Showing posts with label honor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label honor. Show all posts
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Day 191 – Daily writing commitment restart – Day 1
Day 192 – 21 days of self dedication - day 2 - I am a pessimistic
Day 193 - 21 days of self dedication - day 3 - self sabotage
Day 194 - 21 days of self dedication – misusing the desteni process
Within my tendency to only see the worst I am replaying to myself all the back chat as self judgment, and within doing so I am constantly over shadowing the progress, or even not the progress, but the simple plain facts of my physical realty - and one plain fact is that I am still here - and I must support / encourage myself within realizing this, as a form of balancing out the usual self discouragement that I am used to feeding myself.
I realize there is a point of polarity here, and I am here to investigate it further, I am not satisfied as to leave things as they are, obviously, so it's not to say that for each discouraging thought I will come back with some positive reinforcement - but what I do mean, is that while I am walking the process of stopping myself within / as the pattern of self sabotage and self discouragement, I must deliberately remind myself the other side of the coin, as a temporary crutch to lean on and support myself with, as a bridge until the tendency to only see the worst is diminished.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be comfortable with assuming / expecting the worst, and thus, to "naturally" accept and participate within such thoughts of self diminishment / judgment, thus, enhancing the point which in tern leads to more judgment and so the cycle of self abuse
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself within the pattern of self diminishment and only seeing/ seeking the worst, to see the physical reality of the situation, and not only my mind projections
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the reality of the situation and myself within it, and thus deliberately only allow myself to see / express the worst, as if I do not know / recognize myself as confidant and trust worthy, and so, to remain familiar to myself I have become the manifestation of self doubt and dismissal
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I am here, and even though I participate in my mind, and do not yet effectively stop myself, and even though all the judgment and attempts of giving up - I am still here, and as long as I am here, I can stop and change
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I have been utilizing writing as self support more than ever before, and within this any comparison to an ideal or to others is just of the mind, and thus I must evaluate if the comparison is within a starting point of self honesty / support or self abuse / competition - and so, I realize that when I judge myself for not doing enough, I do not do so within a starting point of self support, but the contrary, I do so within a point of beating myself down - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beat myself down instead of finding practical livable ways to support myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself to change, but instead I would only find flaws and emphasize them, without looking for a practical livable solution - and thus doing so in self spite and not support
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all this self judgment is pointing towards that which I know I want to be but have not yet become, and so it isn't to dismiss the self judgment as invalid, because it is pointing at a valid point , but rather to not go into and participate with the energy of it all, but instead to find the point of change within it, and the point requires forgiveness - as to use the self judgment as an indicator, as a flash light pointing at the right direction - and so, it isn't to believe the flash light holds the truth, it is rather just pointing at it.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself within a constant experience that I must judge myself or else I am proving myself to being shallow and ineffective, not realizing that self enjoyment should be embraced, and is not "bad" if it is done within self expression, as simply enjoying the expression of self and those around - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself unconditionally
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself within a starting point of trying to be serious about process and the world through an idea that one must express a heaviness in order to sort this world out - but, lol, why would a harsh / heavy / serious expression be more effective within any part of this process, as self investigation, writing, self forgiveness?... There is no common sense in such an idea, it is merely an idea and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to adjust my expression to fit an idea instead of building and developing self honesty, through writing and self exposure, and then to express myself as who I am and who I want to be after looking at it in awareness, and not automatically allow myself to become an idea that I have not even until now investigated and thus could not have clearly seen the ridiculesness of it all
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be here in breath, and to move and act from within this one point of me being here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that today more than before I am more aware of what I am going through within my experience / participation / acceptances, and so, I slow myself down and realize this is a process and I am walking it at my own speed - I forgive myself for judging myself according to comparison and an idea and thus, blinding myself to the fact that I am walking, not only blinding me but causing hardship, instead of embracing myself and investigating why am I going slow, check if I can go faster or become more effective and practically do something about it, rather then judging myself and dismissing all that I am doing as a form of punishment and making myself worthless in my own eyes - not realizing that this enhances the problem rather than going towards a solution.
