Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Monday, September 8, 2014
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talk about the things I want to do instead of actually doing them
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to talk about thing I want to do as if I am
planning to do them when in fact I am talking about them as a way to express to
others my direction without having to ever go there
I forgive myself for
not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the more I talk about a point
I want to do / accomplish the less likely I am to actually do it, because if I
were to do it I would just fucking do it
I forgive myself for
not accepting and allowing myself to realize that talking about a point is
avoidance of actually walking the point
I forgive myself for
not accepting and allowing myself to realize that talking about a point from
the starting point of making myself look as if I am walking the point or am
about to walk it is self dishonesty, as separating myself into two beings, the
one who talks as if I will do or am doing something, and the one who is
existing in avoidance and isn't actually doing it, thus being split between my
words and my deeds.
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to create a loop for myself where I see and
realize that I am trapped in an endless cycle of talking about a point and not
walking it but at the same time still believing myself to be actually trapped,
not realizing that I can simply stop the cycle in one decision, in one breath
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to create a cycle for myself where I am already
sick and tired of hearing myself speak about the things I want to do, such as
to support myself in writing, and then as I see myself not do it to judge myself
and add self hatred to the situation, instead of simply seeing myself in the
loop and make a deliberate decision in that moment to take immediate action and
to for example sit down to write
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to create such a big deal out of sitting down and
writing where I have become so intimidated of writing that it really seems like
a huge point to tackle, when in fact I have been writing since the first grade,
and it is not in fact a big huge task, but rather one that I simply must direct
myself to do, and once I start doing it each time I realize that not only is it
not as hard / scary as I feared, but in most cases I rather end up enjoying
myself.
I forgive myself for
not accepting and allowing myself to remind myself that I do in fact enjoy
writing and that many things that I tend to avoid and feel like I have to fight
with myself in order to do are things that once I allow myself to get started I
actually enjoy them.
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to re-live the pattern/memory from my childhood
where my parents would urge me to go into the bath and I would fight them not
to but once I was in I would love it so much that I wouldn't want to get out
I forgive myself for
not accepting and allowing myself to learn from the memory above but instead to
re-live it as to be frozen in time within it, instead of evolving / growing
from it
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to spend so much of my time and energy in trying
to avoid doing the things I really want to do, instead of just fucking doing it
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to fill up my time with complaining about not
wanting to do the things I actually on a deeper level want to do, or
complaining about not doing the things I say I want to do, instead of just
fucking doing them
I forgive myself for
not accepting and allowing myself to establish a clear starting point within
myself as to why I want to do the things I say I want to do
I forgive myself for
not accepting and allowing myself to realize that without a clear starting
point it is no surprise that it has been hard for me to stay dedicated to a
decision that I am unclear about what it stands for and who I am within it.
I commit myself to
find and define within myself a clear starting point, to investigate what that
even means to me, to create from within myself the definition of why am I
walking and where am I going.
I also commit myself
to write daily, even if just one sentence of self forgiveness or one point of
realization, I commit to write out a self directed supportive statement /
paragraph / blog each day. Within this, I commit myself, if resistance to
writing still comes up, to write about the resistance and not allow myself to
be directed by it, but rather to take it as a point of self discovery and
exploration, and at the very least, as something to write about.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
I've been walking around this point for a long time, having the tools to support myself but not applying them, knowing exactly what I must do to help myself to step out of my own mind set of limitation and self despise, and support myself to walk here, with, as and for myself, in stability.
I've known these tools for years, and have been resisting applying them, thus resisting supporting myself, depriving myself of the support, it's like if I were a doctor and saw someone gasping for air and would deprive them of the support that I know I can give them and I can see how much they need - depriving self of the support self requires to stand up in stability it's self abuse, it's self hatred, it's self neglect - it's not acceptable and cannot be justified - and must be stopped.
Within myself I knew this all along, and thus, this knowing yet not applying, created inner conflict as knowing what I must do for myself and yet not doing it and so, instead of applying the tools of self support I have turned to self judgment and more self loathing as a form of punishment instead of simply becoming aware of myself not supporting myself and changing myself to live the self support I know I require - within this, I see that not supporting myself results in even greater problems, where, now, it's not just that I am depriving myself the support - in addition to depriving myself the support I am aware of what I'm doing and am hating myself for not supporting myself - so this one act of depriving myself the support I require and as a result judging myself for it, has a double impact of self abuse - and so, within not supporting myself I am playing straight into the mind's hands, as, by not supporting myself, I am creating more back chat, more judgment, and more energy thus increasing the problem that much more, instead of simply taking the physical actions of supporting myself to decrease the problem, and eventually to eliminate it. Which one must ask oneself - why am I not willing to do what is necessary to eliminate the problem? And the answer that follows is that one has not made a clear decision to change - and so, as long as I fear changing, as long as I fear losing myself more than what I actually have to lose by not changing - I will never change - and so, one must ask oneself, why do I fear changing? What have I got to lose? And the answer that follows is clearly nothing - I have nothing to lose but my self definition / belief / idea as who I am within the accepted limitation of who I am - which is such an odd thing, because that which I want to change within myself is that which I fear losing!?!?!?!?
So, what will it take for me to support myself? What must happen?
This point opened up today as I was faced with the physical reality of what would the consequences be if I do not start supporting myself, I experienced a breakdown over the smallest thing , and obviously, if I breakdown over the small stuff, one can only imagine how would I react to big problems / issues / decisions I may face - I experienced myself in such emotional instability that I couldn't decide the smallest decisions - so obviously I am not living as effectively as I can if I were to support myself to self realize, and stabilize myself - so I can see the level of instability I can easily reach over the little things, I can see the physical consequences of what's at stake and what I can lose, I can see the state of constant self disappointment for knowing I am not embracing myself, not supporting myself to become the best that I can be - I see all this, and I know I have the power and ability to give myself exactly what I need, to walk the process of self forgiveness to letting go of all of these self sabotaging patterns and rebirth myself as a being that is self supportive and trust worthy - so what am I waiting for?
