Showing posts with label society. Show all posts
Showing posts with label society. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
This is a continuation from my previous blogs:
Day 129 – Self Judgment – Part 1
Day 130 - Self judgment - Part 2 – Appearance
Day 131 - Self judgment - Part 3 – Appearance - Part 2
Day 132 - Self judgment - Part 4 - Appearance - Part 3
Day 133 - Self judgment - Part 5 – Designing myself as the appearance construct
Day 134 - Self Judgment - Part 6 – Appearance
I realize that when someone is being complemented on their appearance it isn't about me nor related to me and thus doesn't actually concern me - thus taking it personally and making any interpretations in regards myself is out of context, based on an illusion created only in my mind, as it has nothing to do with the actual physical reality of the situation, I realize that reacting to any complement given to another and taking it personally is reflecting my own self judgment towards my appearance and nothing else as what others may or may not think about me, within this I realize that any reaction as thoughts / back chat / energetic experience coming up within me, as comparison / spitefulness / judgment /competition / insult are not reflecting what others think of me but only reflecting and showing me what I think/believe about myself, within this I see that allowing these thoughts of self judgment as interpretations to others being complimented are self abusive, as within them I justify my self judgment and "bring myself down" as to experience the negative energy associated with self judgment. Within this I see that whenever I react to someone being complemented is an opportunity for me to see that I am still not clear and that the point of self acceptance is still not lived by me as myself, thus any point of reaction is thus a gift if I accept it as such and allow myself to investigate, forgive, and correct the points as they come up within my life, exposing to me the acceptances and allowances I have been living within/as in order for me to stand up and take self responsibility within the starting point of correcting myself to stop the self abuse and support myself as life, to support myself as I would support a child and to stop accepting the self abuse as I would not allow a child to be abused - thus, I commit myself to stop myself within and as breath when and as I see myself reacting to someone else being complemented or positively reinforced in any way, and specifically in regards to appearance, I commit myself to stop myself in breath and investigate and forgive the specific point that had emerged within the situation and revealed by my reaction, I commit myself to take on this point of self judgment in regards to appearance until it has no directive power over me, until I can stand stable in the face of any comment whether directed towards me or another, and not react within the mind as energy but direct myself within the principle of supporting myself in every breath and all within the situation as myself I realize that when I participate with thoughts as a form of comparison within self judgment in regards to appearance I am diminishing myself as the beingness that I am, and give my power away within accepting and allowing myself to believe my mind within the idea that there is an ideal way to look and that all must strive to look like that, within this I see that I have conditioned myself to desire to look as the ideal beauty image I have accepted within the accepted idea/belief that I have no right not to desire it, as if all should want to look like that - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as the appearance of my physical body as part of fulfilling my social duties in a way, within the desire / dependency to be accepted in society, as if I am suppose to judge myself because I don't look like the ideal, and I have thus allowed myself to consistently judge myself within a fear that if I don't I will be mocked, as if it is expected for someone that doesn't look like the ideal to at least judge themselves, as if to say "realize you don't look like the ideal you should want to look like, and judge yourself for not looking like it to prove that you understand that that's how you should look" - I realize within this that self judgment is a tool used to not change, as a form of justification, as a way of saying I accept my situation as my appearance but cannot do a thing about it so I will at the very least judge myself as to prove to society that I condemn myself as my appearance as to receive the approval of society, as a way to belong as one with society within sharing the point of judgment - thus equalizing myself to the point of judgment within accepting that all should strive to look in a specific way, and if they don't it is legitimate to judge them, as that is what society does, and thus it is expected that they judge themselves as well, and thus if they cannot fit in to society through looking in the ideal way, they can at least fit in with sharing society's judgment - I realize that I have been treating myself as a bully within the desire to fit in to society and accepting society's demands in regards to appearance, and thus I have been bullying myself within self judgment as if to say "hey society, look, I'm not standing as the ideal beauty image, but I accept it, and thus I will follow your demands and serve society's interest in condemning anyone that doesn't stand as that ideal, including myself, within this I have not allowed myself to question whether what I perceive as society's demands as the idea appearance is valid and worth "fighting for" and standing one and equal as - it is clear that it is not valid as it allows exclusion to all that do not fit the model and allows abuse as judgment towards those who do not fit the model, and thus disregards life as equal, and places conditions in order to be seen as worthy, instead of recognizing that all are equal as life, and all are equally worthy, and that the only thing that actually defines us is who we are within our acceptances and allowances, as the beingness that we allow ourselves to be - within this I commit myself to stop and breathe and not participate with society's demands without questioning them, as to make sure that I do not participate with the abuse that society allows and promotes as for instance exclusion, judgment and bullying. I commit myself to let go the ideal I have accepted and have lived by within judging myself for not looking like it and build myself a new within self trust as to trust myself that I will not bully myself within self judgment to justify to myself not looking like an ideal that is un real, as it is an idea, a concept of an era, an accepted opinion and not alive as the physical, and cannot be lived by all, and thus cannot be something to live by or be directed towards.
