Day 166 - Enslaved to Memories - Money and Morality

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

for context please read my previous blogs:

Day 160 – A life changing Decision
Day 161 - Shame - I've done nothing with my life
Day 162 - Running ahead of myself
Day 163 - Running ahead of myself - Self forgiveness
Day 164 - Enslaved to Memories - Failed opportunity relived
Day 165 - Enslaved to Memories - Correction
 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a point of morality where I can only sell that which I have tried and tested for myself, while not considering that practically that cannot be a determining factor within this current system where people need to make a living and cannot be self righteous about only selling products that they have tested, as for example med can sell hygienic products for women and visa versa - thus I realize that any point of morality is a distraction, as placing the accountability on the sales person while not considering the entire money system as accountable for the fact that people even have to go out and try to sell to other people shit they might not need in order to survive the system - thus I realize that within the current system no morality exist, and trying to perceive myself as moral would be within separating myself from the system as I am the moral island in the deceit of the system - while in fact no one can honestly separate themselves from the system because we are all creating it within out participation, as everything we do is from the system, there is no escaping it - thus, by placing morality on small aspects within the system I am dissecting myself from the fact that the system in it's entity must change, and until it does nothing I do within it can hold any morality - it would be done as the rest from a practical perspective of survival within realizing that one must have money to live in the system.
 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide behind the sense of morality as a way to make myself feel good, as a way to believe myself to being a good person that feels bad for deceiving others, when in fact any dollar that moves in the current system is deceptive, thus, there is no escaping it - the only moral thing to do is change the system so that no one needs to deceive to survival and that the system is designed in such a way that it supports all equally and provides for all their requirements for a dignified and satisfied life
 
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that not all have the luxury of being moral about what they do for a living, and thus, that implies that the point of morality doesn't stand in equality, because only those that are already part of the elite can afford to have the inner conflict of morality and be picky about what to do or not do for a living - within these words I realize that any point of morality is just that, a point of inner conflict, as a mind construct, creating inner conflict and friction to produce more energy for the mind to thrive on, thus consuming the physical body as the resource for the mind's energy as the mind mines the physical for it's own survival - using morality as a point of "feeling good and positive" as to lure self into participation - thus, I stop! I realize morality is a scheme to create a positive energetic feeling and thus divert ones attention from he fact that the entire system in which we exist in and participate in is far from moral, and within it all being interconnected, ones morality is deceptive as they exist in the belief that they are not participating in the injustice of the system, when in fact we all are participating and creating it, not one of us can be excluded from the equation - thus, the only way can ensure that one doesn't have blood on their hands, is to bring about a system that support all life equally, that the system is constructed in designed in such a way that the individual will not have to decide between a moral and non moral jobs, because under the constitution only moral jobs will be allowed - as suggested in the Equal Money System - thus, I realize that until such a system is in place there is no point in participating in the minds diversion as morality, but to ensure that one is stable within oneself, here in the physical, doing what needs to be done to set oneself free of the mind's control and limitation, so that once and for all self can be trusted with life as life.
 

 
If you’d like to educate yourself further in regards to what money stands for within our lives – here are two recommendations - enjoy 
The Soul of Money
Life Review - The Money Experience
 
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
 
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Desteni
Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
Desteni I Process
Equal Money System
Journey to Life Group
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Creation's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Earth's Journey to Life
Physics' Journey to Life

Day 99 - Giving up is an elitist privilege - Part 3 – Self Realizations

for further context: Giving Up on Myself - Life Review

Also please visit my previous blogs, if you haven’t already:

Day 97 - Giving up is an elitist privilege

Day 98 - Giving up is an elitist privilege - Part 2 - Self commitments

I realize that in any moment that I am not here in breath, as aware of myself breathing within my physical body, I am in a realm of the mind, existing within / as energy as participating in thoughts / feelings / emotions / projections / imaginations, within this I see, realize and understand that once I notice, become aware of myself existing as energy, I have a decision, I am faced with a choice - will I stop myself as the mind and bring myself back to myself as the physical within/as breath, or will I allow myself to continue, to follow the mind's temptation, within believing I am defined by it, by the emotions / feelings, within believing that I cannot stop - who I am within this decision, how I chose to be is what defines me in every moment, and within realizing this choice I see how I am in fact creating myself within every decision I make, so wither to stand up in self honesty or to give up as the mind - is always up to me, thus, when and as I see myself facing the decision, the choice, of stopping myself as the mind possession, and bringing myself back here to the physical within breath, or following the mind within a self belief that I cannot be freed from it and within self interest as the pursue of happiness and good feelings - I chose myself as life

