Showing posts with label self diminishment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self diminishment. Show all posts
Monday, May 13, 2013
Day 191 – Daily writing commitment restart – Day 1
Day 192 – 21 days of self dedication - day 2 - I am a pessimistic
Day 193 - 21 days of self dedication - day 3 - self sabotage
Day 194 - 21 days of self dedication – misusing the desteni process
Day 195 - 21 days of self dedication - part 5 – but I am still here
Day 196 -21 days of self dedication – part 6 - experience of isolation
Day 197 - 21 days of self dedication - self value - day 7
Day 198 - 21 days of self dedication - Self Value - self forgiveness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not taking advantage of the time I had on the farm
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project this judgment as a fear of others judging me for not being effective / accomplishing anything in the time I had here at the farm, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear meeting my family / friends when I return, in fear of being judged for how I spent / what I had done with my time
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into emotional possession as an experience of fear / anxiety / worry towards meeting the people back home and facing their criticism / judgment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed with emotions as anxiety towards my return, instead of supporting myself in writing as to open up and see the point of self judgment being projected as the source of my emotional breakdown, and within this to apply self forgiveness in taking self responsibility to change in the points that require correction, and let go the points that are merely a mind created and false judgment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be effective in the time I had here at the farm, within not actually pushing myself in every moment to see / find / do something that will benefit me within self support
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to instead of taking the time I had here at the farm, and making sure I use it as effective as I can, within realizing that time is only running in one direction, and that is out - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that time is not on my side from the perspective that every moment lost will never come back, and so, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to act from within this understanding that there isn't much time though there is much work to be done
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for wasting my time and the time of others here at the farm for taking the time in their day to give me all the support that I needed but I had take it for granted, expecting something to happen / change because they were supporting me, not accepting the fact that with all the support that I get, I must support myself and commit myself to myself and dedicate myself to myself in order for anything to happen / change in my world and experience / relationship of / with myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself, even here in this supportive environment, to be self honest, to communicate in self honesty, and instead I have put on an act, trying to always keep my cool, trying to always seem ok, and only when the energy build up was too much for me to handle would I uncontrollably explode with emotion - thus, not using this supportive platform effectively, in learning how to communicate to others in asking for support, and in learning how to support myself when I see so clearly that something is building up within myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and my time at the farm according to an idea of how it should have been to have been effective and supportive and within that I am not allowing myself to walk my own process here within seeing in self honesty what it had in fact been, not in relation to an idea but in simply in reality, and within seeing what actually was to learn form it, as appose to judge myself for it based to comparing myself to an idea
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see all the insights and realizations I have picked up at the time I spent in the farm, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not seeing / realizing, instead of simply leaving it as is, and within this allowing the realizations to come up from within me, and not from judgment / fear / expectation of the mind
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Monday, March 25, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blog:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
in the past few days i have been walking in writing the point of the experience of overwhelming resistance that has been coming up within me - i have been giving my power away to the resistance to take over me, i have been entertaining the resistance as i try to resist it and push through, but i end up giving up and allowing myself to be directed by it - and so each time i end up giving up - the resistance grows stronger, like bacteria that learns to be tolerant to antibiotics - each time i i don't push through, but just "give it a shot" only to then give up - the next time around the resistance is stronger and i am weaker...
a specific point i have been resisting is the writing of commitments statements, because i already saw that i am not actually applying myself, and so i didn't want to place in writing that which i already knew i will not stand as - and so, what i found here is that i have been writing corrective statements that are too "airy fairy" and not down to earth, and also not correlated to where i actually am within my process, like i would write commitments that i simply cannot stand as, setting myself up for failure - anyway, from airy fairy commitment i went to no commitments because i couldn't stand anymore writing them and knowing within myself that there is no chance of application, so now i am walking the process of stopping the resistance and pushing through as well as placing common sense and practical commitments that i can walk, that are grounded as to where i am in my process
i realize there was, and still is, self judgment towards "where i am in process" so this is another point to let go and not allow it to sabotage me - i guess i am learning to see the difference between the judgment that is me showing myself that i am being self dishonest and i better get my act together or i will live a life of shame, guilt and regret, and thus, i can use the self judgment as a tool, as an indication of where i must correct myself, so i can grow and expand and learn from it - and then there is the self judgment that it's only purpose is self punishment, self abuse, self diminishment, self sabotage - all within comparison to others, or to ideals i have created, whereas this self judgment is not valid as it is not supportive in anyway, and thus must be stopped.
so, here is some of my writing - i'll post it in sections as i continue walking / writing it out. i started with writing some points out for myself about wanting to change and walk this process but not wanting at the same time, and as i was writing about it all the reactions and resistances came up, so i had a cool opportunity to write about my experience in the moment, writing the resistance as the resistance was in my face. then i broke it down and added self forgiveness, and now i am writing for each self forgiveness statement a corrective statement, though in some cases more points open up...
---
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by what I "feel" like doing rather than directing myself according to principle as a directive decision
When and as I see myself going into the experience of "I feel like / I don't feel like" I stop myself and breathe, I realize I cannot trust myself within following what I feel / don't fee like because it is not within considering the actual reality, not considering myself and my best interest as life, and thus not considering what is best for all as life - I realize that within following what I feel / don't fee like I am compromising myself because it always leads to a path that is not self supportive in all ways, a path that is in some way self abusing and compromising / disregarding others, as it's an attempt of self interest, though it is only short term self interest, and so, I realize that by following what I feel / don't feel like, instead of following the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all life, and directing myself within self honesty, I am existing as the problem in this world and in my life, instead of standing as the solution, as a living example of how, if we all stop existing / following what we feel / don't feel like, and instead consider the physical reality, consider each other, and follow a principle that direct us to self support and support others as ourselves equally, to bring about a world that is best for all life, and exist as self honor, self respect instead of shame and regret.
