Showing posts with label self honor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self honor. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blog:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to push myself, as to actually put in the effort, dedication and commitment to push myself, to motivate myself, to move myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to find my "inner force" of which to push myself from, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in separation from my "inner force" as within a belief that there is a force separate from me, that I must find within myself and use, instead of realizing myself as one and equal with the force as myself, and thus realize that it isn't a separate force that must be found within myself but rather it is I that I mist find within self honesty, and within realizing myself as who I am and what I have become, to from knowing myself become the strength of me as me, not in separation, but as the living expression as me.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to push myself beyond my comfort zone, to push myself through the resistance, and within this allowing the force of the mind, as resistance to movement, to direct and control me, to force me into stagnation, not realizing that the force of the mind is in fact using my force as myself as my physical body, and thus, it's the greatest self manipulation / deception, as I am avoiding using my force on the one hand, and on the other hand my force is being used against me as my mind as resistance as myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that in every moment of every breath I am in fact making a choice, I am either directing myself or allowing myself to be directed by the mind as following my feelings / emotions / thoughts / beliefs / fears / resistances and so on, and within allowing myself to be directed and controlled by the mind, as the choice I make in each moment, I am allowing myself to exist in consequences where I, and others, pay the price for my actions and words
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am not changing because it is time for action yet I am not taking action, and thus I am allowing myself to exist in inner conflict as I know what I must do yet I don't allow myself to do it as practical physical application, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, when opportunity presents itself, as an opportunity I can walk out of my pattern as giving up / procrastination / self judgment and so on, instead of standing up within myself, I allow myself to give up once again, knowing in full awareness that I am harming myself, knowing in full awareness that I am going against myself, yet I do not stand and do not walk the practical application
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately give myself excuses and justifications and reasons and distractions as to not do that which I know I must do, to not dedicate in practicality to that which I know I must dedicate myself to - and thus, with every moment of every day I am allowing myself to drift further away from myself as myself in self honesty, as I grow the gap between myself as who I am and myself as who I want to become as self expression of self honesty and self responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself deliberately as I see an opportunity of change and don't take it, and as I see it pass by me I take into consideration and calculate the price I will pay as self judgment, though I do not allow myself to see the entire picture, and so I am blinded by self interest within making the short term calculation of "oh, then I will not apply myself now and will experience some self judgment, I can take it" not seeing that it's not all about how I will experience myself for a few moments, because every moment that I allow myself to be directed by the mind I weaken myself as life, I abuse myself as life, I disregard myself as life, and thus I allow within my acceptance for all to participate in such construct, as I give my permission through my example of disregarding / abusing / weakening life itself - and so, I make my decision based on short sighted self interest, not allowing myself to see and realize the actual consequences of my participation within giving up as self diminishment - not even seeing the actual harm and abuse I am causing myself, never mind any body else - and so I make this decision blinded, within ignorance is bliss, but within myself in self honesty I know I must stand up for life as myself, though I am too careless to care enough about myself or anyone in existence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, over the years, program myself to such an extent of enslavement to the mind, as to not care about myself or anything / anyone in existence, to not care for life, and so, I exist only within self interest of the mind, pretending to care, pretending to be good, when I do not even allow myself to do the one most basic thing as to care for myself, to look after myself in self respect self honor and self dignity, within living as an example of self responsibility in self honesty - where, as long as I can't live as self expression of self care / honor / respect, how can I ever believe myself to be anything but self interest and pure evil - just as a mother that will not care or her children, abuse them and disregard their life - as that mother towards her child - I am towards myself - and it is equally unacceptable and a reflection of the evil ways of self interest.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to come to this conclusion time and time again, yet, when the point is here for me to stand up for myself, to stand up and support myself through self corrective application, as to write myself out, to self investigate any reaction that come up within me, to forgive myself and correct myself in breath - when these opportunities arrive, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to direct myself to walk these points, but instead to ignore them as myself time and time again, not realizing that I am deeming myself into a time lop, as the point will be walked sooner or later, and thus, every time I miss the opportunity I am simply delaying the next point to open up, while inviting this one to open up with greater force
I realize I have been avoiding looking at the specifics of this point, as opening up the dimensions as the actual back chat, thoughts, imaginations, connection, definitions, fears - all points as the specific mind components that have been building up this point of giving up, as not applying myself, as self sabotaging my process, and so, I commit myself to walk this point through in all it's dimensions, because I realize that without seeing all the small details of this point I will not be able to free myself from it.
To be continued
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Sunday, March 17, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blog:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
A must hear:
Where does Self-Judgment come from – from the World around us, or from our own Imaginations?
Has your Self Image negatively influenced your life? Here we discuss How Self Judgment takes over every aspect of your Life, Thoughts and experiences.
Why would we say things to ourselves that we would never dare to say to another?
