Showing posts with label consequences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label consequences. Show all posts
Saturday, April 27, 2013
This is a continuation of my previous blogs: 
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
Day 182 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self forgiveness
Day 183 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self Commitments
Day 184 – Self Belief – “I am not Dedicated” – Further Investigation
Day 185 – Self Belief – “I am not Dedicated” – Waking Myself Up
And specifically a direct follow up to my previous blogs
Day 186 – Self Belief – “I’m not a Hard Worker”
Day 187 – Self Belief – “I’m not a Hard Worker” – Part 2
Day 188 – “I’m not a Hard Worker” – Part 3 - Self Forgiveness
if you haven’t already, please read them for further context.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am not and incapable of being a hard worker within defining it specifically as physical labor, within a deliberate attempt to separate myself from the term of being a hard worker as a form of self sabotage and within this to justify the separation within associating being a hard worker to inferiority as related only to blue collar jobs thus allowing myself to overlook the physical and practical values of being a hard worker
Seeing this now I realize I must redefine being a hard worker in such a way that I can live as the expression of / as myself, to stop existing in separation from the term and thus to stop sabotaging myself through living out the expression of not being a hard worker, to then as a result feel bad and inadequate for living out the belief of not being able and capable to be a hard worker – I see, realize and understand that as long as I allow myself to exist in separation from / as the term as being a hard worker, I will not allow myself to experience myself as self worth, because I have been giving value to being a hard worker but am not allowing myself to live it as the expression of myself, and thus deny myself the opportunity of being one with the expression of the value I have given being a hard worker, within this, I see realize and understand that to ease the sense of inadequacy within aligning myself within and as the social construct, I have allowed myself to separate myself further from being a hard worker through judging those who do hard physical labor as inferior socially, within this, creating a situation for myself that I have no interest of changing, because within this judgment it is ok for me to not be a hard worker, and by doing so I am placing myself as superior socially – not allowing myself to see the absurdity of experiencing myself superior by not doing / applying a physical and practical action that is essential for the survival and existence of humanity in this physical reality.
When sounding the words “hard worker”, what stands out is “Heart worker” as putting my heart into what I am doing, into the work I am participating with – it’s really interesting that this should come up because in a way it sums up the effective and supportive aspects of being a hard worker, and removes the judgment and separation.
Putting my heart into the work I do would refer to being here, breathing, being in and one with the physical as the physical action and application I am busy with –within that, in no way being in the mind as not allowing self to participate in back chat, judgment, manipulation, or any form of energetic mind component – living the expression of being a hard worker, as a heart worker, to simply do what needs to be done within the specific task / job at hand - putting my heart into what I am doing, totally putting myself in what I am doing, being one with what I do.
I have never really taken a moment to look at the function of the heart and see how can I learn from it, as to learn from the heart’s expression to apply such expression as myself, within this, in relation to the point of being a hard worker, as a heart worker, as putting ones heart into whatever it is one does – in looking at the heart what I see is that the heart functions in the physical, as it is the physical engine of the physical body, and thus is responsible not only for itself but for the entire body, it consistently works beat by beat, as a physical rhythm, and it must be here in every moment, doing it’s job, nothing more and nothing less, in order to support the entire body with nutrients and oxygen. The heart does not see itself superior or inferior to the task it is doing as pumping blood around the body, and if it would create inner conflict or go into self interest, the entire body will suffer the consequences…
Thus, living the expression of a hard worker, as a heart worker is to be humble, and to do what needs to be done within the best interest of all, it is to stop the mind and not allow any judgments, justifications, excuses, beliefs or back chat to exist and direct self within doing the task / job - doing so within realizing that if one is busy in one’s mind, one cannot be busy doing one’s responsibility in the best possible way, and the consequences of one’s actions will affect all, and not only self, because of the interconnectedness of it all.
Within redefining “heard worker” as doing a task and putting myself / my heart into it, and not allowing myself to fall into the traps of the mind, as back chat, judgments, justifications, excuses, manipulation ext. I can see that it is a matter of decision, and not a predetermined personality trait that I can do nothing about, that I am separate from – this is a decision, to be here with what I am doing, to be responsible for what I am busy with and do it completely.
