Showing posts with label self trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self trust. Show all posts
Thursday, March 21, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blog:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place the self forgiveness statement yet leave them "bare" and not complete them with the directive understanding, decision and commitment as to how I would change practically
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that only self forgiveness is not enough for self to change - one must actually walk the correction in the physical reality as the expression of self, whereas the self commitment statements allow one to see and prepare self as to how one would do so, within and through writing the point as a self corrective statements, one can see more points of reaction within self, and more specific details as to what / when / how / where one must do to correct oneself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to write self corrective statements within a starting point of not trusting myself that I will actually do them, and thus to exist within a self belief that I will let myself down and within this belief I do not push myself to even try because I fear failing myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self judgment for failing myself, and thus, instead of giving myself the opportunity to write the commitment and to see how I handle it, to then allow myself to learn about myself through whether I apply the correction or not - instead of allowing myself to try and learn from what I now perceive as a failure, I have not allowed myself to even try, and so I avoid the possibility of failing- but within this I destroy the possibility of actually changing
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that this is a process, and within this process I am preparing myself through the tool of writing of self forgiveness and corrective statements, and thus, when I go into self judgment for not applying the corrective statement I am participating in the mind within not trusting myself and the process as myself, and within expectations which only create another relationship and thus personality in regards to my own application, tying myself down to another pattern of thought / emotion / feeling / back chat, instead of releasing myself - and thus, within this I realize that I must walk this process without the burden of expectation, but within giving myself the time and dedicating myself to the application, as to do what I can do in the moment without the future projections as fear and expectation, that hinder my self application here.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have been writing commitments in self dishonesty, from the perspective of not writing commitments that I can in fact walk as who I am, but writing them as a future projection, as what I would commit myself to when / as I change - but, in order to "get there" I realize I must draw the map for myself and then walk it, and by drawing the next piece of the map, without walking where I am, is another form of self sabotage, because obviously I cannot walk where I am not - I can only walk from the point I am at.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be more than myself within writing commitments that are not aligned with where I actually am but rather with where I want to be, which on the one hand it's cool to know where I'm going, but on the other hand, in order to get there I must be willing to admit to where I am now without judging myself but simply within realizing and facing who / what / where I am at this very moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself within my process in writing commitment statements that do not reflect where I am at now and thus do not support me in walking from where I am here, but rather create a situation that I cannot walk the commitment as I am not "there" yet, and so I create frustration and resentment within myself towards myself my experience and my process - while all could have been prevented if I were to write within self honesty, within realizing this is a process, and committing myself to the process, to myself, to walk from where I am now, within allowing myself to see where I am now, and not within wanting to be someone / somewhere that I am not - as that is self dishonesty and creates consequences as inner conflict / friction
more on this point to come…
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
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Sunday, March 10, 2013
for context please read my previous blogs:
Day 160 – A life changing Decision
Day 161 - Shame - I've done nothing with my life
Day 162 - Running ahead of myself
Day 163 - Running ahead of myself - Self forgiveness
Day 164 - Enslaved to Memories - Failed opportunity relived
Day 165 - Enslaved to Memories – Correction
Day 166 - Enslaved to Memories - Money and Morality
Day 168 - Falling like a leaf, or following your self direction - what do you chose?
Day 169 - Decisions, decisions...
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making decisions with accepting and allowing myself to exist as self doubt, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prefer that others make decisions for me
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to make my own decisions, and thus, exist within an accepted experience that I don't know what to do / decide and that I am helpless in face of the decision needed to be made
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I do in fact know what I want to / should do, but I have hidden this from myself in self separation within accepting and allowing myself to exist as self judgment, and thus, instead of allowing myself to see in self honesty what it is that I want to / should do, I hide myself from myself and turn to others to help / assist me make my decision, within a hope that they will approve / validate that which I wanted to do to begin with, thus showing myself that I do in fact know within myself what it is that I want to do / decide, yet I will not allow myself to admit to it and stand by it as myself, in fear of failure / judgment
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand by / as that which I want to do / decide, and instead I turn to others to ask for their help / assistance in making a decision, and so, within the desire / expectation that they will approve / validate that which I wanted to do but wouldn't admit that I know what it is that I want, I will react to their assistance / advice as if they validate me I will experience a relief, as a positive experience, within reaching a hidden agreement between that which they say and that which I knew I wanted all along, and on the other hand, if they give me advice that invalidates / contradicts that which I wanted to do / decide but would admit to myself, I will react in irritation / anger as I experience myself now more confused and more self doubting, within this I realize that both scenarios are within a starting point of self sabotage, because I actually know what it is that I want to / should do, but will not admit to myself, and thus exist in accepted and deliberate separation of / from myself, and within that expect / desire for others to validate me so that through their validation I can believe in myself, gain self confidence and make the decision - but within this I am enhancing the pattern of self doubt, creating a dependency on what others say / think, and creating friction and conflict when they are not aligned with what I want to or believe I should do.
I see here 3 problems -
1. I do not trust myself and rather trust the opinion / judgment / perspective of others - participating within this construct / pattern will in time greaten the self doubt and will make it harder and harder for me to stand up within myself and trust myself to make decisions.
2. when I ask for help / assistance, if I am validated, I am giving away the opportunity of questioning my decision, as I blindly accept their advice due to it being aligned with my initial want / desire / opinion, and so within being validated I experience a positive energetic experience and allow myself to stop the investigation of considering all options and looking at the bigger picture - thus, instead of taking responsibility for my decision I place the responsibility on the fact that it has been agreed upon, even without discussion - within this I see that there is a possibility to present the problem / decision in such a way to manipulate others into saying that which I want to hear - and so, this whole scenario is problematic and cannot be trusted.
3. when I ask for help / assistance and my initial want is not validated, I react, I go into a negative energetic experience as my self doubt is enhanced, I may lash out at the being for not supporting my hidden desire as I have been secretive about it due to not admitting to myself that I do in fact know what I want to / should do, and so, within reaction I will either let go my initial decision without further investigation, or I will hold onto it in spite - either way I am acting within reaction to the experience of being rejected / invalidated.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask for assistance in making a decision, within a starting point of manipulation and deceit, where I do not expose what I had come to within myself and thus am asking from a starting point of seeking validation and confirmation, instead of asking for assistance within sharing all that I had come to and asking for further perspective in order to get clarity of the point, as to maybe there are aspects I didn't take into consideration, this way I am not asking the other to decide for me but rather asking for assistance in considering all points in order to come to a clear decision on my own, for and as myself
Within this I realize that when I ask for assistance / advice I must first come to realize and understand what it is that I want or believe I should do, and within that clarity ask for assistance while exposing that which I see as to prevent my participating with manipulation, and this way, within hearing what the other has to say I can be more clear about any resistance that may come up and thus address it effectively, as a pose to hiding that which I see within myself and go into an argument with the other for not validating me, while they are in the dark so to speak, as I ask them for advice and now I am attacking them for not giving me what I wanted to hear. And thus abusing their assistance.
