Showing posts with label mind control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mind control. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
for context please read my previous blogs:
Day 160 – A life changing Decision
Day 161 - Shame - I've done nothing with my life
What I didn't realize is that not everything is in my control, actually, when looking at it, almost nothing is.
What happened was that I had made the decision, but then I had to communicate to others that are involved with the point, and it turned out that the opportunity that I was preparing myself for, was no longer available, I had waited too long, or maybe it wasn't even available to begin with - come to think about it, it was never actually presented to me as a real opportunity but just as an idea, and I took the idea as reality, and started planning and projecting lovely imaginations of my predicted future, "now that I have made the decision and have already changed my life"… lol…
Anyway, for a moment there, when I was told the opportunity was not on the table, I wasn't laughing, I was actually very disappointed, and felt foolish for have seen it as a done deal in my mind, as a future projections and imaginations, existing in a complete illusion - Because, the opportunity was never actually here, as a real physical opportunity, it was merely an idea - but I didn't see it as such, I had run ahead of myself in complete separation from reality, from myself, from what is here. Telling people about this life changing decision, writing about it here in my blog, and really believing that because I had made the decision, that the point is done - believing that this is how life works, I decide on something and it simply happens…
What's cool about these previous days in regards to the decision is that I actually took it, I made the decision, what I didn't realize that it's not all up to me, and there are other forces at play, other people in the game.
So, after my initial disappointment, I tried to figure out what I had done wrong, was it because I told people about it, should I have kept it to myself until the deal was closed? Was it because I got so excited about it, is this existence punishing me through the polarity excitement / disappointment? Was it because of the fear and worry that came up within me, did I manifest my fears of failing and have failed myself before even starting anything?...
At this point I realized that I am not actually looking nor investigating in self honesty, but that I am now busy blaming myself, pointing a blaming finger at myself in anger, as if I have failed myself for missing this chance - I realized I am participating in energy as looking to see where I was wrong, not from a practical starting point of common sense as to learn from the situation and to expand from it, to realize another layer of myself, but from an energetic starting point of blame, as a form of self punishment, and thus, I felt worse by the minute as I found more and more points that I didn't stand in breath - so I became angry with myself, and not realizing that once again I've been busy getting lost in my mind instead of breathing here, in realizing that nothing physically had changed from a moment ago, everything that was here a moment ago is still here, I am here, and that which was never here was not really taken away as I experienced it.
I believed my mind created future projections to be of reality, and so I then experienced loss, as if I lost something that I had, but really I just lost an idea, an illusion, there was nothing to lose really - within this I realize that even if there was something to lose, would that justify my self blame and anger, would that justify allowing myself to experience this energetic experience as a form of self punishment? Even if there was something to lose, would I really be losing anything, or just an idea, a self definition, an energetic attachment?... I could really only lose something either created in my mind as an illusion, or something I have separated from myself and have placed value in that thing instead of equalizing myself to it, and thus experiencing loss, as if I am losing that part of myself that I haven't claimed as myself in equality.
I then experienced shame and embarrassment for telling people and now having to face them and telling them that I was premature, and that what I told them was not based on reality, not noticing that I was again in my mind, in future projections as to how will I face them, how will they react? Will they mock me for being so foolish, will they pity me for losing my opportunity?...
Man, why do I keep doing this, trying to solve things in my mind, always trying to figure things out in my mind, never allowing myself to simply be here, to breathe in self trust, to slow myself down, to return to myself, to return to the physical as myself, to be here, to live. I mean, what actually happened? Nothing really, I had a plan and it changed, I decided to do something and it didn't work out due to things that are out of my control - that's all that happened, but instead of seeing it realistically, I have spent all that time in my mind, creating and building up energy, creating and accumulating ideas, interpretations, beliefs, judgments, blame, justifications and so on, basically creating internal friction and conflict, creating my own suffering through my acceptance, allowance and participation within / as the mind.