So, here I am , starting over, committing myself to support myself or else - or else I will deem myself to feel miserable forever, deem myself to be unstable, deem myself to self judgment, deem myself to failure, deem myself to loneliness - I can either support myself to live here within breath in every moment, or I can kill myself a slow and painful death as I walk as the shadow of myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself daily, even though I knew within myself that this support is vital for my well being, and thus I have deliberately deprived myself of the required support I knew I needed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deprive myself of self support as writing myself to freedom, applying self forgiveness and self corrective statements, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of depriving myself of such support, or actually, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to excuse myself from supporting myself within playing the ignorant card, as within the excuse that I don't see , realize and understand the value of applying these tools, but in fact I do know the value, and that is why I have experience such inner conflict as I was trying to wake myself up to see that which I have been trying to ignore
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not push through the distractions as resistance to writing within the habit of having everything come easy, or not doing anything if it involves effort
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as someone that doesn't push through effort, and thus I have limited myself to only participate with that which is easy and not challenging, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see how limiting this is and how I have deprived myself from expanding and growing within learning and pursuing new aspects that were not in my preprogrammed and automated path
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself and accept my own self created limitation, instead of allowing myself to see the value of pushing through and proving to myself that I am limitless and can in fact do anything and learn anything as long as I am willing to walk the physical steps in practical application
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create ideas about some things / chores / activities and define them as hard, and thus, to build up a resistance towards them, instead of simply walking in breath, the physical practical steps that are required to be walked to accomplish the specific point
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of fear towards such activities / responsibilities / chores, that I have not yet learned to do and thus within believing the idea I have in regards to them prevent myself from even trying to walk through them in fear - instead of letting go all ideas and simply walking the point practically in physical steps, within breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have lived like this al my life, and thus to have lost many opportunities I had because I feared pursuing them in believing an idea, instead of walking through life in breath, in physical reality, in finding solutions to any problems that come along instead of antisipating problems and within fear going the other way
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to walk here in breath, and thus, not trust myself to solve any problems that comes along, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to try to guess possible problems in anticipation and anxiety and thus to exist in my mind instead of here in reality where I can practically prepare myself to over come any obstacle.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
This is a continuation of my previous blogs: 
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
Day 182 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self forgiveness
Day 183 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self Commitments
Day 184 – Self Belief – “I am not Dedicated” – Further Investigation
Day 185 – Self Belief – “I am not Dedicated” – Waking Myself Up
And specifically a direct follow up to my previous blogs
Day 186 – Self Belief – “I’m not a Hard Worker”
Day 187 – Self Belief – “I’m not a Hard Worker” – Part 2
Day 188 – “I’m not a Hard Worker” – Part 3 - Self Forgiveness
if you haven’t already, please read them for further context.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am not and incapable of being a hard worker within defining it specifically as physical labor, within a deliberate attempt to separate myself from the term of being a hard worker as a form of self sabotage and within this to justify the separation within associating being a hard worker to inferiority as related only to blue collar jobs thus allowing myself to overlook the physical and practical values of being a hard worker
Seeing this now I realize I must redefine being a hard worker in such a way that I can live as the expression of / as myself, to stop existing in separation from the term and thus to stop sabotaging myself through living out the expression of not being a hard worker, to then as a result feel bad and inadequate for living out the belief of not being able and capable to be a hard worker – I see, realize and understand that as long as I allow myself to exist in separation from / as the term as being a hard worker, I will not allow myself to experience myself as self worth, because I have been giving value to being a hard worker but am not allowing myself to live it as the expression of myself, and thus deny myself the opportunity of being one with the expression of the value I have given being a hard worker, within this, I see realize and understand that to ease the sense of inadequacy within aligning myself within and as the social construct, I have allowed myself to separate myself further from being a hard worker through judging those who do hard physical labor as inferior socially, within this, creating a situation for myself that I have no interest of changing, because within this judgment it is ok for me to not be a hard worker, and by doing so I am placing myself as superior socially – not allowing myself to see the absurdity of experiencing myself superior by not doing / applying a physical and practical action that is essential for the survival and existence of humanity in this physical reality.
When sounding the words “hard worker”, what stands out is “Heart worker” as putting my heart into what I am doing, into the work I am participating with – it’s really interesting that this should come up because in a way it sums up the effective and supportive aspects of being a hard worker, and removes the judgment and separation.
Putting my heart into the work I do would refer to being here, breathing, being in and one with the physical as the physical action and application I am busy with –within that, in no way being in the mind as not allowing self to participate in back chat, judgment, manipulation, or any form of energetic mind component – living the expression of being a hard worker, as a heart worker, to simply do what needs to be done within the specific task / job at hand - putting my heart into what I am doing, totally putting myself in what I am doing, being one with what I do.
I have never really taken a moment to look at the function of the heart and see how can I learn from it, as to learn from the heart’s expression to apply such expression as myself, within this, in relation to the point of being a hard worker, as a heart worker, as putting ones heart into whatever it is one does – in looking at the heart what I see is that the heart functions in the physical, as it is the physical engine of the physical body, and thus is responsible not only for itself but for the entire body, it consistently works beat by beat, as a physical rhythm, and it must be here in every moment, doing it’s job, nothing more and nothing less, in order to support the entire body with nutrients and oxygen. The heart does not see itself superior or inferior to the task it is doing as pumping blood around the body, and if it would create inner conflict or go into self interest, the entire body will suffer the consequences…
Thus, living the expression of a hard worker, as a heart worker is to be humble, and to do what needs to be done within the best interest of all, it is to stop the mind and not allow any judgments, justifications, excuses, beliefs or back chat to exist and direct self within doing the task / job - doing so within realizing that if one is busy in one’s mind, one cannot be busy doing one’s responsibility in the best possible way, and the consequences of one’s actions will affect all, and not only self, because of the interconnectedness of it all.
Within redefining “heard worker” as doing a task and putting myself / my heart into it, and not allowing myself to fall into the traps of the mind, as back chat, judgments, justifications, excuses, manipulation ext. I can see that it is a matter of decision, and not a predetermined personality trait that I can do nothing about, that I am separate from – this is a decision, to be here with what I am doing, to be responsible for what I am busy with and do it completely.
