Day 58 - Blame Character - Part 8 - Society's Value System - Self Commitments

continue from previous blogs:

Day 51 - Blame character – Part 1

Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness

Day 53 - Blame character - Part 3 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Commitments

Day 54 - Blame Character - Part 4 - Being Repeatedly Attacked – Self Forgiveness

Day 55 - Blame Character - Part 5 - Being Repeatedly Attacked - Self Commitments

Day 56 - Blame Character - Part 6 – Enslaving Myself

Day 57 - Blame Character - Part 7 - Society's Value System - Self Forgiveness

I commit myself to investigate the ideal image I have created in my mind, within realizing that I have accepted as myself a social value system regardless of the abuse/harm/separation it entails within it, and thus I commit myself to investigate it for what it is and stop myself from participating within it

I commit myself to stop myself within breath and ring myself back here to the physical body, when/as I see myself participating within the desire to be seen in a specific way, as I have realized that it is within participation and acceptance of the social value system, and I commit myself to stop myself from participating within it, instead I commit myself to stand as life, and support myself as life, and all life as one and equal, not allowing any value system to separate and define that which is unconditionally life

I commit myself to stop myself within the desire to be seen in a specific light as good/caring and so on, and instead to dedicate myself to actual physical change, to actually being and living that which is worthy, that which supports all life, and not to settle for anything less than that, as an ideal picture that doesn't not value life but is what it is, a one dimensional picture, because I realize that is self compromise and within it compromising all life as a whole

I commit myself stop defining myself in comparison to an ideal I have accepted through what I learnt from society, and to instead allow myself to see myself as who I actually am, as who I have created myself as, and to then change myself step by step through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective statements, because I have realized that only through specific investigation of how I have created myself, and through taking responsibility for who I am within/through writing self forgiveness, can I change myself as what is best for all within supporting myself as LIFE and not as a picture presentation idea as the ideal I have desired myself to be

I commit myself to expose and show society's value system as the abusive/separating system that it is, for accepting and allowing to define and separate those that have the skills/characters defined by society as worthy and those that don't, within this I commit myself to show through recreating myself as the living example, that for a society to thrive we do not require a value system based in separation, but rather to live within self honesty as what is best for all, and allow/appreciate self expression in any/all forms, not defined as good/bad by a value system, but only within the consideration of what is best for all within self honesty

I commit myself to stop myself from participating within/as separation through accepting society's value system as defining people as worthy or not depending on their skills and characters, within this, I commit myself to stop myself as the judgment that I have allowed myself to exist as, and thus to investigate all points of judgment within myself that I have accepted as myself due to my acceptance and participation within society's value system

I commit myself to stop myself from participating within judgment/separation towards myself and towards others, because I have realized that judging people as worthy or not worthy based on society's value system doesn't take into consideration that we, as society, haven't allowed all to have the effective tools required to live a dignified/fulfilled life, and thus by not allowing all beings equal education/financial security/health care, we are creating a platform where there will always be those that are judged as unworthy so that we, the elite, can define ourselves as worthy in relation to them and based on the value system that we have created, and feel "good" about ourselves, within this I realize that all society's value system is in fact a function of the elite, used to separate themselves from the rest, the inferior, the unworthy, and through this value system to define themselves as worthy and thus justify the fact that so many people are living an unworthy/undignified life, and yet we do nothing about it because it is justified through our value system

I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself going into fear of not being accepted by society, because I realize that by fear of not being accepted I am in fact agreeing and participating with society's value system, and thus since I have realized that society's value system is a scam made to create separation and to justify inequality I stop myself from participating within it, I commit myself to through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective statements, to free myself from society's value system and create myself as w worthy living being that actually supports all life equality and does not accept any form of separation, within and without

I commit myself to use the fear of judgment as a gift, to able myself to see all points of judgment within me that I have accepted as myself, and through allowing myself to see/face myself as the fear of judgment to clear myself one point at a time from all accepted/allowed judgment, until I am here, clear of all judgment and free from fear, within this I commit myself to investigate any/all points of reaction within me in relation to fear of judgment/self judgment/judging others within accepting society's value system as a guide line, and within this I commit myself to stop myself from participating in society's value system, and to direct myself as what is best for all equally, within/as breath

I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself judging others as not worthy based on society's value system I have accepted as my own and have been participating with, I commit myself to when/as I see myself fall into judging others I stop and breath, I realize that any judgment I project onto others is a reflection/projection of my own fear of being judged within the point that I am busy with judging, and thus I commit myself to investigate the points of self judgment and to free myself through self forgiveness and accept myself and all equally as life