I realize though, that my mind isn't the problem, all it does is reflects me back to myself, as through my participation with my mind I can see who I am as the beingness of myself, as what I have been accepting and allowing as myself. So, what is my mind showing me? It is showing me who I am, who I, as the beingness as myself, am accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be - lets have a look: self doubt, self hatred / anger / shame, self neglect / abuse / separation / hope / illusion - it is showing me that I don't know who I am, and that I am looking for myself in the future as a mind illusion, instead of realizing that I am right here, and since I am in fact right here, in every moment, I can get to know myself, let go the barrier of self judgment, and find myself within myself, here - I will not be more than myself if the future plays out as I planed, just as I will not be less of myself if it doesn't - yet, this is how I experience it, thus, my mind is showing me that I am not unconditional towards myself, my self value is dependent on how reality plays out, and within it my self respect, self honor, self love, self dignity - if this is who I am, as what I accept myself to be, what I created myself as, then I defiantly want to change.
Why am I not embracing myself in my own arms, like I would an innocent child? why am I beating myself up over this? Why am I looking to blaming myself? Am I doing so in order to justify to myself my self believed worthlessness once again?
This is so messed up!!!
How did I become this self abusive creature? Torturing myself in believing the abusive illusions of the mind while disregarding what is here as the physical, instead of supporting myself to stand as life, to empower myself, to build self trust, to find self care within and as myself and to embrace myself within myself, in understanding that I have created myself as who I am over years, and it will take self dedication to change myself, it will take a process, and as long as I am walking there is no point on beating myself up, because beating myself up is part of the "old me" that I want to change, I don't want to be that person that beats themselves up for making mistakes, it's sad.
In the blogs to come I will open up the points in self forgiveness, to investigate the points further, to answer all the questions that came up here, to understand myself more, to forgive myself, to allow myself to let go, and to direct myself to change.
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Monday, November 26, 2012
this is a continuation of my previous blog:
Day 100 - What is REAL
Day 101 - What is REAL - Part 2 - Self Forgiveness
I realize that all that I exist as, as the mind, is an illusion - not only an illusion, but an abusive one, an illusion that is directly abusing myself through creating conflict and friction, creating an unstable experience of ups and downs, that then, as an outflow I allow it to directs me to abuse others to have a sense of control and stability. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the mind, as allowing myself to experience ups and downs and then to try and have a sense of control through playing power games with those around me, trying to win, through any means necessary including the allowance of direct and indirect abuse
I realize that I have allowed the mind to play tricks on me, as I allow myself to experience blame or resentment towards someone in my environment, and I believe it to be so, I believe the blame and resentment to be valid, when in fact there are always many layers beneath it, that I am not allowing myself to see through my acceptance and participation with the mind's illusion. When and as I see myself going into the mind, as a reaction towards another in my environment, as blame and resentment, I stop myself and breathe, I realize that this is an opportunity to stop my participation with the mind, it's an opportunity to see/find/face another layer within myself that I have been hiding from myself through/within my acceptance of the blame / resentment, thus, I direct myself to see the reaction as a gift and not judge myself for it but rather allow myself to look within self honesty and find the point that is revealing itself, right beneath the surface, if I would only be willing to see it. Within this I realize that the reaction I am experiencing towards another is actually a point of self support, if I allow myself to take it as such, if I allow myself to investigate myself within self honesty, thus, I commit myself, when and as I react to another, to ask myself, and allow myself to see what am I showing myself, what have I been resisting changing through not allowing myself to see, what have I been trying to hold onto? Within this I realize that the mind is creating distractions for me to not have to face myself, and within my participation I am allowing it to continue doing so, as an agreement I have made with my mind, allowing it to distract me from seeing points I don't want to see, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to face myself, to prefer living in an illusion, to continue existing in fear, instead of allowing myself to face myself within realizing that it is all within myself, it is me, there is nothing to fear, it is not something separate that can hurt me, it is me, thus I commit myself to apply self honesty, and will myself to face myself, because I realize only through allowing myself to face myself will I be able to stop being directed by the mind, and start directing myself as actual self support, and from there to change myself and become a human being that can be trusted
