Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist making phone calls
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory of myself not wanting to make phone calls as child
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to make phone calls freely, but instead I go into an experience and expression of anxiety and cannot make the phone call with ease
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that making a phone call is in any way scary, not allowing myself to see the practicality of the situation as how safe it is since I am "protected" by the distance created by the technology of the phone, and so, in no way am I ever in direct danger while on the phone and thus the fear and resistance towards making phone calls is obviously irrational
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the irrational thoughts in my head that create the fear of making phone calls and thus, within following these thoughts I have allowed myself to limit and restrict myself from making phone calls freely and with ease irrational
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to make phone calls freely and with ease and instead I have created this fear and resistance around making calls and so I unnecessarily place myself in an experience of anxiety thus, through participating in the irrational thoughts of fear towards making phone calls I am creating inner energetic conflict and turmoil, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I am doing this within the addiction to energy and not because there is any common sense in the fear of making phone calls
I realize that the fear of making phone calls is a manipulation of my mind to create energy as the inner conflict that arise within me through wanting to make a phone call but then resisting it due to fear and so I realize that this fear is not serving nor protecting me but instead it is limiting me from expressing myself freely and effectively, thus, when and as I see myself go into the fear or resistance of making a phone call I stop myself and breathe, I take some deep breaths and remind myself there is nothing to fear, I am perfectly safe on this side of the phone.
Within this I allow myself to look at the specific fears that come up and reassure myself that they are fictions of my imagination through the illusions of the mind and do not bare any truth as within the physical reality
and so, I commit myself, when facing the fear of making a phone call, to forgive myself in that very moment and within breath, to pick up the phone and make the call, thus proving to myself that I am self directed and am not directed by the mind as thoughts, fears and self limitations. Within this I commit myself to investigate the points of fear and within self forgiveness to clear myself from all and any points that do not in fact support me as life and instead sabotage me from expressing myself fully and living my true potential .
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making phone calls because I imagine in my mind the scenario of not getting across and having communication problems and in the end being rejected, and so, to prevent this imaginary imagination I will avoid making the phone call, not realizing and seeing the physical truth that if I don't allow myself to make phone calls in fear of hearing a possible no, I am actually preventing myself from hearing the yes, and so instead of supporting me in preparing myself better I am actually sabotaging myself from ever getting closer to that which I want, thus I realize, see and understand that by preventing myself from being rejected, within the belief that I am protecting myself, I am in fact harming myself and preventing myself from achieving anything substantial, thus, I realize that when and as I need to make a phone call and I see the fear of calling come up, and the back chat / thoughts as all the reasons and excuses why I should avoid making the call, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here to my physical body, to the physical reality and see what is practical and within this I see that making the phone call and facing the possible rejection is the only way I can get closer to achieving my goals, while not making the phone call in fear is a certainty to a life of regret.
So the choice is clear, there really isn't any choice, within self support I must make the phone call, within self honesty I can only choose self honesty, and thus, I cannot allow myself to be directed by the fear any longer, I commit myself to when facing such points of fear, to stop and breathe, to prepare myself to the best of my ability within realizing that only practical application will perfect me, and so I cannot be as good as I want to be in my mind without walking the physical steps as actually doing it practically in the physical and through practice to improve and prefect my performance.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Before I'm about to participate in some form of human interaction, or even when I'm just at the stage of thinking about doing something, the back chat comes up and "takes over me", I start hearing this voice in my head or seeing images as scenarios, telling me and showing me what can go wrong and how uncomfortable I will feel, and in most cases I believe the voices and images as the truth, as a representative of a rational reality and thus, I will change my plans accordingly, to suit the hallucinations in my head.
I realize that the voice and images are not an actual reflection of any rational reality but only of my fears and insecurities, and I realize that each time that I allow myself to follow them and change my self expression to accommodate to my fears I am giving them more power over me and am thus giving my power away, and so I grow weaker and weaker with every though / voice / image that I believe and follow.
I wanted to go rock climbing but have no one to go with, so the images were of me in that big room, climbing by myself, alone, this image connected to a feeling of rejection and of not belonging, like if I go alone it would be a test of whether I can make friends or not, like if I were to stay alone for the entire time that would mean that I have failed and if I end up knowing some new people I have succeeded - writing it out now, the funny this is that there are so many advantages of doing things alone, but because I have attached a negative emotional and association to it I avoid it.
I've had some times in my life where I allowed myself to do things alone and I found that I am much more with myself when I am not busy with others as entertainment, and so, even though I have proven to myself many times that doing things alone is awesome I still have allowed myself to exist in fear towards it, within an idea that it will reflect my poor ability and skills of interacting with people.
Another point here is that within participating in this fear of being rejected by people because I believe I do not know how to interact with them, and thus my being alone is proof of my failure and inadequacy - I cause myself to feel so uncomfortable, like I'm being tested, because I am testing myself, and then I don't allow myself to simply be in the moment in breath, but I try too hard, try to achieve something, to get a smile, or some form of recognition, to prove to myself that the people around me are noticing me as a positive being and not ignoring me as I don't exist or matter.
Here, this brings up the point of requiring some form of external feedback to recognize myself, as I have separated myself from myself to such an extent that I can only see my existence and hereness through the recognition of others.
Oh man…
I see this and I am appalled at how I have allowed myself to live and exist, how we as society have accepted and allowed this behavior as a total dependency and complete disregard of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the voices and the images in my head, and allow myself to follow them as the god of me without seeing and realizing that they are based only on fear and insecurity and not on common sense and the physical reality as what is really here
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect emotions to words and thus fear living them, as I have separated myself from words that I fear and within accepting this fear towards the words such as the word alone as an example, I have allowed myself to avoid these words as avoid living them as myself and thus allowing myself to be directed by the thoughts and fear of this word, instead of seeing the word for what it is and living it as allowing myself to express myself without fearing this word
Alone, rejection, friendly, belonging, left out
These are some of the words that come to me as I'm writing, as words that I have attached positive and negative energies to and thus desire to experience some and fear experiencing the others - all these words represents ideas I have created about myself and about relationships, and about morality and what is good and bad. But non of that is true, and non of that is actually decided by myself, it has all been programmed into me by myself through my acceptance through learning from my society, and thus, reliving the same construct - nothing new under the sun
I realize that when back chat and images come up within me as a reflection of some fear, I have a responsibility and an opportunity to stop myself and breathe, and to then investigate the words that I have attached the values and energies to, and to allow myself to clear myself form the energetic attachment I have placed on the words and to then allow myself to redefine them within the principle of equality as what is best for all.