I realize that I have allowed the idea I have that I am incapable of stopping myself while in an energetic possession, as back chat come up of "but I don't know how to do it", "I cannot stop", "this depression is stronger than me", to prevent me from actually stopping, to prevent me from even trying, as allowing myself to give up and be submissive to the energetic experience, within this I realize that as long as I participate with this back chat, as accepting the idea that I cannot stand up from the energetic experience, I will never actually stand and continue proving to myself my idea of myself was correct, not realizing that this idea isn't based on physical facts but just on a mind manipulation to keep me enslaved and trapped within the energetic experience, on the other hand, I realize that if I do push myself through the point, as not allowing the back chat to direct me, and within this to stop my acceptance of the idea that I am incapable, and push myself to breathe and support myself through bringing myself back to the physical as jumping up and down and shaking my body, or massaging my hands, I will be able to step out of the possession, because I realize the energetic possession requires my attention and participation for it to exist within me as my experience, thus, when and as I see myself going into and accepting the back chat of not believing I can do it, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back to the physical body in any way that is possible within the context of the situation I am in, I chose to support myself and to stop myself from giving more power/energy to the possession and instead give myself the power through standing up from within it, proving to myself that I am the directive principle and I am not a puppet at the demand of the mind - I am here, I am life, I am not energy, I realize that the energy needs me for it to exist and I do not need the energy to be here as myself stable in breath

I realize that when I exist in an energetic possession I fear stopping it, I fear letting go of it because it is how I know myself, I have defined myself as it, within this I realize that this fear is a mind mechanism to keep me from standing up as life, I realize this fear is not valid because I am here through all the experiences, I have been here through all the possessions, I have been here to see them come and go and change - thus I am here is independent on the energy possession, and doesn't require it to exist as I am here, thus, when and as I experience myself resisting to stop the energetic possession within fear of letting go of it, I stop myself and breathe, I remind myself that I am here, I breathe, and stand up, within this, I commit myself to investigate the point of fear further, and each time the fear/back chat comes up I commit myself to investigate it within writing and forgive myself for all that I have seen within it as my acceptance and allowance, to make the point clear to me, so that I don't fall in it again

I realize that within the construct of giving up on myself, within the belief I cannot stop the energetic possession as I believe it is stronger than me, I realize that within this I am trying to take the easy way out within self interest while disregarding myself as life and the consequences of my actions, within this I realize that I have used giving up to distract myself from the problems that are here, that are evident in the physical reality, as taking the easy way out and not pushing myself with all I've got to change the current situation of reality as myself, as it is based in inequality and results in much pain and suffering for many beings that cannot practice the privilege of giving up because it would cost them their life, thus I realize that within giving up I am not only giving up on myself but am allowing myself to give up on the pain and suffering that others are experiencing because of the very construct of the system as it exists today, the same system that has given me so much as consumerism, that I can turn a deaf ear to the abuse because it doesn't concern me directly due to being the elite of this world, and thus allow myself to give up in self interest

I realize that the only reason I am giving up is because I can, because I don't experience the immediate consequences, because I have support within the system and thus am not in a physical survival mode, within this I realize that giving up is an elitist privilege, that only those with money can afford giving up, as a childish moment of not wanting to take self responsibility and wanting others, as slaves, to do the hard work for them while they momentarily give up to then after the small "brake from life" return as if nothing has happened and as if there are no consequences, within this I realize that by exercising my privilege of giving up I am dismissing and disregarding all those that cannot afford to give up because their life circumstances is based in physical survival and if they allow themselves to give up they will actually die/suffer, within this I realize that by giving up I am accepting the situation of the world as it is and am actually deriving benefit from it, as stating within myself that I don't care about any one and anything that is suffering in the world, all I care about is that "I don't feel like it" and thus allow myself to give up, within this I commit myself to become aware of points/situations/events where I find myself giving up and stop myself within and as breath, within realizing that giving up is not valid and is a vicious way out of taking self responsibility within what seams to be an innocent/naïve self belief of incompetency, but in fact is deliberate and cruel considering all in the world that can't stand up for themselves and are waiting for me to stand up for them within the world system as I stand up for myself within the mind

For Further Support, a FREE online Course

Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online

Also, Please check out Links:

Desteni

Desteni Wiki

Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

Journey to Life Group

Eqafe Life Products - Self Help

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to LIfe

Earth's Journey to Life

Day 98 - Giving up is an elitist privilege - Part 2 - Self commitments

for further context: Giving Up on Myself - Life Review

Also please visit my previous blog, if you haven’t already:

Day 97 - Giving up is an elitist privilege

I realize that any experience I have is self created, and even when/if I don't realize how I created it, by not pushing myself to step out of the experience I am allowing it to exist with me and thus, any energetic experience I have within myself is always due to my participation, acceptance and allowance, thus, when and as I see myself within an energetic experience I stop myself and breathe, I push myself to breathe as I ground myself and ground the energy back to earth, I stop the back chat as justifications to why I am experiencing this, and don't allow myself to justify my experience because I have realized that any experience that I have not self directed within awareness is a mind manipulation that is directing me within self interest and thus will always result in shame and regret when realizing within self honesty what I have accepted and allowed, thus within the principle of prevention as the best cure/medicine, I commit myself to stop this snow ball from rolling through stopping my participation within the energetic experience as depression.

