Showing posts with label energetic reaction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label energetic reaction. Show all posts
Friday, July 5, 2013
I've noticed that most people that I talk to about my process go into a form of defense and I was looking at it today as it happened again - I couldn't understand why all my friends and relatives say that they respect me but then when I show them the common sense of the desteni material they don't really go and investigate or ask me for some links or how to get started, they all have created an idea about desteni through one video that they saw and didn't like, and even though I'm not as pushy as I used to be, still people are rejecting, resisting and objecting what I say - today I was talking with my aunt, now, she has always been the person in my life that was working on herself, searching for the truth of reality, questioning authority, and so on, and I'm sure that part of the reason I could hear the desteni message is due to what I've learnt from her as a role model at an earlier age - and now I feel like I want to repay the favor in a way, I know that she will benefit so much if she were to walk this process, I feel responsible to show her the way, and support her through the transition if she chooses to take it - as of yet, she is not budging.
So today, as we were walking I questioned myself and my approach and my communication in regards to the desteni point and I realized that I have not been sharing my experience, I have always only shared information, and so what happens is that we end up having an argument, like a power game in regards to the information that we are sharing, each standing by their own "side", and I mean, why should they believe what I am saying about how things are, they know things are otherwise, so it goes back and forth and has no end, because we are talking about information…..
I know this is pretty basic, and I think I've actually seen this point before, but here I am, back at square one, realizing the same point over again, and maybe now I will actually learn from myself and apply myself differently to get different results that actually serve me and those around me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel responsible towards others process from the perspective of it being my responsibility to expose them to the information so that they can make an informed decision as to walk the process to support themselves, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that my eagerness to have others join and walk the process is a projection of actually wanting myself to walk the process, as if in a way if I "get someone in" it would compensate not walking effectively myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live as an example, and within seeing the responsibility I have of sharing these tools and process of self support, and within realizing time and time again that sharing information is not the key, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take self responsibility and actually apply myself in such a way that I can stand stable and proud within myself knowing that I am practicing first and speaking later, thus sharing my experience and self realizations rather than another belief system as another religion.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that each friend / relative that have been resisting / rejecting me and the information I expose them to, has been doing me a favor from the perspective of showing me that I am talking about information rather than actually speaking and being the living word, and thus, I forgive myself for accepting ad allowing myself to react towards my friends / family in anger and frustration when I couldn't get my point across, while missing the actual point of speaking from and as myself, and thus speaking as the living word as words I have actually lived and am living, not as an ideal but as an actual way of life.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize that by speaking and sharing information I am leading us towards an argument of ego as both sides want to be right, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to share information about desteni within the starting point of wanting to be right and wanting to show them and prove to them that my way is the right way, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want them to join and participate with desteni within a self interest starting point, as I want the "points" as recognition of bringing someone in the group, as well as wanting someone from my life that is walking the process as well as if to receive by than an external approval for what I'm doing
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that even though I present myself as wanting others to join desteni and walk their process for their own benefit, I am actually doing it from a self interest starting point, and the clear indication of that is my reaction within the situation, I realize that when I am clear from this starting point and am actually sharing within a supportive starting point, I could then just share that which I can, and expect nothing as a result, and thus experience no energy - in other words, the energetic experience is showing me that I am not clear within my starting point and that I am in fact acting within hidden self interest
When and as I speak about and share my process and see myself going into an energetic experience as frustration / wanting to be right / argumentative / insisting I stop myself and breathe, I realize that I'm doing so within a starting point of self interest and am speaking for my own ego and benefit, within this I realize that I cannot support another from a self interest starting point and thus I stop and breathe, I stop the "I want to be right" desire starting point within me, and communicate about the point only from stability, again, within realizing that I am not supporting anyone by doing so from a self interest starting point
I realize that only by living as an example can I ever really support others to change themselves, and thus I realize that being a living example of the principles of equality as what is best for all, means that I must start with myself through actually supporting myself daily with the tools of writing and self forgiveness and breath, as I get to know who I am as who I have allowed myself to become and change myself as I learn to better support myself to become an effective human being in this world, thus, when and as I see myself not speaking from my personal experience but instead speaking from a starting point of knowledge as an idea / belief, I stop myself and breathe, I prefer to be silent as I work to change and perfect myself first , and only when I can share my experience in a supportive manner do I speak about it, thus, not allowing myself to just speak for the sake of speaking but to be aware of the power and influence that my words have, and use them with awareness and care.