Thus, I commit myself to, when I see myself going into the experience of wanting to do what I feel / don't feel like, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here to the physical as my physical body within breathing, and I ask myself what would be more beneficial in the long run, what course of action would make me experience regret, what is aligned in self honesty / self responsibility and what is in self interest - and within considering all these points, I remind myself that I am worth walking through some resistance for
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled and directed by what I feel like or don't feel like doing, not realizing that I am allowing myself to be directed by the mind in self interest, as the interest of the mind, as I have realized and seen that when I follow my "what I feel like or don't feel like" it is never actually in my own self benefit as self support, it is always a short lived satisfaction followed by consequences of regret, guilt and shame, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow my "feel like it and don't feel like it" instead of living within and as principle as the director of myself, within making a clear decision as to who I want to be and commit myself to myself, rather than allowing myself to follow blindly my mind, into self sabotage
when and as I see myself going into the experience / character of wanting to do only what I feel / don't feel like, I stop myself and breathe, I take a moment to look at the outflow / consequences of my actions (or lack of actions in the case of "I don't feel like), I ask myself in self honesty if this course of action will lead to shame, guilt and regret, and if the answer is yet, I commit myself to find another course of action that is aligned with who I am in self honesty, a course of action that is self empowering, self supportive and that is not harmful or abusive towards myself or others in any way. I realize that it will be hard at first, but the more I empower myself in not following what I feel / don't feel like, it will become easier, as I will become the directive principle of myself, as not following a random experience / thought / desire, but follow myself as who I really am, as walking a course of action that is actually in my best interest, and not in the interest of the mind as short term satisfactions generating energy and followed by the polarity of shame, guilt and regret.
Within this, I commit myself to "go easy" on myself, as to walk at my own pace, no expectations based on comparing myself to an ideal, but to actually walk in self honesty, and each day push more, but not push more than I can from a starting point of self judgment - and so, I commit myself to walk this process within gently embracing myself, as nurturing a struggling plant until it is standing stable as a strong tree
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk this process within the starting point of self, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to truly walk it for myself, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk it within the experience that I am being watched / judged and thus within fear of judgment, within fear of "what others will think about me" I allow myself to be motivated only when I know that someone will see if I don't do it, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing others in situations where I believe they would judge me or see me for my weakness, such as within my giving up, not realizing that it's not them that I need to explain myself to, it's myself, and they are only reflecting to me, as I am projecting on them, my own expectations, judgments and disappointments of and as myself.
*** this is a hard one for me- lots of resistance - back chat "how can I change from walking this for others to walking it for myself? How do I find that point of doing it for myself?"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the back chat as "how can I change from walking this for others to walking it for myself? How do I find that point of doing it for myself?" as the truth of me, and to believe that changing my starting point is something I don't know how to do, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect there to be a big and dramatic "doing" when it is actually a simple/small/delicate change in intention, there isn’t a doing besides making the decision within self and living it as self expression, it's a point of awareness, of intention, and so, the idea that I don't know how to do this cannot be real, because if I have it within myself to see the point as a problem / question, I must have it within me as directing my awareness as a solution
and so, when and as I see myself going into the experience character of walking this process / my life from any starting point other than for myself as myself as self support, I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here in breath to my physical body, I realign myself and check / ask myself why am I doing / about to do / not doing , what is my starting point, is it fear / desire / pleasing another / expectation, within this I commit myself to, as I stop and take a moment within breath to investigate myself here, to direct myself according to what I would do as self support, what would I do if I were the person that I want to become, as a self responsible self respectful being that supports oneself and all life equally as one - what would I do then?
I realize that any fear of judgment is reflecting my own self judgment, and thus, I can use the self judgment that comes up as an experience of being judged / watched, as a supportive tool within my process, as to allow myself to see what am I judging and within self honesty to make a clear decision whether this is a valid point as showing myself that I need to step up my application or it is not a valid point as it is within comparison and self diminishment - and so, when and as I see myself going into fear of judgment from others, I stop and breathe, I realize I am facing an opportunity of seeing myself as I am reflected within this judgment, and thus I stop and take a moment to look at the point in clarity and within breath, and allow myself to decide / chose a new course of action that will support me and will be aligned with the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all life
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk my process within a starting point of self, as self support, as realizing that this is how I can give myself back to myself and rebirth myself as self honor / respect within taking self responsibility for / as myself, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to instead of walking this process for and as myself I have been walking it in projecting my own self judgment onto others and fear that judgment, and thus walk within the attempt to avoided receiving this judgment from others, and thus only do that which others may see and judge, while not do that which is truly for myself, even though I see, and I know that I have not walked the point, yet I have created myself in separation of myself to a point where I do not see that it is me that I am walking for, and thus disregard my seeing of self, and only allow myself to be motivated / moved by others seeing me
I realize that any point within me is pointing out a relationship I am holding within myself, and am restricting / limiting myself within this relationship, as I exist in relation to the point, in separation of/from it - I realize that within walking my process in an attempt to avoid any judgment from others what I am showing myself is that I am not ready / willing to face my own self judgment, and I am actually hiding from it, from myself, and so, in a process to becoming one with myself, I must use all of myself that is here in order to see / face / know myself, and so, when and as I see myself doing anything within a starting point of what will others think of me, I stop myself and breathe, I ask myself within breath in self honesty, if I can do this within the starting point of self support as what is best for all life then I will go ahead and do it, and if there is no point of self support and it is only "for others" then I stop my participation - and so, I use the initial point of projected self judgment as a tool of self support, as to investigate what I am doing and participating within, and deliberately in awareness changing my starting point to be for / of / as self.
I realize I have been existing in an idea that this stuff should happen magically, I didn't consider myself as being directive, I didn't understand what it means, and now I see that it is a point of being here with myself, having my awareness here with myself as the physical, and so by asking myself questions I am bringing my awareness back here as the first step in making a directive decision and living it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an experience of resistance due to reading an email with a suggestion for an assignment
I realize that when my relationship towards something changes due to reading an email it is not me directing myself in awareness but am allowing myself to be directed / controlled by the mind in energy, and so, as it is of the mind and not a physical fact / reality, I have the choice of participation, and so, I realize that such points are a point of transformation, as only by walking through the resistance of the mind will I claim my power back, and so it must be done - when and as I see clearly that my actions / experience is suddenly changed I know it is a mind reaction and thus I breathe and direct myself to continue with what I had planed / decided upon prior to the mind possession, and so, I either take a break to write and breathe and clear myself form the possession, or I simply push through in that moment - thus, when I see myself reacting, as changing my entire experience towards the situation / a point, I know I am not self directive but am allowing myself to be manipulated by the deceptions / self interest of the mind, and so I stop and breathe, focus on my breath, and direct myself to return here to myself as my physical body, as this is the highest priority - returning to myself in breath and stopping the back chat that is fueling the mind / energy - and so I stop and breathe and don't participate in back chat, I return here to my body in breath and breathe until I am stable to make a directive decision as to where / how to continue.