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Thursday, January 3, 2013
This is a continuation from my previous blogs:
Day 129 – Self Judgment – Part 1
Day 130 - Self judgment - Part 2 – Appearance
Day 131 - Self judgment - Part 3 – Appearance - Part 2
Day 132 - Self judgment - Part 4 - Appearance - Part 3
The two main beliefs I see within the system design of self judgment in regards to appearance is that, 1) I believe appearance is valuable, as being pretty and looking good is a value, it makes you more, superior, it’s a point in your favor, 2) the other belief is that I'm not that, I'm not pretty, thus, I lack that value of being pretty as I have defined pretty in my mind and have given it value in my mind and then judged myself for lacking it in my mind.
How did I do this?
The memories go back to childhood, it's hard to pin point when it actually started, but what comes to mind is my relationship with my sister, how I saw her and in comparison how I saw myself. When we were growing up, and basically through out my entire life, I always knew within myself that my sister is "the pretty one", I always knew she was prettier than me - I remember my friends seeing her and saying to me how beautiful my sister is, this happened many times. I realize though, that these memories are not the source because I remember that I already had the experience as reaction within myself when they would say it, as I already have heard it before, I had already known this and them saying it was another confirmation of the truth I had already believed to be true, thus I have already have created the construct / belief and the energetic reaction to it. While growing up I never related being beautiful to myself, I always felt like I wasn't, I always connected beauty to my sister, I justified it with the comments I got from those around, as they would tell me how pretty my sister is, it was a simple conclusion - if I was pretty, would someone had told me as well? But no one did, or if they did I didn't believe it, and paid my attention on how pretty my sister was, as everybody always seemed surprised and expressed how beautiful she is.
This reminds me of an Israeli song "why didn't you tell me that your sister is prettier" I always experienced an inner pinch when I heard the song, I thought that all the guys in my life must have though it to themselves, that they got the less pretty sister, and had they'd known they would have chosen the other sister. I see within this that I was actually threatened by her beauty, like I will lose people / friends / lovers to her, like they will know her and will want to trade up. This created a construct of competition within me towards her, and towards any woman later on in my life that I defined as prettier than me, I couldn't simply be, I would be alert and try to prove myself, try to get some points to compensate on the lack of the valuable beauty I believed I had, within believing how important having it is.
This still doesn't explain how it all started…
In earlier years, I don't remember any comments from my family about her being prettier, but what I do remember is that I never knew how to smile in pictures, my mom used to take many pictures of us and I always had a fake, uncomfortable and exaggerated smile, my sister on the other hand would always look so pretty, like she was actually smiling her real smile. In those years , as I was growing up, I developed an interesting relationship to being photographed, because I had gone to the extreme of making a big and exaggerated smile that looked funny and unreal, like I was making a funny face intentionally, but I wasn't, I was trying to smile to the camera. I was camera shay and didn't know how to be in front of it, I didn't know how to smile a real smile and just look and be natural when the camera was pointed at me. So, in a way, through the photographs of me making these funny faces, I validated the point of not being pretty, and specifically not being as pretty as my sister, that always looked so good in pictures.
Throughout the years I have accumulated these memories one by one, every time someone commented about my sister being pretty I took it as proof of me not being as pretty, and I created this idea and self belief about myself, and within this self belief I have justified so many things in my life, especially failure in relationships - why? because I'm not pretty enough - all this within the accepted idea that beauty has value, as we see this everywhere in the media, and in gossip with friends, there seems to be an accepted consensus that beauty is important and valuable - so, here I am, a product of my society, believing beauty is valuable while believing myself to be less than my sister, thus creating myself as inferior, believing myself to be less than - I've taken in all the information and had come to that conclusion that beauty is valuable and I lack it - then I have lived by this idea and created it as myself - not once did I question the validity of the accepted social norm that beauty is valuable - I mean really, why would it be? We are basically born with a physical structure, it's not like if we are good and caring people we become more beautiful, it's not like if we are abusive or manipulative we become ugly - thus there is no actual connection between how we look and who we are - so why did I never question this and simply accepted it as a truth within reality, and in turn a truth about myself - as I have gone throughout my life believing I am lacking, and within the experience of being lacking, as being less than, I have always been looking around, outside of myself, to check everybody else's appearance, to see who I am in comparison to them, to validate my self belief through people that are more pretty than me proving I lack the value of beauty as I have taught myself to do through my relationship with my sister.