I commit myself to when thoughts and back chat about fear of being alone come up within me, I stop and breathe, I look at the point as the natural self expression that I am limiting myself from, and I allow my self to within letting go the fear of the word alone, to consider all points available to me and make a clear decision within self honesty, as to what to participate with and what not. Thus, not to "do everything that I fear" blindly, but not allow myself to shy away from my own self expression due to fear
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the fear of people that I have is not actually a fear of people but a fear of myself as the experience of alone and rejection and the experience of me being tested, these are all done by me alone within and as my participation with my mind, and thus, I forgive myself for not seeing and realizing that I do not fear people, but I fear my own reactions to my surroundings, and I have just beem blaming people on my reactions to them instead of taking full responsibility and seeing that it is not them, but it is me that is doing it to myself.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
I forgive myself for accepting ad allowing myself to go into fear when thinking about and planning meeting new people
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine in my mind the scenario of meeting and talking to new people and then to go into fear when I compare my idea of how reality will be to the imagined scenario
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the thought that in my mind I always have the right and effective response and comeback but in reality I stutter and loose my words and freeze
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine the scenario in my mind, not realizing that I am by doing so, creating a polarity between how I am in my mind and how I am in reality, as in reality things are not as smooth as in the mind, and so, instead of supporting myself through this imagination I am actually sabotaging myself in comparing myself in reality to myself in the mind, and knowing that I can never live up to this comparison
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that feeling comfortable with people and talking to new people with ease will come with practice in the physical reality and not through participating in mind imaginations as what that causes is for me to try and recreate in reality that which I have practiced in my mind, and thus not allowing myself to be here and present within the interaction and conversation, and so again, the imagination is in fact sabotaging me and not supporting me in becoming a better communicator
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the more I wait and postpone interacting with people the harder it gets from the perspective of the mind will believe it is harder, and in fact, the sooner I do it the sooner I will be comfortable with doing it, and so once again showing me that all the mind wants is not to support me in becoming effective and fulfilled but rather to limit me and maintain the fear as the self belief of who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by what I know myself to be as fear of people, instead of allowing myself, within realizing that this fear and avoidance is just making my life harder and myself less effective human being, to walk through this fear, and face it head on, and not shy away from it until I have overcome it, until I am not afraid of the fear itself any more and can move and direct myself in any way or direction that is what is most beneficial in each moment
I realize that the fear of people is maintained through my participation with it, and so, when and as I see myself participating in fear of people, I stop myself and breathe, and I push myself to act despite my fear, and to push myself to face my fear and not run away from it, until I have done it so many times that I have proven to myself through my physical application that this fear is not relevant nor supporting me in any way
realize that there have been so many situations in my life where I wanted to do something, as tonight I wanted to go dancing, but then the fear of people comes up and prevents me from going out and exploring and expressing myself, and actually limits me and refines me into a small box as my reality, within this, I commit myself to, when and as I see myself preventing myself from going out and enjoying myself and expressing myself because of the back chat of fear of people, I stop myself and breathe!! - And I push myself to deliberately do that which I fear, (within obviously considering the practicality of the point and not in any way put myself in actual danger just to prove myself a point) - and so, I commit myself to when avoiding a situation due to thoughts as back chat of fear of people, I stand up within myself and get up and move to that point which I fear - within this, I commit myself to then investigate the situation, the fear and the physical outcome - within this, I realize that by standing up and walking through my fear it is not promised that the outcome will be what I want, in other words, I realize that I will experience that which I fear most as for instance rejection, and so, I realize that the outcome of me going out and not preventing myself from expressing myself due to fear of people, is not the point as the outcome can go either way, and so, I commit myself to not judge myself and the situation according to the outcome, and so not open that back door as to tell myself that "I've tried and it just doesn't work" but instead to realize that it's not about succeeding in anything it's about allowing myself to live fully and not limit myself due to a fear of people that has been directing me throughout my life.
I started a new type of job and it requires me to push through and walk beyond my comfort zone, I have to approach people, call people, talk to people, and sell to people - when I was a child I wouldn't even like going up to the bagel stand and buy a bagel - I would ask the grown ups to do it for me, I didn't like phoning my friend's home (back in the day before everybody had their own private line or cell phone) because I didn't want their parents to pick up and talk to me, I hid through out my entire bat miztva party so I wouldn't have to talk to my relatives, and the list of situations where I avoided interaction with people goes on and on - and now I am walking into a line of work that is 100% people oriented…
So, why did I fear people so much? Well, there was "what if I don't speak clearly and they don't understand what I'm saying" (specifically in the states where I was self conscious about my Israeli accent), "what if they ask me something and I don't understand or hear the question and I have to have them ask or explain it again and it becomes an awkward moment", "what if they ask me how I am doing and I don't know what to answer" - I always had this idea about myself that I don't know how to hold a "small-talk" conversation, that I'm not good with the chit chat, that other people seem to do so naturally, I always felt awkward, I never like those awkward moments when no one is speaking and I feel like it's my responsibility to direct the conversation but I don't have anything substantial to say. This point is interesting because I'm been living and expressing myself as a character that is very friendly and outspoken, and I give an impression as if I am confidant and comfortable around people, but I have always been very self conscious and uncomfortable.
There is one specific memory I have, I was about 5 years old and I'm walking by a group of people, they are sitting on their porch and I remember I was worried about them watching me, so I walked by and had my head facing the ground but my eyes were turned towards them, looking at them, checking to see if they are looking at me - years later I've seen kids doing the same thing and it's hilarious because all I wanted was to be invisible, I didn't want to be seen or looked at, and then I go ahead and walk in such an obvious way, which draws that much more attention… lol…
I've spent so much time and energy worrying about what other people will think of me, allowing this to limit me into a freeze where I don't want to do or say anything is fear of the interaction, fear of messing up, making a fool out of myself, being seen as a joke, humiliating myself, and so on.
I've learnt to deal with this construct but I is very much still alive and kicking within me, still wanting to be validated and approved, still feeling awkward speaking to people that I am intimidated by, still get intimidated by people that for some reason I have defined as superior in some way, or myself, in relation to them, as inferior.
So I'm now facing this journey, and this job is a great opportunity to walk through these points, it's kind of like a big practice field, where I get to push myself again and again and again to face these inner demons as these fears that I have allowed myself to be directed by and that I have allowed to control my life.