I realize that any time I give in to the energetic experience I am accumulating more energetically charged memories, as experiencing myself being weaker than the mind, and thus allowing the mind control to grow stronger as I diminish myself time after time, I realize that in order to empower myself as the living self directive principle of myself I must stop myself from participating and following the energetic experience and commit myself to breath, to stabilize myself, to ground myself, to return to the physical within touch and movement, to do whatever it takes in the moment to "snap out of it" to change my experience as to prove to myself that I am not completely controlled/enslaved to the mind, but that I do have self will power, and that I can stand up from within it, I realize that just as I have accumulated through out my life, many experiences as memories of me giving in to my mind, and thus have accepted myself as weak, I can accumulate myself as self support - as long as I will myself to stop my participation within/as the mind, and keep accumulating situations/experiences where I stand up and stop myself I will be able to deprogram the self belief of incapability/weakness/giving up and recreate myself as directive and powerful as life as myself

I realize that the experience of being depressed, as experiencing myself within/as a low energy, an experience of numbness/apathy/misery, is exactly that - an energetic experience, and within it being an energetic experience I realize it does not exist independently of my participation within/as it, thus I realize it requires me, to participate with it, through giving it energy as thoughts, for it to exist - within realizing this, I commit myself to when and as I see myself in an energetic experience such as depression/numbness/apathy/misery, I stop myself and breathe, I realize it is not a real experience as the physical is real, as the physical is here independently of my participation with it, it is an objective reality shared by all equally, while the energetic experience is subjective within my mind's perception and interpretation, created only for me and is able to exist here only through my participation as feeding it energy as thoughts - and the moment I stop participating, it no longer exist - thus it is in my power to stop, and my responsibility to realize what is real as the physical, and to live and participate only within that which is real, and stop participation with the lie as the mind

Day 97 - Giving up is an elitist privilege

for further context: Giving Up on Myself - Life Review

I've been experiencing myself low, at a verge of depression, not knowing what's going on within me, not pushing myself to investigate and explore the experience to support myself to find the source, to be able to stand up from within it, to be able to direct myself, but rather I have fallen into a state of giving up, allowing the energy to possess me, believing I am powerless, experiencing myself as if I cannot do anything to change my experience and thus, allowing it to continue, giving it my permission within a submissive expression of myself, as I have allowed many times before, allowing myself, once again, to abuse myself within allowing the depressed experience to take over, and thus existing as both the abuser and the abused, both sides of the polarity existing within myself, both allowed by myself, as I allow the oppression of self to continue as I believe the energy that I experience as depression is bigger and more powerful than me.

I was on the verge of giving up on myself altogether, wanting to hit rock bottom, rationalizing it to myself with the idea that is I allow myself to hit the bottom I will have to stand up from there, justifying giving up as an essential and even supportive part of the process, as if I cannot direct myself to stand up from where I am here, in this very moment, as if only if I push myself to the edge and only if I experience enough pain and suffering will I motivate myself to stand up and change. As if making giving up a directive decision - but who, in their right mind, would decide to harm/abuse/hurt themselves? If one can see change needs to be done, why not simply stand up and change? Why allow abuse?

I've been allowing myself, within full awareness, to abuse myself, by not shaking myself out of the energetic possession, by not stopping myself, as if only through experiencing myself broken, abused, weak, useless, will I be able to pick myself up - how fucked up is this, to want to hurt myself, to want to abuse myself, to not trust myself enough to push myself up from here, from where I am, but to justify more abuse and more suffering - do I have no self respect, do I have no self appreciation, do I have no sense of self motivation within common sense to realize that after giving up and crawling up into a ball I will just find myself in the exact same place, only that much more broken, with that much less self esteem, with that much less will power…

I realize that I am in a position that allows me to give up, because I am not actually in harms way, it's not that I'm actually being physically abused, I'm not being physically enslaved - physically everything is fine, and that's why I can allow myself to play around with giving up, while other are physically abused/suppressed/starving, while they cannot stand up for a change because they are in fact weak within this system, on the other hand, I have all the ability, the skill, the resources to stand up for myself and for them as myself, and I end up giving up, I chose to give up because I can, because I know I will still have food on my table, I know I will still have shelter, I know I am safe, because I am the elite, because I have money - thus by allowing myself to give up I am postponing myself from actually changing, I am postponing bringing about a change in the world, because it doesn't really concern me, because I don't really care, because I will survive either way…