Anyone can do this, but within this I realize that I have lived all my life avoiding this point, creating and living according to resistance and so I realize I have created this as a pattern and to change myself within it I must push myself through the resistance that up until now I have allowed to direct me.
So, when and as I see myself applying myself half hearted, as not putting myself into it, and instead being in my mind, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here to the physical in breath, I restate to myself who I am: “I am here, I take responsibility to do this task, and I stand by my responsibility” and then, I breathe in stability to make sure I stop my thoughts / back chat / mind, and do the task.
When and as the thought / self belief that I am not and incapable of being a hard worker come up, I stop myself and breathe, I do not allow myself to entertain such thoughts / self beliefs as I have seen and realized that they are self sabotaging by nature and have no physical ground, thus, I realize that by participating with them I give them power over me, while by not participating within them, they will dissipate into thin air, and I will remain here, as directive principle. And so, I commit myself to stop myself in breath from participating in any thoughts or self beliefs in the nature of believing myself to not being a hard worker, instead I restate to myself that I am here, and being a hard worker is a matter of decision that anyone can make at any moment, and within this I make the decision in that very moment as to what would be best for all as self support, and I apply it effectively
When and as I experience resistance to continue a task, I stop and breathe, I slow myself down, I remind myself the reward of application is a natural sense of worth, and so, I remind myself the value of applying myself here in the physical, as it is what is best for me, and within supporting myself, is actually best for all.
I realize that in order to live the expression of self worth in every breath I must start living as self worth, to fake it till I make it, and thus, to put my heart into that which I have decided to do is an application of self worth within living the expression of equality as I am equal to the task I am doing, within this, I see that by not putting my heart / myself in what I am doing I am stating to myself that I am not worthy of the task as I am not applying it within equality, and thus, but not being totally in what I am doing, I am a living the expression of unworthiness and so become it, and so it is obvious that ot would be much more supportive for myself to actually walk through the resistance and back chat, to stop my participation within / as the mind, and become a heart worker, as I teach myself to slowly but surely do everything is do as the totality of myself, as I put myself / my heart into it, and just do it.
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Tuesday, February 12, 2013
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog Day 155 - Desperation - How will the world ever change?, where I express my desperation towards the condition of the world and blame others for creating it, while not taking responsibility and realizing my part in creating the world as it is - in the following blogs I will be walking in self forgiveness the points that had opened up through writing the previous blog, as my first step of actually taking self responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid expressing myself completely and totally within a fear of receiving hatful comments from people who disagree or disapprove what I stand for and express
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express myself in such a way that isn't 100% straight forward but rather goes around the point indirectly in order to avoid the chance of being targeted for hate speech
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself within compromising my self expression due to fear of being judge and crucified for what I have to say and stand for
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to state my point directly due to fear of being exposed as a fraud, as someone that speaks the talk but doesn't walk the walk, within judging myself that how can I speak that which I still don't 100% live as myself, not realizing that it's a process and part of the process is speaking the words that will support me in living the words, as through speaking / writing the words that I am directing myself to live, I am showing myself the way, and thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk my process for and as myself, due to the fear of being judged, instead of standing up within and as myself and supporting myself through writing that which I am directing myself to live, until I will become it in fact as a living expression of / as myself, until I am one with the words I speak, as the living word as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged / mocked / crucified by people who don't like what I have to say, or fear / resist the message that I am sharing, within this not realizing that I am allowing myself to be directed by the fear / resistance / judgment of others instead of being self directed and walking myself in self honesty, within allowing myself to be strong and stable within myself and express myself as how I want to be, and not how I believe I am within the self limitation I have created for myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as overwhelmed by the hatred I see in the comments people place on posts, and within this to allow the experience of being overwhelmed to direct me, instead of standing within and as myself and directing myself to walk within the principle of what is best for all life in equality, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to contradict myself as I speak words of equality yet allow myself to be directed by the experience of fear / overwhelmingness, thus allowing myself to be inferior to such experiences, and thus to live as unequal, instead of pushing myself to equalize myself within myself and not participate in any form of inferiority as to prove to myself that inferiority of any kind is a fiction of the mind, existing only through our / my participation, and thus I realize that only through physically stopping myself form participating in any form of inequality / inferiority / superiority and pushing myself to stand within and as myself in self honesty, will inequality stand a chance to stop, but as long as I participate in it I am creating it and recreating it over and over within / as myself and thus am birthing inequality, instead of stopping and standing as life, and rebirthing myself as life from the physical, in equality and oneness as what is best for all life.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself in breathing, as keeping myself here and stable within breathe when / as I face hate speech towards myself or towards others, within this, I commit myself to stop any reaction within / as the moment and to breathe until I am stable, and within stability to speak up and express myself in self honesty and common sense, to prove to myself that I can do it, that I can walk through the fear, thus proving to myself that the fear isn’t real, as it isn't physical and thus can be transcended within a breath
I realize that by suppressing myself in avoiding confrontation in fear of being judged / crucified, I am not only compromising myself, but am compromising anyone I interact with, as I am not standing as the living example as what is best for all, but am allowing myself to be directed by my fears within self interest - I realize that any change must begin with me, and thus, I commit myself to walk this point through pushing myself to comment / speak up in self honesty as what is best for all, as I commit myself to show practical common sense so all have the opportunity to see, and for me to have the opportunity to integrate it as myself, as through writing / speaking it I am supporting myself in becoming it, thus, I commit myself to support myself and others as myself in not accepting anything less than who I am, as becoming and living the example of the principle of which I speak of, a principle of equality and oneness, as bringing about a world that is best for all life
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Wednesday, January 23, 2013
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become frustrated when seeing who won the election, because he doesn't stand for what I stand for, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that everything around me is reflecting myself back at me and giving me an opportunity to see myself in self honesty - thus I realize through this that it's not about what I stand for as an idea and ideology, but rather what I stand as, it's about actually living the change as myself, living the principles is stand for as a living expression of and as myself, and thus, within realizing this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the mind as the emotions of frustration, as within frustration I express myself more sharply and aggressively and thus, through allowing myself to participate within and as the mind I am not living that which is stand for, as the principle of equality in supporting all life equally as what is best for all, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the mind, instead of directing myself in every moment as the living expression of that which I stand for, within standing as it.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize that as I stand for an idea and ideology I am existing within and as separation, which contradicts that which I claim to stand for, thus, I realize that to be equal and one within and as myself I must let go all ideas and ideologies as standing for them in separation, and committing myself to live them as living words and align myself to stand as them, as the self expression of and as myself in every moment, within this I realize that allowing the emotions of frustration / anger / powerlessness to exist within me and thus to direct me is not in alignment with the principle of living one and equal with the principle of what is best for all, because as I allow myself to participate with and exist within emotions and feelings I am separating myself from myself as not being the directive principle of and as myself, as well as I am harming myself as my physical body by allowing these energies to exist within me as they derive their power from consuming the physical (where else will they resource their energy from?) thus, when and as I see myself going into emotions and feelings based on fighting for my ideology I stop myself and breathe, I realize that going into emotions and feelings contradict that which I stand for, thus, I commit myself to dedicate myself to becoming the living expression of equality and oneness as what is best for all, within realizing that I first must become one and equal within and as myself, thus, I commit myself to breathe, and stop my participation within and as the mind.