Why do we feel like we deserve to be punished through our own self judgment and how does the media contribute to this feeling?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a priority list and then spend my time doing other things for my enjoyment as entertainment / socializing and not get to the priority list that I have made for myself as self support in directing myself to know what I need to do, thus existing in separation within and as myself as, in one moment I am directive and place my tasks nicely prioritized in a list, and the next moment I ignore it, as myself, completely, and don't do that which I intended to do, but instead occupy myself with other stuff, just wasting the minutes of the day away, to then suddenly "remember" that I had made this list and didn't attend to it, and so I judge myself and experience a low as feeling bad for not doing what I intended to do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a split personality, in separation of / as myself, where in one moment I am here, I know what I need to do, I know what must be done, I know how I want to direct myself, and then, the next moment I completely disregard myself and the tasks that I have decided to attend to, and do "what I feel like" as satisfying my momentary desire / laziness to then once the moment has past, to regret losing all this time, in realizing that I cannot get this time back, and feel bad for wasting another day of not walking in the path I had intended for myself, but rather allowed myself to be distracted, fooled, by the mind as desire / distractions / laziness, thus, not allowing myself to actually follow through within / as self direction, but always intending to direct myself but then giving up and following my mind.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand the extent of self sabotage within allowing myself to continue participating within / as this construct, where I experience a high as I am making the decision to walk and do specific tasks that I have placed as priority, and then experience indifference as I follow the mind as avoidance / distraction as to not do that which I intended to do, to then experience a low as feeling bad, guilty and ashamed for not following through with what I had decided / committed myself to do, within creating another experience as another layer of belief that I am not good enough, am incapable, am inadequate and so on…
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that as long as I allow myself to follow the energetic addiction of the mind, as allowing myself to go through energetic ups and downs, I will never be self directive, I will never be able to trust myself, for as long as I follow the energy I am living only as self interest, when in fact I am not even serving my own interest, because it always ends in feeling bad about myself, and so I allow myself to follow the momentary self interest just like a junky wanting to get another hit from their drug, to then crash, feel I miserable, to then after the low has past, to forget the cycle and go through it all over again, like a rat in a wheel, running in the same spot for ever and ever, never accomplishing anything and not knowing how to get myself out of this loop.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not know how to get out of this loop, when in fact I do know, and thus I am only using the belief of "I don’t know how" as another form of self manipulation to keep myself trapped in this cycle of self misery and underachievement / accomplishment, not in my own best interest in common sense as an actual practical decision made in stability, but rather as an addict, making the decision to hit again, even though I know the consequences will be of self abuse and suffering, as regret and shame, yet I continue and ignore myself, disregarding myself as a living being that deserves to enjoy life, to honor and respect myself, and continue following the path of the drug, in total self sabotage, braking myself down one piece at a time, instead of supporting myself to build myself up, to stand up within and as myself, to be all that I can be, to make a directive decision and walk it, to build self trust, self honor and self respect.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an entire relationship construct to the pattern of not following up on my commitments, and thus, not only to exist within and as the one pattern, but now to exist as two, as one pattern birth another pattern, as I give life to my patterns and allow them, as myself, to reproduce, instead of stopping the patterns within the realization that they do not support me, but rather harm and abuse me, and thus, to stop my participation within them, through writing daily, applying self forgiveness and correcting myself first in writing as practical application statements, and then in physicality to actually walk the correction.
I experience the self empowerment within writing, when and as I write, I experience myself seeing more clearly, seeing how I am harming myself - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deprive myself this self support as writing, where I realize that the more I write the more clearly I see, the more clearly I will be able to live as myself - I have placed writing on top of my priority list and thus have been resisting doing it, always looking for other activities to occupy myself with, until it's so late and I'm tired, and all that is left of the day if for me to write just the very minimum and promise myself I will continue tomorrow, just to follow it up with the same pattern
I have come to realize that I have created a resistance to "priority list" as if I have defined it within myself as in relation to work, to bad things one should avoid, I have connected "priority list" with responsibility, and responsibility to being an adult, and being an adult as not having fun and enjoying life - when in fact I know that the more I allow myself to live as self direction I will enjoy myself more, because I will trust myself and respect myself and stop myself from falling each time over again in the trap of guilt, shame and regret.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect "priorities" to something that must be avoided, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically resist my priorities even though I have decided to them in clarity and stability, yet within the automated resistance I do not allow myself to follow myself, but rather I follow the resistance - because it is momentarily easier, though I know in the long run it creates much distress in my life. So silly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the connection between priorities and avoidance, as to exist within a constant competition with myself, as who will run faster, me or my priority, as I chase it and it, as the resistance, runs away - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make a game out of running away from my responsibilities / priorities, as if there is something cool about it - where I realize I have created an idea within myself about the "bad guys", probably from movies, where I have created a belief that those that do what they want in the moment and disregard everything, are actually free and "know how to live in the moment", when in fact I have got it all in reverse - living in the moment is being one with myself in every moment, and not existing in constant inner conflict where in every moment self experience / desire something else and then self chases self's desires all the time, believing self to be "living the moment" when in fact not one moment is being actually lived, because it is always interrupted by the next one and next one… and life goes on, and one has never been one with / as self - it's rather sad - yet, I have believe it to be the way I want to live - no responsibility, no care, no worries - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that responsibility / care is something to avoid, that it will take away my freedom, but what kind of freedom do I have when I cannot even chose to do anything and actually follow through? And what kind of life would I live if I don't allow myself to care for anything, including myself, just because I don't want to "pay the price" of taking responsibility and actually accomplishing / achieving something in my life, from the perspective, that any form of self expression, as creation can only happen with self care, and with following through - I must care enough to finish that which I've started, no matter how small or big the task / project may be, I must take responsibility, not as a "bad thing" within judging all responsibilities as something bad and limiting, but as a way to experience completion, as to start something and to follow it through into completion.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge all priorities / responsibilities as something bad that exists in contradiction to my freedom, not realizing that as long as I allow myself to be trapped within this self judgment I am not free, as I cannot even decide for myself to follow through with anything, because each moment I realize "oh, I have made a commitment towards something, now it has become a priority / responsibility" at that very moment I back off and begin avoiding - what kind of freedom is that if I am not free to direct myself in freedom?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow the thoughts of "oh, I have made a commitment towards something, now it has become a priority / responsibility" within the belief that priority / responsibility is something to avoid, and thus whenever I realize I have decided on something I automatically go into resistance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a self sabotaging robot, where the moment I realize I have decided, and made a commitment towards something I automatically back off and brake my own word to myself, and within participating in the resistance I am actually creating the task / priority / responsibility to become something that is hard to walk, to complete, because I have just created a resistance around it, I have made it difficult - where as without participating in the resistance, it is simply a task, no judgment necessary, simply something that needs to be done, and within breath just walk it, step by step into it's completion.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Monday, March 11, 2013