Looking at it now, it's not only sad, it is actual child abuse, to be living in a world where beauty is believed to have value - I mean, we can't do anything about how we look, it's not like we can apply ourselves, study harder, build self discipline and as a result be more beautiful - so living in a world where it is promoted that beauty is important and valuable is causing so much unnecessary suffering, and not only to those of us that believe ourselves to be not beautiful, but also to those that have gone all their lives believing themselves to be beautiful, because they did get the positive feedback growing up, and they fit in to the cultural beauty ideal - how can they know if people accept them for who they are or for their looks - it's similar to being rich and everybody knows about it - how can you trust that the people around you are with you for "who you are" and not for you money - the value we have given beauty has caused only distress, inner conflict, competition, jealousy and rivalry throughout history, and yet, I have accepted it and recreated it within and as myself, and even though there is no common sense in giving beauty value, I still have done it throughout my life, and still do it within self judgment - until I stand up within myself, within self honesty, and take responsibility for myself as not allowing myself to simply follow the social norm I have grown to be use to, and the program I have created myself as - but to actually become self directive within common sense and stop what doesn't make any sense like giving value to appearance.
I realize judging myself for this is pointless and will just cause myself to create another personality within myself, just another layer of self judgment - thus I realize I must transcend this point through walking a process of self forgiveness and corrective application as I commit myself to stop and change, without falling into self judgment - I must integrate as myself the realization that I have programed myself due to the ignorance I have been existing in, and now that the vale of ignorance is off I must take self responsibility and change myself, to never again allow myself to fall into participation within the beauty system.
Self forgiveness to come...
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Tuesday, October 16, 2012
continue from my previous blogs:
Day 59 - Redefining friendship
Day 60 - friendship - Part 2 - Care and Support
Day 61 - Friendship - Part 3 - Care and Support - Self Forgiveness
The idea/ideal of friendship, that I have accepted, has to do with a bond, like two people tied together, thus limiting each other, not allowing complete self expression as within any bond/tie
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowing myself to limit my friends through using emotional manipulation and ultimatums, as a way to get from them what I want or avoid what I don't want within our friendship, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take advantage of the bond we have created as our friendship and to hold them responsible for it within manipulating them not believing that if they did something that I do not accept they are in fact braking the bond between us, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use, within self interest, the fear we all share of losing our friends, and thus within self interest of getting what I want or having the situation the way I want it, to manipulate my friend into a point of fear of losing me and within that to blame them for being responsible for it if they did that which I don't want them to do
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within friendship within a fear of losing the friendship if I do/express something that isn't accepted within the friendship, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live as self expression but instead to limit myself within an act I believe would be accepted and approved by my friends in order to maintain my friendship due to fear of being alone/rejected
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, within the effort to maintain the friendship at any cost, I would not allow myself to express myself as who I really am, but instead I would try and act in certain ways, to say the right things, to be funny and entertaining, to seams caring and supportive etc.… within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a lie within myself where as on the one hand I believe my friendships to be real and authentic, and on the other hand I fear being authentic in every moment because I fear it might hurt the friendship through not passing the judging eye of my friends, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to explore myself within actual self expression within my friendship and within that to actually expect my friends to reject me if I were to express myself truly within self honest self expression in every moment, and within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the fear of being rejected, and the expectation of being rejected by my friends, is a projection of myself as not accepting myself and judging myself and not allowing myself to express myself within self honesty because I don't accept myself as worthy to be accepted as who I am, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my friends are limiting me within their judgment while all along I have been the one limiting myself, using the structure of my friendship to enslave myself within believing I am doing it for their acceptance of me while actually I have been doing it to suit my own idea of how I will be accepted, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that I am limiting myself because of the judgment of my friends, and I haven’t allowed myself to see that I am the one who I existing within/as judgment and projecting it on to them, and thus am the one responsible for the participation/existence of judgment within our friendship
