Showing posts with label allowance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label allowance. Show all posts
Monday, October 15, 2012
continue from my previous blogs:
Day 59 - Redefining friendship
Day 60 - friendship - Part 2 - Care and Support
I like to think of myself as a good, caring and supportive friend, why? Because I want to feel good about myself and I want to maintain the friendship, Why? Why do I want friendships? What am I getting out of it?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the character of a caring and supportive friends, within that not actually caring and not actually giving support, but just acting the character as I have learnt from society as how a "good" friend should act
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am a caring friend when I experience myself caring for my friends, within that not considering that I have limited myself within the definition of the friendship construct and thus have trapped myself in the character of being a caring friend without actually having the free choice to care because I have already a defined myself as a caring friend, and thus did not actually care but only play a role
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect my friends to care for me and within the expectation to judge them according to the idea I have as what is the caring character, and thus if they do not match my expectation I use emotional manipulation on them to show them they have done me wrong, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit and restrict my friends into a specific expression that I have created as an idea in my mind, and within that allowing them to limit and restrict me according to their idea of the caring character, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing such limitations and restriction to exist in the name of friendship because I fear being alone and believe I will be nothing without friends, thus I allow myself to play the game of being a caring friend in order to maintain the friendship
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have been supporting my friends within the definition of what a supportive friend is, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support my friends in fact as who they are as life, but instead to have supported their character of the mind, within allowing them to maintain their character as to justify my own characters, and thus within our friendship instead of actually giving support to each other as life, we have been supporting each other's characters as the mind, as justifying and accepting all sorts of abusive shit to continue wither gossip, tantrum, emotional breakdown etc.… within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to actually support my friends as life within fear of conflict, because I know that the agreement we have as friends, that has been lived out throughout our friendship, as an agreement between characters, and thus to actually give living support would mean to stop supporting the character and instead exposing the deceptions as to allow the friend to face themselves within self honesty, within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to accept less than who my friends really are, as allowing them to maintain their characters, in the starting point of self interest as to not risk losing them as I have accepted myself as dependent on them as being my friends, and thus within fear of losing them I compromise themselves as life and not actually support them but maintain everything as we have always been, not allowing myself to change, and not allowing them to change
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am a good friends, but I haven’t allowed myself to see the reality of self interest hiding behind the act of the good friends character, as the fear of being alone within a self belief that I must have my friends to be/feel strong and accepted, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself within the self acceptance of self diminishment as I have allowed myself to exist within a friendship construct that compromise myself and them, just for the sake of staying together as friends, not realizing the abuse I have been allowing within this, as depriving myself and them the opportunity to self realize within self honesty
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to play out the character of being a caring and supportive friend instead of giving myself and them as myself the opportunity to change through actually supporting myself and them as myself within not accepting and allowing either of us to be anything less than who we actually are as life, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue with the friendship and the expression of care and support as we have agreed on years ago, and not allowed myself to actually care for them as life and actually support them as an actual friend, within this I realize that the construct of friend isn't really about care and support but in fact is about supporting each other as the character as the personality we have accepted as ourselves, and within that have agreed to use the friendship as a form of justification as a form of extra strength to stand within our character with someone by our side justifying to us everything that we are and have accepted as ourselves, instead of acting within actual compassion to who we are as life and supporting each other to stop this game of characters only designed to create friction and conflict within our worlds, only to generate more and more energy to deplete the physical to allow the mind to survive another day at the expense of ourselves as life as the physical
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to care for my friends because I know them but not care for the rest of humanity and existence as a whole because I am safe within my friendships and know I will be taken care of, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse the word care and not actually live it as the living word, as caring as the living word would be actually caring for life as all life as one and equal, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pretend I care as a social accepted construct, instead of actually facing myself as the self interest that I have allowed myself to exist as, within only caring about myself as my personalities and characters that I do not want to lose as I have defined them as myself, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a bond with some friends that we agree to care about each other in order to not trouble ourselves with the rest of the world because we are taken care of, we are not forsaken and alone, we have our friends, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse the word friend, and believe it to be a nice/good/kind word, not realizing that it is due to the construct of friendships and the support/security we believe we get from it, is the reason why we don't care for the rest of humanity and existence as a whole