When and as I see myself going into the mind in emotions, feelings, thoughts, imaginations, ideas, ideologies, I stop myself and breathe, I say NO! within myself, within assertiveness and steadfastness, as being discipline with a child, within this I realize that there are no magic tricks, and this process will take time and self discipline, thus I commit myself to walk this process within realizing it is a process, thus walking it within discipline yet softness, as to not be hard on myself as self judgment, but rather to support myself in becoming assertive and discipline
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect the politicians to be able to change and correct the abuse / suffering / atrocities that have been going on in our country / world, within this I see that I have not realized that politicians are ordinary people, that like myself and all others, they too are still motivated and directed by their minds, and thus, no matter what they say or present as their agenda and goals, "who they are" is based in self interest as fear and greed, and thus, they cannot be trusted, within this I realize that my expectation of politicians to bring about a change is ludicrous because they can only create that which they are, and thus, as long as they are of the mind, as we all still are, they cannot create a world that is best for all - within this I forgive myself for not seeing and realizing that within expecting politicians to fix / save the world / country I have been abdicating my own self responsibility as if to say "they will do it, so I don't have to do it myself", not seeing that within this I am disempowering myself, and allowing myself too to be directed by fear, instead of allowing myself to see reality as it is, and to realize that the only change I can expect to see will be the change that I bring about as myself, as I stand as self change, as I stand as equality, as I take responsibility within realizing what needs to be done and doing it
When and as I see myself going into the pattern of expecting others to do / save / fix /change instead of standing up myself, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here and look at what can I do here, within my radios of influence, what solution can I bring about here, and thus I commit myself to walk myself as self change solution after solution as I grow and expand my radios of influence, as I start with myself as changing and correcting myself and within learning through personal experience about change and correction I can then support others in which ever form I see fit in the moment, I realize that trying to fix the world today is impossible and only creates overwhelmingness within myself, and a separation between me and the world "out there" which I cannot change, thus, within realizing that all is reflecting me back to myself as support, every and any problem I see out there, I commit myself to find it within myself and change / correct myself in alignment with equality and oneness as living the example of the principle of what is best for all life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and hope that changing the government will create a worthy change in the country / world while not realizing that by hoping that they, as the government, will bring about a worthy change, I am abdicating my self responsibility and giving away my power to others, thus not living in dedication towards self change within the understanding that only through self change can any change come about, thus through my participation in hope I am living self as powerlessness instead of standing as myself and reclaiming my power through walking the process of self change through the tools of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements into a living application of the correction as the living expression of what is best for all life in equality and oneness, and thus, when and as I see myself going into hope that others fix / change the world, I stop myself and breathe, I see what I can practically do as a living solution here within my immediate life, and I commit myself to walk the solution
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become frustrated at the results of the election within realizing that no matter who is chosen, they are all the same as no one actually have a practical solution that take into consideration all as equals, they are all trying to fix one problem by creating another with the basic motivation of being elected more than actually caring for the interest of the people, within this I realize that by allowing myself to become frustrated I am stating to myself that I am powerless, that I am dependent on them to fix / change anything, I have given my power away for them to use as I give them my vote in hope they know what to do and do it, but they are abusing the power I have given them with greed, manipulation, corruption, thus I realize that I have been giving my power away instead of reclaiming my power and living within breath in every moment, to build self trust, to birth myself as the stability of life, to be able to slowly but surly within the stability of breath actually make a living change - firstly in my own life, then in the lives of those around me through being the living example that self change is possible, then to create a change in the system, as the equal money capitalism, working together within the power of the group, as dedicated individuals committed to life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience and participate with the experience of powerlessness in regards to the condition of the country / world, where I believe the politicians will not make any difference and we are doomed as humanity because no one is standing up within a practical common sense solution, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in powerlessness instead of dedicating myself to life, as to stand up within and as myself and change myself as how I want the world around me to change, within realizing that no one else but me can do this, and as long as I hope that someone else will do it I am not taking self responsibility and doing all that I can do, thus I realize that as long as I am spending my time thinking about what others should do but are not doing I am not at that moment doing all that I can to be the living change.
within the principle of as within so without - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away instead of standing as the power that is me, and re building myself in every breath, empowering myself to step out of the mind, that is based in self interest and thus realizing that my participation within the mind within is the same construct of all that is evil in the world because everything within my mind is driven by self interest and complete disregard of life as is the world system
I commit myself to dedicate myself to stopping my participation with the mind, I commit myself to investigating the back chat / thoughts/ emotions / feelings that come up within me and that I have allowed to direct me, within not realizing that every moment I allow myself to be directed by the mind I am giving myself as my beingness away - I have a responsibility for myself to reclaim myself as life and rebuild / regenerate myself as the beingness as who I am, I realize that to do so I must stop all participation within the mind, and return here to the physical as breath.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
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Monday, November 12, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
Day 86 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 7 - Self Forgiveness
Day 87 - Fear Dimension - Inferiority - Part 8
I've been writing about fear, and have applied self forgiveness, but I have realized that I haven't been very specific with my self commitments, and within this I realize that writing about it and forgiving myself is one part of the process, but actually pushing myself to actually physically walk through my fear, and actually physically express myself in a different way than what I am use to within my preprogrammed characters, is another part, a crucial part, because without the living application of actually changing, I am waiting my time on verbal masturbation. I realize taking the leap and actually walking through the fear is an imperative part of this process, it's not just about talking the talk, I must push myself to walk it as a living expression as who I am.
