Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Friday, January 11, 2013
Today is my birthday.
When I was growing up my birthday was a big event, I would celebrate for a few days, going out with friends, having dinners with family, receiving gifts and attention, having everybody do what I want because it's my birthday - I loved it - well, I loved it but there was always stress related to it - I remember on the day of my birthday I would always have something to cry about, it became a joke that I should celebrate the day before or after because on my actual birthday I would be crying for some reason. Birthday's have been a big thing in my family and a big thing amongst my friends, so the stress was a mixture of expectation as wondering if my friends will prove their love to me on my birthday, and of anxiety as I didn't like big events where I am in the center of attention in the spot light, I prefer being a guest that steels the stage, and not the guest of honor that is expected to be on the stage.
I realize now that the more build up I had created towards my birthday and the bigger the excitement and expectation, the bigger the fall was, not because my friends/family didn’t live up to my expectations, they always did, and even went over board with throwing me surprise parties and extra attention, but the fall came from a point of balancing the energy, as I have been on an energetic high in excitement and expectation, and the higher the high the lower the low to balance it out, as the mind exist within the polarity of high and low energies.
In the past 5 years I realized that birthdays are actually an odd celebration, because it's really just another day, a day that according to a specific calendar represents the day I was born in, but so what? Why are we making this day into something special? How is the fact that I was born so and so years ago on this day, according to a specific calendar, have anything to do with today, with what is going on here in the moment? Why are we allowing this costume of celebrating birthdays to exist when we see all the anxiety people experience around it? Why do we allow this construct of expectation to exist in regards to a day? How have we all been duped into believing there is something special about this day?
So in the past few years I became more cynical about my birthday, believing I have transcended the need to celebrate it, and within that feeling myself as superior to have released myself from the chains that society had tied on me to begin with, I felt superior because most everybody around me was still participating within / as the birthday scam, still believing birthdays are worth celebrating and I experienced myself as beyond it. I was arrogant about it, making jokes to my friends about how this day is non sense.
Today I was faced with the deception of my arrogance. Here on the farm not many people know it's my birthday, so there is no point expecting anything, and in general, since I've been here, I see that birthdays are very low key, almost ignored completely compared to what I was used to. Here, in this environment it's clear, that everything within me in relation to my birthday is my own creation, and not a reaction/response/result to my friends'/family's relationship to birthdays as I have justified to myself back home - since no one here is making a big deal out of it, yet I am having a "birthday experience" - not because those around me are giving it value, but because I am.
What I see is that I am far from being over birthdays - I see is that I desire the attention, I want people to know it's my birthday, I want them to do something about it, I want them to show me how much they care about me through baking me a cake, or making some gesture that I am important to them, I want this day to mean something, I guess I want to prove to myself that I am meaningful / important / special through having people celebrate this day in my honor - back home I got lots of it, so it was easy for me to believe that I was over it, it was easy for me to take it for granted and push it away within believing that I am above it - but here the truth of me is in my face, because I see that I am not over it, I still do want to be fulfilled by others attention to me, and what better day to let this construct shine than a birthday.
Ok, so I see I am still trapped in the construct of birthdays, just as an example - I checked my Facebook page on the hour to see who had sent me a "happy birthday" - of course I was disappointed that not as many people as I expected, or that they didn't say anything personal, or that people that I don't even know greeted me, but many of the ones I do know and wanted to get their attention, didn't… I baked a cake today to have that familiar sense of a birthday as it has always been related to sweets - I am not over birthdays, though I have been sitting on a high chair of arrogance presenting myself as if I am over it, looking down at the common people for still being trapped in the illusion, in the brainwashing, in the social constructs and norms - when in fact I was there with them all, looking down at myself, judging myself for still caring instead of investigating the point in self honesty, and within self honesty correcting myself and my relationship to this day, to make it into a day of support instead of a day of energetic experiences and consumerism. I realize that it's not about birthdays being good or bad, it's about what I make of them, my relationship to them, and of course who I am within them.
What are birthdays actually about in our society? Obviously they are not actually about celebrating one's birth, it is not a celebration of life, but more like a reason for socially accepted self interest, a reason for shopping, emotional manipulation, testing friends, ranking your value, a reason for ignoring everything and everyone and being allowed to only care about yourself and have everybody around you pamper you and do what you want within honoring the birthday code and within the expectation that you will do the same on their birthday.
"Happy birthday" could be a cool statement if it would actually be about the gratefulness of being alive, being happy to have been birthed into this physical reality to be able to be here in breath and alive, and then celebrating ones birthday would actually be honoring life, but it isn't about honoring ourselves as life, and it isn’t about honoring life in general - it's about having an excuse to celebrate, to go out and drink, to purchase gifts as more cloths or gadgets for those of us that have more than enough, and thus, it has become a day of consumerism, where in the current system, consumerism is related to the pursue of happiness idea where we believe that anything that we can afford to buy we deserve, and what we can't afford we desire.
