Day 161 - Shame - I've done nothing with my life

I'm continuing the point that opened up in my blog yesterday, please read it for context if you haven’t already - Day 160 – A life changing Decision

 

I experience shame - shame for not having the integrity to push myself regardless of having that financial safety net - I enslaved myself to my money through allowing myself to limit myself and not explore myself but instead hide behind the convenience of not having to push myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame, instead of investigating in self honesty what is the shame showing me within and as myself, and to commit myself to change and align myself to/as a principle I can stand as, to never experience shame again

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame for not having the integrity to push myself regardless of having a financial safety net

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my financial safety net as an excuse from exploring myself, expanding myself and allowing myself to actually live, instead of using my financial advantage to my advantage and actually put it in good use, instead I have allowed myself to fear losing it, and to lean on it as a crutch, thus limiting myself and creating over time a self belief of inadequacy

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the experience of shame is showing me what I have done, as I have allowed myself to limit myself, as I have allowed myself to create myself as self limitation in fear, instead of standing stable within and as myself and building self trust, self respect, self honor and self dignity by being all that I can be, by pushing myself to live fully, but instead I have built self doubt through accumulating justification for "not doing", not expanding, not exploring

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame instead of stopping the shame and correcting myself as seeing what I have accepted and allowed myself, as I have allowed myself to give up on myself, to close myself off in fear of falling and thus, have not allowed myself to learn to walk , and to commit myself to never again, to face my fears, to walk through them standing up and stable, because ei realize that either I direct myself or I will allow myself to be directed by my fears, and I realize that by allowing myself to be directed by my fears I am giving my power away, time and time again, until I reach the point of shame, because I see what I have done, and I see I could have done it differently, but it's too late, because the past cannot be changed, time cannot be turned back, and thus, the only practical solution is to commit myself to never again - thus, I commit myself to not allow myself to make decisions in regards what I do or don't do based in financial fear, I commit myself to let go the emotions I have attached to the situation through self forgiveness and writing, and to through common sense find what is the practical thing to do, I commit myself to not allow myself to fight for my limitations, as I have used all the excuses to not do things based on self beliefs that I am inadequate, not giving myself the chance to prove me wrong.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on trying and dedicating myself to a project because I had a financial safety net, and thus I have never allowed myself to discover what I can do, what I enjoy doing, where I can contribute, because I have always allowed myself to stop when things got hard, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing to leave my comfort zone, because I could afford not to, not realizing that only outside of my comfort zone will I face myself and be able to grow and expand, as I try new things and explore myself within them

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in shame because I realize I have never trusted myself enough to let myself make mistakes, and thus have limited myself and prevented myself from growing.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself in fear of falling, making a mistake and failing, within fear of survival as the back chat in my mind as "what if I loose all my money, and cannot provide for myself?" - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow and participate with this back chat, not realizing and seeing that it is this following the back chat that is the point of self sabotage, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe this back chat to be me and thus, to follow it as if I am giving myself some good advise, though I have never questioned where this back chat is coming from and why it is not actually supporting me in living out myself in my true and full potential, but is always diminishing me - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as self diminishment, and to accept myself as self diminishment through unquestionable believing and following my mind as back chat and self diminishing thoughts

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave myself to my money through allowing myself to limit myself and not explore myself but instead hide behind the convenience of not having to push myself because "I have money, I am fine, I don't need to work hard".

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a polarity between money and work, and thus believe that because I have money I don’t have to work, thus not realizing that I have defined money as good and worked as bad, instead of realizing that it is actually the other way around, as I have allowed money to limit my self expression, and haven't allowed myself to explore myself in/as work because I have defined it as bad / not preferred, and thus have been avoiding it, with money being the justification as to why I can allow myself to avoid work

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame, and within that to want to hide myself as to not reveal / exposed that which I am ashamed of and judge as myself, thus I have build up excuses and justification as to why I am "not successful" amongst them being a self belief that I am inadequate, that something is wrong with me, instead of seeing that the real point is that I simply didn't want to take myself out of my comfort zone, as I didn't want to inconvenience me, not realizing that only outside the comfort zone can I expand, and that only through inconvenience can I learn new things and grow