I realize that I have accepted these illusions because I have not been self honest with myself, thus I have allowed myself to hide the actuality of myself within separation of myself, doing so within self interest, as I prefer existing as a lie that makes me look good and justifies myself rather than facing the truth, as the actual reality of who I am, which would imply taking responsibility for my experience/behavior/reaction and all that I participate with and exist as. Thus, I realize that I have been deliberate in my acceptance of the mind, as a preference not to see/face myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide myself from myself deliberately through my acceptance and participation within/as the mind, I commit myself to stop this, I commit myself push through the resistance and take self responsibility through first of all seeing/facing who I am, and within self forgiveness to start letting go of the constructs of myself
I realize that I have been existing as the mind without ever questioning it, I realize I have allowed myself to play dumb and hope that those that taught me all that I know, knew what they were talking about, and thus not seeing myself as responsible because I blindly trusted others, instead of using common sense, within seeing reality for hat it is, and within the directive of creating a world that is worth living in for all as the only accepted possibility for existence, I forgive myself for accepting reality as it is and thus have compromised myself, my children and all of life, instead of expanding myself and allowing myself to see that we create the world through our acceptance and allowance, and if the world is unacceptable it's because we are allowing it to continue as it is, and that only we/I can change it through allowing myself to step out of the mind, that has created this mess, and take responsibility and direct myself to create myself as trust worthy, and in turn a world that is life worthy for all
I commit myself to investigate the desteni material, to understand the design of the mind, so that I can stop taking all of it personally within guilt and shame and can start changing my relationship to it, I realize the value of understanding what I am dealing, and I realize it's my responsibility to self educate myself as to how it works, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give myself excuses as to why not investigate the material, I realize that it will take dedication and perseverance, and that even though I have never done it before, I know it's up to me to do it now, thus I commit myself to dedicate myself to understanding how the mind works through listening to the information provided by desteni, and to apply the information daily into myself within investigating myself as to not allow it to become another idea/perspective/interpretation/belief, but to see/investigate for myself, within my life, within my patterns, and to prove to myself it's validity
I realize that by participating within/as the mind as thoughts / feelings / emotions / reaction, I am only considering myself and disregarding all of existence and all living beings within it, within this I realize that I have been justifying myself within self interest because from the perspective of the mind, only I exist, only I count, only I need to be considered, thus, I haven't allowed myself to care about anything but myself, I have been existing in isolation for everything and everyone through existing in/as the mind - I realize that this world would be a great place if we all stop living in isolation, and within this I realize that my personal experience would be way cooler if I stop allowing myself to be enslaved to the mind in isolation, and start living as one with all life that is here, considering all that is here, caring for all that is here, and actually caring for myself.
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Saturday, November 24, 2012
I've reached my 100th blog, no bells or fireworks, just another day and another blog in my journey to birthing myself as life from the physical.
What does this even mean? Am I not alive?
REALITY - The practical physical world each and everyone lives in where the physical laws and consequences are equal for everyone.
One of the most substantial points I have learned since I have been walking with desteni is learning to distinguish between what is real and what is not - there is the physical reality as that which can be touched and smelled, that which is objective and can be shared and experienced by all, and on the other hand there is the mind, as our subjective point of view / perception / perspective of reality - our mind creates within ourselves a personal illusion, as a hidden/secret alternate reality that cannot be shared or experienced by anyone else but ourselves, and it does so through our acceptance, allowance and participation, where we, as our beingness, have given our power away to the mind, and have allowed ourselves to become enslaved to it, thus allowing it to be the directive principle of our existence.
Within submitting ourselves to/as the mind, we have allowed ourselves to exist only in the mind, in ideas / thoughts / beliefs / emotions / feelings / judgments / blame / projections and believing the mind to be reality while disregarding what is actually around us as the physical, and thus we have allowed ourselves to separated ourselves from the actual physical reality as what is actually here, existing within/as an illusion of separation as the mind, instead of walking the earth, one and equal with all that exists here as the physical, as life. Thus, as the mind we are not actually living, because we are existing as an illusion - to actually live would be to stop existing in the mind as separation and to live in awareness of the physical reality and thus become one with all that is here as the physical.
