Showing posts with label decision. Show all posts
Showing posts with label decision. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
I've been writing in the past few days about self commitment, this following blog is extracted from my writings, which once I finish I will publish here as well, but for now just a few realizations that came up as I was walking through some points.
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I realize in each moment, in each breath, in each decision, I am faced with two options, I can support myself or not, I can direct myself or not, I can stand stable in breath or not, I can respect myself or not, I can honor myself as life or not, I can care for myself or not, I can be self honest or not, I can do what is actually in my best and highest interest as following the principle of equality and oneness and acting in alignment to what is best for all, or not.
I have a choice in each moment, and in each moment I am making and living out my decision – each decision accumulates and joins the rest, and in each decision I am creating myself, expressing who I am, as what I am deciding myself to be, what I am accepting and allowing myself to be and exist as.
It’s like each decision is a brick in the wall of myself as who I am, and so I must chose which bricks to build myself with, and these bricks will define the outcome of who I am – which brick am I using / going to use / have allowed myself to use in order to build myself from? And, am I brave enough to tare to wall down once I see that it is built with rotten and destructive bricks, will I allow myself to brake the wall of myself down in order to rebuild myself in self directive awareness?
I commit myself to dedicate myself to “accumulating bricks of self support” - when and as I see that I am participating in anything that is in contradiction to self support / self honor / self respect / self care / self honesty – I stop myself and breathe, I remind myself that I have a choice in each and every moment, and must decide who I want to be and become, I am creating myself in every breath and in every decision – and so I breathe, and walk the practical application of self honor / self respect / self honesty / self support / self care within that moment. And I trust myself to know what to do, and how to live self support / honesty / respect / honor / care in every moment.
When and as I see myself participating in anything that contradicts self support, I stop myself and breathe, and I show myself in words what I am participating in, and within showing myself and bringing it to my awareness clearly, I stop and direct myself without any hesitation towards self support / care / honor / respect / honesty.
As I’m writing this I see, realize and understand clearly that walking this path of self support /self honesty is truly a path of no energy, it is simply following the decision to walk in self honesty, not following the desire / thrill / excitement, but only walk what is best for all, simplistically - one will not get a thrill by walking this path, one will not experience an excitement or any form of positive high energy – thus I must be willing to give up the desire / dependency / addiction to positive high energy – I see it as a giving up because I still attach positive value to positive energy, I have a memory experience of it being nice and fun, and the thought of giving it up has a negative energy to it, like a loss – but, here I realize that I am allowing myself to be defined and directed by a memory and a thought, a memory of a positive energetic experience and an emotional thought as the fear of losing the possibility of experiencing again, that which I have a memory of.
As I’m writing these words I am experience like a low energy, which is raising doubt within me “am I doing the right thing?” but I breathe, and I know that this doubt is just another thought, another energy, another point I didn’t direct and thus I must not allow myself to be directed by. Simple as that. I am experiencing it as a break up, as a mourning, as an acceptance that I must say goodbye to all energetic experiences / thrills - it’s funny, I am even looking for an energetic feeling within making this decision, wanting to know if I have made the right decision through the confirmation of a good feeling, but there isn’t any, and so, the tendency is to fall right into doubt.
Making a decision – realizing I must not follow excitement / energy – realizing that this means giving up on energy / excitement – noticing the experience / thought of it being giving up brings up self doubt as to whether I am doing the “right” thing for me or not - realizing it is just another thought as negative energy and I must not allow it to direct me – because I, as myself, in self clarity, in common sense, in self honesty have made a decision as to who I want to be and how I want to walk and what principle I want to be equal to within my application – and so, anything else is just distancing myself from my self directive decision as myself – I have been allowing myself to chase my own tale, going around in circles, and not getting anywhere, always reaching the same point again and again, instead of allowing myself to walk forward, into the direction I have set myself to walk in.
Shit, man, how long will I allow myself to continue this way before I am fed up with it??
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect to feel / experience something positive within me when making a decision, and so, when the energy is not there, when there isn’t an excitement / thrill I go into self doubt towards the decision, but, within this I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see and realize that I, as who I really am, as the physical, as breath, as life, as here - do not rely on energy, and thus a directive decision does not rely / depend on energy to prove it right – and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed / controlled/ enslaved by / to energy and within the seek / desire for constant energy to compromise myself and not stand equal to and one with my decisions
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I’ve got an energy problem, that I am addicted to energy, that I desire it and follow it and want it and will manipulate for it within a deep experience and self belief that I am nothing without it, a belief that life is meaningless without experiencing it energetically.
This is the point of experiencing a sadness towards the thought of giving up the thrills / excitements within deciding to only walk what is best for all, as self support – it’s a future projection of never again allowing myself to indulge in positive high energies - it’s funny, in my mind I compare my decision to give up the energy in making decisions to what people experience when they get married, as they are giving up the opportunity and within that the excitement to be with another partner, by committing to being monogamists - but, in actuality, in both scenarios, there isn’t anything to give up besides an idea, that’s what is so ridiculous.
Another small point I see is that I’ve made many decisions that I felt so good about, like this is the right thing to do and I’ll do it like this and like that… and I go into future projections and fantasies on how I achieve this decision, and then I don’t follow through as I did in my imagination, so in essence I have proven to myself that this energy in making a decision doesn’t last, and what lasts way after the energy has dissipated is the decision itself. And so not having the energy in the first place shouldn’t affect the decision in any way.
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Saturday, March 30, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
Day 182 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self forgiveness
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I realize that dedication is a behavioral pattern that can be learn with practice, and within this, I realize that believing it is a skill that I lack is an excuse / justification as to not apply myself and push myself into becoming the living expression of / as dedication, as making decisions and walking them into practicality physically, I realize that becoming dedicated, as breaking the pattern and self belief of not being dedicated will require work and effort and basically will be uncomfortable as change is uncomfortable, and so, when and as I experience uncomfortablility due to the resistance of me not wanting to change, I stop myself and breathe, I realize that changing myself from believing I am incapable of dedication, into living dedication as self expression will take time and effort and won’t be easy, but only through walking this process will I be able to prove to myself that I am directive myself as I am able to make a decision and trust that I will walk it into action – thus allowing myself to be dedicated, being free to be dedicated – and so, I commit myself to slowly but surly become more and more stable within my application until I am standing as dedication as the living expression of / as myself - as trusting myself at all times that I will live into actions all decisions I make, within considering what is best for all in common sense and practicality.
I realize dedication as a living word is not an energetic experience but is a physical application of making a clear and directive decision and walking into physical practicality – thus, I realize that any energy I have connected to “dedication” is of the mind and does not stand as life, and so, I commit myself to let go within breath any idea of energy I am still holding onto in relation to dedication, and within this to let go the accepted experience of self judgment within believing I am not good enough due to believing I am not dedicated, while placing a positive value on that word and thus justifying my self disappointment – all energy – and thus not valid as life and not in support of life as the simplistically of the physical. And so, I commit myself to red flag all energetic experience I experience in relation to dedication, and if and when such energy comes up to stop myself and breathe, and breathe until I am stable, within realizing that this energy is separating myself form myself as life as it is blinding me form the physical reality that is happening under my nose and is shifting me to the illusion world of the mind.