And so, I commit myself to be more aware of what is physical, and within this, to stop myself within and as breath, when I see myself going into interpretation, especially if I see myself going into the self judgment / diminishment character as a form of trapping myself without a practical solution for change, but only remain in the mind as thinking about it
I am here, and I am walking ,and I can prefect myself and become more effective - but I can do so only within / as self support, and not through self abuse - within this, I commit myself to practice being more self discipline, to making a schedule and re-fixing / editing it as I move along to keep it up-to-date with my current activities, within this, I commit myself to if I do not stay up to speed with my assignments to adjust myself and investigate what/why is going on - I commit myself to breath, to be here, to return to myself as the physical
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Monday, December 10, 2012
The following blog is a continuation of my previous writings, please read them for further context if you haven’t already :
Day 110 - Avoiding Work
Day 111 – Self interest can never be “right”
Day 112 - Avoiding work –Part 3 - Self Forgiveness
Day 113 – Enjoying Work
Day 114 - Avoiding work –Part 5 - blame and manipulation - Self Forgiveness
Within taking the responsibility to do something, one must realize all aspects of the task - what I find tends to happen to me, is that I will take on a responsibility, it can be as simple as making a cake as I did the other day, and will not take into consideration all parts of the task from beginning to end. What I find is that I will exhibit a form of "selective memory syndrome" where, when it comes to ending the task, which includes cleaning the mess I've made while making the cake, and cleaning up the cake tray once it's done, I will go into resistance and "forget" that this is actually a integral part of making the cake - within completing the totality of the task.
What I see is that this has to do with accepting the task within a starting point of energy, as an excitement towards making the cake or the specific task at hand, while not actually considering within practicality all the stages necessary to be done - so I will find myself "slaving in the kitchen" to make the cake (even if the cake/task is an easy/simple one) - then once the main part of the task is over, as all the people have eaten the cake, the energetic high will have passed, and there will be no energetic motivation within me to complete the task.
In cases like this what I experience at this point is an expectation that somebody else will do it for me, within a justification of "but I've made it, shouldn't someone else clean it" - well, I have used such an argument many times before, while not allowing myself to see/realize that if I took on myself the responsibility I cannot expect and impose any part of it on anyone else unless it has been agreed upon to begin with.
I see here two main points, the first is going to the task within energy and thus overlooking in practicality what it entails, and then when the "fun part" part is over there is no more energy left to motivate me to move and complete the task, and then I become sluggish and resist doing it, this brings me to the other point, that exists within/as the debt system, where I do not do the task unconditionally but am expecting to get something in return, wither gratitude or in this case, when comes to the parts I don't enjoy, like the end part of cleaning, I turn to the back chat of "they owe me" because I made the cake so someone else must clean after me - "it's only fair…"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do tasks from a starting point of energy instead of making a self directive decision within considering the point in it's entity and not be directed by energy within the expectation for an experience as reward, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to direct myself to do tasks within the principle of what is best for all and instead have been doing everything from a starting point of self interest as the desire to be rewarded within an energetic experience for doing the task, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not actually chose/decide to do the task itself, but rather chose/decide to do the task in order to get the energetic rush I have associated with it, and thus have not allowed myself to direct myself but have allowed myself to be a puppet of energy, allowing myself to follow the positive energy feeling regardless of what the task is, kind of like being an energy whore… within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the task I am doing within both not considering all it's parts/aspects and secondly not allowing myself to actually be one with the task, but instead live in separation from the task as myself, and do it from a starting point of separation as getting an external energy as motivation and reward to do it
When and as I am doing a task or am about to do a task, I realign my starting point to make sure I am not doing it from a starting point of self interest as to get any reward as an energetic experience out of it, but rather do it to do it, unconditionally, for free, for the practicality of it being done and for the experience within doing it and while doing not, not as a reward that come later that will then define my success/failure of the task, but as a self expression that is done in the moment and then it is done with