We wish our loved ones a happy birthday, but wouldn't that mean that we require a special day to be happy, doesn't that imply that our days are not happy, that we do not live in fulfillment and thus require this special day to take the time for ourselves and give ourselves a moment to be happy - why can't we be happy everyday? Why do we accept a world where suffering and struggle is the standard, and happiness is a special occasion? And within this we use our birthdays not as a day to remind ourselves that we are alive and are responsible for everything that is here in our reality, not as a day of self direction in walking our process of becoming the life that we are, the life we have been ignoring, and start willing ourselves to become the living expression of life, to be the living expression of what is best for all life, but instead we use this day to ignore ourselves as life that much more within the self interest of the pursue of happiness, we use it to indulge in the positive energetic feelings of being on top of the world, we use it to turn a blind eye to all the atrocities, all the abuse, suffering and pain that is constantly going on in every moment, including on our special day - we ignore it every day, but on our birthday we can ignore life without guilt, because it is socially accepted and expected of us.
Birthday can be a day of self reflection, a day of reevaluating oneself to take a moment to see if we are who we want to be, if we are a living expression that we can stand by in honor and self respect, if we are actually living up to the standard of life, not as the standard of life sold to us by the media as having a better car / house / gadgets / cloths, but actually living as the standard of life, where the standard of life is equality, balance, breath, living in harmony as one organism. Then birthday would not be about having a happy birthday but would be about creating a world where all are able within their basic living circumstances to have happy days, everyday, uor birthday can be the day we commit ourselves to make a change, a change in ourselves to become one and equal to and as life, and a change in our physical reality to support all as self, as life.
Birthday - symbolizes the day of birth, thus life, and a new beginning as a chance to start a new, fresh.
Be earth day - becoming one with the earth as we are all made of the same dust of the earth, be earth day is a day to walk another step towards becoming one with the physical, as all that is here.
Our birthday is a day to birth ourselves as the earth, as life, as the physical, to commit to ourselves as life to walk this process of becoming life, within realizing that until now we have always existed in contradiction of life, as we have existed in self interest and not in the interest of all life as one, where the construct of birthdays in our society are a clear example of how we have been allowing ourselves to exist.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blindly follow the birthday construct as a day that I deserve to have whatever I want, as a day that makes me special, as a day that I am allowed to ignore everything around me and expect to receive all that I desire, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the abusive nature of birthdays as I've known them, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in emotional manipulation in the excuse that it's my birthday, within this I commit myself to changing my starting point towards birthday, to change my relationship towards birthday, I commit myself to let go of the emotional attachment I have had towards my birthday, I commit myself to stop the emotional manipulation I have allowed myself to participate within, on my birthday, I commit myself to open this construct up and forgive myself as who I have allowed myself to be in ignorance as ignoring what is here as life.
i commit myself to use my birthday as a platform of self support, to investigate and see where i am still attached to the social constructs that do not serve me as life, as they do not serve all equally, and to change myself and correct myself accordingly.
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Wednesday, November 28, 2012
For profound insight and further context as to what I will be writing about in this post, please consider gifting yourself with the awesome interview series - Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
A life chamber is that which contains life, that in which life exists within.
The physical, as earth, is the chamber of all life, just as each and every one of our physical bodies is a chamber of life, just as each one of us was conceived and developed in the womb of our mother as a life chamber, protecting us as life from all harm, supporting us, nurturing us, developing us.
We begin our life in a life chamber, as the womb of our mother, while our mother is existing within her life chamber as her physical body, within the physical reality as a life chamber, in which all life exist within.
Unfortunately, we as humanity, have got it all wrong, we are obsessed with our mind, possessed within it's illusions of separation, and completely neglect the physical reality, the physical which is our home - the physical is our home in a profound meaning, as it is who we are as life, as we are all made from the dust of the earth, equal and one with all that exist as the physical reality - yet, it seams that we, as humanity, have made it our life goal to destroy our home, to destroy the physical, to disregard and abuse earth, nature, animals, plants and our physical body as ourselves.
Now, back to the chamber of life, one must ask oneself who is responsible for whom - is the chamber responsible for the life within it, or is life responsible for the chamber, or consider the possibility that it is a mutual agreement between equals, where both the chamber and life itself are responsible of each other as one and equal, within the principle of equality - I would say an agreement between the chamber and the life within it makes the most sense, supporting each other as themselves as they realize they are actually one and equal. As this is the case, it seams to me like, we, as humanity have not been keeping our end of the agreement to support and respect the chamber of life in which we exist within, as our physical bodies, as earth and existence as a whole. It seams to me that we exist within an agreement, an agreement that we have failed and betrayed, and the proof is evident as we can see the consequences all around us, as the abuse, suffering and basic evil that is revealed within every thing us humans touch or come near to.
