Friday, September 14, 2012

Day 30 – Redefining Weakness – Self Forgiveness

Continuing from my previous blogs:

Through investigating the design of weakness, and how I've defined myself as weak, I have come to a realization that any form of self-belittling is in fact a form of self-manipulation to defend the characters as self to protect/defend the construct of self-interest. I realize that any idea/belief about self is of the mind and thus is not real as life, furthermore, any idea/belief about self that justifies/excuses not taking self-responsibility, not investigating self-honesty, not changing within the principle of equality as what is best for all, not standing to support all life as equal, such as the idea/belief that self is weak in any way, is a direct and deliberate abuse towards self and towards all life as one and equal.

I realize that the belittling self-belief/idea is of no actual value or relevance in practical physicality, thus pointless. The only relevance it has is in the realm of the mind, where it creates "noise" as back chat to justify/excuse oneself from actually pushing through the resistance to change and from making the actual effort it takes to live a life that supports self as all life as one and equal through stopping all participation with that which supports abuse in any way/shape/form , within self and in the word system such as working towards an equal money system that values life and creates a practical platform for all to live a dignified life.

Any form of self belittling is unacceptable

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belittle myself as a form of justifying to myself the lack of self-application towards what is best for all, justifying the lack of application instead of actually pushing through the resistance and actually starting to apply myself within/as breath, within self-will as a self-commitment of changing myself to be one and equal within/as myself to be able to live as an example and thus prove to myself and others that change is possible as a living application in fact and not only a nice idea that is only talked about but never applied,

Thus, I commit myself to stopping myself within breath if/when I find myself belittling myself, and to investigate every point/aspect of the construct of self-belittling until I have walked through all the points within self-forgiveness, to ensure to myself that I will not fall in the trap of self-belittling again,

within that I commit myself to walk my process of becoming equal and one within/as myself, within walking through/as my mind, to get to know myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become to ensure I have walked all points and thus am able to trust myself to not fall in the traps of the mind because I have seen them all and have made a decision to walk within self-direction within/as breath, here, within/as the physical body, as self-support as what is best for all within equality.

Tin order to assist self in seeing different aspect of the word and help more layers reveal themselves, I will be sounding of the word, and placing associations to the sounds

Week = periodically, the pattern comes back periodically
wee = small,
eek = rejection/discussed,
sounds like squeak = wining, complaining  
weak knees = instability, prone to fall
Weekend = taking a brake/vacation   
wicked = manipulative, abusive

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold a negative energetic charge towards the word 'weak', within this I realize that the negative experience I have towards the word is a self-limitation, thus a form of self-control/restriction, thus I realize that as long as I am moved by the word within an energetic reaction, positive or negative, I canot be trusted as/with life, because I am prone to act within a starting point of the emotional/energetic reaction, thus, I commit myself to stopping myself within/as the energetic/emotional reaction towards the word 'weak', and instead to apply/correct myself when/as necessary to ensure I am not participating in the weak character

Redefining the word weak/weakness
I look at how to define the word as an expression of itself

Weakness (as experience/expression) – a point/expression of deliberate self-compromise through self-manipulation to 'get out' of standing as self-responsibility thus acting within deliberate self-interest and thus deliberate abuse towards self and others/existence as one and equal.

Within this definition above, weakness is unacceptable as it is abusing self as life, and postponing self from walking the process of birthing self into the physical as one and equal

I see within this definition that there is still judgment within me towards the word/expression as weak/weakness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge weakness, not realizing that allowing the judgment come up within me is a point of separation within hiding from myself the actual self-judgment as guilt I hold towards myself for all the times I have accepted and allowed myself to exist/express myself as weak, within that, I forgive myself for accepting and a allowing myself to live/express myself as weak and within the expression/self-belief as weak to allow myself to believe I cannot change/transcend this point, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that only from within accepting myself as the character of weakness I am telling myself that I cannot transcend weakness, thus I stop myself as the weak character, because I have seen how this character creeps up as back chat, I stop it as myself within/as breath and do not allow myself to go into my mind as back chat of self-belittling.