When and as I ask for advice / assistance / help in coming to a decision, I commit myself to first lay out all the points for myself and to allow myself to admit to that which I see should be my decision, then as I ask for assistance I share all that I see with the other so that they can have a clear perspective of what I am walking so that they can share more considerations that I may have missed - within this, when and as I see myself going into reaction as to what is being said, I stop myself and breathe, I investigate the point of reaction as I realize it indicates a point I am been hiding from myself as avoiding facing the point, thus, I look at the point in self honesty and forgive myself for the resistance / reaction from a starting point of clearing the point up in order to be able to see clearly and reconsider my decision now with the new consideration placed due to the assistance from the other
When and as I ask for assistance and receive the confirmation I was seeking, I push myself, through the assistance of the other, to play the devils advocate, as to allow myself to see if there are any points I am still missing, and so to not go into positive experience due to the validation of the other, but to use it as a platform to better understand the situation, as to allow myself to come to a clear and well rounded decision.
Within this I realize that I can do this procedure on my own, through writing, and thus I realize that asking for help in making a decision is but a stepping stone in building self trust, though it is not necessary, as through playing the devils advocate to my own decision making I can within self honesty see all the points, and through the assistance and support of self forgiveness walk through the resistances that I see coming up, allow myself to see the points of desires and fears that are masking the physical actuality of the situation, and come to make the decision on my own and for myself, within self trust.
I see here that I have been leaning on others to help me come to decisions that I am capable of coming to on my own, and I realize that each time I do so I weaken myself and validate the accepted self doubt, and thus sabotaging myself and my stand, instead of taking a moment, and writing the point out, allowing myself to admit to that which I want to or believe I should do, allowing myself to investigate the point in self honesty, to see where do I fear judgment or am directed by perceived expectations, and where am I limiting myself in fear or desire - here I utilize the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all, and check if my decision is in alignment to this principle, thus giving myself an anchor, as a direction, in which if I follow I know I cannot be "wrong", within this realizing that my ability to see what is best for all is as limited as I allow it to be, as limited as I allow myself to be, and thus I realize that this too will be a process of expansion, but in order to walk the process I must start with where I am at, thus to allow myself, in self honesty, to be where I am at, to from here step forward, and in each step build myself up as self trust, stand up within myself, expand as I allow myself to express myself and stand responsible to face the outcomes / consequences of my actions / participations.
I realize that if I am to change, I must allow myself to step out of my comfort zone, and explore new territory so to speak, and within this, allow myself to fall, yet if I fall in awareness I can learn and expand from every fall and through it, stand up stronger within myself.
Please consider investing in the interviews done about decision making - here are the links:
Decision Making 101 (Part 1) - Reptilians - Part 156
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
for context please read my previous blogs:
Day 160 – A life changing Decision
Day 161 - Shame - I've done nothing with my life
Day 162 - Running ahead of myself
Day 163 - Running ahead of myself - Self forgiveness
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to be able to handle whatever comes my way, through remaining here, breathing in stability - I realize this lack of self trust in regards to work is created through memories I am still holding onto within myself and giving value to and defining myself through.
Here I will start walking the memories / past moments that are coming up within me, that I see still have their hooks into me, I have defined myself based on these memories / past moments, as I have seen them as facts, as real stories telling me who I am and what are my limitations, I realize that as long as I hold on to these memories and allow myself to be directed by them, as long as I allow myself to be defined by them, they will in fact dictate who I am and will be - I have limited myself to believing that the memories must repeat themselves, not giving myself the opportunity to learn from them, to let them go, and change / correct myself to become an effective human being, here goes:
Memory: Investing in joining an MLM and not selling one product nor one "business opportunity".
I got to the recruiting presentation by mere coincidence, I wasn't directly invited, I just went with a friend that was invited by her friend. At the presentation I totally bought into the idea that multi level marketing is the way to go, why spend money on advertisements when we can go by word of mouth and personal sales?
I had decided to join, and was trained by my "up line" to now call all my friends , family and acquaintances, to invite them to come hear the same presentation I had heard, so we can all share the wealth. There were strict rules though, I was not allowed to tell them what it was about, I was supposed to give them very little information and just make sure they would come to the presentation based on trusting me that it would be worth their while - this approach made me feel very uncomfortable, I felt like I was manipulating them - why couldn't I have just been direct? Would they have not come if I were to tell them what it's about? Another point was that I hadn't really tested the product for myself, so I felt uncomfortable selling a product I didn't really believe in.
The people that recruited me were very good at brushing away all my concerns, but when I had to make the phone calls I was not clear nor stable, I felt like I was part of a scheme, like I am selling everybody a business plan with the starting point of making money off of them through recruiting them, regardless if they will be successful or not. It felt like the whole business was about selling people the idea they can get rich, and for them to get rich they would have to sell the idea to others, the product was secondary - you could make some actual sales if you wanted to, but that wasn't the main point, the money was in recruiting more people to invest in the business opportunity.
