Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Day 35 - My dog ate my Homework

I wrote a blog for today on different computer and it froze, and my initial thought was that it’s a legitimate reason to not have a blog done for today, “my computer froze” is the modern excuse for “my dog ate my home work”.

But, if I have made a commitment to myself to write and post a blog each day, then why am I looking for excuses to get out of my commitment.

Once I allow excuses to break my self-commitment it snowballs and sooner than later any little thing becomes an excuse. So this time I saw myself going into the pattern of looking for an excuse to excuse me from standing by/as the commitment I gave myself, I saw myself going into back chat such as “what can I do, I can’t be expected to write another blog, or to try to right it again…” and I hear this voice in my head in a joking tonality like it would be absurd to expect me to write again, not comprehending that I am writing for MYSELF and not for anyone else, there is no external expectation I have to obey, it’s just me and my commitment I made to/for myself, and within this I know that giving myself excuse to get myself out of the commitment I made for myself is complete self diminishment, and what would the outcome of that be? the outcome would be another point to the “mind’s team” in the accumulation game, and one less point for self within establishing myself as self trust self direction and self support.

Not to say I am in a war with my mind, but every action/decision I participate in is either supporting myself as life or is supporting myself as the mind.

So, I’m glad the computer froze, and I’m glad I had an opportunity to clear this point within/as myself – I am writing this blog for me, I have made a commitment for/as myself to support myself within walking myself out of the chains of the mind and into life.

I realize this blog is not only supporting because of the actual writing/self forgiveness/self commitments, it is supportive through it being a commitment of self dedication, through the writing of the blog, every day I commit to myself, I dedicate myself to myself as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for excuses to get out of commitments/responsibilities instead of standing within self dignity/honor and walking my responsibility within/as breath, within respecting and honoring myself as life

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to write the blog from a starting point of self support and have only written from a starting point of external commitment, not realizing that I am walking this process as/for myself within the principle of oneness and equality, thus anything within/as process that I do not do for/as myself, that I do for someone else’s expectations of me, is self deception, and will only last for that long, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize this is a process of SELF, and thus all points/motivations move from/as self or will not last, and within self motivation as self movement as self direction I realize I must will myself within every breath to make the decision, to chose myself as life, time after time, blog after blog, breath after breath, time and time again, until… well, I don’t know until when, until it is done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for excuses to not write myself blog without allowing myself to realize the self compromise within making a decision and not standing my it, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself deliberately throughout my process through braking my own word time and time again, creating myself as not trust worthy in my own eyes, to make it easier for myself to slack off and not take responsibility because I am still moved/motivated by the force of self interest, within this I realize that only through pushing/willing myself to honor myself as life, to honor my decisions, to live within a principle of what is best for all, will I be able to free myself from the chains of self interest and be able to trust myself, to respect myself and to actually enjoy myself, and not have to hide within shame of who I am as what I have allowed myself to be and exist as, through my participation within/as the mind as self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself as I give myself excuses and justifications to slack off and not stand by the decision I have made, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself into believing my own deception, not allowing myself to see the self sabotage within it, I forgive myself within this, that I have accepted and allowed myself to always look for the easy way out even after I have proven to myself time and time again, that the easy way out is in the long run the long way, and that the easy way out will never give me the outcome I am actually, really looking for, and that outcome is to be able to trust myself, to appreciate myself, to know myself for what I really am, to face my true nature as I have created myself, and to know I am directing myself to change into being the being I actually want to be, and not simply to accept myself as the being I have created myself as just because that’s the easy way out, but to take the hard way of self investigation, because I realize I’d rather see/live the ugly truth than to accept myself to live/exist as a lie, because I realize that living as a lie is not living

I commit myself to writing/posting a daily blog within the journey to life, because I realize the support it gives me to make a directive decision and stand by it, no excuses no justifications.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am in fact writing this daily blog for myself, as self support, and to remind myself the value of standing by my word/decision I have given myself, within realizing that if I break my word to myself how can I ever trust myself, and within that I realize that I have broken my word to myself many time in the past, and for each time I will have to accumulate myself as self trust, until I am actually trust worthy in my own eyes.

I commit myself to writing every day practical commitments that I can stand by, because I realize the self sabotage/deception within making big commitments “in the air” that I cannot apply, within creating another point of not standing by my commitment, thus I commit myself to be practical, so that I can actually stand by it and be able to see/assess that I am in fact standing

I commit myself to when seeing myself within giving myself excuses/justification to get out of a self responsibility I stop and breathe and remind myself the simply math of accumulation within realizing that each time I fall is remembered as accumulation within the grand equation of my life, and thus through my participation with justification/excuses I am making the path harder for me in the long run, within this I commit myself to push myself from falling in the tempting trap of justification

I commit myself to breathe, I commit myself to slow down, I commit myself to build/establish self –honesty within/as myself through the constant application of the tools as writing/self forgiveness/self corrective statements


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