I commit myself to stop myself from acting within the limitation of society's value system and to allow myself to express myself unconditionally without fear, I realize this will take a process to walk through, thus I commit myself to when I see myself resisting from expressing myself unconditionally to investigate the point until I stand as myself in every breath, stable, here

I commit myself to walking a process of self acceptance, within stopping all self judgment, through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective statement, and through the realization that all participation within/as self judgment is limiting me from actually living, from being here within/as the physical, within/as breath, and this must stop, thus I commit myself to stop, and stand up as self acceptance, as life, within this I commit myself to stop myself from the dependency towards society that I have created as myself and to will myself to walk alone, stable here, within breath, through building self trust and self intimacy, to realize that all I require to accept me is me.

 

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Day 33 - Fear of being kicked by a horse

here I am walking through the different dimensions of the point of fear of being kicked by a horse through

Though as a picture

An image of a horse standing on his front two feet with his back legs up high

Where did this fear come from?

As a child we went horseback riding, and it was always something they said, like a warning, to not stand/pass behind a horse because it can kick you, and it's very dangerous. It's like the one thing my mom knows/sais about horses: "don't stand behind it so it can't kick you"

Back chat

What is he doing? Should I walk here? Will he kick me? Is he relaxed/irritated?

I know that standing behind a horse is dangerous  

How can I get to the other side without passing behind him?

Shit, what is he thinking? Does he understand me? Is he going to test me?

Am I going to be able to do this?

I'm not sure I'm up for working with horses…

Can I stop being afraid?

Ho shit, they detect fear, he'll walk all over me, I'm not sure I can do this

Imagination (play out, movie scenario)

I see a scenarios in my mind of me passing behind the horse and he kicks me in the head, and I dye, or he kicks me in my chest and breaks my rib cage, or kicks me and I fall down and he steps on me and I'm injured and in pain. All scenarios in regards to me doing something that I shouldn't have, or that could have been prevented, and the horse ends up kicking/hurting me in some way/shape/form

Reaction, emotions/feelings, energetic reaction

Self-doubt, fear, fear of pain, fear of death, hesitation, weakness, I feel like I'm not solid, like less than myself physically, like some of me is missing physically,

Physical changes

I approach the horse with hesitation, like I'm coming towards him and away from him at the same time – my hand is coming towards the horse and my body/back is moving back words

Within the tonality of my voice I ask him to move with a tonality of a question, going high in the end of the sentence, something like: "would you maybe mind moving?" also it is said in a soft and shaking voice

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear of being kicked by a horse when working with horses

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being hurt by a horse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a thought of fear of horses and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing one though to possess me within allowing myself to go into emotional reaction just by that one thought coming into play within that removing myself in separation from myself as the breath here, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to through my participation within/as the thought of fear of being kicked by a horse to actually kick the breath away from myself within stopping myself as life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing conversations I heard as a child direct me within my participation within/as fear of being kicked by a horse, I realize that there is common sense practicality within understanding the possible events that can occur when working/moving around horses, and thus I work/move within/as awareness not allowing myself to go into the mind within/as fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate/follow/believe the back chat coming up in my mind in relation to fear of being kicked by a horse, within that I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to occupy myself within/as back chat and within that to justify the fear as emotional reaction, thus allowing myself to stay within/as the character of fear of horses, limiting myself to a character instead of allowing myself to expand beyond it as life within/as breath, and to explore life and to actually live, not as a programed character but as life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to entertain myself within my mind as imagination within projection a film like scenario of being kicked/hurt by a horse and thus perpetuate the fear instead of allowing myself to within self-support to stop the imaginations through realizing that they are not supporting me as life but are supporting the mind as the abusive illusion

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to watch the imagination in my mind as a short movie as entertainment within justifying and compounding the fear of being kicked by a horse, instead of stopping myself from participating as an audience to this film and allow myself to be here, practically in the physical, where I can actually take action within awareness to prevent such event to occur

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the physical changes I create within/as my body when facing the fear of being kicked by a horse, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the mind to such an extent that my physical body will change it's expression to equalize with the mind possession as fear, instead of allowing myself to be the directive principle where I align my mind to/as the hereness of my body within/as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in "mind over matter" by allowing my physical body to change as a result as my mind possession, thus indicating that my mind is the master of me and my body as the slave, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my body up to the mind within expressing myself physically according to the mind's fearful possession