I ended up not making any sales not getting any recruits, and dropped it after a while, leaving with a sense of failure, and feeling like a fool for being duped into this scheme, as they count on gullible people like myself to recruit into the system, and then don't give effective support to actually make sure they stand within the system and make it. So I see here that I was also left with a sense of blame, as I was blaming them for not supporting me well enough to succeed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to this memory
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that this memory defines me from the perspective of believing that if I ever encounter a similar situation it will have the same results, whereas "similar situation" could be any business opportunity, and "same result" would thus be failing - within this I realize I have not been giving myself the opportunity to learn form this experience and change myself as to become more stable, effective, and direct within my application in the future
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this memory to limit me as I have allowed myself to believe it defines me and that it represents aspects of myself that are simply "who I am", not realizing that by taking self responsibility and standing within and as myself as the directive principle of myself in every moment - I am that which I create and direct myself to be in every moment, and I am not in fact limited to be who I was, thus, I realize it is my responsibility to learn from past experiences through self investigation as to see the points of weakness and grow and expand from it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear encountering a similar situation because I fear proving myself right, as proving to myself through repeating the past that I am in fact defined by this memory - thus, instead of standing up and facing this fear, within and through self investigation as to support myself to prepare myself to such a situation, I have allowed myself to be directed by this fear and thus not realizing that by doing so have in fact given fear power over me, and thus defining myself and limiting myself according to the fear - within this I realize that I have been sabotaging myself - and to correct myself I must prepare myself through writing and self forgiveness and specific corrective statements, in order to walk through the fear standing tall and applying myself as I have directed myself through my writing - I realize that as long as I allow this memory to dictate who I am - I will never be free, and will never know how much more I could have been
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the feeling of being duped into a scheme and since then, every opportunity that came my way I was suspicions about it, within a belief that I am being offered this opportunity as a scheme, within believing that people are always trying to take advantage of me, within this I realize I have victimized myself and thus have not allowed myself to investigate all points in common sense, within looking practically at the variables of the situation and evaluating if it is for me or not
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory of experiencing myself as being duped, and thus limit and restrict myself to relive it over and over, not allowing myself the opportunity to explore similar situations from a starting point of self trust as I trust myself to walk through any situation and apply common sense, as assessing what is involved what needs to be done and am I willing to do what is necessary - and within taking into consideration all aspect, to make a directive decision and stand by it - and within it, to not allow past memories that hold within them fear / judgment / failure to direct and control me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for "buying into" the MLM idea, within this I haven't allowed myself to consider that I am judging myself based on the result, as if I had made money I would have seen it as if "buying into" the idea was the best thing that I did, and now, since I didn’t make money I conclude that believing the idea was wrong - thus not allowing myself to simply investigate who I am in relation to the idea / concept regardless succeeding or failing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a fool for believing and buying into the idea, because I have judged it according to my success / failure, within this I have not allowed myself to take everything into consideration, as my participation and whether I actually pushed myself to succeed, the product, the training, and many other aspects that I have not allowed myself to investigate because I have went into self judgment for "falling in a trap", and thus closing the door of taking the opportunity to take self responsibility and learning all that I can learn from the situation
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my "up line" for not training me effectively when I didn't do all that I can in order to express my need for support, and thus, as I didn't express myself as in need for support I cannot blame them for not giving me the support I have never actually asked for - within this, I realize that when in a situation that I am not effective within and there is a structure of support in place, to push myself to ask for help,
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to ask for help because I don't want to seem needy within the desire to be liked and accepted, within this I haven't realized that I am compromising myself as allowing myself to go while depriving myself the support I need to flourish, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am responsible to support myself, no one else is responsible for me, and thus it is my responsibility to find the support I need, and not sabotage myself through not asking for the support that is clearly there waiting for me to address it - I commit myself to ask for help and assistance from anyone I see fit that is in a position to assist me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the other polarity of asking for help for things I have the answer to or can do on my own, this within a starting point of not trusting myself and / or not preferring to do the task on my own, within this I realize that if / when I commit myself to something I must take into consideration that I am willing to live the consequences of my decision, and not create a dependency on others within the hope that they will do it for me, and thus lace myself in a win/win position, where whether I receive the help / assistance I can walk stable regardless, because I have prepared myself to stand as the consequences and responsibility within the decision I have made - and thus I reach out for assistance from a starting point of working with that which is here, if assistance is available - great and if it isn't that cannot be an excuse to give up - because I have made my decision in awareness and must stand by all tasks and responsibilities
more on this memory to come
Thursday, January 31, 2013
this is continuing my previous blogs
Day 143 – Inadequacy
Day 144 - Inadequacy - a child gymnast
Day 145 - Inadequacy - Child's Play
Day 147 - Inadequacy - forgiving childhood play time
Day 148 - Inadequacy - Reading difficulties
Day 149 - Inadequacy – Self Created Reading Difficulties
Day 150 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food
Day 151 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food – Part 2 - Preparing Wraps
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to past experience as preparing farm chicken not to my satisfaction as a point of self belief that I am incapable of preparing farm chicken properly, instead of allowing myself to ask those around me and learn through a process of trial and error how to make farm chicken.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up an energetic experience of fear towards preparing farm chicken based on the past experience of myself as not being capable to do it properly, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself based on past experiences stored within me as memories, and thus allowing myself to be directed by the past as I create more and more self beliefs of inadequacy, instead of taking it into a point of practical self support as seeing what I have done and how it turned out, and exploring new ways of doing it, within realizing that it can be done, and if it can be done I can learn how to do it, I, thus, forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an experience of giving up within believing that I will not be able to pull it off and thus, within this experience allow myself to stress within projecting myself into the future as if I've already failed, thus allowing myself to move through out my day within a heavy energetic experience as I believe I've seen the future of my failure and I have nothing to do about it but walk right in to it - I realize that future projections as seeing myself fail are not supportive or constructive in any way, as they direct me towards walking my day in energy within the self belief of being a failure, instead of allowing myself to explore like an innocent and fearless child, going into it with a sense of playfulness, as finding out what will happen if I do this or that, how will it turn out - not allowing myself to be directed by the fear of being judged as I realize how limiting this fear makes me within my participation with it
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to explore new ways / recipes / techniques based on fear of not making it to the liking of others, not taking into consideration that if I don't allow myself to explore new ways / recipes I will never expand within the task of cooking, and thus am limiting myself as self expression as trying new things, playing with new way, and exploring new recipes - I realize that when my starting point is based on the result, whether others will approve or not, I am limiting myself and preventing myself from enjoying myself within and as the process of making / doing it, thus, when and as I see myself going into the energetic experience of fear / worry of what others will think of the final product as I am preparing it, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here to my physical body and to the physical task at hand, as the practical steps that need to be taken, I don't allow myself to entertain myself in thoughts / back chat / fear of what others will think or say, instead I focus on enjoying myself here, in breath, as I'm cooking, I allow myself to investigate the internet, cook books, recipes, and ask other people in order to expand myself and explore new way of doing it, from a playful starting point rather then a fearful one.
