Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Friday, September 19, 2014
I have watched the
movie Old Boy, read and was inspired by these two following blogs, my writing is
building upon that which I have read, so please go ahead and read them for
better context.
After watching the
movie and reading the blogs, the point that is coming up for me, in regards to
how we can learn from the movie to better ourselves and our life experience, is
by taking it all back to self.
The movie is clearly
about two men stuck in a revenge cycle, where the one imprisons the other for
15 years as revenge for something he blames him for that happened in their
childhood, then the other seeks to pay back the man who imprisoned him, only to
find that the revenge wasn't over. They hurt innocent bystanders as each
other's loved ones and associates as part of their revenge towards one another.
They stop at nothing. They are moved, motivated and controlled by revenge, it
is all they see, it is all they live for.
These men have given
up their lives in possession and obsession of revenge.
The movie is
expressed in a very extreme way and thus makes it very clear for the viewers to
see the madness that revenge can drive us to, within that as well to see how
wasteful and utterly ludicrous this revengeful behavior is, to spend ones
entire life in revenge, instead of letting go, starting fresh, and allowing
oneself to enjoy and live a full life.
Once I can see the
construct clearly within the movie, presented in the for of one man doing to or
against another man, I like to ask myself where else do I see this construct in
my life and environment. Where do I see the same play out played by different
characters.
What intrigues me
most within exploring the lessons I can derive from this movie, is to research
this construct of revenge as I see it playing out within myself, as myself and
towards myself. In other words, seeing this construct, as it exists externally,
equally existing internally, within the principle of "as within so
without".
Let me explore the
situations where I revenge myself, hold onto grudges towards myself and blame
myself for things that are long gone from my physical experience, yet I hold
on, judge, punish and revenge myself for them, maintaining and perpetuating
this endless cycle of self abuse.
When I say revenge
as an act of self abuse, I see it as any form of deliberate self abuse (all
abuse is deliberate), done based on some point of blame, shame, guilt, judgment
from the past (it is all from the past) - so basically lot of self talk, communication with self, if
not supportive, is a form of revenge.
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to revenge myself as I hold onto memories of
things I've done or said and regret, blame, shame and judge myself for them,
instead of forgiving myself within the starting point of learning and expanding
from the experience
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to separate myself within / as myself as I
revenge myself in blame / judgment / regret, as if the one me will do something
that the other me will not approve of and thus, I forgive myself for not
accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that the revenge I
am inflicting upon myself, as punishment and abuse is an indication of a time
where I allowed myself to not be in alignment with myself, where within
participating in revenge I am perpetuating that very same structure of not
being in alignment within and as myself, and thus I forgive myself for not
accepting and allowing myself to take that experience / memory as a point of
growth, expansion and learning rather than beating myself up in revenge, blame
and punishment
I forgive myself for
not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have used revenge to
justify to myself the continuing participating in thoughts / words / deeds that
are not in alignment with that which is best for all in self honesty, where I
allow myself to think / speak / act in self interest and abuse / harm myself
and /or others in the name of protecting my mind / characters and then I
justify / validate / maintain the cycle by punishing myself in blame / judgment
and in doing so revenging myself for allowing myself to fuck up in the first
place, instead of seeing this whole entire play out, as seeing the fuck up and
the revenge that will follow, and to simply stop
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to live in the past as to remind myself of how
"I fucked up", "I should have done it this way or that
way", "I shouldn't have done that", where in each time I remind
me I am doing so in blame, shame and guilt as the form of revenge, as a way to
punish myself for what I have allowed in the past, rather than investigating my
past mistakes from a starting point of neutral self exploration, within the
realization that only through seeing myself clearly, without any judgment, just
seeing simply who / how I have allowed myself to be / do / act / say, only
through facing myself in forgiveness can I actually start a fresh page and free
myself from the chains that the past holds on me as long as I allow it, within
holding on to revenge.
I forgive myself for
not accepting and allowing mysel to see that the point of payback as revenge is
an indication of living in the past and thus compromising self here for the
sake of the idea / memory of my perspective of what had happened in the past,
thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that
the point of revenge will inevitably become a point of regret and thus a point
of a self judgment / blame and thus the cycle of revenge continues, instead of simply stopping
When and as I see
myself participating in revenge, towards myself or towards others, in form of
thought, word or action, I stop myself and breathe, I stop the revengeful
though, I stop the justifying thought, I stop the belief that I was wronged or
was wrong, I stop it all and breathe. I bring myself back here and notice the
physical body that is here as me. And within breath I speak self forgiveness on
the origin point and the reaction in revenge that came up.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Woke up a few days ago and found my laptop's power cord all chewed up, I've been living with my brother's 13 week old cute puppy so it wasn't a big mystery as to what happened… I got really mad and yelled at her, held her down with the broken cable in my hand showing her what she did was wrong, making sure she knew she'd been bad - but how could she have known? Did she know? All she does most of the time is chew on things - some things are her toys made for her to chew on and some are my shoes, the table, the sofa, socks, the staircase and cables, wire and cords - She is a puppy, that's what they do, they chew on things…
Looking at my reaction, It's clear that I'm more upset about the laptop's power cord being destroyed than I am when she chews on other things because of my relationship to my laptop - because I practically use it daily, so from that perspective I have to put many things on hold when I don't have access to my laptop, but I also got upset because I thought it meant that I would have to now spend time and money to replace it, and I know I can't afford not to, so I must do it now. I ended up spending a few hours going around from store to store in the are just to find out that I can't get it in the store because I have a unique power cord, and that I must get it online, which was a problem cause by now I didn't have any battery life left so my laptop was dead - but, the funny thing is, had I just bought it online instead of going all over the place and reacting for being hassled, it would have taken me 10 minutes, and it was actually very cheap - but because I reacted and made a big deal out of it, I got a big deal out of it while it wasn't really a big deal at all - if I had not reacted I would have phoned the places and have seen they don't have the proper size cord, I could have checked online to see what I am looking for and how much it costs and would have found out how cheap it was - bottom line is that my reaction took over and I couldn't from that point act practically and effectively, and so made it much harder for myself, and for the puppy, as my reaction was not pleasant for her, it was violent and abusive.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in violence and abuse towards the puppy because she had chewed on something that i perceive as valuable, I realize that nothing justifies a reaction of violence and abuse - when and as I see myself reacting in anger I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here to the physical body and breathe, I commit myself to only "educate" my dog within a starting point of stability and support and to not communicate with her from a starting point of anger as that comes out as the expression of violence and abuse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value some objects more than others as I create different relationships with my things, and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within energy when anything happens to any of the items that I value - within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the value I have placed on things is related to money and thus it is not really my relationship to the thing itself but rather my relationship to money - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my relationship towards money and within this to allow myself to react with anger as the expression of violence and abuse due to the thought of now having to spend money on buying a new cord