This is why I say that giving up is an elitist privilege, because we have the luxury of giving up without losing anything substantial, physical as life, we can play around in our mind, as we masturbate with the thought of giving up, while others that cannot stand up for themselves die. They die as we whine, they are waiting for us to stand up, and we are busy giving up?... While they are the ones who are paying the price.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to exist in my mind within a state of depression, and not pushing myself to stand up from within it but rather allow myself to accept it as myself, as a fact, not realizing that my experience is my creation and thus i do in fact have the power to change my experience if i will myself to do so

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the low energy I experience is me and that it defines me as who I am, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to embrace myself as depression from a perspective of believing that this is who i am, which is in essence the reverse of actually embracing myself as that would mean to support myself as life, to get out of the energetic experience that i have allowed to possess me, and to not accept such self abuse as allowing myself to exist as low/depressed energy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the energy to take over me within the belief that I am powerless against it, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to convince myself i am not able to stand in the face of energy, instead of stopping myself as such thoughts and actually standing up within myself and moving myself to prove me wrong, instead of accepting it and proving me right, through not standing – i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that it is up to me in every moment, and thus if i stay in the low/depressed energy it is because of my acceptance and allowance, and not because i am not capable, because i have never really tried to stop, so how can i believe myself to be incapable of stopping, and even once i push myself to stop, i must realize that it might take practice and consistency, so even if i try and “fail” i cannot actually conclude that i am incapable, it would only mean that i must investigate the point further, and simply get up and do it again, until i make it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to give up on myself as a solution for my problems, not realizing that giving up is just postponing the inevitable of standing up as myself within self honesty as I realize that only through living self honestly as one and equal to/as myself will I ever find "peace", thus, I realize that giving up is not a solution but only prolonging the problem as allowing myself to exist within/as the mind, giving my power away in separation from/as myself, and thus allowing separation/energy to be dominant as the directive principle within myself and the world as a whole, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for myself within allowing myself to actually live as myself within self honesty and not as the mind in self interest as separation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up as an easy way out, as I have allowed myself to believe that giving up is like a pause on life, not realizing that there is no such thing to pause/stop life, life is here in every moment in every breath, I can either participate in supporting myself as life, or participate in abusing myself as life - the choice is mine, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to ever make any choice/decision because I have always allowed myself to exist as the mind as energy as feeling/emotions and thus have never really made a directive decision but always have been directed by self interest as within the desire to feel good through believing my feelings/emotions/thoughts as they will protect me and lead me towards a good life for myself, not realizing that within realizing existence to be one interconnected existence, I will never achieve true happiness as long as it is based in self interest because I will always know within myself the price others are paying for my happiness, thus within self interest I am deeming myself to a life of shame and guilt and regret, within realizing this I realize that my emotions/feelings/thoughts can only lead me down the path of self interest because they are created within/as my mind as separation, thus I realize they are invalid - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow my thoughts/feelings/emotions within believing they are bigger/stronger than me, not even trying to stop myself within already have making the choice to give up on myself which means to exist in self interest and suffer the consequences of shame and regret, thus I stop. When and as I see myself falling in the pattern of giving up, I push myself to support myself to stand, I realize giving up is not an option, it is only creating more pain and suffering in my own life and the lives of others as I postpone myself from standing and directing myself to change myself and the world as myself, thus I commit myself to support myself within/as breathing, as I breathe until the energetic possession has passed, within this I commit myself to support myself with physical movement as I have proven to myself that as I jump and move around and return to myself as the physical body, within enjoying myself as my physical body it is supporting me to "get out" of the mind possession and thus able to sit down and write it out for better clarity as to see the source of the possession as to be able to not fall in the same mind loop again.

To be continued

For Further Support, a FREE online Course

Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online

Also, Please check out Links:

Desteni

Desteni Wiki

Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

Journey to Life Group

Eqafe Life Products - Self Help

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to LIfe

Earth's Journey to Life

Day 67 - Friendship - Part 9 - The Debt System - Self Forgiveness

continue from my previous blogs:

Day 59 - Redefining friendship

Day 60 - friendship - Part 2 - Care and Support

Day 61 - Friendship - Part 3 - Care and Support - Self Forgiveness

Day 62 - Friendship - Part 4 – Limitation

Day 63 - Friendship - Part 5 – Quality Time

Day 64 - Friendship - Part 6 - Quality time - Self Forgiveness

Day 65 - Friendship - Part 7 – Consumerism

Day 66 - Friendship - Part 8 - The Debt System

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to help/support my friends from a starting point of expecting to get a pay back in the future, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be here in every moment and direct myself to do everything I do within/as breath, unconditionally, instead of imposing the past and the future on the moment that is here

I commit myself to practice being here as breath when I do thing for people or in general, as to not do it from a starting point of paying off a debt from the past, or an expectation to be paid back in the future