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within my privet self interest of individuality when I don't consider anything and anyone while present myself as if I do, while everything I do is based in the desire to serve my own interests such as getting an energetic rush for doing something "for others" within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself as life, as one and equal to all that is here, and within that to realize that acting from self interest is separating myself from the life within is myself, and thus creating in my life and the world as a whole conflict and friction within living as a "split personality" as the manifestation of separation of self derived from acting from a starting point of self interest, instead of including all life in all my decisions, and walking a path that is best for all and supports all life, and thus in every decision I make, I commit myself to stop and breathe, to investigate the starting point as myself and to correct/align myself as my starting point to that which I best for all within realizing that only that which is best for all is actually best for me as well, thus, when I do a task I realign my starting point to not allow myself to direct myself within/as energy, and within that I slow myself down, I consider all aspects of the task and will myself to complete them all as part of the responsibility I have taken, within building self respect as standing by my decision to do something and do it in completion
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things within a starting point of a debt system where I calculate my actions in relations to what I perceive others are doing, and judge and expect and demand that others pay up their debt that I have created within my mind, with no communication and agreement whatsoever, simply taking for granted that my set of values will be accepted by all and that my self interest will be accepted by all, and within this have not allowed myself to communicate and design a stable relationship with those around me, but simply doing things and then build up expectation that cause friction and conflict in all our worlds, instead of stopping myself within breath, and making sure that any thing I do I do unconditionally, and not expect any thing in return - I realize that if I detect any form of expectation to get anything in return for doing something, I know I have been acting from self interest and thus I commit myself to stop my back chat, and breathe until I have directed and grounded the expectation and can walk stable and do what needs to be done, without expecting anything in return, and within this allow myself to simply walk the task, as myself, to completion, to honor the task as myself as life as a whole and walk all practical physical steps that must be walked
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Wednesday, November 28, 2012
For profound insight and further context as to what I will be writing about in this post, please consider gifting yourself with the awesome interview series - Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
A life chamber is that which contains life, that in which life exists within.
The physical, as earth, is the chamber of all life, just as each and every one of our physical bodies is a chamber of life, just as each one of us was conceived and developed in the womb of our mother as a life chamber, protecting us as life from all harm, supporting us, nurturing us, developing us.
We begin our life in a life chamber, as the womb of our mother, while our mother is existing within her life chamber as her physical body, within the physical reality as a life chamber, in which all life exist within.
Unfortunately, we as humanity, have got it all wrong, we are obsessed with our mind, possessed within it's illusions of separation, and completely neglect the physical reality, the physical which is our home - the physical is our home in a profound meaning, as it is who we are as life, as we are all made from the dust of the earth, equal and one with all that exist as the physical reality - yet, it seams that we, as humanity, have made it our life goal to destroy our home, to destroy the physical, to disregard and abuse earth, nature, animals, plants and our physical body as ourselves.
Now, back to the chamber of life, one must ask oneself who is responsible for whom - is the chamber responsible for the life within it, or is life responsible for the chamber, or consider the possibility that it is a mutual agreement between equals, where both the chamber and life itself are responsible of each other as one and equal, within the principle of equality - I would say an agreement between the chamber and the life within it makes the most sense, supporting each other as themselves as they realize they are actually one and equal. As this is the case, it seams to me like, we, as humanity have not been keeping our end of the agreement to support and respect the chamber of life in which we exist within, as our physical bodies, as earth and existence as a whole. It seams to me that we exist within an agreement, an agreement that we have failed and betrayed, and the proof is evident as we can see the consequences all around us, as the abuse, suffering and basic evil that is revealed within every thing us humans touch or come near to.
Lets have a look at a mother as she represents the source of all humanity, the origin from which each and every one of as came from, as we explore the different life chambers in a mother's life - there is the "womb chamber" as the mother's womb, in which her child, as the next generation of life, grows, develops and prepares to being birthed as a living being in the physical reality. There is the "physical body chamber" in which the mother herself, as a living being, exists within, as her physical body , and there is the "existence chamber" in which all humanity exist within, where the mother, as a part of humanity, as an organ in the organism of humanity, exists within the "existence chamber" as the physical reality, as earth, nature, sun, rain - all are part of the chamber of life in which humanity, and all living beings, exist within. So the womb chamber is within the physical body chamber which is within the existence chamber, and thus all three are connecter, intertwined with one another and influence each other - further more, we will see that all relationships between the chambers and the life within it, in all dimension, are one and equal, so that the same relationship we see between humanity and the physical existence, we will see between the individual human and their physical body, and that will indicate the relationship within the womb, as a one and equal expression of what we accept and allow within ourselves and within our world, as above so below, as within so without - all levels, all dimensions, all relationships are showing us the same thing - who we are as what we accept and allow within ourselves and the world as a whole.