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in blame towards the puppy as I blame her for being the cause of me now having to go out and buy a new cord, blaming her for wasting my time and money, while I have not allowed myself to take full responsibility for the event within for instance not making sure the puppy has enough chew bones to chew on, and that I have left the cord just laying around carelessly, within this I also forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate the point of blame as a reflection of that which I judge and blame myself for as spending my own time and money recklessly, as I am not yet living every moment effectively and thus I waste my time, and I am not yet spending my money effectively and so I waste my money - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not actually make clear and direct decisions as to how to spend my time and money but instead I have allowed myself to be directed by emotions, reactions and distractions as the god of me as the deciding factor of what I spend my time and money on
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that within reacting in anger towards the puppy I am teaching her and indoctrinating her into a world of energetic communication, and so I am responsible for her learning to use and abuse energy, thus, I realize that I must prevent myself from reacting with energy towards the puppy as with children, when we react with energy they then learn to use the energy as emotional manipulation, and so I am trapping her in that form of energetic communication by being an energetic role model - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the responsibility of teaching and training another being to exist and live in this world, and thus I have a responsibility to teach and train within stability and not indoctrinate another being to depend on energy and use energy within relationships and communication.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that my reaction towards my brother's puppy is with more anger / energy than when my own puppy got in trouble, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I have been bias towards puppies and within that I will tolerate my things being chewed only if it is done by MY puppy, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a condition as if to say that only in the condition that I am your favorite human and if you show that you love me the most , then it's ok for you to chew on my things and I will still love you and not build up resentment, but, if you are not MY puppy and you love another human more then me, then it's not cool that you wreck my stuff… lol.. It's the same with parents / children
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to favorite my own child / puppy and within that to tolerate their behavior while when others will behave in the same way I will react with energy as anger, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be stable within myself and to give to all equally the same response as a response of support and consideration, within supporting them as myself to become discipline and to realize what is the most practical and effective behavior that will support all equally - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as an example of bias and inequality
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Day 191 – Daily writing commitment restart – Day 1
Day 192 – 21 days of self dedication - day 2 - I am a pessimistic
Day 193 - 21 days of self dedication - day 3 - self sabotage
Day 194 - 21 days of self dedication – misusing the desteni process
Within my tendency to only see the worst I am replaying to myself all the back chat as self judgment, and within doing so I am constantly over shadowing the progress, or even not the progress, but the simple plain facts of my physical realty - and one plain fact is that I am still here - and I must support / encourage myself within realizing this, as a form of balancing out the usual self discouragement that I am used to feeding myself.
I realize there is a point of polarity here, and I am here to investigate it further, I am not satisfied as to leave things as they are, obviously, so it's not to say that for each discouraging thought I will come back with some positive reinforcement - but what I do mean, is that while I am walking the process of stopping myself within / as the pattern of self sabotage and self discouragement, I must deliberately remind myself the other side of the coin, as a temporary crutch to lean on and support myself with, as a bridge until the tendency to only see the worst is diminished.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be comfortable with assuming / expecting the worst, and thus, to "naturally" accept and participate within such thoughts of self diminishment / judgment, thus, enhancing the point which in tern leads to more judgment and so the cycle of self abuse
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself within the pattern of self diminishment and only seeing/ seeking the worst, to see the physical reality of the situation, and not only my mind projections
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the reality of the situation and myself within it, and thus deliberately only allow myself to see / express the worst, as if I do not know / recognize myself as confidant and trust worthy, and so, to remain familiar to myself I have become the manifestation of self doubt and dismissal
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I am here, and even though I participate in my mind, and do not yet effectively stop myself, and even though all the judgment and attempts of giving up - I am still here, and as long as I am here, I can stop and change
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I have been utilizing writing as self support more than ever before, and within this any comparison to an ideal or to others is just of the mind, and thus I must evaluate if the comparison is within a starting point of self honesty / support or self abuse / competition - and so, I realize that when I judge myself for not doing enough, I do not do so within a starting point of self support, but the contrary, I do so within a point of beating myself down - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beat myself down instead of finding practical livable ways to support myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself to change, but instead I would only find flaws and emphasize them, without looking for a practical livable solution - and thus doing so in self spite and not support
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all this self judgment is pointing towards that which I know I want to be but have not yet become, and so it isn't to dismiss the self judgment as invalid, because it is pointing at a valid point , but rather to not go into and participate with the energy of it all, but instead to find the point of change within it, and the point requires forgiveness - as to use the self judgment as an indicator, as a flash light pointing at the right direction - and so, it isn't to believe the flash light holds the truth, it is rather just pointing at it.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself within a constant experience that I must judge myself or else I am proving myself to being shallow and ineffective, not realizing that self enjoyment should be embraced, and is not "bad" if it is done within self expression, as simply enjoying the expression of self and those around - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself unconditionally
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself within a starting point of trying to be serious about process and the world through an idea that one must express a heaviness in order to sort this world out - but, lol, why would a harsh / heavy / serious expression be more effective within any part of this process, as self investigation, writing, self forgiveness?... There is no common sense in such an idea, it is merely an idea and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to adjust my expression to fit an idea instead of building and developing self honesty, through writing and self exposure, and then to express myself as who I am and who I want to be after looking at it in awareness, and not automatically allow myself to become an idea that I have not even until now investigated and thus could not have clearly seen the ridiculesness of it all
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be here in breath, and to move and act from within this one point of me being here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that today more than before I am more aware of what I am going through within my experience / participation / acceptances, and so, I slow myself down and realize this is a process and I am walking it at my own speed - I forgive myself for judging myself according to comparison and an idea and thus, blinding myself to the fact that I am walking, not only blinding me but causing hardship, instead of embracing myself and investigating why am I going slow, check if I can go faster or become more effective and practically do something about it, rather then judging myself and dismissing all that I am doing as a form of punishment and making myself worthless in my own eyes - not realizing that this enhances the problem rather than going towards a solution.