Going through some memories, I have noticed a pattern of allowing myself to be the butt of the joke, presenting myself as being cool about it and laughing with everybody, while actually taking it personally, though not daring to express this, because I so desire to fit in and be accepted as one of the group, I thus suppress myself in self judgment and instead accept and allow this to continue, allowing myself to experience myself as being abused again and again, when all along I am the one abusing myself through judging myself for taking it personally and yet allowing the situation where I experience myself being abused to continue, and not making a stand to stop it, not stopping it within myself as to not take it personally, and not stopping it without as not accepting words / behavior that are of an abusive nature.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be called by nick names within a starting point of the idea that nick names are endearing, and thus, within the desire to be accepted and loved I will allow to be named by nick names even when they are abusive in nature from the perspective of them putting me down - within this I realize that no name can put me down, and any experience of being put down by a demeaning nick name is a reflection of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as inferiority, within this I realize that my reaction to any given nick name is a window of opportunity for me to explore the reaction, forgive myself and let go the construct, as inferiority, that I am showing myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself, when given a nick name that does not stand in equality to me, as it is an expression of superiority / inferiority within it's starting point as expressing diminishment / belittlement, to stand up and stop participation within and as the nick name, as to ask the person to stop using this name, and to stop laughing from the name - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, even when I have realized the nick name does not stand within equality, within it being an expression of diminishment / belittlement, to continue allowing it, and continue participating with it - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow and participate with the given nick name within a starting point of wanting to be accepted, within the idea that it isn't cool to take such things personally, and I am better off laughing with them, and presenting myself as if I don't care, in order to gain their acceptance, and not cause friction / conflict within standing up and asking / demanding them to stop using such a demeaning name.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with and allow being given an abusive nick name within the starting point of wanting to seem cool, as if I don't mind and am not taking it personally, within this not standing in equality within and as myself, but rather trying to be and present myself as that which I am not, within this not realizing that by doing so I am suppressing myself and in fact not accepting myself in the moment of taking it personally, thus separation myself form the experience of taking it personally and deeming it as "bad" / "wrong", not realizing that only through allowing myself to be one with that which I am, will I be able to walk a process of self introspection, self investigation, taking self responsibility into self change, into true self acceptance - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by not allowing myself to admit even to myself that I am taking it personally, I am robbing myself the opportunity to self investigate in self honesty why I am taking it personally, as the first step in the path for self change as to eventually not take such things personally as I will know who I am and will not be moved by such mockery.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by allowing myself to be named in diminishing nick names in order to be accepted, I am diminishing myself - as I am compromising myself as equal within the desire to be accepted at any cost, and thus I place myself as less than the group in order to experience myself fitting in within the idea that standing up for myself will not be accepted by them, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief / notion, that to be accepted into a group I must first stand in humbleness, but I have defined humbleness as weakness / inferior, and thus believed that I must stand in inferiority in order to be accepted, as to not threaten anyone, as to not be intimidating, and within this I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by doing so I am not allowing myself to express myself and thus whether they accept me or not, it isn't me that they are accepting but rather a character I have created as myself, an illusion of myself, and thus I am placing myself in a position, that I must maintain my deceptive character in order to maintain the relationship that has been based on my own deception, yet I cherish it in the desire to be accepted at any cost.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify using abusive nick names as being a joke, even though I know that the starting point of such names is abusive, and thus not acceptable, I realize that I have used nick names towards others from a starting point of diminishing them, and have justified them to myself as being innocent, while in fact it was not, it is an expression of evil and must be stopped, from both my participation as the giver of the nick name and the receiver - such silent and seemingly innocent abuse must be directed and stopped, as it is unacceptable.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be seen as easy going and cool, thus, within existing as and maintaining this personality I have not allowed myself to stand up and expose this hidden abuse that is existent within and as such nick names -not standing up in self interest of not wanting to ruin the image of being easy going and cool, within believing that only through presenting myself as this personality will I be accepted, within a belief that once accepted by the group I will be safe from being called names any more, as I will be one of them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept shit thrown my way, whether it is done deliberately or not, within wanting to maintain an easy going / cool image, within hiding the fact that I am taking it personally and would like it to stop - within this, I realize that it is my responsibility to investigate any reaction I have towards a name or a behavior towards me, but I also have a responsibility to support myself and others by standing as the voice of reason / common sense and showing that what we are busy with is abusive and uncalled for, and simply evil - and thus must stop as I will not allow myself to participate in the structure of being deliberately evil and cruel towards each other.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in activities that I do not stand with / as in self honesty, such as giving / receiving abusive nicknames, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by participating within an activity that I do not stand with / as in self honesty I am compromising myself within accepting and allowing back chat as self doubt to come up within me, questioning the decision to participate, not realizing that a self honest decision was never made, because it was made in self interest and fear - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in and accept activities I do not stand with / as in self honest from the starting point of fear of losing the acceptance of others and fear of missing out on the fun, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in activities due to fear and not based on my self honest evaluation of the activity within deciding whether I stand by / with it or not, thus allowing myself to be directed and motivated by fear instead of principle, compromising myself and others from the perspective of allowing myself to exist in a way that cannot be trusted, as I can be manipulated / persuaded to do anything that is not aligned with common sense, as the principle of what is best for all life. Within this I realize that any activity I participate within, I am equal to, and thus I must push myself to stop following the mind's temptation as motivation of fear / desire, but instead to walk in alignment to the principle of equality, to participate in that which is aligned in common sense as what is best for all life, and not participate in that which I will stand in shame knowing that I have done so within a starting point of self interest / fear / desire, and not of principle.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto memories of being bullied and use such memories to exist in blame towards those who bullied me, not seeing my part / responsibility of the situation as I have allowed it within wanting to seem cool, or simply within fear of standing up for myself, or within an acceptance of being bullied - within all points I am equally responsible for accepting and allowing such bullying to take place, towards myself and towards others
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto memories of me bullying others, and use such memories to exist in guilt and shame, instead of realizing that guilt and shame do not change me and will not prevent me from doing it again if not directed through self investigation by writing and self forgiveness to get to the understanding of why I have been as I was and thus through understanding to walk a process of self correction - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by existing in guilt / shame as a self inflicted punishment within self judgment I am bullying myself and thus still giving my allowance and participation of the construct of bullying .