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the actual evil that exist within/as the construct of friendship within the caring/supportive character, because I have not allowed myself to see that within the friendship construct lay the allowance of all the atrocities to continue in the world because they are not my friends and thus I don't need to care for them, let me just care for my friends and that all I can do, no, this is unacceptable, all are equal here on earth and equally deserve and are worthy of care and support and thus by giving such care and support only to the few that I have allowed as my friends is giving permission for the rest of them to not get the care and support they require to live a dignified and fulfilled life
Within this I commit myself to stop myself as the caring and supportive character, and to within breathing and applying self forgiveness, within stopping myself as separation of the mind, to learn a=how to actually care and how to actually support within not allowing anything less than who I am as life, and who my friends are as life and who anyone is as life, I realize we are all equal and one, and thus I commit myself to through walking a process of opening up all point of deception within myself, point where I participate deliberately within separation, to stop myself as such, and to start caring for all as one, and support all as life, and stop supporting myself and my "friends" as the characters we have allowed ourselves to be and become and to justify our characters through our acceptance and allowance within the circle of friends, but instead to start a new agreement, one that supports life
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Tuesday, October 9, 2012
continue from previous blogs:
Day 51 – Blame character – Part 1
Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness
Day 53 - Blame character - Part 3 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Commitments
Day 54 - Blame Character - Part 4 - Being Repeatedly Attacked – Self Forgiveness
I commit myself to as long as I experience myself as being abused, to continue investigating within self honesty the points of reaction within myself as I have realized that I am responsible for all/any reaction/emotions/feelings I experience and thus to, through self honest investigation, stop myself from accepting and allowing myself to react within the mind, to bring myself back here as life within breath in every moment
I commit myself , when experiencing myself being attacked, to stop myself and breathe, to evaluate the situation within common sense and consideration of the physical reality, and not allow myself to exist within/as the mind as interpretations/thoughts/ideas as coping mechanism to defend my various characters, within this I commit myself, when realizing I am experiencing myself being repeatedly attacked, to stop myself within breath, through realizing that I am creating this to myself through my participation within/as the mind, and thus abusing myself, within this I commit myself to take a physical action to stop/solve the self abuse, where I firstly write myself out within self forgiveness to clear point out, AND if I find it to be necessary I commit myself to communication with the other being that is part of the situation, in order to, through communication, build a base for supportive/effective relationship
I commit myself to support myself through breath, where I see myself participating within/as the mind as blame and self victimizing, to stop myself as I realize this is a path of self abuse, I breathe, I bring myself back here to my physical body, and I apply common sense to find a practical solution through writing about the point within myself and through communication with the other
I commit myself to, instead of using a coping mechanism such as desensitizing myself or losing track of what is important, to support myself through writing, as I open up the point within/as myself to see how I have created/participated within the situation and to through the desteni tools of self forgiveness and correcting statements to teach myself how to direct myself within such situations to avoid falling into the same patterns of self abuse again
I commit myself to not allow myself to desensitize, where I have accepted myself as a victim and desensitizing is my only solution, no! I commit myself to bringing myself back here through/as my senses, and thus I commit myself , if/when I see myself go back to the coping mechanism of desensitizing myself, to stop myself within breath, I breathe, and look at the situation through my physical senses, and apply common sense, and build my self trust through each moment of actually looking at, and experiencing the physical reality. Within this I commit myself to use the experience of being repeatedly attacked as a gift that is showing me that I have distant myself from myself far enough and it is time to get back home, to myself, and thus I use it as a guide line showing me the way back to myself
I commit myself to be here, as stopping memories of the past, stopping myself within breath when I see myself participating within/as past memories, I commit myself to through a process of writing and bringing up memories within self forgiveness, to stop using memories of the past as justifications for my reactions, as showing me that I am right because it happened once before, No! I have realized that participating in past memories is a construct, separating me from myself into the mind where I cannot be trusted, thus I stop myself, I breathe, I bring myself back here, again and again, until I am no longer directed by memories
I commit myself to use blame as a gift showing me where I have fallen into the mind, thus when I see myself participate within back chat as blame I stop myself immediately and breathe, I remind myself that only I am responsible for my shitty experience and thus I am responsible for changing it, i realize it will take a process and is up to me through dedication and consistency to see it through, thus I commit myself to learn and understand how I have created the situation/experience through self dedication within applying the tools of writing/self forgiveness/self corrective statements, to set myself free of the chains I have put on myself through my acceptances and allowances, and to bring myself back to self as a living being, within/as breath, here as life.