Lets have a look at a mother as she represents the source of all humanity, the origin from which each and every one of as came from, as we explore the different life chambers in a mother's life - there is the "womb chamber" as the mother's womb, in which her child, as the next generation of life, grows, develops and prepares to being birthed as a living being in the physical reality. There is the "physical body chamber" in which the mother herself, as a living being, exists within, as her physical body , and there is the "existence chamber" in which all humanity exist within, where the mother, as a part of humanity, as an organ in the organism of humanity, exists within the "existence chamber" as the physical reality, as earth, nature, sun, rain - all are part of the chamber of life in which humanity, and all living beings, exist within. So the womb chamber is within the physical body chamber which is within the existence chamber, and thus all three are connecter, intertwined with one another and influence each other - further more, we will see that all relationships between the chambers and the life within it, in all dimension, are one and equal, so that the same relationship we see between humanity and the physical existence, we will see between the individual human and their physical body, and that will indicate the relationship within the womb, as a one and equal expression of what we accept and allow within ourselves and within our world, as above so below, as within so without - all levels, all dimensions, all relationships are showing us the same thing - who we are as what we accept and allow within ourselves and the world as a whole.
The life chamber could be one of support and it could also be one of abuse just as a chamber of a prison cell. we, as human beings, have created this world as a chamber of abuse through failing our agreement with it, instead of having created it into a chamber of support, a heaven on earth, that all life live as one, in fulfillment, joy, and security, through our directive principle of taking self responsibility within the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all. But again, as we can see - as within so without - we have been abusing our bodies and thus created our bodies as chamber of abuse, as it reflects ourselves back to us with disease and pain. within common sense, it’s clear to see that as a result of all physical bodies being abused, our mothers womb would have always represented such abuse, and thus, has never been a chamber of support and growth, but as a platform of preparation to bring the next generation of life into to a world of abuse.
As long as we don't find it within ourselves to respect ourselves as our physical body, to support and respect earth within the physical existence as a whole, as long as we don't learn to take care of our home as the chamber of life, how will we ever be able to create a chamber, in all dimensions, that will be supportive for our children , as the new life that come into this world, innocent and naive, only to find a world of horror, abuse and suffering. If a mother, as a representative of humanity, as the core of humanity, doesn't care for herself, doesn't respect her body or the physical as a whole, how will she provide an effective and supportive womb chamber for her child to develop in? how will she then educate her child to care for and to support life?
The horses, in their interview show and explain how they live as one with the physical, how they experience pregnancy, how they experience the physical as one and equal - we have much to learn from them - We must stand up and change ourselves in all dimension, from the way we treat physicality as the earth and nature , to how we treat our bodies, to how we treat ourselves, to how we treat each other, and then, how we prepare ourselves to create and bring about a living being, a new life, that will be supported from their first breath until their last.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, as part of humanity, to abuse the physical reality, as earth, nature, plants, animals and all living beings, instead of honoring the agreement between all that is here as supporting each other as life, as one and equal, through considering and caring for all life in every breath I take
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that I am destroying the home in which I exist in, as the life chamber, as the physical reality, and thus, not realizing that by destroying it I am actually destroying myself and all life as one
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to honor all that is here as life, as the physical reality, and within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to honor myself as life as the physical body, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that through living as self expression of honoring life, I would prepare the world and myself for the next generation of life, for them to be welcomed as we allow them the basic living right as being born into a world of honor and support, a world where every living being is supported, honored and respected from birth till death
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as a woman I have a responsibility to support myself as my physical body within supporting myself as the physical reality as the chamber of life, to through correcting the relationship I have towards myself as the physical, to prepare myself to support the next generation of life, as through supporting and respecting myself as my physical body will I be able to support a living being growing within me, within the womb chamber I have prepared for them, and thus to support the next generation of life through all the steps of their development, from conception, till birth, through their first breath and until their last
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand the vast consequences of not caring and considering all life within/as the physical reality, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that as within so without, thus not honoring the physical is a mirror of not honoring self as life, and thus a predetermined condition of not honoring the next generation of life, as our children, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that we, as humanity, are creating new life everyday, through baring children, even though we can't take care of them nor support them, because we have never cared for anything that is a live, thus, I realize that we must change, we must learn to respect all that is here, we must learn to respect ourselves as life, we must stop the abuse we have been participation within and accepting as a "part of life", and only through changing ourselves, will be able to bring forward new life and trust ourselves that it won't be abused and neglected, but will be taken care of and supported as it learns to take care and support all that is here and live in honor of the agreement that we have broken, thus correcting the sins of the fathers (and mothers). Within this i realize that for our children to mend the mistakes we have accepted and created, we must prepare them, we must thus, prepare and change ourselves, or else the abuse will keep existing into infinity, until humanity would completely destroy every living thing, including itself
I commit myself to continue walking the desteni process of self change through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements as a process of self investigation within self honesty, until I trust myself completely that I have freed myself form the enslavement of the mind and am no longer existing from a starting point of self interest, but from a starting point that is best for all, where within each breath I take, I support, care for and honor myself as life, and all life as one and equal.
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