Anyone can do this, but within this I realize that I have lived all my life avoiding this point, creating and living according to resistance and so I realize I have created this as a pattern and to change myself within it I must push myself through the resistance that up until now I have allowed to direct me.
So, when and as I see myself applying myself half hearted, as not putting myself into it, and instead being in my mind, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here to the physical in breath, I restate to myself who I am: “I am here, I take responsibility to do this task, and I stand by my responsibility” and then, I breathe in stability to make sure I stop my thoughts / back chat / mind, and do the task.
When and as the thought / self belief that I am not and incapable of being a hard worker come up, I stop myself and breathe, I do not allow myself to entertain such thoughts / self beliefs as I have seen and realized that they are self sabotaging by nature and have no physical ground, thus, I realize that by participating with them I give them power over me, while by not participating within them, they will dissipate into thin air, and I will remain here, as directive principle. And so, I commit myself to stop myself in breath from participating in any thoughts or self beliefs in the nature of believing myself to not being a hard worker, instead I restate to myself that I am here, and being a hard worker is a matter of decision that anyone can make at any moment, and within this I make the decision in that very moment as to what would be best for all as self support, and I apply it effectively
When and as I experience resistance to continue a task, I stop and breathe, I slow myself down, I remind myself the reward of application is a natural sense of worth, and so, I remind myself the value of applying myself here in the physical, as it is what is best for me, and within supporting myself, is actually best for all.
I realize that in order to live the expression of self worth in every breath I must start living as self worth, to fake it till I make it, and thus, to put my heart into that which I have decided to do is an application of self worth within living the expression of equality as I am equal to the task I am doing, within this, I see that by not putting my heart / myself in what I am doing I am stating to myself that I am not worthy of the task as I am not applying it within equality, and thus, but not being totally in what I am doing, I am a living the expression of unworthiness and so become it, and so it is obvious that ot would be much more supportive for myself to actually walk through the resistance and back chat, to stop my participation within / as the mind, and become a heart worker, as I teach myself to slowly but surely do everything is do as the totality of myself, as I put myself / my heart into it, and just do it.
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Thursday, March 14, 2013
My response to the question: “So you would say that a law abiding citizen should in principle be equal to a murderer or psychopath?.” posted on Quora
it's not that "a law abiding citizen SHOULD in principle be equal to a murderer or psychopath" - it's that they ARE equal - we are all in fact equal, we are equal from many perspectives: we all have the same basic necessities, we all eat / drink / shit / breathe, we are all a product of our environment and upbringing, we are the outcome of our education and our life circumstances - From this perspective, you cannot attempt to compare a law abiding citizen and a murderer without looking into all the details of their lives - because you are trying to point fingers at the murderer and suggest that they solely are responsible for their character and behavior as you are implying that the law abiding citizen is responsible for his conduct - you are basically stating that parenting and education have nothing to do with how we end up, you are saying that our financial status, the support we receive as children growing up, the role models we had around us, the mental health of our family members - all that means nothing... I'm sure you realize that all these factors play a roll in how we turn out - and thus, as long as we don't have equal conditions, an equal basis to stand up from - how dare you compare the outcome? how dare you base who is deserving or worthy of a dignified life based on the outcome of the circumstances they were exposed to?
And yes, we are each responsible for who we are, and we can each walk a process of self responsibility and change / correct ourselves to the better - this isn't about holding on to blaming the circumstances and hiding behind our past - but, do most people have access, the finance, the ability, the knowledge or the support to walk an effective process of self empowerment? no, which is yet again another reason for equal money to be in place, because that will ensure the means to support all, to overcome their past, to let go of the blame, to forgive the circumstances of their lives, and to correct themselves as to become an effective citizen - a citizen that not only obey rules out of fear of consequence, but rather a citizen that actually respects themselves, honors life, and recognizes that their neighbors are their equals, and treats them as they would like to be treated.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
for context please read my previous blogs:
Day 160 – A life changing Decision
Day 161 - Shame - I've done nothing with my life
Day 162 - Running ahead of myself
Day 163 - Running ahead of myself - Self forgiveness
Day 164 - Enslaved to Memories - Failed opportunity relived
Day 165 - Enslaved to Memories – Correction
Day 166 - Enslaved to Memories - Money and Morality
Day 168 - Falling like a leaf, or following your self direction - what do you chose?
