Day 32 - War and Self Interest

This morning I had an interesting experience during  our morning conversation where we talked about the possibility of there being a big nuclear war. Looking at the history it's easy to see that every time there was an economic crises in the world economy, it has been "solved" through bringing about a big war, to distract the people, to create jobs, to destroy and then to build…. I don't understand how war creates money, but apparently it does. Obviously not all benefit from the money made at war, and many people will suffer and die, but nevertheless, it's the capitalistic way.

During our talk I had a "scary thought" about nuclear war in Israel (where I come from), and I was flushed by a sadness of seeing in my mind a quick image of everything and everybody being totally burned to the ground and completely wiped out, the next thought was about the suffering and death of my family and friends, and the next one was about the loss I would experience when they've all gone and I will be left an orphan within no friends/family/country, all alone.

So I'm sitting there, feeling sad and sorry for those I care about dying in a horrible/painful death, when I then realized the self-interest/deception within it all, is ones death more painful than another's? Am I sad for my loss or for their death? Am I sad for them dying or for their pain and suffering?

It suddenly hit me that people are actually dying as I am writing this blog, people are starving, people are being raped, sold as sex slaves… and there is a war going on all the time, people are being shot every day…. And I am sitting here feeling sad and sorry for the idea of my loved ones dying when actual real live people are dying in pain and suffering all the time and I don't care.

The conversation was very emotional to me, first the point of fear of loss and pain/suffering of my loved ones, and then the realization of all the suffering that is going on at the very moment, to other people, that I don't know, but they are alive and suffering and I don't fucking care. So I was faced in disbelief to my disregard of life, to my indifference to the cruelty that I am allowing as this system to go on undisturbed, while I worry about a war that hasn’t started that will perhaps hurt people I know.

I'm not sure I'm getting the point across, I know it's natural to care for those that we love, but does that mean it's ok not to care for those we don't know? Is it acceptable that people/animals are suffering while it can be prevented, but we are just allowing it because it's not our loved ones…. What the fuck!!!

As I said, I am Israeli, so we mention the memory of the holocaust every year. One major point that is brought up is how the world sat around and did nothing while so many people were slaughtered. And I ask you now, how can we sit around and do nothing while so many are being tortured by the system and do nothing??????? How can we accept all the suffering that is created by our fellow human beings and sit back and allow it. We are participating through our allowance; we are responsible through our allowance. And we must pay the consequences through our allowance. We can try to hide our responsibility behind the fact that we are not directly hurting anybody, but looking within self-honesty – is that really true? Are we not hurting ourselves as the expression of life by not standing up as what is best for all within equality and stopping the horror show that we have allowed to go on?

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience fear towards nuclear war

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear there being a nuclear war in Israel, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into energetic reaction of fear/sadness/distress

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine the image of a nuclear war in Israel and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react emotionally to the image presentation I have created in my mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my friends/family in a nuclear war and to remain all alone in the world, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place more value on my "loved ones" than on other beings just because I am 'connected' to them, not taking into consideration other people's pain/suffering just because I don't know them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be saddened by the idea of losing everybody in war because I fear being left alone, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to actually consider the pain/suffering of the people but only see my own suffering within self-interest within not wanting to be left alone

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the actual abuse/pain/suffering being will be going through if a war does break through and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to inly consider myself within self-interest not taking into account anything and anyone as nature/animals/people that will be harmed by a way

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself of being a  good/nice/caring person when in fact I am no better than any abuser that acts within self-interest because I have allowed myself to exist within/as sell-interest as who I have allowed myself to become, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as a good/caring character because it is socially more accepted in the society I come from, and thus to hide the hidden manipulations that I have allowed  to be the force of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to even in the face of war/murder/painful death to choose my own self-interest as worrying about how I will be left alone within family/friends and not consider the bigger picture of all the suffering of earth/nature/animals/humans as result of war

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value one death over another

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that all men are created equally and thus all pain/suffering/death is equal to all people, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value the death/suffering of those I know, placing their lives as more valuable than other people's lives, within that actually implying that I value my life more than anyone's life because the only reason I have cared for those is because of self-interest, because I don't prefer to be left alone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prefer people dye in war within a starting point of resistance to have to face their suffering, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the world only from the narrow eyes of self interest instead of allowing myself to expand and be one with all life, within taking everything into consideration within realizing I am one and equal to all in existence and thus all is me as one and equal, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself as one and equal but instead to remain closed off in my mind as self-interest induced by fear/justifications/characters, anything to keep me trapped and not to realize myself as life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately stay trapped within/as my mind because of self-interest of not wanting to take self-responsibility because I want to in fact be on top at the expense of other, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to go of the ideas of the mind to be able to free myself from the self-created/enforced prison I have been existing as, not actually living, not actually supporting myself as life, but only pretending to be alive and care about life, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to actually care about life as all as one as equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in separation to such a extent that people are dying within suffering/pain/abuse all around me and I do not care/do anything to stop it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to occupy myself within/as the mind and within/as self-interest activities to distract myself from actually seeing all the pain/abuse/suffering in the world because if I would in fact see it I could ignore it within the excuse of ignorance anymore

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard life as one and equal to/as myself

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that when I disregard life I am in fact disregarding myself as life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse of ignorance to ignore life, through distracting me with my preoccupations, doing anything but allowing myself to see the actual brutal/abusive reality of existence that I have been creating and participating within/as, only to hide from myself the participation because it is too hard to admit and to look at, and thus to blame others for creating all the suffering while I have done nothing to stop it

Self Commitment 

I commit myself to stop myself within as breath when I become emotional about pain/suffering of loved ones, because I have realized the deception within caring/valuing ones death over anothers, within that I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when reacting emotionally because I realize it is energizing/feeding the mind and is of  no practical physical support to the situation and thus to self  

I commit myself to open my eyes as to the abuse/pain going on around me and to realize within/through self-investigation my participation within/as all of it, I commit to stop hiding from myself the pain/abuse within justifications/excuses as if I had nothing to do with it because I realize that I am participating with every aspect of existence in every breath I take within the principle of equality and within not doing a thing to change it

I commit myself to building self-respect through committing myself to walking a daily process as I understand that the only point I am actually able to change is self, and thus I commit myself to change myself through writing/self-forgiveness/self-honesty/corrective statement, because I realize that is the tools I have to change myself into a being that respect life as one and equal, as I've realized that only through/as equality/oneness can this world be corrected and actually enjoyable

I commit myself to walking a daily process to change myself because I realize that if I can change anyone can change, and along as I don't change and don't stop the abusive/disregarding behavior I have accepted as myself, nothing is going to change

I commit myself to look at myself within/as self-honesty, to take responsibility for who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become and to change myself in alignment within the principle of equality to never again allow abuse/war/suffering within myself and existence as myself