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame based on memories of the past, as I have defined myself according to what I have or haven't done in the past and thus within judging myself I experience shame, as I see in self honesty that what I have or haven't done is unacceptable and doesn't stand as life, within the principle of equality, within self respect and self honor, and thus instead of standing up within / as myself and stopping / changing myself to align myself within / as the principle of equality, and live as the expression of self respect and self honor, I have allowed myself to exist in shame, beating myself up for what I have done in the past, that which I cannot change as it is done with, thus, within this, I realize the experience of shame is a gift, showing me to myself within allowing myself to look in vulnerability what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as, but in the very moment of seeing shame as an energetic experience is no longer supportive, but is a point of self sabotage as it justifies self judgment instead of looking for solutions and corrections, thus, when and as I experience myself going into shame, I commit myself to stop myself and breathe, to practically investigate in self honesty and direct myself within self forgiveness and corrective statement to walk in a way that will honor myself as life, as the principle of equality

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame for not being financial independent, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself and judge myself according to whether I have been financially independent, and within this giving the highest value to financial independence, and thus diminishing myself to one aspect and judging myself accordingly, instead of supporting myself to grow within it and equalizing myself to and as that aspect, within investigating why have I not been financial independent and finding practical ways to support myself to change, instead of judging myself as an expression of the belief that it is who I am

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame because I was born to a financially stable family, and have not yet "made something out of myself" according to how I perceive and understand the system's definition of being a success, and thus, I experience shame that I have not made it even though I had all the opportunity, within this, I compare myself to those that were born to poverty and experience shame and guilt for having taking for ranted the life that I had while they had to struggle in poverty, within this I realize that the guilt and shame are a cover up, an excuse and justification to not stand up and change the inequality I see within the system, as I give myself a free ticket out through experiencing the burden of shame and guilt - no, I will not allow this, I realize shame and guilt have a role by showing me to myself though, holding onto them is self manipulation within self interest, as if to say "look I feel so bad about it, let me do nothing about it because my bad feeling is enough of a burden" - I commit myself to stop myself from going into and holding onto the experience of shame and guilt in regards to taking my life for granted, and instead to apply myself and become the persona that I can be, to stand in equality to the principle of equality, and this starts with myself, as allowing myself to be equal to myself and not less than who I really am, which is what I've been allowing all my life, and thus the shame for not actually living, even though I apparently had the circumstances to do so, what I didn't have is myself, to push myself to become myself in self honesty

 

I realize shame is a point of self support, it is a gift as it can be a point of transformation - I realize I mustn't hold on to the shame in energy and allow the shame to become an energetic experience as a form of self abuse and self punishment, but rather allow myself to investigate the point in clarity and stability, within allowing myself to see that which I, as the shame, am showing myself, and then, within what I find in self honesty, to forgive myself unconditionally within realizing that the past cannot be changed, it can only become a platform for self transformation and self correction.

 

When and as I see myself going into shame, I stop myself and breathe, I write out the experience and find it's source within self honesty, as I investigate and ask myself why am I experiencing shame, what have I done or didn't do that I have come to experience shame, and once I find the point, I write it out and commit myself to change within finding practical applications as self support to help me through the point to never again allow myself to relive this point of shame.

 

I realize I have been participating in a pattern of giving up on myself, not trusting myself, and excusing myself with not having to push myself through the effort / difficulty / resistance due to not having to support myself financially - thus, I commit myself to, from now on, not allow myself to give up on myself based on "I don't have to do this" I commit myself to establish common sense through writing the points out, and making sure I am not fighting for my limitations, that I am not justifying doing / not doing based on self diminishment and fear of failure, when and as I see myself going into the pattern of self diminishment and fear of failure I stop myself and breathe and push myself to deliberately do that which I resist doing, to prove to myself that I am not limited by the ideas I have created of myself within the mind trying to "protect" myself, while all along limiting myself from expanding, learning and living.

 

 

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Day 41 - Fear of Facing Myself within Shame - Self Forgiveness

Retracted from yesterday blog -  Day 40 - Fearing Judgment Day : 

So the first fear I must face is the fear of facing myself, within understanding that I, as self as life, am not who I am programed to be, I as life as self is not defined by the program, thus I must allow myself to see the program as myself, to see myself for who I have allowed myself to be, so that I can once and for all take responsibility and direct myself as support to all life, as that is the only way that I will be able to stand in the face of death without the shame I have now towards myself for not supporting life, the shame for ignoring life and allowing abuse, allowing pain, creating pain for my own personal interest, to get a good feeling that has been programed into me as sugar, to keep me running towards the temptations of the positive feelings and away from the negative, thus allowing myself to be a slave to my feelings/emotions, a lifeless robot that is moved and directed by cue, with no inner movement, no self will or self direction… is this who I want to be? Is this how I am accepting myself as?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within/as shame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself be ashamed of myself within taking who I am personally within believing who I am, as how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, defines me and thus I go into shame as stating to myself that I am accepting myself as who I have defined myself as, instead of actually investigating myself and making a directive decision as to who I want to be from here on out, as living into the physical the principle  of what is best for all within equality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself within the experience of shame, through not allowing myself to see/face myself due to fear/resistance of experiencing shame towards myself, within that allowing myself to be directed by the desire for "good" feelings while avoiding the "bad" feeling such as shame, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to use shame as what is actually here as a tool of self support to assist me in seeing/realizing myself as who I have accepted myself to be and from the point of seeing/realizing myself to push myself to change, and within this to stop allowing myself exist within/as shame.

