Showing posts with label reading difficulties. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reading difficulties. Show all posts
Sunday, January 27, 2013
this is continuing my previous blogs
Day 143 – Inadequacy
Day 144 - Inadequacy - a child gymnast
Day 145 - Inadequacy - Child's Play
Day 147 - Inadequacy - forgiving childhood play time
Day 148 - Inadequacy - Reading difficulties
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy reading as a child, but then create a resistance towards reading during school, as I didn't enjoy being forced to read, and thus have created myself as a character of not reading well, not realizing the self sabotage I have been participating in through doing so, as within time I have believed this character to be me, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself and sabotage myself within spitefulness towards teachers and the schooling system, not realizing that I am not punishing them by not reading but am only punishing myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea that reading is for geeks as a point of justification to not read, as another form of separation between me and reading, and thus to resist and avoid reading as I didn't want to be associated with being a geek, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act within a starting point of wanting to be accepted with "the cool kids" and thus, not realizing tat I have created the idea in my mind where I connected reading with not being accepted, and thus have allowed my fear of rejection to direct me and within this to sabotage myself and compromise myself, as I realize now that reading is the most valuable skill ne can have as it enhances ones vocabulary which is directly related to ones ability to express ones self, and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider the simple / physical common sense within reality but instead have allowed myself to be directed by fears, desires, spitefulness and social conformity
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accumulate ideas and beliefs of me being a bad reader and thus believing them to be true as the definition of who I am , to such an extent that when I am faces with articles to read I experience myself going into overwhelming ness and stress, as a form of panic within speaking to myself in my mind the back chat that "it is too much for me to read", as I scroll down and see how many pages I must read, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and exist within fear of words, as all it is is words on paper (or screen) and is by no physical mean scary or dangerous, yet I have allowed myself to exist within and as the character of "I can't read well" that I have created a fear of reading, not realizing that if I eliminate the fear all that is left is words constructed in sentenses and paragraphs to form an idea / concept, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to understand the content of the article / paragraph, as well as fear of not reading fast enough, and thus, every time I sit down to read I have accepted and allowed this back chat and self doubt to come up where instead of supporting myself in focusing and going through the words, sentences, paragraphs, article I panic and all my attention is directed to my fear and self belief that it's too much for me, and then create and manifest that which I fear, as I cannot practically read as long as I am in my mind thinking thoughts and talking with myself as back chat. Thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop the back chat and simply focus on the reading, within realizing that only through actually reading will I be able to understand and walk through the entire text, where as, as long as I participate in the mind I am distracting myself and sabotaging myself from simply sitting and reading physically
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent my friends when they would discuss books they have read because within such conversations, I experienced myself excluded as I have not read the books sand believed I couldn't contribute to the conversation as an equal, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea and a high value around reading and define it as a symbol of intelligence and belonging to certain circles, and thus have experienced myself as inadequate and an outsider once I realized that everyone around me is a "reader", I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to resent my reader friends instead of facing myself within it and realizing that I actually resent myself for making the decision to stop reading for all the "wrong" reasons as I have stopped reading within the starting point of spitefulness and fear
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the inevitable, where one side of the polarity will always "invite" the other side of the polarity, as within the physical law of balance, and thus I have not realized that through creating a resistance towards reading in order to fit in, I have also created and am responsible for the outflow / consequence as manifesting that which I resist, as actually experiencing myself being excluded due to not reading, the very tactic I used for the opposite result.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Friday, January 25, 2013
this is continuing my previous blogs
Day 143 – Inadequacy
Day 144 - Inadequacy - a child gymnast
Day 145 - Inadequacy - Child's Play
Day 147 - Inadequacy - forgiving childhood play time
As I wrote this, it amazed me how I allowed myself to have an actual reading difficulty and haven't taken the responsibility to address it properly. When I was growing up learning disabilities wasn't as popular as it is today, wasn't as known, though within myself I knew that I have a difficulty in reading, yet I didn't take the responsibility to direct it and work at it, any only now through looking at it I can see how much of my experience of inadequacy is related and sourced in the belief that I am a bad reader, and within believing it - living it, instead of pushing myself to transcend and expand myself beyond my self believed limitation, as I've noticed is part of the construct of inadequacy, as once I define myself as inadequate I give up and don't even try, thus ending up creating my own inadequacy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the pattern of inadequacy, where I experience myself as inadequate in comparing myself to others or to an idea I have as to how I am supposed to be in relation to a specific skill, and then, instead of pushing myself to expand and prefect within learning and practicing the skill, I go into a state of giving up, and accepting myself as inadequate, as if there is nothing I can do about it, and I am simply doomed to remain inadequate forever
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as a slow reader and have not allowed myself to realize that there are methods and techniques one can learn to improve ones reading skill, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept my limitations instead of pushing through them through effort and dedication
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to dedicate myself to supporting and assisting myself to learn and improve myself within the skill of reading, and thus have accepted myself as inadequate, and allowed this self limitation to dictate my experience in general, as it effected me through out my life within effecting my self confidence and self value
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my perceived reading ability, and thus have believed myself to have a lesser value due to believing myself as being a bad reader, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as a bad reader instead of working towards changing / improving myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the importance of reading as a practical skill, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to push myself to improve within my reading as an act of self support, self dignity and self value, within this I forgive myself or accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself through accepting myself as a bad reader, not yet realizing the consequences it will have created throughout my life, such as accepting myself as inadequate, within shame as I have been trying to hide my reading difficulty
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take my learning difficulty personally and experience myself as ashamed of myself for not being as good of a reader as those around me within constantly comparing myself to them, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be humble and ask for help in acquiring the skills and methods to be able to improve my reading and instead I held on to my pride, as if I don't care about how I read, when in fact the self belief of being a bad reader has created lots of inner conflict within me as I allowed myself to feel ashamed and inferior
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as a bad reader instead of realizing that as any skill this too can be learned and perfected, and thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take the time and put in the effort to support myself to become a better and more effective reader, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to value myself as worthy to take the time and put in the effort in order to support myself
I realize reading is a basic skill that all must acquire and become effective within as it effects our ability to use words which are the building blocks of our experience of ourselves, I realize that by not supporting myself to correct and perfect my reading ability I have participated in deliberate self sabotage and as a result have experienced myself as inadequate through out my life, resulting in giving up, aggressiveness, and other personalities I have created to hide the insecurities based on the experience of inadequacy in regards to not reading well
I realize that I have judged myself as inadequate within reading through comparison, and as a result of experiencing myself as inadequate I have allowed myself to develop a resistance towards reading and thus prevent myself from practicing and improving within the skill of reading while holding on and perpetuating the self created character of being an inadequate reader, thus, when and as I see myself going into inadequacy as an experience of inferiority and opening the door towards giving up on myself, I stop myself and breathe, I realize that any skill can be learned and perfected, I realize that I am worthy to be giving myself the gift of discipline, as investing in myself the effort and time that it takes to learn a skill, thus I commit myself to when a skill comes up where I experience myself as inadequate, I do not allow the pattern and energy of inadequacy to take control over me, I support myself through breath, I support myself to lok at the point in common sense in practicality, and if I decide that it is a point that is valid to pursue, I commit myself to take the physical actions needed to acquire the skill, realizing it will take time and effort, yet realizing that I am worth taking the time and putting in the effort in order to support, expand and perfect myself
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
