Day 57 - Blame Character - Part 7 - Society's Value System - Self Forgiveness

continue from previous blogs:

Day 51 - Blame character – Part 1

Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness

Day 53 - Blame character - Part 3 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Commitments

Day 54 - Blame Character - Part 4 - Being Repeatedly Attacked – Self Forgiveness

Day 55 - Blame Character - Part 5 - Being Repeatedly Attacked - Self Commitments

Day 56 - Blame Character - Part 6 – Enslaving Myself

and another related blog: Day 26 - Wanting to be accepted

 

Through out this point of looking at the Blame Character, I recognize that I have a desire to be seen in a specific "light", while within the point of experiencing myself as I'm being attacked I feel like I am not seen as I desire to be seen and there is a fear within that as to how others will see me as

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be seen in a specific light so to speak, to be seen as a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person, within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place more value/attention/effort towards how people see me rather than actually living as the ideal that I want to be seen as

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself based on an ideal that I have created in my mind, not realizing that this ideal I desire to be has been programmed into me as the society's value system, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate the implications of participating/allowing such values to direct me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by society's value system as the desire to seen as a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person, and I have not realized that within that I am defining those with these characters as more valuable/worthy than those without, and within that I am allowing myself and society as myself to be the judge all mighty, deciding who is worthy of the title of being a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person and who isn't, and thus to deem them as unworthy of social appreciation and thus support, in other words banning/excluding them from society, which in turn translates into the ability to survive

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that by allowing myself to judge myself and others based on society's value system that I have accepted as my own, I am giving permission to separation within forming a defining line between those that make it and those that don't, and within accepting such a line to exist as an outflow of society's value system, I have allowed myself to exist in fear of being on the "wrong side if the line" and to as a result not receive social appreciation and support, within this I forgive myself for not seeing, realizing and understanding the implication of such a line as separating between those with the "right" social skills and those without, as a life or death sentence, where those who do not hold these skills are pushed aside from society and are disregarded and ignored, and thus do not have an equal chance to have a fulfilled and dignified life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged by others, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept myself without judgment and thus fear the judgment of others because I have made others the judge of me as they have the eyes to see if I am worthy to be accepted or not, and thus when I perceive my place in society is threatened through a remark/comment stating I am not aligned with society's values I react in anger and blame because I fear being disregarded and ignored as I have disregarded and ignored those that I have judged as unworthy, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard and ignore others that don't fit my value system that I have accepted from society, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the immense abuse and harm created by a value system that is based on judgment and separation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in fear of being seen as one of those that is judge as unworthy for social appreciation and within that to create myself as an act, to be sure that I follow the social value system and appear to be what I perceive society expects of me to be, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lash out at people that see/judge me as anything other than how I desire to be seen, as a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person, and to then react within fear of being an outcast of society for not standing in the standard society has created and I have accepted to be valid, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself the fear of being an outcast and instead transform and project it onto the other in a form of blame, as I blame them for seeing through the act that I put on, and thus as I am threatened by them for blowing my cover, I attack them with blame, while experiencing it as they have attacked me by defining me as that which is unacceptable by society, within that hiding from myself all the layer of who I am as fear/judgment/blame so that I can go on believing that I am a good/caring/intelligent/funny/interesting person while all along I have manipulated myself and all those around within the situation by putting on this act just to be accepted by society, and not allowing me to live as myself within self expression as I fear revealing myself for who I really am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dependent on society's acceptance within a belief that I must be accepted to survive, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that experiencing myself as accepted, must start with self acceptance, and thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as who I am without judgment because I have already accepted the value system of society and within that have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through judgment as unworthy and thus must hide myself within acting as a character that society will approve, not realizing that this is all due to my acceptance of society's value system, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of society's value system and to actually get to know myself for who I actually am, without judgment, and within knowing myself to be able to take responsibility for who I am and change myself, not as society's value system, as it is based on polarity and creates separation and abuse, but on common sense within what is best for all through honoring myself as life, and respecting all life

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take on society's value system as my own value system, while not allowing myself to investigate all points and outflows of such a value system, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the abuse within the separation that society create through it's value system, as well as the abuse I create within accepting the value system of society as my own, through defining people as better/worse depending on their expression and skills

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Desteni

Desteni Wiki

Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

Journey to Life Group

Eqafe Life Products - Self Help

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to LIfe

Earth's Journey to Life

Day 53 - Blame character - Part 3 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Commitments

continue from previous blogs:

Day 51 – Blame character – Part 1

Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness

I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when/as I see myself experiencing being attacked by the interpretation I have given the tonality that is spoken towards/around me, within this I commit myself to remind myself within/as breath that words cannot harm me unless I give them value and accept them as an attack