The life chamber could be one of support and it could also be one of abuse just as a chamber of a prison cell. we, as human beings, have created this world as a chamber of abuse through failing our agreement with it, instead of having created it into a chamber of support, a heaven on earth, that all life live as one, in fulfillment, joy, and security, through our directive principle of taking self responsibility within the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all. But again, as we can see - as within so without - we have been abusing our bodies and thus created our bodies as chamber of abuse, as it reflects ourselves back to us with disease and pain. within common sense, it’s clear to see that as a result of all physical bodies being abused, our mothers womb would have always represented such abuse, and thus, has never been a chamber of support and growth, but as a platform of preparation to bring the next generation of life into to a world of abuse.
As long as we don't find it within ourselves to respect ourselves as our physical body, to support and respect earth within the physical existence as a whole, as long as we don't learn to take care of our home as the chamber of life, how will we ever be able to create a chamber, in all dimensions, that will be supportive for our children , as the new life that come into this world, innocent and naive, only to find a world of horror, abuse and suffering. If a mother, as a representative of humanity, as the core of humanity, doesn't care for herself, doesn't respect her body or the physical as a whole, how will she provide an effective and supportive womb chamber for her child to develop in? how will she then educate her child to care for and to support life?
The horses, in their interview show and explain how they live as one with the physical, how they experience pregnancy, how they experience the physical as one and equal - we have much to learn from them - We must stand up and change ourselves in all dimension, from the way we treat physicality as the earth and nature , to how we treat our bodies, to how we treat ourselves, to how we treat each other, and then, how we prepare ourselves to create and bring about a living being, a new life, that will be supported from their first breath until their last.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, as part of humanity, to abuse the physical reality, as earth, nature, plants, animals and all living beings, instead of honoring the agreement between all that is here as supporting each other as life, as one and equal, through considering and caring for all life in every breath I take
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am destroying the home in which I exist in, as the life chamber, as the physical reality, and thus, not realizing that by destroying it I am actually destroying myself and all life as one
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to honor all that is here as life, as the physical reality, and within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to honor myself as life as the physical body, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that through living as self expression of honoring life, I would prepare the world and myself for the next generation of life, for them to be welcomed as we allow them the basic living right as being born into a world of honor and support, a world where every living being is supported, honored and respected from birth till death
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as a woman I have a responsibility to support myself as my physical body within supporting myself as the physical reality as the chamber of life, to through correcting the relationship I have towards myself as the physical, to prepare myself to support the next generation of life, as through supporting and respecting myself as my physical body will I be able to support a living being growing within me, within the womb chamber I have prepared for them, and thus to support the next generation of life through all the steps of their development, from conception, till birth, through their first breath and until their last
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand the vast consequences of not caring and considering all life within/as the physical reality, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as within so without, thus not honoring the physical is a mirror of not honoring self as life, and thus a predetermined condition of not honoring the next generation of life, as our children, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that we, as humanity, are creating new life everyday, through baring children, even though we can't take care of them nor support them, because we have never cared for anything that is a live, thus, I realize that we must change, we must learn to respect all that is here, we must learn to respect ourselves as life, we must stop the abuse we have been participation within and accepting as a "part of life", and only through changing ourselves, will be able to bring forward new life and trust ourselves that it won't be abused and neglected, but will be taken care of and supported as it learns to take care and support all that is here and live in honor of the agreement that we have broken, thus correcting the sins of the fathers (and mothers). Within this i realize that for our children to mend the mistakes we have accepted and created, we must prepare them, we must thus, prepare and change ourselves, or else the abuse will keep existing into infinity, until humanity would completely destroy every living thing, including itself
I commit myself to continue walking the desteni process of self change through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements as a process of self investigation within self honesty, until I trust myself completely that I have freed myself form the enslavement of the mind and am no longer existing from a starting point of self interest, but from a starting point that is best for all, where within each breath I take, I support, care for and honor myself as life, and all life as one and equal.