When and as I see myself facing a word / idea / definition within believing that I cannot live it, I realize this is a belief construct where I have separated myself form the word within defining the word deliberately in a way that cannot be lived, and thus setting myself up for a fall, within this, I commit myself, when I see myself facing a word that I believe / experience myself that I cannot live, I stop myself in the moment and breathe, I bring the word here and redefine it as a livable word, as a living word, and within this I commit myself to explore myself as the word and break through the barrier of fear and limitation I have accepted as myself, and instead push myself to expand to grow and not accept anything less than myself as who I am as life, as one and equal to all that is here in existence. And so, practically I commit myself to investigate any word I see myself separated from, as within believing I cannot live that word, and within investigating allowing myself to remove all energetic values I have attached to the word, and redefine it as a livable word that exist simplistically and physically, and so I walk it as myself.
I realize that my self belief as self limitation is based on a memory that I have and am holding onto within an energetic experience, as I have defined myself according to a specific memory and within that have limited myself as I have allowed myself to exist in the past instead of here as the physical, thus, when and as I see myself going into and limiting myself by self belief I commit myself to investigate and forgive myself for any memory that I find that is attached related to the creation of this self belief – as I’ve realized that I have created this self belief over time, as accumulation of memories, and thus I commit myself to find the memories as building blocks within myself and forgive myself for them, one by one, to let them go and free myself to let go the self belief created by them.
When and as I see myself participating in self belief within defining myself as less than / inferior / not able / not capable to do something, I stop myself and breathe, I realize that by participating in such a belief I am sabotaging myself and abusing myself as I am diminishing and belittling myself – and such behavior is not acceptable and I will not allow myself to treat myself in such an abusive and diminishing way – and thus I commit myself, when seeing myself go into and participate within a self belief to stand up from within it, and stop my participation in that very moment, to forgive myself for even starting to participate and remain in breath in stability as self support, as self care, as self nurture, as self embracement, and thus, transform myself from self sabotage and abuse to self care and love, from belittling myself to empowering myself. Within realizing that the self belief is created and enhanced by thoughts, I commit myself to, in the moment the self belief comes up within the back chat and thoughts, to stop myself and do not allow myself to participate in the back chat, as I realize it is a slippery slope, and so I stand strong, here in the physical focused on my breathing and do not entertain the back chat thoughts as the building blocks of the self belief.
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Friday, March 29, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that I am not dedicated
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that dedication is a skill that I lack, instead of realizing that it is a behavioural pattern that can be practiced and learned, and thus, within accepting the belief that I am not dedicated I have given myself an excuse to take the easy way out instead of facing myself as who I am and from where I am to push myself to change and learn and become that which I find would be best for me to be, as I’ve seen that the ability of dedication is supportive and empowering and thus rather than giving myself excuses for not being that, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to do all in my ability to equalize myself to the living word as dedication
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define dedication as an energetic experience, instead of realizing the physical practicality of dedication as the living word as I have redefined for myself in the previous blog
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the simplistically of dedication as the living word, as a word that can be lived, and instead I have made it more than it is, in my mind, thus making it special and divine and thus separating myself form it – within this, I realize that any word / character / behavior I see as more than me, as a point that I am not able to achieve, I must investigate the word and look for the energetic value I have given it – within this, to investigate myself and look for the specific memory that I accepted as a defining point of myself to have accepted this point of limitation and inferiority as who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to many memories, indicating that I am not dedicated, thus allowing myself to exist in the past and limit myself due to my past experiences instead of learning from the past, as investigating to find out why was I not dedicated in those situations and from learning myself as my behaviors / patterns to commit myself to change within aligning myself to dedications the living word, within the principle of equality and oneness – within realizing that I can only live that which I am equal to – and thus, I must define dedication in such a way that it can be lived, otherwise I am trapping myself in an endless chase after the unachieved, as living a word that cannot be lived
And so, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately define words, as dedication, in such a way that cannot be lived and thus set myself up for a fall, a failure, instead of supporting myself in seeing that which I am doing and stopping myself, within realizing that such behavior to inflict upon myself an endless chase is abusive and self sabotaging in nature, is unacceptable.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the physical and practical simplistically of the word dedication, as a word that indicates one, within walking in a specific direction, has made a decision in awareness as within researching and investigating and accepting the entire point at hand, and once making the decision within taking into consideration the practical and physical application that must be done in order to walk the decision, within taking into consideration the consequential outflow of walking the decision, within walking into the decision with one’s eyes wide open – one then walk the decision into completion, as a living expression of the direction and the decision, as one and equal, in consistency, until the point is complete.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that at times where I have defined myself and judged myself for not being dedicated, I was not aware of the above definition, and thus could not assess and evaluate why am I not applying myself or living the decision I have made – I forgive myself for never asking myself if I in fact made a directive / aware decision, or did I just follow the spur of the moment, I forgive myself for never asking myself if I made the decision within accepting the direction as the principle it stands as, I forgive myself for never asking myself questions as to try and understand myself, but instead went into judgment, and accumulated one more memory in the pile of self doubt / diminishment / belittling.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect dedication to success within a time frame, not seeing and realizing that a time frame in not a part of dedication within it’s definition, and thus I realize that I have confused myself as to believe that I am not dedicated because I didn’t make a time schedule, and thus, instead of seeing the problem for what it is, as poor time management, or poor prioritizing, I have generalized the point and have defined myself as not being dedicated, not seeing that by doing so I am diminishing myself through living out the belief, instead of actually seeing the point and correcting the actual problem.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that dedication will solve everything, and thus, when I have not managed to finish a project in time I believed it was due to not being dedicated enough, as if I were more dedicated I would have done anything, though, within this, I didn’t allow myself to investigate other aspects within my application and thus, not allowing myself to be specific as to see how exactly did I sabotage the project, in order to be able to correct myself within the relevant point
I see and realize how self beliefs are limiting and self sabotaging as once I believe myself to be something I start behaving as that and actually create myself as the belief rather than the belief actually defining who I am, within this I realize that by falling to self belief I prevent myself from unconditionally investigating myself within the point as to find the actual source point that needs be corrected in order to align myself in becoming the best that I can be in all and every aspect.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Thursday, March 28, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
Within walking the point of resistance towards my application, I have come across some self beliefs that need to be investigated - so i will share these self believes as i walk them, as i open the points up for myself, to remove the restriction / limitation i have allowed through accepting these self beliefs as the truth of me, not seeing, realizing or understanding that that they are an accumulation of hidden assumptions resulting in a huge tower – though, this tower is made of cards, it has no actual stability in the physical, it is an illusion – so, here i will be walking the process to face the illusion within my own self created self beliefs, and changing myself to stand up for myself, to stand as life.
here i am working with the first self belief - "I'm not dedicated" -
Gathering info
Dictionary definition
1. To commit / devote (oneself) to a particular course of thought or action
2. Wholly committed to a particular course of thought or action; devoted
3. A personal, handwritten inscription in or on a work, as by an author to a friend.
4. Designed for a particular use or function
Self allocation point
I see someone who is dedicated as a person that completely throws themselves into a project, they lose themselves within it – someone that is dedicated to something will experience themselves whole, as they have found their purpose and they now dedicate themselves, as the give themselves to the project as their lives, their time, their energy – they are dedicated / committed / devoted to completing the task / project – they do what it takes, they “walk through walls”, failure is not an option – they have an inner drive that moves them, like an energy generator, they are fueled up, like an excitement, an enjoyment.
