Showing posts with label polarity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label polarity. Show all posts
Thursday, April 25, 2013
This is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
Day 182 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self forgiveness
Day 183 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self Commitments
Day 184 – Self Belief – “I am not Dedicated” – Further Investigation
Day 185 – Self Belief – “I am not Dedicated” – Waking Myself Up
And specifically a direct follow up to my previous blog Day 186 – Self Belief – “I’m not a Hard Worker”, if you haven’t already, please read it for further context.
By making the statement “I am not a hard worker” there are a few dimensions / layers that I am referring to in relation to the definition I have given “hard worker”.
By stating to myself that I am not a hard worker, I am saying that I don’t have the skill set of being a hard worker, as i don’t have the valuable list of characters I relate to being a hard worker, characters of integrity, taking responsibility, following through, completing a task, being humble.
But, at the same time I am not only saying I am incapable, I am actually saying I don’t want to, as I have defined the work that hard workers do, to be beneath me, I am a snob to such tasks, and when I find myself facing these jobs, I have to push through a lot of resistance, jobs like this that I have faced lately were cleaning the toilet, raking, doing physical labor, it is “not for me”, I’d rather have someone else do it – maybe this explains why I am proud of “them” for being hard workers, where I realize these tasks have to be done, because they are practical physical tasks and are necessary for the maintenance and up keeping of the physical environment we live in, and so I am happy that some people can do these tasks and not be bothered by it – obviously I never considered asking them if they really enjoy it, because I prefer not knowing and believing that they are cool as they seem, so long as I don’t have to get my hands dirty. Not wanting to get my hands dirty but wanting the job to be done – spoken like a true elitist.
And so, I have separated myself from this concept, as I do not see myself as all the positive aspects I have attached to the term “hard worker” as I’ve mentioned in my previous blog: “respecting “hard workers” for doing the actual valuable physical jobs, actually getting things done in the physical, they can be left on an island and they will survive because they are physical, they do what needs to be done, they don’t complain, they don’t manipulate, they don’t try to get out of it, they have integrity, respect for the work they do, and they can do any work with pride.”
And at the same time I am saying that I am “too good” for this type of job, I should have a white collar / high class job – someone else should be a hard worker, not me, judging the work as inferior, and those who do the work as inferior, and thus, I do not want to be defined / judged as inferior so I separate myself from such jobs.
So, it seems as I’ve created an interesting polarity here – where I see hard worker as both positive and negative, superior and inferior, and I have separated myself from both aspects. What I see here is that I am the one judging these tasks - yes, it is based on a social accepted judgment, but I am accepting and participating with this judgment towards particular jobs / tasks as being inferior, so first thing’s first – I realize I must remove the judgment.
Then, once I remove the judgment towards specific jobs I can redefine what it really means to be a “hard worker”, within exploring how I can actually live the definition as myself as a living expression of myself, rather than separating myself from it as I have done thus far, within limiting myself and trapping myself in the self belief of not being a hard worker.
Self forgiveness and redefining “hard worker” in my next blogs to come.
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Thursday, December 20, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blogs:
Day 123 - Physics and the Desteni Process - From Overwhelmingness to Normal
Day 124 - Behind the Scenes of "Physics and the Desteni Process" series - Self Forgiveness
in relation to the blog series “physics and the Desteni Process”
Within investigating the point that came up within myself as overwhelmingness towards writing the blog series "physics and the Desteni Process", I came to see the mind as a swinging pendulum, as it takes me from one polarity to the next, as from an energetic high to a low. In this blog I am still walking the point of overwhelmingness as a result of allowing myself to go into excitement and be blinded by it, to then face reality unprepared and fall to the other polarity as the mind's force pulls at me, sand I, as long as I don't stand up and direct myself, will be subject to the force of the mind within it's pendulum like movement. I have made a note to myself to expand on the behavior of a pendulum from a physical perspective, In blogs to follow I will.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become excited about writing the "physics and the Desteni Process" blog series within believing that I am doing something special, valuable and important, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remain here in stability within realizing that there isn't anything special about self expression and self exploration, this is normal, and thus within realizing that what I am doing is normal I see that the excitement was a mind creation as giving more value to what I was doing, in the self interest of feeling good and special about myself, not seeing that any acceptance and participation in the mind's polarity will sure to be followed by the other end of the polarity, which is what I experienced within going into a state of panic and overwhelmingness, within this I see, realize and understand that the mind works in polarities, moving from one to the other and back again, as a pendulum, out of balance, going back and forth and only resting in the extreme points, thus I realize that any participation within and as the mind whether the good/positive experience of specialness or the bad/negative experience of overwhelmingnss, are both giving the pendulum of the mind more energy and power over me, instead of supporting myself to stop within breath, and not allow myself to give more force to the pendulum, to actually be able to come to the point of rest as the balance point of equilibrium, where the pendulum is not resting for a fleeting moment before it accelerates to the other extreme, but is in fact as rest, here, as all that is here in equilibrium.