When and as I see myself going into an experience of stress due to fear of what others will think of my meal, I stop myself and breathe, I commit myself to immediately change myself as my starting point into playfulness and allow myself to enjoy myself within the physical actions I am involved with
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to people around me who state they do not like / enjoy eating farm chicken and thus, when I have decided to prepare farm chicken I allowed myself to stress over it within the fear that they will not enjoy it yet again, within the desire to please everyone with my meal, instead of allowing myself to go into it as a clear slate, not concerned about what others will think or how they will judge what I make.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to panic when I was cooking the chicken and they reacted differently than what I expected them to, as they became harder instead of softer while I was cooking them, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately go into my mind as back chat as blaming myself for even trying to make farm chicken, as using this point as proof and validation for not knowing nor being capable of making farm chicken, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask for help and assistance within an experience of panic, instead of allowing myself to remain stable within myself within / as the situation, and ask for help and assistance to receive practical support as to what I should do with the chicken within a starting point of common sense practicality and not a starting point of energy as panic, I realize that the energetic reaction I have allowed myself to exist within was not supportive nor effective as it blurred my vision and restricted my ability to direct the situation -as I allowed myself to panic instead of simply walking with breath and dealing with whatever comes my way
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within a panic as a coping mechanism, as I have created a belief / connection that if I panic I will get people to help me because they will see me as fragile, vulnerable and helpless, and thus I have allowed myself to use panic as a form of manipulation to get what I want, instead of allowing myself to simply ask for help directly and clearly, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust the support of those around me as I believe I must manipulate them into assisting me, instead of being clear and direct and not manipulative and allow them to assist me as they are practically able to rather hen from a point of emotional manipulation, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in deliberate manipulation, in order to get others to assist me instead of walking as self honor and self respect and as such honor and respect others as myself, and not allow myself to try and manipulate them, but rather accept their assistance if granted and respect it either way if they are not able to assist me in that moment - within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to assist and support myself within handling the situation - within this I realize that it is the accepted and allowed fear of failure that I have allowed to limited me by not allowing myself to trust myself enough to walk practically the necessary actions in order to "save the day" on my own if necessary - I realize that within self trust there is no place for panic nor fear, as I realize that I will do what can be done and will accept the result no matter what it is, within knowing that whatever it is I can learn from it and correct myself next time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about if there was going to be enough chicken for everybody, while at the same time was worried that I don't make too much food and have it go to waste, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the polarity of too much / too little food, instead of allowing myself to breathe and calculate practically how much chicken will be eaten, within taking into consideration that one cannot estimate exactly how much people will eat, and thus within realizing that predicting the future being impossible there is no point of stressing over it, but rather simply making a common sense decision according to the number of people that are joining the meal, within accepting that there might be too little or too much - again, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the point of fear of not pleasing everybody to direct me and my experience - I realize that as long as my starting point is to please others I am existing within separation: as I separate myself from "them" as I try to please "them" in fear of "their" judgment, not realizing they are reflecting me back to myself, as it is never about "them" but always about self's relationship to self as a disguised self projection , and as separated from myself, as I'm not considering myself in the very moment as breath, as I'm allowing myself to exist in energy within my mind, as a form of as abusive relationship with myself as I allow myself to go into and participate with energetic experiences as fear, worry and stress that I have not created directly as myself but have been allowing myself to be directed by, instead of supporting myself to stand stable in breath, and walk practically, simply and effectively, as self directive principle of and as myself, and for myself and others as myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within realizing there isn't enough chicken to then, instead of making a directive decision to add more chicken, I didn't allow myself to trust myself and asked for someone else to make the decision for me, thus abdicating the responsibility and avoiding the possibility of blaming myself for making a mistake as I can now blame another as they made the decision - within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid making decisions in fear of making mistakes, yet I allow myself to manipulate others into making my decisions so that the blame will not fall on me, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand as self trust, within making a directive decision through utilizing common sense and the assistance of others if necessary, and standing by my decision within accepting any outcome / outflow / consequence, I realize that by making decisions one places oneself in a vulnerable position if one exist in fear of making mistakes and fear of criticism / judgment made by others, but at the same time, within making directive decisions, one places oneself in a position of self empowerment, as one knows they are the directive principle, and only through being the directive principle can one calculate and estimate the situation and take full responsibility in correcting whatever needs be corrected for next time, whereas if one is not the directive principle and instead allows others to make the decision, one will never learn to trust oneself, and will never see the point of self responsibility because one was just floating around through other's decisions - I realize making a decision and taking full responsibility is vital as part of a process of self empowerment, self trust, self respect, and within this, reclaiming self's value - I thus, commit myself to build myself up one breath at a time, and push myself to take decisions, as a practical point of self support, as to face myself within making decision, to face myself within receiving criticism, to face myself within making mistakes, and to practice breathing as self support to stand through it all, to assist myself to learn from my mistakes and take them as gifts, as they allow me to explore myself from a new angle
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Thursday, November 15, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
Day 86 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 7 - Self Forgiveness
Day 87 - Fear Dimension - Inferiority - Part 8
Day 88 - Fear dimension - Part 9 - self commitment
Day 89 - Fear dimension - Authority - Part 10
Day 90 - Fear dimension - Part 11 - Self forgiveness
Day 91 – Fear Dimension – Part 12 - Fear of Losing MySelf
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as good/positive and thus fear losing this definition of myself within believing that without this self definition I will be lost/gone, not realizing that the definition I have of myself, based on the values/morals I was brought up as, as part of my family/society , is within a polarity of good/bad, right/wrong, and thus based on judgment of the mind, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by living as a self definition I am not allowing myself to actually see me, as know who I actually am, because my perception has been tainted through the desire to fit in what I believe to be desired/accepted by the society/family within the norm/value system , thus I have allowed myself to mold myself into a definition I believed to be suitable for me, thus suppressing myself as who I really am, as not allowing myself to see the parts of self that don't fit into that predefined mold, as not allowing myself to even know the totality of who I am in fact, in order to hold on to a definition I have created as myself, without considering anything else besides my perceived survival, not realizing that by allowing myself to be directed by the fear of survival I have actually sacrificed myself as life, and thus now, instead of allowing myself to expand as life and change within the principle of what is best for all life, I have trapped myself in self created and accepted definitions that I have created as a survival mechanism within self interest not considering myself as life and all as life in equality, allowing myself to exist and participate within/as the mind as separation of myself and reality as a whole
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a definition, as a one dimensional, static, based in the past, 'dead' definition instead of realizing myself as life, as a live, dynamic, ever changing, ever expanding, multi dimensional living being that is by definition indefinable because any definition would be a form of limitation/enslavement and thus not align with or supportive of life as who I am
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the definition of myself as good/positive within believing that it actually defines who I am, not realizing that who I am is not in fact limited to a definition and that existing as a definition is based on self diminishment as a mind manipulation to keep me enslaved within separation ad not know/realize who I am as life, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing definitions I believe to be true within/as my reality, as the religion of self as the religion of knowledge, as I have based my point of view on these definitions/beliefs and if I am to change the definition/perspective I have on reality it would mean I have to change myself as my point of view will change, within this I realize that there exist a fear within me as to not wanting to change myself, where I want to change without changing due to fear of change, due to fear of stepping out of the comfort zone of what is familiar as how I know reality to be, and to step into a new unfamiliar experience of the world and my reality through the new/corrected definition/perspective, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear change, and within that to allow myself to be limited as who I believe myself to be, not allowing myself to expand/grow/change within realizing that what I believed to be true doesn't stand, and thus must be let go of, in order to find a new and more accurate, more supportive, more applicable definition/perspective that actually supports self as life and all as one as equal and doesn't support the polarity of the mind, as comparison / limitation / judgment / abuse, I realize the world that exist today must change, and thus all definitions/perspectives that create the world must be changed in order to "make room" for a new definitions/perspectives that actually takes all life into consideration and supports life as what is here in the physical reality and not supports the mental alternate reality of the mind in definitions / judgments / limitations / beliefs / comparison...