Woke up a few days ago and found my laptop's power cord all chewed up, I've been living with my brother's 13 week old cute puppy so it wasn't a big mystery as to what happened… I got really mad and yelled at her, held her down with the broken cable in my hand showing her what she did was wrong, making sure she knew she'd been bad - but how could she have known? Did she know? All she does most of the time is chew on things - some things are her toys made for her to chew on and some are my shoes, the table, the sofa, socks, the staircase and cables, wire and cords - She is a puppy, that's what they do, they chew on things…
Looking at my reaction, It's clear that I'm more upset about the laptop's power cord being destroyed than I am when she chews on other things because of my relationship to my laptop - because I practically use it daily, so from that perspective I have to put many things on hold when I don't have access to my laptop, but I also got upset because I thought it meant that I would have to now spend time and money to replace it, and I know I can't afford not to, so I must do it now. I ended up spending a few hours going around from store to store in the are just to find out that I can't get it in the store because I have a unique power cord, and that I must get it online, which was a problem cause by now I didn't have any battery life left so my laptop was dead - but, the funny thing is, had I just bought it online instead of going all over the place and reacting for being hassled, it would have taken me 10 minutes, and it was actually very cheap - but because I reacted and made a big deal out of it, I got a big deal out of it while it wasn't really a big deal at all - if I had not reacted I would have phoned the places and have seen they don't have the proper size cord, I could have checked online to see what I am looking for and how much it costs and would have found out how cheap it was - bottom line is that my reaction took over and I couldn't from that point act practically and effectively, and so made it much harder for myself, and for the puppy, as my reaction was not pleasant for her, it was violent and abusive.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in violence and abuse towards the puppy because she had chewed on something that i perceive as valuable, I realize that nothing justifies a reaction of violence and abuse - when and as I see myself reacting in anger I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here to the physical body and breathe, I commit myself to only "educate" my dog within a starting point of stability and support and to not communicate with her from a starting point of anger as that comes out as the expression of violence and abuse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value some objects more than others as I create different relationships with my things, and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within energy when anything happens to any of the items that I value - within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the value I have placed on things is related to money and thus it is not really my relationship to the thing itself but rather my relationship to money - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my relationship towards money and within this to allow myself to react with anger as the expression of violence and abuse due to the thought of now having to spend money on buying a new cord
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in blame towards the puppy as I blame her for being the cause of me now having to go out and buy a new cord, blaming her for wasting my time and money, while I have not allowed myself to take full responsibility for the event within for instance not making sure the puppy has enough chew bones to chew on, and that I have left the cord just laying around carelessly, within this I also forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate the point of blame as a reflection of that which I judge and blame myself for as spending my own time and money recklessly, as I am not yet living every moment effectively and thus I waste my time, and I am not yet spending my money effectively and so I waste my money - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not actually make clear and direct decisions as to how to spend my time and money but instead I have allowed myself to be directed by emotions, reactions and distractions as the god of me as the deciding factor of what I spend my time and money on