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get "pumped up" about the physics blog series, and within that not keeping myself grounded as one with breath, within this I realize that the experience of being "pumped up" over something is a for of separation within not allowing myself to look at the reality of the point, to see it for what it is, but instead I have added onto the point value, expectations, future projections and fantasies, within thinking as back chat “I will change the face of physics”, “I will prove the Desteni Message”, “I will assist and support so many beings”, “I will publish a book and become famous”, “This is a dream come true, a dream I never believed I will pursue – this is so exciting”… - and thus within allowing myself to exist within and as my mind and disregard all that is here as the physical practicality of the point, I deluded myself and thus paved the way for a fall, as when my fantasy met reality there was a gap, and within realizing the gap between my self created fantasy and reality is where I allowed myself to fall into overwhelmingness, and thus allow myself to be driven and directed by the mind, going from the one polarity to the other, as a pendulum going back and forth, subject to the force of gravity as I have allowed myself to be subject to the force of the mind.
I am grateful to realize within this point that when I make a decision to do anything it would be most supportive to not allow myself to go into an experience of excitement within realizing the blinding effect the mind is creating through such excitement, to through the blinding excitement set myself up for a fall, thus I realize I must support myself to let go the excitement factor, to let go the expectation and future projections, and simply look at what is here and evaluate the steps required to walk the point, as in this case, the steps were to actually investigate physics, to commit myself to self study, to realize that people will be reading these blogs and will share positive/negative feedback and so on, and thus to prepare myself for each of the points that are practically one with the project I set out to do, thus I realize now, and forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate the project and only see within it specific aspects that within only looking at them I become excited, not allowing myself to realize that I have been deluding myself as deliberately blinding myself to the wholeness of the project and thus to the practicality of walking the project, and thus deliberately setting myself to fall.
within this I see, realize and understand that the point of excitement is a point of self sabotage, as blinding oneself from the reality as the totality of a point within separating it to parts and only allowing oneself to see specific aspects of it that one want to see and thus become excited within self interest to experience the high of the mind's pendulum, while ignoring the predictable outflow as the pendulum will eventually reach the other extreme due to the forces working on it, to then face reality unprepared. Within this, I commit myself to slow myself down within breath, and when approaching a project to allow myself to see it as it's totality, and not allow myself to separate it and blind myself to the part I don't wish to see, as hard work for instance, but instead to make sure I walk into the project as a self committed self directed decision after I have seen all the points and prepared myself properly.
I commit myself to stop myself and breathe when and as I experience myself going into excitement, I commit myself to investigate the point of excitement and not trust it blindly within self interest to feel momentarily good, but to realize the reality of excitement as a polarity extreme that will inevitably end with the other side of polarity being manifested as an energetic low, and so back and forth into infinity, unless I stop my participation and stand up within/as breath and direct myself as one within the physical reality .
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Tuesday, December 4, 2012
This is a continuation from my previous blogs:
Day
104 - Nature reflecting my assertiveness
Day 105 - My relationship with Assertiveness
Day 106 - Assertiveness - Part 3 - Self forgiveness
Day 107 - assertiveness - "problem points"
Day 108 - limitation within self definition
I've started investigating the point of assertiveness and
my application within it, today I had an opportunity to see myself in action -
and thus here I am, to correct myself through writing, to open up the point, and
be more clear and direct the next time
such a situation occursWe've decided to plant some lavender, and within deciding where and how close together to plant them, there was a disagreement between us, I wanted them further apart, and the other being wanted them closer together - I don't have much experience with planting, and specifically I have never planted lavender, but my opinion was strong - I wanted the plants to have sufficient space to grow and not crowd each other, the other being took that into consideration as well, but wanted also to create a hedge of lavender and that would require them to be slightly closer together.
Since I had been writing about assertiveness I knew that I have an issue with standing and stating my perspective clearly and assertively, so I saw the point within me come up where I wanted to go to the "you know what, do it however you want, I don't really care, it's all cool", but I saw it was a point of giving up and not standing so, instead of breathing, looking at all the points, asking the being what is their consideration to see if I understand the totality of the point, instead of all that I went into the polarity of insisting that I know what I'm talking about, that I make sense, and all within the energy reaction of the desire to be right.