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to memories of either being bullied or bullying others, within allowing myself to exist in an energetic experience of blame / self victimization or guilt / shame - both sides of the same polarity created through my participation within and as the construct of bullying, not realizing that the first / basic point is self bullying which I am accepting and allowing through self judgment instead of applying practical application and self change - holding onto the memory instead of changing myself to live as principle of equality as what is best for all life, and thus make sure that I will never again accept any bullying towards others or myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory of participating in an activity within a starting point of fear / desire and not of principle, thus allowing myself to, within awareness, participate in an activity that I do not stand one and equal with, yet through my participation I am standing one and equal with, and thus exist within inner conflict / friction - creating a situation for myself that as a platform for back chat and self judgment as self sabotage, instead of stopping myself within breath from participating and being directed by fear / desire, and pushing myself to stand by / as the principle of equality for life, within realizing that only when / as I stand by / as this principle will I build myself as self trust, self honor and self respect - any thing else that is not aligned within self honesty will inevitably lead to self judgment / guilt / shame, which then will lead to a life of suffering and justification to ease my mind as I manipulate myself to forget / hide the actuality of my actions, and thus separate myself from myself further and further, to the point of not knowing myself, and only exist as justification instead of self honesty, in equality and oneness within and as myself as who I am as life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the pattern of accepting abuse within the desire of being accepted, and thus on the other hand, fear of being rejected, not realizing that I am abusing myself within allowing others to abuse me, and I am within that standing as an example that self abuse is accepted and allowed, as I am one with and equal to it within my acceptance and participations.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as the pattern of not standing up for myself within the desire to seem cool, and thus, within fear of seeming like I am taking things too personally, within this I am depriving myself the opportunity to walk my process in self honesty, as at the moment I am taking the abuse / words towards me personally.
support yourself through practical education – in relation to bullying here are some recommendations:
Sunette - Children and Bullying - Practical Solutions
and on EQAFE
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Sunday, February 17, 2013
I'm continuing the point that opened up in my blog yesterday, please read it for context if you haven’t already - Day 160 – A life changing Decision
I experience shame - shame for not having the integrity to push myself regardless of having that financial safety net - I enslaved myself to my money through allowing myself to limit myself and not explore myself but instead hide behind the convenience of not having to push myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame, instead of investigating in self honesty what is the shame showing me within and as myself, and to commit myself to change and align myself to/as a principle I can stand as, to never experience shame again
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame for not having the integrity to push myself regardless of having a financial safety net
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my financial safety net as an excuse from exploring myself, expanding myself and allowing myself to actually live, instead of using my financial advantage to my advantage and actually put it in good use, instead I have allowed myself to fear losing it, and to lean on it as a crutch, thus limiting myself and creating over time a self belief of inadequacy
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the experience of shame is showing me what I have done, as I have allowed myself to limit myself, as I have allowed myself to create myself as self limitation in fear, instead of standing stable within and as myself and building self trust, self respect, self honor and self dignity by being all that I can be, by pushing myself to live fully, but instead I have built self doubt through accumulating justification for "not doing", not expanding, not exploring
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame instead of stopping the shame and correcting myself as seeing what I have accepted and allowed myself, as I have allowed myself to give up on myself, to close myself off in fear of falling and thus, have not allowed myself to learn to walk , and to commit myself to never again, to face my fears, to walk through them standing up and stable, because ei realize that either I direct myself or I will allow myself to be directed by my fears, and I realize that by allowing myself to be directed by my fears I am giving my power away, time and time again, until I reach the point of shame, because I see what I have done, and I see I could have done it differently, but it's too late, because the past cannot be changed, time cannot be turned back, and thus, the only practical solution is to commit myself to never again - thus, I commit myself to not allow myself to make decisions in regards what I do or don't do based in financial fear, I commit myself to let go the emotions I have attached to the situation through self forgiveness and writing, and to through common sense find what is the practical thing to do, I commit myself to not allow myself to fight for my limitations, as I have used all the excuses to not do things based on self beliefs that I am inadequate, not giving myself the chance to prove me wrong.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on trying and dedicating myself to a project because I had a financial safety net, and thus I have never allowed myself to discover what I can do, what I enjoy doing, where I can contribute, because I have always allowed myself to stop when things got hard, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing to leave my comfort zone, because I could afford not to, not realizing that only outside of my comfort zone will I face myself and be able to grow and expand, as I try new things and explore myself within them
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in shame because I realize I have never trusted myself enough to let myself make mistakes, and thus have limited myself and prevented myself from growing.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself in fear of falling, making a mistake and failing, within fear of survival as the back chat in my mind as "what if I loose all my money, and cannot provide for myself?" - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow and participate with this back chat, not realizing and seeing that it is this following the back chat that is the point of self sabotage, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe this back chat to be me and thus, to follow it as if I am giving myself some good advise, though I have never questioned where this back chat is coming from and why it is not actually supporting me in living out myself in my true and full potential, but is always diminishing me - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as self diminishment, and to accept myself as self diminishment through unquestionable believing and following my mind as back chat and self diminishing thoughts