I commit myself to when reacting to a tonality, investigate the memory I am allowing to direct me, within the understanding that the energetic reaction I am holding towards the tonality of how words are spoken to me are indicating that I am holding on to past experiences as memories and reliving them over and over through allowing myself to be triggered by them, thus, I commit myself to accept my reactions to tonalities as a gifts that are showing me back to myself, as another experience/memory/personality I must clear and free myself from, so that I can walk stable and be equal to/as myself in every breath, here

I commit myself to, when I see myself defining someone as authoritative, to stop myself and breathe, to realize I am communicating with a being who is equal to/as me, and thus to stop myself from accepting myself as less than, I am being, living and walking and eating and shitting and am unconditionally equal to all beings, I realize that any inferiority is of the mind and is a preprogrammed design, designed in the purpose of creating energy through conflict/friction, I commit myself to when I see myself reacting to someone I have defined as authoritative to consider it as a gift for myself to see myself as I walk myself back here, out of the mind as energy and into the physical, within/as breath

I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself interpreting someone's tonality as being attacking, within realizing that attack is of separation of the mind and thus any participation/acceptance of/within accepting attack is supporting the mind, and within that allowing the continued enslavement of myself and all of existence, thus I commit myself to when reacting towards the belief that I am being attacked, to stop and breathe, to bring myself back here to the physical and consider what is here as life, as what is being said in fact and what are the practical implications of it, and not allow myself to go into my mind as energy, within realizing that participation with the mind has only ever created suffering through separation, instead of support as what is best for all life

I commit myself to investigate my relationship with my name, as I realize that I have attached to it meanings, interpretations and energetic reactions, throughout the years, due to past experiences, through hearing my name repeated over and over in specific tonalities while experiencing specific energetic experiences, and thus have connected and "appropriate" reaction to every specific tonality, I commit myself within this to free myself from my own name through a process of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements, until it is done

I commit myself to investigate myself as who I am within impatience as I see it is a point that has many layers and I have allowed it to direct me, thus within this, I commit myself to, as I walk the point of impatience and clear it up for myself within writing, self forgiveness, and corrective statement, when/as I see myself participate/react from/towards/within impatience, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself beck here into my physical body, reminding myself I only exist as one breath and can only do what can be done in one breath, thus I breathe and move, and stop the back chat as impatience or reaction towards impatience

I commit myself to, when interpreting someone being impatient with me to stop and breath, and to communicate with the other as asking them if they are impatient, and thus to not allow myself to go into back chat as reaction that build up as energy that then builds up as resentment, spitefulness and blame, within that I commit myself to considering the other person within understanding that any impatience is not actually personal "against" me, but is reflecting the there being within themselves, thus, I commit myself to focus on myself, to investigate all points of reaction towards impatience and to when interpreting someone as being impatient towards me to check myself as it is an indication that I might be impatient with myself and thus to see where can I improve/correct my application as to not accept others to react as impatience towards me

I commit myself to, when interpreting someone being impatient with me through interpreting and reacting to the tonality of their voice, to stop and breath, and to communicate with the other as asking them if they are impatient, and thus to not allow myself to go into back chat as reaction that build up as energy that then builds up as resentment, spitefulness and blame, within that I commit myself to considering the other person within understanding that any impatience is not actually personal "against" me, but is reflecting them within themselves, thus, I commit myself to focus on myself, to investigate all points of reaction towards impatience and to when interpreting someone as being impatient towards me to check myself as it is an indication that I might be impatient with myself and thus to see where can I improve/correct my application as to not expect others to react as impatience towards me through my projection of self impatience

I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath from going into defense mode when I perceive myself as being attacked through other people's expression within their tonality, instead I commit myself to within breath evaluate the situation and see if I am projecting self impatience onto the other, and thus correct my application and stop the self judgment

I realize there are many points intertwined here, and thus it will be a process that will have to be walked point by point, to entangle all connections I have allowed myself to create and live by within my mind, thus I commit myself to walk this process, one breath at a time, one step at a time, one point at a time, as each point opens and more of self is revealed and can be walked through writing, self forgiveness, corrective statements, and practical application within the physical, I commit myself to remind myself this is a process of specificity and must be walked as such

I commit myself to within walking this process of self realization and correction, to stop all self judgment as I realize that it is a construct of self abuse and self sabotage within separating myself from/as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become and to not allow myself within the judgment/shame/guild/regret to face myself as who I am, within this I realize that to be able to change myself I must look at all the points I have accepted myself to exist as, and to investigate how/why/when I have allowed these points to direct me as directive principle instead of being self directed within self honesty as life, I commit myself to walk this process to be sure I will never walk down the same path again, and I can trust myself to stand in support of all life as one and equal