I didn't see this initially, because I was caught up with trying not to fall into the other side of the polarity of giving up, but gratfuly the point was shown to me by the other being as they pointed out that I'm in the desire to be right energy - this happened 2 minutes before I had to leave so that statement was "my cue" to leave, and as I left I was totally mind posseseed, I felt beaten, I felt like I lost, and within my mind the back chat of "no, she is the one that insisted, I am the one that was right, I made so much sense in what I said…"
I had some time to digest the situation, within breathing and stopping the back chat from possessing me, and of course, within self honesty I could see what I had done, I went to the other polarity, from the attempt not to be submissive I went to the aggression and insisting within the desire to being right.
After I had seen the point for myself I went into self judgment - "how could I fall in this point after writing about it just the other day", luckily, the other being came around and brought up the point in discussion, it gave me an opportunity to speak it out and hear their perspective as well, which was supporting in helping me to see what I haven't considered, and to stop the judgment that I was holding towards them as back chat, still trying to prove myself right
So, firstly I just want to point out the recognition and gratefulness of how communication can be the key of self change, if we would allow ourselves to support each other, and stand as mirrors to each other, without judgment, and if we we would allow ourselves to be open to hear/see in humbleness the points being shown to us - we would accelerate our process as we move towards a self honest self directed stand of self as life - so this is one cool point I see within this event, the value of supportive communication, and it just goes to show that we can't do this alone, we could benefit so much from each other if we would turn our application to supporting each other within clear and self honest communication, and not isolate ourselves and each other through communicate within spitefulness or competition.
The other point I am grateful for seeing through this event is that I hadn't stopped - in all my blogs you will see that I write the self commitment statements and the all state so very clearly that within any reaction, before you do anything, you firstly would support yourself by STOPPING AND BREATHING, so, here I was, reacting within the desire to be right, desire to be agreed with, and I didn't stop nor did I breathe, I was consumed with the energy and thus not considering myself within awareness but being blindly directed by the energy of desire.
Within our supportive communication I shared with the being all that I saw within myself and that I have been writing about it but haven't really found a solution as a practical application to what to do in such an event, then I said that all I can see is to stop and breathe - as I said it I realized how I haven’t applied this most basic application of support, I have been still remaining in the realm of wanting to be right, wanting to find a way to stop the energy without giving up the desire to be right, expecting that rush of energy when I am told "yes, you have convinced us, we'll do as you say"… I expressed that I don't know how to act/be without the energy, what do I do after I stop? How do I continue from there? Within our conversation it became so clear that really the one thing that has to be done is to STOP AND BREATHE, and only after I have stopped myself within breath will I come back to the conversation, and allow myself to be humble, when the being said the word humbleness it all fell in place -
I haven't been stopping/breathing - I have been holding on to my pride within the desire to be right, instead of allowing myself the freedom of humbleness, as an expression of life and not one of knowledge, not desiring to be right, not participating in a power struggle, simply being here, as one within and as myself as one with the other being, looking practically and softly at the situation, and within it expressing myself in breath, no energy, just me, here
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express myself through and within the energy of the mind as the desire to be right
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "correct" one side of the polarity as being submissive, to the other side of the polarity as being aggressive/demanding within the desire to be right, thus not allowing myself to see that I am doing exactly the same, only on the other side of the same coin instead of stopping the participation with both sides of the polarity and allowing myself to exist and express myself within the stability of the equilibrium that is here
I commit myself to actually STOP myself and BREATHE, to stop my participation within the conversation/interaction if/when I see myself go into an energetic reaction, as the desire to be right, I commit myself to remove myself from participating in any conversation from within energy, because I realize it isn't in fact me participating as self expression, but as the mind as energy and thus creating and feeding off conflict and friction, thus creating consequences for myself and for others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think as back chat "hut I can't just stop a conversation in the middle, how can I do that, it will be weird" - yes, I realize it will be an adjustment, and there will be resistance at first, thus I commit myself to push through the resistance within the fear of being judged for changing myself, for stopping the conversation - I also realize I owe this to myself, I must commit myself to stopping the mind, to stopping my participation with energy, and thus, I realize that any change requires an active and consistent push, and I commit myself to push through this, I've seen what my participation within/as the mind as energy leads to - self compromise, abuse of myself and others, conflict and friction in my relationship with others as well as with myself - thus this must stop - I must stop this