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave myself to my money through allowing myself to limit myself and not explore myself but instead hide behind the convenience of not having to push myself because "I have money, I am fine, I don't need to work hard".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a polarity between money and work, and thus believe that because I have money I don’t have to work, thus not realizing that I have defined money as good and worked as bad, instead of realizing that it is actually the other way around, as I have allowed money to limit my self expression, and haven't allowed myself to explore myself in/as work because I have defined it as bad / not preferred, and thus have been avoiding it, with money being the justification as to why I can allow myself to avoid work
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame, and within that to want to hide myself as to not reveal / exposed that which I am ashamed of and judge as myself, thus I have build up excuses and justification as to why I am "not successful" amongst them being a self belief that I am inadequate, that something is wrong with me, instead of seeing that the real point is that I simply didn't want to take myself out of my comfort zone, as I didn't want to inconvenience me, not realizing that only outside the comfort zone can I expand, and that only through inconvenience can I learn new things and grow
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame based on memories of the past, as I have defined myself according to what I have or haven't done in the past and thus within judging myself I experience shame, as I see in self honesty that what I have or haven't done is unacceptable and doesn't stand as life, within the principle of equality, within self respect and self honor, and thus instead of standing up within / as myself and stopping / changing myself to align myself within / as the principle of equality, and live as the expression of self respect and self honor, I have allowed myself to exist in shame, beating myself up for what I have done in the past, that which I cannot change as it is done with, thus, within this, I realize the experience of shame is a gift, showing me to myself within allowing myself to look in vulnerability what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as, but in the very moment of seeing shame as an energetic experience is no longer supportive, but is a point of self sabotage as it justifies self judgment instead of looking for solutions and corrections, thus, when and as I experience myself going into shame, I commit myself to stop myself and breathe, to practically investigate in self honesty and direct myself within self forgiveness and corrective statement to walk in a way that will honor myself as life, as the principle of equality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame for not being financial independent, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself and judge myself according to whether I have been financially independent, and within this giving the highest value to financial independence, and thus diminishing myself to one aspect and judging myself accordingly, instead of supporting myself to grow within it and equalizing myself to and as that aspect, within investigating why have I not been financial independent and finding practical ways to support myself to change, instead of judging myself as an expression of the belief that it is who I am
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame because I was born to a financially stable family, and have not yet "made something out of myself" according to how I perceive and understand the system's definition of being a success, and thus, I experience shame that I have not made it even though I had all the opportunity, within this, I compare myself to those that were born to poverty and experience shame and guilt for having taking for ranted the life that I had while they had to struggle in poverty, within this I realize that the guilt and shame are a cover up, an excuse and justification to not stand up and change the inequality I see within the system, as I give myself a free ticket out through experiencing the burden of shame and guilt - no, I will not allow this, I realize shame and guilt have a role by showing me to myself though, holding onto them is self manipulation within self interest, as if to say "look I feel so bad about it, let me do nothing about it because my bad feeling is enough of a burden" - I commit myself to stop myself from going into and holding onto the experience of shame and guilt in regards to taking my life for granted, and instead to apply myself and become the persona that I can be, to stand in equality to the principle of equality, and this starts with myself, as allowing myself to be equal to myself and not less than who I really am, which is what I've been allowing all my life, and thus the shame for not actually living, even though I apparently had the circumstances to do so, what I didn't have is myself, to push myself to become myself in self honesty
I realize shame is a point of self support, it is a gift as it can be a point of transformation - I realize I mustn't hold on to the shame in energy and allow the shame to become an energetic experience as a form of self abuse and self punishment, but rather allow myself to investigate the point in clarity and stability, within allowing myself to see that which I, as the shame, am showing myself, and then, within what I find in self honesty, to forgive myself unconditionally within realizing that the past cannot be changed, it can only become a platform for self transformation and self correction.
When and as I see myself going into shame, I stop myself and breathe, I write out the experience and find it's source within self honesty, as I investigate and ask myself why am I experiencing shame, what have I done or didn't do that I have come to experience shame, and once I find the point, I write it out and commit myself to change within finding practical applications as self support to help me through the point to never again allow myself to relive this point of shame.
I realize I have been participating in a pattern of giving up on myself, not trusting myself, and excusing myself with not having to push myself through the effort / difficulty / resistance due to not having to support myself financially - thus, I commit myself to, from now on, not allow myself to give up on myself based on "I don't have to do this" I commit myself to establish common sense through writing the points out, and making sure I am not fighting for my limitations, that I am not justifying doing / not doing based on self diminishment and fear of failure, when and as I see myself going into the pattern of self diminishment and fear of failure I stop myself and breathe and push myself to deliberately do that which I resist doing, to prove to myself that I am not limited by the ideas I have created of myself within the mind trying to "protect" myself, while all along limiting myself from expanding, learning and living.