When I look at dedication I see it as an energetic experience where one is completely consumed by this one thing that they are proud to be a part of, they see themselves in unity with this one thing, they are it in a way.
I have never experienced this, I have never experienced myself “being dedicated” to anything within this definition, I’ve never been dedicated to, no one has ever dedicated anything to me, I see that as a declaration of someone’s value, and so no one has declared that I am valuable to them.
When one gives value to something / someone, they will change their priorities and now focus on this one point and direct themselves to serve this one point because it’s valuable – like one will experience one’s own self value through dedicating oneself to this point of value in separation of self – so energetically, one will experience themselves as valuable because one will defined themselves according to being dedicated to this point of value.
Sounding the word dedicate / dedication
Dead I see ate
Dare dic ate
Deddy cate
D ed I cate – the education I cater for – dedication based on knowledge
D ed I cee it
Did it Cate – did it as the category needed
Did I Cate
Dead vacation
Dead IC ate – dead inside so I eat
Did I action – I did action
Did I creation – I did creation
Dead
I
See
Ate
Dare
Dic – prick
Ed – education
D – the
Did it
Cate – Category
Cate – catering, to cater, to serve
Vacation
Action
Dead – I am not dedicated
Creative writing
1. D ed I cate – the education I cater for – dedication based on knowledge
Dedication from a starting point of knowledge, as an idea of what is valuable, where one dedicate oneself to stand as this point of knowledge, like a political / philosophical / social perspective, catering to this one group / organization, while separating self from the rest, and thus, dedicating oneself to one’s own opinion, as accepted knowledge one was educated and programed to accept.
An example – dedicating oneself to the “war on drugs” where one believe their cause and all the knowledge they have accumulated on the topic, they now are dedicated to the point, they define themselves by it, and cannot afford to lose the point – so they lose the common sense of looking at the greater picture and actually finding solutions because they are so invested in this specific point – and if another will present them with contradicting information they will react in resentment and will reject the new data without listening, because they are dedicated to the information they have.
2. Dead vacation – here I see my relationship to the word dedication as “dead vacation” being dedicated is killing off the fun in life, where I believe dedication implies never again going on vacation, because if one is totally dedicated then there will never be a time that one can take a break and relax, as one had given up one’s life in dedication of this cause / project / organization – so here I see dedication as a sacrificing of all that is enjoyable, where I have created a polarity where one the one side there is fun / vacation / living and on the other side there is dedication / responsibility / self-sacrifices
3. Dead I see ate - Here is another reference to death, where I see death in dedication, as a choice to kill oneself in the name of a purpose / goal that one dedicates oneself to. Where I see dedication as the ultimate self-sacrifice, where one is consumed by that which they are dedicated to, they are eaten up by it
4. Dead IC ate – dead inside so I eat – this is interesting because I use food as emotional compensation, and so within the fear of dedicating myself as the fear of losing myself I have created a defense mechanism, where instead of dedicating myself to the point, in self sacrifice, where eating is a point of compensation to the self sacrifice of dedication
What I’m noticing is that initially I judged myself for not being dedicated and now all that I’m writing is as if dedication is “bad” and so I realize I am still within a polarity and only representing the “bad” side of dedication – so let me explore the sides of it that where the points I desired within it, judged myself for not being and wanted to become, as to allow myself to see a full clear picture:
5. Did it Cate – I am doing it in the category that I chose – i did, I completed the category, where category implies order, and so, one has accomplished / completed a project / task within the desired category, thus implies directiveness, discipline and specificity – dedication thus implies applying oneself into accomplishing / completing a task / project within the specific category decided upon it.
6. Did I Cate – did I cater, did I serve the point / project – when one finds a project / organization that one values and wants to serve and support, one dedicate oneself to the project and cater for it, does things in service of this project / organization
7. Did I action – I did action – here dedication implies the doing of an action, thus, not leaving it as an abstract idea but actually coming down to earth in the physical and taking action towards this goal one dedicates oneself towards. Thus, dedication is not just a statement but a doing, an action
8. Did I creation – I did creation – here a similar implication, though noting that within dedication, as within any doing, there is a creation process, where on bring oneself in dedication, and place ideas / goals into actions and so creates within this process as the outcome / outflow of ones actions. Here dedication implies the act of creation, but from a practical physical, not energetic, starting point, as a simple common sense understanding that when one dedicate oneself to a point there is an outflow, as there is to any decision, and thus a creation, though, here one must then consider what one will dedicate oneself to, as that will determine the outflow as the creation, within the principle of equality – as within so without – where if one dedicate oneself to a point / project / organization that supports all life equally the creation of ones actions will be equal to ones starting point, whereas if one dedicates oneself within a starting point of self interest without considering the principle of equality and oneness the outflow as the creation will be equal to the starting point.
Rewrite definition
So, how will I define dedication to no longer hold any energetic charge to it, and yet still imply its original definition, within adding to it my new and revised / corrected relationship / perception of the word?
I shall start with what it is not – it is not a self sacrifice, not a point of knowledge as an opinion, not the end of all that is fun / enjoyable in life, not a death of any kind, not a giving up on oneself, not a losing oneself, not being eaten alive, and when all these energetic charges are removed will not cause emotional compensation eating.
Dedication is an action, it is a creation, there is a responsibility within it as to what one will dedicate oneself to will determine the creational outflow of ones actions, there is order within it, as one is not randomly dedicated, but rather one has made a clear and self directive decision as to what and why one will dedicate oneself to, and when decided upon one will act in alignment to the decision made, within the relevant / chosen category of action.
Within the principle of equality, one dedicates oneself to a point one is equal to and has made a decision to live as, and so, one is not dedicating oneself to an external goal / purpose but rather dedicating oneself to self in equality to the point one is walking as an expression of self, as self has made the decision to stand as this point in equality.
Thus, dedication is an active and deliberate doing, done within full awareness and understanding of the outflow of ones actions, and thus, if done in self honesty - one’s dedication will always be aligned with that which is best for all life in equality and oneness and so ones creation, as the outflow of ones actions, will be aligned with what is best for all as support for all life.