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that within reacting in anger towards the puppy I am teaching her and indoctrinating her into a world of energetic communication, and so I am responsible for her learning to use and abuse energy, thus, I realize that I must prevent myself from reacting with energy towards the puppy as with children, when we react with energy they then learn to use the energy as emotional manipulation, and so I am trapping her in that form of energetic communication by being an energetic role model - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the responsibility of teaching and training another being to exist and live in this world, and thus I have a responsibility to teach and train within stability and not indoctrinate another being to depend on energy and use energy within relationships and communication.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that my reaction towards my brother's puppy is with more anger / energy than when my own puppy got in trouble, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I have been bias towards puppies and within that I will tolerate my things being chewed only if it is done by MY puppy, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a condition as if to say that only in the condition that I am your favorite human and if you show that you love me the most , then it's ok for you to chew on my things and I will still love you and not build up resentment, but, if you are not MY puppy and you love another human more then me, then it's not cool that you wreck my stuff… lol.. It's the same with parents / children
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to favorite my own child / puppy and within that to tolerate their behavior while when others will behave in the same way I will react with energy as anger, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be stable within myself and to give to all equally the same response as a response of support and consideration, within supporting them as myself to become discipline and to realize what is the most practical and effective behavior that will support all equally - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as an example of bias and inequality
Saturday, June 29, 2013
In yesterdays' blog i missed a main point - I wrote about possible starting points for asking a question with a hidden agenda, but I missed the following one, and I think it has actually been a dominant one in my experience - it's when I ask a question within the starting point of arrogance, as seeing the other from above, believing that I see something that they don't, and while it may be true I am not acting within a starting point of support but of separation and superiority
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act / believe myself to be superior to another when I see that I see something that they don't and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask questions within that starting point of arrogance and superiority instead of asking and speaking within a starting point of direct and clear communication, support and guidance.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that as I see myself in others, my reaction towards others asking me questions is in fact a fear of being treated with arrogance and superiority as I have been treating others within my mind and within my reaction in my tonality and expression.
When and as I see myself asking / speaking from a starting point of a hidden agenda, I stop and breathe, bring myself back here and direct myself to slow myself down and communicate in breath, as to be clear and direct within what I am saying, and make sure that it is not within a starting point of arrogance / superiority / spitefulness. I commit myself, when and as I see myself going into any of these starting points when speaking to others, specifically when asking questions, to stop myself immediately and breath, I commit myself to breathe in silence until I am certain I am stable and can speak again within participating with the energy of the reaction and thus, making sure I am not creating un necessary back chat in the other's mind, and make sure I am not recreating the situation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others when I see them asking me within a starting point of superiority / arrogance / spitefulness / hidden agenda, I realize that as long as I react I am showing me that I have not yet cleared myself from that point, and thus, I commit myself, instead of turning to judgment, to turn to gratefulness as I am now able to see that this point is not yet clear within me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others when I see them asking me questions from energetic starting points, I realize that as long as I react I am showing myself that their comment moved me, and thus I commit myself to investigate why is this point a trigger point for me, and within this, I commit myself to do so in gratefulness for having the opportunity to see that I am unstable in regards to the point. And I commit myself to support myself through writing the point out and applying self forgiveness in self honesty until the point is clear and understood.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to actually stop myself and breathe before I react, thus, not allowing myself to do what is actually needed, as to stop and breath and return here, in order to prevent the energetic build up from accumulating and within it creating the aggression within me that I then express within my expression and communication
I commit myself to stop my participation when I see myself asking a question within a starting point of energy, I stop and breathe, and only when stable speak again.