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Wednesday, January 30, 2013
this is continuing my previous blogs
Day 143 – Inadequacy
Day 144 - Inadequacy - a child gymnast
Day 145 - Inadequacy - Child's Play
Day 147 - Inadequacy - forgiving childhood play time
Day 148 - Inadequacy - Reading difficulties
Day 149 - Inadequacy – Self Created Reading Difficulties
Day 150 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food
Yesterday I wrote a blog about my cooking day, which I spent most of it in my mind in worry and stress, today I will dive into the specifics to support myself in seeing the actual minute points I had participated in, to make sure I can stand in breath next time I face such points - i start with the section of the day that i was preparing wraps
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to buy the flour within a starting point of wanting the flour to be more special than just regular whole wheat flour, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to buy something without doing the research as to be sure I know what it is that I'm buying, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to purchase a product within the starting point of an energetic experience as the desire / excitement of it being special, within this I realize when I approach anything within energy I am paving the way towards consequences, as I have created an energetic attachment towards the product and thus experience myself as if I have something to lose if / when it turns out to be not to my satisfaction, as a pose to purchasing a product within the clear starting point of practicality and thus not opening the door to unnecessary attachment and energy within finding out that the product is not exactly what I had wanted / expected it to be
When and as I purchase any product I make sure to investigate it as to know practically what it is that I am buying, within this I realize that any purchase done within energy, as excitement or desire to be special, is unnecessary and done as self sabotage as it prepares the way towards stress / expectation / disappointment, within this, when and as I see myself making a purchase within energy, I stop myself and breathe, I consider the practical points and make an informed decision within breath as stability and not allowing myself to be directed by energy as excitement and / or desire to be special, thus, I commit myself to consider the practicality of the product, the price, the quality, and not feed in to any desire that might come up within it - when and as I see a desire / excitement come up, I stop myself and breathe, I let go the energetic attachment towards the product and see it as it as within it's simple practicality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, when making the wraps, within discovering that the flour is not what I thought it was and is not as suitable for wraps, to go into an experience of self bullying as was giving myself a hard time for making a mistake and buying the unsuitable flour, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hard on myself as a form of self punishment, instead of simply learning from it as to make sure that next time I don't buy something just because it seams more special, but rather do the research and buy something that is suitable for the meal
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, within making wraps, to go into worst case scenario, as projecting / imagining that the wraps will be a flop because of the wrong flour that I got, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within this experience of anticipating the worst case scenario instead of simply being here in breath and doing what I can do in the moment, here, with what I have, within committing myself to learn for the next time how to improve, correct and prefect myself whether or not my expectations were met or not, regardless of the outcome I can always investigate myself within the point and learn from it - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a state of expecting the worst instead of walking breath by breath in self trust and facing whatever comes along when it actually comes, I realize future projections and expecting the worst are unnecessary, as I realize that by expecting the worst I am allowing myself to exist in an energetic experience that possesses me as it compounds more and more as long as I participate with it, and then whatever the outcome may be I am depleted and exhausted due to have given myself away to the energy of the mind and thus I feel like crap, instead of remaining stable in breath and facing what comes, when it comes, in self trust, self directiveness and stability within breath.
When and as I realize I have made a mistake, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to go into projections of worst case scenarios, I do not allow myself to blame myself as a form of self punishment as I'm giving myself a hard time for making a mistake, instead I work with what is here and make the best for it within committing myself to learning from my mistake for the next time
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stress out because I have given value to the meal I was preparing as I was making it within the energetic desire of wanting to please everyone, I wanted them to enjoy the meal, I wanted to get a "tap on my back" as everyone enjoys what I had made for them, and thus, within this desire I have allowed myself to stress about the meal within fear as "what if something goes wrong" instead of allowing myself to enjoy myself within the process as I prepare the meal and simple walk breath by breath, no energetic expectation / desires, as I realize these desires all present themselves as "I'm a good and caring person" but in fact they are all self interest from the perspective of the desire to please and being seen as good and receiving positive reinforcement, thus, when and as I'm preparing a big meal and see myself going into energy as desire to please and expectations of myself to serve a high standard, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here, I commit myself to simply make the food, breath by breath, to the best of my ability within using and working with what is here, and not allowing myself to fall into energy as I have proven to myself that when going into energy I am depleting myself from my power, I am giving myself away, I am not here in the moment but am busy in my mind in energy as desire / expectation / stress / worry, I realize there is no practical point for doing so, but the contrary, I realize it is self abusing self sabotaging and distracting, along with, as I allow myself to experience myself in this energy all I see is my goal, thus I separate myself from everything and everyone and thus create unnecessary friction and conflict as I move through out my day in energy.
Thus, within preparing a meal for others, when and as I see myself going into energy of pleasing / expectation / worry / stress, as trying to make the meal for "their" enjoinment, I stop myself and breathe, I remind myself that the energy is always hidden self interest and never for the best interest of the group nor myself really, and within that I realize that any stress / worry / expectation / desire is showing me that I am in fact preparing myself for a failure within existing I fear and self doubt, experienced as fear of judgment / criticism / failure, and thus, I commit myself to when seeing myself going into fear of judgment / criticism / failure as I am preparing a meal for others within the starting point as expectation and desire to please, I stop myself and breathe, I focus on the physical reality, I focus on my physical body, I focus on the practical steps I must take, I focus on the practicality of my responsibility - in this case to feed every body properly - I realize that the energy I am participating in, as the desire to please others, is not a practical nor necessary part of the equation, and thus should and must be let go of, as to prevent the outflow of such energy as I experienced the other day as stress, worry, inner friction and conflict that cause external friction and conflict. Within this I realize that all the steps I took to prepare the meal could have been done without energy, and I could have actually enjoyed myself through out the day as I prepare this meal, instead of existing in my mind as energy and missing out on all the fun of making dinner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, within believing that I had had made a mistake, to judge myself and blame myself for fucking up, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view myself through tunnel vision, as a very narrow perspective of myself and my actions - I realize that within blaming myself for my mistake I am blinding myself to the practical steps I have been physically taking and thus, not actually seeing me for who I am in my totality through how I am walking this point, but only focus on what I have done wrong, as I magnify it and believe it to be all of myself. I realize self blame is abusive and un just from perspective that it allows me to hate myself instead of support myself in seeing all aspects of myself as what I must maintain and expand on and what of myself must be change and corrected, not as a point of right and wrong as a polarity, but simply allowing myself to see who I really am, to change what must be changed as it is self sabotaging, self abusive and counter productive, and to keep that which is good, effective, practical and supportive - in other words to see myself for who I really am, to give myself credit for where I've been practical and effective.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience resistance towards writing about myself that I have done things in practicality and effectiveness, as to see that I have done something "right", I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and truly accept / believe myself as the character of a inadequate / failure to such an extent that it's uncomfortable for me to recognize aspects about myself that I am actually improving in or good / effective at, or to acknowledge simple tasks that I am doing correctly - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to tap myself on my own back, to give myself credit, to respect, to honor and to value myself, and thus I exist within the desire of being validated by others, as I believe / experience myself as I require the respect, value and honor of others as I have not allowed myself to give it to myself - I forgive myself for even now as I am writing this there is an experience within me of "not wanting to make a big deal out of what I did right, because it's so simple and can / should be disregarded" - within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only focus on what I'm doing wrong in self hatred instead of also seeing that which I'm improving in, and changing within - I hadn't realized how deep this point goes, as I have created and accepted myself as the character of failure / inadequacy to such an extent that it's hard for me to say that I'm not all bad.