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do everything in my ability to protect the definition of myself as good/positive, within this allowing myself to disregard myself as who I really am within the deepest/hidden parts of me as to ignore myself as the evil that exist within/as me as to remain within the self belief of being good/positive, not realizing that through not allowing myself to see the totality of who I am, and only existing within the narrow definition I have created for myself, I am in fact suppressing myself in order to exist/live as an idea, which is really silly when you think about it - I have preferred to live as an idea instead of allowing myself to be/live/express the totality of myself and within that to will/push myself to change anything that isn't aligned with what is best for all within the principle of equality and oneness. so basically, instead of changing myself from within to be aligned with what is best for all within equality and oneness, as being the person I want to be, a person of dignity that supports all life in fact, within and without, I have suppressed myself, and thus actually hiding from myself those parts of myself that require attention and correction, so instead of changing I have suppressed, not realizing that as long as I suppress myself I am still directed/enslaved by the points of suppression that I am hiding from myself, because of the fear of letting them come out, not seeing the influence they still have on me through allowing them to still be a part of me through deliberate suppression, so within this I realize the self sabotage pattern of keeping myself confined to a narrow self definition as a way to actually keep me enslaved to all the darkest most evil parts of me that are actually the directive principle of me as long as I don't face them and accept myself as them to, through accepting the totality of myself, without any judgment, change myself, through writing, self forgiveness, and breath, until I am standing stable as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the thought/idea of changing the definition I know of frequency, within believing that the definition I have is the only one that could ever be valid, not allowing myself to consider that all that exists now in the world is based on the current accepted definitions, and thus to change what is here we must allow ourselves to change any and every definition into that which supports life and is best for all, if we want to create a world that is best for all. I realize that the world is a reflection of all the definitions we accept within it, and thus all definitions must be investigated and redefined as to what is best for all, thus within realizing this I now see that any resistance I have towards changing a definition of any word is based in self interest, as I don't want to change the word because I don't want to change myself within/as the word, due to believing that I benefit from how things are as it is, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself and all within resisting the change and redefinition of words, and thus not allowing myself to consider changing the definition of 'frequency', I see within this I have attached an energetic value to the definition I have of 'frequency' as it symbolizes my studies, it symbolizes my intelligence, it symbolizes my knowledge, and that is what I fear letting go of - I fear letting go of the advantage I have over others because I have knowledge as to what is frequency, thus desiring a superior position of knowledge, instead of allowing myself to be humble, and to learn/create/accept the new definitions together, within only one point to direct as a living principle as what is best for all, putting a side all self interest as wanting to be smart/intelligent/superior, and to focus on the only thing that matters - equality and oneness as what is best for all
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing myself within giving up a definition of myself or of something I believe to be true, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the experience that I can be lost through losing/giving up a definition, not realizing that within this I am making a statement that I am the definition, a one dimensional, static, based in the past, dead definition, and not a live, dynamic, ever changing, ever expanding, multi dimensional living being, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself to a definition within the accepted belief of myself as a definition I have created myself as
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within fear and resistance when I experience/believe I am about to lose/change my definition of myself or of something in my world, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be enslaved to the definition within allowing myself to be directed by it, in defense of it, not allowing myself to be here within/as breath, in every moment and as the change of definition come to allow myself to look at it without fear, simply to see what is here within common sense as I allow myself to be the directive principle of myself and my reality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react when being corrected / told what to do, because within my interpretation of the situation I am being defined other than how I would like to define myself as, and within that I experience inner conflict as to who I am and how I am being seen, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a limited experience of myself and within that to protect this experience of myself within reaction as blame and anger towards others/situations that challenge myself within the limited experience I have accepted as myself, instead of allowing myself to let go of the experience as the familiar definition I have of myself and allow myself to expand / grow / change, accepting any and every change as a gift and allow myself to be grateful to any and every correction, challenge as to only through these points, of what is now still experienced as inner conflict, will I ever be able to see myself and change into a living being that is self directive, self honest and within that self supportive and supportive of all as life in equality and oneness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the thought/idea of changing the definition of frequency within fear of not knowing any thing anymore, not being able to trust anything that I believe to know, within fear of not being able to trust anything that I have trusted and have defined myself as all my life, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself as life, here, stable, standing, and instead to place my trust in knowledge and thus when this knowledge is challenged I experience it as I lose the grip of myself instead of remaining standing as I am here, regardless of the knowledge and definitions we use to explain/express reality - reality, as myself, is here, it doesn't need to be defined, definition is only a practical tool for communication, it is limited within it's application, and thus is used for communication but doesn't actually define anything, it is just an idea, a concept, within this I realize that I, as life, am not a concept or idea, thus I realize that changing the definition is using the same tool in a different way, to explain and expand the understanding, in order to provide a more clear view of reality, but that is what it is, a view, and not reality itself, same as me, the definition of me can only show/explain an aspect of me, it will never actually be me, as I am not a definition, I am alive, as life
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Friday, November 9, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire being special, within believing that only through being special will I deserve the right for being accepted / loved / appreciated, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that one needs to do something or be someone special in order to have the right to live in dignity and honor, not realizing that within this belief I am allowing and justifying abuse through disregarding beings due to them not being special, as not good / interesting / smart enough to earn their right to live peacefully