And thus, through writing self commitments one plan the way before oneself, as a guide line, preparing oneself within accepting the challenge so to speak, to actually correct oneself in the physical.
I commit myself, when I see I have made a mistake, through being corrected, to stop any reaction within myself and to breathe, to make sure I am here, stable within/as myself, then, I commit myself to look at what is being said as a gift, as a way to expand/improve/perfect myself within my application, I commit myself to stop myself within any reaction of inferiority as I realize that any reaction implies that I am going into a character I have created myself as in self interest as a survival mechanism and thus in complete disregard of what is best for all, I realize that I have been using inferiority to protect/defend myself as the character, as the self definition I have given myself, actually protecting myself as the ego, instead of allowing myself to humbly accept what is said, and within breath allow myself to correct myself and learn from what I have done, within this, as practical application, I commit myself to ask what I can do differently, to ask for help, to ask for guidance, within accepting the fact that others can help me, that others may know more and can give me guidance, I realize this has been a "difficult" point for me due to creating an idea that asking for help represents weakness and thus I wanted asking for help to be beneath me, but I see now that any justification to not ask for assistance is a mind's manipulation, and thus invalid, as we are all here together and can help/assist/support each other, and thus I commit myself to using communication and allowing myself to be humbly and ask for help.
I commit myself to investigate the cause of the mistake, to look within self honesty and allow myself to admit/face if I have cut corners or have made the mistake deliberately in any way as for instance, when I am busy participating with back chat as justifications to cut corners, or excuses why I shouldn't do this task instead of allowing myself to be here within the task I am working on, thus, I commit myself to take responsibility for any deliberate self sabotage, to not run away from myself, but to stand as myself and accept myself as all that I have done, within realizing that it isn't personal, from the perspective that it really doesn't define me, but within that I realize that now I have an opportunity to correct myself, thus I commit myself to not judge myself because I have seen it is counterproductive and actually self abusive and self sabotaging, thus, instead of judging myself I commit myself to take responsibility within breath and humbly correct myself.
When and as I see/define myself as failing, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to go into the "I have failed/am a failure" character because I realize that by going into failure I am allowing myself to live in the past instead of being here and finding a practical livable solution/correction for the situation, and thus using failure to actually give up and fail, thus I commit myself to investigate the point within looking at my starting point to see if my starting point is valid within the principle of equality as what is best for all, or was my starting point within self interest/fear/justification, thus within investigating the starting point I take responsibility for myself, and without judging myself allow myself to become my self directive principle and change my starting point and correct myself into that which stands as best for all within equality, within this I commit myself to ask for assistance if I can't find the "problem" point or if I don't find a solution/correction for the situation, within this I commit myself let go the construct of failure and instead to see it as another step in my process of self realization, self honesty and self intimacy, of which I am walking step by step, one breath at a time
When and as I see myself wanting to be right, I stop and breathe, I realize the desire to being right is indicating that I am trying to prove myself and thus am acting within self separation as I am not accepting myself and thus believe I must prove myself within knowledge/information to validate/approve/accept myself, thus I commit myself, when I see myself go into the desire of being right or proving myself, to stop talking, to breathe and within breath to bring myself back here to my physical body, and in the moment within self honesty look at what am I doing, what I am hiding from myself, what am I actually showing myself within this "trying to be right", and within this quick investigation done with support of breath at the moment, if I see any justifications come up I just stop them and push through the desire to explain/justify and simply stay quiet and breath, and if the situation is an argument, then I humbly apologize to the other party by saying: "forgive me, I am just arguing because I want to be right, forget it, can you please explain your point again, now I'm here and am listening", thus
I commit myself to hear out the other being, within realizing that no mater what is being said I can learn from them. and within this situation of going into the character of desire to be right, I commit myself to investigate the point of self definition / comparison / competition as to find the cause/reason that I am not accepting myself within, and to forgive myself for not allowing myself to accept myself unconditionally and to judge myself for the points I have found, and thus forgive myself for I have allowed myself to live in constant competition to prove myself worthy, not realizing that I have been competing with myself within allowing the polarity of right/wrong to exist within and as myself.
