Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness

Continuing from my previous blog: Day 51 – Blame character – Part 1

Here I will walk the point, within the blame character, of reacting to the another person's tonality within believing I am being attacked by them through how they express themselves to me

I have noticed that I have the perception of being attacked through the tonality in another's voice where I perceive them to be criticizing me, impatient with me and an authority over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to interpret a tonality within someone's expression as an attack, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can be attacked with words, not realizing that words have no direct physical influence unless I accept and allow myself to react to them within myself, within/as my mind, and only through my acceptance/participation I let them have an actual physical influence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself that I am being attacked when being spoken to in a specific tonality due to past experiences/memories/interpretations, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within/as the past as not being here within breath, not being the directive principle because I am allowing tonality to dictate how I react/behave, instead of directing myself within as breath, within the physical practical reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define some people as authoritative according to the tonality of their voice, as when they speak with a stable sounding voice, when they sound sure of themselves, and express themselves within confidence of what they are saying, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as less than “authority”, from a perspective of not being confident in what I say, not being sure of myself, and thus if someone else is confident they must know, and I don't, so they are authority and I am less. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define someone as more than me, as an authority, due to the tonality of their voice, and within that create a whole personality in relation to them as being less than them, and thus allowing myself to go into inferiority

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to a specific tonality that I interpret at attacking when the other's voice is expressed in a harsh, cut off, sharp edges way, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea in my mind that being spoken to in a harsh, cut off, sharp edges way is defined as being attacked and I haven't allowed myself to consider within this idea the other being, within considering that wither they are intending to attack or not, is based on mind made ideas within their mind, and thus within reacting to tonality as believing a harsh, cut off, sharp edges tonality is indication of attack I am in fact validating the mind and abdicating my free choice as a living being to breathe and be here within/as the moment and simply hear what is being said, and within that, not allowing myself to respond within common sense practicality taking into consideration life as a whole within considering both/all beings that are participating in the situation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself react to the tonality of someone's voice when speaking my name, where I interpret the sound/tonality of my name as a preparation for an attack if it is spoken in a specific way, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to what someone is saying to me before they even say anything and just called out my name, because I interpret the way they call my name as a preparation for being attacked by them, within this I forgive myself for accepting within/as myself the idea of being attacked and thus before the being even speaks I am already in defense mode creating back chat in my mind and building up energy within myself to have armor against the attack, all based on the tonality of how they say my name, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that within anticipating the idea of being attacked I am already within myself creating the situation of being attacked, and thus the other being when communicating with me will "feel the vibe" and will in turn attack me because I sent off a signal that I am prepared for it, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the other for attacking me when in fact I have in a way requested it through my anticipation of being attacked

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to interpret someone's tonality as being impatient, and to thus go into reaction within fear of having someone express impatient towards me, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear/resist having someone respond to me within impatience because I have allowed myself to define myself accordingly within the belief system I have placed on my definition of impatience, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when someone is impatient with me to take it personally and believe it defines me as slow/boring/stupid/a nuisance/a disturbance, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within believing myself to be slow/stupid/boring… within believing the other has responded to me within impatience, to react within fear of being rejected, because I have created a net of beliefs within/as me and I have believed them to define me and the world we live in as reality, and within the beliefs I have created within/as myself I have allowed myself to judge myself and others for being slow/boring/a nuisance… and to define that as bad and unacceptable and thus to reject myself and others within presenting those characters, thus i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when I interpret someone as being impatient towards me through the interpretation i have giving the tonality of their voice, I react within fear of being rejected

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when interpreting people's expression as being impatient with me and/or criticizing me through their tonality of their words, to then interpret that as if I am being attacked within accepting a set of beliefs/ideas/opinions that I have created within/as myself, as how I see the world and how I have concluded that people should be/behave, and thus when I perceive people to be impatient towards me, I conclude that I am being/acting/behaving within the forbidden/unacceptable behaviors as defined through the set of beliefs/ideas I have accepted to be real, and within that, their criticism must be a consequence of who I am as I how have behaved within that which is unacceptable, and thus it must be a sign for soon being rejected. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as fear of being rejected due to believing that I must be accepted by others to live, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself as my self-expression in order to fit in and to please others as doing what it takes to be accepted, because I have allowed myself to believe that only within being accepted by other will I be able to survive, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to firstly accept myself and to realize that within actual self acceptance I can start building self intimacy, and within self acceptance/intimacy to not require others to validate me, as I am here as breath, as self, as life.

 

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Desteni

Desteni Wiki

Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

Journey to Life Group

Eqafe Life Products - Self Help

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to LIfe

Earth's Journey to Life

Day 51 – Blame character – Part 1

 

I am working with the blame character within and as myself where I am looking at one dimension of blame where within my environment an event occurs where I am corrected / feel inferior / ….and through my experience of this I would react in anger, feel animosity towards the other person blaming them for how I experience myself.

So, within this character I see there are three steps to the creation of the blame character:

1. I take a response from someone in my environment personally
2. Within taking it personally I react to the other person negatively where I create an emotional body that reacts to the response from the other person
3. I then become the blame character – blaming the other person for my experience

I will start from the end to unfold the pattern:

Why do I blame?

I blame as a way of abdicating self responsibility, stating to myself that others are responsible for how I experience myself. It is a form of self diminishment within believing myself to be a victim to others and dependent on others within believing they have control over me as my experience of myself

Why do I experience a negative energetic experience?

Based on memories/ideas/interpretations that I have created and accepted in the past, as I have connected the dots between my experiences creating a belief system of how things should be, how people should be, how I should be. Within this I have learned to use positive/negative energetic experiences to get what I want within self interest, to justify myself and to protect my personality/beliefs. So going into negative energetic experience is a point of not having the situation aligned with my expectations of it within self interest, simply not how I want it do be within the ideas I have created, and through feeling bad about it I justify to myself that I am right within the idea.

Why do I take things personally?

I feel attacked, the idea I have of myself is attacked, things are being said that are not aligned with my belief system, with the personality I want to have presented, there is a clash and I go into defense mode as a form of survival, like becoming alert and having to defend myself, my persona.

I have noticed that I have the perception of being attacked through the tonality in another's voice where I perceive them to be criticizing me, impatient with me and an authority over me. If I perceive myself to be attacked often and repeatedly I experience a form of desensitizing, like a form of coping mechanism where I zone out and ignore/suppress the reactions within me, another point within perceiving myself to being repeatedly attract I lose my perception of what is important, like there is no big and small scale, it all becomes with the same intensity.

Within the perceiving myself as being attacked I allow myself to feel enslaved where I lose all self trust, and accept myself as enslaved to the situation and my experience within it, like I am trapped within it.

Through out this point I recognize that I have a desire to be seen in a specific "light", while within the point of experiencing myself as I'm being attacked I feel like I am not seen as I desire to be seen and there is a fear within that as to how others will see me as

So, in a way my definition of self is challenged, I recognize the misalignment with my self definition and what is being said to me that I have reacted to, and I evaluate it to being negative according to my belief system based on past experiences/memories/interpretation, then I react within a negative energetic experience, and instead of realizing that I am doing all of this to myself through accepting blindly my belief system and my definition of myself, I go into blame within believing the whole experience to be real and my beliefs to be valid, and thus I blame the other for creating this situation as what I am experiencing within/as myself, through their expression.

Within the blogs to come I will open up this point further