Showing posts with label horses. Show all posts
Showing posts with label horses. Show all posts
Thursday, November 29, 2012
What's interesting about working with horses is that they are a mirror to self, what this means is that they adjust themselves according to the person that is working with them, and will show them their weaknesses through "taking advantage" of their weak points of application, thus allow the person working with them to face themselves as their points of weakness - this is what happened to me today.
I've been walking Fat (he's a big horse) in the past few weeks, and have been learning learn a lot about how to direct him, he is a very well trained horse so it's been quite easy, but even though he is trained and knows exactly what he needs to do, he still will mirror me and perform according to how effective I am with him, thus, if I am exhibiting a specific pattern, he will tap on to it and act accordingly to expose it to me.
So he started with walking too close to me, and I allowed it, then he started to cut corners too close to me, and walk faster than me, and then he stepped on my foot, twice. I have not been affective in setting his boundaries, well actually, setting my boundaries as a wall between us that he should not pass, so essentially I have been allowing him to walk all over me and he, as my mirror, has been doing exactly that, thus allowing me to see that I have not been effective, have not been clear and direct, have not been consistent and basically have being expressing myself as a wimp.
How I experience myself, as I walk him, and want him to do something, is like a form of shyness, I don't feel comfortable being clear and direct, I don't feel comfortable with making big hand movements, I don't feel comfortable with making extreme gesture, I've been expressing myself as weak, like I'm asking him to please, and just if he's ok with it, do me a favor by slowing down or not stepping on me, I've not been allowing myself to be assertive, yes, this is the word I've been looking for - Assertiveness.
I see there is a polarity within myself as I have connected being assertive to being aggressive and within defining myself as a "nice person" I have been resisting assertiveness, not allowing myself to express myself with assertiveness. So, what I've been doing is that I try to get him to do what I ask, but I'm trying to be nice about it, because I don't want to be aggressive, within this there is a fear of hurting him, or even worse, a fear that I make a mistake and piss him off, and have him attack me or something of that sort. Within this I see that I haven't realized that assertiveness isn't aggressiveness, and that by trying to "be nice" I've not been clear in my expression towards him, not allowing myself to let go the "nice" point and simply be here and effectively direct the horse.
When I spoke about it to the person that works with him regularly and knows him, and horses in general quite well, she explained to me the mirroring behavior of the horses and showed me the specific points I must work on and emphasize as I walk with him. As we were discussing my application with Fat, I saw that I've been participating within the "submissive character" as a character that allows oneself to be abused, as I've been allowing him to "push me around" and even hurt me as he allowed himself to step on my foot, twice, which was the consequence of me not standing within assertiveness within holding my boundaries and being clear and direct.
Now I see the point a bit more clearly, it's not so much about being submissive, although it is a dimension within myself and a character I participate within, I find that the more dominant point is my resistance to being assertive, and the submissive character is an outflow of that.
I found a few dictionary definitions for assertiveness, the definition of 'assertive' I'm refereeing to is: Confident and direct in claiming one's rights or putting forward one's views.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the expression of assertiveness within defining assertiveness in relation to aggression, instead of realizing that assertiveness is a clear and direct stand of self, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist standing as assertiveness and instead of facing/questioning my resistance from assertiveness I have accepted the justification that it is connected to aggression and left it at that
I commit myself to, when and as I see myself resisting a specific expression, as assertiveness, I investigate the point to clear the definition I have given the specific expression, and within common sense, and within the starting point of what is best for all, I make a directive decision wither I will participate with this expression as myself or not, within this I commit myself to investigate how I've defined words and my relationship to them in order to be able to make a clear and direct decision as to who I am and how I would express myself, and not be directed by tainted definitions that I have never questioned/investigated, that are based in perceptions/fears/personalities
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear/resist expressing myself as assertiveness and as a result have expressed myself as submissive, thus allowing myself to be pushed around and abused, not standing up for myself, not setting the boundaries, not being self directive, due to fear of being aggressive, not allowing myself to see the self aggression within not allowing myself to stand up clear within myself
I commit myself to walk through this point of assertiveness, through opening it up in writing, self forgiveness and corrective statements, as to allow myself to stand here, directive within/as myself
I will continue in my next blog to open up the point of who I am within assertiveness
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Wednesday, November 28, 2012
For profound insight and further context as to what I will be writing about in this post, please consider gifting yourself with the awesome interview series - Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
A life chamber is that which contains life, that in which life exists within.
The physical, as earth, is the chamber of all life, just as each and every one of our physical bodies is a chamber of life, just as each one of us was conceived and developed in the womb of our mother as a life chamber, protecting us as life from all harm, supporting us, nurturing us, developing us.
We begin our life in a life chamber, as the womb of our mother, while our mother is existing within her life chamber as her physical body, within the physical reality as a life chamber, in which all life exist within.
Unfortunately, we as humanity, have got it all wrong, we are obsessed with our mind, possessed within it's illusions of separation, and completely neglect the physical reality, the physical which is our home - the physical is our home in a profound meaning, as it is who we are as life, as we are all made from the dust of the earth, equal and one with all that exist as the physical reality - yet, it seams that we, as humanity, have made it our life goal to destroy our home, to destroy the physical, to disregard and abuse earth, nature, animals, plants and our physical body as ourselves.