I have found that I always know that I am running away, as I am running away, and so the problem isn't noticing what I'm doing, the problem is to actually take the moment and breathe, and be strong enough to change the direction of my actions, and this strength comes from self care which will be built the more I care about myself - it's a loop the feeds itself - the more I care about myself and act in self support the more I will actually care and the more strength I will have for the next time,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to walk this process as to understand this point of why / how I am allowing myself to be directed by resistance, and yet not be willing to actually walk it, as, not be willing to take the time and walk the practical physical steps that it takes to accomplish the task, and thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize the practical physical steps required to actually walk the point, and thus I allow myself to "oh, I want to do this" without taking into consideration and actually accepting the practical physical steps that are required to be walked, and so, when the steps are here for me to walk, as to sit and do the writing, and face myself, and breathe, and slow down, and open up… I resist it, because it isn't what I had signed up for, because I was living in an idea, as an illusion, of wanting things and hoping that just through wanting they will manifest magically, and thus not be ready to actually walk the point into creation.
I realize that anything that is to be walked in the physical will have to be walked through a process in space time, and thus, nothing will be immediate as magic, which is a cool indication as to recognize what is real and what is of the mind, for what is real will take time as a physical process, whereas within the mind I can go from happy to sad without any process just by being triggered in a moment - and so, when and as I see myself or my relationship to the situation or another being change in a moment, I stop myself and breathe, I realize it is a mind trick and is not real as a physical change, it cannot be trusted and thus I mustn't participate with it as an act of self integrity, and on the other hand, when I see a point requires time, effort and attention within a physical real time/space reality process, I may investigate if this is a point worth walking, because it has "past the test" of realness as it is aligned with physicality as a process that actually takes time and effort - when and as I am faced with walking a point that requires time, effort, dedication I realize this is something real and as such, deserves my investigation of whether to participate or not, and if I decide to participate it is within realizing that anything worth doing will take time, effort, dedication, as that is how the physical moves
*** this point is hard for me - unclear - resistance!!!!!!! I am totally restless!!!!
I am breathing, did a handstand -now I continue
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself be directed and distracted by this background noise of resistance as discomfort, instead of directing myself within force and not stopping until I push this resistance away
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing any excuse to be valid as a justification to take a break and stop, not realizing that every time I give in to excuses / distractions / justifications I am setting the bar higher, and next time I will have to walk through a greater excuse / justification, as this will not end until I end it - and so I realize if I want to stop dancing this dance with resistance, I must stop playing it hard to get and actually stating a clear and steady NO. (lol, I like the analogy)
I realize as long as I don't stop and direct myself it will only get harder and harder, I realize it will be hard and painful and thus to support myself in pain and discomfort I have breath, and so when and as I experience pain and discomfort I within breath see if I am resisting something of what I am doing or intending to do, and if I see there is a point of resistance, and that my physical body is expressing this resistance for me to see, I push myself to continue in breath, despite the discomfort, as I have directed myself to do so, and then once I am done or satisfied I am done for the moment, then I investigate the point of resistance. Or, if the discomfort is overwhelming, I stop what I'm doing and investigate the resistance as the expression of discomfort / pain in that very moment, as to find the source / reason and clear myself form it so that I can continue.
Now, lets see if I can do this now - my legs are giving me great discomfort - this is the main excuse coming up within me as to not continue writing - the last statement I was working with was in regards to actually physically doing what needs to be done in the physical, as for instance sitting by the computer for hours and actually being focused and effective, it's a point of grounding myself, as not to stay in the fantasy of desire / good idea, but actually come down to earth and do what it physically takes to get this point done in reality, it's a slowing down and coming down from the cloud, it's a point of laziness - so, it's a combination of not wanting to let go the fun of getting excited about ideas as well as not wanting to let go the laziness as an excuse to not manifest these ideas, as I want to manifest them but do not want to commit myself for the effort - so the resistance is not wanting to let this go - do I enjoy this construct? No I don't! why not? Because I end up doing nothing, I am a bitch to my resistance, so I am a dreamer and not a doer, always wanting and having ideas that I can't create because I have never allowed myself to physically build the bridge.
This point has been a major issue for me, I always lived within a self definition that I lack the ability / intelligence / skill to build the bridge that will bring me from the idea to the manifestation of it. And now I see that this construct that I have accepted as myself even though it has brought me much suffering and frustration, I do not want to let go of - who will I be if I am capable of building this bridge? Why am I terrified of the idea of not existing in these limitations, why do I feel like these limitations protect me in any way - like there is something scary of being a success, being capable - it's like there is an inner knowing that if I let this down I will have no excuse and will be able to do anything - and this thought freaks me out.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
This is a continuation from my previous blogs:
Day 129 – Self Judgment – Part 1
Day 130 - Self judgment - Part 2 – Appearance
Day 131 - Self judgment - Part 3 – Appearance - Part 2
and for those that are interested in further self support in regards to self image please visit this blog, as it is walked through is specificity, self honesty, and self support: http://malingunilla.blogspot.com
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in self rejection/hatred due to not living up to the ideal image I have created in my mind, and thus allow myself to abuse myself through self rejection/hatred due to not looking like an image, not realizing that within doing so I am diminishing myself as a living multidimensional being into a one dimensional image, and within diminishing myself to a one dimensional image judge myself as not looking like the image in my mind, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am not an image, and I am not defined by the way I look but rather by who I am within myself, within my application, within who I am in my relationship to myself as my physical body, and not what my physical body looks like, thus if I accept and allow myself to judge myself for my appearance, that is who I am, equal to my acceptance and allowance as self judgment, as separation of myself as my physical body - thus, I realize it's not about changing my appearance, but rather changing my relationship to and as myself, to become the living expression of self acceptance, of self love, of self honor and self respect, to become one and equal to and as my physical body
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore my physical body as a living being, as the chamber that allows me life within the obsession of my appearance, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be grateful and honor my physical body unconditionally as the chamber in which I live in, as what allows me my physical existence in the physical, and instead I have only judged it within my desire to look a certain way and my physical body not molding itself into my desire, within this I realize that my physical body is real, here as the physical, where as my desire to look a certain way is based on the mind as an illusion, as the acceptance of a beaut ideal that has not passed the test of time, as it changes in each generation, in every new trend and fashion, thus, I realize that my body not molding itself into my desire has given me the opportunity to see my desire for what it is, to realize that I have been existing in my mind as the obsession as self judgment towards my appearance, as creating inner conflict and friction in my life, and within seeing this through the support of my physical body as not following my desire I can now change myself within taking self responsibility for who I am, and stopping myself as the mind, as the illusions my desires have been following.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within believing I should look like the image in my mind, I have validated and supported and justified through my acceptance and allowance the existence eating disorders which are actually a reflection of myself as I do not accept myself within and as my physical body, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my self judgment within the fact that I do not have an eating disorder because I have never crossed that line, but I haven't realized that I am participating in the same construct as I do not allow myself to accept myself as the physical body I exist within as do beings with an actual extensive eating disorder, thus, by participating in self judgment towards my physical appearance I am in fact participating in and validating eating disorders.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see my physical body through the eyes but through the mind, as the eyes see without judgment while the mind interprets and places judgment within self interest as a way to blind self from actually seeing through the eyes the physical reality which is here, as the mind act in self interest in disregard of the physical body and the physical existence as a whole and thus exists as self judgment to create inner friction and conflict to generate energy consumed from the physical, though this is hidden behind the accepted blinding effect of the mind, as placing the attention on the illusion as appearance instead of reality as what is really going on here on earth, as I have been spending my time caring about my appearance while ignoring the actual atrocities as abuse and suffering that is happening all around me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disease not within concern to my body's functionality, comfort and well being but within concern to my appearance, how will I look like if I have this or that condition, thus having it all in reverse asi have been ignoring what really matters as matter, as the function of the physical, as the condition of the earth while giving all my attention to myself in self interest within the desire to look in a specific way , I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disease from a starting point of fear of judgment due to the consequence of the disease as a change in my appearance while ignoring myself within and as the physical body, as the discomfort, pain, suffering, weakness and within this ignoring all the pain and suffering that exist in the world, within this dismissing the opportunity to heal myself and existence as a whole because I have accepted and allowed myself to put all my attention on what I will look like and what people will think of me as a construct of the mind and not on reality as the physical, not through judging it but through practically considering what is best for all life, including my physical body, and acting on it within self honesty and common sense.