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I must do/be something special within the starting point of survival within the belief that I need to be accepted / loved / appreciated by others to survive in this world and live a life of content, not realizing that that within the principle of equality and oneness all have the basic right to live with dignity/respect/support and it is within this belief that I allow the current system to continue as it is within creating competition as to who is most special to be granted the right for happiness, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the desire to be appreciated / loved / accepted by others is indicating to me that I am not accepting myself, and within that indicating that I am in fact living as separation from/as myself, and thus it is not about being special, to survive through the acceptance of others within separating from myself, but rather about accepting myself within self honesty to be one with myself to be then able to change myself within the principle of equality as what is best for all, to create a world that no one needs/requires to be special in any way to survive and live a dignified life, and within not having to be special within a starting point of survival to be able to actually live as self expression as our individuality and allow ourselves explore/enjoy life as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being ordinary within the idea I have attached to being ordinary as not good enough, not special, not worthy, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept the concept of equality within fear of being like every body else, not realizing that I have attached an idea I have created in my mind, trying to interpret equality through the eyes of the mind, and within that exist in fear of equality due to the fear of not being special / unique, thus I realize that any fear I hold towards equality within the fear of being ordinary is a result of my mind's interpretation within fear, not allowing myself to realize myself as life and to see the vast possibilities of self expression when one doesn't live in fear of survival within putting on personalities of specialness, which are in fact all lies, in order to get along in society, based on the starting point of not actually accepting oneself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear/resist/react to being corrected due to the fear of letting go of my personality of being special, and within that to have people see that I am not as special they might have thought I was, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other people's bubble of me burst, not seeing that I have been living a lie within letting/allowing others to see me through a veil of personalities/characters, and thus have never allowed myself to actually live as self expression as who I am, within the initial starting point of separation, thus I commit myself to walking the process of self intimacy within self honesty, to know myself and accept myself and become one and equal within/as myself, to let go the desire of being special, within creating personalities to deceive those around me, and instead to live as myself in dignity, and will/push myself to change in any point I see need direction within a starting point of being/becoming living example of equality as what is best for all, within realizing that it starts with self as self acceptance within equality and oneness within/as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to present myself as special within a self created personality, within using it as a form of manipulation to impress others and get things done my way, while at the same time believing myself to be more than others due to believing my self created specialness, and thus more deserving of having my self interest satisfied, while disregarding all around me within considering their interests as what is best for all within equality as the interest that serve and support all, as I have defined myself as special, more important and thus more deserving to have my desires met, within this
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and justify the concept of specialness, and within that positively reinforcing children through telling them they are so special, within that creating the connection between being accepted and the necessity of being special, within that creating fear of losing that specialness, thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the very construct of specialness is based in fear, and is not supportive of life one bit, within creating the desire and dependency on being seen as special, creating the expectation of being special, creating the attraction to those that we perceive are special, creating competition and much much more, all in the name of separation, of not actually knowing who we are as life, not accepting ourselves,
I commit myself to show that the teaching/programming of children of the concept of specialness is abusive and disregards all life as equals, as it creates a condition of being special as a necessity for a substantial fulfilled life, within this I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself going into the energy of desire of being special, and bring myself back here in awareness of equality as all life is here and does not need to be special, all is what it is, and any form of specialness would be a result of judgment as separation
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Sunday, November 4, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
I start with the fear dimension, as what are the fears that come up within me, in regards to being corrected and being told what to do:
Fears
I fear making a mistake/failing/being wrong
I fear being seen by others as wrong/stupid/slow/bad at what I'm doing
I fear not being seen as good/awesome/smart/competent and instead being seen as everybody else - not special
I fear others thinking they are more than me
I fear authority / I fear confronting authority
I fear disappointing others as they "expected more from me"
I fear being seen as someone who slacks off
I fear being caught of cutting corners or not caring about doing a great job
I fear being yelled at or upset with or punished
I fear being someone's slave, as in being in a position of having to do what another tells me to do
I fear being taken advantage of, being manipulated in doing someone else's job/responsibility
I fear losing the self definitions of how I see myself as good/smart/competent/special/extraordinary/unique
I fear making a mistake:
Self Forgiveness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making mistakes, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define a mistake as something bad instead of seeing it as a gift, as something I can learn from and expand from, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for making mistakes within an expectation and self definition of myself to do everything good/perfect, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can/should do everything good/perfectly without allowing myself to see the physical process of learning as a path to get to doing something good/perfect and within that, as not allowing myself to see that doing something effectively takes a process of accumulation as practice, I have limited myself within the fear of making mistakes and thus not allowing myself to enjoy participating in anything that I do not yet do effectively/good/perfect, and within that have created resistance towards activities that I do not yet do good/effectively/perfect, instead of allowing myself to be here, without fear/resistance towards mistakes and thus allow myself to enjoy making mistakes within the realization that that it is an opportunity of growth/expansion
I commit myself, when I see myself making a mistake, to stop myself within breath, to take a moment to myself to see the mistake and take it in as myself, to accept myself as the mistake, I commit myself to within allowing myself to accept myself as the mistake to see the point of correction/expansion, I commit myself to stopping any judgment/ego that come up when I see myself making a mistake through breathing and bringing myself back to here, the physical body/reality, as I've realized/seen that the judgment that is based on expectation is limiting me through beliefs/definitions of what/how I should be and thus not allowing myself to be equal to who I really am in the moment, and within this I commit myself to allow myself to learn/expand/correct/perfect myself in my application through accepting myself as/within mistakes, and within that to direct myself within every breath and every activity I participate within/as to that which is best for all, without any limitation of fear of making a mistake, simply allowing myself to practically walk the steps and correct myself as I go along
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others when they make a mistake and hold it against them as a memory within myself so that I can use it against them if I ever need to within a starting point of competition/ego/self interest, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the fear/resistance I have towards mistakes is an outflow/result/consequence of how I allow myself to judge/treat others when I "catch" them making a mistake, thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that my judgment/behavior towards other's mistake is indicating/showing to me my fears, and within that how I judge/define them as they make a mistake is how I define myself within a mistake, which I then fear of facing my own definition of mistake which I fear, because I have defined it within a construct of competition and having to prove one self in order to be worthy of life, instead of defining it within alignment with life as a word/definition that can support us as life to create a world worth living in for all equally and thus stopping the separation from "mistake" as I use it within a context of self support, and thus not judge others and use it against them from a starting point of power/ego/self interest, but rather support myself and them as myself to grow/expand as we correct ourselves into perfection one mistake at a time, one breath at a time.