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the physical changed in my body due to not allowing myself to be self-intimate within/as my body, and within that I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see the physical changes and investigate them as self-support to assist me in realizing the possession of the mind as fear of horses, to be able to bring myself back here through writing/self-forgiveness/corrective statements

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stay stable within/as breath within/as self-trust when working with horses, but instead I go into fear and allow myself to exist as/within fear within visualizing within/as my mind different scenarios that could happen that I would get hurt, I forgive myself or not accepting and allowing myself to realize that when I am participating within/as thoughts as imaginations of scenarios that could happen I am at the moment not here within/as breath, not here within/as self and thus at moment of fear/thought I am actually putting myself in danger through not being here in fact to direct any situation that comes along

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself around horses and exist within a constant fear of them getting irritated and I won't notice or know what to do and I will end up getting hurt, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here with the horse but instead be in my mind as thoughts/fear and thus create a situation where I cannot be the directive principle because I am not here within awareness to direct the situation, thus I have accepted and allowed myself to give my responsibility of myself and the horse to the mind as trusting in the mind as fear instead of building myself within/as self-trust through applying myself here in every moment within/as breath to be able to actually be here to take responsibility and direct any situation that comes along within/as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into my mind within a imagination of a picture of a horse kicking, a picture I created/stored in my mind as memory, and whenever I recall that picture memory I justify to myself the fear of horses, as if the picture is showing me the actual truth of danger within horses, instead of realizing that the picture is a self-created one dimensional image, and thus is not a "true" representation of the three dimensional reality we exist as, within this I realize that within practicality, the fear is useless and will only put me in unnecessary danger rather than help/assist me, within realizing this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to breathe through the fear within the understanding that the only thing to fear is the fear itself, from the perspective that while I am participating within/as fear I am not here and cannot direct/take responsibility for/as the situation and thus compromise myself and the environment I am in, within this I realize that since I am the creator of the fear coming up within me, I am responsible and able to stop it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in fear instead of allowing myself to slowly but surely through stopping the mind as fear time and time again, to build self-trust within the practical understanding that I will slowly and surly learn more and more about the horses and how to handle/treat/read them, thus will become more and more aware of the situation and know what to do/act/behave within also knowing what can go wrong from a perspective of being prepared/informed within common sense, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that  to fear the situation within going into my mind as thought/imaginations is what is putting me in danger in fact, within this I also realize that participating within/as fear is acting as an interruption to self, through within creating within myself an impression that I am actually doing something to protect myself from the dangers while in fact all I am doing is the contrary, and actually creating the danger through participating within/as fear.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be one and equal to/as the horses

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that working with the horses is in fact an opportunity to within working hands on within/as the physical to establish myself here within/as breath

Self-Commitments

I commit myself to, when a thought manifest in my mind of fear of being kicked by a horse - to in that moment stop and breathe within realizing I am here in breath in this body, and within my participation with following the thought, I am missing another breath/moments of being alive here

I commit myself to when a thought of being kicked by a horse manifest in my mind, I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here to my physical body to the physical environment I am in, I hear the noises around me, I look at what's around me, I am here, I focus on the physical and through the physical support myself to stay out of the mind as thoughts

I commit myself to investigate information I got from my parents environment within realizing that some of it is practical and some of it is simply an accepted emotional reaction to a situation learnt by the environment and accepted by self, thus I commit myself to participate within using common sense within/as the physical, and not occupy myself within/as the mind as emotional reactions as I have realized they are merely a distraction of being here as life within/as breath

I commit myself to stopping my participation within/as back chat, within realizing they are coming from and defending a character I have created as myself, and thus I realize that my participation within/as back chat is giving power to the character and thus taking power away from self as breath as life, thus I commit myself to stopping the back chat within/as breath as it comes up I breathe and simply do not participate.

I commit myself to stopping myself within/as breath when watching the fear inducing movie in my head, within realizing that watching the movie in my head is keeping me away from myself here as breath, and thus is actually creating a dangerous situation where I am not here and cannot be responsible for the environment around me and thus cannot trust myself to be safe around the horses, thus I commit myself to when working with/around the horses to be here within/as breath and not allow myself to wonder in the movie of my mind

I commit myself to investigating my physical changes within/as mind possessions as fear of horses, and to through the body learn to detect what is going on in my mind, to be able to stop myself as the mind and to be here within/as the physical body, within/as breath

I commit myself to when working with horses to use it as a practical practice platform for being here within/as breath, and within that I commit myself to use the fear of being kicked by a horse as self-support to breathe through it and remain here as the physical, equal to the horse and what I am doing at the moment here