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be nice to my friends within participating in being a good friends character, and within that not doing things unconditionally within a starting point of actually supporting them as myself in the moment, but from a starting point of a debt system, doing it for them now so that I can get something form them later, in addition to the good feeling I get for believing I am such a good friend for compromising/helping and not even making a big deal over it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the emotional energy that comes along with the expectation/disappointment within the debt construct within friendships, as blame/shame/spitefulness etc.. ,I forgive myself not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by participating within the debt construct I am fueling the mind as I am adding unnecessary conflict to my life

I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath if/when I see myself going into the debt construct, to support myself with bringing myself back here, to stop the backchat, to breathe, I commit myself to investigate each specific point that opens up within the debt construct within writing out the point and walking it through self forgiveness until the point is clear, and I commit myself to within each point, draw the path before me through corrective statement as to insure I do not fall in the same point again

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceit myself and my friends as myself within presenting myself as a caring/supportive friends while all along keeping score as to see who owes what/how much to whom, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to actually care for/support my friends unconditionally because I have always been keeping score, making sure I am not the one in debt, and if I would find myself in debt I would act to pay it back within a starting point of clearing my debt and at the same time to deliberately create situations that I place others in debt towards me in my mind, through holding on to the point of debt in memory and thus living the past/future instead of being here in every moment as breath

I commit myself to stopping myself from participating within/as the debt system of the friendship construct, through the support of breath if/when I see myself keeping score, thus I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself do something from a starting point of expecting there to be a pay back, and within this I commit myself to stopping myself within/as breath when I see myself doing something within a starting point of paying my debt, I realize that by participating within/as the debt system I am diminishing myself and the beings around me, through not allowing us to communicate here but always bringing up and living in the past as memory, and in the future as expectation.

I forgive myself for accepting ad allowing myself to use the friendship construct as a format of competition through keeping score and thus to do what I can to be the winner which means to make the other as the loser, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the abusive nature of the debt system, making one dependent on and in debt to another, thus participating with and creating power/control/superiority instead of doing what is best for all within stopping such abuse from existing within myself and thus within the world as a whole, and to actually support myself and those around me through not living in the past as memory or in the future as expectation, as I realize past/future exist only in the mind, and thus are not real as the physical, as breath, here

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the debt system within friendships is based on lack of effective communication where one expresses to the other why they will or will not do something, and within this point I see that if they are expecting something in return it should be agreed on within clear communication and acceptance of both sides, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to practice and participate within effective communication because I have allowed myself to live in fear of being exposed as who I am within my hidden mind, and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live within self shame as a starting point of who I am within believing that the who I am within the back chat of the hidden mind is too shameful to share, and thus I have allowed myself to instead of correcting myself when/if necessary, to deceive myself and those around me and as consequence have created more conflict within myself and without as the communication with the other, through participating/accepting the debt system without questioning it to see if it's valid as a construct to exist within relationships

I commit myself , when I am asked to do something, to take a breath and actually give myself a moment to see/decide if I am willing to do this or not, within this I commit myself to base my decision on what is here now, and not project into the future expectations to hold as debt, within this I commit myself to communicate to the other if I do have any expectations and to come to an agreement as to wither it is valid and accepted on both or not

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the entire construct of friendships is based on debt as within the mere expectation of the other to "be my friend", each with their own definition of it, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "lone" my friendship to my friends within the expectation that they will pay me back with their friendship towards me, as that is what will make us friends, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be friends with all beings in existence as equals, where as the reason being that the ones that I don't "chose" as my friends - I don't expect to get anything out of them, and thus I am not their friend because there is nothing in it for me, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the entire construct of friendship is based solely on self interest and the living proof of it is that we are not friends with every one equally, we chose our friends to serve our needs, such as to feed our personalities or the idea that we are good/friendly people, or the belief we are protected and taken care of, because we have realized that we live in a cruel and evil world, that if we don't have anyone to take care of us we will not survive, yet we accept and allow others that are not our friends to walk around unprotected because they have nothing to give us in return to our friendship

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat some people better/different than others based on who I define as my friend, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change as I present a different personality depending on which friend/person I am communicating with, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be the totality of me within self honest self expression with every one I am in communication with and in every moment of every breath

I commit myself to investigate all personalities I go into and participate with, within my friendships and with people that I don't define as my friend, and within that I commit myself to stop myself from participating within/as personalities and allow myself to be here, stable and equal within/as every moment of every breath, through a process of writing myself within self forgiveness and corrective statement, to allow myself to see the self deception/manipulation I have participated with from a starting point of self interest, and to correct myself as what is best for ALL and not limit myself to living as what is best just for myself and my friends because I realize there can be no equality if I limit myself to just those that serve my self interest, thus I commit myself to, within breath, let go of my self interests, one point at a time, through realizing that the "highest" interest is that which is best for all, and thus I will not stop until I am equal within all my relationships and within all communications, stable as breath, here as life
 