I commit myself to stop my participation with judgment of appearance towards myself and towards others, I commit myself, when and as I see myself going into self judgment or judgment towards others, to stop and breathe, to come back to myself as the physical within and as breath and stop my participation within and as the mind, I commit myself to use the self judgment as an opportunity to return to myself within and as breath, thus, when I see myself in a moment of self judgment, I stop and breathe, I stop the thoughts, I stop the back chat, I return here to and as the physical as myself, and I do this time and time again until self judgment is not directing me as my experience of myself, within this I commit myself to write down to myself the specific back chat and specific self judgment that come up, and to walk a process of self forgiveness in self honesty, within realizing that I am harming myself as the physical body while participating in self judgment, and in that allowing harm and abuse of the physical in all it's dimensions and levels, thus I realize that any change must start with self, and thus I commit myself to through walking the process of writing, self forgiveness and self correction in practicality to be a living example that self judgment can be stopped
Thursday, November 15, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
Day 86 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 7 - Self Forgiveness
Day 87 - Fear Dimension - Inferiority - Part 8
Day 88 - Fear dimension - Part 9 - self commitment
Day 89 - Fear dimension - Authority - Part 10
Day 90 - Fear dimension - Part 11 - Self forgiveness
Day 91 – Fear Dimension – Part 12 - Fear of Losing MySelf
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as good/positive and thus fear losing this definition of myself within believing that without this self definition I will be lost/gone, not realizing that the definition I have of myself, based on the values/morals I was brought up as, as part of my family/society , is within a polarity of good/bad, right/wrong, and thus based on judgment of the mind, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by living as a self definition I am not allowing myself to actually see me, as know who I actually am, because my perception has been tainted through the desire to fit in what I believe to be desired/accepted by the society/family within the norm/value system , thus I have allowed myself to mold myself into a definition I believed to be suitable for me, thus suppressing myself as who I really am, as not allowing myself to see the parts of self that don't fit into that predefined mold, as not allowing myself to even know the totality of who I am in fact, in order to hold on to a definition I have created as myself, without considering anything else besides my perceived survival, not realizing that by allowing myself to be directed by the fear of survival I have actually sacrificed myself as life, and thus now, instead of allowing myself to expand as life and change within the principle of what is best for all life, I have trapped myself in self created and accepted definitions that I have created as a survival mechanism within self interest not considering myself as life and all as life in equality, allowing myself to exist and participate within/as the mind as separation of myself and reality as a whole
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a definition, as a one dimensional, static, based in the past, 'dead' definition instead of realizing myself as life, as a live, dynamic, ever changing, ever expanding, multi dimensional living being that is by definition indefinable because any definition would be a form of limitation/enslavement and thus not align with or supportive of life as who I am
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the definition of myself as good/positive within believing that it actually defines who I am, not realizing that who I am is not in fact limited to a definition and that existing as a definition is based on self diminishment as a mind manipulation to keep me enslaved within separation ad not know/realize who I am as life, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing definitions I believe to be true within/as my reality, as the religion of self as the religion of knowledge, as I have based my point of view on these definitions/beliefs and if I am to change the definition/perspective I have on reality it would mean I have to change myself as my point of view will change, within this I realize that there exist a fear within me as to not wanting to change myself, where I want to change without changing due to fear of change, due to fear of stepping out of the comfort zone of what is familiar as how I know reality to be, and to step into a new unfamiliar experience of the world and my reality through the new/corrected definition/perspective, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear change, and within that to allow myself to be limited as who I believe myself to be, not allowing myself to expand/grow/change within realizing that what I believed to be true doesn't stand, and thus must be let go of, in order to find a new and more accurate, more supportive, more applicable definition/perspective that actually supports self as life and all as one as equal and doesn't support the polarity of the mind, as comparison / limitation / judgment / abuse, I realize the world that exist today must change, and thus all definitions/perspectives that create the world must be changed in order to "make room" for a new definitions/perspectives that actually takes all life into consideration and supports life as what is here in the physical reality and not supports the mental alternate reality of the mind in definitions / judgments / limitations / beliefs / comparison...
