My journey to life: Day 68 - Friendship - Part 10

Within entertaining ourselves through our friendships, and within supporting each other's personalities/characters, and within wanting to feel powerful at the expense of making someone else seem inferior, and within creating an "us" verses "them", to create an alliance as we lie together, as we go-sip, like a vampire action, as we suck the life of another through spreading lies behind their backs without them having an ability to stand for themselves. as we assassinate their character only to strengthen our own, as we feel powerful from receiving the acceptance and approval of the alliance, as a group of friends to keep/protect each other's backs, within the competition we exist as, within fear, within the accepted inferiority as ourselves, as we judge ourselves within our own self expression - we then project it on to the other as we judge them for their expression, wanting them to be seen as evil/bad/stupid/ugly so that we can see ourselves as more than them, as better - so instead of seeing ourselves for who we are, for the evil nature we allow ourselves to exist as, we point our attention out there, and look for who can we blame for it all, as we accept and participate within the evil construct of gossip.

And so, once seeing how friendship supports gossip - how can friendship still stand as a positive/loving construct in our minds? If there wasn't the construct of friendship, if there wasn't the alliance of accepting each other's lies, would there be gossip?

We accept and allow gossip all around us, in media specifically, exposing all the hidden secrets of who we have chosen as our celebrity gods, gossiping about who did what to whom and presenting them in a good light one day and then trashing them the next, creating energy within us, keeping us on our toes, feeding us with this addiction of gossip and slander, to distract us from ourselves, so then we copy the construct and gossip about our friends with our friends, accepting it as valid because we have lived in it all our lives and never have questions it or took a moment to evaluate if this construct of gossip has a right to exist, is it in any way supporting us as life or is it solely supporting the mind, as it creates conflict within our relationships and within ourselves, conflict that we experience as energetic reactions, energy that is derived from our physical flesh to maintain the mind as it go-sips, and drinks away from our life essence, from our physical to survive, while we allow it within our accepted addiction to energy, to conflict, not allowing ourselves to stop for a moment, to breathe, and to decide within self direction - is this who I want to be?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within gossip through speaking about people behind their back from a starting point of spitefulness, within the desire to turn the listener into spiteful as well, so that we are both spiteful towards the person I am gossiping about, so that I can feel powerful and be validated through my friend's acceptance/participation of the gossip

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within gossip through listening to gossip coming my way, within enjoying the energetic high within curiosity and knowing something about someone without them telling me directly as a point of power/control, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel more than myself at moments of gossip, as I accumulate knowledge about others as a point of power/control that I can then use as manipulation to "win" if I find myself in a situation of social survival

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a stronger bond within friendships through gossiping, as a way to connect at the expense of someone else that we both dislike, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my friends as people that share similar likes/dislike with me, and thus if we find a point to gossip about together I see us as closer as friends, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to gossip with friends from a starting point of through the gossip we are tied to each other, as we have power over each other, as we have become partners in crime, and thus through gossip we tighten our bond, not based on our friendship/communication, but based in fear, as we each have a card over each other's heads, that we can draw at any time, thus creating an agreement that as long as we gossip together we remain friends and support each other by hiding what we are doing while justifying to ourselves within our minds that it's ok because the other is participating in it as well, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that within the desire to keep gossip a secret within fear of people finding out, I am showing to myself that it is unacceptable to gossip, as I realize that that which I make an effort to hide is me showing me that I am not aligned with what I am doing, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from myself within/as gossip through knowing within myself that what I am doing is evil and abusive but instead of stopping I deliberately continue within the excuse and justification that everybody does it, and within the self interest of getting the energetic high, power and winning the competition I have created within my mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within gossip as a way to evaluate the situation and the powers at hand, to snoop around, to see who is on "my side" and who is on the other side, and within gossiping I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to plant seeds of doubt and resentment in other people's minds towards the being I am gossiping about, deliberately doing so, within realizing that with time the seed will grow and they will not know how it got there and that I planted it, but their minds will be set up to resent that being, because they once heard something nasty about them, and within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility and be accountable for my actions and words and to seed spitefulness and resentment in people's mind, to then complain that the world is nasty but not allow myself to see my participation within it all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in gossip as a way to justify myself through diminishing and assassinating someone else's character, showing the world how this being is wrong/bad/stupid/ugly so that I can justify my existence of being better and thus more worthy than them, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to find a way to actually accept myself, within allowing myself to admit to the evil that I have created myself as, and to from the self realization of who I am, to allow myself to change myself into a being that is worthy of life, instead of diminishing someone else just to through comparison place myself as better than them, but better than what? I have accepted myself as unworthy and instead of taking responsibility and directing myself as what is best for all, as creating myself into a being that I accept, I create gossip about another, making them seem as bad as possible so that I can compare myself to them and believe I am at least not the worst, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "shoot so low" so to speak, in regards to not even believing I can be worthy of life through applying myself as who I am, but instead to compare myself to the lowest definition I can think of and accept myself as "at least better than that"

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that gossip is showing me the self diminishment I have been participating through trying to make me more than someone, that I have to make less, to be able to win the comparison - how fucked up is this? How low can I go? What happened to comparing myself to the best in order to see how much more I can expand myself? What happened to seeing someone and supporting myself through creating communication and allowing myself to learn from them as I teach them, as we both expand together and equalize each other within the best interest of all - why do we accept ourselves within this competition sourced in our self judgment/diminishment/inferiority?

Time to stop

I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself about to participate in gossip, and to speak the words aloud, I am not allowing myself to participate in gossip. I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when/if I see myself listening to gossip, and to speak the words aloud, I am not allowing myself to participate in gossip. I commit myself to stop the curiosity within breath and bring myself back here, within realizing that there is nothing I can hear about any one within the starting point of gossip, that can support me in any way, it is just perpetuating the mind and my characters and validating my inferiority, while sabotaging/abusing others as I create more conflict/spitefulness/resentment in our environment

I commit myself to stop myself within/as competition, I have realized that competition is a mind construct that is designed to validate me as inferior within trying to win and be better than, instead of stopping the polarity all together within realizing that though comparison can be constructively used as a point of reference to expand myself towards, competition is never of support for myself or another and thus must be stopped

I commit myself, when seeing myself going into competition, to investigate the points of inferiority within myself as I have realized that inferiority can only exist as a mind created self judgment, as a form of self diminishment, I commit myself to taking all the actual physical data of myself and correcting myself as what is best for all, within stopping my participation with the evil construct of gossip, and willing myself and directing myself to become someone I can accept within knowing I am stopping the abuse within myself towards myself and others, and walking a process of self correction