Within dedication one will have an eagle’s view of the situation where one sees all points to make a clear decision within self honesty – as one considers the actual physical actions one needs to take, considers the outflow of ones actions, whether they are in support of life or not, and then one dedicate oneself to walk all the points into completion, as a service to one’s decision / goal, which is a service to life.
Dedication, in self honesty, is coming to the conclusion that the point is in support of life, and one stands as the point in equality to / as the point, and one realizes that one’s actions will result in an outflow that is aligned with the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all, and then, one make the decision to walk this point into completion, within considering what are the physical steps that need to be walked, and then one walks the point in clarity and specificity.
To sum it up
I identified that I have many beliefs about myself, beliefs that I have allowed to limit me, to sabotage my freedom of expression and exploration of myself.
In the example of the self belief of “I am not dedicated” I have realized that my beliefs stemmed from how I had defined this word “dedication” within my vocabulary. I defined “dedication” as more than it is, relating it to an energetic experience, giving it an energetic value, both positive and negative, where the positive aspects of dedication I have separated from myself in an accepted inferiority and experience of inadequacy, and the negative aspects were placed as justifications as to why I am not that, instead of seeing that I am separating myself from the “positive” aspects through separating further from myself with a “negative” reason as justification, within the idea / belief that if I were to dedicate myself I will have to scarifies myself – I realize now that I have been pushing myself away, and thus, separating myself from dedication, both from the positive and the negative, thus existing in separation of the word, which made it impossible for me to be able to live this word as an expression of myself, as the living word.
Now that I have redefined this word I see that dedication is not self sacrifice as within an energetic experience of losing myself and giving myself up for the grater cause in self righteousness, as well, it is not a superior experience as being fulfilled by a sense of dedication – what it practically physically is, is a decision, made within a specific direction, and walked practically into action until complete – this procedure of being dedicated to a point does not involve energy, not positive and not negative.
dedication = direction + decision + action
when i say: "I am dedicated to a point" – this would imply that I have seen a point, I have investigated it as to see, realize and understand what it involves practically, I have made a decision to walk this point as myself, as I am aligned with the principle / expression of the point, and so I walk it consistently into completion
The self belief as self judgment as the experience of not being dedicated will then be a red flag to check the process of dedication as mentioned above, as one of the stages of the procedure must have been not clear, and thus i ask myself did I make a clear decision, did I investigate the point or did i walk into it blind folded, can I self honestly say that I am aligned with the point?
When and as I see that I am not dedicated to a point, and self judgment comes up, i stop myself and breathe, i realize that what i am showing myself is that for some reason i am not practically walking this point in consistently into completion, as the practical walking of the point is the external expression of dedication, thus, showing myself the symptom to a problem, thus, i commit myself to then investigate what is actually going in – there is no point to judge myself, because obviously something is simply not aligned, and so, let me align it and decide in self honesty, in full awareness what will be my next stem, decide, and then walk it in self trust.
When and as I see that I am not dedicated to a point, and self judgment comes up, i stop myself and breathe, i realize that there is "nothing to it" as, in the moment i notice i am not dedicated, as not walking the point practically within the directive decision i made - i can stop, realign myself, rededicate myself and walk in that very moment, no fuss to it.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Sunday, March 10, 2013
for context please read my previous blogs:
Day 160 – A life changing Decision
Day 161 - Shame - I've done nothing with my life
Day 162 - Running ahead of myself
Day 163 - Running ahead of myself - Self forgiveness
Day 164 - Enslaved to Memories - Failed opportunity relived
Day 165 - Enslaved to Memories – Correction
Day 166 - Enslaved to Memories - Money and Morality
Day 168 - Falling like a leaf, or following your self direction - what do you chose?
Day 169 - Decisions, decisions...
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making decisions with accepting and allowing myself to exist as self doubt, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prefer that others make decisions for me
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to make my own decisions, and thus, exist within an accepted experience that I don't know what to do / decide and that I am helpless in face of the decision needed to be made
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I do in fact know what I want to / should do, but I have hidden this from myself in self separation within accepting and allowing myself to exist as self judgment, and thus, instead of allowing myself to see in self honesty what it is that I want to / should do, I hide myself from myself and turn to others to help / assist me make my decision, within a hope that they will approve / validate that which I wanted to do to begin with, thus showing myself that I do in fact know within myself what it is that I want to do / decide, yet I will not allow myself to admit to it and stand by it as myself, in fear of failure / judgment
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand by / as that which I want to do / decide, and instead I turn to others to ask for their help / assistance in making a decision, and so, within the desire / expectation that they will approve / validate that which I wanted to do but wouldn't admit that I know what it is that I want, I will react to their assistance / advice as if they validate me I will experience a relief, as a positive experience, within reaching a hidden agreement between that which they say and that which I knew I wanted all along, and on the other hand, if they give me advice that invalidates / contradicts that which I wanted to do / decide but would admit to myself, I will react in irritation / anger as I experience myself now more confused and more self doubting, within this I realize that both scenarios are within a starting point of self sabotage, because I actually know what it is that I want to / should do, but will not admit to myself, and thus exist in accepted and deliberate separation of / from myself, and within that expect / desire for others to validate me so that through their validation I can believe in myself, gain self confidence and make the decision - but within this I am enhancing the pattern of self doubt, creating a dependency on what others say / think, and creating friction and conflict when they are not aligned with what I want to or believe I should do.
I see here 3 problems -
1. I do not trust myself and rather trust the opinion / judgment / perspective of others - participating within this construct / pattern will in time greaten the self doubt and will make it harder and harder for me to stand up within myself and trust myself to make decisions.
2. when I ask for help / assistance, if I am validated, I am giving away the opportunity of questioning my decision, as I blindly accept their advice due to it being aligned with my initial want / desire / opinion, and so within being validated I experience a positive energetic experience and allow myself to stop the investigation of considering all options and looking at the bigger picture - thus, instead of taking responsibility for my decision I place the responsibility on the fact that it has been agreed upon, even without discussion - within this I see that there is a possibility to present the problem / decision in such a way to manipulate others into saying that which I want to hear - and so, this whole scenario is problematic and cannot be trusted.
3. when I ask for help / assistance and my initial want is not validated, I react, I go into a negative energetic experience as my self doubt is enhanced, I may lash out at the being for not supporting my hidden desire as I have been secretive about it due to not admitting to myself that I do in fact know what I want to / should do, and so, within reaction I will either let go my initial decision without further investigation, or I will hold onto it in spite - either way I am acting within reaction to the experience of being rejected / invalidated.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask for assistance in making a decision, within a starting point of manipulation and deceit, where I do not expose what I had come to within myself and thus am asking from a starting point of seeking validation and confirmation, instead of asking for assistance within sharing all that I had come to and asking for further perspective in order to get clarity of the point, as to maybe there are aspects I didn't take into consideration, this way I am not asking the other to decide for me but rather asking for assistance in considering all points in order to come to a clear decision on my own, for and as myself
Within this I realize that when I ask for assistance / advice I must first come to realize and understand what it is that I want or believe I should do, and within that clarity ask for assistance while exposing that which I see as to prevent my participating with manipulation, and this way, within hearing what the other has to say I can be more clear about any resistance that may come up and thus address it effectively, as a pose to hiding that which I see within myself and go into an argument with the other for not validating me, while they are in the dark so to speak, as I ask them for advice and now I am attacking them for not giving me what I wanted to hear. And thus abusing their assistance.