Within the fear of being seen as less than, and within the back chat of seeing myself as less than in relation to tasks I am given, I commit myself to stop the judgment I hold towards specific tasks wither the nature of the task or the time it takes to do it, and within this I commit myself to push myself as self directive principle to do those tasks that I have deemed as less than, to expand myself within my application, to not limit myself within the belief that some tasks are beneath me within realizing that I am separating myself from the task as myself within participating in a mind made idea/belief/judgment and thus not valid, I've seen that when I stop the back chat and allow myself to simply do it within/as breath I find that I get comfortable with the task and 'change my mind' about it, thus I have proven to myself that the ideas/beliefs/judgments I have towards tasks don't stand once I allow myself to actually do them without back chat as judgment, I see that surprisingly I even enjoy them, so I commit myself to stop myself within breath when I see myself judging any task, and thus allow myself and push myself to do any task necessary without any limitation, by pushing myself through the back chat until I am comfortable with the task
Within the fear of being used/manipulated by others within believing the fair/unfair character, I have been existing within a debt system, as calculating what I do for them and what they do for me, and calculating what I perceive everyone is doing, thus I commit myself to do things for "free", unconditionally, and to let it go the moment I finish as to not allow myself to carry around the past with me as a charged memory as debt. Thus, I commit myself to stop myself within the expectation to get anything in return, and to find situations where I can do things for others as myself to test myself within this application as not expecting/wanting anything in return, thus creating a directive situation where I am deliberately "being used" as to walk through the fear of being used within realizing that as long as I am directing myself as the living principle there is nothing to fear within realizing no one is doing anything to me, because I am directing myself in every moment
I commit myself to push myself to do what I would do as if I didn't have issues as fear, I commit myself, when making a directive decision as to what to do, to investigate the point within considering what someone, that doesn't exist within this fear, would do, and push myself to do it, I commit myself to take on my fears and walk through them, while supporting myself with writing, self forgiveness and corrective statements, to come to a point where I am no longer directed by fears and can walk here, stable within breath, in every moment and through every situation
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Thursday, October 18, 2012
continue from my previous blogs:
Day 59 - Redefining friendship
Day 60 - friendship - Part 2 - Care and Support
Day 61 - Friendship - Part 3 - Care and Support - Self Forgiveness
Day 62 - Friendship - Part 4 – Limitation
Day 63 - Friendship - Part 5 – Quality Time
I commit myself to being clear within myself as to why I want to spend time with people/friends, and within that to make sure I am self honest with myself within not deluding myself that I want to spend time with the other being while in fact I have other hidden agendas and am just using them to keep me company as I do not wish to do it alone, within this, I commit myself to stop myself from participating with such deception towards self and towards others and to be clear and direct towards myself and the other as to what I actually want, I commit myself to stop myself form participating within/as manipulation through expressing that I want something but actually using the other to get a hidden agenda, within this I commit myself to stop using and abusing the structure/platform of friendship for my own self interest and allow myself to see the other as equal to me, and thus to give as I would like to receive, and do onto the other as I would like to be done on to me, and thus I commit myself to practice and apply being direct and straight forward and not manipulate within self interest
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spend time with people as I see as my friends, in order to do something, anything, as long as it will distract me from myself as who I am, and allow me to zone out into the bubble of friendship/entertainment as we spend time together, not actually communicating or supporting each other but just spending time, really wasting our time away, within a belief that we are doing something valuable as spending time with a friend, within the social construct that spending time with friends/loved one is valuable
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to escape from myself through entertaining myself within friends, and within that using and abusing our friendship as a form of self dishonesty, using my friends to distract myself from myself and by that making them accomplices to the crime, so to speak, while presenting it as an innocent activity as spending "quality time" together, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take my friends with me down the path of self dishonesty as distracting self from self within entertainment/activities, instead of standing as self integrity and supporting myself and them as myself within building self honesty and self respect through investigating self intimacy within oneself and one's relationship with another
I commit myself, when I see myself wanting to distract myself with friends and entertainment, to stop myself and breathe, to look within self honesty at the point I am running away from, and to write it out through process of self forgiveness, to allow myself to free myself form the point at hand that I am resisting and through releasing the point to be able to actually spend time with people/friends for that reason, and not to use them as hiding from myself
I commit myself to establish effective relationships with people/friends and within that to establish effective and supportive communication, through firstly opening myself up within writing for/as myself, and then to share points of relevance with them, to be a standing/living example of walking a process of self honesty, so that they too have the opportunity to walk, and we have a chance to actually support each other into an effective/supportive relationship/friendship
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my friends as myself through only allowing us to communicate through the wall of external activity, as creating a safe zone to protect myself from the possibility of exposure, due to fear of within being exposed to be judged/rejected/ridiculed, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself due to not ever allowing myself to actually be myself and thus to know myself, and within that to fear what I might express/expose myself in an unexpected way, that isn't accepted by myself/my friend/society, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep myself safe within not exposing my true nature while not allowing myself to realize that I am protecting myself as personality/character/mind while not allowing myself to express myself and expand as life
I commit myself to apply the tool of writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective statement, to allow myself to face myself and finally see who the hell I really am, to through knowing myself within self forgiveness to stop fearing myself as the unknown and thus to allow myself to through knowing myself to direct myself to change to that which is best for all and stop all that I exist as now which results in shame and fear
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define some people as close friends and some not, within that to allow myself to expose/express myself only to those people that I trust as being "close" friends, within this I forgive myself for not accepting ad allowing myself to realize that by separating groups of friends into categories I am in fact manipulating myself to through feeling comfortable with some people to allow myself to open up to them, but not seeing the self deception within opening up only when it is convenient, within that not allowing myself to see that I am not actually exposing/expressing myself but am allowed to express my prominent character as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be different with each person, as evaluating who the person is and what they will accept and to adjust myself accordingly, thus allowing myself to exist as a split personality, within this I commit myself to stabilize myself and to remain stable here as/within breath with each person/people I interact with, thus allowing myself to actually express myself as who I actually am and not change myself according to who is around me, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to present a different me according to who I am with and not allowing myself to see the self abuse and self compromise within this, as I have given more value to being accepted by others rather than actually accepting myself
I commit myself to changing myself within all relationships to become an effective human being, to support myself and the other within self honesty, to not accept myself and anyone else as myself, as anything less than who we are as life, and thus, I commit myself to stop all my current friendship as I know them to be, and I commit myself to build new communication with my friends, communication that is based on self honesty, intimacy, and the willingness to face ourselves through the assistance and support of the other, I commit myself to use the platform of friendship for the betterment of all as equal within the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all, through starting with changing myself first within/as myself and communication as myself, so that I can prove to myself that change is possible and relationships can change and be effective and supportive, and within that to stand as a living example.