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Desteni
Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
Desteni I Process
Equal Money System
Journey to Life Group
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Creation's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Earth's Journey to Life

Day 66 - Friendship - Part 8 - The Debt System

continue from my previous blogs:

Day 59 - Redefining friendship

Day 60 - friendship - Part 2 - Care and Support

Day 61 - Friendship - Part 3 - Care and Support - Self Forgiveness

Day 62 - Friendship - Part 4 – Limitation

Day 63 - Friendship - Part 5 – Quality Time

Day 64 - Friendship - Part 6 - Quality time - Self Forgiveness

Day 65 - Friendship - Part 7 - Consumerism

Many times within friendship one finds oneself doing something they don't really want to do, but they do it because they are a "good friend", they want to be nice, they compromise, bend over backwards, do whatever it takes to accommodate and please their friend… they do it within self interest, because it's within their interest to please their friend and feel good about themselves, but they make it appear it's for their friend. The point of self interest is complex, not only do we want to see ourselves in a good light, through being a "good friend", but another dimensions would be that there is an expectation that it will be seen and appreciated and noted by the friends, and thus in time we will be rewarded in some way or another, in other words, the debt that has been created through one being a "good friend" will supposedly be paid off in the future, and as in economics, holding someone in debt is a point of power and control.

So, here's a scenario to look at - I do something for my friend, lets say help them move their apartment, just because they asked me to and I didn't want to say no, I didn't really mind troubling myself but it did feel like a compromise and I noted it to myself that I'm doing it for them because we are friends, and that's what caring friends do. But I don't do it unconditionally, this event is registered, and goes into the calculation books in my mind and waits there quietly for an opportunity to open up the books with an expectation of pay back, while in the mean while accumulating similar events as they come along, and adjust the debt accordingly in my mind.

Then, after some time, there might be a situation where I am need of some help, or want something to be specifically as I want it to be, so I will find myself asking something of my friend, at times I won't even ask but expect them to know what I want/need, and, since I have accumulated all this debt in my behalf, they should be willing and wanting to do things for me - it's pay back time.

So from my perspective this friend now owes me and I would like them to "pay me back" when it suites me, and if they don't "feel like" doing whatever I want or simply can’t assist me at that very moment, I would react within blame, comparison, self victimization, self righteousness, spitefulness, and revenge - because "the owe me", "I am entitled to receiving this help from them"

I would blame them for not being a good friend with back chat as: "why don't they want to do things for me like I do for them, why am I always doing things for them, even when I don't want to, just because I'm a good friend, but they wont do the same for me", then I will turn to spitefulness and revenge as I lash out at them, using emotional manipulation to maybe get them to change their minds, or at least feel bad for not doing what I want, and I prepare myself within my mind as planning the next time they ask for something, I tell myself within myself, there's no way I will do it for them, even if it's not a problem for me, even if I can easily help... this is thus one side of the debt game within friendships, the side of the giver/helper, the one with the perception of power as they the other has debt towards them.

On the other side of the debt system, there is the side receiving the assistance, and thus owing the debt, and they might now feel in debt to the friend who gave them the support, they might try hard to show their support back to their friends whenever they can, to maybe mark off a few points in the growing debt, they might become spiteful towards their friend because they believe their friends is the reason they are feeling in debt to them, so they end up resenting the friend that is helping them.

One must realize that this debt is an illusion created within ones mind where one calculates all acts and actions and accumulates debt for oneself and the other, while within this process of debt accumulation, there is no actual agreement between the two through communication in regards to the debt and how it is going to be paid off, it is all hidden within ones secret mind and assumed to be real as a part of a "fair"/mutual friendship".

Another point within the friendship debt, is that there is an initial assumption that you have to do things for your friends just because they are your friends, by being friends there is a hidden agreement that it's OK to expect things from one another, things that haven't been agreed on specifically, so basically, what it means is that you can expect from a friend to do something, because it seams like something small enough to expect, and then, if the friend refuse to comply, you would go into disappointment because you had expected them to participate, and from disappointment you can go to spitefulness, and revenge, while within this you are not actually considering your friend within finding out why they cannot help out, and in some cases if you do find out you will convince yourself it's is a justification made by them to get out of why they didn't help you, not realizing what you are doing at the very moment is justifying to yourself the disappointment/spitefulness you have been participating with.

The debt construct of friendship can be found in every relationship, where we expect things from one another, we do things for one another, but within that we almost never actually to it unconditionally within/as the moment, within/as breath, as a self movement self directed decision, doing as so that once the moment has gone - that's it, it's done with, it's behind us. No. we do it always based on self interest and fear, within holding on to it as a charged memory, accumulating it as debt.

