Showing posts with label specialness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label specialness. Show all posts
Friday, November 9, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire being special, within believing that only through being special will I deserve the right for being accepted / loved / appreciated, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that one needs to do something or be someone special in order to have the right to live in dignity and honor, not realizing that within this belief I am allowing and justifying abuse through disregarding beings due to them not being special, as not good / interesting / smart enough to earn their right to live peacefully
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I must do/be something special within the starting point of survival within the belief that I need to be accepted / loved / appreciated by others to survive in this world and live a life of content, not realizing that that within the principle of equality and oneness all have the basic right to live with dignity/respect/support and it is within this belief that I allow the current system to continue as it is within creating competition as to who is most special to be granted the right for happiness, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the desire to be appreciated / loved / accepted by others is indicating to me that I am not accepting myself, and within that indicating that I am in fact living as separation from/as myself, and thus it is not about being special, to survive through the acceptance of others within separating from myself, but rather about accepting myself within self honesty to be one with myself to be then able to change myself within the principle of equality as what is best for all, to create a world that no one needs/requires to be special in any way to survive and live a dignified life, and within not having to be special within a starting point of survival to be able to actually live as self expression as our individuality and allow ourselves explore/enjoy life as life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being ordinary within the idea I have attached to being ordinary as not good enough, not special, not worthy, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept the concept of equality within fear of being like every body else, not realizing that I have attached an idea I have created in my mind, trying to interpret equality through the eyes of the mind, and within that exist in fear of equality due to the fear of not being special / unique, thus I realize that any fear I hold towards equality within the fear of being ordinary is a result of my mind's interpretation within fear, not allowing myself to realize myself as life and to see the vast possibilities of self expression when one doesn't live in fear of survival within putting on personalities of specialness, which are in fact all lies, in order to get along in society, based on the starting point of not actually accepting oneself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear/resist/react to being corrected due to the fear of letting go of my personality of being special, and within that to have people see that I am not as special they might have thought I was, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other people's bubble of me burst, not seeing that I have been living a lie within letting/allowing others to see me through a veil of personalities/characters, and thus have never allowed myself to actually live as self expression as who I am, within the initial starting point of separation, thus I commit myself to walking the process of self intimacy within self honesty, to know myself and accept myself and become one and equal within/as myself, to let go the desire of being special, within creating personalities to deceive those around me, and instead to live as myself in dignity, and will/push myself to change in any point I see need direction within a starting point of being/becoming living example of equality as what is best for all, within realizing that it starts with self as self acceptance within equality and oneness within/as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to present myself as special within a self created personality, within using it as a form of manipulation to impress others and get things done my way, while at the same time believing myself to be more than others due to believing my self created specialness, and thus more deserving of having my self interest satisfied, while disregarding all around me within considering their interests as what is best for all within equality as the interest that serve and support all, as I have defined myself as special, more important and thus more deserving to have my desires met, within this
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and justify the concept of specialness, and within that positively reinforcing children through telling them they are so special, within that creating the connection between being accepted and the necessity of being special, within that creating fear of losing that specialness, thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the very construct of specialness is based in fear, and is not supportive of life one bit, within creating the desire and dependency on being seen as special, creating the expectation of being special, creating the attraction to those that we perceive are special, creating competition and much much more, all in the name of separation, of not actually knowing who we are as life, not accepting ourselves,
I commit myself to show that the teaching/programming of children of the concept of specialness is abusive and disregards all life as equals, as it creates a condition of being special as a necessity for a substantial fulfilled life, within this I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself going into the energy of desire of being special, and bring myself back here in awareness of equality as all life is here and does not need to be special, all is what it is, and any form of specialness would be a result of judgment as separation
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Thursday, November 8, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
The point comes up within the interpretation of the scenario of being corrected as if I had presented myself in a specific way, that make others perceive me as special/unique/smart/interesting… and then within making a mistake and thus having to be corrected/told what to do, the bubble had burst, and it's not that they think badly of me, but they no longer think I am especially smart/interesting/intelligent/competent... I am now reduced to being just another somebody, another imperfect mortal, mistakes and all….
So the point of fear is the fear of losing the idea of myself as being special and within it, losing being seen as special. So this brings up the obvious question of why do I believe I require being special? Why do I need to be more than myself as specialness? and again, this desire to be special reveals the point of self diminishment as the core beingness as who I have allowed myself to become, where I see that due to not actually accepting myself, not loving myself, not believing I am worthy of life as one and equal to all that is life, I create an idea/belief within myself that I require being special, to accept myself, to love myself and to see myself as worthy, and within that a belief that others as myself will see it in the same way, where they expect me to be special as if to earn my right for respect, acceptance, love, my right to life. this too within the idea, as perceived belief that the value of life lies within other's acceptance of me.
Within the desire to be special there is a point of expecting to get something out of it, like being special is a key to get things to go my way within self interest, wither it is attention, acceptance, or whatever it may me, there is a belief that being special will provide me with more than not being special, thus it is seen as an asset, thus the fear of losing it, or rather the fear of exposing the actuality of myself as not being special is the fear of losing this power I believed I had to manipulate people to get things done my way.
I have realized that within equality all are equally special/unique within their individuality as their personalities of the mind, as all have different experiences/perspective/beliefs/preferences…. and within all being different from the perspective of the mind, no one can actually be special, thus the desire to be special is based in valuing some ideas/skills/experiences/perspectives more than others, through judgment, and done within self interest thus does not consider all as what is best for all in equality, no, specialness is the justification that one deserve more than others and at the expense of others.
So, in fact, being corrected is a trigger point to face myself as I see the fear of the bubble of the idea/perception of me as who I present myself to be, is bursts, and the interesting thing is that within the desire to be special, I can take the failure/mistake/correction into the polarity personality and create myself as special from the perspective of being a failure, thus always looking for points of comparison, finding a polarity I can be the most at, even if it is a "negative" most, as being most corrected, most wrong, slowest...
It's fascinating how little of who I am I actually know, and how I am like a puppet, moving through out myself, creating myself within self interest to be seen, validated, as anything, even if I had deemed it bad, as long as I can define myself by it, instead of simply being me, being the living expression of me, as life, in breath, in the simplistically of the physical reality in oneness and equality, why do I need to define myself through other's eyes, does a tree need to define itself to be? No it is what it is, no definition or interpretation or approval needed.
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