When and as I ask for advice / assistance / help in coming to a decision, I commit myself to first lay out all the points for myself and to allow myself to admit to that which I see should be my decision, then as I ask for assistance I share all that I see with the other so that they can have a clear perspective of what I am walking so that they can share more considerations that I may have missed - within this, when and as I see myself going into reaction as to what is being said, I stop myself and breathe, I investigate the point of reaction as I realize it indicates a point I am been hiding from myself as avoiding facing the point, thus, I look at the point in self honesty and forgive myself for the resistance / reaction from a starting point of clearing the point up in order to be able to see clearly and reconsider my decision now with the new consideration placed due to the assistance from the other
When and as I ask for assistance and receive the confirmation I was seeking, I push myself, through the assistance of the other, to play the devils advocate, as to allow myself to see if there are any points I am still missing, and so to not go into positive experience due to the validation of the other, but to use it as a platform to better understand the situation, as to allow myself to come to a clear and well rounded decision.
Within this I realize that I can do this procedure on my own, through writing, and thus I realize that asking for help in making a decision is but a stepping stone in building self trust, though it is not necessary, as through playing the devils advocate to my own decision making I can within self honesty see all the points, and through the assistance and support of self forgiveness walk through the resistances that I see coming up, allow myself to see the points of desires and fears that are masking the physical actuality of the situation, and come to make the decision on my own and for myself, within self trust.
I see here that I have been leaning on others to help me come to decisions that I am capable of coming to on my own, and I realize that each time I do so I weaken myself and validate the accepted self doubt, and thus sabotaging myself and my stand, instead of taking a moment, and writing the point out, allowing myself to admit to that which I want to or believe I should do, allowing myself to investigate the point in self honesty, to see where do I fear judgment or am directed by perceived expectations, and where am I limiting myself in fear or desire - here I utilize the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all, and check if my decision is in alignment to this principle, thus giving myself an anchor, as a direction, in which if I follow I know I cannot be "wrong", within this realizing that my ability to see what is best for all is as limited as I allow it to be, as limited as I allow myself to be, and thus I realize that this too will be a process of expansion, but in order to walk the process I must start with where I am at, thus to allow myself, in self honesty, to be where I am at, to from here step forward, and in each step build myself up as self trust, stand up within myself, expand as I allow myself to express myself and stand responsible to face the outcomes / consequences of my actions / participations.
I realize that if I am to change, I must allow myself to step out of my comfort zone, and explore new territory so to speak, and within this, allow myself to fall, yet if I fall in awareness I can learn and expand from every fall and through it, stand up stronger within myself.
Please consider investing in the interviews done about decision making - here are the links:
Decision Making 101 (Part 1) - Reptilians - Part 156
Friday, March 8, 2013
for context please read my previous blogs:
Day 160 – A life changing Decision
Day 161 - Shame - I've done nothing with my life
Day 162 - Running ahead of myself
Day 163 - Running ahead of myself - Self forgiveness
Day 164 - Enslaved to Memories - Failed opportunity relived
Day 165 - Enslaved to Memories – Correction
Day 166 - Enslaved to Memories - Money and Morality
Day 168 - Falling like a leaf, or following your self direction - what do you chose?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the experience as a self created belief, that making decisions is hard, and thus I have accepted within every decision I had to make, the experience of anxiety as an integral part of it, not allowing myself to be here in breath, and apply common sense within self trust to simply make a decision within self trust
Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept fear to be a part of any decision I have ever made, within a starting point of fear of "making the wrong decision" within the belief that there is the "right" decision and there is the "wrong" decision - this within not trusting myself as believing myself to be clueless, I have allowed myself to exist in self doubt and thus to have self doubt as my starting point, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to utilize common sense and make a directive decision within investigating all points and "going for " that which I have calculated to be the most effective option - but rather I have hidden behind self doubt and allowed myself to stand still / frozen in place, for as long as I can, and thus postponing making the decision to avoid picking the "wrong" option in fear of making a mistake.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid making decisions within fear of making a mistake, and thus have allowed myself to postpone making a decision and wait for the decision to make itself through reality unfolding and options falling away due to other people making decisions, and thus, I have allowed myself to be subject to other people's decision making instead of standing up within myself, and taking a chance, and directing myself, and making a decision for "better" or worse" within realizing that if I don't trust myself within making sure I am looking at the point in common sense and investigating the options, I end up trusting someone else, while I don't know what was their motivation for the action / decision they took, within this I realize that by not making a decision and waiting for the decision to "make itself" I am abdicating self responsibility and not actually ensuring the best outcome possible, because I have taken myself out of the game so to speak, instead of being an active participant and contributing myself through making decisions in self trust within utilizing common sense.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that while I avoid making decisions, decision are still being made, yet I have given my power away and thus cannot influence the outcome but am put myself in a position of an observer, as one that can only complain about the result, and thus have separated myself from the situation and from reality within fear of making a mistake, yet I haven’t realized that one cannot separate oneself from reality, because all in reality is interconnected, and thus, by not standing up within myself and making decisions and walking them in self trust, I have been given my permission to others to make the decision for me, and thus am responsible for the decisions being made, even though I wasn't making them - because within not making a decision I am in fact making the decision to follow others, within giving away my power and ability to influence the outcome to others, and thus am responsible for what they decide and do just as much as if it were me making the direct decision, even though I have not effect of what they decide and do - within this I realize that when I abdicate my opportunity to make decisions and direct myself within my life, I am not in fact abdicating self responsibility, because one remains responsible at all times, all I am doing is giving away my direct influence and contribution, as a statement that I am not worthy of participating and that others / the world will be better off if others decide - but that is bullshit, because I have not the ability to investigate “their” starting point, I can only investigate my own, and thus, only through making direct decision can I ensure that I am contributing to reality and to myself that which I stand by as what is best for all, and every decision that I do not make I am allowing any other starting point to take control, and I am in fact responsible for the outcome
When and as I see myself avoiding making a decision, within the experience of anxiety / fear within not trusting that I know what to do, I stop myself and breathe, I support myself through writing and open up the point / decision that I am facing to see more clearly what am I dealing with, I realize that I do know within myself, within self honesty, what is the decision that I must make, and thus I support myself through writing to reveal myself the answer that I hold within me, in realize that the experience of "not knowing what to do" is a self manipulation tactics to hide from myself in self interest, and thus, I investigate through asking myself questions as to why do I fear facing that which I know within myself in self honesty that I must do - this within realizing that within myself, I have the answer to myself, and I can either find the answer within myself in self honesty as what is best for all in equality and oneness, or I can manipulate myself to hide myself the answer and exist in self interest and fear. Thus, I commit myself to investigate any point within me that I see / find myself avoiding making a decision, I commit myself to get to the bottom of why am I sabotaging myself from being direct and self honest, what am I hiding from myself and why - and within this, through practicing and within and as breath, I will build self trust, one decision at a time.