I'll open this point up further with self forgiveness, to prepare me for the coming week, and I'll come back to this point as I walk it and as points come up. Already just by starting writing about it all these memories came up , so there is plenty of work to do here in clearing myself and allowing myself to change out of this character that I have lived throughout my life, as it has not been supportive, nor effective at all, and it's about time to let it go and "grow up" as I nurture myself and grow upwards into and as myself, as to live and express the full potential of myself that I have not been allowing myself to live and exist as because I have been allowing myself to diminish myself in fears as self limitation.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
I've been walking around this point for a long time, having the tools to support myself but not applying them, knowing exactly what I must do to help myself to step out of my own mind set of limitation and self despise, and support myself to walk here, with, as and for myself, in stability.
I've known these tools for years, and have been resisting applying them, thus resisting supporting myself, depriving myself of the support, it's like if I were a doctor and saw someone gasping for air and would deprive them of the support that I know I can give them and I can see how much they need - depriving self of the support self requires to stand up in stability it's self abuse, it's self hatred, it's self neglect - it's not acceptable and cannot be justified - and must be stopped.
Within myself I knew this all along, and thus, this knowing yet not applying, created inner conflict as knowing what I must do for myself and yet not doing it and so, instead of applying the tools of self support I have turned to self judgment and more self loathing as a form of punishment instead of simply becoming aware of myself not supporting myself and changing myself to live the self support I know I require - within this, I see that not supporting myself results in even greater problems, where, now, it's not just that I am depriving myself the support - in addition to depriving myself the support I am aware of what I'm doing and am hating myself for not supporting myself - so this one act of depriving myself the support I require and as a result judging myself for it, has a double impact of self abuse - and so, within not supporting myself I am playing straight into the mind's hands, as, by not supporting myself, I am creating more back chat, more judgment, and more energy thus increasing the problem that much more, instead of simply taking the physical actions of supporting myself to decrease the problem, and eventually to eliminate it. Which one must ask oneself - why am I not willing to do what is necessary to eliminate the problem? And the answer that follows is that one has not made a clear decision to change - and so, as long as I fear changing, as long as I fear losing myself more than what I actually have to lose by not changing - I will never change - and so, one must ask oneself, why do I fear changing? What have I got to lose? And the answer that follows is clearly nothing - I have nothing to lose but my self definition / belief / idea as who I am within the accepted limitation of who I am - which is such an odd thing, because that which I want to change within myself is that which I fear losing!?!?!?!?
So, what will it take for me to support myself? What must happen?
This point opened up today as I was faced with the physical reality of what would the consequences be if I do not start supporting myself, I experienced a breakdown over the smallest thing , and obviously, if I breakdown over the small stuff, one can only imagine how would I react to big problems / issues / decisions I may face - I experienced myself in such emotional instability that I couldn't decide the smallest decisions - so obviously I am not living as effectively as I can if I were to support myself to self realize, and stabilize myself - so I can see the level of instability I can easily reach over the little things, I can see the physical consequences of what's at stake and what I can lose, I can see the state of constant self disappointment for knowing I am not embracing myself, not supporting myself to become the best that I can be - I see all this, and I know I have the power and ability to give myself exactly what I need, to walk the process of self forgiveness to letting go of all of these self sabotaging patterns and rebirth myself as a being that is self supportive and trust worthy - so what am I waiting for?
So, here I am , starting over, committing myself to support myself or else - or else I will deem myself to feel miserable forever, deem myself to be unstable, deem myself to self judgment, deem myself to failure, deem myself to loneliness - I can either support myself to live here within breath in every moment, or I can kill myself a slow and painful death as I walk as the shadow of myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself daily, even though I knew within myself that this support is vital for my well being, and thus I have deliberately deprived myself of the required support I knew I needed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deprive myself of self support as writing myself to freedom, applying self forgiveness and self corrective statements, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand the consequences of depriving myself of such support, or actually, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to excuse myself from supporting myself within playing the ignorant card, as within the excuse that I don't see , realize and understand the value of applying these tools, but in fact I do know the value, and that is why I have experience such inner conflict as I was trying to wake myself up to see that which I have been trying to ignore
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not push through the distractions as resistance to writing within the habit of having everything come easy, or not doing anything if it involves effort
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as someone that doesn't push through effort, and thus I have limited myself to only participate with that which is easy and not challenging, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see how limiting this is and how I have deprived myself from expanding and growing within learning and pursuing new aspects that were not in my preprogrammed and automated path
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself and accept my own self created limitation, instead of allowing myself to see the value of pushing through and proving to myself that I am limitless and can in fact do anything and learn anything as long as I am willing to walk the physical steps in practical application
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create ideas about some things / chores / activities and define them as hard, and thus, to build up a resistance towards them, instead of simply walking in breath, the physical practical steps that are required to be walked to accomplish the specific point
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of fear towards such activities / responsibilities / chores, that I have not yet learned to do and thus within believing the idea I have in regards to them prevent myself from even trying to walk through them in fear - instead of letting go all ideas and simply walking the point practically in physical steps, within breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have lived like this al my life, and thus to have lost many opportunities I had because I feared pursuing them in believing an idea, instead of walking through life in breath, in physical reality, in finding solutions to any problems that come along instead of antisipating problems and within fear going the other way
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to walk here in breath, and thus, not trust myself to solve any problems that comes along, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to try to guess possible problems in anticipation and anxiety and thus to exist in my mind instead of here in reality where I can practically prepare myself to over come any obstacle.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Day 191 – Daily writing commitment restart – Day 1
Day 192 – 21 days of self dedication - day 2 - I am a pessimistic
Day 193 - 21 days of self dedication - day 3 - self sabotage
Day 194 - 21 days of self dedication – misusing the desteni process
Day 195 - 21 days of self dedication - part 5 – but I am still here
Day 196 -21 days of self dedication – part 6 - experience of isolation
Day 197 - 21 days of self dedication - self value - day 7
Day 198 - 21 days of self dedication - Self Value - self forgiveness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not taking advantage of the time I had on the farm
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project this judgment as a fear of others judging me for not being effective / accomplishing anything in the time I had here at the farm, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear meeting my family / friends when I return, in fear of being judged for how I spent / what I had done with my time
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into emotional possession as an experience of fear / anxiety / worry towards meeting the people back home and facing their criticism / judgment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed with emotions as anxiety towards my return, instead of supporting myself in writing as to open up and see the point of self judgment being projected as the source of my emotional breakdown, and within this to apply self forgiveness in taking self responsibility to change in the points that require correction, and let go the points that are merely a mind created and false judgment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be effective in the time I had here at the farm, within not actually pushing myself in every moment to see / find / do something that will benefit me within self support
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to instead of taking the time I had here at the farm, and making sure I use it as effective as I can, within realizing that time is only running in one direction, and that is out - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the fact that time is not on my side from the perspective that every moment lost will never come back, and so, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to act from within this understanding that there isn't much time though there is much work to be done
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for wasting my time and the time of others here at the farm for taking the time in their day to give me all the support that I needed but I had take it for granted, expecting something to happen / change because they were supporting me, not accepting the fact that with all the support that I get, I must support myself and commit myself to myself and dedicate myself to myself in order for anything to happen / change in my world and experience / relationship of / with myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself, even here in this supportive environment, to be self honest, to communicate in self honesty, and instead I have put on an act, trying to always keep my cool, trying to always seem ok, and only when the energy build up was too much for me to handle would I uncontrollably explode with emotion - thus, not using this supportive platform effectively, in learning how to communicate to others in asking for support, and in learning how to support myself when I see so clearly that something is building up within myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and my time at the farm according to an idea of how it should have been to have been effective and supportive and within that I am not allowing myself to walk my own process here within seeing in self honesty what it had in fact been, not in relation to an idea but in simply in reality, and within seeing what actually was to learn form it, as appose to judge myself for it based to comparing myself to an idea
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see all the insights and realizations I have picked up at the time I spent in the farm, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not seeing / realizing, instead of simply leaving it as is, and within this allowing the realizations to come up from within me, and not from judgment / fear / expectation of the mind
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Monday, May 6, 2013
Day 191 – Daily writing commitment restart – Day 1
Day 192 – 21 days of self dedication - day 2 - I am a pessimistic
Day 193 - 21 days of self dedication - day 3 - self sabotage
Day 194 - 21 days of self dedication – misusing the desteni process
Day 195 - 21 days of self dedication - part 5 – but I am still here
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the experience of isolation
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and follow the thought that I don't know how to make friends, and so, when moving to a new place I will be isolated
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to validate my experience and fear of isolation through memories of me not initiating friendships, and thus, within holding on to these memories continue believing that it defines me as "I don't make friends"
Within this, I must investigate the definition I have given friendship, I have done this through out this blog series but obviously more investigation is required, as the point of isolation is related to the relationship I have with the definition I have given friendship.