I commit myself to take notice throughout my day of things I am good at, to acknowledge aspects of myself that I want to maintain and expand within, as well as aspects of myself I would like to correct and improve, I commit myself to see myself in my totality and not focus only on the bad / defective / inferior / inadequate aspects of myself, but instead to make an effort and realize myself as who I really am, and not be content with the narrow, tunnel version of myself, fed to me by my mind and accepted as myself in self diminishment.
When and as I see myself going into self blame / judgment as believing I am only wrong, that all I do is wrong, I stop myself from participating in the mind as back chat / thoughts / self judgment / emotions, and breathe, I realize that this is a narrow view, looking through a tunnel while hiding from myself the totality of myself and painting a "dark" picture from a starting point of creating energy as inner friction / conflict, thus, I commit myself, when I see myself going into self blame / judgment, to within breath, investigate in self honesty what are the mistakes that I have mis-taken that need be learnt from and corrected, and what are the points within which I was effective, directive and supportive, points that need be learnt from in order to maintain and expand within, I commit myself to do so as a practical process of evaluating where I can learn from my mistakes as to turn them into gifts of self expansion
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Wednesday, January 2, 2013
This is a continuation from my previous blogs:
Day 129 – Self Judgment – Part 1
Day 130 - Self judgment - Part 2 – Appearance
Day 131 - Self judgment - Part 3 – Appearance - Part 2
and for those that are interested in further self support in regards to self image please visit this blog, as it is walked through is specificity, self honesty, and self support: http://malingunilla.blogspot.com
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in self rejection/hatred due to not living up to the ideal image I have created in my mind, and thus allow myself to abuse myself through self rejection/hatred due to not looking like an image, not realizing that within doing so I am diminishing myself as a living multidimensional being into a one dimensional image, and within diminishing myself to a one dimensional image judge myself as not looking like the image in my mind, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am not an image, and I am not defined by the way I look but rather by who I am within myself, within my application, within who I am in my relationship to myself as my physical body, and not what my physical body looks like, thus if I accept and allow myself to judge myself for my appearance, that is who I am, equal to my acceptance and allowance as self judgment, as separation of myself as my physical body - thus, I realize it's not about changing my appearance, but rather changing my relationship to and as myself, to become the living expression of self acceptance, of self love, of self honor and self respect, to become one and equal to and as my physical body
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore my physical body as a living being, as the chamber that allows me life within the obsession of my appearance, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be grateful and honor my physical body unconditionally as the chamber in which I live in, as what allows me my physical existence in the physical, and instead I have only judged it within my desire to look a certain way and my physical body not molding itself into my desire, within this I realize that my physical body is real, here as the physical, where as my desire to look a certain way is based on the mind as an illusion, as the acceptance of a beaut ideal that has not passed the test of time, as it changes in each generation, in every new trend and fashion, thus, I realize that my body not molding itself into my desire has given me the opportunity to see my desire for what it is, to realize that I have been existing in my mind as the obsession as self judgment towards my appearance, as creating inner conflict and friction in my life, and within seeing this through the support of my physical body as not following my desire I can now change myself within taking self responsibility for who I am, and stopping myself as the mind, as the illusions my desires have been following.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within believing I should look like the image in my mind, I have validated and supported and justified through my acceptance and allowance the existence eating disorders which are actually a reflection of myself as I do not accept myself within and as my physical body, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my self judgment within the fact that I do not have an eating disorder because I have never crossed that line, but I haven't realized that I am participating in the same construct as I do not allow myself to accept myself as the physical body I exist within as do beings with an actual extensive eating disorder, thus, by participating in self judgment towards my physical appearance I am in fact participating in and validating eating disorders.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see my physical body through the eyes but through the mind, as the eyes see without judgment while the mind interprets and places judgment within self interest as a way to blind self from actually seeing through the eyes the physical reality which is here, as the mind act in self interest in disregard of the physical body and the physical existence as a whole and thus exists as self judgment to create inner friction and conflict to generate energy consumed from the physical, though this is hidden behind the accepted blinding effect of the mind, as placing the attention on the illusion as appearance instead of reality as what is really going on here on earth, as I have been spending my time caring about my appearance while ignoring the actual atrocities as abuse and suffering that is happening all around me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disease not within concern to my body's functionality, comfort and well being but within concern to my appearance, how will I look like if I have this or that condition, thus having it all in reverse asi have been ignoring what really matters as matter, as the function of the physical, as the condition of the earth while giving all my attention to myself in self interest within the desire to look in a specific way , I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disease from a starting point of fear of judgment due to the consequence of the disease as a change in my appearance while ignoring myself within and as the physical body, as the discomfort, pain, suffering, weakness and within this ignoring all the pain and suffering that exist in the world, within this dismissing the opportunity to heal myself and existence as a whole because I have accepted and allowed myself to put all my attention on what I will look like and what people will think of me as a construct of the mind and not on reality as the physical, not through judging it but through practically considering what is best for all life, including my physical body, and acting on it within self honesty and common sense.