And so, I commit myself to be more aware of what is physical, and within this, to stop myself within and as breath, when I see myself going into interpretation, especially if I see myself going into the self judgment / diminishment character as a form of trapping myself without a practical solution for change, but only remain in the mind as thinking about it
I am here, and I am walking ,and I can prefect myself and become more effective - but I can do so only within / as self support, and not through self abuse - within this, I commit myself to practice being more self discipline, to making a schedule and re-fixing / editing it as I move along to keep it up-to-date with my current activities, within this, I commit myself to if I do not stay up to speed with my assignments to adjust myself and investigate what/why is going on - I commit myself to breath, to be here, to return to myself as the physical
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Monday, March 11, 2013
Going through some memories, I have noticed a pattern of allowing myself to be the butt of the joke, presenting myself as being cool about it and laughing with everybody, while actually taking it personally, though not daring to express this, because I so desire to fit in and be accepted as one of the group, I thus suppress myself in self judgment and instead accept and allow this to continue, allowing myself to experience myself as being abused again and again, when all along I am the one abusing myself through judging myself for taking it personally and yet allowing the situation where I experience myself being abused to continue, and not making a stand to stop it, not stopping it within myself as to not take it personally, and not stopping it without as not accepting words / behavior that are of an abusive nature.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be called by nick names within a starting point of the idea that nick names are endearing, and thus, within the desire to be accepted and loved I will allow to be named by nick names even when they are abusive in nature from the perspective of them putting me down - within this I realize that no name can put me down, and any experience of being put down by a demeaning nick name is a reflection of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as inferiority, within this I realize that my reaction to any given nick name is a window of opportunity for me to explore the reaction, forgive myself and let go the construct, as inferiority, that I am showing myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself, when given a nick name that does not stand in equality to me, as it is an expression of superiority / inferiority within it's starting point as expressing diminishment / belittlement, to stand up and stop participation within and as the nick name, as to ask the person to stop using this name, and to stop laughing from the name - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, even when I have realized the nick name does not stand within equality, within it being an expression of diminishment / belittlement, to continue allowing it, and continue participating with it - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow and participate with the given nick name within a starting point of wanting to be accepted, within the idea that it isn't cool to take such things personally, and I am better off laughing with them, and presenting myself as if I don't care, in order to gain their acceptance, and not cause friction / conflict within standing up and asking / demanding them to stop using such a demeaning name.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with and allow being given an abusive nick name within the starting point of wanting to seem cool, as if I don't mind and am not taking it personally, within this not standing in equality within and as myself, but rather trying to be and present myself as that which I am not, within this not realizing that by doing so I am suppressing myself and in fact not accepting myself in the moment of taking it personally, thus separation myself form the experience of taking it personally and deeming it as "bad" / "wrong", not realizing that only through allowing myself to be one with that which I am, will I be able to walk a process of self introspection, self investigation, taking self responsibility into self change, into true self acceptance - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by not allowing myself to admit even to myself that I am taking it personally, I am robbing myself the opportunity to self investigate in self honesty why I am taking it personally, as the first step in the path for self change as to eventually not take such things personally as I will know who I am and will not be moved by such mockery.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by allowing myself to be named in diminishing nick names in order to be accepted, I am diminishing myself - as I am compromising myself as equal within the desire to be accepted at any cost, and thus I place myself as less than the group in order to experience myself fitting in within the idea that standing up for myself will not be accepted by them, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief / notion, that to be accepted into a group I must first stand in humbleness, but I have defined humbleness as weakness / inferior, and thus believed that I must stand in inferiority in order to be accepted, as to not threaten anyone, as to not be intimidating, and within this I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by doing so I am not allowing myself to express myself and thus whether they accept me or not, it isn't me that they are accepting but rather a character I have created as myself, an illusion of myself, and thus I am placing myself in a position, that I must maintain my deceptive character in order to maintain the relationship that has been based on my own deception, yet I cherish it in the desire to be accepted at any cost.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify using abusive nick names as being a joke, even though I know that the starting point of such names is abusive, and thus not acceptable, I realize that I have used nick names towards others from a starting point of diminishing them, and have justified them to myself as being innocent, while in fact it was not, it is an expression of evil and must be stopped, from both my participation as the giver of the nick name and the receiver - such silent and seemingly innocent abuse must be directed and stopped, as it is unacceptable.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be seen as easy going and cool, thus, within existing as and maintaining this personality I have not allowed myself to stand up and expose this hidden abuse that is existent within and as such nick names -not standing up in self interest of not wanting to ruin the image of being easy going and cool, within believing that only through presenting myself as this personality will I be accepted, within a belief that once accepted by the group I will be safe from being called names any more, as I will be one of them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept shit thrown my way, whether it is done deliberately or not, within wanting to maintain an easy going / cool image, within hiding the fact that I am taking it personally and would like it to stop - within this, I realize that it is my responsibility to investigate any reaction I have towards a name or a behavior towards me, but I also have a responsibility to support myself and others by standing as the voice of reason / common sense and showing that what we are busy with is abusive and uncalled for, and simply evil - and thus must stop as I will not allow myself to participate in the structure of being deliberately evil and cruel towards each other.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in activities that I do not stand with / as in self honesty, such as giving / receiving abusive nicknames, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by participating within an activity that I do not stand with / as in self honesty I am compromising myself within accepting and allowing back chat as self doubt to come up within me, questioning the decision to participate, not realizing that a self honest decision was never made, because it was made in self interest and fear - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in and accept activities I do not stand with / as in self honest from the starting point of fear of losing the acceptance of others and fear of missing out on the fun, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in activities due to fear and not based on my self honest evaluation of the activity within deciding whether I stand by / with it or not, thus allowing myself to be directed and motivated by fear instead of principle, compromising myself and others from the perspective of allowing myself to exist in a way that cannot be trusted, as I can be manipulated / persuaded to do anything that is not aligned with common sense, as the principle of what is best for all life. Within this I realize that any activity I participate within, I am equal to, and thus I must push myself to stop following the mind's temptation as motivation of fear / desire, but instead to walk in alignment to the principle of equality, to participate in that which is aligned in common sense as what is best for all life, and not participate in that which I will stand in shame knowing that I have done so within a starting point of self interest / fear / desire, and not of principle.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto memories of being bullied and use such memories to exist in blame towards those who bullied me, not seeing my part / responsibility of the situation as I have allowed it within wanting to seem cool, or simply within fear of standing up for myself, or within an acceptance of being bullied - within all points I am equally responsible for accepting and allowing such bullying to take place, towards myself and towards others
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto memories of me bullying others, and use such memories to exist in guilt and shame, instead of realizing that guilt and shame do not change me and will not prevent me from doing it again if not directed through self investigation by writing and self forgiveness to get to the understanding of why I have been as I was and thus through understanding to walk a process of self correction - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by existing in guilt / shame as a self inflicted punishment within self judgment I am bullying myself and thus still giving my allowance and participation of the construct of bullying .
