / organization
7. Did I action – I did action – here dedication implies the doing of an action, thus, not leaving it as an abstract idea but actually coming down to earth in the physical and taking action towards this goal one dedicates oneself towards. Thus, dedication is not just a statement but a doing, an action
8. Did I creation – I did creation – here a similar implication, though noting that within dedication, as within any doing, there is a creation process, where on bring oneself in dedication, and place ideas / goals into actions and so creates within this process as the outcome / outflow of ones actions. Here dedication implies the act of creation, but from a practical physical, not energetic, starting point, as a simple common sense understanding that when one dedicate oneself to a point there is an outflow, as there is to any decision, and thus a creation, though, here one must then consider what one will dedicate oneself to, as that will determine the outflow as the creation, within the principle of equality – as within so without – where if one dedicate oneself to a point / project / organization that supports all life equally the creation of ones actions will be equal to ones starting point, whereas if one dedicates oneself within a starting point of self interest without considering the principle of equality and oneness the outflow as the creation will be equal to the starting point.
Rewrite definition
So, how will I define dedication to no longer hold any energetic charge to it, and yet still imply its original definition, within adding to it my new and revised / corrected relationship / perception of the word?
I shall start with what it is not – it is not a self sacrifice, not a point of knowledge as an opinion, not the end of all that is fun / enjoyable in life, not a death of any kind, not a giving up on oneself, not a losing oneself, not being eaten alive, and when all these energetic charges are removed will not cause emotional compensation eating.
Dedication is an action, it is a creation, there is a responsibility within it as to what one will dedicate oneself to will determine the creational outflow of ones actions, there is order within it, as one is not randomly dedicated, but rather one has made a clear and self directive decision as to what and why one will dedicate oneself to, and when decided upon one will act in alignment to the decision made, within the relevant / chosen category of action.
Within the principle of equality, one dedicates oneself to a point one is equal to and has made a decision to live as, and so, one is not dedicating oneself to an external goal / purpose but rather dedicating oneself to self in equality to the point one is walking as an expression of self, as self has made the decision to stand as this point in equality.
Thus, dedication is an active and deliberate doing, done within full awareness and understanding of the outflow of ones actions, and thus, if done in self honesty - one’s dedication will always be aligned with that which is best for all life in equality and oneness and so ones creation, as the outflow of ones actions, will be aligned with what is best for all as support for all life.
Within dedication one will have an eagle’s view of the situation where one sees all points to make a clear decision within self honesty – as one considers the actual physical actions one needs to take, considers the outflow of ones actions, whether they are in support of life or not, and then one dedicate oneself to walk all the points into completion, as a service to one’s decision / goal, which is a service to life.
Dedication, in self honesty, is coming to the conclusion that the point is in support of life, and one stands as the point in equality to / as the point, and one realizes that one’s actions will result in an outflow that is aligned with the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all, and then, one make the decision to walk this point into completion, within considering what are the physical steps that need to be walked, and then one walks the point in clarity and specificity.
To sum it up
I identified that I have many beliefs about myself, beliefs that I have allowed to limit me, to sabotage my freedom of expression and exploration of myself.
In the example of the self belief of “I am not dedicated” I have realized that my beliefs stemmed from how I had defined this word “dedication” within my vocabulary. I defined “dedication” as more than it is, relating it to an energetic experience, giving it an energetic value, both positive and negative, where the positive aspects of dedication I have separated from myself in an accepted inferiority and experience of inadequacy, and the negative aspects were placed as justifications as to why I am not that, instead of seeing that I am separating myself from the “positive” aspects through separating further from myself with a “negative” reason as justification, within the idea / belief that if I were to dedicate myself I will have to scarifies myself – I realize now that I have been pushing myself away, and thus, separating myself from dedication, both from the positive and the negative, thus existing in separation of the word, which made it impossible for me to be able to live this word as an expression of myself, as the living word.
Now that I have redefined this word I see that dedication is not self sacrifice as within an energetic experience of losing myself and giving myself up for the grater cause in self righteousness, as well, it is not a superior experience as being fulfilled by a sense of dedication – what it practically physically is, is a decision, made within a specific direction, and walked practically into action until complete – this procedure of being dedicated to a point does not involve energy, not positive and not negative.
dedication = direction + decision + action
when i say: "I am dedicated to a point" – this would imply that I have seen a point, I have investigated it as to see, realize and understand what it involves practically, I have made a decision to walk this point as myself, as I am aligned with the principle / expression of the point, and so I walk it consistently into completion
The self belief as self judgment as the experience of not being dedicated will then be a red flag to check the process of dedication as mentioned above, as one of the stages of the procedure must have been not clear, and thus i ask myself did I make a clear decision, did I investigate the point or did i walk into it blind folded, can I self honestly say that I am aligned with the point?
When and as I see that I am not dedicated to a point, and self judgment comes up, i stop myself and breathe, i realize that what i am showing myself is that for some reason i am not practically walking this point in consistently into completion, as the practical walking of the point is the external expression of dedication, thus, showing myself the symptom to a problem, thus, i commit myself to then investigate what is actually going in – there is no point to judge myself, because obviously something is simply not aligned, and so, let me align it and decide in self honesty, in full awareness what will be my next stem, decide, and then walk it in self trust.
When and as I see that I am not dedicated to a point, and self judgment comes up, i stop myself and breathe, i realize that there is "nothing to it" as, in the moment i notice i am not dedicated, as not walking the point practically within the directive decision i made - i can stop, realign myself, rededicate myself and walk in that very moment, no fuss to it.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
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