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that my friends are judging me not realizing I am projecting onto them my own self judgment within not accepting myself as who I am due to past experiences/memories that I have allowed myself to accept as the definition of me as inferior to myself as life, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame them for my own accepted limitation that I have created myself as but blame them as a self manipulation to hide from myself my own self responsibility, and within blaming them due to not allowing myself to see my responsibility of my self-limitation within self honesty, to within spitefulness allow myself to limit them within the justification of "do on to them what they have done on to me" while I was the one doing it on to myself, and then on to them. Thus, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize what I have done within/as my friendships, as I have transformed the construct of friendship from the caring/supportive ideal I have created about it in my mind as an idea, to a nasty/spiteful/judgmental power game of who sais the final word within the rules and regulations of the friendship, doing whatever I can that the final word will be mine, and that it is me that calls the shots, so that I can feel powerful and in control, while not realizing that it is all an outflow of my own self rejection/diminishment, and thus the loop of polarity exposes it's head again, as I hide from myself my hidden weakness that I actually believe myself to be, and instead, disguise it as power, within having the power to do onto another that which I do onto myself within my mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as self diminishment and within that to require friends to validate me to myself and through their acceptance give myself a sense of self value, instead of allowing myself to value myself for who I am as life, within realizing that I am life in fact, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself as life, but instead to believe myself to be less than life, and less than the idea I have within my mind as who I should be or should have been, and within this self diminishment to try and hide it from myself through distracting myself with many friends, and surrounding myself with many friends, not realizing that they as well are requiring my validation to hide from themselves their lack of self acceptance, and they too require validation to find within themselves a sense of self value and worthiness, and thus instead of supporting myself as life as realizing this point, and instead of supporting them as life within realizing this point, we assist each other in hiding from ourselves through direction ourselves with our friendship and so-called acceptance while all along playing this game of acceptance to hide the truth of ourselves from ourselves
I commit myself to investigate further the point of self diminishment/judgment/acceptance, because I now see how much it is influencing/directing me within my life and interactions with others, within that I realize the abuse I have been allowing towards myself and others where the source of the abuse being my self diminishment/judgment/acceptance, thus, I commit myself to investigate this point until I am clear within myself, until I am standing within self acceptance, until I have stopped all self judgment, I commit myself to do this within a daily process, as I walk each point, step by step, opening it up, facing myself as what I have accepted and allowed as myself, and within this I commit myself to change, to stop myself from participating and accepting myself than anything less than who I am as life, I commit myself to myself as life
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself participating in limitation towards myself or others, through emotional manipulation or the belief of dependency, I realize that it doesn't make any sense to do anything if it isn't me as self expression as self as life doing it, within this I realize that I have never really lived because I have never allowed myself to express myself as who I am within self acceptance. I commit myself to find myself within all the hiding and self deception, and to stand within/as myself, and to rebirth myself as life, trough a process of writing myself as I have realized this is the tool to see/face myself, and within self forgiveness as I have realized that only through forgiving myself can I let go of who I have allowed myself to be and exist as and to change myself into a being that supports self as life and all life as equal and one, as what is best for all
I commit myself to stop myself from participating in friendships/relationships that support the mind as the characters we have defined and accepted ourselves as, I commit myself to stand in the face of conflict without fear through the support of breath, and not accepting anything less than who I am and who my friend is, as life.
I commit myself to allow myself to change, to let go the old/familiar persona I know as myself and to rediscover myself from a fresh starting point that isn't directed by fear/limitation/diminishment, but is directed by self within breath, as life.