I commit myself, when I am asked a question and I see myself reacting to it, to the how it's being asked, to stop myself and breathe, to allow myself to hear the question and remove all energetic attachment to it, and only listen to the words spoken, in order for me to actually hear if there is anything I can learn and expand from within the question, or if the other can learn and expand within such a conversation, and so I commit myself to direct myself within the conversation within a starting point of support as what is best for all
Saturday, December 29, 2012
This is a continuation from yesterday’s blog: Day 129 – Self Judgment – Part 1
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value on my appearance and within that to define myself according to how I look, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into energetic experiences as feeling and emotions due to the self judgment of how I look whether good or bad, thus allowing my experience to be directed by how I perceive my appearance to be in each moment, whether satisfactory according to some ideal I created, or non satisfactory
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that my appearance define me and thus I allow myself to judge myself as my appearance to evaluate who I am as the self definition of me, within this diminishing myself as life and comparing myself to a one dimensional lifeless image as a picture in my mind as a list of characteristics, as a caricature that I wish to resemble
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others in regards to appearance where I judge them as more or less than me and accordingly feel good or back about myself due to have defining myself in comparison to them, within this defining both them and myself according to appearance and thus creating for myself a one dimensional representation of reality as images as lifeless caricatures, instead of realizing that all are life and as life we exist as multidimensional beings, and thus allowing myself to interact with real live beings and not exist as a one dimensional cartoon figure I have created in my mind and has not real life value
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be more conscious about my appearance when I am around people that I judge as better looking than me, within this I allow myself to go into an experience of wanting to hide myself as to not show the imperfections within the concern that others will see me and compare me, as I do, to those better looking than me and will see / judge me as less than, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear their rejection within the belief / idea that they will prefer the other being due to them being better looking, and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect appearance to acceptance and thus fear not being accepted / loved / appreciated when in my environment there are better looking people, once again, not realizing that as I fear not being accepted due to appearance I am showing myself back to myself- that in fact I have been judging people according to their appearance and accepting or rejecting them based on my visual attraction to them, I realize within this that as long as I judge others for their appearance I will exist in fear of being judged for mine, thus I realize I must be the point of change and to stop the judgment both towards myself and towards others within the realization that we are not defined by our appearance, and within stopping the judgment stopping the fear of being judged by others
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compensate my insecurities about my appearance through neglecting my self as my physical body and making it seem to myself and others that I don't care about appearances, thus creating a character within and as myself as someone who doesn't care about looking nice, when in fact I have been judging myself for my appearance because I do care, because I have given value to appearance, and thus I have allowed myself to exist as a lie within fear, within the belief that if I appear to not care about appearances no one will judge me but rather respect me for not caring, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself and others within allowing myself to exist and present myself as a character as someone that doesn't care, when in fact I do, instead of stopping the source of the lie which is the belief that appearance actually defines who I am, and within that belief justify the self judgment for not appearing as the ideal appearance, not realizing that this entire construct of self judgment is only existing through and within my participation acceptance and allowance - thus I realize it is up to me to stop - thus, I commit myself to, when and as I see myself participating in thoughts, emotions, feelings, comparisons due to appearance, I stop myself immediately within breath, and I breathe and don't allow the thoughts to take me over, I remain here and do not participate with the temptation as the habit to go into and participate with giving value to appearance, I stop and breathe until the temptation is over and I am here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent / spite beings that I have judged as better looking than me within blaming them as who they are as good looking for making me feel bad about myself, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for being good looking instead of taking self responsibility for and as myself within realizing that they are not making me feel anything, it is all self created as I have allowed myself to define myself according to appearance and thus allow myself to feel inferior / not good enough when in my environment there are beings that I have compared myself to and have defined them as better than me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself according to my appearance, within a belief that I should look in a specific way to be accepted, and thus have not allowed myself to accept myself until I look in alignment to my belief as the ideal way to look, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never question how and why I have defined the ideal beauty as I did, and within investigating the point realizing that it was never actually my choice as what I believe to be pretty as a personal preference, but it has always been an accepted beauty ideal that I have came to accept through repeated and consistent interaction with the media and society, thus "eating up" the beauty model" I have being fed, allowing myself to be programed by mass media to belief some body shape / form are more valuable than others, some hair color / eye color / nose shape / posture and so on, are better and to be more valued than others - I forgive myself for never allowing myself to actually question this ideal, and to realize how abusive it is within realizing that all have a different shape / form to their body, thus any idea of ideal is an act of exclusion, and basically simply an opinion, not valid as the reality of life, but simply as an accepted opinion, thus within seeing from my own personal experience, and from the experience of others, the destructive consequences the beauty ideal has on myself and society, I commit myself to let it go, to stop myself from participating within it as an energetic entity within myself. When and as I see myself go into any energetic reaction due to my relationship to the beauty ideal - I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here to the physical, the actual physical is all shapes and all forms in equality, and thus there cannot be a preferred shape or form to the human physical body.