Weak/weakness as a living word is not defined through an idea/opinion/judgment, but is the actual definition of the word within practical physicality, and does not stand within comparison/polarity.

Weakness is define by a function or a purpose, let me see what the word represents/stands for:

Something that is not able to stand within its purpose/intended function.
When there isn't an alignment between the function/purpose and the capability, more specifically, when there is a lacking in capability in relation to the purpose/function at hand, from the perspective that the capability of the object/person does not match the function/purpose it is assigned to do.

Within this, when facing a point of weakness, one must ask themselves within self-honesty if in fact they lack capability or is it used as excuse/justification within/as the weakness character, while realizing that weakness as a living word is not derived from the mind thus does not exist within/as emotions/reactions, thus if anything moves within/as self, one must realize this is the weakness character creeping up and must stand as the correction and stop self from participating within/as the character, to within time and application, build self-trust to be able to live/express/apply within/as self-support, thus doing what is required to be done within/as self as within the entire world system, to establish a world that is best for all within equality.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create/define/accept myself as the weakness character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express myself as weak within the self-belief that it is my "natural expression" due to creating/defining/accepting myself as weak

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a relationship with the concept of weakness through an idea of the mind, not realizing that weakness has an actual value only within physical practicality for instance, "this box is too weak for me to sit on", within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that defining weakness in relation to ones being as who one is, is an act of self-compromising and self-diminishing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the weakness character as a way of manipulation to get out of doing things that I don't feel like doing, not realizing that by using manipulation to get out of doing things that require to be done I am accepting and allowing not taking self-responsibility as a construct to exist and within that I am allowing myself to participate as an example within/as not taking self-responsibility, instead of allowing myself to stand as self-responsibility within the understanding that one is responsible for oneself no matter what, there is no escaping it, but there is a deliberate decision whether to ignore ones responsibilities or to accept them and walk them as self, thus I commit myself to live within the principle of taking self-responsibility because I realize the first step to establishing self-trust is trusting myself to take self-responsibility, within the understanding that abdicating responsibility and hoping someone else will fix me/the world will never manifest into a world of equality but can only lead to more of the same shit, thus if I stand for a world of equality and oneness I realize and accept the responsibility of moving/pushing/changing myself as self-correction in order to be a living example of what each can do/change within equality, and stop all participation within self-diminishment within the fear of not being able to change and thus sabotage myself instead of pushing as hard as I can to make sure I make it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use to weakness character to get out of doing things through manipulating others to do things for me, thus creating through my participation a construct of inequality through creating them as my slaves within the belief that it's ok for them to do the task but not for me, they will/should do it for me, not realizing that this is the base of all inequality, through the belief that I am more valuable and thus deserving and thus should have things done for me. When looking at the world one sees the accumulation of this construct due to everyone believing they are special and more deserving/valuable than others and thus allow themselves to manipulate/deceive in order to get what they want within self-interest, furthermore, within the current capitalistic money system money buys us the ability to act/behave/participate as weakness through not having to take responsibility and actually do the work for self, due to the ability of paying someone to do it for, not seeing that the only reason one can get another to do tasks for them is due to the fear of survival engraved into the system, thus, I realize within this that my participation with the character of weakness is in fact creating the basis structure for the current capitalistic to exist.
Thus, I commit myself to stop all participation within the weakness character due to the understanding/realization that by participating in such constructs/characters I am in fact creating/participating with the basic construct that the current capitalistic/abusive system relies on, within this I realize the first step in changing the world system into a world of equality and dignity must start within/as self, thus I stop any participation that contributes/supports the current system in order to birth myself and the world system into equality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect weakness to femininity and thus allow myself to create myself within/as the weakness character in order to present myself as what I have define as feminine, not realizing the self-compromising within it all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act within the weakness character to express myself as feminine as I have defined it as such in my mind, to be able to connect through the weakness character with men, within this not realizing the deception of it all within basically lying about myself to be liked/accepted, thus compromising/diminishing myself

To be continued…


Leila Zamora Moreno said...

Cool Maya! Thanks for sharing this point, I can definitely relate

bella said...

Thanks for sharing this self-support Maya!

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