I commit myself to stop myself within breath when I see myself judging others for what I perceive is as making a mistake, I commit myself to support others as myself within realizing a mistake as a point of growth/expansion and thus not a point of judgment as "bad" to be hold against them within self interest as competition/ego/doubt, I commit myself to investigate my reactions towards other people making mistakes and to within looking at the specific judgments coming up within me as blame turn it back to self and investigate how I react towards myself in the same way as judgment/blame/doubt, I see within this a point of building doubt towards the accumulated mistakes thus, I commit myself to through redefining "mistake" as a point of self support and not as a bad thing to stop myself from holding on to memories of mistakes as accumulating bad points that build up as doubt, and instead to build up points of realization and accumulate mistakes as building block for expansion as building self trust within myself and as support for others building self trust within themselves, I commit myself to embrace myself as/within mistakes and thus to embrace others within their mistakes and to will/push myself to find the source/cause/reason of the mistake as cutting corners/dislike the task/ineffective communication/misunderstandings/lack of time and within investigating the cause of the mistake to find points of correction within/through writing/self forgiveness/corrective statements and to insure the source/cause is dealt with and resolved
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in fear of seeing/facing myself as a mistake, and thus I react when others point out my mistakes, thus allowing myself to be limited within fear to the definition I have created as mistake as myself, within this I forgive myself for not allowing myself to face myself as what I fear most and see within that that I can stand from it, instead of fearing it and believing my fear and thus always being directed/limited by the fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto my pride as self definition of myself and not allow myself to be humble as to accept myself as/within mistake. Within holding on to pride as myself, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie/manipulate/deceive/blame to get myself out of a position of admitting to a mistake, and thus having to put my pride aside, as I have defined pride as powerful/stable and I fear losing my power/stability and being weak, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define power/weakness according to making mistakes, not realizing that the real power is within self honesty, and in standing within self responsibility and facing all/any mistakes and learning from them into self correction/perfection
I commit myself, through writing, self forgiveness, and self commitments within the support of breath, to stop myself from participating with fears as I allow myself to be directed by them, I commit myself to investigate my reactions/behavior/thoughts/emotions in regards to making mistake and the fear that come along with them, and to through breathing and investigating the self definitions that I have defined myself as that I fear losing through making a mistake to stop my participation within/as my fears and to stand as what is best for all in every breath. I commit myself to expose the abuse and limitation created by participating in the fears that come up in regards to making mistakes as I limit my application within/as fear, as I lie/manipulate/blame to hide my mistakes within fear, as I go into spitefulness within/as fear as self defense for fear of losing my image I work so hard to build, as I hold on to others mistakes within the self created competition as survival of my ego, as I am fighting for my pride within self interest as my ego and not standing up for life within expanding myself humbly through making mistakes, I commit myself to build self honesty through allowing myself to humbly accept myself within/as mistakes, and to stop myself within as breath when I see myself acting from a starting point of pride to defend myself when in fact I have made a mistake that needs correction, thus I commit myself to breathe before answering, to stabilize myself within/as myself and to within accepting myself as the mistake to humbly see what I can do to fix/change/correct it within taking self responsibility for who/what I am and how/what I have done
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use mistakes as a justification, as proof of my unworthiness/inferiority and thus within each mistake I make or am called on I prove to myself as justifying the defining myself as unworthy/inferior that hides beneath the "positive" self definition I try to maintain, as if every mistake accumulates as I'm building a case against myself, as I accumulate mistakes as memories to hold onto against myself, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself the self definition of being completely useless, ineffective, unworthy of life, within the belief that if I hide it from myself I will not have to face seeing myself in such an unpleasant way, and thus exist within inner conflict as two contradicting self definitions, of good/bad, living as a polarity of self definitions hiding the dark/low/bad sides I believe myself to be and put all my energy in expressing/presenting/believing myself to be good and hide the bad/low/dark/evil side from everyone including myself, thus when making a mistake the dark self definition within me is activated and thus inner conflict is manifested as a "bad" experience of being corrected, but within this I haven't allowed myself to realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up a fear towards these hidden characters as self beliefs to come up through my actions and the judgments of others as they see me make mistakes and define me, in my eyes, as useless, ineffective and unworthy of life for making mistakes and not proving myself other wise through being perfect, within this I have allowed myself to exist within total separation of myself, as I have split myself into several self definitions as polarity good/bad, and have hidden some of these self definitions from myself as I judge them and fear others to see them and judge them, and I have allowed myself to create through this layers of deception as I present myself in a specific way, instead of stopping within the realization that all these self definitions do not actually define who/what I am as life, and are only limiting my self as self expression, creating a wall between me and myself as I don't accept myself unconditionally as I believe I need to prove to myself my worthiness through being perfect based on an idea/belief that by making mistakes I am justifying the one side of the self definition polarity, the side which I am ashamed of within believing it to be me
and so I commit myself to let go of all self definition I hold towards myself and others as I realize it is the cause of much friction and conflict, within and without, I commit myself to stop looking for ways to justify to myself my self definition wither good/bad, as I let go all self definition, due to realizing the vast extent of limitation/abuse within self definition, wither good/bad, thus I allow myself to peel the layers of self definition trough breath, within self honesty, and to recreate myself as life, not as definition, and to push myself to align myself with reality as the physical and not the judgment/self definitions of the mind
I commit myself to stop justifying to myself why I am worthless/useless/inferior, I commit myself to when I see myself going into self diminishment I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here to/as my physical body, I don't allow myself to participate in thoughts of self diminishment and thus I commit myself to when making mistakes taking them as empowering and not as an excuse of further self diminishment, changing how I use mistakes from a starting point of self abuse to a starting point of self support
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Monday, October 29, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog
Day 69 - Friendship - Part 11 – Spitefulness – Part 1
Day 70 - Spitefulness - Part 2 - Self Forgiveness
Day 71 - Spitefulness - Part 3 - Self Commitments
Day 72 – Spitefulness – Part 4 – More Characters – Self Forgiveness
Day 73 - Spitefulness - Part 5 – Self Commitments
Day 74 - Spitefulness - Part 6 - Self Forgiveness
Judgment - Being corrected - Not trusting - Fair game - Being miss treated