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do everything in my ability to protect the definition of myself as good/positive, within this allowing myself to disregard myself as who I really am within the deepest/hidden parts of me as to ignore myself as the evil that exist within/as me as to remain within the self belief of being good/positive, not realizing that through not allowing myself to see the totality of who I am, and only existing within the narrow definition I have created for myself, I am in fact suppressing myself in order to exist/live as an idea, which is really silly when you think about it - I have preferred to live as an idea instead of allowing myself to be/live/express the totality of myself and within that to will/push myself to change anything that isn't aligned with what is best for all within the principle of equality and oneness. so basically, instead of changing myself from within to be aligned with what is best for all within equality and oneness, as being the person I want to be, a person of dignity that supports all life in fact, within and without, I have suppressed myself, and thus actually hiding from myself those parts of myself that require attention and correction, so instead of changing I have suppressed, not realizing that as long as I suppress myself I am still directed/enslaved by the points of suppression that I am hiding from myself, because of the fear of letting them come out, not seeing the influence they still have on me through allowing them to still be a part of me through deliberate suppression, so within this I realize the self sabotage pattern of keeping myself confined to a narrow self definition as a way to actually keep me enslaved to all the darkest most evil parts of me that are actually the directive principle of me as long as I don't face them and accept myself as them to, through accepting the totality of myself, without any judgment, change myself, through writing, self forgiveness, and breath, until I am standing stable as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the thought/idea of changing the definition I know of frequency, within believing that the definition I have is the only one that could ever be valid, not allowing myself to consider that all that exists now in the world is based on the current accepted definitions, and thus to change what is here we must allow ourselves to change any and every definition into that which supports life and is best for all, if we want to create a world that is best for all. I realize that the world is a reflection of all the definitions we accept within it, and thus all definitions must be investigated and redefined as to what is best for all, thus within realizing this I now see that any resistance I have towards changing a definition of any word is based in self interest, as I don't want to change the word because I don't want to change myself within/as the word, due to believing that I benefit from how things are as it is, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself and all within resisting the change and redefinition of words, and thus not allowing myself to consider changing the definition of 'frequency', I see within this I have attached an energetic value to the definition I have of 'frequency' as it symbolizes my studies, it symbolizes my intelligence, it symbolizes my knowledge, and that is what I fear letting go of - I fear letting go of the advantage I have over others because I have knowledge as to what is frequency, thus desiring a superior position of knowledge, instead of allowing myself to be humble, and to learn/create/accept the new definitions together, within only one point to direct as a living principle as what is best for all, putting a side all self interest as wanting to be smart/intelligent/superior, and to focus on the only thing that matters - equality and oneness as what is best for all
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing myself within giving up a definition of myself or of something I believe to be true, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the experience that I can be lost through losing/giving up a definition, not realizing that within this I am making a statement that I am the definition, a one dimensional, static, based in the past, dead definition, and not a live, dynamic, ever changing, ever expanding, multi dimensional living being, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself to a definition within the accepted belief of myself as a definition I have created myself as
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within fear and resistance when I experience/believe I am about to lose/change my definition of myself or of something in my world, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be enslaved to the definition within allowing myself to be directed by it, in defense of it, not allowing myself to be here within/as breath, in every moment and as the change of definition come to allow myself to look at it without fear, simply to see what is here within common sense as I allow myself to be the directive principle of myself and my reality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react when being corrected / told what to do, because within my interpretation of the situation I am being defined other than how I would like to define myself as, and within that I experience inner conflict as to who I am and how I am being seen, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a limited experience of myself and within that to protect this experience of myself within reaction as blame and anger towards others/situations that challenge myself within the limited experience I have accepted as myself, instead of allowing myself to let go of the experience as the familiar definition I have of myself and allow myself to expand / grow / change, accepting any and every change as a gift and allow myself to be grateful to any and every correction, challenge as to only through these points, of what is now still experienced as inner conflict, will I ever be able to see myself and change into a living being that is self directive, self honest and within that self supportive and supportive of all as life in equality and oneness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the thought/idea of changing the definition of frequency within fear of not knowing any thing anymore, not being able to trust anything that I believe to know, within fear of not being able to trust anything that I have trusted and have defined myself as all my life, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself as life, here, stable, standing, and instead to place my trust in knowledge and thus when this knowledge is challenged I experience it as I lose the grip of myself instead of remaining standing as I am here, regardless of the knowledge and definitions we use to explain/express reality - reality, as myself, is here, it doesn't need to be defined, definition is only a practical tool for communication, it is limited within it's application, and thus is used for communication but doesn't actually define anything, it is just an idea, a concept, within this I realize that I, as life, am not a concept or idea, thus I realize that changing the definition is using the same tool in a different way, to explain and expand the understanding, in order to provide a more clear view of reality, but that is what it is, a view, and not reality itself, same as me, the definition of me can only show/explain an aspect of me, it will never actually be me, as I am not a definition, I am alive, as life
For Further Support, a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out Links:
Monday, November 12, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
Day 86 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 7 - Self Forgiveness
Day 87 - Fear Dimension - Inferiority - Part 8
I've been writing about fear, and have applied self forgiveness, but I have realized that I haven't been very specific with my self commitments, and within this I realize that writing about it and forgiving myself is one part of the process, but actually pushing myself to actually physically walk through my fear, and actually physically express myself in a different way than what I am use to within my preprogrammed characters, is another part, a crucial part, because without the living application of actually changing, I am waiting my time on verbal masturbation. I realize taking the leap and actually walking through the fear is an imperative part of this process, it's not just about talking the talk, I must push myself to walk it as a living expression as who I am.
And thus, through writing self commitments one plan the way before oneself, as a guide line, preparing oneself within accepting the challenge so to speak, to actually correct oneself in the physical.
I commit myself, when I see I have made a mistake, through being corrected, to stop any reaction within myself and to breathe, to make sure I am here, stable within/as myself, then, I commit myself to look at what is being said as a gift, as a way to expand/improve/perfect myself within my application, I commit myself to stop myself within any reaction of inferiority as I realize that any reaction implies that I am going into a character I have created myself as in self interest as a survival mechanism and thus in complete disregard of what is best for all, I realize that I have been using inferiority to protect/defend myself as the character, as the self definition I have given myself, actually protecting myself as the ego, instead of allowing myself to humbly accept what is said, and within breath allow myself to correct myself and learn from what I have done, within this, as practical application, I commit myself to ask what I can do differently, to ask for help, to ask for guidance, within accepting the fact that others can help me, that others may know more and can give me guidance, I realize this has been a "difficult" point for me due to creating an idea that asking for help represents weakness and thus I wanted asking for help to be beneath me, but I see now that any justification to not ask for assistance is a mind's manipulation, and thus invalid, as we are all here together and can help/assist/support each other, and thus I commit myself to using communication and allowing myself to be humbly and ask for help.
I commit myself to investigate the cause of the mistake, to look within self honesty and allow myself to admit/face if I have cut corners or have made the mistake deliberately in any way as for instance, when I am busy participating with back chat as justifications to cut corners, or excuses why I shouldn't do this task instead of allowing myself to be here within the task I am working on, thus, I commit myself to take responsibility for any deliberate self sabotage, to not run away from myself, but to stand as myself and accept myself as all that I have done, within realizing that it isn't personal, from the perspective that it really doesn't define me, but within that I realize that now I have an opportunity to correct myself, thus I commit myself to not judge myself because I have seen it is counterproductive and actually self abusive and self sabotaging, thus, instead of judging myself I commit myself to take responsibility within breath and humbly correct myself.