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Thursday, October 11, 2012
continue from previous blogs:
Day 51 - Blame character – Part 1
Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness
Day 53 - Blame character - Part 3 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Commitments
Day 54 - Blame Character - Part 4 - Being Repeatedly Attacked – Self Forgiveness
Day 55 - Blame Character - Part 5 - Being Repeatedly Attacked - Self Commitments
Day 56 - Blame Character - Part 6 – Enslaving Myself
and another related blog: Day 26 - Wanting to be accepted
Through out this point of looking at the Blame Character, I recognize that I have a desire to be seen in a specific "light", while within the point of experiencing myself as I'm being attacked I feel like I am not seen as I desire to be seen and there is a fear within that as to how others will see me as
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be seen in a specific light so to speak, to be seen as a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person, within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place more value/attention/effort towards how people see me rather than actually living as the ideal that I want to be seen as
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself based on an ideal that I have created in my mind, not realizing that this ideal I desire to be has been programmed into me as the society's value system, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate the implications of participating/allowing such values to direct me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by society's value system as the desire to seen as a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person, and I have not realized that within that I am defining those with these characters as more valuable/worthy than those without, and within that I am allowing myself and society as myself to be the judge all mighty, deciding who is worthy of the title of being a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person and who isn't, and thus to deem them as unworthy of social appreciation and thus support, in other words banning/excluding them from society, which in turn translates into the ability to survive
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that by allowing myself to judge myself and others based on society's value system that I have accepted as my own, I am giving permission to separation within forming a defining line between those that make it and those that don't, and within accepting such a line to exist as an outflow of society's value system, I have allowed myself to exist in fear of being on the "wrong side if the line" and to as a result not receive social appreciation and support, within this I forgive myself for not seeing, realizing and understanding the implication of such a line as separating between those with the "right" social skills and those without, as a life or death sentence, where those who do not hold these skills are pushed aside from society and are disregarded and ignored, and thus do not have an equal chance to have a fulfilled and dignified life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged by others, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept myself without judgment and thus fear the judgment of others because I have made others the judge of me as they have the eyes to see if I am worthy to be accepted or not, and thus when I perceive my place in society is threatened through a remark/comment stating I am not aligned with society's values I react in anger and blame because I fear being disregarded and ignored as I have disregarded and ignored those that I have judged as unworthy, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard and ignore others that don't fit my value system that I have accepted from society, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the immense abuse and harm created by a value system that is based on judgment and separation
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in fear of being seen as one of those that is judge as unworthy for social appreciation and within that to create myself as an act, to be sure that I follow the social value system and appear to be what I perceive society expects of me to be, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lash out at people that see/judge me as anything other than how I desire to be seen, as a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person, and to then react within fear of being an outcast of society for not standing in the standard society has created and I have accepted to be valid, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself the fear of being an outcast and instead transform and project it onto the other in a form of blame, as I blame them for seeing through the act that I put on, and thus as I am threatened by them for blowing my cover, I attack them with blame, while experiencing it as they have attacked me by defining me as that which is unacceptable by society, within that hiding from myself all the layer of who I am as fear/judgment/blame so that I can go on believing that I am a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person while all along I have manipulated myself and all those around within the situation by putting on this act just to be accepted by society, and not allowing me to live as myself within self expression as I fear revealing myself for who I really am
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dependent on society's acceptance within a belief that I must be accepted to survive, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that experiencing myself as accepted, must start with self acceptance, and thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as who I am without judgment because I have already accepted the value system of society and within that have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through judgment as unworthy and thus must hide myself within acting as a character that society will approve, not realizing that this is all due to my acceptance of society's value system, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of society's value system and to actually get to know myself for who I actually am, without judgment, and within knowing myself to be able to take responsibility for who I am and change myself, not as society's value system, as it is based on polarity and creates separation and abuse, but on common sense within what is best for all through honoring myself as life, and respecting all life
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take on society's value system as my own value system, while not allowing myself to investigate all points and outflows of such a value system, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the abuse within the separation that society create through it's value system, as well as the abuse I create within accepting the value system of society as my own, through defining people as better/worse depending on their expression and skills
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