When and as I see myself going into an energetic reaction within communicating with another being, I stop myself and breathe, I express that I am reacting, and thus cannot continue the conversation at the moment, I need to clear myself in order to continue. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being a pioneer, within fear of setting an example, because I realize that some people will react, but I also realize that I can't continue living my life through the constant consideration of what others will think of me, I must decide for/as myself who I want to be and them walk the chosen path as myself, living as an example for those who are willing to see, and those who are not willing - am I going to compromise myself as the living change to suit those that are not willing to see the common sense, that are insisting on remaining enslaved to the mind/money/consciousness - as I'm writing this I realize their roll in my life as they are always my mirror, thus I realize hat as long as I fear their reaction, I am actually fearing/judging myself as I fear/judge them - my relationship to them is showing me my relationship to self - showing me that I am not willing to see common sense because I am holding on to my self interest, I am allowing myself to remain enslaved to the mind/money/consciousness because I fear letting go of he safe zone I have been living within as self definition and familiar characters/environment
I realize the choice has always been mine - I chose to stop and change - so here I tackle another small single point, and commit myself to end it through stopping my participation within it - and I know what to do instead, instead of participating in the desire to be right as it comes up in a disagreement I stop, I breathe, I can express myself as why I am stopping, or not, depending the situation - but the main thing is that I do not allow myself to continue within the energy - I clear myself and only then speak.
thanks
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Saturday, September 15, 2012
Continuing from my previous
blogs:
In this blog I will go into
more specify in regards to how I created myself as the weakness character, through
applying self-forgiveness and corrective statements on the points I opened up
in my previous blogs
When I experience myself
not wanting to do something, but do it anyway, I can become sluggish and drop
my shoulders and express myself physically as weak...
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to do things within the self-belief as character
of "I don't want to do this", whereas within this character I allow
myself to go into self-victimization and as a victim see/perceive/express
myself as weak, instead of realizing that the experience of being weak is
created through the starting point of participating in the "I don't want
to do this" character, within this I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to do things within participating within the idea/self-belief
that "I do not want to do this", instead of realizing that the
experience I have towards anything I do is representing who I am within the activity
and not the activity itself, thus I forgive myself for not accepting and
allowing myself to realize that when/as I am participating in activities as the
directive principle of myself within realizing/understanding why I am doing
what I am doing and thus deciding for myself to actually participate and do it,
I will support myself in not participating in the "I don't want to do
this" character and thus support myself to not go into the self-victimization,
and thus the experience of weakness that is the direct outflow.
I commit myself to do things
within a self-decision where I know why I am participating within/as the idea,
and thus do not allow myself to go into the "I don't what to do this"
character, within realizing that within self-direction I can stop doing any
activity I am doing thus can never really do anything "I don't want to
do" because anything I do is done by me.
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to manipulate myself into believing "I don't want to
do this" as a character of the mind, to create energy within myself as
inner conflict, while not realizing that anything I do is a doing of self, and
thus I stand within self-directive principle and decide within/as myself what
do and what not
I commit myself to stopping myself
as the character "I don't want to do this" within realizing the
deception of it, and the consequences of it as creating myself as the weak character
Also when I do something that I define as inferior, so I will do it,
to avoid conflict, but I will experience myself as weaker than the situation,
like I'm trapped in the situation/task and I have to do it quietly
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to define specific activities as inferior and thus when I participate
within/as them I experience myself as inferior and thus allow myself to go into
the weak character, instead of realizing the self-deception within the initial
starting point of defining a specific task/activity as inferior, not realizing
that inferiority only exist as a construct of the mind and thus is a lie, within
this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the lie of
inferiority that I have been brained wash to believe through participation
within/as society and I commit myself to investigate all ideas/beliefs I have
been brainwashed to believe and to make sure that I am not walking within/as
self-abuse through participating within/as judgments/ideas/beliefs that do not
support all life within the principle of equality and oneness
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to participate in activities that I consider being inferior
due to fear of conflict, thus placing myself in a position of inferiority
within/as my own mind through my participation within the believe that "I don't
deserve to do this, this I beneath me" and within the fear of conflict not
standing up to change the position that I am about to step into, within this I commit
myself to investigate judgments towards activities and to clear myself from any
belief that some activities are more inferior than others within realizing that
if a task is necessary to be done to support life how can it be inferior? It can
only be inferior through the mind system placing things/activities/people on a
made up scale so we believe it as such, when in fact it is a lie
I commit myself to direct myself
and my actions within self-direction in self-awareness and thus not allow
myself to fall in the trap of the mind as believing myself a character