We as human beings, have got it all in reverse, we have programmed ourselves to believe that our mind represents ourselves as who we are, we believe our personalities represents ourselves as who we are, we believe that being alive goes hand in hand with utilizing our mind - "I think therefore I am" - because that is how it's always been, that's what we've learnt from our parents and society - we've never once considered that we are the ones that have created these personalities as ourselves which would indicate that we, as our beingness, were here first independent on the personalities, and that from our first breath we have been here, alive - only then, after our first breath, did we start "thinking", we started learning and interpreting what we see, judging what we see, and soon enough we have programmed ourselves as organic robots, disregarding our own breath, disregarding our own physical body, disregarding the fact that all that exist, exists here together and creates together all that is here, disregarding the simple fact that all is one from perspective of physicality, as one "cloud" of substance that has no actual borders and definitions - we are not actually separated as we, the "intelligent" human, have perceived and believed ourselves to be. And, due to our misunderstanding of the existence which we live in, we have given more value to the illusion as the mind, and no value to life, as the earth, as nature, as other living beings, as each other, and as ourselves - and we are living the result and outflows of this misunderstanding as we see evident in a cruel and abusive world system, that doesn't support life, but thrives on competition, self interest, manipulation and judgment - all within the realms of the mind as separation.
Existing within/as the mind is existing within an illusion that allows us to ignore everything that actually exist in our physical reality, allows us to ignore life itself, as we base our perception within self interest - we have created ourselves as personalities, and now we believe ourselves to be defined by these personalities, and thus participate only with that which supports our personalities and benefits them, enhances them, thus, existing within self interest, existing within an inherent fear of losing ourselves and thus in constant competition with one another to win. not realizing and seeing that we require energy to recreate ourselves over and over again to maintain ourselves as the personalities/characters we know ourselves to be, not realizing the destructive nature this consumption of energy has on us and existence as a whole – It works in the same way as the production of energy for electricity for example, energy is created through the consumption of the physical, turning substance into energy, and thus, our consumerism and the mere use of energy is destroying the land we walk on, destroying our home - we will fine the same construct in all dimension - as above so below, as within so without - our energy production, created and used to maintain our personalities, to survive as we know ourselves as the mind, is consuming our physical bodies, and thus destroying our home.
The more one investigate, one will see that the mind, within it's thirst for energy, is in fact the cause of all the suffering/abuse/conflict that exist in the physical reality where living beings are starving, being raped, abused, as we manipulate each other, destroy our home planet, pollute the water, make animals, plants and nature go instinct - this is all the result of human beings "nature" as we have allowed ourselves to exist as the mind.
What I have realized through this process of self investigation, is that the mind is very deceptive and manipulative, it never actually looks out for my best interest as looking out for myself as life, it is only looking out for it's own interest/survival - what does this mean? The mind needs energy to exist, it needs our participation to generate this energy, it does this through creating conflict and friction through the perception of separation, just like a battery that requires a plus and minus, a polarity, and just like how friction creates heat - so the mind creates friction as conflict within ourselves and our relationships, and creates the perception of separation as polarity, to generate energy for it's survival, disregarding ourselves as the beingness as who we are as life, equal and one to all that is life, to all that is here, to the physical as ourselves - all done to ensure it's survival - so why do we call this "self interest"? because at the moment we exist as the mind, we believe it to be ourselves, we experience the survival fear as our own – We have not yet realized ourselves as life, we believe ourselves to be the mind, and thus are equal to it and one with it - and this is the process, of rebirthing ourselves as life from the physical, that we are walking within this journey to life - to discover ourselves as life, through letting go of anything and everything that we have defined as ourselves through the mind, to return to nothingness, so that from a clean slate, so to speak, we can realize ourselves, without the veil of the mind, but simply as who we are, because once we remove all the layers of the mind - all that remain is ourselves, as life, within/as breathe, here.