Now, back to the chamber of life, one must ask oneself who is responsible for whom - is the chamber responsible for the life within it, or is life responsible for the chamber, or consider the possibility that it is a mutual agreement between equals, where both the chamber and life itself are responsible of each other as one and equal, within the principle of equality - I would say an agreement between the chamber and the life within it makes the most sense, supporting each other as themselves as they realize they are actually one and equal. As this is the case, it seams to me like, we, as humanity have not been keeping our end of the agreement to support and respect the chamber of life in which we exist within, as our physical bodies, as earth and existence as a whole. It seams to me that we exist within an agreement, an agreement that we have failed and betrayed, and the proof is evident as we can see the consequences all around us, as the abuse, suffering and basic evil that is revealed within every thing us humans touch or come near to.
Lets have a look at a mother as she represents the source of all humanity, the origin from which each and every one of as came from, as we explore the different life chambers in a mother's life - there is the "womb chamber" as the mother's womb, in which her child, as the next generation of life, grows, develops and prepares to being birthed as a living being in the physical reality. There is the "physical body chamber" in which the mother herself, as a living being, exists within, as her physical body , and there is the "existence chamber" in which all humanity exist within, where the mother, as a part of humanity, as an organ in the organism of humanity, exists within the "existence chamber" as the physical reality, as earth, nature, sun, rain - all are part of the chamber of life in which humanity, and all living beings, exist within. So the womb chamber is within the physical body chamber which is within the existence chamber, and thus all three are connecter, intertwined with one another and influence each other - further more, we will see that all relationships between the chambers and the life within it, in all dimension, are one and equal, so that the same relationship we see between humanity and the physical existence, we will see between the individual human and their physical body, and that will indicate the relationship within the womb, as a one and equal expression of what we accept and allow within ourselves and within our world, as above so below, as within so without - all levels, all dimensions, all relationships are showing us the same thing - who we are as what we accept and allow within ourselves and the world as a whole.
The life chamber could be one of support and it could also be one of abuse just as a chamber of a prison cell. we, as human beings, have created this world as a chamber of abuse through failing our agreement with it, instead of having created it into a chamber of support, a heaven on earth, that all life live as one, in fulfillment, joy, and security, through our directive principle of taking self responsibility within the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all. But again, as we can see - as within so without - we have been abusing our bodies and thus created our bodies as chamber of abuse, as it reflects ourselves back to us with disease and pain. within common sense, it’s clear to see that as a result of all physical bodies being abused, our mothers womb would have always represented such abuse, and thus, has never been a chamber of support and growth, but as a platform of preparation to bring the next generation of life into to a world of abuse.
As long as we don't find it within ourselves to respect ourselves as our physical body, to support and respect earth within the physical existence as a whole, as long as we don't learn to take care of our home as the chamber of life, how will we ever be able to create a chamber, in all dimensions, that will be supportive for our children , as the new life that come into this world, innocent and naive, only to find a world of horror, abuse and suffering. If a mother, as a representative of humanity, as the core of humanity, doesn't care for herself, doesn't respect her body or the physical as a whole, how will she provide an effective and supportive womb chamber for her child to develop in? how will she then educate her child to care for and to support life?
The horses, in their interview show and explain how they live as one with the physical, how they experience pregnancy, how they experience the physical as one and equal - we have much to learn from them - We must stand up and change ourselves in all dimension, from the way we treat physicality as the earth and nature , to how we treat our bodies, to how we treat ourselves, to how we treat each other, and then, how we prepare ourselves to create and bring about a living being, a new life, that will be supported from their first breath until their last.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, as part of humanity, to abuse the physical reality, as earth, nature, plants, animals and all living beings, instead of honoring the agreement between all that is here as supporting each other as life, as one and equal, through considering and caring for all life in every breath I take
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am destroying the home in which I exist in, as the life chamber, as the physical reality, and thus, not realizing that by destroying it I am actually destroying myself and all life as one
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to honor all that is here as life, as the physical reality, and within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to honor myself as life as the physical body, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that through living as self expression of honoring life, I would prepare the world and myself for the next generation of life, for them to be welcomed as we allow them the basic living right as being born into a world of honor and support, a world where every living being is supported, honored and respected from birth till death
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as a woman I have a responsibility to support myself as my physical body within supporting myself as the physical reality as the chamber of life, to through correcting the relationship I have towards myself as the physical, to prepare myself to support the next generation of life, as through supporting and respecting myself as my physical body will I be able to support a living being growing within me, within the womb chamber I have prepared for them, and thus to support the next generation of life through all the steps of their development, from conception, till birth, through their first breath and until their last
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand the vast consequences of not caring and considering all life within/as the physical reality, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as within so without, thus not honoring the physical is a mirror of not honoring self as life, and thus a predetermined condition of not honoring the next generation of life, as our children, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that we, as humanity, are creating new life everyday, through baring children, even though we can't take care of them nor support them, because we have never cared for anything that is a live, thus, I realize that we must change, we must learn to respect all that is here, we must learn to respect ourselves as life, we must stop the abuse we have been participation within and accepting as a "part of life", and only through changing ourselves, will be able to bring forward new life and trust ourselves that it won't be abused and neglected, but will be taken care of and supported as it learns to take care and support all that is here and live in honor of the agreement that we have broken, thus correcting the sins of the fathers (and mothers). Within this i realize that for our children to mend the mistakes we have accepted and created, we must prepare them, we must thus, prepare and change ourselves, or else the abuse will keep existing into infinity, until humanity would completely destroy every living thing, including itself
I commit myself to continue walking the desteni process of self change through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements as a process of self investigation within self honesty, until I trust myself completely that I have freed myself form the enslavement of the mind and am no longer existing from a starting point of self interest, but from a starting point that is best for all, where within each breath I take, I support, care for and honor myself as life, and all life as one and equal.
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