believing that I didn't not actually decide to do something but am doing it
anyway, within this I commit myself to take responsibility for everything I participate
within/as and within this commitment I realize that I am in fact responsible
for everything I do, and the character of the mind even when believing "I didn't
want to do this" is lying, thus I commit to be accountable for everything I
do and to do it within self-awareness that I am directing myself to do it, thus
not allow myself to go into the character of weakness
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to define specific activities as inferior, not
realizing that the idea of activities being inferior to others is an idea I got
through social/cultural brain washed through my participation within/as society
and thus I must investigate within self-honesty all points/activities I consider
being inferior within realizing that a physical activity cannot be inferior in
reality but only within/as the mind, and thus I commit myself to stopping
myself as judgment of specific activities of being inferior and investigating
the source of this opinion/idea to not trust the brain washing I have accepted
as myself, I commit myself to stop all thoughts/ideas in regards to specific
ideas being inferior and looking at the practicality of the task at hand, thus
teaching myself to make decisions based on practicality within the principle of
equality as what is best for all, and not on opinions derived from/as the mind,
supporting inequality/abuse
When I believe I am incapable of completing the
task, in other words, when I am experiencing myself as inferior to the task,
then I go into the weak character, like giving up before even starting, like
paving the path towards my failure due to believing I cannot make it...
I commit myself to stop
myself as the mind when I see myself going into the incapable character within
realizing that it leads to the weak character and is not practical in any way, I
commit myself to stop myself as the incapable character and to see within
practical physicality what can be done, instead of focusing on what I cannot do
within self-belief/diminishment.
I will look down upon those that express themselves as weak within
the assumption that they are in fact weak as the expression of who they are and
I therefore perceive myself to be more powerful than them.
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to look down upon people that I perceive as weak, instead
of seeing that they are mirroring back to self how I see myself in fact, thus I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look down upon myself
within perceiving myself to be weak and to project this outwards into others
instead of taking self-responsibility and sorting myself out
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to indulge in feelings of power when I am faced with a
being that I perceive to be weaker than me, not realizing that I am defining
myself and my ability/power in comparison to another and not in actuality, thus
I commit myself to stop myself when I see myself indulging in a sense of power
due to belittling another through a perception of them being weak, and instead
to stand as supporting them as myself if/when I can.
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to participate/exist within the polarity of weak/power and
thus compare myself to others in order to define myself according to which side
of the polarity am I on in comparison to them, and thus if I am on the
"upper" side as I have define within/as my mind, I will feel
good/powerful, and if I am on the "lower" side I will feel bad/weak
and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move back and
forth from good to bad back to good experiences through the manipulation of the
mind sucking up all the energy that I am creating through this emotional
turmoil at the expense of myself as the physical body and the physical existence
as a whole, only to satisfy my mind created characters that are designed to feed
the mind and to maintain self as the mind, to never realize myself as life as
that will destroy myself as the mind and thus the mind fight for its survival
as I allow it to through my participation within as characters as polarities
such as weak/power.
When I judge someone as weak I am rejected/repelled by it, I won't
value the person, I will judge and blame them for not standing up, for whining,
for complaining, for asking for mercy, I will not appreciate them, I will see
myself as more than them...
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to experience myself repelled/rejected by people I perceive
to be weak, not realizing that I am projecting onto them my own self rejection
due to the self-judgment/belief of being weak, and thus I commit myself to when
experiencing myself repelling another due to being weak or any other
characteristic I judge them for, I stop and breathe, I realize that I am only
seeing myself through the mirror presented before me as the other, and thus I commit
myself to take responsibility as to what I am showing myself and to investigate
the point and to stop myself within self-direction as I've committed myself and
commit myself here again to walking a process of equality and oneness within
realizing myself as one and equal as what is best for all, and thus I do not accept
anything less than equality
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to within judging another for being weak and repelling them
within an experience of rejection towards them within myself, within this I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to project onto others my own self
rejection and to manipulate myself through such projection as judgment to hide
from myself the actual point of self-diminishment as the weak character I am
participating with, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing
myself to hide from myself through projection the points I am experiencing
myself as weak and within this I commit myself to investigate/forgive/change
all points I am participating within as weak character because I have seen the
abusive path of weakness and I will not walk there anymore.
I commit myself to stopping
thoughts/back chat of weakness within/as breath, until it is done and I am
standing within self-trust, stable, here.
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