When and as I see/define myself as failing, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to go into the "I have failed/am a failure" character because I realize that by going into failure I am allowing myself to live in the past instead of being here and finding a practical livable solution/correction for the situation, and thus using failure to actually give up and fail, thus I commit myself to investigate the point within looking at my starting point to see if my starting point is valid within the principle of equality as what is best for all, or was my starting point within self interest/fear/justification, thus within investigating the starting point I take responsibility for myself, and without judging myself allow myself to become my self directive principle and change my starting point and correct myself into that which stands as best for all within equality, within this I commit myself to ask for assistance if I can't find the "problem" point or if I don't find a solution/correction for the situation, within this I commit myself let go the construct of failure and instead to see it as another step in my process of self realization, self honesty and self intimacy, of which I am walking step by step, one breath at a time
When and as I see myself wanting to be right, I stop and breathe, I realize the desire to being right is indicating that I am trying to prove myself and thus am acting within self separation as I am not accepting myself and thus believe I must prove myself within knowledge/information to validate/approve/accept myself, thus I commit myself, when I see myself go into the desire of being right or proving myself, to stop talking, to breathe and within breath to bring myself back here to my physical body, and in the moment within self honesty look at what am I doing, what I am hiding from myself, what am I actually showing myself within this "trying to be right", and within this quick investigation done with support of breath at the moment, if I see any justifications come up I just stop them and push through the desire to explain/justify and simply stay quiet and breath, and if the situation is an argument, then I humbly apologize to the other party by saying: "forgive me, I am just arguing because I want to be right, forget it, can you please explain your point again, now I'm here and am listening", thus
I commit myself to hear out the other being, within realizing that no mater what is being said I can learn from them. and within this situation of going into the character of desire to be right, I commit myself to investigate the point of self definition / comparison / competition as to find the cause/reason that I am not accepting myself within, and to forgive myself for not allowing myself to accept myself unconditionally and to judge myself for the points I have found, and thus forgive myself for I have allowed myself to live in constant competition to prove myself worthy, not realizing that I have been competing with myself within allowing the polarity of right/wrong to exist within and as myself.
Within the fear of being seen as less than, and within the back chat of seeing myself as less than in relation to tasks I am given, I commit myself to stop the judgment I hold towards specific tasks wither the nature of the task or the time it takes to do it, and within this I commit myself to push myself as self directive principle to do those tasks that I have deemed as less than, to expand myself within my application, to not limit myself within the belief that some tasks are beneath me within realizing that I am separating myself from the task as myself within participating in a mind made idea/belief/judgment and thus not valid, I've seen that when I stop the back chat and allow myself to simply do it within/as breath I find that I get comfortable with the task and 'change my mind' about it, thus I have proven to myself that the ideas/beliefs/judgments I have towards tasks don't stand once I allow myself to actually do them without back chat as judgment, I see that surprisingly I even enjoy them, so I commit myself to stop myself within breath when I see myself judging any task, and thus allow myself and push myself to do any task necessary without any limitation, by pushing myself through the back chat until I am comfortable with the task
Within the fear of being used/manipulated by others within believing the fair/unfair character, I have been existing within a debt system, as calculating what I do for them and what they do for me, and calculating what I perceive everyone is doing, thus I commit myself to do things for "free", unconditionally, and to let it go the moment I finish as to not allow myself to carry around the past with me as a charged memory as debt. Thus, I commit myself to stop myself within the expectation to get anything in return, and to find situations where I can do things for others as myself to test myself within this application as not expecting/wanting anything in return, thus creating a directive situation where I am deliberately "being used" as to walk through the fear of being used within realizing that as long as I am directing myself as the living principle there is nothing to fear within realizing no one is doing anything to me, because I am directing myself in every moment
I commit myself to push myself to do what I would do as if I didn't have issues as fear, I commit myself, when making a directive decision as to what to do, to investigate the point within considering what someone, that doesn't exist within this fear, would do, and push myself to do it, I commit myself to take on my fears and walk through them, while supporting myself with writing, self forgiveness and corrective statements, to come to a point where I am no longer directed by fears and can walk here, stable within breath, in every moment and through every situation
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Friday, November 9, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire being special, within believing that only through being special will I deserve the right for being accepted / loved / appreciated, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that one needs to do something or be someone special in order to have the right to live in dignity and honor, not realizing that within this belief I am allowing and justifying abuse through disregarding beings due to them not being special, as not good / interesting / smart enough to earn their right to live peacefully
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I must do/be something special within the starting point of survival within the belief that I need to be accepted / loved / appreciated by others to survive in this world and live a life of content, not realizing that that within the principle of equality and oneness all have the basic right to live with dignity/respect/support and it is within this belief that I allow the current system to continue as it is within creating competition as to who is most special to be granted the right for happiness, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the desire to be appreciated / loved / accepted by others is indicating to me that I am not accepting myself, and within that indicating that I am in fact living as separation from/as myself, and thus it is not about being special, to survive through the acceptance of others within separating from myself, but rather about accepting myself within self honesty to be one with myself to be then able to change myself within the principle of equality as what is best for all, to create a world that no one needs/requires to be special in any way to survive and live a dignified life, and within not having to be special within a starting point of survival to be able to actually live as self expression as our individuality and allow ourselves explore/enjoy life as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being ordinary within the idea I have attached to being ordinary as not good enough, not special, not worthy, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept the concept of equality within fear of being like every body else, not realizing that I have attached an idea I have created in my mind, trying to interpret equality through the eyes of the mind, and within that exist in fear of equality due to the fear of not being special / unique, thus I realize that any fear I hold towards equality within the fear of being ordinary is a result of my mind's interpretation within fear, not allowing myself to realize myself as life and to see the vast possibilities of self expression when one doesn't live in fear of survival within putting on personalities of specialness, which are in fact all lies, in order to get along in society, based on the starting point of not actually accepting oneself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear/resist/react to being corrected due to the fear of letting go of my personality of being special, and within that to have people see that I am not as special they might have thought I was, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other people's bubble of me burst, not seeing that I have been living a lie within letting/allowing others to see me through a veil of personalities/characters, and thus have never allowed myself to actually live as self expression as who I am, within the initial starting point of separation, thus I commit myself to walking the process of self intimacy within self honesty, to know myself and accept myself and become one and equal within/as myself, to let go the desire of being special, within creating personalities to deceive those around me, and instead to live as myself in dignity, and will/push myself to change in any point I see need direction within a starting point of being/becoming living example of equality as what is best for all, within realizing that it starts with self as self acceptance within equality and oneness within/as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to present myself as special within a self created personality, within using it as a form of manipulation to impress others and get things done my way, while at the same time believing myself to be more than others due to believing my self created specialness, and thus more deserving of having my self interest satisfied, while disregarding all around me within considering their interests as what is best for all within equality as the interest that serve and support all, as I have defined myself as special, more important and thus more deserving to have my desires met, within this