Day 169 - Decisions, decisions...
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making decisions with accepting and allowing myself to exist as self doubt, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prefer that others make decisions for me
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to make my own decisions, and thus, exist within an accepted experience that I don't know what to do / decide and that I am helpless in face of the decision needed to be made
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I do in fact know what I want to / should do, but I have hidden this from myself in self separation within accepting and allowing myself to exist as self judgment, and thus, instead of allowing myself to see in self honesty what it is that I want to / should do, I hide myself from myself and turn to others to help / assist me make my decision, within a hope that they will approve / validate that which I wanted to do to begin with, thus showing myself that I do in fact know within myself what it is that I want to do / decide, yet I will not allow myself to admit to it and stand by it as myself, in fear of failure / judgment
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand by / as that which I want to do / decide, and instead I turn to others to ask for their help / assistance in making a decision, and so, within the desire / expectation that they will approve / validate that which I wanted to do but wouldn't admit that I know what it is that I want, I will react to their assistance / advice as if they validate me I will experience a relief, as a positive experience, within reaching a hidden agreement between that which they say and that which I knew I wanted all along, and on the other hand, if they give me advice that invalidates / contradicts that which I wanted to do / decide but would admit to myself, I will react in irritation / anger as I experience myself now more confused and more self doubting, within this I realize that both scenarios are within a starting point of self sabotage, because I actually know what it is that I want to / should do, but will not admit to myself, and thus exist in accepted and deliberate separation of / from myself, and within that expect / desire for others to validate me so that through their validation I can believe in myself, gain self confidence and make the decision - but within this I am enhancing the pattern of self doubt, creating a dependency on what others say / think, and creating friction and conflict when they are not aligned with what I want to or believe I should do.
I see here 3 problems -
1. I do not trust myself and rather trust the opinion / judgment / perspective of others - participating within this construct / pattern will in time greaten the self doubt and will make it harder and harder for me to stand up within myself and trust myself to make decisions.
2. when I ask for help / assistance, if I am validated, I am giving away the opportunity of questioning my decision, as I blindly accept their advice due to it being aligned with my initial want / desire / opinion, and so within being validated I experience a positive energetic experience and allow myself to stop the investigation of considering all options and looking at the bigger picture - thus, instead of taking responsibility for my decision I place the responsibility on the fact that it has been agreed upon, even without discussion - within this I see that there is a possibility to present the problem / decision in such a way to manipulate others into saying that which I want to hear - and so, this whole scenario is problematic and cannot be trusted.
3. when I ask for help / assistance and my initial want is not validated, I react, I go into a negative energetic experience as my self doubt is enhanced, I may lash out at the being for not supporting my hidden desire as I have been secretive about it due to not admitting to myself that I do in fact know what I want to / should do, and so, within reaction I will either let go my initial decision without further investigation, or I will hold onto it in spite - either way I am acting within reaction to the experience of being rejected / invalidated.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask for assistance in making a decision, within a starting point of manipulation and deceit, where I do not expose what I had come to within myself and thus am asking from a starting point of seeking validation and confirmation, instead of asking for assistance within sharing all that I had come to and asking for further perspective in order to get clarity of the point, as to maybe there are aspects I didn't take into consideration, this way I am not asking the other to decide for me but rather asking for assistance in considering all points in order to come to a clear decision on my own, for and as myself
Within this I realize that when I ask for assistance / advice I must first come to realize and understand what it is that I want or believe I should do, and within that clarity ask for assistance while exposing that which I see as to prevent my participating with manipulation, and this way, within hearing what the other has to say I can be more clear about any resistance that may come up and thus address it effectively, as a pose to hiding that which I see within myself and go into an argument with the other for not validating me, while they are in the dark so to speak, as I ask them for advice and now I am attacking them for not giving me what I wanted to hear. And thus abusing their assistance.