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to memories of either being bullied or bullying others, within allowing myself to exist in an energetic experience of blame / self victimization or guilt / shame - both sides of the same polarity created through my participation within and as the construct of bullying, not realizing that the first / basic point is self bullying which I am accepting and allowing through self judgment instead of applying practical application and self change - holding onto the memory instead of changing myself to live as principle of equality as what is best for all life, and thus make sure that I will never again accept any bullying towards others or myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory of participating in an activity within a starting point of fear / desire and not of principle, thus allowing myself to, within awareness, participate in an activity that I do not stand one and equal with, yet through my participation I am standing one and equal with, and thus exist within inner conflict / friction - creating a situation for myself that as a platform for back chat and self judgment as self sabotage, instead of stopping myself within breath from participating and being directed by fear / desire, and pushing myself to stand by / as the principle of equality for life, within realizing that only when / as I stand by / as this principle will I build myself as self trust, self honor and self respect - any thing else that is not aligned within self honesty will inevitably lead to self judgment / guilt / shame, which then will lead to a life of suffering and justification to ease my mind as I manipulate myself to forget / hide the actuality of my actions, and thus separate myself from myself further and further, to the point of not knowing myself, and only exist as justification instead of self honesty, in equality and oneness within and as myself as who I am as life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the pattern of accepting abuse within the desire of being accepted, and thus on the other hand, fear of being rejected, not realizing that I am abusing myself within allowing others to abuse me, and I am within that standing as an example that self abuse is accepted and allowed, as I am one with and equal to it within my acceptance and participations.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as the pattern of not standing up for myself within the desire to seem cool, and thus, within fear of seeming like I am taking things too personally, within this I am depriving myself the opportunity to walk my process in self honesty, as at the moment I am taking the abuse / words towards me personally.
support yourself through practical education – in relation to bullying here are some recommendations:
Sunette - Children and Bullying - Practical Solutions
and on EQAFE
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
I was appalled to read the hateful and spiteful comments beneath the photo, comment after comment, all condemning this organization, blaming them for being anti-Israel, blaming them for only fighting for the rights and well being of the Palestinians while Israelis have it rough as well, as Israelis have been living in danger and fear as well - it's an ridicules comparison - comparing the life of an average Israeli to the life of an average Palestinian - how ignorant and not aware of the physical reality one must be to stand behind such a comparison?
As I was reading their comments, it was obvious that these people are brainwashed, and have lost touch with the physical reality, they have lost the basic understanding that before and beyond us being separated by countries and politics, we are all human beings, they have lost the recognition that there are not monsters and demons on the other side of the fence , but people, flesh and blood, families and communities - people with names and hobbies, children that express the joy of laughter, mothers who care for their daughters, fathers who want to protect their families, educators who want the best for their students, doctors who want to heal the sick and injured, friends who want to sped time and enjoy each other - they, the haters, have forgotten that they, the Palestinians, are just like us, the Israelis - all they want is to live a happy and fulfilling life, though, within this situation, they are defending themselves, living in fear, living in hatred based on the past, based on what their leaders and media tell them, based on their daily experience, as they are living in a controlled war zone, surrounded by a hostile army, as well as surrounded by terror organizations that take shelter in their kitchens or schools… They have such uncomfortable living conditions, to say the least, but they are mainly guilty of the same crime we are, they are trying to survive - where as, all these haters that wrote the comments, are so caught up in their own fears and beliefs that they cannot see straight and actually consider the situation in common sense, within seeing all it's complicated aspects - all they can see has been cluttered and distorted by hate and fear.
The situation in Israel / Palestine is complex, and every minute that it continues unresolved makes the tare between the people bigger, and thus the situation harder to mend - but, up till today I thought the problem was a political one, not a personal one, and so, what I found most troubling today, is the comments, written by "my own people", comments full of hate, anger, rage and revenge - towards the Palestinians, and towards the organization who dares to stand up to protect the basic human right to a dignified and fulfilled life, obviously within exposing the insensitivity and unnecessary abuse Israel is participating within and directing for long enough.
I realize that finding a practical solution that is best for all might take time, negotiation, investigation, understanding, compassion, forgiveness - I realize there isn't a magic solution to a problem that has been compounding and perpetuation for so many years, I understand there are many points of view and it might take patience and perseverance to walk through all the options and actually find a solution, I even realize that there are political agendas to keep the situation going - I understand it's going to be hard, but I always knew it can be done - today, as I was reading the comments I experienced despair, I lost hope, I couldn't see beyond their hateful words, I couldn't see how any peace will even be possible if this is what's infesting the minds of people - how will there ever be a solution if this is how people see each other and look at the situation?