Self Forgiveness and Corrective Statement in the following blog to come

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Desteni

Desteni Wiki

Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

Journey to Life Group

Eqafe Life Products - Self Help

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to LIfe

Earth's Journey to Life

Day 59 - Redefining friendship

I've realized the deceptive nature of the construct of friendship as I have known it to be, I have always had many friends, I always enjoy spending time with people, but the more I walk my process of self honesty, the more I see the chains, the deception, the lies, the manipulation, the limitation… within friendship.

So here I am redefining the word friendship, the construct really, to clear it from all emotional/energetic attachments that I have placed on it, within a goal to be able to be equal to/with/as all, in other words, I don't want to have some people that are special to me and I see them as my friends and within this definition I treat them specially, act differently, have a different set of expectations of them, no, I want to walk with all as equals, and to do so I must let go of friendships and start simply communicating with beings, as equals

Gathering information

Self-allocation: how have I lived this world, how have I experience this word, how do I judge it, value it…

Friend is a word with a positive energy to it, I like friends, I want to have friends around me, I like people to think of me as a good friend.

What does it mean to be a good friend?
A good friend is there when you need them, they think of you, they care for you, they support you through hard times, they have similar interests/opinions/ideas, they do things for you thus you can ask them for help and expect them to comply, you do things together, entertain yourself together, spite/gossip about others together, they will have your back if someone is messing with you, there is an "us" within friends like a bond that is protected and defended, "us"/"them", there is loyalty between friends – your friend won't harm you, won't stab you in the back, won't talk about you behind your back, will protect your good name while trashing someone else's name with you. As a friend you are expected to only show support, even if you disagree you have to find a nice way to say it, to sum it up, friendship entails mutual support, laughing, having fun together, helping each other, doing things for each other, talking, doing things together, agreeing with each other, being nice to each other, but not to the rest, not to "them", it's an "us" sort of thing, a privet club.

There is a list of does and don'ts in friendships - thus there is limitation/restrictions, not actual self expression because you have to follow a set of rules or there will be consequences in form of conflict and emotional manipulation

So, what is friendship? A bond, connecting two or more people together based on a common interest, sharing a common goal/opinion/idea/belief, friendship is designed so that one will have company as more power, as back up, validation, conformation and agreement, I will trust myself more if my friends agree with me, and will doubt myself if the friends don't agree

Friendship has a debt system within it, I do something for you then you owe me and then I expect you to do something for me, then if you pay your debt you are a good friend

I see within the construct I have created as friend: it is someone that put's you first and shows you in all ways that you matter to them, thinks about when you are not around, looking out for your best interest, making sure you are ok - it is like an extension of self, all within a starting point of self interest, within friendship there is a mutual interest to look out for each others interest, and it is held as a debt, so there is a calculation, like you owe me I owe you sort of thing, and if you fuck up and don't watch my back I'll fuck up too and won’t watch your back in spitefulness

Dictionary definition:
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. ( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

Sounding of the word, associations to the sounds:

Friend
Fry- association: frying, making a mark like on a cow's skin, showing we are friends (friendship bracelets)
End - friends till the end, committed to each other / obligated forever
Rend - sounds like Rand, the South African currency, money
Rent - another form of payment, what is the rent for friendship?
free end - free pass till the end, anything goes because we are friends, we'll watch each other's back and allow each other to do anything for free
Friendship
Free end ship - we are stuck together on the ship of friendship till the end

How can I redefine this word as a living expression of the word in the world without my personal value, without polarity, how does everybody live this word? How can I redefine this word without trapping everybody in a definition , when i have placed a value on the definition and now everybody has to live that value.

Redefining friend:
an acquaintance, that has some specific characteristics, that one enjoys/prefers to have in ones company/environment, through utilizing communication.

This was a very brief introduction to the point of friendship which has played a major roll through out my life

Much more to come...

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Desteni

Desteni Wiki

Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

Journey to Life Group

Eqafe Life Products - Self Help

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to LIfe

Earth's Journey to Life

Day 58 - Blame Character - Part 8 - Society's Value System - Self Commitments

continue from previous blogs:

Day 51 - Blame character – Part 1

Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness

Day 53 - Blame character - Part 3 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Commitments

Day 54 - Blame Character - Part 4 - Being Repeatedly Attacked – Self Forgiveness

Day 55 - Blame Character - Part 5 - Being Repeatedly Attacked - Self Commitments

Day 56 - Blame Character - Part 6 – Enslaving Myself

Day 57 - Blame Character - Part 7 - Society's Value System - Self Forgiveness

I commit myself to investigate the ideal image I have created in my mind, within realizing that I have accepted as myself a social value system regardless of the abuse/harm/separation it entails within it, and thus I commit myself to investigate it for what it is and stop myself from participating within it