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Tuesday, December 25, 2012
I find that when I am placed with options, making a decision is hard for me. It's hard for a few reasons, I don't want to make the wrong choice, so I will avoid making the decision, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I will avoid making the decision and just wait for circumstances to direct me, I don't want to take responsibility as being accountable for the decision I had made so I will ovoid making the decision and I will pass on the decision to someone else, and so on and so forth.
There are so many points in my day where a direct decision is called for and as many as they are, are number of the excuses of avoidance - I realize this is a point of fear, as if it takes such courage to make a decision and I have been too much of a cowered, afraid of the consequences of the decision I make, but not considering the consequence of not making the decision, the consequence of not taking responsibility, the consequence of being directed by fear of conflict and emotional manipulation, the consequence of not allowing myself to be the directive principle within applying common sense within the principle of equality as what is best for all - instead I have been living that which supports and feeds my fears, as every time I avoid making a decision due to fear I am giving more power to my fears and taking away from my directive power, doing so within justifying it with all sorts of self definitions as I protect the personalities I believe myself to be, as I accept myself as limited to a specific personality, as I suppress myself to such an extent that I don't even know what I would chose if I would allow myself to be free to chose.
People talk about freedom, having free choice - but what choice have I ever utilized if I have always just been following my mind, from one emotional reaction to another, being directed by justifications, beliefs and fears - all within self interest as the interest of the mind, to keep me in the dark, blind to what is here as the physical as life, blind to myself, to keep me believing I am the mind as I identify with the thoughts, emotions and feeling that come up within me but not directly by me, yet I believe them to define me - all so that the mind can go on and survive while I don't allow myself to live. Such a fuck up - and I have been the one allowing it.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to make decisions due to fear, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face the fact that I have never made a decision and have always ever only been directed by the mind as a lifeless puppet being told what to do and how to be by my thoughts, within self interest to "feel good" at the expense of not even living. What a price to pay….
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my desire to feel good and thus have always acted within this desire, thus not allowing myself to express myself in any way that might threaten my chances of feeling good, not realizing that not expressing myself is the highest price to pay as I have been paying with my life as who I am, and for what? For a momentary buzz of happiness that eventually goes away leaving me desiring more and more because I have diminished myself once again, suppressed myself once again for the sake of my addiction, leaving me with less than what I had as I have allowed myself to give my power away as the price of a momentary glimpse of happiness, not realizing that true happiness can only exist without fear and as the expression of self as happiness - without allowing myself the freedom of self expression, happiness will always be a fraction, an idea, an attempt, a cheap replacement for the real thing, that can only be achieved through self honesty in every moment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make decisions within the consideration of pleasing others and not hurting their feelings and thus compromising myself and not considering myself as who I am within self honesty, thus compromising life as I make a statement within my acceptance that I would expect others to compromise themselves for my emotional manipulations as well, and thus I am participating, creating and accepting a world where all compromise themselves and no one lives as who they are in self acceptance and acceptance of others, but a world of limitation, manipulation and compromise, a world of suppression where no one is actually living - I realize that as long as I don't will myself to correct this point I am giving my permission for all suppression to exist as I allow it to exist within me, giving permission to all emotional manipulation to exist as I am participating within it as I allow myself to be manipulated and directed by emotions - is this the world that I want for myself? Is this a world that I can trust to support all living beings? No - this is a world that thrives on self interest and fear - thus to stop this abuse and neglect of life I must start with myself.
I commit myself to investigate any point of avoidance, within investigating the trigger point as the why am I not allowing myself to express myself as the decision, and to walk the correction from self forgiveness into physical practical application
Friday, November 23, 2012
for further context: Giving Up on Myself - Life Review
Also please visit my previous blog, if you haven’t already:
Day 97 - Giving up is an elitist privilege
I realize that any experience I have is self created, and even when/if I don't realize how I created it, by not pushing myself to step out of the experience I am allowing it to exist with me and thus, any energetic experience I have within myself is always due to my participation, acceptance and allowance, thus, when and as I see myself within an energetic experience I stop myself and breathe, I push myself to breathe as I ground myself and ground the energy back to earth, I stop the back chat as justifications to why I am experiencing this, and don't allow myself to justify my experience because I have realized that any experience that I have not self directed within awareness is a mind manipulation that is directing me within self interest and thus will always result in shame and regret when realizing within self honesty what I have accepted and allowed, thus within the principle of prevention as the best cure/medicine, I commit myself to stop this snow ball from rolling through stopping my participation within the energetic experience as depression.