When and as I ask for advice / assistance / help in coming to a decision, I commit myself to first lay out all the points for myself and to allow myself to admit to that which I see should be my decision, then as I ask for assistance I share all that I see with the other so that they can have a clear perspective of what I am walking so that they can share more considerations that I may have missed - within this, when and as I see myself going into reaction as to what is being said, I stop myself and breathe, I investigate the point of reaction as I realize it indicates a point I am been hiding from myself as avoiding facing the point, thus, I look at the point in self honesty and forgive myself for the resistance / reaction from a starting point of clearing the point up in order to be able to see clearly and reconsider my decision now with the new consideration placed due to the assistance from the other
When and as I ask for assistance and receive the confirmation I was seeking, I push myself, through the assistance of the other, to play the devils advocate, as to allow myself to see if there are any points I am still missing, and so to not go into positive experience due to the validation of the other, but to use it as a platform to better understand the situation, as to allow myself to come to a clear and well rounded decision.
Within this I realize that I can do this procedure on my own, through writing, and thus I realize that asking for help in making a decision is but a stepping stone in building self trust, though it is not necessary, as through playing the devils advocate to my own decision making I can within self honesty see all the points, and through the assistance and support of self forgiveness walk through the resistances that I see coming up, allow myself to see the points of desires and fears that are masking the physical actuality of the situation, and come to make the decision on my own and for myself, within self trust.
I see here that I have been leaning on others to help me come to decisions that I am capable of coming to on my own, and I realize that each time I do so I weaken myself and validate the accepted self doubt, and thus sabotaging myself and my stand, instead of taking a moment, and writing the point out, allowing myself to admit to that which I want to or believe I should do, allowing myself to investigate the point in self honesty, to see where do I fear judgment or am directed by perceived expectations, and where am I limiting myself in fear or desire - here I utilize the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all, and check if my decision is in alignment to this principle, thus giving myself an anchor, as a direction, in which if I follow I know I cannot be "wrong", within this realizing that my ability to see what is best for all is as limited as I allow it to be, as limited as I allow myself to be, and thus I realize that this too will be a process of expansion, but in order to walk the process I must start with where I am at, thus to allow myself, in self honesty, to be where I am at, to from here step forward, and in each step build myself up as self trust, stand up within myself, expand as I allow myself to express myself and stand responsible to face the outcomes / consequences of my actions / participations.
I realize that if I am to change, I must allow myself to step out of my comfort zone, and explore new territory so to speak, and within this, allow myself to fall, yet if I fall in awareness I can learn and expand from every fall and through it, stand up stronger within myself.
Please consider investing in the interviews done about decision making - here are the links:
Decision Making 101 (Part 1) - Reptilians - Part 156
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog
Day 69 - Friendship - Part 11 – Spitefulness – Part 1
Day 70 - Spitefulness - Part 2 - Self Forgiveness
Day 71 - Spitefulness - Part 3 - Self Commitments
Day 72 – Spitefulness – Part 4 – More Characters – Self Forgiveness
Day 73 - Spitefulness - Part 5 – Self Commitments
Day 74 - Spitefulness - Part 6 - Self Forgiveness
Day 75 - Spitefulness - Part 7 - Self Commitments
Day 76 - Spitefulness - Part 8 – Both Sides of the Coin - Self Forgiveness
Spite - Malicious ill will prompting an urge to hurt or humiliate.
It's funny in a way; my mind creates an idea, then my mind creates conflict within this idea, where reality contradict my idea, or when two ideas within me collide and cannot coexist without conflict, thus inner conflict, then I experience the conflict as a "negative" experience, as something undesirable, and then instead of seeing my responsibility for the entire situation which would indicate and may even result in changing my actions/behavior within realizing that I am creating my own self conflict, no, instead of doing that, I manipulate myself within/as the mind into believing that someone else is to blame and actually responsible for the conflict as the negative energy that I am experiencing, within this whole mess I believe myself as the mind, and turn spiteful towards this other being that I have projected onto them the blame/responsibility, and thus I hold them responsible for my self creation.