I know this will take time, it took me years to create myself as who I am, and it will take me years to face all the points, and forgive myself for all the abusive shit I have participated in, but I realize I cannot go on like this, I cannot accumulate more point of guilt, shame and regret, I realize tat every breath that I participate within/as the mind is another breath that I am not here, thus disregarding the one thing that is truly valuable, myself, the physical, breath
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Friday, October 12, 2012
continue from previous blogs:
Day 51 - Blame character – Part 1
Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness
Day 53 - Blame character - Part 3 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Commitments
Day 54 - Blame Character - Part 4 - Being Repeatedly Attacked – Self Forgiveness
Day 55 - Blame Character - Part 5 - Being Repeatedly Attacked - Self Commitments
Day 56 - Blame Character - Part 6 – Enslaving Myself
Day 57 - Blame Character - Part 7 - Society's Value System - Self Forgiveness
I commit myself to stop myself within breath and ring myself back here to the physical body, when/as I see myself participating within the desire to be seen in a specific way, as I have realized that it is within participation and acceptance of the social value system, and I commit myself to stop myself from participating within it, instead I commit myself to stand as life, and support myself as life, and all life as one and equal, not allowing any value system to separate and define that which is unconditionally life
I commit myself to stop myself within the desire to be seen in a specific light as good/caring and so on, and instead to dedicate myself to actual physical change, to actually being and living that which is worthy, that which supports all life, and not to settle for anything less than that, as an ideal picture that doesn't not value life but is what it is, a one dimensional picture, because I realize that is self compromise and within it compromising all life as a whole
I commit myself stop defining myself in comparison to an ideal I have accepted through what I learnt from society, and to instead allow myself to see myself as who I actually am, as who I have created myself as, and to then change myself step by step through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective statements, because I have realized that only through specific investigation of how I have created myself, and through taking responsibility for who I am within/through writing self forgiveness, can I change myself as what is best for all within supporting myself as LIFE and not as a picture presentation idea as the ideal I have desired myself to be
I commit myself to expose and show society's value system as the abusive/separating system that it is, for accepting and allowing to define and separate those that have the skills/characters defined by society as worthy and those that don't, within this I commit myself to show through recreating myself as the living example, that for a society to thrive we do not require a value system based in separation, but rather to live within self honesty as what is best for all, and allow/appreciate self expression in any/all forms, not defined as good/bad by a value system, but only within the consideration of what is best for all within self honesty
I commit myself to stop myself from participating within/as separation through accepting society's value system as defining people as worthy or not depending on their skills and characters, within this, I commit myself to stop myself as the judgment that I have allowed myself to exist as, and thus to investigate all points of judgment within myself that I have accepted as myself due to my acceptance and participation within society's value system
I commit myself to stop myself from participating within judgment/separation towards myself and towards others, because I have realized that judging people as worthy or not worthy based on society's value system doesn't take into consideration that we, as society, haven't allowed all to have the effective tools required to live a dignified/fulfilled life, and thus by not allowing all beings equal education/financial security/health care, we are creating a platform where there will always be those that are judged as unworthy so that we, the elite, can define ourselves as worthy in relation to them and based on the value system that we have created, and feel "good" about ourselves, within this I realize that all society's value system is in fact a function of the elite, used to separate themselves from the rest, the inferior, the unworthy, and through this value system to define themselves as worthy and thus justify the fact that so many people are living an unworthy/undignified life, and yet we do nothing about it because it is justified through our value system
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself going into fear of not being accepted by society, because I realize that by fear of not being accepted I am in fact agreeing and participating with society's value system, and thus since I have realized that society's value system is a scam made to create separation and to justify inequality I stop myself from participating within it, I commit myself to through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective statements, to free myself from society's value system and create myself as w worthy living being that actually supports all life equality and does not accept any form of separation, within and without
I commit myself to use the fear of judgment as a gift, to able myself to see all points of judgment within me that I have accepted as myself, and through allowing myself to see/face myself as the fear of judgment to clear myself one point at a time from all accepted/allowed judgment, until I am here, clear of all judgment and free from fear, within this I commit myself to investigate any/all points of reaction within me in relation to fear of judgment/self judgment/judging others within accepting society's value system as a guide line, and within this I commit myself to stop myself from participating in society's value system, and to direct myself as what is best for all equally, within/as breath
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself judging others as not worthy based on society's value system I have accepted as my own and have been participating with, I commit myself to when/as I see myself fall into judging others I stop and breath, I realize that any judgment I project onto others is a reflection/projection of my own fear of being judged within the point that I am busy with judging, and thus I commit myself to investigate the points of self judgment and to free myself through self forgiveness and accept myself and all equally as life
I commit myself to stop myself from acting within the limitation of society's value system and to allow myself to express myself unconditionally without fear, I realize this will take a process to walk through, thus I commit myself to when I see myself resisting from expressing myself unconditionally to investigate the point until I stand as myself in every breath, stable, here
I commit myself to walking a process of self acceptance, within stopping all self judgment, through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective statement, and through the realization that all participation within/as self judgment is limiting me from actually living, from being here within/as the physical, within/as breath, and this must stop, thus I commit myself to stop, and stand up as self acceptance, as life, within this I commit myself to stop myself from the dependency towards society that I have created as myself and to will myself to walk alone, stable here, within breath, through building self trust and self intimacy, to realize that all I require to accept me is me.