It took me a while to snap out if this experience, I was assisted by friends through talking the point out, and I realized that I have been fooling myself in several levels - I had made "them", the haters, into the problem, as I've abdicated my own self responsibility within accepting and allowing the world system to be as it is, as I've always knew about the situation but preferred to let others handle it, not standing up within and as myself, but instead I've been a silent observer, as a silent partner to all that has been going on around me. I have separated myself from them, the haters, in blame and self righteousness, and thus participating in exactly that which I blame them for, as I have been towards them as they are towards the Palestinians, existing within / as a polarity as I am the "good" and they are the "bad" instead of seeing the situation as it's physicality, no judgments, no blame, no polarities, no rights or wrongs. I have allowed myself to take their comments personally and to become emotional, overwhelmed in despair, which I realize is just another mind trick to keep me from breathing, from being here in equality and oneness within and as myself, keeping me from finding practical common sense solutions, towards solving and correcting myself within creating myself as the foundation for a solution / correction on a greater scale. I realize that, within the experience of giving up, within the experience of desperation I have been distracting myself from taking any physical action, even if the only action that I can practically do is to remain here in breath, it would be more effective, more supportive, more practical and more physical than going into the mind in the energy of an emotional reaction…
How easy it is to point figures and blame those that express their inner demons while I hide my inner demons disguised as self righteousness, judgment and blame, believing myself to be a better person, while actually proving to myself that we are in fact all the same, and thus we must always find ways to support ourselves and each other, and not turn to spitefulness and blame, as I've so easily done, just as they do towards the Palestinians
I realize that I don't know how and why they became to be hates, I don't know their life story, yet I judge them, and view them only through the lens of the few words I read, becoming narrow minded towards them, ignoring the multidimensionality of them and seeing them as only one thing "racist haters", just as they see the Palestinians.
I realize that my responsibility at this moment is to breathe, to remain stable, to write myself out and forgive myself when / as I see myself going into reaction such as I've experienced today, my responsibility is to express common sense when / as I can, as a form of self support and within that realizing that maybe someone will see the common sense and will start questioning their beliefs and their judgments, I realize that my responsibility is to live as an example of the principle of equality and oneness, and thus, my responsibility is to make sure that all that I participate within is aligned with equality and oneness as what is best for all, in equal consideration of all - I see today that the road is going to be a long one, I see how easy it is to judge and divert my focus on others, while participating in the exact same construct I blame them for - I realize that as long as I allow myself to be moved and directed by the mind I am equal to them from that perspective, as they too are being directed by their minds - thus, only through actual self change will I ever be able to support another to change, only through self correction will I be able to understand the path one has ahead towards self correction - until then, all I can do is humbly walk my process, in breath, in writing, in self forgiveness, one step at a time.
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Wednesday, November 28, 2012
For profound insight and further context as to what I will be writing about in this post, please consider gifting yourself with the awesome interview series - Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
A life chamber is that which contains life, that in which life exists within.
The physical, as earth, is the chamber of all life, just as each and every one of our physical bodies is a chamber of life, just as each one of us was conceived and developed in the womb of our mother as a life chamber, protecting us as life from all harm, supporting us, nurturing us, developing us.
We begin our life in a life chamber, as the womb of our mother, while our mother is existing within her life chamber as her physical body, within the physical reality as a life chamber, in which all life exist within.
Unfortunately, we as humanity, have got it all wrong, we are obsessed with our mind, possessed within it's illusions of separation, and completely neglect the physical reality, the physical which is our home - the physical is our home in a profound meaning, as it is who we are as life, as we are all made from the dust of the earth, equal and one with all that exist as the physical reality - yet, it seams that we, as humanity, have made it our life goal to destroy our home, to destroy the physical, to disregard and abuse earth, nature, animals, plants and our physical body as ourselves.
Now, back to the chamber of life, one must ask oneself who is responsible for whom - is the chamber responsible for the life within it, or is life responsible for the chamber, or consider the possibility that it is a mutual agreement between equals, where both the chamber and life itself are responsible of each other as one and equal, within the principle of equality - I would say an agreement between the chamber and the life within it makes the most sense, supporting each other as themselves as they realize they are actually one and equal. As this is the case, it seams to me like, we, as humanity have not been keeping our end of the agreement to support and respect the chamber of life in which we exist within, as our physical bodies, as earth and existence as a whole. It seams to me that we exist within an agreement, an agreement that we have failed and betrayed, and the proof is evident as we can see the consequences all around us, as the abuse, suffering and basic evil that is revealed within every thing us humans touch or come near to.
Lets have a look at a mother as she represents the source of all humanity, the origin from which each and every one of as came from, as we explore the different life chambers in a mother's life - there is the "womb chamber" as the mother's womb, in which her child, as the next generation of life, grows, develops and prepares to being birthed as a living being in the physical reality. There is the "physical body chamber" in which the mother herself, as a living being, exists within, as her physical body , and there is the "existence chamber" in which all humanity exist within, where the mother, as a part of humanity, as an organ in the organism of humanity, exists within the "existence chamber" as the physical reality, as earth, nature, sun, rain - all are part of the chamber of life in which humanity, and all living beings, exist within. So the womb chamber is within the physical body chamber which is within the existence chamber, and thus all three are connecter, intertwined with one another and influence each other - further more, we will see that all relationships between the chambers and the life within it, in all dimension, are one and equal, so that the same relationship we see between humanity and the physical existence, we will see between the individual human and their physical body, and that will indicate the relationship within the womb, as a one and equal expression of what we accept and allow within ourselves and within our world, as above so below, as within so without - all levels, all dimensions, all relationships are showing us the same thing - who we are as what we accept and allow within ourselves and the world as a whole.
The life chamber could be one of support and it could also be one of abuse just as a chamber of a prison cell. we, as human beings, have created this world as a chamber of abuse through failing our agreement with it, instead of having created it into a chamber of support, a heaven on earth, that all life live as one, in fulfillment, joy, and security, through our directive principle of taking self responsibility within the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all. But again, as we can see - as within so without - we have been abusing our bodies and thus created our bodies as chamber of abuse, as it reflects ourselves back to us with disease and pain. within common sense, it’s clear to see that as a result of all physical bodies being abused, our mothers womb would have always represented such abuse, and thus, has never been a chamber of support and growth, but as a platform of preparation to bring the next generation of life into to a world of abuse.
As long as we don't find it within ourselves to respect ourselves as our physical body, to support and respect earth within the physical existence as a whole, as long as we don't learn to take care of our home as the chamber of life, how will we ever be able to create a chamber, in all dimensions, that will be supportive for our children , as the new life that come into this world, innocent and naive, only to find a world of horror, abuse and suffering. If a mother, as a representative of humanity, as the core of humanity, doesn't care for herself, doesn't respect her body or the physical as a whole, how will she provide an effective and supportive womb chamber for her child to develop in? how will she then educate her child to care for and to support life?