I realize that any time I give in to the energetic experience I am accumulating more energetically charged memories, as experiencing myself being weaker than the mind, and thus allowing the mind control to grow stronger as I diminish myself time after time, I realize that in order to empower myself as the living self directive principle of myself I must stop myself from participating and following the energetic experience and commit myself to breath, to stabilize myself, to ground myself, to return to the physical within touch and movement, to do whatever it takes in the moment to "snap out of it" to change my experience as to prove to myself that I am not completely controlled/enslaved to the mind, but that I do have self will power, and that I can stand up from within it, I realize that just as I have accumulated through out my life, many experiences as memories of me giving in to my mind, and thus have accepted myself as weak, I can accumulate myself as self support - as long as I will myself to stop my participation within/as the mind, and keep accumulating situations/experiences where I stand up and stop myself I will be able to deprogram the self belief of incapability/weakness/giving up and recreate myself as directive and powerful as life as myself
I realize that the experience of being depressed, as experiencing myself within/as a low energy, an experience of numbness/apathy/misery, is exactly that - an energetic experience, and within it being an energetic experience I realize it does not exist independently of my participation within/as it, thus I realize it requires me, to participate with it, through giving it energy as thoughts, for it to exist - within realizing this, I commit myself to when and as I see myself in an energetic experience such as depression/numbness/apathy/misery, I stop myself and breathe, I realize it is not a real experience as the physical is real, as the physical is here independently of my participation with it, it is an objective reality shared by all equally, while the energetic experience is subjective within my mind's perception and interpretation, created only for me and is able to exist here only through my participation as feeding it energy as thoughts - and the moment I stop participating, it no longer exist - thus it is in my power to stop, and my responsibility to realize what is real as the physical, and to live and participate only within that which is real, and stop participation with the lie as the mind
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
I've noticed that I am very reactive to people correcting me. For instance, I could be learning a new task and be corrected within making a note of a mistakes I've made, and given suggestions on how to do it better/how it should be done, or I could simply be doing something and someone would come along and instead of saying something positive they would say something that sounds like criticism, basically any statement that I interpret as if I am told that I am doing something wrong/bad/a mistake/poorly/not good enough…
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react when being corrected, instead of allowing myself to stay in breath and to listen clearly to what is being said, and simply apply what is being said after considering it within common sense
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within a form of anger/spitefulness when being corrected, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as anger/spitefulness within reaction to being corrected, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself within/as breath and to stop all reactions as spiteful/anger within me as I realize that such reactions are not acceptable as they are not supporting me as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within myself as anger/spitefulness/backchat when being corrected instead of stopping myself within self directed decision to stop my addiction to positive reinforcement and within that to stop my dependency on what other people thing/say about/to me to be able to direct myself in every moment and hear what people are saying without taking it personally but to use it as self support to expand myself within my application
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as bad/wrong when being corrected and within this self-belief have not allowed myself to realize that I, as life, am not wrong/bad, and I am only bad/wrong if/when I am accepting myself as such within self definition due my interpretation of being corrected
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify myself within anger/spitefulness when being corrected through "telling myself" as back chat that the one correcting me is being judgmental, within this I am robing myself from the opportunity to change/expand within looking at the correction within common sense and apply it as such
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my reactions to being corrected through the idea/projection that the other is being judgmental when in fact it is me tat is judging what they are saying instead of simply hearing it as the living words and applying them as such within looking at the common sense within what is being said and not take it personally
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react when being corrected and take it personally as if what is being said defined me as who I am, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take being corrected personally and become upset within accepting myself as self diminishment through believing I am less for hearing/receiving criticism such as being corrected, as if what is being said is defining me, as if stating that I, as who I am, am bad/not good enough, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that what is being said is simply words to be looked at, and do not define me and do not direct me unless I allow it to
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the emotional reaction when being corrected and within the reaction I have allowed myself to go into my mind within spitefulness and blame towards the one that has corrected me, and within that I have not allowed myself to look at the point spoken within self honesty and simply walk within common sense in regards to what is being said
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that any words spoken to me cannot hurt me in fact, but can only show me self back to self within seeing my reaction towards what is being said, and thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take being corrected as an opportunity to face myself within points of ego/reaction and instead have allowed myself to go into my mind and justify myself within it within that not allowing myself to change within self honesty due to resistance of looking at who I am within the moment of reaction
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within a physical reaction as I am being corrected within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself within/as breath as I see myself react physically to being corrected
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react as judgment towards the being that is correcting me instead of supporting myself within/as breath and stopping myself within/as judgment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when being corrected to experience myself as being rejected/disapproved thus confirming the addiction I've accepted as myself as the desire/dependency for positive reinforcement, within this I commit myself to accept corrections as gifts to breathe through as I walk through the addiction for positive reinforcement and learn to apply myself within/as the physical within/as breath and to hear what is being said within practicality and not focus on the good/bad feeling I am experiencing because I have realized the deceptive nature of feelings and I commit myself within this to not accept myself to fall in the trap of being directed by good/bad feeling but to direct myself within common sense within self honesty within practical physicality as life
I commit myself to stopping myself within/as breath if/when I see myself go into a reaction to being corrected, I commit myself to stop myself as the back chat of judgment/blame when being corrected as justifying the anger/spitefulness and instead to breathe here until I have stopped the backchat/reaction and can see clearly what is being said
i commit myself to support myself within as being corrected as i realize that i can use any words said to me as a practical way to see if i am still reacting and if so i commit myself to investigate the points of reaction and to apply myself as writing/self forgiveness/self corrective statements until i am satisfied that i am self directive principle and am not directed by emotions/feelings/reaction., and can hear anything said to me and apply them within common sense as i see fit at the moment
Friday, September 28, 2012
this is a follow up to my previous blog: Day 43 - Signs of Depression
For me, my feeling/self belief of worthlessness comes up a lot through comparison and competition, I see around me very effective/successful human-beings, effective and successful through my perspective of course, and then I compare myself to them, I evaluate myself according to them, and more often than not I deem myself less than them, and thus worthless. Obviously, in order to create myself as self worthlessness I do not compare myself to just any one, I select a few that I perceive them to be effective/successful and judge myself according to them. And not even according to them but rather according to specific aspects of them, the specific aspects that I value and admire within them. I will judge myself in relation to these specific aspect within them, not allowing myself to see it is just specific aspects that I am looking at, but will perceive it to be the total definition of both them and myself, and then the result of this will be judging/defining myself as being worthless.
If I was a scientist, I would gave to say that my research is pre determined and bias - I do not have a fair representation of population and I am not considering the entity of the being, but only looking at specific aspects within them, from a starting point of looking for proof that I am worthless and that exactly what I will find.
Just like with the endless cycle, here too I am heading myself in for a fall, I am creating the experience of worthlessness to myself and by myself, and then I forget I have created it and believe it to be the truth. All this instead of stopping allowing myself to abuse myself within participating and recreating the cycle of worthlessness, and to accept myself as life within realizing that I am here, I am alive, and I am not actually really defined by the ideas/opinions/definitions I have attached to myself and the same goes for anybody else. Non of us are actually defined by anything except for being equal as life, that is the only definition that can stand the test of time, and that seams to be the only thing that has been overlooked.
