Showing posts with label be the change you want to see. Show all posts
Showing posts with label be the change you want to see. Show all posts
Monday, July 15, 2013
Follow up from last blog - last night I went to a party, I didn't know anyone and I just sat there some of the time I sat alone and I actually didn't go into anxiety about it, and I had awesome conversations with random people, took some phone numbers and might have made some connections from a practical perspective - it was cool - though I still didn't allow myself to be as free as I wanted to, so I am still walking the point, and actually while I was there I "forgot" that I had just written about this point and I didn't then apply myself practically - this point of "forgetting the point I am walking" has been coming up often - and the only explanation I have is that while I am writing my self forgiveness and opening the point up, I am not here and am not actually doing it as self support - because if I was I would "remember", but instead I write it just because I know I have to, I know I have to because it is so supportive and if I don't I will go down the rabbit hole of my mind and trap myself in it, so I do see the value of daily writing, but it is still done in separation, as a point of external consequence, like I'm doing it so the teacher will see that at least I am trying, while in fact I am not doing my best, I am not pushing as hard as I can, I am not investigating myself as self honestly as I could be - but there is no teacher watching over me and the consequences are not created by an external force but rather they are directly created by myself, and the more I write the more I see that I am causing my own suffering and discomfort, and yet, I am still struggling to get past this point and actually writing for myself and being here fully as I write, and write within the starting point of self support in fact.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write and forgive myself from a starting point of being watched by a teacher form, thus actually doing it in separation of myself as I am not doing it for myself but for external eyes watching over me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write and forgive myself within a starting point of religion, as I have placed a god like watch guard on me, as the eyes that see everything I do and will create the consequences if I mess up, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I have turned this practical application in to a religion instead of doing it for myself in full awareness
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to actually see, realize and understand that I am here living this life, and I am here living the consequences of my actions, and I have the choice and the ability to change within self honesty, or not, and it is my responsibility to face myself because no one else will do it for me, and my doing so can effect others from the perspective that I could exist as I living example of how people can change and perfect themselves, but as long as I am not doing it, it is not here and is not a reality, and so, as within so without - my not changing myself within a starting point of self support implies and reflects that I don't care about myself nor anyone else
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am a good person that cares about myself and others around me while in fact in practicality I have not bee doing the bare minimum of expressing this care through practical physical application, and thus, have made this "I care" as a character that I can talk about and express to people, hence the good conversation, instead of letting go the idea of I am a caring person and actually allowing myself to live it as the expression of myself in every moment, where the first act of caring would be caring for myself and doing all I can to nurture and support myself, not for anyone else but for myself because I would care about and for myself, then, the expression of caring for others must be within a starting point of living as an example, and working towards a practical solution - so far I have been talking the talk much more then walking the walk, like I enjoy presenting myself as part of the most caring group in the world, or perhaps more accurately, the only caring group of people in the world, yet, I have not been an active participant from the perspective that I know I can do so much more if I would bring myself to actually care and live this care as the expression of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to care only about the thoughts and feelings and emotions and fears that come up in my mind, instead of caring for myself as the physical and for everybody else as the physical and thus, within caring for the mind and placing the mind above me as the physical I have not been pushing through the resistance in self interest, as I would simply do what the mind wants, as I follow it into self destruction
I realize that every time that I have thoughts / back chat / emotions / feelings / fears that come up and direct me into any direction that is not what is best for al, I am a facing a choice and can chose to follow the mind or can chose to resist the temptation within and as implementing the tools of writing and self forgiveness as to allow myself to see the construct that has come up, as to not suppress it but rather work through it, and so, I realize that in every moment of every breath I can make a new choice and am not limited to the previous choice, thus, I can chose to change now and today starting to live within the principle of what is best for all, regardless of not yet doing it previously. And I realize that in every moment that I chose self interest, that I chose the comfort of not pushing myself, when I chose the "hanging out" rather than applying myself - that is a choice and it will in every moment accumulate as who I am and allowing myself to be, so I realize that I must make sure that I accumulate more "points" of self support and actual genuine care than points of self interest and abuse - I realize this is a process and I will not change over night, but within this I also realize that making the decision is instantaneous and changing my starting point happens in a moment, so there really is no excuse.
I realize that it isn't about writing daily but rather writing daily within a starting point of self support and self care, and thus, I commit myself to before and while writing ensure that I am here and breathing, and if and when I see that I am writing in a state of rush as to "just get it over with" I stop myself and breathe, if necessary I attend to what needs my attention so that I can be here fully and write for and as myself, within this I commit myself to prioritize and not allow any distraction to become an excuse of "I'll do it later" because looking at the greater picture - what could be more important than supporting myself in this process of self discovery and self change? Nothing really, and so, I commit myself to set up a time and actually apply myself effectively within this time frame, as planning a date with myself, as I would plan with another, and respect this self date as I would respect a date with another
So here I am , making the decision to care for myself and to live this car as an actual physical act, within supporting myself through this process of writing and self forgiveness, to investigate and see in self honesty who I have created myself as, and change myself within the principle of re-creating myself as a human being that lives as an example, that if everybody would learn from my example this world would be best for all - this is my indication that I have lots of work to do, because I know what goes on in my mind, and I know that if everybody in the world would learn from my example at the moment, the world will not be a better place for all - and so I commit myself to walk this process until I can be a living example of the principle of equality as what is best for all -
I realize this must start with myself, if I only care about one being in the world I must be to actually care for myself, not as the mind as to care for my thoughts and feeling and emotions, but for myself, the being that is here, that is experiencing all these ups and downs, the one that is not yet directing oneself but is powerlessly following the thoughts / emotions / feeling, to support myself as the being that is here, to stand up within myself and direct myself, take responsibility and live with integrity and self honor.