 

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Desteni

Desteni Wiki

Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

Journey to Life Group

Eqafe Life Products - Self Help

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to LIfe

Earth's Journey to Life

Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness

Continuing from my previous blog: Day 51 – Blame character – Part 1

Here I will walk the point, within the blame character, of reacting to the another person's tonality within believing I am being attacked by them through how they express themselves to me

I have noticed that I have the perception of being attacked through the tonality in another's voice where I perceive them to be criticizing me, impatient with me and an authority over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to interpret a tonality within someone's expression as an attack, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can be attacked with words, not realizing that words have no direct physical influence unless I accept and allow myself to react to them within myself, within/as my mind, and only through my acceptance/participation I let them have an actual physical influence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself that I am being attacked when being spoken to in a specific tonality due to past experiences/memories/interpretations, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within/as the past as not being here within breath, not being the directive principle because I am allowing tonality to dictate how I react/behave, instead of directing myself within as breath, within the physical practical reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define some people as authoritative according to the tonality of their voice, as when they speak with a stable sounding voice, when they sound sure of themselves, and express themselves within confidence of what they are saying, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as less than “authority”, from a perspective of not being confident in what I say, not being sure of myself, and thus if someone else is confident they must know, and I don't, so they are authority and I am less. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define someone as more than me, as an authority, due to the tonality of their voice, and within that create a whole personality in relation to them as being less than them, and thus allowing myself to go into inferiority

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to a specific tonality that I interpret at attacking when the other's voice is expressed in a harsh, cut off, sharp edges way, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea in my mind that being spoken to in a harsh, cut off, sharp edges way is defined as being attacked and I haven't allowed myself to consider within this idea the other being, within considering that wither they are intending to attack or not, is based on mind made ideas within their mind, and thus within reacting to tonality as believing a harsh, cut off, sharp edges tonality is indication of attack I am in fact validating the mind and abdicating my free choice as a living being to breathe and be here within/as the moment and simply hear what is being said, and within that, not allowing myself to respond within common sense practicality taking into consideration life as a whole within considering both/all beings that are participating in the situation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself react to the tonality of someone's voice when speaking my name, where I interpret the sound/tonality of my name as a preparation for an attack if it is spoken in a specific way, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to what someone is saying to me before they even say anything and just called out my name, because I interpret the way they call my name as a preparation for being attacked by them, within this I forgive myself for accepting within/as myself the idea of being attacked and thus before the being even speaks I am already in defense mode creating back chat in my mind and building up energy within myself to have armor against the attack, all based on the tonality of how they say my name, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that within anticipating the idea of being attacked I am already within myself creating the situation of being attacked, and thus the other being when communicating with me will "feel the vibe" and will in turn attack me because I sent off a signal that I am prepared for it, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the other for attacking me when in fact I have in a way requested it through my anticipation of being attacked

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to interpret someone's tonality as being impatient, and to thus go into reaction within fear of having someone express impatient towards me, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear/resist having someone respond to me within impatience because I have allowed myself to define myself accordingly within the belief system I have placed on my definition of impatience, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when someone is impatient with me to take it personally and believe it defines me as slow/boring/stupid/a nuisance/a disturbance, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within believing myself to be slow/stupid/boring… within believing the other has responded to me within impatience, to react within fear of being rejected, because I have created a net of beliefs within/as me and I have believed them to define me and the world we live in as reality, and within the beliefs I have created within/as myself I have allowed myself to judge myself and others for being slow/boring/a nuisance… and to define that as bad and unacceptable and thus to reject myself and others within presenting those characters, thus i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when I interpret someone as being impatient towards me through the interpretation i have giving the tonality of their voice, I react within fear of being rejected

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when interpreting people's expression as being impatient with me and/or criticizing me through their tonality of their words, to then interpret that as if I am being attacked within accepting a set of beliefs/ideas/opinions that I have created within/as myself, as how I see the world and how I have concluded that people should be/behave, and thus when I perceive people to be impatient towards me, I conclude that I am being/acting/behaving within the forbidden/unacceptable behaviors as defined through the set of beliefs/ideas I have accepted to be real, and within that, their criticism must be a consequence of who I am as I how have behaved within that which is unacceptable, and thus it must be a sign for soon being rejected. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as fear of being rejected due to believing that I must be accepted by others to live, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself as my self-expression in order to fit in and to please others as doing what it takes to be accepted, because I have allowed myself to believe that only within being accepted by other will I be able to survive, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to firstly accept myself and to realize that within actual self acceptance I can start building self intimacy, and within self acceptance/intimacy to not require others to validate me, as I am here as breath, as self, as life.