I see now that depression is connected to the point of self worth, as long as I do not value myself as equal to/as life I will always find ways to prove to myself that I am worthless and within believing myself to be worthless I am excusing myself from actually participating and taking responsibility for myself as this world, I realize that as long as I keep comparing myself to others through defining our value according to our skills I will keep on trapping myself in the cycle of self worthlessness, until I stop. Stopping within the understanding that any form of self diminishing is indicating to me that I am not accepting myself as who I am as life, and is in fact an endless cycle that leads me further and further from myself as realizing myself as life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within/as self worthlessness
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to value myself as life, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to exist as life but instead I have allowed myself to exist as the mind within separation
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trap myself in the cycle of worthlessness, not realizing that the cycle can only go on as long as I believe it, participate within it and thus create it, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to actually be worthless through accepting myself as worthlessness and I haven’t allowed myself to see that believing I am worthless is an illusion of the mind created through comparison as separation to keep me trapped within/as the mind to never realize myself as life
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I am creating myself as worthless through my participation within the cycle of worthlessness through believing myself to be worthless and thus within this belief, I do not apply myself, do not push myself to excellence only to prove myself right, and thus allow myself to actually be worthless through not applying myself within/as the physical to create a world worth living in and to create myself as a being that is worth living through valuing myself as life as all life and supporting all life within allowing myself to exist as dignity and integrity
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within participating within/as worthlessness to stop myself from actually doing all that needs to be done to create a world worth living in, a world that all life is equally worthy, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used the self belief of being worthless as a justification to not push myself and do all in my ability to actually live as self worth because I have believed my own creation of self worthlessness and thus gave up on myself as the world without even trying to do/change anything, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to value myself as life and all life as one, and within that to do all I can do to be worthy of life through creating a life worth living to all
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have always been creating myself as worthlessness, and thus have always had the ability to stop myself, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as worthlessness within self diminishment as self abuse as not allowing myself to expand and express myself as life because I have allowed myself to limit myself within the belief of being worthless and thus did not allow myself to challenge that idea of myself through always proving me right by remaining worthless in my actions
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my self-value on my skills and abilities, and within that to evaluate myself according to others, thus to define myself as more or less according to whom I am comparing myself to, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as worthlessness through comparing myself to specific aspects/skills of others that I define better than me, and thus to intentionally compare myself to them to prove to myself my worthlessness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as worthless through comparing myself to others within finding points/aspects within them that they are better/more than me, and thus within looking at both of us through a very narrow lens that only sees this specific aspect I judge them as worthy and myself as worthless, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to use comparison as a tool for self support to, through other beings in my environment, see how I can expand myself further, but instead I have used it as a tool of self diminishment as believing myself to be worthless in comparison to others, and thus not allow myself to expand within equalizing myself to them
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself (and others) as good/bad and worthy/worthless through grading myself in relation to specific skills/abilities/performances that I have defined as important/valuable and within that have not allowed myself to see me within the totality of myself as life, not as a list of skills/abilities but as a living being that is valuable through the mere fact of being alive, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to value life unconditionally but have placed a condition as a list of skills/performances that one must exist as to deserve the right to live as worthy, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the extent of abuse that I am allowing within this construct, just as the world system that exist today that permits people a dignified life only within the condition of them being successful in the eyes of the system.
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself going into the character of worthlessness, because I have seen the deception and abusive nature of this character and thus I commit myself to stopping myself from accepting myself as this character
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself go into comparison, and to direct any point within me towards self support within changing my starting point from comparison as self diminishment into comparison as self expansion
When and as I see myself giving value to skills/performances I stop and breathe, I realize that all are equal as life unconditionally, life doesn't require any skill/performance to exist as life and thus I commit myself to show that any value system, creating a grading skill as worthy and not worthy, is the source of all abuse within the current system as we have forgotten that all are equally alive and thus are equally valuable and equally worthy to a dignified/supportive life
Monday, July 30, 2012
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as a
character of "I don't like doing things alone"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the
character of "I don't like doing things alone" based on a self-belief
that I am in fact that character, not allowing myself to realize that any and
all characters are created by self through accumulation of participation,
within allowing myself to play the part designed for the character of "I don't
like doing things alone" and within every time I allow myself to play the part,
instead of stepping out of character I increase the self-belief in the
character and make it that much harder for me to step out and let go of the
character all together.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself and
my actions due to not having anyone doing it with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this character
I have defined as myself as an excuse to limit myself and within that to
maintain the character of victim, being limited by not having people to do
things wth me, instead of realizing that I am not a victim of circumstances,
but am creating the whole construct/pattern with my own participation in it. Thus
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as the
character of "I don’t like doing things alone" and to within my participation
wth that character to indulge the victim character I have created myself as,
not seeing realizing and understanding how one feeds off of the other
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to freeze when
wanting to do something but realizing I have no one to do it with
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the
experience of being frozen before having to do an activity alone, not realizing
that the experience of being frozen is a part of the "I don't like doing
things alone" character and is created and re-created over and over
through my participation of it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by weather
or not I have someone to do things with me, instead of being the directive
principle of myself, directing myself within the principle of equality as what
is best for all, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself
to be directed by fear and to make decisions where the primary factor is fear instead
of the main factor being the actual activity within common sense as a practical
decision
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself and suppress
myself by not doing what I had planned just because I have no one to do it with
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist doing
things alone because of an experience of fear of embarrassment/resistance of
seeing/meeting/facing other people while doing the activity
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear
seeing/meeting/facing other people while doing an activity on my own, within a
self-belief and future projection that I will not be able to handle the
interaction well, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing
myself to trust myself to be able to handle life as when comes my way in a
random/simple daily environment, thus creating myself as restricted and limited
instead of allowing myself to life/express/explore life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make decisions
according to weather I will have someone to do the activity with me instead of
the practicality of deciding in regards to the activity within common sense.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself
and disregard that which I had planned on doing due to fear and self-doubt as a
mind construct and character and not based on what is best for all as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make decisions
based on the character I have created myself as "I don't like doing things
alone" and not based on what is best for all within common sense, thus not
allowing myself to step out of character to the realm of life to be able to
trust myself as life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the
character I have created myself as "I don't like doing things alone"
within the self-belief I have about myself in regards to the character, ad
within that I have created myself as not trust worthy due to following my self-interest
character based on mind construct rather than being the directive principle of
myself and directing myself within the principle of equality as what is best
for all.
I realize that as long as I follow any of the characters I have created
myself as I am not to be trusted with life, and to build self-trust within self-honesty
I must stop myself as the characters I have created myself as, one by one, and
correct myself within alignment within the principle of equality as what is
best for all.
I commit myself to pushing myself through writing and applying self-forgiveness
to stop myself as both characters of "I don't like doing things alone"
and the victim character that is the outflow of the first character.
I commit myself to, through writing and applying self-forgiveness, to rake
down that character of "I don't like doing things alone" to be able
to stop myself as that character within seeing/realizing and understanding the
full construct that I have allowed myself to become within this character
I commit myself to when wanting to do something but then experience
myself as frozen due to not having someone to do it with me, to stop and
breathe, to bring myself back here to the physical, to push myself through the
resistance that I have worked for years to create, and to do the activity
regardless of not haing someone to do it with. I commit myself to through
writing/self-forgiveness to support myself to do everything I intend to do
regardless of not having someone to do it with, not allowing that to be a
parameter of my decision, unless it is practically relevant.
I commit myself to making decisions within the starting point of self
honesty, I commit myself to stopping myself as I see myself making decision
based on fear and not based on the practical common sense of the situation. When
seeing myself basing my decision on fear/character I stop and breathe, I go
through the physical elements of the situation and make my decision based on
physicality and not on the mind/character
I commit myself to express myself through the activities I allow myself
to participate in, and to stop myself as suppression due to fear/characters
through breathing and the application of writing/self-forgiveness. I commit
myself to push through the habit of self-suppression due to fear/characters
through writing/self-forgiveness and corrective application within the
principle of equality as what is best for all being the guide line and showing
me the way
I commit myself to using the principle of equality as what is best for
all as a support system, as an anchor, supporting me when I have "lost my
way" within becoming possessed by fear/characters.
I commit myself to support myself through writing, applying self-forgiveness,
corrective application and self-corrective commitment statements until I have
walked through al the characters and can trust myself as life, until I can
trust myself to live without as within, the principle of equality as what is
best for all
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