To be continued
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Monday, December 24, 2012
I've been walking this process for some time now, always within a point of doubt towards the possibility and the ability to stop ones thoughts, as I experience them being so many and moving so fast it makes it almost impossible to stop them. So, instead of using the tools as writing and self forgiveness within self trust that only through self dedication will there ever be a chance to start seeing all the thoughts and bringing them to my awareness and investigating their origin point and see why am I holding on to them, as to see what is the point of self interest, and within finding the point allowing myself to let go and stop them, as I stop my participation with them, time after time after time, until their energy runs out - instead of doing this I was enslaved to the idea that it cannot be done, and I haven't even really tried.A few days ago I realized an interesting point, I was asked what were my thoughts during the day, and my initial response was to come up with two thoughts and then go into a giving up from perspective of "I can't remember all my thoughts, there are too many", but then after a few moment I looked at it again, and I suddenly realized that I've been kidding myself - I don't have a million thoughts, I have about 4-7 main thought categories and they each come up in many different expressions - when I saw this I realized how much time I have wasted due to not allowing myself to simply start my process of investigating the thoughts, because I allowed myself to be enslaved to my fears and beliefs, instead of trusting myself here, and opening up what will come up and not worry about not getting it all NOW, but just starting to walk one thought at a time, I allowed myself to be enslaved to overwhelmingness instead of directing myself to support myself.
I realize my mind is like a big recipe book, where each specific thought is like a recipe. So I have this big heavy book to go through and it seems like it will take forever, but actually the recipes are divided into categories, just as I've seen my thoughts are an expression of a few categories, and many of the recipes have the same ingredients that repeat themselves, just my thoughts are created by energetic reactions as emotions and feelings, so I must allow myself to open the book, and start investigating the recipes one category at a time, one recipe at a time, to see what ingredients create it, as to see what energetic reactions are behind the thoughts, which specific emotions and feelings are creating the thoughts, and then, through self forgiveness correcting the ingredients one by one to align myself a living expression that is best for all, an expression that will support me and manifest a healthy and effective recipe book - to come to a point that all the recipes in the book are the best possible recipes, with the best ingredients possible.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by overwhelmingness to the extent of not allowing myself to start my process of self support within self investigation in self honesty due to fear of the vastness of the mind, not realizing that the mind is limited from perspective that it feeds me the same train of thoughts over and over and from that perspective, makes it easier to deal with as there are really infinite thoughts but a hand full of categories that are based on the same energetic reactions - thus, I commit myself to start my process of self investigation, I commit myself to dedicate myself to self change within allowing myself to look at the thoughts and within self honesty see where they are coming from and what are they showing me, within allowing myself to let go the self definitions I have created about myself as self limitation, and allow myself to expand beyond what/how I've known myself to be, as self directive principle within understanding that I have been limiting, abusing and compromising myself and all life as myself through accepting and allowing myself to remain enslaved by the mind - it's time to stop - it's time to actually walk this process and clear myself from the preprograming that I have been existing as and to start living as self expression, as life.