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Thursday, October 11, 2012
continue from previous blogs:
Day 51 - Blame character – Part 1
Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness
Day 53 - Blame character - Part 3 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Commitments
Day 54 - Blame Character - Part 4 - Being Repeatedly Attacked – Self Forgiveness
Day 55 - Blame Character - Part 5 - Being Repeatedly Attacked - Self Commitments
Day 56 - Blame Character - Part 6 – Enslaving Myself
and another related blog: Day 26 - Wanting to be accepted
Through out this point of looking at the Blame Character, I recognize that I have a desire to be seen in a specific "light", while within the point of experiencing myself as I'm being attacked I feel like I am not seen as I desire to be seen and there is a fear within that as to how others will see me as
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be seen in a specific light so to speak, to be seen as a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person, within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place more value/attention/effort towards how people see me rather than actually living as the ideal that I want to be seen as
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself based on an ideal that I have created in my mind, not realizing that this ideal I desire to be has been programmed into me as the society's value system, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate the implications of participating/allowing such values to direct me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by society's value system as the desire to seen as a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person, and I have not realized that within that I am defining those with these characters as more valuable/worthy than those without, and within that I am allowing myself and society as myself to be the judge all mighty, deciding who is worthy of the title of being a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person and who isn't, and thus to deem them as unworthy of social appreciation and thus support, in other words banning/excluding them from society, which in turn translates into the ability to survive
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that by allowing myself to judge myself and others based on society's value system that I have accepted as my own, I am giving permission to separation within forming a defining line between those that make it and those that don't, and within accepting such a line to exist as an outflow of society's value system, I have allowed myself to exist in fear of being on the "wrong side if the line" and to as a result not receive social appreciation and support, within this I forgive myself for not seeing, realizing and understanding the implication of such a line as separating between those with the "right" social skills and those without, as a life or death sentence, where those who do not hold these skills are pushed aside from society and are disregarded and ignored, and thus do not have an equal chance to have a fulfilled and dignified life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged by others, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept myself without judgment and thus fear the judgment of others because I have made others the judge of me as they have the eyes to see if I am worthy to be accepted or not, and thus when I perceive my place in society is threatened through a remark/comment stating I am not aligned with society's values I react in anger and blame because I fear being disregarded and ignored as I have disregarded and ignored those that I have judged as unworthy, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard and ignore others that don't fit my value system that I have accepted from society, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the immense abuse and harm created by a value system that is based on judgment and separation
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in fear of being seen as one of those that is judge as unworthy for social appreciation and within that to create myself as an act, to be sure that I follow the social value system and appear to be what I perceive society expects of me to be, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lash out at people that see/judge me as anything other than how I desire to be seen, as a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person, and to then react within fear of being an outcast of society for not standing in the standard society has created and I have accepted to be valid, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself the fear of being an outcast and instead transform and project it onto the other in a form of blame, as I blame them for seeing through the act that I put on, and thus as I am threatened by them for blowing my cover, I attack them with blame, while experiencing it as they have attacked me by defining me as that which is unacceptable by society, within that hiding from myself all the layer of who I am as fear/judgment/blame so that I can go on believing that I am a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person while all along I have manipulated myself and all those around within the situation by putting on this act just to be accepted by society, and not allowing me to live as myself within self expression as I fear revealing myself for who I really am
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dependent on society's acceptance within a belief that I must be accepted to survive, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that experiencing myself as accepted, must start with self acceptance, and thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as who I am without judgment because I have already accepted the value system of society and within that have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through judgment as unworthy and thus must hide myself within acting as a character that society will approve, not realizing that this is all due to my acceptance of society's value system, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of society's value system and to actually get to know myself for who I actually am, without judgment, and within knowing myself to be able to take responsibility for who I am and change myself, not as society's value system, as it is based on polarity and creates separation and abuse, but on common sense within what is best for all through honoring myself as life, and respecting all life
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take on society's value system as my own value system, while not allowing myself to investigate all points and outflows of such a value system, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the abuse within the separation that society create through it's value system, as well as the abuse I create within accepting the value system of society as my own, through defining people as better/worse depending on their expression and skills
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