Showing posts with label self love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self love. Show all posts
Saturday, March 16, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blog:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
A must hear:
Where does Self-Judgment come from – from the World around us, or from our own Imaginations?
Has your Self Image negatively influenced your life? Here we discuss How Self Judgment takes over every aspect of your Life, Thoughts and experiences.
Why would we say things to ourselves that we would never dare to say to another?
Why do we feel like we deserve to be punished through our own self judgment and how does the media contribute to this feeling?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within an idea that I am not capable and believe this idea to be the truth of me, instead of realizing that I am using this idea as an excuse to get out of my responsibilities, and thus, I prefer to see myself as inadequate, as powerless, rather than admitting that I am deliberately not taking the responsibility that is mine to take, within living and existing within / as self interest as only doing that which I please at the moment and not considering anything and anyone beyond the reach of my momentary satisfaction / enjoyment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prefer seeing myself as inadequate rather than admitting that I just don't care - don't care enough about myself to push myself, to motivate myself, and to direct myself to be all that I can be, so instead I have created myself within the belief that I simply cannot, that I am not good enough, that I cannot expand, learn and prefect myself, that I cannot free myself from the limitations of the mind - as I'd rather believe I cannot than admit that I simply won't - and thus, in time I have forgotten this self manipulation and actually believe that I cannot, and from this point on I can pretend that I care, that I want to change, that I want to expand and free myself from the mind's limitations, that I want to direct myself in self honesty as what is best for all in equality and oneness - but I simply cannot - thus, completing the enslavement, the entrapment of the mind - giving in to this endless spiral of accepted limitation, instead of standing up within this realization and not allowing this to go on, within seeing and realizing the self abuse that I am inflicting upon myself, and the deliberate disregard of what is going on within me and around me to continue within this self created game - just to get out of pushing, putting in the effort, working hard towards actually changing myself and living as an example of that which I want to believe that I care about.
I realize that believing that I care for equality and oneness as what is best for all is empty words, is a lie each time it is spoken, as long as I don't back it up with physical actions, with actual physical doing - thus, I realize that as long as I don't stop myself from participating in this pattern of self defeat, as long as I continue entertaining my mind within believing myself to be inadequate, as long as I don't push myself with all the force I have within me, to change, to walk, to write, to live, I cannot speak of what is best for all in equality and oneness, as I am not even living it as myself, I am not even pushing nor trying to live it as myself - thus, existing within inner conflict as the manifestation of separation, the opposite of that which I claim I am walking towards as equality and oneness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as this inner conflict where on the one hand I see the common sense in walking the principle of equality and oneness, I see the common sense in creating a system that is best for all, I see how I have been enslaved to the mind in limitation and fear, I see all this and want to put an end to it, and on the other hand, instead of standing up within myself, and pushing myself in the physical reality to actually get myself sorted out, I simply don't, I don't within the justification as a belief that I am inadequate, a belief of self doubt, of fear, while all these accepted beliefs are actually hiding my reluctance of getting my hands dirty, of doing some hard physical labor, as writing, as facing myself, as walking through the resistance breath by breath in seeing all that I have become, as doing what needs to be done to change myself, to correct myself, to move myself to become that which I want to become, and thus I hide from myself the actuality of myself as not caring enough about myself to actually push myself to do that which is in self honesty, in my best interest to do, and instead I do that which is actually self harming and abusive as allowing myself to diminish myself in self deception, as I exist in the belief of inadequacy while seeing my goals of bettering myself fade away.
I realize that only I can make the decision to change myself
I realize that only I can push myself to change myself
I realize that only I can change myself
I realize that once I allow myself to participate in my mind as thoughts / back chat it is already "too late" as I am already in the process of giving up, and thus, I realize that I must stop myself before it's "too late"
Within this, I realize that every moment is a new moment and thus, even though I have allowed it to be "too late" many times before, in each new moment I have the opportunity to stop myself and support myself in writing, self forgiveness, as practical application, every moment I can make the decision to stop participating in the deceptive self belief that I cannot, within realizing that in order to care about myself I must act in correlation of self care - "fake it until you make it" sort of thing, because I know within myself that I do care about myself yet I have programmed myself in such separation that I have lost contact with this self care, self love, self nurturing, self acceptance, and thus, I realize that as part of changing myself in the physical reality, I must ask myself "what would I do in this moment to support myself in practice of self care?" and to act on the self honest answer that I find within myself
I realize at first it will seem like I'm not aligned with myself, but it's true, I am not aligned with myself, how can I be if I have been abusing myself in self judgment and self belittlement for years
When and as I see myself drifting in thoughts of resistance, I stop myself and breathe, I realize I am standing at a point of decision and I ask myself what would I do if I were to care for myself enough to support myself, in order to give myself direction - and I follow my own direction.
When and as I see myself deliberately sabotaging myself as not doing that which would be most beneficial and supportive for me to do, I stop myself and breathe, I remind myself that I am here, I am my only existence, and if I don't care for myself and won't support myself no one will, I remind myself that all the love that I seek, and all the approval that I look for in others exist within myself if I only allow myself to give myself self care, self love, if I only allow myself to support myself.