Yes, there is a long way to go…
I realize the value of breath, and I commit myself to use breath as a tool of self support, to slow myself down and to ground myself, to return to my physical body where I am here, and to direct myself to move from a starting point of breath, to allow myself to stop and breath as many times during the day - to make stopping and breathing my practice, before anything I do / say I stop and breathe and consider what is best for all, what would be most practical and effective and supportive, and what is within justification and self interest - and to slowly but surely more from there, from here, one step at a time.
Friday, February 8, 2013
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog Day 155 - Desperation - How will the world ever change?, where I express my desperation towards the condition of the world and blame others for creating it, while not taking responsibility and realizing my part in creating the world as it is - in the following blogs I will be walking in self forgiveness the points that had opened up through writing the previous blog, as my first step of actually taking self responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in fear towards my neighbors, within an experience of having to protect and defend myself within the belief that they are only looking out for their own interest and will inevitably hurt me if it serves their interest
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in fear of my neighbors, within expecting them to express their inherent evil, while believing myself to be "the good one" as I see myself as innocent, not realizing that I too have been existing within self interest as I've been wanting to fulfill my own self interest no matter what the price may be, thus disregarding my neighbors within not considering them in my equation of my wants, needs and desires, but only seeing me and myself, thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I fear within my neighbors that which exists within and as myself, that which I have been hiding form myself, as to be able to maintain the self definition I have of myself, of being good and innocent, while believing they are evil and self interest, thus, separating myself form them in creating a polarity, building up a fence to protect me from them, not realizing that as long as that which I fear exists within me, no fence will be able to protect me, I must face my own evil and walk a process of self correction, within this I realize that only through correcting myself within self forgiveness will I be able to see my neighbors as my equals and be able to find practical livable ways to co-exist with them in harmony that will be an actual physical manifestation of the principle of love thy neighbor as thy self
The principle "love thy neighbor as thy self" is an expression of the principle of equality as the law of balance which is guiding existence - realizing equality as the ultimate law that governs our reality gives us insight and understanding into ourselves within and as the physical reality in which we exist within - within this understanding, I realize that as long as I don't love myself truly and unconditionally I cannot love my neighbor - due to the principle of equality implying that as within so without - within this, the reverse is equally true - where, as long as I fear my neighbor I am showing myself that in fact I fear myself, that I exist in separation of myself to such an extent that I fear facing the totality of who I am, this being reflected to me by my separation that I exist within towards my neighbor, not allowing myself to see them as the totality of who they are as equal living beings as myself - thus, neighborly conflict is an indication of inner conflict and thus an invitation for self introspection - realizing that reality exist as a reflection of ourselves, allows us to see that all our relationships towards anything or anyone external to us is a reflection, a mirroring, of our relationship with ourselves
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize that the friction and conflict I have within and towards my neighbors is indicating a point of inner conflict and friction within myself, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to instead of investigating myself in self honesty as to find myself within myself, to align myself with the true nature of myself as the principle of equality, I have allowed myself to place blame, hatred and fear towards my neighbor, thus separating myself from them that much further, and within that separating myself from myself as well, sabotaging my opportunity to self realize, expand and grow, into an actual living human being, to transform myself from the organic robot that I exist as, as I've been following my self interest, in separation, regardless of the harm and abuse I create as consequences, and into a living being that exist in inner harmony within living the expression of "man, know thyself" and within knowing myself, accepting myself unconditionally through removing anything that is in contradiction to life, as the expression of equality, and within removing all contradictions, becoming one within and as myself, to then realize myself as one with all that is here, as nature, humanity and existence as a whole - thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize equality as the true expression of myself and instead I have been following my mind in separation, thus equalizing myself to all that which I judge and blame as the cause of suffering and pain, instead of equalizing myself to that which is the solution for all the suffering and pain, which is that which is best for all life, practically, as a living expression, in every moment, of every breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my neighbors, beyond the countries borders, within believing they want to harm me, take my land, take my jobs, and destroy me altogether in an endless war, while not stopping for a moment and questioning myself, as investigating my own self responsibility, within realizing that "it takes two to tango" and thus, the conflict and friction I experience as blame towards my neighbor countries, is never one sided, and as long as I blame the others, I realize I am not standing within my responsibility of correcting myself unconditionally, not as a response to them changing first, but as an act of self honesty, within realizing that as long as I, as my country, don't stand as self responsibility, I cannot expect another to stand in their responsibility, I cannot expect for one to do that which I am not applying as myself. And thus, I realize that the only way to create change is to actually be the change unconditionally and without expectation or rewards, and within that to live as the living example of taking self responsibility.
I realize there is actually a inevitable reward within taking self responsibility, as it is the only way to stop the inner conflict, thus, regardless of the outcome, I realize that standing in self responsibility, in self honesty, is the only possible way to have inner peace, and that is the first step towards having external peace - within this, I realize that the outflow as what I see manifest in my reality is the consequence of the past, and thus, the change must be an equal accumulation towards that which is best for all in equality, for it actually to become a reality - I say this as to not lose hope or motivation within expecting the change to be immediate - I realize it too us many many many years to create this mess to such a extent, and it will take us many years to correct ourselves, both on an individual level as each of walk the process of self forgiveness and on the world level as we change and correct the world system to align it with the principle of equality, so that we can exist in inner peace, and so can the world and existence as a whole.
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