As well as investigating the definition of being alone and standing alone - what does it mean to me and how can I define it in a self supportive way that I can live without polarity…
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to isolate myself from others through not allowing myself to be here and self honest within / as myself, but instead I present a character that I imagine / assume is what others will want to see / be with, in order to be accepted and avoid isolation - not realizing that I am isolating myself before any body even gets a chance to do so to me, by not ever communicating for real as who I am as self expression within vulnerability.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe this experience / character of isolation defines me, not realizing that by my participation I am giving it it's energy
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be dedicated to myself within actually investigating each thought / back chat that comes up in regards to the experience / self belief of isolation - within this, I realize that without forgiving and letting go of the hold on all that I have towards these memories, and thoughts / back chat, and without investigating the memories I will not be able to set myself free from this point - it is common sense, if I don't do anything about it - nothing will happen / change - and it would be a shame, because it is clear that this experience is not what is best for me, nor anyone, and so why would I allow and accept it to continue?
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that when a thought comes up and I then go into an emotional reaction - I am showing myself a preprogramed design, as I have not created this thought in that moment in awareness, and thus, it must have come from somewhere - thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take every thought / back chat / belief for granted as the truth of me and my reality, and not actually question the validity and see if their structure is at all acceptable by me - within this, I forgive myself for never stopping myself and investigating the origin of these thoughts / back chat, within allowing myself to see that they are coming from a data base of self definitions, created by accumulation of charged memories , and each time I participate with a thought and allow myself to be dragged into the emotional body, I am feeding the mind with the substance of my body, feeding the energy body until it is triggered to explode, as to when I have an emotional breakdown, as the energy dissipates, and then, without investigating and clearing up the point, there is no change, and thus, the energy begins to accumulate again, until the next explosion.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize that within each such situation, I have an opportunity to stop myself from following and accepting the emotion experience / charge as myself, but instead to follow in awareness the line of energy, as to see be able to clearly see in full awareness where it leads me to - and through it all that I see, to forgive myself, and let go, and in physical reality when the point comes up - I stop myself and breathe
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow self beliefs, based on selected and highlighted past memories to be my god, and to direct and decide who I will be - within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself, as my application, to past memories, that I have selectively chosen to prove to myself a specific character to be true - and so I have allowed myself to exist in an endless loop where the subconscious mind triggers thoughts for me to become emotional within an energetic charge, re-fueling the character, and so I do, and so I act in such a way that validates my self belief and so I believe it that much more to be true - when in fact it has created and recreated myself as the character / personality through my participation, and thus actually, it is all my creation and responsibility.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to actually look and open up the point of isolation, but instead to drift away to the general self forgiveness, which is valid and necessary as well, but seems to be a distraction at the moment, from actually focusing on the point of isolation
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear open up this point and to expose myself within the details of experiencing myself as isolated
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to isolate myself through trapping myself in isolation within not allowing myself to share this point to myself firstly and to others, as support for myself and others as myself - instead I hide in fear and isolation
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find justifications to feel isolated within every social group, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as isolated from the people that are walking the desteni process.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid / resist in fear making relationships / communications with others that are walking the desteni process, and thus living out the belief that I am isolated and do “not make friends”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire friendships / communication within a starting point of having someone to support me - thus, indicating that I am not yet willing to stand up alone within myself and support myself for / as myself, but instead want to develop relationships for this reason, of having a support team - thus not wanting an unconditional communication and enjoyable time with another, but rather, what I want is to trap them in my web to then have them as mine, and then can ask for support at all times and without any hesitation, as is within my definition of friendship
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I want friendships out of pure self interest as to have someone to look after me, instead of standing up and looking out for myself - within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see this actual point, but instead to believe in friendships and their value and support, while in fact I have been using them as a way to get out of taking self responsibility - as a point of shared responsibility – having the responsibility / blame / shame ‘ guilt fall on the backs of us all, rather then just mine - within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fear being alone, taking responsibility / growing up and facing myself here, as the totality of myself, in order to correct myself and change myself into a being of worth and dignity that can stand alone and can stand with others as oneself in self honesty and self support, supporting self and as all self as one and equal.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blog:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to push myself, as to actually put in the effort, dedication and commitment to push myself, to motivate myself, to move myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to find my "inner force" of which to push myself from, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in separation from my "inner force" as within a belief that there is a force separate from me, that I must find within myself and use, instead of realizing myself as one and equal with the force as myself, and thus realize that it isn't a separate force that must be found within myself but rather it is I that I mist find within self honesty, and within realizing myself as who I am and what I have become, to from knowing myself become the strength of me as me, not in separation, but as the living expression as me.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to push myself beyond my comfort zone, to push myself through the resistance, and within this allowing the force of the mind, as resistance to movement, to direct and control me, to force me into stagnation, not realizing that the force of the mind is in fact using my force as myself as my physical body, and thus, it's the greatest self manipulation / deception, as I am avoiding using my force on the one hand, and on the other hand my force is being used against me as my mind as resistance as myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that in every moment of every breath I am in fact making a choice, I am either directing myself or allowing myself to be directed by the mind as following my feelings / emotions / thoughts / beliefs / fears / resistances and so on, and within allowing myself to be directed and controlled by the mind, as the choice I make in each moment, I am allowing myself to exist in consequences where I, and others, pay the price for my actions and words