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Monday, October 8, 2012
continue from previous blogs:
Day 51 – Blame character – Part 1
Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness
Day 53 - Blame character - Part 3 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Commitments
Within the blame character I have noticed the point of experiencing myself as being attacked when spoken to in a way that I react to, such as being corrected, or spoken too in a specific tone, I am thus opening up the point of feeling like I'm being attacked, as one of the steps within the blame construct. In my previous blog I opened up the point of reacting to tonality, and now I will open up the experience of being attacked repeatedly, as an expected part of a relationship with another
Within the previous blog I have looked at reacting to the tonality of people within interpreting it as being an attack, now I am looking at the reaction that come up within me when I perceive myself to being attacked repeatedly
If I perceive myself to be attacked often and repeatedly I experience a form of desensitizing, like a form of coping mechanism where I zone out and ignore/suppress the reactions within me, another point within perceiving myself to being repeatedly attracted is that I lose my perception of what is important, like there is no big and small scale, it all becomes with the same intensity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in relationships where I experience myself being attacked repeatedly and I do not direct the point but instead accept it as "that's how things are", and thus, within believing "this is how things are" I forgive myself for not allowing myself to investigate the point of reaction within myself but instead turn to blame, and thus have not allowed myself to take responsibility and direct the point, but have accepted it as a "fact of life"
Within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the point clearly within having a clear understanding if it is all in my head, as in self created or is does it have to do with the other as well, as them taking part within participating in abuse/attack, either way it must be stopped, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within being attacked repeatedly and thus have given up on a chance to actually enjoy myself as life, as I have accepted the experience of abuse as a way of living, not trusting myself to stand up for myself and to make sure I do not allow myself to experience any abuse wither through clearing my own back chat of the mind as the creator or wither changing/stopping the abusive relationship - either way I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take abuse as a way of life and thus not respect/honor myself as life that deserves to live free of abuse
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, within believing myself to being attacked, to experience being attacked over and over, and within that to imprint the first experience of attack and in each time it happens again to accumulate it as another memory, bigger and bigger each time, to then, create an experience within myself as if I have been attacked repeatedly, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not only believe that I am being attacked by the words/tonality another is speaking, but to allow such an experience to repeat itself over and over within accepting myself as helpless to the situation and create myself as less than the situation and the other being, over and over, instead of changing myself within changing how I perceive the interaction within realizing that I am only "attacked" if I believe myself to be attacked through reacting to it, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attack myself within my mind over and over and create myself as the victim character while all along blaming the other for attacking me as the one that created the situation and is responsible for it, when in fact I have done it to myself within/as my mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accumulate the different experiences of being attacked as a big intense experience of being repeatedly attacked, and within that to react each time with grater energy, even though the actual "attack", or what I perceive to be an attack, is not grater each time, but because I haven't directed the situation effectively and have accepted it to continue I react to it more and more, and within accepting myself as the victim over and over, I then blame the other for victimizing me, instead of realizing that I am responsible for the whole entire accumulation of the situation through not directing it and accepting the mind to direct it as myself as a victim, and within that to hide my own creation through the construct of blame
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accumulate experiences of being attacked, and form an experience within myself as being repeatedly attacked, thus living within/as the past as memory, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to instead of stopping the mind and actually looking at the physical situation and thus directing the situation within breath, to create a coping mechanism that keeps me further from seeing what is actually here as the physical, as I distant myself from the situation by desensitizing myself to the attacks, thus what I am doing in fact is suppressing the experience through "zoning out", numbing myself to the situation, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to direct the point within stability, through communication, and instead to accept the situation as a given fact and to "deal" within through numbing myself as zoning out, thus accepting and allowing it to continue
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within creating the experience of being repeatedly attacked to instead of actually facing the situation within common sense as looking at the physical reality of what is here and moving myself effectively within it, through investigating my reaction to see what are my buttons that are being pressed to then be able to through seeing them free myself from them, to instead distant/separate myself further from myself and further from self trust through creating another coping mechanism as "losing proportion of the situation" and not recognizing if what is being said is important or not, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when experiencing myself as repeatedly attacked to no longer see/recognize if the point at hand is referring to a big point or small point, and thus to not allow myself to be here in the situation and evaluate what is being said and to recognize if it is crucial/important as life threatening or a petty/unimportant correction that I can consider applying or not through applying common sense
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in back chat, as reliving the experience of being attacked as a future projection for the next time, and thus planning out the situation within it's energetic state of blame/anger/spite, within this accepting it to continue instead of standing within/as myself and stopping myself, not allowing myself to indulge in back chat but willing myself to STOP
I see within accepting myself as being attacked repeatedly a point of not standing up and facing the other through direct communication due to fear of conflict, I use as justification that I am reacting and thus cannot stand in the face of the other, because I don't trust myself that I am seeing what I think I am seeing, in other words, when I experience myself being attacked by another and I react, I allow myself to doubt myself completely and only focus on my reaction instead of taking into consideration that through effective/direct communication I can support myself to understand the situation better, support myself to clear the reaction, and support the there through sharing my experience with them, to allow them to see themselves, if they are ready/willing to . So in a sense I have been accepting abuse, and taking shit from others because of fear of conflict, I will address this point blogs to follow
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
attack, authority, behavior, belief, blame, critisizm, emotions, energy, enslaved, negative energy, perception, reaction, self responsibility, self trust, shame, slavery, superiority, suppression, takng things personally, tonality
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