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Monday, November 19, 2012
I continue my investigation of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, as i have started in my previous blog, Day 95 - Will there ever be Peace in the Middle East, and will continue in the blogs to come – I realize I have never actually investigated this point, I have always only heard bits and pieces, and I am now taking responsibility and committing myself to educate myself on the topic.
I just watched the documentary "Peace, Propaganda and the Promised Land"- you must watch it!!!
A few points of mind control were shown in this film in regards to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict:
- The media is deliberately disregarding the lives of the Palestinians - when an Israeli dies at the war, they show their families, they make it into a tragedy, but when Palestinians die, they rarely say their name, they just say a number, and even if it is a few dozen, they will say "just a few dozen Palestinian", like they are meaningless, like they don't count. We must realize that it is designed, planned and calculated, they want us to disregard the fact that these are human beings, just like us, with families, friends, hobbies… it's a constant and deliberate act of dehumanizing the Palestinians, as the media places more value on the live of the Israeli, and as we are exposed to this time and time again we accept it to be true. We are being desensitized by the media and we are allowing it.
- The use of words is a major part of the propaganda, as we are being brainwashed through the specific words being used to create within ourselves a desired point of view that we believe to be our own, but in fact we are being fed it. The media influences and thus manipulates our minds into seeing reality as they paint it for us, and as the repeat these words over and over they manage to make us believe it, and thus without our noticing they alter our grasp of reality. Two example that were given in the film: one is how the media had changed the description of the occupied territory Gilo into "neighborhood Gilo" thus, creating an impression that the violence and attacks by the Palestinians are taking place in a nice peaceful Israeli neighborhood, when in fact it in an illegal settlement, in illegal and occupied territory, and the second is where they use the word terrorist to describe pretty much everything and anything that is related to Palestinians, and here this has many levels of deception, because it is portraying the Palestinians as evil monsters, that are motivated by hate, and it's is creating a blinding screen to the fact that they are fighting for their land, they are fighting for a peaceful, respectful, quiet life, it is disregarding the fact that they are existing under a military regime and are being oppressed on a daily basis. The situation is described as the Palestinians are the terrorists, while the Israelis are merely defending themselves. Showing only a partial picture as they are not showing the actual and total time line within all it's dimensions.
- Within an agenda to create more fear and more separation, the media is determined to focus on how to create more anxiety as they show the situation escalade and deteriorate, on the other hand, they are avoiding showing any signs of cooperation, any signs of the possibility to coexist, there are many organizations/groups of Israelis and Palestinians working together on projects, on solutions, creating relationships as humans, not as sworn enemies. Images like these do not make it to the news/media, as they might allow us to see that maybe not all Palestinians are monsters, maybe there can be negotiations because they want the same thing we do, to live peacefully, safely and freely
I've come to realize that only within the principle of equality, within realizing that all are one and equal and thus the most beneficial way of action must be to support all life equally, because it would mean we are all taken care of, we all take care of each other, we all join forces and together as a unified force create a heaven for all of us on this earth that we share - within realizing this, and walking this principle we will be able to see more clearly the manipulation being done on us - because it is always done in self interest, and it is creating fear and separation. If we would understand and realize equality it would be much harder to fool us, because anything that doesn't support all life must have a hidden agenda for some to benefit at the expense of others, as long as we don't realize equality and continue believing we are separate and enemies, we will believe anything that gives us power, power to control, to abuse, to have the upper hand, because we exist in fear - and this is what they are counting on, that's why it's up to us to take self responsibility and deliberately will ourselves to realize equality, that is the only way to free ourselves from the enslavement we have allowed ourselves to exist as. But, most of us prefer to be ignorant, prefer to be followers, prefer to believe they are taking care of our interests while they are only taking care of their owns.
More exploration in the next blog, stay tuned
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