Friday, July 5, 2013

Day 209 - Speaking the information instead of living as example

I've noticed that most people that I talk to about my process go into a form of defense and I was looking at it today as it happened again - I couldn't understand why all my friends and relatives say that they respect me but then when I show them the common sense of the desteni material they don't really go and investigate or ask me for some links or how to get started, they all have created an idea about desteni through one video that they saw and didn't like, and even though I'm not as pushy as I used to be, still people are rejecting, resisting and objecting what I say - today I was talking with my aunt, now, she has always been the person in my life that was working on herself, searching for the truth of reality, questioning authority, and so on, and I'm sure that part of the reason I could hear the desteni message is due to what I've learnt from her as a role model at an earlier age - and now I feel like I want to repay the favor in a way, I know that she will benefit so much if she were to walk this process, I feel responsible to show her the way, and support her through the transition if she chooses to take it - as of yet, she is not budging.


So today, as we were walking I questioned myself and my approach and my communication in regards to the desteni point and I realized that I have not been sharing my experience, I have always only shared information, and so what happens is that we end up having an argument, like a power game in regards to the information that we are sharing, each standing by their own "side", and I mean, why should they believe what I am saying about how things are, they know things are otherwise, so it goes back and forth and has no end, because we are talking about information…..


I know this is pretty basic, and I think I've actually seen this point before, but here I am, back at square one, realizing the same point over again, and maybe now I will actually learn from myself and apply myself differently to get different results that actually serve me and those around me.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel responsible towards others process from the perspective of it being my responsibility to expose them to the information so that they can make an informed decision as to walk the process to support themselves, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that my eagerness to have others join and walk the process is a projection of actually wanting myself to walk the process, as if in a way if I "get someone in" it would compensate not walking effectively myself


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live as an example, and within seeing the responsibility I have of sharing these tools and process of self support, and within realizing time and time again that sharing information is not the key, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take self responsibility and actually apply myself in such a way that I can stand stable and proud within myself knowing that I am practicing first and speaking later, thus sharing my experience and self realizations rather than another belief system as another religion.


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that each friend / relative that have been resisting / rejecting me and the information I expose them to, has been doing me a favor from the perspective of showing me that I am talking about information rather than actually speaking and being the living word, and thus, I forgive myself for accepting ad allowing myself to react towards my friends / family in anger and frustration when I couldn't get my point across, while missing the actual point of speaking from and as myself, and thus speaking as the living word as words I have actually lived and am living, not as an ideal but as an actual way of life.


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize that by speaking and sharing information I am leading us towards an argument of ego as both sides want to be right, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to share information about desteni within the starting point of wanting to be right and wanting to show them and prove to them that my way is the right way, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want them to join and participate with desteni within a self interest starting point, as I want the "points" as recognition of bringing someone in the group, as well as wanting someone from my life that is walking the process as well as if to receive by than an external approval for what I'm doing


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that even though I present myself as wanting others to join desteni and walk their process for their own benefit, I am actually doing it from a self interest starting point, and the clear indication of that is my reaction within the situation, I realize that when I am clear from this starting point and am actually sharing within a supportive starting point, I could then just share that which I can, and expect nothing as a result, and thus experience no energy - in other words, the energetic experience is showing me that I am not clear within my starting point and that I am in fact acting within hidden self interest


When and as I speak about and share my process and see myself going into an energetic experience as frustration / wanting to be right / argumentative / insisting I stop myself and breathe, I realize that I'm doing so within a starting point of self interest and am speaking for my own ego and benefit, within this I realize that I cannot support another from a self interest starting point and thus I stop and breathe, I stop the "I want to be right" desire starting point within me, and communicate about the point only from stability, again, within realizing that I am not supporting anyone by doing so from a self interest starting point


I realize that only by living as an example can I ever really support others to change themselves, and thus I realize that being a living example of the principles of equality as what is best for all, means that I must start with myself through actually supporting myself daily with the tools of writing and self forgiveness and breath, as I get to know who I am as who I have allowed myself to become and change myself as I learn to better support myself to become an effective human being in this world, thus, when and as I see myself not speaking from my personal experience but instead speaking from a starting point of knowledge as an idea / belief, I stop myself and breathe, I prefer to be silent as I work to change and perfect myself first , and only when I can share my experience in a supportive manner do I speak about it, thus, not allowing myself to just speak for the sake of speaking but to be aware of the power and influence that my words have, and use them with awareness and care.


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