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am not changing because it is time for action yet I am not taking action, and thus I am allowing myself to exist in inner conflict as I know what I must do yet I don't allow myself to do it as practical physical application, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, when opportunity presents itself, as an opportunity I can walk out of my pattern as giving up / procrastination / self judgment and so on, instead of standing up within myself, I allow myself to give up once again, knowing in full awareness that I am harming myself, knowing in full awareness that I am going against myself, yet I do not stand and do not walk the practical application
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately give myself excuses and justifications and reasons and distractions as to not do that which I know I must do, to not dedicate in practicality to that which I know I must dedicate myself to - and thus, with every moment of every day I am allowing myself to drift further away from myself as myself in self honesty, as I grow the gap between myself as who I am and myself as who I want to become as self expression of self honesty and self responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself deliberately as I see an opportunity of change and don't take it, and as I see it pass by me I take into consideration and calculate the price I will pay as self judgment, though I do not allow myself to see the entire picture, and so I am blinded by self interest within making the short term calculation of "oh, then I will not apply myself now and will experience some self judgment, I can take it" not seeing that it's not all about how I will experience myself for a few moments, because every moment that I allow myself to be directed by the mind I weaken myself as life, I abuse myself as life, I disregard myself as life, and thus I allow within my acceptance for all to participate in such construct, as I give my permission through my example of disregarding / abusing / weakening life itself - and so, I make my decision based on short sighted self interest, not allowing myself to see and realize the actual consequences of my participation within giving up as self diminishment - not even seeing the actual harm and abuse I am causing myself, never mind any body else - and so I make this decision blinded, within ignorance is bliss, but within myself in self honesty I know I must stand up for life as myself, though I am too careless to care enough about myself or anyone in existence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, over the years, program myself to such an extent of enslavement to the mind, as to not care about myself or anything / anyone in existence, to not care for life, and so, I exist only within self interest of the mind, pretending to care, pretending to be good, when I do not even allow myself to do the one most basic thing as to care for myself, to look after myself in self respect self honor and self dignity, within living as an example of self responsibility in self honesty - where, as long as I can't live as self expression of self care / honor / respect, how can I ever believe myself to be anything but self interest and pure evil - just as a mother that will not care or her children, abuse them and disregard their life - as that mother towards her child - I am towards myself - and it is equally unacceptable and a reflection of the evil ways of self interest.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to come to this conclusion time and time again, yet, when the point is here for me to stand up for myself, to stand up and support myself through self corrective application, as to write myself out, to self investigate any reaction that come up within me, to forgive myself and correct myself in breath - when these opportunities arrive, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to direct myself to walk these points, but instead to ignore them as myself time and time again, not realizing that I am deeming myself into a time lop, as the point will be walked sooner or later, and thus, every time I miss the opportunity I am simply delaying the next point to open up, while inviting this one to open up with greater force
I realize I have been avoiding looking at the specifics of this point, as opening up the dimensions as the actual back chat, thoughts, imaginations, connection, definitions, fears - all points as the specific mind components that have been building up this point of giving up, as not applying myself, as self sabotaging my process, and so, I commit myself to walk this point through in all it's dimensions, because I realize that without seeing all the small details of this point I will not be able to free myself from it.
To be continued
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Friday, March 8, 2013
for context please read my previous blogs:
Day 160 – A life changing Decision
Day 161 - Shame - I've done nothing with my life
Day 162 - Running ahead of myself
Day 163 - Running ahead of myself - Self forgiveness
Day 164 - Enslaved to Memories - Failed opportunity relived
Day 165 - Enslaved to Memories – Correction
Day 166 - Enslaved to Memories - Money and Morality
Day 168 - Falling like a leaf, or following your self direction - what do you chose?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the experience as a self created belief, that making decisions is hard, and thus I have accepted within every decision I had to make, the experience of anxiety as an integral part of it, not allowing myself to be here in breath, and apply common sense within self trust to simply make a decision within self trust
Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept fear to be a part of any decision I have ever made, within a starting point of fear of "making the wrong decision" within the belief that there is the "right" decision and there is the "wrong" decision - this within not trusting myself as believing myself to be clueless, I have allowed myself to exist in self doubt and thus to have self doubt as my starting point, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to utilize common sense and make a directive decision within investigating all points and "going for " that which I have calculated to be the most effective option - but rather I have hidden behind self doubt and allowed myself to stand still / frozen in place, for as long as I can, and thus postponing making the decision to avoid picking the "wrong" option in fear of making a mistake.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid making decisions within fear of making a mistake, and thus have allowed myself to postpone making a decision and wait for the decision to make itself through reality unfolding and options falling away due to other people making decisions, and thus, I have allowed myself to be subject to other people's decision making instead of standing up within myself, and taking a chance, and directing myself, and making a decision for "better" or worse" within realizing that if I don't trust myself within making sure I am looking at the point in common sense and investigating the options, I end up trusting someone else, while I don't know what was their motivation for the action / decision they took, within this I realize that by not making a decision and waiting for the decision to "make itself" I am abdicating self responsibility and not actually ensuring the best outcome possible, because I have taken myself out of the game so to speak, instead of being an active participant and contributing myself through making decisions in self trust within utilizing common sense.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that while I avoid making decisions, decision are still being made, yet I have given my power away and thus cannot influence the outcome but am put myself in a position of an observer, as one that can only complain about the result, and thus have separated myself from the situation and from reality within fear of making a mistake, yet I haven’t realized that one cannot separate oneself from reality, because all in reality is interconnected, and thus, by not standing up within myself and making decisions and walking them in self trust, I have been given my permission to others to make the decision for me, and thus am responsible for the decisions being made, even though I wasn't making them - because within not making a decision I am in fact making the decision to follow others, within giving away my power and ability to influence the outcome to others, and thus am responsible for what they decide and do just as much as if it were me making the direct decision, even though I have not effect of what they decide and do - within this I realize that when I abdicate my opportunity to make decisions and direct myself within my life, I am not in fact abdicating self responsibility, because one remains responsible at all times, all I am doing is giving away my direct influence and contribution, as a statement that I am not worthy of participating and that others / the world will be better off if others decide - but that is bullshit, because I have not the ability to investigate “their” starting point, I can only investigate my own, and thus, only through making direct decision can I ensure that I am contributing to reality and to myself that which I stand by as what is best for all, and every decision that I do not make I am allowing any other starting point to take control, and I am in fact responsible for the outcome