The horses, in their interview show and explain how they live as one with the physical, how they experience pregnancy, how they experience the physical as one and equal - we have much to learn from them - We must stand up and change ourselves in all dimension, from the way we treat physicality as the earth and nature , to how we treat our bodies, to how we treat ourselves, to how we treat each other, and then, how we prepare ourselves to create and bring about a living being, a new life, that will be supported from their first breath until their last.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, as part of humanity, to abuse the physical reality, as earth, nature, plants, animals and all living beings, instead of honoring the agreement between all that is here as supporting each other as life, as one and equal, through considering and caring for all life in every breath I take
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am destroying the home in which I exist in, as the life chamber, as the physical reality, and thus, not realizing that by destroying it I am actually destroying myself and all life as one
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to honor all that is here as life, as the physical reality, and within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to honor myself as life as the physical body, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that through living as self expression of honoring life, I would prepare the world and myself for the next generation of life, for them to be welcomed as we allow them the basic living right as being born into a world of honor and support, a world where every living being is supported, honored and respected from birth till death
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as a woman I have a responsibility to support myself as my physical body within supporting myself as the physical reality as the chamber of life, to through correcting the relationship I have towards myself as the physical, to prepare myself to support the next generation of life, as through supporting and respecting myself as my physical body will I be able to support a living being growing within me, within the womb chamber I have prepared for them, and thus to support the next generation of life through all the steps of their development, from conception, till birth, through their first breath and until their last
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand the vast consequences of not caring and considering all life within/as the physical reality, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as within so without, thus not honoring the physical is a mirror of not honoring self as life, and thus a predetermined condition of not honoring the next generation of life, as our children, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that we, as humanity, are creating new life everyday, through baring children, even though we can't take care of them nor support them, because we have never cared for anything that is a live, thus, I realize that we must change, we must learn to respect all that is here, we must learn to respect ourselves as life, we must stop the abuse we have been participation within and accepting as a "part of life", and only through changing ourselves, will be able to bring forward new life and trust ourselves that it won't be abused and neglected, but will be taken care of and supported as it learns to take care and support all that is here and live in honor of the agreement that we have broken, thus correcting the sins of the fathers (and mothers). Within this i realize that for our children to mend the mistakes we have accepted and created, we must prepare them, we must thus, prepare and change ourselves, or else the abuse will keep existing into infinity, until humanity would completely destroy every living thing, including itself
I commit myself to continue walking the desteni process of self change through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements as a process of self investigation within self honesty, until I trust myself completely that I have freed myself form the enslavement of the mind and am no longer existing from a starting point of self interest, but from a starting point that is best for all, where within each breath I take, I support, care for and honor myself as life, and all life as one and equal.
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Friday, November 23, 2012
for further context: Giving Up on Myself - Life Review
Also please visit my previous blogs, if you haven’t already:
Day 97 - Giving up is an elitist privilege
Day 98 - Giving up is an elitist privilege - Part 2 - Self commitments
I realize that in any moment that I am not here in breath, as aware of myself breathing within my physical body, I am in a realm of the mind, existing within / as energy as participating in thoughts / feelings / emotions / projections / imaginations, within this I see, realize and understand that once I notice, become aware of myself existing as energy, I have a decision, I am faced with a choice - will I stop myself as the mind and bring myself back to myself as the physical within/as breath, or will I allow myself to continue, to follow the mind's temptation, within believing I am defined by it, by the emotions / feelings, within believing that I cannot stop - who I am within this decision, how I chose to be is what defines me in every moment, and within realizing this choice I see how I am in fact creating myself within every decision I make, so wither to stand up in self honesty or to give up as the mind - is always up to me, thus, when and as I see myself facing the decision, the choice, of stopping myself as the mind possession, and bringing myself back here to the physical within breath, or following the mind within a self belief that I cannot be freed from it and within self interest as the pursue of happiness and good feelings - I chose myself as life
I realize that I have allowed the idea I have that I am incapable of stopping myself while in an energetic possession, as back chat come up of "but I don't know how to do it", "I cannot stop", "this depression is stronger than me", to prevent me from actually stopping, to prevent me from even trying, as allowing myself to give up and be submissive to the energetic experience, within this I realize that as long as I participate with this back chat, as accepting the idea that I cannot stand up from the energetic experience, I will never actually stand and continue proving to myself my idea of myself was correct, not realizing that this idea isn't based on physical facts but just on a mind manipulation to keep me enslaved and trapped within the energetic experience, on the other hand, I realize that if I do push myself through the point, as not allowing the back chat to direct me, and within this to stop my acceptance of the idea that I am incapable, and push myself to breathe and support myself through bringing myself back to the physical as jumping up and down and shaking my body, or massaging my hands, I will be able to step out of the possession, because I realize the energetic possession requires my attention and participation for it to exist within me as my experience, thus, when and as I see myself going into and accepting the back chat of not believing I can do it, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back to the physical body in any way that is possible within the context of the situation I am in, I chose to support myself and to stop myself from giving more power/energy to the possession and instead give myself the power through standing up from within it, proving to myself that I am the directive principle and I am not a puppet at the demand of the mind - I am here, I am life, I am not energy, I realize that the energy needs me for it to exist and I do not need the energy to be here as myself stable in breath
I realize that when I exist in an energetic possession I fear stopping it, I fear letting go of it because it is how I know myself, I have defined myself as it, within this I realize that this fear is a mind mechanism to keep me from standing up as life, I realize this fear is not valid because I am here through all the experiences, I have been here through all the possessions, I have been here to see them come and go and change - thus I am here is independent on the energy possession, and doesn't require it to exist as I am here, thus, when and as I experience myself resisting to stop the energetic possession within fear of letting go of it, I stop myself and breathe, I remind myself that I am here, I breathe, and stand up, within this, I commit myself to investigate the point of fear further, and each time the fear/back chat comes up I commit myself to investigate it within writing and forgive myself for all that I have seen within it as my acceptance and allowance, to make the point clear to me, so that I don't fall in it again
I realize that within the construct of giving up on myself, within the belief I cannot stop the energetic possession as I believe it is stronger than me, I realize that within this I am trying to take the easy way out within self interest while disregarding myself as life and the consequences of my actions, within this I realize that I have used giving up to distract myself from the problems that are here, that are evident in the physical reality, as taking the easy way out and not pushing myself with all I've got to change the current situation of reality as myself, as it is based in inequality and results in much pain and suffering for many beings that cannot practice the privilege of giving up because it would cost them their life, thus I realize that within giving up I am not only giving up on myself but am allowing myself to give up on the pain and suffering that others are experiencing because of the very construct of the system as it exists today, the same system that has given me so much as consumerism, that I can turn a deaf ear to the abuse because it doesn't concern me directly due to being the elite of this world, and thus allow myself to give up in self interest