Yesterday I was listening to an EQAFE interview and wrote down all the back chat that came up in that one hour, each thought/back chat was unique, as they didn't repeat themselves directly, but I've noticed a few main points/categories that keep coming up over and over, each time they are slightly different, what I find is that most of these points come to my awareness as back chat, as a voice in my head, then if I listen to the voice and give it my attention, I allow myself to get drawn into it, to fall into my mind and create like a movie scene in my imagination where I visualize the scenario, and completely separate myself from what is going on around me here in the physical reality, in many cases I experience it as if I fall a sleep, but I'm not falling a sleep, I am falling into my mind, as I'm allowing myself to follow the back chat into the imagination visualization, and at that point I am not here any more, I am up there in my mind, completely separated, completely lost - the categories I noticed yesterday were:
1. Responsibilities and commitments - all the list of chores haunt me at moments when I am not free to do them, thinking of excuses to why I didn't do them, judging myself for not doing them, thinking of ideas of how I will do them and when
2. Food - specifically when I'm hungry, thoughts about what will I eat, how will I prepare it
3. Appearance - judging my appearance, comparing myself to others, judging others
4. Irritation - reacting to things people say, taking things personally, perceiving others are reacting to me in irritation
5. Movies - replaying scenes from movies or TV series
6. Relationship - fantasize about relationships/sex, thinking of guys I desire, guys I was in relationship with
I commit myself to walk each category, through the practical steps of opening up in writing the specific back chat that come up, and for each back chat to identify the reaction that it holds within it, to identify what is the energy as emotion or feeling within it, to investigate what exactly did I react to, what made me react, what word or movement, something external that I took in from my environment and reacted to, and then ask myself why did I react, what memory do I hold that trigger that reaction, what past experience created this program within me.
Within this I realize that there is no point to take any of this personally as taking it personally is another mind tactic to keep me from actually investigating in self honesty, as taking it personally is within judgment and blame, and thus a barrier from actually seeing it as it is, as a program that I have allowed to run through/in me, but it is not me, it does not define me, it's not who I am, and thus identifying with it, with the back chat with the thoughts, I counter productive - a funny analogy was shared with me, and it really "hit home" - the voices in my head that I identify with, it's like walking into a dark room, and hearing someone speak and believing it is me - what is funny that if I would go into a dark room I would know that I am not the one speaking, I didn't direct myself to speak, I didn't intend myself to speak and thus I didn't speak - but in the mind I allow myself to believe it is me that is thinking all these thoughts, even though I didn't direct myself to think any one of them, I didn't intend to think them, yet I hear them in my head and believe them to be me - it's in sane…
Even as I'm writing I have thoughts as a voice in my head speaking to me - so this is where I am, completely possessed by my mind - and that's all the reason to get in gear and start walking this process because I've had it up to here, and I will not accept this anymore - it doesn't make any sense that I am being directed by a voice in my head, instead of being here as self, as breath, and actually directing myself as the living being that I know I am if I only allow myself to be.
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Tuesday, November 13, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
Day 86 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 7 - Self Forgiveness
Day 87 - Fear Dimension - Inferiority - Part 8
Day 88 - Fear dimension - Part 9 - self commitment
Day 89 - Fear dimension - Authority - Part 10
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and being directed by the fear of authority, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as the fear of authority through holding on to a past memory (as mentioned in the previous blog) and using it within interpretation to define myself as someone that fears authority, from here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prove my self-definition to be right, through participating with this character of fear I have created as myself, and thus participate with fear of authority within believing the fear to be real
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being yelled at or being punished by an authority, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in a position where someone has authority over me and accepting them as an authority, I fear them having power over me and thus can tell me what to do or punish me, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that it's not the actuality/physicality of being yelled at of being told what to do that I fear, but rather the energetic experience that I connect to it, not realizing that this energetic experience is my own mind made creation and thus my responsibility to stop, regardless of if I am being yelled at / punished / told what to do, because I realize that this fear isn't about an actual physical abuse but rather within a power game as feeling inferior as a slave, as submitted to the authority of the master, thus I realize that as long as I participate with and accept the construct of authority, I am responsible for experiencing myself as less than, and thus, the only thing that must change within this is me and within that what I accept and allow, thus I commit myself to stop participation within/as the construct of authority, when and as I see myself accepting someone as having authority over me, I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here, within facing the fear and realizing the lie of it, thus I breathe and communicate/participate within the situation within stability, pushing through the fear until I have proven to myself that I am the self directive principle and not the fear