When and as I see myself avoiding making a decision, within the experience of anxiety / fear within not trusting that I know what to do, I stop myself and breathe, I support myself through writing and open up the point / decision that I am facing to see more clearly what am I dealing with, I realize that I do know within myself, within self honesty, what is the decision that I must make, and thus I support myself through writing to reveal myself the answer that I hold within me, in realize that the experience of "not knowing what to do" is a self manipulation tactics to hide from myself in self interest, and thus, I investigate through asking myself questions as to why do I fear facing that which I know within myself in self honesty that I must do - this within realizing that within myself, I have the answer to myself, and I can either find the answer within myself in self honesty as what is best for all in equality and oneness, or I can manipulate myself to hide myself the answer and exist in self interest and fear. Thus, I commit myself to investigate any point within me that I see / find myself avoiding making a decision, I commit myself to get to the bottom of why am I sabotaging myself from being direct and self honest, what am I hiding from myself and why - and within this, through practicing and within and as breath, I will build self trust, one decision at a time.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Saturday, February 16, 2013
The point of inadequacy came up again. you are welcome to read my previous blogs on inadequacy:
Day 143 – Inadequacy
Day 144 - Inadequacy - a child gymnast
Day 145 - Inadequacy - Child's Play
Day 147 - Inadequacy - forgiving childhood play time
Day 148 - Inadequacy - Reading difficulties
Day 149 - Inadequacy – Self Created Reading Difficulties
Day 150 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food
Day 151 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food – Part 2 - Preparing Wraps
Day 152 - Inadequacy – Preparing Food – Part 3 – Farm Chicken
Day 153 - Inadequacy – Creativity – Part 1
Day 154 - Inadequacy - Creativity - Self forgiveness
Even by defining one rout the easy one and the other a risk I can already see that I am altering my perspective, not allowing myself to see clearly the two option, and already infecting my decision with fear. I was never much of a risk taker, always preferred to play it safe.
What do I fear? Well, I've never been independent before, especially financially independent, I never had to provide for myself, I always had a safety net to fall back on, and because I was so used to my safety net, I never used it as a safety net, but more like a flexible floor, I never struggled for money, I always had jobs that didn't completely sustain me, because I could afford it due to my safety net.
Having money to fall back on was both a blessing and a curse, though now, looking at the consequences as the inadequacy I have created as myself as a result, it maybe more of a curse than a blessing - thanks to the money I had, I lived the life I believe everyone should live, everyone should have the sense of security, knowing that whatever comes up they will have the ability to take care of it, which in our world, in the current system, it means having the finance to take care of anything that comes up. Everyone would be better off living a life where they are not enslaved to a job they don't want to do, just to earn their living - even those words are insane, as in the current system we have to earn our living, we are not granted the right for life just for being alive - we must earn it.
So why do I say it is a curse? Well, in our current system as it is, if one cannot provide for oneself, they are basically screwed, money equals life, money is security, money is food / health / education / cloths / transportation, in the current money system one must have money or the ability to make money in order to survive and feel secure. For me, because I had enough to get by and then some, I never had to push myself to work for a living, I had it easy, I could work but didn't have to, so I did work, but because I didn't have to provide for myself I worked at low paying jobs, and it was never within the experience of survival. The problem was that "having it easy" can be a curse, a curse because I used it as an excuse to not live out my highest potential - what I mean is, because I didn't struggle for money, when I would meet an obstacle I didn't have to push through it, and so I didn't, I gave up, and that had become my pattern, and throughout time it had developed to a self belief that I am incapable of providing for myself, simply because I never had to do it, and thus, I never did.
So, anyway, now I'm faced with making this decision, and by taking the "risky" choice I will be forced to face myself big time - I will not have my safety net anymore, I will actually have to make it in the system in order to survive, I will have to push myself and not give up, because now, giving up would have severe consequences - as I'm writing this out, I experience shame, shame for not having the integrity to push myself regardless of having that financial safety net - I enslaved myself to my money through allowing myself to limit myself and not explore myself but instead hide behind the convenience of not having to push myself. I experience shame because instead of using the money in a productive way, I have used it as a crutch - I was leaning on a crutch even though I could actually walk on both my legs, and just like the physical body, when you use a crutch when it's unnecessary you will create consequences, as your legs will become weak and dependent, when you actually had the power to walk all along, but gave your power away to the crutch. I'm ashamed because, I had it all, unlike people that are born into poverty or any type of struggle, I had the opportunity to create myself as what ever I wanted, but I didn't, I didn't take the opportunity that was given to me, instead I had made it into a "golden cage", trapping myself in it, braking off my wings piece by piece, until reaching a point that I truly believe I cannot fly.
So, this is my curse that I inflicted upon myself, using a crutch when I could walk, and now, I don't believe in myself, I don't have the confidence that walking is possible, walking became a point of intimidation me, as I see all my friends walking and running, and I will just have to start over the whole process, starting with crawling, making the mistakes of the beginner and pushing myself to breathe through it to allow myself to learn to walk, realizing that I must do it, I must walk this process or I will never brake this self sabotaging self belief of inadequacy - it's a point of establishing self trust - yes, it would have been cool if I had done this years ago, using my safety net a support system instead of a limiting crutch, but I didn't, and now, the choice I am facing is to do it without a safety net, or not do it at all.
Not doing it would mean giving in to my fear, giving in to my experience of inadequacy, and once again not giving myself the opportunity to brake through this pattern, just as I haven't allowed myself to brake through in the past, by limiting myself and tying myself down by my safety net and fears. Doing it would mean that I will really have to do it, it won't be a game anymore, I will have to actually work hard, put in the effort, the time, the dedication, make mistakes and correct the while still standing and pushing through, in order to allow myself to expand, allow myself to live out my highest potential, allow myself to free myself from the chains I had tied myself down with.
As I'm writing this out I realize I have made my decision, there is still that voice in my head shouting out "Wait, don't do it!! What if you fall? What if you lose everything? How will you ever pick yourself up?" but I realize this is the voice of my mind, arguing for my own limitation, and I am grateful for this voice, as it is showing me exactly who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, as I have allowed myself to follow this voice of fear, as I have allowed myself to exist in fear, be directed by fear, and never actually do anything, express myself, take risks, because of the fear, coming up as future projections of all that can go wrong - but, is this who I want to be for the rest of my life? The answer is clear.