I realize that the only reason I am giving up is because I can, because I don't experience the immediate consequences, because I have support within the system and thus am not in a physical survival mode, within this I realize that giving up is an elitist privilege, that only those with money can afford giving up, as a childish moment of not wanting to take self responsibility and wanting others, as slaves, to do the hard work for them while they momentarily give up to then after the small "brake from life" return as if nothing has happened and as if there are no consequences, within this I realize that by exercising my privilege of giving up I am dismissing and disregarding all those that cannot afford to give up because their life circumstances is based in physical survival and if they allow themselves to give up they will actually die/suffer, within this I realize that by giving up I am accepting the situation of the world as it is and am actually deriving benefit from it, as stating within myself that I don't care about any one and anything that is suffering in the world, all I care about is that "I don't feel like it" and thus allow myself to give up, within this I commit myself to become aware of points/situations/events where I find myself giving up and stop myself within and as breath, within realizing that giving up is not valid and is a vicious way out of taking self responsibility within what seams to be an innocent/naïve self belief of incompetency, but in fact is deliberate and cruel considering all in the world that can't stand up for themselves and are waiting for me to stand up for them within the world system as I stand up for myself within the mind
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Saturday, November 10, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
Day 86 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 7 - Self Forgiveness
The experience isn't about me believing I am less than them, although I realize that it is the core/source of the issue, but the point here is me reacting to the thought / interpretation of others thinking they are more / better than me - when I perceive other are thinking they are more than me I react in anger/aggravation, I judge them for thinking it, "how dare they", "they are such arrogant, over confident, snobs" "who do they think they are, they think they are better than me? fuck them".
All this going on in self created alternate reality of my mind, the trigger could be being corrected or being told what to do, but obviously other situations may trigger this character as well. within accepting and participating within this construct, of fear of being seen as less than others, i have been allowing myself to react in complete separation – separation from myself, the other and the situation as the physical reality, as I go into my mind, and ignore what is actually here, ignore the simplistically of allowing myself to be here as breath, equal and one, and move within/as myself as the physical body, within this physical reality and to communicate directly and not communicate as inner conversations with my own ego as the mind within/as my mind.
So, this is actually very similar to the fear of being judged, but with an added dimension of comparison, as I fear them coming to the conclusion that they are more than me, that they are superior than me, and treat me accordingly.
Here, again I see the connection between how I treat others when I perceive them to be less than me as the source of my fear, because how I treat others within my mind and actions, is how I expect to be treated and thus the source of the fear, showing me how i am acting/behaving towards others – thus, to find out what it is that I fear about being looked down upon I must investigate who I am within looking down upon others.
Another point to consider is that, here again, I see that I place my self value in the hands of others, as allowing myself to value myself through what I perceive others define and see in me.
So, two main points to further investigate and become clear on - who I am within comparison when I perceive myself as the superior and thus look down on the other, how do I treat them, and so on, and the other point would be related to self acceptance and the need for validation/approval of others.
the point of self acceptance keeps coming up like as the background of all of myself, and within it the desire for validation/approval/acceptance from others, the other point is a point of equality, within the principle of give as you would like to receive and do onto another as you would like to be done onto you, but here I am allowing myself to participate in abuse and thus fear being abuse within finding myself at the other side of the coin within the polarity I have accepted as superiority/inferiority – I see here that the principle of equality is here either way, when i abuse i will then equally experience/fear the abuse, and thus when I support I can walk in self trust of supporting myself as I support others
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fears as the fear of being judged as less than / inferior, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself according to how others see me and thus have not allowed myself to value myself unconditionally as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat others as less than me and act towards them in disregard/spitefulness/abuse, within this I realize that the fear I have towards others seeing me as less than them stems from my own abusive behavior I have participated within towards others and thus fear of receiving the other side of the coin, thus I commit myself to stop myself when I see myself going into judgment and compression towards others as seeing them as less than me, within realizing that as long as I participate in this construct I am allowing it to exist in all realms of existence including it coming back to me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act on my fears as putting on an act to try and become something/someone else than who I am in order to make an impression on others so they will think I am worthy, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and present myself in ways that I will get the desired response from the environment and thus when I don't get the feed back I desire I react within anger/aggravation as I am faced with myself as the acceptance of self separation revealing itself to me as inner conflict as I see that I have allowed myself to present myself in one way in order to get a positive feedback and when I get a negative feedback my act is exposed because it allows me to see that it was all an act
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be trapped in my mind to such an extent that I am actually thinking about what other people are thinking, thus validating their thoughts as well as my own as true and trust worthy, thus living not only in the alternate reality of my own mind but actually living in another alternate reality within the alternate reality in my mind, thus stepping that much further from reality as I give value and interpretation to what I believe others are thinking of me, instead of giving value to myself as life and to what is actually here within/as the physical
I commit myself to, when and as I am being corrected /told what to do, support myself within breath and do not allow myself to react, I commit myself to stop myself form going into my mind as thoughts/beliefs of what others might be thinking of me, and instead I commit myself to investigate the point I am actually showing myself within it, as the point of looking for external validation instead of living as self that needs no validation by the mere fact that I am here
When and as I interpret someone is thinking they are more than me I stop, I bring myself back here, I realize whatever goes on in ones mind is their own process to walk through and my responsibility is to stop myself as my mind/thoughts
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within the fear of being judge as wrong/stupid/inadequate, to add onto that the dimension of comparison, and within that to assume that the one that is correcting me is not only judging me but is comparing themselves to me and judging me as less than, not realizing that this is all going on in my own mind as my own creation, and thus I am the one comparing and judging myself, regardless of what the other may or may not be doing within their mind, which is in fact irrelevant, because as long as I am in my mind as thoughts / comparison / judgments I am not here as breath within the actual physical reality, thus I mist first bring myself back here as stopping my own mind / thoughts / comparison / judgments towards myself and towards others, and only then will I be able to even see and then give support to another within their mind, thus I commit myself to focus on myself from perspective of taking responsibility for myself as my own participation within/as the mind, and to stop myself form accepting myself within the separation of the mind and to bring myself here to myself
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Wednesday, October 31, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog
Day 69 - Friendship - Part 11 – Spitefulness – Part 1
Day 70 - Spitefulness - Part 2 - Self Forgiveness
Day 71 - Spitefulness - Part 3 - Self Commitments
Day 72 – Spitefulness – Part 4 – More Characters – Self Forgiveness
Day 73 - Spitefulness - Part 5 – Self Commitments
Day 74 - Spitefulness - Part 6 - Self Forgiveness
Day 75 - Spitefulness - Part 7 - Self Commitments
Day 76 - Spitefulness - Part 8 – Both Sides of the Coin - Self Forgiveness
Spite - Malicious ill will prompting an urge to hurt or humiliate.