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Tuesday, October 16, 2012
continue from my previous blogs:
Day 59 - Redefining friendship
Day 60 - friendship - Part 2 - Care and Support
Day 61 - Friendship - Part 3 - Care and Support - Self Forgiveness
The idea/ideal of friendship, that I have accepted, has to do with a bond, like two people tied together, thus limiting each other, not allowing complete self expression as within any bond/tie
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowing myself to limit my friends through using emotional manipulation and ultimatums, as a way to get from them what I want or avoid what I don't want within our friendship, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take advantage of the bond we have created as our friendship and to hold them responsible for it within manipulating them not believing that if they did something that I do not accept they are in fact braking the bond between us, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use, within self interest, the fear we all share of losing our friends, and thus within self interest of getting what I want or having the situation the way I want it, to manipulate my friend into a point of fear of losing me and within that to blame them for being responsible for it if they did that which I don't want them to do
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within friendship within a fear of losing the friendship if I do/express something that isn't accepted within the friendship, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live as self expression but instead to limit myself within an act I believe would be accepted and approved by my friends in order to maintain my friendship due to fear of being alone/rejected
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, within the effort to maintain the friendship at any cost, I would not allow myself to express myself as who I really am, but instead I would try and act in certain ways, to say the right things, to be funny and entertaining, to seams caring and supportive etc.… within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a lie within myself where as on the one hand I believe my friendships to be real and authentic, and on the other hand I fear being authentic in every moment because I fear it might hurt the friendship through not passing the judging eye of my friends, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to explore myself within actual self expression within my friendship and within that to actually expect my friends to reject me if I were to express myself truly within self honest self expression in every moment, and within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the fear of being rejected, and the expectation of being rejected by my friends, is a projection of myself as not accepting myself and judging myself and not allowing myself to express myself within self honesty because I don't accept myself as worthy to be accepted as who I am, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my friends are limiting me within their judgment while all along I have been the one limiting myself, using the structure of my friendship to enslave myself within believing I am doing it for their acceptance of me while actually I have been doing it to suit my own idea of how I will be accepted, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that I am limiting myself because of the judgment of my friends, and I haven’t allowed myself to see that I am the one who I existing within/as judgment and projecting it on to them, and thus am the one responsible for the participation/existence of judgment within our friendship
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that my friends are judging me not realizing I am projecting onto them my own self judgment within not accepting myself as who I am due to past experiences/memories that I have allowed myself to accept as the definition of me as inferior to myself as life, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame them for my own accepted limitation that I have created myself as but blame them as a self manipulation to hide from myself my own self responsibility, and within blaming them due to not allowing myself to see my responsibility of my self-limitation within self honesty, to within spitefulness allow myself to limit them within the justification of "do on to them what they have done on to me" while I was the one doing it on to myself, and then on to them. Thus, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize what I have done within/as my friendships, as I have transformed the construct of friendship from the caring/supportive ideal I have created about it in my mind as an idea, to a nasty/spiteful/judgmental power game of who sais the final word within the rules and regulations of the friendship, doing whatever I can that the final word will be mine, and that it is me that calls the shots, so that I can feel powerful and in control, while not realizing that it is all an outflow of my own self rejection/diminishment, and thus the loop of polarity exposes it's head again, as I hide from myself my hidden weakness that I actually believe myself to be, and instead, disguise it as power, within having the power to do onto another that which I do onto myself within my mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as self diminishment and within that to require friends to validate me to myself and through their acceptance give myself a sense of self value, instead of allowing myself to value myself for who I am as life, within realizing that I am life in fact, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself as life, but instead to believe myself to be less than life, and less than the idea I have within my mind as who I should be or should have been, and within this self diminishment to try and hide it from myself through distracting myself with many friends, and surrounding myself with many friends, not realizing that they as well are requiring my validation to hide from themselves their lack of self acceptance, and they too require validation to find within themselves a sense of self value and worthiness, and thus instead of supporting myself as life as realizing this point, and instead of supporting them as life within realizing this point, we assist each other in hiding from ourselves through direction ourselves with our friendship and so-called acceptance while all along playing this game of acceptance to hide the truth of ourselves from ourselves
I commit myself to investigate further the point of self diminishment/judgment/acceptance, because I now see how much it is influencing/directing me within my life and interactions with others, within that I realize the abuse I have been allowing towards myself and others where the source of the abuse being my self diminishment/judgment/acceptance, thus, I commit myself to investigate this point until I am clear within myself, until I am standing within self acceptance, until I have stopped all self judgment, I commit myself to do this within a daily process, as I walk each point, step by step, opening it up, facing myself as what I have accepted and allowed as myself, and within this I commit myself to change, to stop myself from participating and accepting myself than anything less than who I am as life, I commit myself to myself as life
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself participating in limitation towards myself or others, through emotional manipulation or the belief of dependency, I realize that it doesn't make any sense to do anything if it isn't me as self expression as self as life doing it, within this I realize that I have never really lived because I have never allowed myself to express myself as who I am within self acceptance. I commit myself to find myself within all the hiding and self deception, and to stand within/as myself, and to rebirth myself as life, trough a process of writing myself as I have realized this is the tool to see/face myself, and within self forgiveness as I have realized that only through forgiving myself can I let go of who I have allowed myself to be and exist as and to change myself into a being that supports self as life and all life as equal and one, as what is best for all
I commit myself to stop myself from participating in friendships/relationships that support the mind as the characters we have defined and accepted ourselves as, I commit myself to stand in the face of conflict without fear through the support of breath, and not accepting anything less than who I am and who my friend is, as life.
I commit myself to allow myself to change, to let go the old/familiar persona I know as myself and to rediscover myself from a fresh starting point that isn't directed by fear/limitation/diminishment, but is directed by self within breath, as life.