I realize this road might be bumpy, but in order to free myself I must allow myself to lose everything that has been holding me back from being myself as self expression, at this point I see it's my safety net that I have allowed myself to be restricted by, and as long as I hold onto it, and allow myself to make decisions based on the fear of losing it, I will have never lived, I will always remain but a portion of who I really am as life, as expression, as expansion.
Now that the decision is made, the journey is only starting, in my next blogs I will write out self forgiveness and corrective statement in order to prepare the way before me, to let go the points that have been holding me back and find within me the correction, so when I walk this path I am prepared.
At the moment I am experiencing a combination of excitement, anxiety and a stability - this is a weird mixture of experiences, as they seem to all contradict each other yet somehow they are all here. I'll investigate them as well in my next blogs to come.
thanks
for specific support in regards to making decision, consider investing in yourself the following EQAFE interview
REPTELIANS – Decision Making, Part 1, Part 2
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
I find that when I am placed with options, making a decision is hard for me. It's hard for a few reasons, I don't want to make the wrong choice, so I will avoid making the decision, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I will avoid making the decision and just wait for circumstances to direct me, I don't want to take responsibility as being accountable for the decision I had made so I will ovoid making the decision and I will pass on the decision to someone else, and so on and so forth.
There are so many points in my day where a direct decision is called for and as many as they are, are number of the excuses of avoidance - I realize this is a point of fear, as if it takes such courage to make a decision and I have been too much of a cowered, afraid of the consequences of the decision I make, but not considering the consequence of not making the decision, the consequence of not taking responsibility, the consequence of being directed by fear of conflict and emotional manipulation, the consequence of not allowing myself to be the directive principle within applying common sense within the principle of equality as what is best for all - instead I have been living that which supports and feeds my fears, as every time I avoid making a decision due to fear I am giving more power to my fears and taking away from my directive power, doing so within justifying it with all sorts of self definitions as I protect the personalities I believe myself to be, as I accept myself as limited to a specific personality, as I suppress myself to such an extent that I don't even know what I would chose if I would allow myself to be free to chose.
People talk about freedom, having free choice - but what choice have I ever utilized if I have always just been following my mind, from one emotional reaction to another, being directed by justifications, beliefs and fears - all within self interest as the interest of the mind, to keep me in the dark, blind to what is here as the physical as life, blind to myself, to keep me believing I am the mind as I identify with the thoughts, emotions and feeling that come up within me but not directly by me, yet I believe them to define me - all so that the mind can go on and survive while I don't allow myself to live. Such a fuck up - and I have been the one allowing it.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to make decisions due to fear, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face the fact that I have never made a decision and have always ever only been directed by the mind as a lifeless puppet being told what to do and how to be by my thoughts, within self interest to "feel good" at the expense of not even living. What a price to pay….
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my desire to feel good and thus have always acted within this desire, thus not allowing myself to express myself in any way that might threaten my chances of feeling good, not realizing that not expressing myself is the highest price to pay as I have been paying with my life as who I am, and for what? For a momentary buzz of happiness that eventually goes away leaving me desiring more and more because I have diminished myself once again, suppressed myself once again for the sake of my addiction, leaving me with less than what I had as I have allowed myself to give my power away as the price of a momentary glimpse of happiness, not realizing that true happiness can only exist without fear and as the expression of self as happiness - without allowing myself the freedom of self expression, happiness will always be a fraction, an idea, an attempt, a cheap replacement for the real thing, that can only be achieved through self honesty in every moment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make decisions within the consideration of pleasing others and not hurting their feelings and thus compromising myself and not considering myself as who I am within self honesty, thus compromising life as I make a statement within my acceptance that I would expect others to compromise themselves for my emotional manipulations as well, and thus I am participating, creating and accepting a world where all compromise themselves and no one lives as who they are in self acceptance and acceptance of others, but a world of limitation, manipulation and compromise, a world of suppression where no one is actually living - I realize that as long as I don't will myself to correct this point I am giving my permission for all suppression to exist as I allow it to exist within me, giving permission to all emotional manipulation to exist as I am participating within it as I allow myself to be manipulated and directed by emotions - is this the world that I want for myself? Is this a world that I can trust to support all living beings? No - this is a world that thrives on self interest and fear - thus to stop this abuse and neglect of life I must start with myself.
I commit myself to investigate any point of avoidance, within investigating the trigger point as the why am I not allowing myself to express myself as the decision, and to walk the correction from self forgiveness into physical practical application
Sunday, December 16, 2012
This blog is a part of a blog series “physics and the Desteni Process”
Day 1 - Physics and the Desteni Process - Introduction
Day 2 - Physics and the Desteni Process – Newton's First Law of Motion - the Principle of Inertia
Day 3 - Physics and the Desteni Process - Newton's Third Law of Motion - Equal Force
Day 4 - Physics and the Desteni Process - Newton's Second Law of Motion
I have moved the physics blog series to a separate blog : http://physicsjournettolife.blogspot.com/
Yesterday, in my blog, I walked an argument, step by step, in common sense, and showed, that the scientific notion, that mass is passively subject to forces around it, indicates that there is a higher power, a law of nature, a god, an external force that is directing existence - but immediately I disregarded it because it doesn't coincide with my belief system as I have never believed there is a god, so how can I allow myself to prove it's existence? I realize that what I have done is in alignment with how science has always allowed itself to be, as scientists could only ever prove that which is in alignment with their belief system, instead of looking at the facts as the physical evidence and not influence the experiment with ideas and beliefs . Thomas Kuhn, described this phenomena in "The Structure of Scientific Revolutions", he explains that we have always existed within a dominant Paradigm, an agreed and accepted model of reality, accepted through being proven by experiments, but it's not just that we are confined to the realm of knowledge that we have been able to discover through valid experimentation, Kuhn explains that the Paradigm itself, as the model we use to view reality by, has been based and constructed on preconceptions which embody hidden assumptions and elements which cannot be directly seen. And thus he shows that science has always been confined to the limitation of the accepted preconceptions, yet had been presented through the experiments it held, making it seem valid as the ultimate truth, more than it actually ever was, not revealing the hidden assumptions that the whole pile of cards was standing on.
It was fascinating because I saw myself do it as I was doing it. I actually surprised myself with the common sense line of reason I was going by but then I allowed myself to react to the conclusion I ended up with - I allowed myself to follow my reaction, as I allowed the force of the reaction to direct me, as I allowed myself to be subject to external forces instead of remaining here, as directive principle, stable within awareness and simply continue to follow the equation in common sense.