It's funny in a way; my mind creates an idea, then my mind creates conflict within this idea, where reality contradict my idea, or when two ideas within me collide and cannot coexist without conflict, thus inner conflict, then I experience the conflict as a "negative" experience, as something undesirable, and then instead of seeing my responsibility for the entire situation which would indicate and may even result in changing my actions/behavior within realizing that I am creating my own self conflict, no, instead of doing that, I manipulate myself within/as the mind into believing that someone else is to blame and actually responsible for the conflict as the negative energy that I am experiencing, within this whole mess I believe myself as the mind, and turn spiteful towards this other being that I have projected onto them the blame/responsibility, and thus I hold them responsible for my self creation.
Within self honesty I realize another "disturbing" point, where all and everything that I experience being done to me, that I then blame and become spiteful towards, I am participating within. For instance, I resent people expecting things from me and then expressing their disappointment, and when it happens I become spiteful towards it/them, but then I allow myself to exist as the other side of the same coin where I expect things from other and then am disappointed and take it personally when they don't stand up to my expectations, and then I turn into spitefulness as well… now, the reason I react to peoples expectation is because of the construct I have created within myself when I expect from others, so when I expect from others I disregard them as the totality of their beingness and all I care about is my self interest which I want them to live by, and if they don't I am disappointed and become spiteful/resentful towards them, thus when I experience people expecting things from me I, within myself, expect them to exist as the pattern/construct I exist as, which I created in my mind, thus when I react to expectation I am in fact reacting to the construct of expectation that I created within myself and that I participate within.
So here again showing the basic law of “as within so without"as I within myself create that which I perceive to come from without me, as well as the principle of "do onto another as you would like them to do onto you" because what do is what I experience being done to me, and thus only if I do onto another that which I would like to be done onto me, will I experience that which I want to experience.
I commit myself to take and investigate every reaction I have towards another within realizing that it is showing me my own creation, and thus I commit myself to stop myself within breath and take responsibility for that which I created as the reaction/situation I am participating within.
I commit myself to stop myself from participating within the construct of expectation, when/as I see myself going into expectation I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here within realizing that expectation is based on ideas/beliefs and supports limitation while disregarding the other's beingness as the physical existence as what is here, within this I commit myself to when/as I see myself going into spitefulness, to investigate within myself what expectation I had of the situation/other which in my perception it/they didn't stand by, and within this I commit myself to clear myself from the expectation through writing, self forgiveness and corrective statements. I commit myself to stop myself from existing as expectation as what is not actually here as the physical, as life, and to bring myself back here, to the physical reality, to walk here, breath by breath, within realizing that here, spitefulness cannot exist, it can only exist as a construct of the mind, as an illusion that becomes alive as I give it life through my participation with it.
I commit myself to facing myself as the lowest point of existence, within allowing myself to face the lowest perceptions I have of self, and to from seeing the lowest and forgiving myself within self honesty, to stop the cycle of reaction when I perceive others in my environment are defining me as the lowest, within realizing that by allowing myself to be one with the lowest point, no one can then have power over me, and within forgiving myself as the lowest point I can be free of the fear of being seen/perceived as the lowest point, within realizing that the reaction towards how people see/perceive me is based on the self definition as the religion of self that I have accepted as myself, and thus "fight" to protect, but within allowing myself to let go of the positive idea I have about myself, and take on the lowest most negative points, I can in fact be free of the reaction, because there will be nothing to fear
I commit myself to stop myself from bullying others, within identifying a point of weakness and creating a situation where I can see myself as the dominator, as more than the other, I commit myself to stop participating within any pattern which is abusive/humiliating/suppressing of another being within realizing that as long as I participate within such constructs I will always perceive these construct being done to me by others, when in fact I will be experiencing my own creation, thus for these constructs of abuse/humiliation/suppression to stop, I must stop them within myself - as within so without, thus I am directly responsible for the abuse going on in the world through my participation with abuse towards others, I realize any participation with/as abuse/spitefulness/bullying towards others is showing me a hidden point of inferiority/weakness that I have accepted within/as myself, and thus I take on this point of weakness/inferiority, and investigate it as myself, not hiding from it any more, but allowing myself to one and equal to/as it, to be able to accept myself as it, and then to let it go within/through self forgiveness, to be able to trust myself that I will not be directed by this point and will not hide it within/through spitefulness/abuse
When I see myself within an emotional energetic reaction, where I feel like I can't take it anymore and want to burst out on someone else to share with me this negative energy - I stop and breathe, I close myself away and stop all interaction as I know where this is leading, and I do not accept myself to in any circumstances spread the energy like an infectious disease only for the self interest of feeling momentarily better, only to then go into guilt when the energy has passed and I am left with the awareness of what I had done. Thus I stop myself from passing on the energy of anger/spitefulness through breathing, until the energetic possession is over, thus, I commit myself to not communicate with others until I can trust myself to do so without passing on the energy to another, through being nasty/spiteful towards them, as this is simply unacceptable
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