I commit myself to stop myself within breath and ring myself back here to the physical body, when/as I see myself participating within the desire to be seen in a specific way, as I have realized that it is within participation and acceptance of the social value system, and I commit myself to stop myself from participating within it, instead I commit myself to stand as life, and support myself as life, and all life as one and equal, not allowing any value system to separate and define that which is unconditionally life

I commit myself to stop myself within the desire to be seen in a specific light as good/caring and so on, and instead to dedicate myself to actual physical change, to actually being and living that which is worthy, that which supports all life, and not to settle for anything less than that, as an ideal picture that doesn't not value life but is what it is, a one dimensional picture, because I realize that is self compromise and within it compromising all life as a whole

I commit myself stop defining myself in comparison to an ideal I have accepted through what I learnt from society, and to instead allow myself to see myself as who I actually am, as who I have created myself as, and to then change myself step by step through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective statements, because I have realized that only through specific investigation of how I have created myself, and through taking responsibility for who I am within/through writing self forgiveness, can I change myself as what is best for all within supporting myself as LIFE and not as a picture presentation idea as the ideal I have desired myself to be

I commit myself to expose and show society's value system as the abusive/separating system that it is, for accepting and allowing to define and separate those that have the skills/characters defined by society as worthy and those that don't, within this I commit myself to show through recreating myself as the living example, that for a society to thrive we do not require a value system based in separation, but rather to live within self honesty as what is best for all, and allow/appreciate self expression in any/all forms, not defined as good/bad by a value system, but only within the consideration of what is best for all within self honesty

I commit myself to stop myself from participating within/as separation through accepting society's value system as defining people as worthy or not depending on their skills and characters, within this, I commit myself to stop myself as the judgment that I have allowed myself to exist as, and thus to investigate all points of judgment within myself that I have accepted as myself due to my acceptance and participation within society's value system

I commit myself to stop myself from participating within judgment/separation towards myself and towards others, because I have realized that judging people as worthy or not worthy based on society's value system doesn't take into consideration that we, as society, haven't allowed all to have the effective tools required to live a dignified/fulfilled life, and thus by not allowing all beings equal education/financial security/health care, we are creating a platform where there will always be those that are judged as unworthy so that we, the elite, can define ourselves as worthy in relation to them and based on the value system that we have created, and feel "good" about ourselves, within this I realize that all society's value system is in fact a function of the elite, used to separate themselves from the rest, the inferior, the unworthy, and through this value system to define themselves as worthy and thus justify the fact that so many people are living an unworthy/undignified life, and yet we do nothing about it because it is justified through our value system

I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself going into fear of not being accepted by society, because I realize that by fear of not being accepted I am in fact agreeing and participating with society's value system, and thus since I have realized that society's value system is a scam made to create separation and to justify inequality I stop myself from participating within it, I commit myself to through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective statements, to free myself from society's value system and create myself as w worthy living being that actually supports all life equality and does not accept any form of separation, within and without

I commit myself to use the fear of judgment as a gift, to able myself to see all points of judgment within me that I have accepted as myself, and through allowing myself to see/face myself as the fear of judgment to clear myself one point at a time from all accepted/allowed judgment, until I am here, clear of all judgment and free from fear, within this I commit myself to investigate any/all points of reaction within me in relation to fear of judgment/self judgment/judging others within accepting society's value system as a guide line, and within this I commit myself to stop myself from participating in society's value system, and to direct myself as what is best for all equally, within/as breath

I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself judging others as not worthy based on society's value system I have accepted as my own and have been participating with, I commit myself to when/as I see myself fall into judging others I stop and breath, I realize that any judgment I project onto others is a reflection/projection of my own fear of being judged within the point that I am busy with judging, and thus I commit myself to investigate the points of self judgment and to free myself through self forgiveness and accept myself and all equally as life

I commit myself to stop myself from acting within the limitation of society's value system and to allow myself to express myself unconditionally without fear, I realize this will take a process to walk through, thus I commit myself to when I see myself resisting from expressing myself unconditionally to investigate the point until I stand as myself in every breath, stable, here

I commit myself to walking a process of self acceptance, within stopping all self judgment, through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective statement, and through the realization that all participation within/as self judgment is limiting me from actually living, from being here within/as the physical, within/as breath, and this must stop, thus I commit myself to stop, and stand up as self acceptance, as life, within this I commit myself to stop myself from the dependency towards society that I have created as myself and to will myself to walk alone, stable here, within breath, through building self trust and self intimacy, to realize that all I require to accept me is me.

 

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Desteni

Desteni Wiki

Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

Journey to Life Group

Eqafe Life Products - Self Help

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to LIfe

Earth's Journey to Life