The following part is extracted from my previous blog, I have highlighted the points I recognize as the points of reaction, as well as the points of self conflict as I'm not in alignment with myself because I was writing out of fear, trying to hide what I had just found and only show what I wanted to show to begin with, in a way I mock my own findings instead of allowing myself to investigate them purely, as a true scientist:
“The idea that mass is a passive object creates a paradox that can be solved either through the acceptance of a god almighty or some other external mystery force that is the sole director of this reality, or by accepting the idea that the mass is it's own directive principle and that everything in reality is self responsible…”
here I don’t allow myself to see that the two points can, and do, exist simultaneously, and don’t contradict each other as I initially feared, as I clearly show later in the post, we are in fact subject to external forces, so there is no point in denying it, nor placing value or judgment over it – it simply is what is here.
“As far as I see it there are three options, 1) there is a god that is directing everything, and making us do the scientific experiments that we do, and is in fact the directive principle and the sole responsible for all that is here - I see this as a great way to bale out of taking responsibility”
here again I am trapped in the notion that the option that there is a god must be debunked and thus i do not see that the to conclusions that did not have a simplistic common sense argument against them, must be equally investigated and might be equally valid, as they seam to be now, when looking at it with fresh eyes. but see here how instead of giving a valid argument i mock the idea, and continue on as if it was valid.
“or 3) everything has awareness, equally, but we have all abdicated our responsibility of ourselves and of reality as existence as a whole, thus we must self realize, we must find ourselves within ourselves within the physical as the physical - this is in essence the desteni process, a process of self empowerment so that we can be more than who we have accepted ourselves to be as enslaved to mysterious forces that are directing us”
here I can’t escape the point that I so wanted to disregard, though I am not aware that I’m using the argument that i was trying to push away.
“but rather investigate ourselves within the starting point of self honesty and realize that we are ourselves, and thus can realize ourselves as who we are, what we do, why we do it, so that within realizing this, we can become self aware and equalize ourselves to the forces that are as of yet exerted at us, and direct them as our own force, then all in existence can do the same equally, because we are all connected within the interactions that we exist in.”
here I am again, using the fact that there are forces exerted at us at the base of my argument, yet not allowing myself to admit it…
I am grateful this had happened, and I ask you to read this series of blogs using critical reasoning, question what I am saying, investigate for yourself, take responsibility for the information you are reading, not only here, but everywhere, and realize that I am learning this with you as i am walking this, so if you have any questions or clarifications, please write me a comment so that i can further investigate the point and clear it for both you and myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the conclusion I came to as "there must be a higher power directing us" instead of allowing myself to remain stable and continue my investigation and trust myself within common sense that whatever I find is valid to be investigated and looked at, and not to be overlooked and brushed away out of fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that the conclusions I come to won't coincide with the point I am trying to make, that I will find a contradiction between the laws of physics and the desteni message, which up to now have proven to be aligned and thus I fear them not being, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I will be able to overcome any contradiction through common sense within realizing the actual law that govern reality as equality and oneness, which is the solution to be realized in order to bring about a reality that is best for all, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt the basic law of reality as equality and oneness and within allowing myself to doubt within fear, I have allowed myself to alter the conclusions and thus compromising the research, instead of realizing that if equality and oneness is actually the law of reality, there would be no contradictions, and thus with further investigation I will find a way to walk the point step by step in common sense, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fear, fear which would be the cause for me to not find the specific steps but instead to jump over and skip, as the mind does, and thus to harm/compromise the research I am holding, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my fears, not realizing the consequences of such actions as not having a valid research and thus compromising myself and the group of humanity as a whole.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the desteni massage as a belief, instead of letting go the belief within self trust that whatever is here - is here, and thus if I find a contradiction instead of going into fear I go into further investigation to through investigating within self honesty to trust myself that what I find is valid, within realizing that if a point is walked in specificity and common sense without reaction as holding on to beliefs, within self honesty and consideration of that which is here as the physical reality - it will always be aligned with the forces of nature as what is here, aligned with the law of reality and thus, within self trust, within consistent and uncompromising investigation, I am sure to find what is here, what has always been here, as the truth of reality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my beliefs to influence myself and direct me, to then, within the reaction to the conclusion that I had come to, try and manipulate the information to say what I initially wanted to say, and thus have participated in presenting bias information as not presenting the simple facts within common sense step by step, but have allowed myself to alter the conclusions to fit my belief system within the self interest of not wanting my belief system to be compromised within not wanting myself to change within allowing the force of inertia, the resistance to change, to be greater and more powerful than me, instead of remaining here, within and as breath, as the directive principle of/as myself within self trust, and walk within/as breath, step by step.
I pause for a moment and investigate this statement "equality and oneness is the law that govern reality" - I investigate it to make sure I am not falling right back into a form of belief, but can prove this to myself within common sense, step by step - this law is actually very simplistic, what it means is that the cause will always be equal to the effect, the starting point will always be equal to the outflow, and the one cannot exist without the other, thus they are one, the same as any point of polarity that can only exist with the other side of the polarity existing equally, thus they both co-exist as one, and for balance to maintain they must be equal - and this is all is going on in this one reality, this one universe that we all share and co-exist, there is nothing in the universe that can be taken out of the equation in separation.
I commit myself to slow myself down within this investigation, and to not allow myself to alter the conclusions to fit my belief system, within this I commit myself to investigate the points until I am satisfied that all steps are aligned in common sense, as I realize that skipping steps and jumping to conclusions is a property of the mind, as the mind doesn't walk in a breath by breath movement, skipping steps is not aligned with physical forces as the forces of nature, as reality, within realizing that the physical, as the force of nature, as god, as the law that dictate all that is here, does not skip steps but follows the law of nature which is itself, and thus within common sense I realize that I can brake anything down and show all the steps of common sense in the equation and not be dependent on the mind and my belief system because I know all the answers and all the steps are here and thus can be exposed and discovered, if only I don't alter and manipulate the physical evidence to suit me in self interest.
I commit myself to if I see myself reacting to a point that I have reached through common sense, to investigate what am I holding on to, what set of beliefs I am not willing to let go, I commit myself to investigate the definition I have given god for example, in order to expand myself and allow myself to define whatever it is in alignment with what is here as the principle of equality and oneness, thus redefine if necessary in order to remain aligned with what is here as the physical, and the basic laws of nature.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Desteni
Desteni Wiki
Desteni Forum
Desteni I Process
Equal Money System
Journey to Life Group
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Creation's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Earth's Journey to Life
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