I commit myself to be gentle with myself, to nurture myself into health so to speak, as up until now I have not been self supportive, I have been neglecting myself, I have been abusing myself - I commit myself to establish self care through writing and exposing myself to myself, as to, within and through the guilt and shame of not caring for myself, find my way back to myself as self care, self support and self love.
I commit myself, within realizing that equality and oneness must start with self first, that as long as I am not one and equal within and as myself, whereas self sabotage / abuse stems from separation and exists as inequality - I cannot expect to see equality and oneness anywhere externally - and thus I realize that I must live as an example that equality and oneness as what is best for all life is possible, because only through living the principle for and as myself can I be truly confidant that this change is possible, and as long as I don't live it as myself it exist only as an idea / belief, thus, to make it a reality, to birth life into equality and oneness I must live it as myself - this is my responsibility.
when and as i see myself going into the energetic experience of wanting to quite / give up within an experience of overwhelmingness where thoughts of inadequacy come up, i stop myself and breathe and direct myself to write at least one statement of self forgiveness as to support myself to get out of the funk, to return to myself here as the physical in writing, and to from there push myself to stand, to do something that is of self support, whether physical movement such as stretches, or writing, or simply sitting down and doing that which i have been avoiding – either way – whenever i see myself going into the state of resistance as self doubt / diminishment – i commit myself to do within breath, at least one physical action of self support and from there to push myself further, one breath at a time
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
this is continuing my previous blogs
Day 143 – Inadequacy
Day 144 - Inadequacy - a child gymnast
Day 145 - Inadequacy - Child's Play
Day 147 - Inadequacy - forgiving childhood play time
Day 148 - Inadequacy - Reading difficulties
Day 149 - Inadequacy – Self Created Reading Difficulties
Day 150 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food
Yesterday I wrote a blog about my cooking day, which I spent most of it in my mind in worry and stress, today I will dive into the specifics to support myself in seeing the actual minute points I had participated in, to make sure I can stand in breath next time I face such points - i start with the section of the day that i was preparing wraps
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to buy the flour within a starting point of wanting the flour to be more special than just regular whole wheat flour, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to buy something without doing the research as to be sure I know what it is that I'm buying, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to purchase a product within the starting point of an energetic experience as the desire / excitement of it being special, within this I realize when I approach anything within energy I am paving the way towards consequences, as I have created an energetic attachment towards the product and thus experience myself as if I have something to lose if / when it turns out to be not to my satisfaction, as a pose to purchasing a product within the clear starting point of practicality and thus not opening the door to unnecessary attachment and energy within finding out that the product is not exactly what I had wanted / expected it to be
When and as I purchase any product I make sure to investigate it as to know practically what it is that I am buying, within this I realize that any purchase done within energy, as excitement or desire to be special, is unnecessary and done as self sabotage as it prepares the way towards stress / expectation / disappointment, within this, when and as I see myself making a purchase within energy, I stop myself and breathe, I consider the practical points and make an informed decision within breath as stability and not allowing myself to be directed by energy as excitement and / or desire to be special, thus, I commit myself to consider the practicality of the product, the price, the quality, and not feed in to any desire that might come up within it - when and as I see a desire / excitement come up, I stop myself and breathe, I let go the energetic attachment towards the product and see it as it as within it's simple practicality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, when making the wraps, within discovering that the flour is not what I thought it was and is not as suitable for wraps, to go into an experience of self bullying as was giving myself a hard time for making a mistake and buying the unsuitable flour, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hard on myself as a form of self punishment, instead of simply learning from it as to make sure that next time I don't buy something just because it seams more special, but rather do the research and buy something that is suitable for the meal
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, within making wraps, to go into worst case scenario, as projecting / imagining that the wraps will be a flop because of the wrong flour that I got, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within this experience of anticipating the worst case scenario instead of simply being here in breath and doing what I can do in the moment, here, with what I have, within committing myself to learn for the next time how to improve, correct and prefect myself whether or not my expectations were met or not, regardless of the outcome I can always investigate myself within the point and learn from it - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a state of expecting the worst instead of walking breath by breath in self trust and facing whatever comes along when it actually comes, I realize future projections and expecting the worst are unnecessary, as I realize that by expecting the worst I am allowing myself to exist in an energetic experience that possesses me as it compounds more and more as long as I participate with it, and then whatever the outcome may be I am depleted and exhausted due to have given myself away to the energy of the mind and thus I feel like crap, instead of remaining stable in breath and facing what comes, when it comes, in self trust, self directiveness and stability within breath.