I commit myself to stop my participation with judgment of appearance towards myself and towards others, I commit myself, when and as I see myself going into self judgment or judgment towards others, to stop and breathe, to come back to myself as the physical within and as breath and stop my participation within and as the mind, I commit myself to use the self judgment as an opportunity to return to myself within and as breath, thus, when I see myself in a moment of self judgment, I stop and breathe, I stop the thoughts, I stop the back chat, I return here to and as the physical as myself, and I do this time and time again until self judgment is not directing me as my experience of myself, within this I commit myself to write down to myself the specific back chat and specific self judgment that come up, and to walk a process of self forgiveness in self honesty, within realizing that I am harming myself as the physical body while participating in self judgment, and in that allowing harm and abuse of the physical in all it's dimensions and levels, thus I realize that any change must start with self, and thus I commit myself to through walking the process of writing, self forgiveness and self correction in practicality to be a living example that self judgment can be stopped
Thursday, December 27, 2012
I have an ideal as a list of properties that I believe should be / have, in order for me to be satisfied with myself, and I thus, expect / desire / need myself to match this ideal, as list of properties in order to achieve self acceptance. There is like an invisible scale, like a grading scale where I place myself on the scale, based on how I judge myself according to comparing myself to others - how will I know where to place myself if not in comparison to others in my life whom I've defined as more or les than me in regards to a specific property. Within this I see the illusionary state I have been existing as, where I expect myself to be one thing, as I expect /want myself to be placed high on the grade scale I have invented in my mind, and in self judgment I am never good enough, never holding up to my ideal.
An interesting thing within this is that I was going to say that in reality I am not where I expect myself to be on the grade scale, but in fact in reality, this grade scale doesn't exist - it only exists as the mind's idea and judgment, so it's not even to say that I expect myself to be more than who I am, but judge myself as less - because that would validate the grade system I have created within / as myself, the grade system that I am using as a tool to create inner conflict in my life - what I realize is that who I am will never be defined according to how high I score on some make believe scale, who I am is defined within my relationship to and as myself, within what I accept and allow within and as myself, and at the moment, what I have been allowing myself is to exist in a mind made polarity of expectation and self judgment - I have accepted and allowed myself to be and exist as self judgment, self diminishment, self rejection - I realize that it's not about what it is specifically about myself that I reject, because as long as I accept and allow myself to be and exist as self judgment I will always be able to justify any point of self judgment as valid. I've been looking at and wanting to accept the content / property of myself, when in fact, the point is who I am within the relationship to / with / as myself, regardless of the actual content, thus, despite of how I currently judge myself.
What I mean by this is that looking at the actuality of how good / nice / beautiful / smart / special / effective / clever / insightful / consistent / calm / directive I am, is still within the realm of self judgment, and thus is not valid - any point of quantifying myself is not valid - who I really am as/within self judgment is the fact that I am not equal within and as myself, I am existing within the mind as I have created an ideal based on a value system injected to me by society through my acceptance, and instead of walking my life here, in breath, as unconditional self expression, accepting myself unconditionally as myself as I am life - I have given value to all these things / properties / characters and have allowed myself to exist in separation from / as myself within expectation and judgment.
I realize that as long as I exist in the polarity of expectation and self judgment, no matter what I do, what I look like, how I apply myself, what I say, how I behave... - I will find points judge myself for, because I have been allowing self judgment, as a construct, as a design, to exist within and as myself - I realize that within accepting and allowing self judgment I realize I will never be satisfied with myself, will never be content, will never accept myself unconditionally, within the belief that only if I become more, will I allow myself to rest - but that never happens because there always is another point to judge myself for and expect myself to improve in, and thus it becomes an endless race against myself - instead of realizing that all that I am is here, and all that I must do in order to accept myself is to allow myself to deliberately stop and let go the self judgment and to will /push myself to walk a step by step, practical process into self change - thus, accepting myself not from a starting point of allowing myself to continue as I have been, because I have realized that who I have been in unacceptable, as I have been existing in my mind as self judgment, and completely separated from the reality which is here and cannot be judged in self honesty because it is what it is, and thus, within living in separation from myself within the acceptance of self judgment, I have not really been living - so self acceptance is thus to accept that this is where I am at the moment, this is who I am at the moment - and not judge myself for it, within realizing that judgment is a mind manipulation, getting me to separate from myself even further, instead of embracing myself like a child and supporting myself to learn from my mistakes and assisting myself to change into a living being that is self directive, and exist as self honor, self respect and self trust, and thus to honor, respect and trust all life as life.
But how do I become self acceptance if at the moment I am judging all that I do not accept about myself, I must then allow myself to let go the judgment - fear comes up - why do I experience the self judgment as protecting me in some way which would cause me to fear letting go of it - the point I see as justifying judgment, within the experience that it is protecting me, is from the starting point of if I judge myself I am protecting myself from others judging me, as if, if they see me judging myself they won't need to, they might even take pity on me and show me that I'm not as bad as I believe myself to be, they will even give me positive reinforcement - thus, I see within this that I am using self judgment as emotional manipulation to get positive feedback from others and to avoid negative feedback - I realize I have created myself as the character of self judgment as a defense mechanism, and have been playing the part long enough to believe it to be me in fact, to forget it is just a character that I can stop participating with in any time, as I realize it is causing harm to myself and others.
How do I stop self judgment? The only way to do it, is to simply do it - when and as I see myself go into self judgment as back chat of self judgment come up within me, or back chat of comparison or competition, or when back chat of desires or fantasies come up - I stop myself and breathe, I realize all these back chats are holding within them self judgment, and I do not allow myself to participate with self judgment any more - when self judgment comes up - I stop it immediately, when I see I have fallen into self judgment I stop myself, forgive myself in the very moment, and write out the specific back chat to walk specific forgiveness on each point of self judgment that comes up within me, until I'm done and am no longer enslaved to self judgment.
In the next blogs, I will walk a process of self forgiveness for the specific back chat of self judgment that come up during the day.
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