I commit myself to stop myself within breath when I see myself retaliating someone's behavior through the judgment and spiteful characters, within realizing that any retaliation is justifying/creating/accepting the existence of abuse/suffering/harm/evil and thus, I commit myself to do onto another that which I would like them to do onto myself and not the opposite as I do on to another within retaliation that which I judge them for as I do not want them to do on to myself
I commit myself to investigate within myself all points of comparison, as they indicate point I have not accepted as/within/about myself, and thus within allowing myself to participate within comparison I diminish myself as I accept myself as less than life, within this I commit myself to stop myself within/as comparison through bringing myself back here to the actual physical body, within/as breath, I commit myself to stop the self definition through comparison within the starting point of self judgment/diminishment, within this I commit myself to when I see myself going into spitefulness due to comparison I stop myself within realizing that I am "taking out" on the other my self judgment through spiting them, and thus not allowing myself to be here as self support as supporting them as life in every moment, thus accepting as myself a world of abuse/spitefulness/judgment, within this I commit myself to use comparison within a starting point of expansion as I see where I can expand and how I can perfect myself within/through the example of others, thus I change my point of view in regards to comparison from comparison based in judgment that allows spitefulness as an outflow, to comparison based on self perfection that allows myself to expand and be grateful
I commit myself to investigate myself as the self definition of myself, within realizing that to change myself to that which is best for all I must let go the current definition of myself and to do so I must first see how/what I have defined myself as, and thus I commit myself to use any points of comparison that come up within me as a tool to support myself in seeing the self belief I have been existing as, and within this to expose the religion of self that I have accepted as my self creation, and to allow myself to within writing/self forgiveness/commitment statement to create myself a new, as I birth myself as life from the very physical, as I stop myself as the mind and emerge as life
I commit myself to continue investigating within/as myself the point of reaction to being corrected, within this, I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself react to being corrected and to within breath take in what is being said as it is a suggestion for improvement and to apply what I see relevant within common sense, thus being the directive principle of/as myself and not allow myself to be directed by the reaction that come up within me as ego, that turn into spitefulness for believing/experiencing my ego being hurt. I commit myself to through walking a process of writing the points out to myself to allow myself to be humble and accept anything said to me as a gift that I have the directive power to, as I open the gift, use it in any way I see fit, through utilizing common sense as what is here in the physical reality, within taking into consideration the entirety of the situation, and make a decision that support me as well as all as equals, I realize that any reaction to being corrected is of self interest within the desire to keep up a self definition I have created myself as, as a character/personality, and thus I commit myself to use the reactions I find myself participate within as gifts, showing me back to myself bringing more points of inner conflict up to my conscious awareness so that I can take self responsibility and walk through them within writing, self forgiveness, corrective statements.
I commit myself to building myself up as self trust through a process of allowing myself to see/face myself as who I am, through allowing myself to direct myself, thus I commit myself to let go the fear of failure that I have allowed to limit me as self expression, so that I can see who I am within self direction, so tat I can learn, like baby steps, how to direct myself, within realizing that if a baby would fear falling when they learn to walk, they will never learn to walk, and the same goes for me, if I fear falling as I learn to direct myself, I will never learn to direct myself, and thus I commit myself to stop myself within breath when thoughts of fear come up within me in regards to directing a point, I commit myself to take it slow, and allow myself to make mistakes as I realize that a mistake is just that where I miss take something, and thus I have the opportunity to correct myself and take it from a different angle.
I commit myself , when/as I see myself going into spitefulness so for not trusting someone, to stop myself and breathe, to investigate what is it about the situation that is showing me a point of not trusting myself, and within this, I commit myself to stop myself for a moment and see how I can address the situation without having to trust the other, but to use myself as self direction to guide me within/as the situation, and thus to place my trust on myself
I commit myself to further investigate the "fair game" construct/character that I have allowed myself to participate within, within realizing that te outflow of playing the fair game results in my participation within spitefulness/blame, within believing I am being wronged, within this I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when/as I see myself go into my mind within thoughts/back chat of "it isn't fair" and to bring myself back here as the physical within/as breath, within realizing that fair is an idea/expectation I have created in my mind, and when looking at the physical reality one can clearly see that nothing is fair, as people starve to death, woman and children are being raped, people are being sent to die in war - life as we know it isn't fair, thus I commit myself to change myself as stopping the mind within realizing that the unfairness in this world is created by all of us, and only through stopping myself as un fair will I be able to direct change in this world, within this I commit myself to accept my responsibilities and not allow myself to go in my mind to the unfair game/character, but rather to commit myself on being here as the physical so that I can be aware and awake to see the actual unfair that is going on in this world and within myself as I participate in the unfair game - and to stop
I realize that as long as I have any form of self interest within me as the directive principle of me I cannot expect anything else from anybody else, and thus I commit myself to walk my process of stopping the mind, day by day, breath by breath, as I realize that self interest is a creation of/within the mind, and within self interest we all do what we can to win, to get the better hand, and thus to make the other the looser, our slave
I commit myself to breathe, I commit myself to breathe as I communicate with people, I commit myself to slow down within/as breath, I commit myself, when perceiving someone is mistreating me to stop myself in the moment and realize that any reaction to what another says/does is self created, and thus if I experience myself as being mistreated I commit myself to investigate the expectation I have placed as how I believe I should be treated, within this I commit myself to not allow myself to go into spitefulness towards the other because I realize as I go into spitefulness I am allowing myself to mistreat another wither in my thoughts/words or actions, within this I also realize that by going into spiteful I am accepting the idea of being mistreated and thus giving away my power as if someone else is responsible/creator of my experience, thus I bring myself back here, and breathe for as long as it may take for me to stabilize myself and stop the reaction within me
I commit myself to practice living the words as "do onto another what you would like them to do unto you" and within this I commit myself to humbleness, within being the "bigger person" not from perspective of comparison/competition, but rather from a perspective of living that which I want others to live, living the principle of equality, living the principle of love thy neighbor, and within this I realize there is no place for spitefulness to exist, thus I commit myself to stop myself again and again and again, within investigating each point through writing, self forgiveness and self commitments, until I stop fueling the character of spitefulness/nastiness/evil, until I stop.
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