When and as I realize I have made a mistake, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to go into projections of worst case scenarios, I do not allow myself to blame myself as a form of self punishment as I'm giving myself a hard time for making a mistake, instead I work with what is here and make the best for it within committing myself to learning from my mistake for the next time
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stress out because I have given value to the meal I was preparing as I was making it within the energetic desire of wanting to please everyone, I wanted them to enjoy the meal, I wanted to get a "tap on my back" as everyone enjoys what I had made for them, and thus, within this desire I have allowed myself to stress about the meal within fear as "what if something goes wrong" instead of allowing myself to enjoy myself within the process as I prepare the meal and simple walk breath by breath, no energetic expectation / desires, as I realize these desires all present themselves as "I'm a good and caring person" but in fact they are all self interest from the perspective of the desire to please and being seen as good and receiving positive reinforcement, thus, when and as I'm preparing a big meal and see myself going into energy as desire to please and expectations of myself to serve a high standard, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here, I commit myself to simply make the food, breath by breath, to the best of my ability within using and working with what is here, and not allowing myself to fall into energy as I have proven to myself that when going into energy I am depleting myself from my power, I am giving myself away, I am not here in the moment but am busy in my mind in energy as desire / expectation / stress / worry, I realize there is no practical point for doing so, but the contrary, I realize it is self abusing self sabotaging and distracting, along with, as I allow myself to experience myself in this energy all I see is my goal, thus I separate myself from everything and everyone and thus create unnecessary friction and conflict as I move through out my day in energy.
Thus, within preparing a meal for others, when and as I see myself going into energy of pleasing / expectation / worry / stress, as trying to make the meal for "their" enjoinment, I stop myself and breathe, I remind myself that the energy is always hidden self interest and never for the best interest of the group nor myself really, and within that I realize that any stress / worry / expectation / desire is showing me that I am in fact preparing myself for a failure within existing I fear and self doubt, experienced as fear of judgment / criticism / failure, and thus, I commit myself to when seeing myself going into fear of judgment / criticism / failure as I am preparing a meal for others within the starting point as expectation and desire to please, I stop myself and breathe, I focus on the physical reality, I focus on my physical body, I focus on the practical steps I must take, I focus on the practicality of my responsibility - in this case to feed every body properly - I realize that the energy I am participating in, as the desire to please others, is not a practical nor necessary part of the equation, and thus should and must be let go of, as to prevent the outflow of such energy as I experienced the other day as stress, worry, inner friction and conflict that cause external friction and conflict. Within this I realize that all the steps I took to prepare the meal could have been done without energy, and I could have actually enjoyed myself through out the day as I prepare this meal, instead of existing in my mind as energy and missing out on all the fun of making dinner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, within believing that I had had made a mistake, to judge myself and blame myself for fucking up, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view myself through tunnel vision, as a very narrow perspective of myself and my actions - I realize that within blaming myself for my mistake I am blinding myself to the practical steps I have been physically taking and thus, not actually seeing me for who I am in my totality through how I am walking this point, but only focus on what I have done wrong, as I magnify it and believe it to be all of myself. I realize self blame is abusive and un just from perspective that it allows me to hate myself instead of support myself in seeing all aspects of myself as what I must maintain and expand on and what of myself must be change and corrected, not as a point of right and wrong as a polarity, but simply allowing myself to see who I really am, to change what must be changed as it is self sabotaging, self abusive and counter productive, and to keep that which is good, effective, practical and supportive - in other words to see myself for who I really am, to give myself credit for where I've been practical and effective.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience resistance towards writing about myself that I have done things in practicality and effectiveness, as to see that I have done something "right", I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and truly accept / believe myself as the character of a inadequate / failure to such an extent that it's uncomfortable for me to recognize aspects about myself that I am actually improving in or good / effective at, or to acknowledge simple tasks that I am doing correctly - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to tap myself on my own back, to give myself credit, to respect, to honor and to value myself, and thus I exist within the desire of being validated by others, as I believe / experience myself as I require the respect, value and honor of others as I have not allowed myself to give it to myself - I forgive myself for even now as I am writing this there is an experience within me of "not wanting to make a big deal out of what I did right, because it's so simple and can / should be disregarded" - within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only focus on what I'm doing wrong in self hatred instead of also seeing that which I'm improving in, and changing within - I hadn't realized how deep this point goes, as I have created and accepted myself as the character of failure / inadequacy to such an extent that it's hard for me to say that I'm not all bad.
I commit myself to take notice throughout my day of things I am good at, to acknowledge aspects of myself that I want to maintain and expand within, as well as aspects of myself I would like to correct and improve, I commit myself to see myself in my totality and not focus only on the bad / defective / inferior / inadequate aspects of myself, but instead to make an effort and realize myself as who I really am, and not be content with the narrow, tunnel version of myself, fed to me by my mind and accepted as myself in self diminishment.
When and as I see myself going into self blame / judgment as believing I am only wrong, that all I do is wrong, I stop myself from participating in the mind as back chat / thoughts / self judgment / emotions, and breathe, I realize that this is a narrow view, looking through a tunnel while hiding from myself the totality of myself and painting a "dark" picture from a starting point of creating energy as inner friction / conflict, thus, I commit myself, when I see myself going into self blame / judgment, to within breath, investigate in self honesty what are the mistakes that I have mis-taken that need be learnt from and corrected, and what are the points within which I was effective, directive and supportive, points that need be learnt from in order to maintain and expand within, I commit myself to do so as a practical process of evaluating where I can learn from my mistakes as to turn them into gifts of self expansion
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