 

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Desteni

Desteni Wiki

Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

Journey to Life Group

Eqafe Life Products - Self Help

Creation's Journey to Life

Heaven's Journey to LIfe

Earth's Journey to Life

Day 51 – Blame character – Part 1

 

I am working with the blame character within and as myself where I am looking at one dimension of blame where within my environment an event occurs where I am corrected / feel inferior / ….and through my experience of this I would react in anger, feel animosity towards the other person blaming them for how I experience myself.

So, within this character I see there are three steps to the creation of the blame character:

1. I take a response from someone in my environment personally
2. Within taking it personally I react to the other person negatively where I create an emotional body that reacts to the response from the other person
3. I then become the blame character – blaming the other person for my experience

I will start from the end to unfold the pattern:

Why do I blame?

I blame as a way of abdicating self responsibility, stating to myself that others are responsible for how I experience myself. It is a form of self diminishment within believing myself to be a victim to others and dependent on others within believing they have control over me as my experience of myself

Why do I experience a negative energetic experience?

Based on memories/ideas/interpretations that I have created and accepted in the past, as I have connected the dots between my experiences creating a belief system of how things should be, how people should be, how I should be. Within this I have learned to use positive/negative energetic experiences to get what I want within self interest, to justify myself and to protect my personality/beliefs. So going into negative energetic experience is a point of not having the situation aligned with my expectations of it within self interest, simply not how I want it do be within the ideas I have created, and through feeling bad about it I justify to myself that I am right within the idea.

Why do I take things personally?

I feel attacked, the idea I have of myself is attacked, things are being said that are not aligned with my belief system, with the personality I want to have presented, there is a clash and I go into defense mode as a form of survival, like becoming alert and having to defend myself, my persona.

I have noticed that I have the perception of being attacked through the tonality in another's voice where I perceive them to be criticizing me, impatient with me and an authority over me. If I perceive myself to be attacked often and repeatedly I experience a form of desensitizing, like a form of coping mechanism where I zone out and ignore/suppress the reactions within me, another point within perceiving myself to being repeatedly attract I lose my perception of what is important, like there is no big and small scale, it all becomes with the same intensity.

Within the perceiving myself as being attacked I allow myself to feel enslaved where I lose all self trust, and accept myself as enslaved to the situation and my experience within it, like I am trapped within it.

Through out this point I recognize that I have a desire to be seen in a specific "light", while within the point of experiencing myself as I'm being attacked I feel like I am not seen as I desire to be seen and there is a fear within that as to how others will see me as

So, in a way my definition of self is challenged, I recognize the misalignment with my self definition and what is being said to me that I have reacted to, and I evaluate it to being negative according to my belief system based on past experiences/memories/interpretation, then I react within a negative energetic experience, and instead of realizing that I am doing all of this to myself through accepting blindly my belief system and my definition of myself, I go into blame within believing the whole experience to be real and my beliefs to be valid, and thus I blame the other for creating this situation as what I am experiencing within/as myself, through their expression.

Within the blogs to come I will open up this point further

Day 24 – Cleaning table tops

Today, as everyday here at the desteni farm; we start off with some basic cleaning to have a nice environment to be in.

I was asked to clean the table tops, and when I was done we would look at the point and go over it with the rest of the group so everyone will be on the same page so to speak in regards to cleaning the table tops.

I was very happy about my task, it seemed easy enough, and I went on doing it, thinking to myself "I am so good at cleaning table tops" "I'll be the best at cleaning table tops" – why the hell did those thought come up? What are they showing me about myself?

So, after cleaning, we had a talk and apparently "table tops" is a not the accurate word for the task, in fact what needs to be cleaned is everything in the area that has a top, shelves, appliances, chairs, basically anything with a top that can get dusty.

Then my back chat was "oh shit, I didn't do a good job, I didn't clean all of that, I just did the table tops" and "oh shit, it's a big task to clean all of that".

So basically I went from superiority to inferiority in regards to the "table top" cleaning task. I see within this a point of comparison to others, competition, trying to be best at, wanting to define myself as good and better than others, on the other hand inferior to cleaning is a construct I am well familiar with, within believing I am not good at cleaning, and thus when the table top task grew I went into a fear/worry/inferiority of will I be able to handle it and do it well. Within this whole point I see that I desire to please the people here, I want them to see I am good and capable, I want to be accepted. Another point is my resistance of being a beginner, I mean, I judged myself for not knowing exactly how to clean while it was my first time and still no one had told me how it's done, and even now that I know, I might have a  learning scale of first struggling and then getting the hang of it after applying the task for a bit, yet, the experience is that I should know now and be able to do everything now, not realizing the actual physical process one must walk to learn a task and get comfortable within it.