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and justify the concept of specialness, and within that positively reinforcing children through telling them they are so special, within that creating the connection between being accepted and the necessity of being special, within that creating fear of losing that specialness, thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the very construct of specialness is based in fear, and is not supportive of life one bit, within creating the desire and dependency on being seen as special, creating the expectation of being special, creating the attraction to those that we perceive are special, creating competition and much much more, all in the name of separation, of not actually knowing who we are as life, not accepting ourselves,
I commit myself to show that the teaching/programming of children of the concept of specialness is abusive and disregards all life as equals, as it creates a condition of being special as a necessity for a substantial fulfilled life, within this I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself going into the energy of desire of being special, and bring myself back here in awareness of equality as all life is here and does not need to be special, all is what it is, and any form of specialness would be a result of judgment as separation
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
This blog is a part of the "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character dimension series. Opening up within self forgiveness fear of failure
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within/as fear of failure and to within this allow myself to be directed by this fear, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and participate within the construct of failure, I forgive myself for accepting and allow define projects/activities as failure based on their outcome, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify myself with the outcome of the project/activity where I define myself as a failure due to an outcome that I have defined as a failure, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define failure as bad/negative and thus when I experience myself as failing I experience myself within a negative energy through/within defining myself as bad/wrong/stupid/a failure
I commit myself to let go the negative attachment I have towards failure, within that I commit myself to stop myself from creating a self definition of failure as self diminishment based on the outcome of a project/activity, I commit myself to apply common sense through investigating the situation in it's entirety, to come to a self directive decision, and thus through living as the directive principle to stop myself from the self diminishment/giving up within defining myself as a failure, but rather to allow myself to learn/expand from the situation/mistake and apply myself within the principle of what is best for all within equality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define failure as the 'end' as an irreversible verdict, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the construct of failure as a self manipulation tactic to give up on what I am doing and within that give up on myself, I forgive myself for not realizing that the experience of failure is created by myself as a justification to give up, instead of seeing that it is the giving up within self diminishment that has created/manifested the construct of failure that in turn supports/excuses/justifies the construct of giving up, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that a failure is an end point and thus within that I believe that it's lost, it has failed, I have failed and it's the end, thus cannot be changed, and within this I haven't allowed myself to see/realize that it is in fact up to me, up to me from perspective of taking/being the directive principle and within common sense as a self directive decision I can decide if to pursue the project/activity further or not, through looking at the practicality of the situation, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be consumed as the character of giving up within self diminishment as not believing that I am able, and thus do not have a choice to pursue/continue a project, and thus allowing myself to fail due to my own self belief of incompetency.
I commit myself to write myself to freedom, one point at a time, and forgive myself as I have allowed myself to exist as self diminishment as believing in the limitations I've created myself as within my mind, thus I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath as I see myself participating in thoughts of self diminishment as believing I am unable/not good enough, and instead to take/do the physical actions necessary to make myself able, as learning/studying/practicing the practical application in time/space in order to get me to a point of ability, thus not allowing myself to be directed by self diminishment, but to push myself through the limitations I have allowed myself to exist as, and allow myself to expand/grow/learn/apply/change myself as what is best for all, within this I realize that self diminishment is a mind created construct to keep me enslaved/trapped within the boundaries of my comfort zone, thus not allowing myself to change, thus I commit myself to push through my limitations and support myself with writing/self forgiveness as I see all the specific points I have defined myself as "I can't do it" and within breath, and through looking at the practical physical evidence support myself as life, to bring myself to a point that I am standing stable and able
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define failure as bad, as what I was taught through the schooling system, and instead to realize "failure" as a stepping stone for expansion, as through learning from mistakes I can perfect myself and my application and find more effective solutions/ways to correct/apply myself within the situation/event/project, thus I realize that the only thing in my way is me, through believing/thinking/feeling that I can't push through, through defining myself as not able, and thus accepting failure as an option, as a possibility, where as if I stop myself as the mind, as thoughts/feelings/beliefs that I am unable, there will nothing to stop me, as only I as the limitation of the mind am stopping myself and thus believing myself as a failure, thus I commit myself to write down all the points of self belief/definition of limitation, and walk them through self forgiveness, and as a practical living application, I commit myself to stop myself within breath as these thoughts/feelings/beliefs of self diminishment come up, and not allow myself to participate with them, until I am standing stable and am not directed by the mind as self limitation/diminishment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define something as a failure based on the outcome instead of investigating the starting point and within this I commit myself to aligning myself as my starting point to that which is best for all within any project/activity to then not judge the outcome but allow myself to see the "bigger picture" and thus as I include this part of evaluating/investigating the situation as an integral part of the situation I cannot define it as a failure because it is still ongoing as a learning process, within this I realize that through looking at the starting point of any activity/project I can get much more insight as to what went wrong rather then looking through a tunnel vision at the outcome alone, within this, I commit myself to allow myself to correct my starting point to be aligned with what is best for all within the understanding that only that which is best for all can actually bring a result that is not considered a failure by anyone, because it is best for all and not based on self interest to create bias of the understanding of a situation, within this I realize that failure is simply an opinion, and is not based on reality as the physical, thus