within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the desire for "good" feelings and avoidance of "bad" feelings within not realizing that this is how I have enslaved myself to/as the mind as being directed blindly through good/bad feelings instead of directing myself as what is best for all within self honesty

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within shame within not realizing that who I am as that which I am ashamed of does not actually define me as life, and thus I can, within self will/movement, change myself in to a being that supports all life

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to use the experience of shame as a toll, to investigate that which I experience shame towards and to decide within/as self honesty who I want to be within/as the point, considering all life as a whole and not only my self interest, because I have realized that any self interest that compromise life is of the mind as separation, and thus a point that later comes up as shame towards self

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear shame within/as myself instead of using it as self support to expose/face myself, to allow myself to see within self honesty who I have allowed myself to become and take self responsibility accordingly and change myself as what is best for all within every point that I shame

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate points of shame because I didn't want to let go of the value system I have been existing as within points I experience shame towards, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defined myself according to the value system I was taught by my parents/society and within that allow myself to judge myself within the experience of shame when I do not stand as the value I was taught by the system, not realizing the extent of mind control within that as suppressing my self-expression, and not accepting myself as myself due to ideas of values and morality that I have accepted without considering life within/as the physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ashamed of myself within believing that that which I am ashamed of defines me, not realizing that within self will/movement I have the ability to change myself and to become a being that I will not be ashamed of because I will know I am living according to what I have decided to live as, within a self directed decision, and thus I realize that participating within/as shame is a self manipulation to not take responsibility and to actually change, but to prefer the self punishment in form of the negative feeling as shame instead of actually changing within/as the physical

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use shame as self manipulation to get myself out of looking/investigating a point within/as myself due to not wanting to take self responsibility, within the desire to remain within/as my self interest while not considering all life as what is best for all but to stay in my small bubble of self interest and shame not allowing myself to change myself into/as support of all life

I commit myself to stop myself within/as shame because I realize it is a self manipulation keeping me from changing within existing as separation from myself and the physical reality as life, and staying trapped in the mind as shame/judgment

I commit myself to show that shame is a self manipulation to get self out of taking self responsibility within this physical reality and remaining trapped within/as the mind as judgment and fear, within this I commit myself to take each point of shame within me as a gift of life and forgive myself within making a directive decision to change as what is best for all, because I know within self honesty that only that which is best for all is actually best for me within the consideration of living shamelessly and only within living that which is best for all can I face myself at my judgment day and stand with no regrets for all that I've accepted and allowed as myself

I commit myself to look at all points of shame and to investigate within self honesty if the point is valid within perspective of is it showing me myself as my participation within  a mind created point of self interest, and thus I will change myself within/as it, or if the point is not valid, within showing me a point I am judging myself for, due to beliefs/values that I have accepted from my parents/society, and thus ,I look at the value system I have placed and clear myself form the value system that has directed me through allowing myself to judge myself and others within it.

I commit myself to walk a day by day process of stopping the mind within/as breath through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements, because I have realized that being directed by the mind is not trust worthy as the mind as all beliefs/emotions/feelings are a lie within not actually being here as reality as the physical, and thus I realize that in order to birth myself as life from the physical I must allow myself to let go all that is familiar through my habit of participating with and believing the mind, and to reestablish myself as life here within/as the physical in every breath

Day 12 - The temper tantrum game – self commitment statements

Day 12 - The temper tantrum game – self commitment statements

Continuing my previous blog:

day11 - temper tantrum game

Earth's journey to life blog has been very supportive, go through the series in regards to temper tantrum for further/deeper perspective:

Day 43: Temper tantrum game

Day 45: Temper tantrum game Self Forgiveness Statements

Day 46: Temper tantrum game Self Forgiveness Statements continued…

Day 47: Temper tantrum game Self Commitment Statements

I commit myself to stopping myself as separation within participating within and playing out a temper tantrum, through realizing that by participating in a tantrum I am stating to myself that I am not in control of myself thus abdicating self-responsibility of the situation as myself, and that I have allowed emotion/desire/characters to direct me instead of pushing myself through writing and applying self-forgiveness to reveal/expose to myself the characters/desires that I have allowed to direct me, in order to be able to stand as self-directive principle by taking full responsibility for/as myself and not accepting anything less than who I am as life

I commit myself to not allow myself to emotionally manipulate myself into believing that I am not capable to handle this tantrum, that it is bigger than me, through realizing that I am here within/as breath, and that I have in fact created all the characters that I now believe to have control over me, I commit myself to see/realize and understand that I am the creator of all my characters that I have allowed to direct me and that I have been protecting through my tantrum, and thus realizing that as the creator I have the power/ability to stop then as I realize they are not of life, they are not real, and they only become real through my participation within/as them, thus I stop within/as breath within/as the physical as the only character that is in fact real

when I am faced with someone else participating within a temper tantrum, I commit myself to not allow myself to participate/support it by giving my allowance to the character and self-belief they have created, because I realize this is not who they are as life, but a self-created character that is not actually real but is an illusion that we have allowed ourselves to exist as and then to be controlled/directed by, and then to protect and fight to defend, I realize that participating within/as a temper tantrum is abusive towards self and others as self, and in in fact distracting self from actually seeing one's self  as one and equal as all as life, I realize that by supporting another's tantrum I am giving myself permission to participate in a tantrum of my own, thus not standing as support for another as myself within allowing and justifying my own character and tendency for a tantrum

I commit myself to stop myself as a temper tantrum within and as breath and to investigate the emotion/character/desire that I have allowed to accumulate within me to come to an explosion as a temper tantrum

day 11 - temper tantrum game

For further reading, please check out these blogs:

Day 47: Temper tantrum game Self Commitment Statements

Day 46: Temper tantrum game Self Forgiveness Statements cont...

Day 45: Temper tantrum game Self Forgiveness Statements

Day 43: Temper tantrum game

 

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into emotional tantrum and be directed and moved by this tantrum, not allowing myself to stop and realize myself as breathe here

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a temper tantrum due to having one of my characters exposed as a lie, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a temper tantrum within the attempt to save my character from the blame and accusations thrown at it, thus validating within/as myself that the character is real, not giving myself the opportunity to see it as it is, a self-created character

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate and support other's temper tantrum within the justification that I am supporting them, when in fact I am only supporting their character they are now protecting within their temper tantrum, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate and support their tantrum within the idea that that's what they want/need, thus allowing their tantrum to continue and not supporting them as life within the justification that it will make them feel better, thus placing more value on feeling good than on life as what is best for all within the realization that tantrums is NOT what is best for all in any way due to being directed by emotions as anger/spitefulness/desire and therefore lack any self-direction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with other's temper tantrum because "that is what they do for me, and thus that is what they expect from me" within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself and self-expression as support due to expectation I believe others have of me, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume other's will not see their character and do not want to see it to begin with and thus I will not show them within fear of their reaction within fear of conflict, thus allowing myself to be directed by fear/expectation as the character I have created myself as, instead of allowing myself to let go the character within the need to validate it through love and acceptance of others and allow myself to actually live as self-support if/when I see someone going into a temper tantrum

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project myself onto others within the belief that I am supporting their character and temper tantrum to please THEM when in fact the reason I do so I to validate myself as the character I have created as myself, and allow myself the right to go into tantrum within the expectation that others will not get in my way and support/participate in my tantrum within their desire to justify their own tantrums so that we can all keep our characters unchanged for ever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when going into a temper tantrum to stay within the self-belief and experience that I am out of control and cannot stop myself, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself within a temper tantrum not allowing myself to stop within/as breath within the realization that this temper tantrum is showing me a character I am fighting to protect/defend and to realize that within self-support I can stop myself as the temper tantrum to look at what I am showing myself within the tantrum, to see the character I have created and have allowed to control/possess me, to realize that within defining myself as this character I am now fighting for its survival instead of letting it go within the understanding that it is not real and is not serving that which is best for all due to it being an illusion as a character and not real as life

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel so guilty after allowing myself to fall into a temper tantrum and then to make myself feel better I opologize to all that were involved, instead of actually looking within/as myself to see/realize what character I was fighting to protect within the tantrum, to actually allow myself to face myself as the character and change myself as what is best for all, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and feel better through having others forgive/understand me instead of directing me to forgive myself through understanding the mind construct that I have allowed to possess me as the temper tantrum.