I know this will take time, it took me years to create myself as who I am, and it will take me years to face all the points, and forgive myself for all the abusive shit I have participated in, but I realize I cannot go on like this, I cannot accumulate more point of guilt, shame and regret, I realize tat every breath that I participate within/as the mind is another breath that I am not here, thus disregarding the one thing that is truly valuable, myself, the physical, breath
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Wednesday, October 10, 2012
continue from previous blogs:
Day 51 – Blame character – Part 1
Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness
Day 53 - Blame character - Part 3 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Commitments
Day 54 - Blame Character - Part 4 - Being Repeatedly Attacked – Self Forgiveness
Day 55 - Blame Character - Part 5 - Being Repeatedly Attacked - Self Commitments
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that the blame character is in fact a protection mechanism designed to protect myself as the characters I have created myself as within/as the mind, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that within participating within/as blaming I am enslaving myself to the mind, not allowing myself to see what is actually here as the physical as life, not allowing myself to see my power within self responsibility, but only limiting myself through my participation within/as blame
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as a slave to others and thus blame them for enslaving me, while not allowing myself to see my self responsibility within my participation within/as the situation and within that to not allowing myself to see that I am enslaving myself to the other being, to the situation and to the mind, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as enslaved as an accepted way of being, instead of realizing myself as equal to the other being, the situation and the mind and within/through realizing myself as equal to stop all experience of enslavement within realizing that enslavement as an experience exist only through my participation/creation of it, and is an indication of allowing myself to exist as unequal, within that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as unequal while justifying it to myself because I see myself as the lesser party, not realizing that both sides are equally responsible for any inequality, and thus by accepting myself as the lesser/inferior I am accepting the other side of the polarity as superior/enslaver/abuser to exist within my personal experience and the world as a whole
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within an experience of enslavement, not realizing that by participating with the experience I am in fact giving my permission to remain enslaved to/as the mind, instead of stopping myself within breath, and bringing myself back to the physical, using the physical reality as a light house, lighting the way for myself back to self, as the physical as what is real, and not allow myself to be directed by the mind within/as the temptation to follow it, because I have realized that following the mind is exactly how I have enslaved myself, within the temptation to get the energetic highs and lows, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself through existing as enslavement within allowing myself to be directed by the addiction of high/low energy that I have created myself as
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prefer living as an energetic experience and by that to compromise myself as life, instead of allowing/willing myself to go through a process of withdraw, as giving up the energetic addiction generated by the mind as I participate with back chat such as blame, and through/within breath, rebirth myself as life, here, as the physical, as equal to all beings, as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing slavery to exist through my allowance of enslavement as the experience of myself within participation in the mind, thus I forgive myself to accept and allow enslavement to exist, though, to express my disapproval of slavery while still allowing myself to exist of the salve as the mind, thus
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand as a living example to stopping all enslavement through stopping the enslavement I have allowed/accepted as myself
I commit myself to live as a living example, of a being that is walking a process of self change, to not accept slavery from both within and without, as I realize that as above so below, thus I realize that as long as I participate within enslavement as myself I am giving my permission for enslavement to exist in all/any other dimensions within the world
I commit myself to walk a daily process of bringing myself back to life, through writing as a tool to expose/investigate myself, to be able to see how I have created myself within/as blame and all other characters I have defined myself as, to through writing allow myself to see the hidden constructs that I have created myself as but have allowed myself to integrate them as myself to such a degree that I have forgotten I have ever created them as myself, and thus have lost power/control over then and thus have allowed myself to become enslaved to them, I commit myself to forgive myself point by point by point for all the characters/back chat/hidden mind that I have allowed myself to exist as and through self corrective statements to draw myself a road map of how to get out of this mess that I have created, and never allow myself to recreate it again
I commit myself to when/as I see myself participating in the energetic experience of enslavement, to stop myself within breath, to remind myself that I am the creator of each and every experience I participate with and thus I am both sides of the coin, as the enslaved and the enslaver, thus I remind myself of the realization that I have the power to stop such experiences, and through breath I support myself to stop
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Saturday, June 23, 2012
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing people in my life, not realizing that by trying to hold onto them I am losing myself within not allowing myself to actually be/live/change as myself
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to restrict and limit myself as self-expression within the consideration of what others around me will think, and thus compromise myself as life within the justification/belief that I will live a better life by having these people around me, not realizing that I have given up on living and myself as life within the attempt of pleasing them within the starting point of fear of them leaving me
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to project my self-judgment onto others within the belief that I am acting in a specific way to please "them" not realizing that I have been using "them" to hide the judgment I hold towards myself, and thus manipulating myself to act in a specific way that I find acceptable through the belief that I am doing it to please "them" as if it is an external expectation forced upon me, not realizing that I am in fact creating it and participating within/as it
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exist within the fear of losing people due to not acting or being as they expect me to be, instead of realizing that these expectation have been put on by myself within my acceptance of these expectations, and thus I have created the expectation and have been forcing myself to live according to it, not once considering letting go the expectation and allowing myself to live within/as breath as life here in the moment
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear losing people and thus fear "rocking the boat" because I fear that if I change, those around me will not approve/like the change and will leave me, yet I haven't considered that living involves changing and if I limit myself due to fear of change because I don't trust others to accept me within my change I must take a look on what am I projecting upon them – and face the question why do I fear not accepting myself within changing? I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept myself unconditionally, and thus fear losing my own self-acceptance once I change within fear of making a mistake as turning in the wrong direction
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself within changing, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am here in every moment of every breath, and as long as I am self-directing myself within/as changing I am responsible and able to trust myself within self-honesty
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself and within that fear I will make a mistake and will not realize it in time to fix it, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself here as life, within every breath I am here, within making a mistake I am here, and thus within the realization that I am here nothing can change/move me
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear change within the idea that I as self as life can change, not realizing that anything that changes is the mind made persona as personality/habbits/opinions/perspectives and thus the fear of changing is the fear of the mind changing into what is best for all. I realize any fear of change is a mind made fear and not real as life as breath.
I commit myself to when finding myself participate in fear of change I stop and breathe, I return to self here as breath and act within the principle of what is best for all. I realize that I must push through the fear as it comes up in the physical reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear pushing through changes and actually acting different than what I am use to, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be directed and motivated by this fear instead of being stable and committed to act within the principle of what is best for all and not allowing myself to be influenced by the mind made fear of change, within fearing the unknown as a new behavior
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not being able to accept me within my changes while not facing the point as self, within looking at what am I not accepting within/as myself that I am hiding from myself through projecting fear of un-acceptance from others
I commit myself to turning any blame I am holding towards others back to self within allowing myself to see the points I am rejecting myself upon within specificity
I commit myself to when the fear of losing people come up to stop and breathe, to realize it is not about them not accepting me but only about self-acceptance
I commit myself to pushing through the fear of the unknown, as I push myself to change within the principle of what is best for all, taking on one point at a time, allowing myself to expand into the unknown within the realization that I am here within and as breath
I commit myself to breathe, and walk day by day, breath by breath
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