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question authority, but to take it for granted as part of the system, as accepting the fact/situation where some people have power over others and within their authority can harm/abuse/suppress/punish as they see fit within the acceptance of society/system, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as the construct of authority as I have given my power away to authority as I have allowed them to have power over me within my experience of/as myself, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand within/as equality, within realizing all are equal regardless of what role we play in society, and within this I have allowed myself to experience inferiority and as a result fear when confronted with an authority, merely because they were seen and accepted by me as an authority
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of standing up to my teacher with tears in my eyes, within an energetic experience, as I interpret the memory within self diminishment as a point of weakness and thus have created a self definition for/as myself based on this memory of being weak in the face of authority, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see within this remembrance of the situation that there was also a point of standing up, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the memory within self interest of/as the mind, as manipulating the information into creating another layer/dimension of fear within me as a mind tactic to keep me enslaved. I have come to realize that any point of self diminishment as self belief as limitation/inferiority/fear is a mind created character keeping me from realizing myself as life, within the fight for survival of my ego as the characters I have spent my entire life to create and uphold, thus now, within realizing that all the personalities and characters I have believed to have defined me, have been and are all lie, I commit myself to stop myself from participating within/as them, and within this I commit myself to investigate all points/dimensions of fear that still exist within me, and to one by one, walk through them, through seeing the points of acceptance within writing, self forgiveness and through corrective statement to prepare myself for correction in physical application
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the authority construct within and as myself and within the world system, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the construct is real and valid and thus participate within it as allowing myself to respect/fear authority and on the other hand to accept myself as authority on others, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in power games, as proving to myself my self-value through competition, instead of letting go the authority construct and thus letting go the competition and simply allowing myself to be here as equals within self support and the support of others as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the pattern of fear of authority, and within that to, instead of allowing myself to express myself freely with all equally, to fear expressing myself in front of authority, and thus to accumulate reaction/back chat up to the point of compounded anger where I "explode" with emotions and lose control, and thus experience myself as weak in the eyes of the authority, not realizing that I have created this point of weakness through not standing within/as breath and expressing myself as equals, thus I see that within accepting authority I already accept myself as inferior and thus exist in fear and manifest the situation from the starting point of fear
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as weak for not holding back the tears within the memory, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to due to my acceptance of the memory as valid I have believed I am weak in face of authority and thus have allowed myself to be directed by this fear and stop myself from approaching/talking to people I consider are an authority, thus not seeing them as equal within seeing myself as inferior to them, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the desire I have to feel powerful in front of authority is still within the limitation of the definition and acceptance of authority, and thus still within the polarity, the power game, and thus the energy. I commit myself to when I see myself defining someone as an authority I stop myself within breath, I realize that they are a human being, that eats and shits like me, and thus is equal me in all ways, I realize that as long as I am holding back and not expressing myself I am accepting their authority and thus creating myself as weak/inferior, I commit myself to approach / speak / ask the one I perceive to be an authority as I support myself within breath, to push through this self created fear and allow myself to express myself without limitation, within common sense, within realizing that in the system, as long as others accept the authority, as police for instance, I must play the game, but the point being to stop participation within the energy that I have attached to it, within realizing it's an act we are playing until we change the system into a system that supports equality, and end the era of authority/suppression/intimidation within the power games accepted within the construct of authority
I commit myself to show that the construct of authority is abusive by nature as it allow some to have power and control over others, within society at large and the family construct at small, I commit myself to show that effective communication within self honesty doesn't require authority to keep order, and that through educating ourselves of the actual reality we exist as within understanding the responsibilities of taking care of this earth/nature to create a world that is enjoyable for all and not just for the 1%, we don't have to have authority because we can each be an authority onto ourselves within self honesty as we realize what needs to be done, we take self responsibility and all as equals, work together to clean up the mess that we created, and together create heaven on hearth where all are equal and communicate within a starting point of support and not of power and control
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