I commit myself to look at everything through the principle of equality as what is best for all, and from this lens to evaluate situations/events/projects and to conclude the most effective way to approach/continue it, not based on self interest feelings/beliefs but based on real physical reality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my self diminishment through defining a project/activity as a failure and within that to define myself as a failure due to the evidence of the project failing, within this I commit myself to let go through writing, self forgiveness and corrective statement, of all the self definition I have allowed myself to exist as because I see/realize that these self definitions are limiting me, through allowing myself to justify them by altering my perception of reality to suit my definition of self, even if is self abusive by nature, as self diminishment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the polarity of failure/success and within allowing myself to accept and participate within the failure/success polarity I have allowed myself to assess the situation and evaluate if I am to be a failure or success and within that I have allowed myself to attempt to win at any cost while disregarding those around me because I fear failing and would do anything to succeed or in other situations would simply give up due to self diminishment, thus allowing myself to bounce from one end of the polarity to the other, within this I commit myself to let go the energetic charge I hold towards failure/success and to allow myself to see the situation within the simplistically of the actual physical evidence within common sense and the principle of what is best for all
I commit myself to when I see myself turning to the experience of failure, stop and breathe, and to make a directive decision in that moment through evaluating the situation within it's physical context, and within the principle of equality as what is best for all, thus to stop any energetic reaction that may direct me and be the directive principle as creating myself as who I want to be and not how I have designed myself to be through the mind as feeding off the energy of failure/success, but to simply look at what needs to be done and walk it in breath
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Saturday, October 27, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog
Day 69 - Friendship - Part 11 – Spitefulness – Part 1
Day 70 - Spitefulness - Part 2 - Self Forgiveness
Day 71 - Spitefulness - Part 3 - Self Commitments
Day 72 – Spitefulness – Part 4 – More Characters – Self Forgiveness
Blame – Annoyance – Superiority – Inferiority - Worthlessness
I commit myself to investigate any/all spiteful thoughts I have allowed myself to participate within, and within that to investigate all points where I still fall in the pattern/addiction of spitefulness, and within that to find the actual source as driving force that I have allowed myself to be directed by, and stop myself from allowing myself to continue being directed like a puppet on strings, I commit myself to utilize breath as self support and within this to always direct myself back to the physical as what is actually here as life, and not allow myself to be distracted/tempted by the realm of the mind, as I know it's a one way road to hell in the sense of - through allowing myself to separate myself from myself as life, through allowing myself to participate within/as the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions, through not being directive principle in every moment, I have allowed myself to be nasty/spiteful/evil and thus due to actually knowing and being aware of all that I am beneath my mask and act of ignorance there builds up shame/guilt/regret for not stopping - thus within not stopping, I realize I will create my own personal hell of shame/guilt/regret, because beneath this lie, I know I am life, I know my thoughts are running around within the self interest and disregarding myself as life and all as life as equals - thus I commit myself to stop
I commit myself to show that all thoughts are evil in nature, and all thoughts are motivated by self interest, and that within allowing ourselves to participate in thoughts, within allowing ourselves to participate in the spiteful back chat of our hidden mind, we are actually creating this world as evil/abusive/spiteful, and thus we are each responsible to stop ourselves within/as our participation of/within the mind, to be able to walk the first step in bringing about a world that supports life, as well as walking the first step of birthing ourselves as beings that are worthy of life
I commit myself to investigate within myself all points of blame, because I realized that all blame is me hiding from me as not taking self responsibility for that which I am in fact responsible for, I commit myself to stopping myself within breath when I see myself going into blame and to breathe as long as it takes to stop the blame possession from taking over, I coming myself to not allow myself to go into spitefulness based in blame because I realize this is deceptive act getting me to lose track of what really matters which is my responsibility, by placing it on someone else and using that as justification to poison myself and existence as a whole with my spiteful thoughts/words/deeds, thus bringing myself to a point of evil, of acting out the very thing I blame another for, I commit myself to build myself as self integrity through stopping myself from participating in that which I blame others for, which is that which is unacceptable as it is based in abuse/evil/spitefulness
I commit myself to show that any form of blame is done within spitefulness, within placing self's responsibility on another and thus spiting self through deliberately abdicating self responsibility and hiding from self within separation through participation within the mind as thoughts such as blame, within this I commit myself to show that participating with blame is directly accepting abuse to exist within participating in the spiteful thoughts towards another within realizing that spiteful actions come from and are a direct result of spiteful thoughts and thus to ensure spitefulness/abuse stop we must stop all thoughts
I commit myself to use annoyance as a gift, as a tool for self realization and thus self support, to through annoyance see who I am allowing myself to be and what I have allowed to have directive principle over me in becoming annoyed by external trigger, and thus within realizing the points of trigger to see what I am actually showing myself within myself, and thus I commit myself to investigate all points of annoyance and atop myself within/as breath when I see myself going into annoyance as to not allow the experience of annoyance to direct me, and thus to become the directive principle of/as myself, directing myself within the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all
I commit myself to humble myself within/as breath, when I see myself going into superiority, within realizing that superiority is a survival mechanism I have accepted as myself to cover up the experience of inferiority I have allowed myself to exist as, and thus I commit myself to use points of superiority to show myself back to myself, to allow myself to see the point I believe I am better than another and within that the point I fear being less than another and to within seeing these points to forgive myself for accepting myself to exist within the specific polarity of more/less within forgiving the value system I am basing this polarity on, within realizing that any polarity is of the mind, within this I commit myself to investigate the value systems I have allowed myself to participate within and accept as valid due to realizing that all values that are enforced by society are in fact based on self interest and the deception within living as an accepted norm within competition and lacking any self honesty as self expression, and further more lacking the principle of life as equality and oneness
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself going into inferiority towards another and to investigate the point within writing myself to freedom through self forgiveness as to free myself from the perceived inferiority as I have realized it is limiting me and diminishing me and has no value within my process except keeping me enslaved to/as the mind within limitation, within this I commit myself to if/when I see myself going into spitefulness towards the being I am experiencing myself inferior to, to stop myself at the moment, to not allow myself to participate within spiteful thoughts/words/actions because I know this is self deception and creating conflict and abuse and in any way doesn't support myself nor the other as life within our process of life, I commit myself to investigate points of inferiority and to bring myself to a point of equality within myself and existence as a whole
I commit myself to stop participating within/as worthlessness, returning to the physical within/as breath, within realizing that the experience of being worthless is a back door of taking self responsibility within believing myself to be a victim of life, thus not allowing myself to direct myself as life, one and equal to/as life, thus I commit myself to show that any experience of self worthlessness is self manipulation keeping self trapped within/as the mind, a trap created by self and thus can be ended by self, within realizing that I am responsible for/as myself and thus I have the opportunity in every breath to live a life a worth through establishing myself as a being that support myself, that supports all other beings in my immediate environment, that support all life as equals - that is a life worth living, a life that holds no regret within the self trust that self is doing all within the principle of supporting life, and walking life breath by breath, and thus I commit myself to walk breath by breath, and to direct myself to support myself within self honesty, within stopping the mind/thoughts/spitefulness and returning to myself as the physical, as reality, as life
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