In regards to cleaning, I have always been separating myself from cleaning and because of not wanting to see myself as a beginner and actually take the time to learn the task I used not knowing how to clean as my excuse to remain inferior to cleaning and excuse myself from doing a good job because "I don't know how to clean, since I never learnt"

Self-Forgiveness on my relationship with cleaning

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the task of cleaning through defining myself as not capable of cleaning, and thus instead of allowing myself to learn it as one would learn any task, I have hidden behind the self-belief of not being capable to do it within believing it isn't in my ability to learn.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am not capable of cleaning well, and in order to maintain this self-belief I have never allowed myself to go through the practical steps of learning to clean effectively and thus creating a reoccurring experience of not knowing how/what to do when faced with the task of cleaning, instead of once and for all taking responsibility for this point within realizing I am not inferior to cleaning and allowing myself to learn the task of cleaning within realizing that it will take time and practice until I am comfortable within it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mother for not showing me how to clean by example and thus using her as an excuse and self-justification as to why I do not know how to clean, instead of standing within the self-responsibility and teaching myself the task once I realized knowing how to clean is an effective and practical tool and ability to have in this world as having a clean and comfortable environment is a point of self-support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define cleaning as hard, boring and unpleasant and thus be comfortable within the self-belief of not knowing how to clean because I have used it as an excuse to get out of doing the dirty work in regards to cleaning, not realizing that without investigating the task of cleaning for myself, I have defined it as hard and unpleasant through the eyes/experiences/expressions of others and thus allowed myself to be directed in this world through the experience and perspectives of others instead of allowing myself to live the task as myself and for myself regardless of what it seems to be in the eye of others, and finding out for myself what it really is in fact.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use the idea of cleaning not being a pleasant task as an excuse to not want to do it, not realizing that the cleaning is an act of self support and isn't done for mere entertainment, and thus regardless of whether I find the task to be enjoyable or not I need to decide for myself within self-direction within self-honesty if I am required to clean or not, within realizing it has nothing to do with the enjoinment I would get out of the task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only want to participate in tasks that I find enjoyable, even though within taking self-responsibility within self-honesty I realize that some tasks require to be done regardless of their level of enjoyment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to enjoy cleaning within the idea that it is an unpleasant task, not realizing that any task would be pleasant or not only dependent on who I am within doing it, and thus it is up to me to enjoy myself within and as any task regardless of the task at hand.

Self-Commitment Statements

I commit myself to investigating the self-beliefs I have allowed myself to live and exist as within realizing that any self-belief is of the mind and is a point of accepted limitation, thus, within this I commit myself to allow myself to expand myself within my application through learning new tasks that come my way, not allowing myself to believe the thoughts in my mind telling me I am incapable of doing it, but rather look at it from a practical physical perspective of whether or not I am really capable and able to do the task at hand.

I commit myself to go through the practical steps of learning the task of cleaning within realizing that learning any task takes time and practice and thus I commit to not judge myself within the process of learning how to clean and allow myself to be humble within the learning experience and allow myself to ask those around me and look at their application as I learn and teach myself any new task.

I commit myself to take full responsibility for myself and stopping any blame towards my mother in regards to her not teaching me well enough, I realize that blaming her is a construct I have created within/as myself to not take responsibility for the task at hand, and within that I realize that by stating she should have taught me I am actually implying that I do in fact have the ability to learn and thus, instead of living in the past within the idea that I should have learnt it as a child through watching my mother I commit to learn it now as an adult and stopping the blame within breath as I realize it is a manipulation to not take self-responsibility.

I commit myself to investigating cleaning for/as myself within finding out for myself who I am within the task of cleaning and allowing myself to break through the idea that cleaning is unpleasant through realizing that it is what I make of it through who I am within it, thus I commit myself to stopping myself as the beliefs and ideas I have collected from my environment and to find out for/as myself who I am within it, and through this to change myself accordingly to become an effective and self-supportive and self-responsible human being.

I commit myself to stop myself within/as the excuse of not wanting to do something because of the idea/belief it isn't a pleasant/enjoyable task, and instead to apply myself within practicality and do what needs to be as what is best for all, within this I commit myself to investigating the idea/belief of a task being unpleasant and allow myself to change myself within the task as I realize that my experience of a task is up to me and who I am within applying myself and is not actually dependent on the task at hand

  

In my next blogs I will investigate some more points that came up within the "table top" scenario