Within self honesty I realize another "disturbing" point, where all and everything that I experience being done to me, that I then blame and become spiteful towards, I am participating within. For instance, I resent people expecting things from me and then expressing their disappointment, and when it happens I become spiteful towards it/them, but then I allow myself to exist as the other side of the same coin where I expect things from other and then am disappointed and take it personally when they don't stand up to my expectations, and then I turn into spitefulness as well… now, the reason I react to peoples expectation is because of the construct I have created within myself when I expect from others, so when I expect from others I disregard them as the totality of their beingness and all I care about is my self interest which I want them to live by, and if they don't I am disappointed and become spiteful/resentful towards them, thus when I experience people expecting things from me I, within myself, expect them to exist as the pattern/construct I exist as, which I created in my mind, thus when I react to expectation I am in fact reacting to the construct of expectation that I created within myself and that I participate within.
So here again showing the basic law of “as within so without"as I within myself create that which I perceive to come from without me, as well as the principle of "do onto another as you would like them to do onto you" because what do is what I experience being done to me, and thus only if I do onto another that which I would like to be done onto me, will I experience that which I want to experience.
I commit myself to take and investigate every reaction I have towards another within realizing that it is showing me my own creation, and thus I commit myself to stop myself within breath and take responsibility for that which I created as the reaction/situation I am participating within.
I commit myself to stop myself from participating within the construct of expectation, when/as I see myself going into expectation I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here within realizing that expectation is based on ideas/beliefs and supports limitation while disregarding the other's beingness as the physical existence as what is here, within this I commit myself to when/as I see myself going into spitefulness, to investigate within myself what expectation I had of the situation/other which in my perception it/they didn't stand by, and within this I commit myself to clear myself from the expectation through writing, self forgiveness and corrective statements. I commit myself to stop myself from existing as expectation as what is not actually here as the physical, as life, and to bring myself back here, to the physical reality, to walk here, breath by breath, within realizing that here, spitefulness cannot exist, it can only exist as a construct of the mind, as an illusion that becomes alive as I give it life through my participation with it.
I commit myself to facing myself as the lowest point of existence, within allowing myself to face the lowest perceptions I have of self, and to from seeing the lowest and forgiving myself within self honesty, to stop the cycle of reaction when I perceive others in my environment are defining me as the lowest, within realizing that by allowing myself to be one with the lowest point, no one can then have power over me, and within forgiving myself as the lowest point I can be free of the fear of being seen/perceived as the lowest point, within realizing that the reaction towards how people see/perceive me is based on the self definition as the religion of self that I have accepted as myself, and thus "fight" to protect, but within allowing myself to let go of the positive idea I have about myself, and take on the lowest most negative points, I can in fact be free of the reaction, because there will be nothing to fear
I commit myself to stop myself from bullying others, within identifying a point of weakness and creating a situation where I can see myself as the dominator, as more than the other, I commit myself to stop participating within any pattern which is abusive/humiliating/suppressing of another being within realizing that as long as I participate within such constructs I will always perceive these construct being done to me by others, when in fact I will be experiencing my own creation, thus for these constructs of abuse/humiliation/suppression to stop, I must stop them within myself - as within so without, thus I am directly responsible for the abuse going on in the world through my participation with abuse towards others, I realize any participation with/as abuse/spitefulness/bullying towards others is showing me a hidden point of inferiority/weakness that I have accepted within/as myself, and thus I take on this point of weakness/inferiority, and investigate it as myself, not hiding from it any more, but allowing myself to one and equal to/as it, to be able to accept myself as it, and then to let it go within/through self forgiveness, to be able to trust myself that I will not be directed by this point and will not hide it within/through spitefulness/abuse
When I see myself within an emotional energetic reaction, where I feel like I can't take it anymore and want to burst out on someone else to share with me this negative energy - I stop and breathe, I close myself away and stop all interaction as I know where this is leading, and I do not accept myself to in any circumstances spread the energy like an infectious disease only for the self interest of feeling momentarily better, only to then go into guilt when the energy has passed and I am left with the awareness of what I had done. Thus I stop myself from passing on the energy of anger/spitefulness through breathing, until the energetic possession is over, thus, I commit myself to not communicate with others until I can trust myself to do so without passing on the energy to another, through being nasty/spiteful towards them, as this is simply unacceptable
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